Think about a major milestone that happened with your family this past year. How has this affected you?
Ah, this is a sign as to how much my family has shrunk. Any milestones would involve just me. No family milestones this year . . . .
My grandmother passed away. Left a big gap in my family. This affected a lot. I treasured her deeply. She was incredible. I miss her a lot.
My son received his PhD in Astrophysics - and is now doing a post doc - on the academic path to being a professor. This is a path he has been on since he was very young.
My youngest son, Ranjan, "technically" finished his PhD and announced his engagement to his fiancee. Did not affect me much - because these were in the making for sveral years. So I was mentally prepared.
I left my job to be a stay at home mom. A hard decision but one that has left me feeling more fulfilled than I ever imagined.
I can't think of any major milestone that happened with my family this past year. I guess that means that I am not in the loop. As usual I have fallen through the cracks.
My fiancé was made redundant. It's made us evaluate what we want to continue doing for a living and has made me slightly panicky but also disconsolate about what I'm doing with my life.
My brother and his wife are separated and are divorcing. He had to move in with me. It has put me in to a position to mentor him and help him get his shit together and has strengthened our bond.
I lost my grandma (last surviving grandparent) last year. It was (in many ways) one of the last links to my dad, who passed away 2.5 years ago. It's been very hard. But I am thankful for having her in my life for as long as I did.
My niece got married, then my nephew got married. It stressed me out, I feel old, and less happy than they seem to be.
The selling of our home in Oregon has left me feeling homeless. And this makes no sense, we reside in Arizona. And now I miss that sense of belonging to a place I love.
Daniel going to grad school gives me the sense that I've more or less finished and he is on his way, he has been a great brother for mike helping him get his life together. I'm left feeling hopeful for the future.
A major milestone was to commit to living where we do, and our jobs, for another 2 years. I think i don't realize how good this is. If I hadn't made the commitment, we'd have moved and I am sure I am underestimating the emotional and physical upheavel that would have resulted in. It is stabilizing for our family
My brother called me, which never usually happens, to just say hi and when I told him about my documentary project about our father he was very supportive. I wouldn't have expected that. However, recently he got very angry about my documentary suddenly when my family was at the dinner table, talking about it (I wasn't there, my stepfather told me). Apparently my brother was agitated, upset and said that I had no right and should leave the past be. So now I'm confused whether he was honest with me in the first place or whether he changed his mind suddenly... For the first time in years he had reached out to me and seemed genuinely interested in me and my work and my well being. And he was kind and curious, not per se anti me and everything. It felt like a milestone and now I'm not sure. I thought maybe my brother has changed, but it seems he hasn't.
My niece KayDee was born. This has given me an opportunity to get to know my sister better, and to feel more like a part of that side of my family. It's so joyful to see the way Trystan has taken to his little sister, and having a new baby in the family has given so much happiness to everyone.
This past year my oldest brother got married and the whole family came together. This made us all so much closer and brought the ones that truly love eachother come together, true feelings came out and we all benefitted from it.
Being told I'm no longer in my dads will is the major milestone that happened this year. The reason being my logos is flawed as I don't have enough moment to pay rent. What ridiculousness. It has not affected too detrimentally. All it means is that I will no longer speak to my "father" anymore. Which I'm fine with me. I am nothing like him and I never will be. I will support my children in what ever their dreams and will not have psychotic episodes on them. It means I will no longer speak to the rest of my family but I am a strong, independent person and I will succeed.
Finally my parents are attending swimming classes and they left me to rest from domestic issues :) I am so glad about it
My grandfathers special needs cousins moved out of his house, and his heart is doing better. That is great because he needed less to worry about. him and my grandmother have a lot to worry about.
My father died. While his new wife didn't tell us (and still hasn't 10 months later), I've stopped feeling angry at him. He was weak and nasty, but in the end, he had to live with himself, and that was the worst punishment I could have ever imagined.
I came out to my family as lesbian. The way they reacted was amazing. I never felt more accepted and loved. From the first moment on, they welcomed my girlfriend as a new member of our family. I always had a good relationship to my family, but the amount of support and love and interest they've shown to me in this past year is extraordinary. I am very thankful for this.
My dad sold his business. He's run the family hardware store for over 30 years. It's a town icon, and a huge part of my family. I grew up walking the aisles in there, and I always knew I could go there when I needed something, but more than that, it provided a living for our family, and a constant source of stress. My dad always worked long hpurs, but after the store was destroyed by a tornado in Hurricane Charley in 2004, he built a new bigger building, just in time for the economy to crash. In return, he put more time and more hours into the business. He ran himself down, probably past the breakING point more than once, but he always made that business succeed. When I found out he was trying to sell it I was a little incredulous, a little hurt, because it just seemed like it would always be our "Store," you know? But my dad had had too much and he needed out. I had decided long ago (as a child actually) that I didn't want to take over the hardware store, so why should he have to run it just because I want it to stay in our family. This event has coincided with some personal changes, a period of growth, and a period of severing some ties that I have with the things in my past. Having to pay for what I buy at the hardware store is a reminder that things in life all have a cost, the object is to minimize them. On the upside, my dad is finally getting to retire, which is fantastic, and the change has been noticiable people keep commentin on how happy he is, which, if you've known Joe long, was not always how you would have described him. When he owned the store, there was a seriousness that he couldn't shake, but now that he's free of the burden, the hapoy man my dad is can naturally and freely shine through. It's been good to get my happy dad back.
This year was a turn for the worse. After many good years or wealth, health and convenience, we saw some negative factors all culminating. After losing my job and relying on my wife to pass the exams for her new occupation, she couldn't stand the pressure and failed the exams. My son enjoyed the comfort zone too much and had to leave school due to insufficient marks. An expensive private school is now the obvious option. Instead of spending less money, we spend more. In a situation that requires tough budgetary discipline. The good part here is that the family initially had troubles accepting the new situation but has now arranged with it. It was a learning process that included tensions and troubles. But so far we have mastered the situation quiet well. There is still lots of pressure on me. I need to earn money to feed the family. So basically, nothing has changed for me. Its just, I don't discuss/talk about it openly anymore. Because it would put too much pressure on all the others.
Two things: First, we lost my grandfather to cancer. Secondly, my mom got a kidney removed and got another one. It's been hard, very hard. Personally I adapt poorly to psychological changes that appear fast. It has affected my performance on almost every level possible.
My mom got really mad at me on New Year's Day and we got into a huge fight. She told me her feelings and worries and talked about wanting to leave. Our relationship has been better since then.
The death of my sister. Makes me feel very sad and somewhat guilty that I did not do more for her when I could have.
My husband and I both make a good living, but we recently realized that we are not making ends meet. It makes me terrified all the time.
Major milestones happen often around here. A chronically ill family member hovered closer to death than ever. After 3 years, my husband finally got approved for disability. My grandfather died. My 5 year old started kindergarten and swimming lessons! The major life events that happen nearly monthly leave me in a daze, and unable to remember how to change from survival mode back into actual living.
I think milestones are looked at from the prospective of one's age. The older you are the smaller the milestones look. Mine look like a beach pebbles by now
One major milestone that my family faced this year is that during the winter was financial problems. My dad is a fisherman, and it was really hard for them to go out often due to weather and what not. Fishing is the only job my dad has so it was difficult to get by, but we always managed. This has affected me by making me be more appreciative of what I have and how I want to better myself.
This year has been about my efforts to individualize. From my friends, my family, and my husband. Standing in my own power. And I'm proud to say I've made some headway toward that end. Some days are better than others...
My last uncle died a little unexpectedly. I felt surprisingly compelled to travel to spend time with my aunt and cousin since they are isolated from family, and no one else seemed likely to visit. On that visit I learned a lot about their grief and the difficulty of their life at this time. It was a surprise and shock to me. Since the memorial last month, I've realized that I should make the most of my relatives of that generation, especially a beloved aunt who lives nearby. I've seen her more than I usually do; I hope I keep that up this year. I should also visit my other aunts who are in poorer health and live farther away...
The biggest milestone this year is my wife's pregnancy. It has made me feel happy and full of hope and anxious about the times to come. I am hoping to share this great news soon with my family so that we can share with them our joy. I do hope that the new life will fill our lives with love and happiness.
A milestone that happened was that my brother and his wife had a kid. It was a good and a bad thing it was good because I had a new nephew and everyone was all happy and wanted to play with him and all that stuff you do with a new born. It was bad because I felt left out from my mom because she would always be on the phone with my brother and would just ignore me completely and after a while it got the feeling she wanted nothing to do with me. I felt like i was in a dark obis with no way out and I was in a state of depression. I felt unwanted and left out because my mom and I were slowly going in different paths so i relied on my friends to make me happy and feed of their positive energy.
My son moved back home after having moved out. I thought he was moving on with his life and started to feel excited for his future and our own. Unfortunately, this didn't work for him and whilst we are sad for him we also felt sad for ourselves. This coupled with other setbacks has made for a difficult time, but we are pulling together as a family, discussing our issues as openly as we can.
I got married for the second time in October. I was incredibly happy to continue my life with the person I consider to me my "soul-mate," if there is such a thing. But, there were times that I would also feel sad for my first marriage not lasting. I would wonder if I made a mistake, if my son would be better off with both parents in the same house, if I discarded the relationship without truly trying. In the end, I always realize that the decision I made was right for me, but it does make me realize that it's okay to have conflicting emotions about things, even major life decisions that one would think one should be certain about to make them.
My great-aunt died two days before Christmas this past year. It wasn't unexpected, but it was still pretty rough to go through. We were supposed to visit her in the nursing home later day, but obviously that didn't happen. While it was an extremely sad day, it brought our family closer together. All my aunts and uncles were there for the first time in about 10 years, and to see them all there for each other and supportive of all of us, it made that day a little better. Christmas will never be the same for me, but it showed me how important a good relationship with your family is.
This past year my grandfather has been diagnosed with cancer. I did not know about this, that he had cancer since this past May, until very recently. My grandfather is such a nice, heartwarming, caring individual that it's not fair that this happen to him. The way he acts every time I see him is different. He sometimes forgets things and loses his memory, although he continues to tell stories from his childhood which surprises me. However, my family and I just want him to get better
My sons, ages 19 and 21, are both in strong, loving relationships. In August, their girlfriend's visited at the same time. I have three boys. There has never been so much girl energy in the house! My youngest, 15, was away. I realized that I now have mature-ish, adult-ish sons and our relationships are transforming. And...as I said to my husband, "I feel like we're running a Bed and Breakfast."
My father decided not to run for a legislative term this year. I found out via online and my Grandmother sending me a newspaper clipping. This has made me wonder about his health. But, since my parents have not made an effort to reach out to me, I have not reached out to them. It is very difficult, but I'm a happier person without them in my life.
I think all of the milestones this year have actually depressed us. My uncle died this year, a business deal we had went sour, and as a result of that a friendship was lost, I turned 50 and it hasn't affected me at all.
This question lead me to write this email to my parents: Hi Erin and Dan, I went to Rosh Hashanah services yesterday for the first time in a few years and I am doing this neat writing project during these 10 days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. So I'm all kinds of reflective right now. One of the questions that I am writing about is asking about the major milestones this year. And the first thing that came to my mind was, "Both of my parents retired this year and my mom lost her mom. With that, we have 0 working parents and 0 living grandparents." That feels really significant to me. It does and it doesn't at the same time. I feel the three of us are in this new phase now where the role of our parents is shifting. The 5 of us aren't working full time anymore. We are the ones who get to host our parents/family for holidays and things are scheduled around our work calendars. This is the just the firsts of the big shifts that we will feel in the next 5, 10, 20 years with our parents, but I just wanted to pause and reflect a bit about it now. Although we celebrated in July, I am really feeling this shift now. It feels bigger than I though it would be. 0 working parents and 0 living grandparents. I am about to get married. Erin is about to have her second. And Dan very well might become a parent this year. I feel like without me noticing, the camera lens shifted to a new scene. I guess I wanted to mark this shift with you two, but also... we are in this part together now. I hope with all of my heart and prayers that we are far away from making major decisions for our parents, but I want to know that we are in this together. I could not possibly be any luckier to have you two as my brother and my sister. You are kind, smart, full of love and so damn fun that I cannot wait for all our adventures to come and the ways our family will get bigger and better in the years to come. I love you both. I love who you are and who you are becoming. As a wonderful man used to say, "I just love you to pieces." All my love,
Daughter graduated from college. Very proud but hugely unsettling. Thinking and wishing for years past. Greatly effected by the passing of time.
We converted to Judaism as a family! It has been an interesting experience emotionally and intellectually. Knowing you want to do it and actually getting to that point was a roller coaster.
"My family" is just me and my husband, no extended family. Our only milestone is that I have been caring for him for ten years. If friends are family, and often they are, our friends have had health crises and deaths in the family. All together, these events make me feel my mortality and my fragility very keenly. Lyrics from old songs run through my head: "All we are is dust in the wind"; "We're only dancing on this earth for a short while." Last November, I got a tattoo that says "To be Alive--is Power," a line from my favorite poet, Emily Dickinson. I am determined to use what power I have to enjoy the rest of my dance on this earth and to ensure, if my life and strength continue, that my husband never has to go to a nursing home.
This year my son and his wife moved about 90 minutes away from us. This has diminished our social activity. We feel much more like hermits now. They do visit, but just knowing they are not near enough for a quick visit makes the relationship different.
A major milestone this past year - we bought a bigger house to start our "future". We have decorated each room, we plan to paint, build a fence for the dog in the backward. The only thing we haven't discussed doing to the house is starting that "future" together.
We bought a house! The move itself and the first week in the house was harder than I anticipated, but right now I am lying in bed, staring out at the fog covering the mountains, and I am in love. I feel so very grateful.
I don’t know if there’s been major milestones—more like deepening learning in all the areas where I struggle, and a feeling of deeper humility—I don’t really know what I’m doing, I’m coming to see that my frenetic activity, and easy anger and increasingly easy temper meltdown are covering a large grief at all the losses and suffering in my life and the lives of my brothers, my husband, my friends, and the widows/orphans/strangers among us/captives. I hardly ever cry—it’s probably time to start learning how to cry again.
A major milestone that happened with my family this past year was when my grandmother moved from her house in New Hampshire to Gloucester. We were all very upset with her for selling her house and not telling any of us. Her house in New Hampshire was right next to a few ski mountains and was in a great area. We were all planning on buying the house and having it as a ski house in the winter. The family was happy to have her back in town but we were very upset that she didn't come to the family first before selling the house.
For some reason, the thing that's coming to mind is my son's learning to ride a bike. I can't really call that a major milestone, but it has widened our world in ways that are both scary and exhilarating.
This is the saddest for me as I have been excluded from my daughter's life. The saddest part of all has to do with my grandchildren. All I can do is send them cards, which I do not think they get. There are three and I was not able to share in their milestones of birthdays, school and sports competition etc. I still cannot believe that this has happened.
My partner and I have been together for 10 years. I feel different, being coupled for a decade.
Our son started Kindergarten, and we moved -- roughly a week apart. My husband sold his novel, then took it back from the publisher, and maybe now has found the right publisher. We started a company in the meantime -- to offer opportunities to other writers. All of this has affected me greatly. I'm learning how to get my stuff done while in a family context. The fantasy of course is that my work exists in a vacuum, and I can just do it no matter what. I think that's idealistic. My work exists now in this bigger continuum of family, and I have to figure it out, like one instrument in a symphony. We all need to be working together and in harmony for the endeavor of Family/Creative Life to prosper.
A major milestone that has affected my family and I this past year was the death of my great grandfather. He lived in Canada and would come down here for holidays with my grandparents. So I got to see him quite a few times throughout the year. My great grandfather was the healthiest most in shape man I have ever met. But in November he started to walk less and Once December came he couldn't walk at all. So the day after Christmas he was in the hospital for six months. While he was in the hospital for six months he was trying to recover from a surgery that the doctor told us he would recuperate from, but he never did. So in the month of June his heart rate started to go down and his kidneys were shutting down. On June 9, 2015 he died and that death was the hardest thing ever. I have been to funerals before but this was one was extremely hard before I was 17 and I understood it more. I had to take time off from school to try and get better. But it still hurts to look at his picture or when we talk about him.
A Major Milestone? How about FOUR First born daughter Tandy got ENGAGED!!! Another new son-in-law to start off the New Year!!! Daughter Michelle is now the Executive Director of Temple Shalom of the South Bay AND Director of the Jewish Communal Professionals of Southern California (JCPSC) Son in Law Barak is the Director of Community and Youth Engagement at Temple Sinai of Glendale, the very same temple where Michelle grew up! I'm now the PUBLISHER of River Ridge Living! It was a very GOOD YEAR!!!
My dad's emphysema got really bad and he had to go into the hospital. It was the week before our birthday and we all (mom, brother, sister) thought this is it. I was trying to face the reality of my dad not being there and of celebrating our birthday alone for the rest of my life. I can't picture a world without my dad in it but it's becoming more and more apparent that the day when that is real is coming. I have been in denial for awhile but that day in June sort of drove it home. It's hard to be far away and not see him and know that I will probably be far away when he passes. I want to be closer to him, the see him more often but I know that is impossible right now. Life is a fragile and temporary thing and the past two years I have felt that in every bit of my soul. This year has been particularly evil at driving that point home. I hope beyond hope that I have another birthday with my dad. I hope beyond hope that when I answer this question next year my major family milestone won't be his passing.
There have been no milestones in my family mostly because I pretty much don't have one. I tried to create family from my friends but they've moved for work and while chat and text, it's not the same. I'm alone more than I would like to be and while I know it will change, right now, I'm lonely.
I don't know if we had a milestone, but we have had a few great and also, challenging things. My husband and I started singing and playing music together–he plays guitar and I sing. It's been so much fun. I have always felt inadequate when I sing, but I stopped caring. It's so much fun, and it's another way to connect to each other. I'm sad we hadn't done this sooner. We've also come to terms that my husband is suffering from depression. I know I can't fix this, but I want him to feel my love and support. We continue to learn and practice more ways to support each other. I feel like our communication has never been stronger.
My brother has a girlfriend! And he moved in with her. It has changed him tremendously. He is actually happy again. It's been great for my mom not to have the worry about what will happen to him. It's nice to be able to talk to him again and have it be a good experience. And it's fun having another person in the mix at family gatherings.
The major milestone is my Dad coming through his chemotherapy treatment with a clean bill of health. This has brought the entire family even closer together. And it's also brought us to thinking about what lies ahead, and how we might handle things. There are so many unanswered questions about how our family will interact in the future, but I feel close to them and blessed by them.
This year was definitely when my biological mother, Cheryl had two brain aneurysms. This was shocking, and so much has happened since then. It must have happened right after I wrote my 10Q questions last year. I still remember waking up and having brenda call me and tell me. She sounded so upset and scattered and scared and just like it was the worst day of her life. And then how pamela supported me visiting her. I still could really work on this. I had to get my head checked, and I was scared. If I haven't found out how often I have to do that by the time i read this again, I need to!!!!! And then i think this also started my anxiety too. I know that didn't happen til february, but i was just holding on to hoping cheryl would get better, and accept that she will never be quite the same, and when I finally accepted that then i really started to get anxious. I don't know, it was kind of my worst fear. It's so scary to have something like that, so irreversible and fast and far reaching, happen. even though it's so painful, visiting her and being connected to her is part of what gives my life meaning. I feel so humbled and amazed and sad and grateful all at once when I am with her. I feel like part of myself is being recovered. I can't imagine losing her again. And now that she is impaired, our relationship feels smaller. I hope it keeps growing but i'm not sure. It also affected me because it made me look right at one of my big fears. That there is something inside of me that is wrong, that I am doomed to have a chronic illness, that I a ticking time bomb like her. And it's hard because no one exactly understands my relationship with her, so it's hard to get help with what it means that now she is impaired. there were already so many things that made our relationship difficult, or separated us. Now she will never just be able to come to my apartment like on graduation, and hang out with my friends. That is such a treasured memory. it was worth graduating just for that. I love cheryl so much more than I thought I ever could. I need to accept the new reality, and grieve what was lost.
I think the biggest milestone was the growth and acceptance of emma to my family and for us all to begin developing rhythm in a way that is open and sharable and sustainable.
A big mile stone leavening my old Christian church and try being and love reformed Jewish. My family had mixed feelings. Both of my parents were happy but it took my grandma by surprised.
This year I went back to school after a year of work. I am getting my masters in social work and I will be the last one in my family to attend graduate school. It makes me think about the privilege of education. Being able to take 2 years "out of life" to go back to school is a luxury a lot of people just don't have. I feel empowered to make good use of this opportunity and to, amid the papers and readings, find joy, because G*d has blessed me with this chance and I don't want to let it go by unappreciated.
We survived year one of grief for my son who died by suicide on 6/15/14. He was so loved by us, and missed by us. Somehow as a little family of three now, we've survived. It hasn't been easy.
Our move to PA has been a huge milestone for our family. The kids (and I, except college) have never lived anywhere else. It was a rough few months before the move trying to make the kids understand why and that everything was going to be ok. It was very stressful with all the preparation, purchasing of the house, repairs, move and settling in. My stress and anxiety level are quite high right now still, but I am loving our new home. We definitely made the right decision.
Enough about Kayla :) My family traveled to Turkey. All of us. For my mother, this was only her second time overseas. The first being ireland only a few months before! For my dad this was his first time since Germany at his old company. It was the first time our family had traveled together since I was in high school! It was fun! We were very active all day and even though Sarah and Dad were super ill the whole time we still made our way around the city specially. The way back Dad stayed late and Sarah Mom and I went back ourselves - we got delayed due to an overbooked plane and got stuck in a hotel overnight. Getting out of Turkey was an event! But when we got into the air every bath thing dropped away and we were happy to have had the experience! For me this was the biggest culture-shock country I have been to, and I can't wait to go back! Or go to another even crazier part of the world!
Honestly, my family has been pretty stable the last year. Being single with no kids means that I don't really have any family around me at a given time, and my family back home has mostly just been keeping on. My sister had her (probably) last kid about a year and a half ago, and that was probably the last major family milestone that has occurred. My mom turns 60 this next month. It's hard to believe that she's to retirement age. I still remember her as I did when I was a kid, in her 30s, so it's strange to acknowledge the aging process in my parents.
Our 25 year old son went to Taiwan for the summer and was there during a monsoon. During early high school we were so concerned about his lack of focus, poor grades, few friends and hesitancy to travel. He is excelling in his PhD program and seems to have a lot of friends.
Well the promotion was a blessing. We were able to take care of quite a few things in the house we weren't otherwise able to do. Not that we're doing sooooo great, but we're doing significantly better than we were 3 years ago, and much needed things are getting done. Th affect has been relief.
One major milestone is my family sacrificed money towards essentials in our house to pay for my stay on the dance team. This caused me to see how much they cared for me and how they are willing to make me at the expense of their own.
This was one of the first years in a long time where we didn't have one. But the absence of one was important. It gave me a chance to catch my breath. We did have some smaller things, that seemed a continuation of the vents of the last few years. For example, one of our beloved dogs died of heart disease even though he wasn't yet an old dog. And my husband's uncle just passed away. But compared to all of the family loss that came before, this was not as overwhelming. One more wave that rocked our family boat. So the tranquil seas have allowed me to try to get into a better rhythm of work (at least work, even though exercise, art, and gardening haven't really gotten attention yet) and that has brought me some measure of confidence and enthusiasm.
(Is it fair to say some of these get repetitive?) Alex and I got married. That's a huge family milestone, and a happy one. As a complete record, however, I should probably note the unhappy ones, as well. I had ONE blood relative at my wedding. ONE. My mother. Makes sense. The only person to come to my graduations, or to ever actually be there for me. Yes, Robert was there with her, and Mariela was a bridesmaid, and Jordan was our ringbearer, and yes, that means so very much....but I have an aunt, and I have an uncle (more on this later) and I have a grandfather. There's nothing like your own marriage to reinforce that you are alone in the world. The only two people I can count on unconditionally are my mother and my husband. I guess there is really no one else I need. Papi is in the hospital again for the 6th or 7th time for a blood transfusion. That's what happens when he refuses to take his anemia medication. I know he probably has some blood disorder or mild leukemia, even. Who knows? he won't have the spinal tap, so it won't be diagnosed. He is content with wasting away. He's made his choices. Terrible, stupid, selfish and ignorant choices. As most of the choices he has made. I have made him my example on how NOT to live. I love him, but he is so wrong about so much, and I am exhausted of trying to show him. He will not learn, nor reason, nor listen to logic. He is an old man, and he has made his bed. This is how it's going to be. I just hope my mother can have some semblance of peace at some point in her life. No rest for the weary. No rest at all. My uncle -- where do I even start? Perhaps best to not even waste the time. G-d will judge him in due time. Another one of my grandfathers mistakes. A spoiled child is not a grateful adult. They are an eternal leach. G-ddmaned giving tree. My uncle is my cautionary tale for how not to raise my own children. I don't plan on being iron-fisted, but I do plan to be a parent. The older I get the more sense my mother makes. And the more I know Alex is my most perfect partner for life. Because he knows what it takes to raise a functional adult. My aunt -- a similar story to that of my uncle, but made more brazen and cruel because unlike him, the intellect and capacities are intact. She is just selfish, and pandering to her own ungrateful brood. Soon enough she will know the horror and pain of repeated history. Soon enough I will stay up nights, alone at my mother's bedside paying her back for the countless nights she spent with my grandmother, starting the cycle all anew, and praying that my own sons or daughters are better people than we were. Is this why we live? To watch each other be born? To watch each other die? To fill the days in-between with meaningless distractions? Our greatest achievements as well as our deepest regrets and rawest pains are each other.Hell is other people, and heaven is a place on earth with you. What's the family milestone for the year? That now I have my own. Alex and I are a family. And together, eventually we will raise a family. And if I have but one small prayer in the entirely of my life, it's that this family be a whole one, and a good one.
Unfortunately, this past year has been almost all about me. After I was assaulted, I was all I could focus on. My family has been figuring out how to deal with the consequences just like I have. It's made me feel alone and angry and it's shown me how easily others can forget about the situation you're dealing with. How can my mother expect me to date when I'm trying to recover? I wish that I could go on with my life as normal but it's become apparent that that won't be possible, at least not yet. Even with the frustration on my end, I know that my parents want to be there for me. I only wish I or they knew how to help.
A major milestone that happened with my family in past year is that my dad graduated from itt-tech, the smile and expression that he had on his face brought me such joy. It made me really want to graduate college with flying colors so I can experience what my dad did when he graduated.
My first niece was born and it was overwhelmingly joyful and emotional. It's incredible to see my sister as a mom and my parents as grandparents. It also made us both think about having kids and realizing we're ready for it!
My daughter graduated with a Masters Degree from University of Maryland- Baltimore. I officially converted to Judaism and the Rabbi held a wonderful ceremony for us, where my wife and I had honors on the Bima. My son turned 25 and is really becoming fiscally responsible- FINALLY:) I am having the best year financially of my whole career. Those are four milestones that we are very happy about.
My mother died. My family seems more distant than ever. I've spent a lot of time reconstructing my past and my relationship with my mother. It's made me look backward too much and too long and it's made me sad, particularly sad not to have a home of my own.
John and I lost three grandparents. It's still hard to believe that Gram is gone. And Irv as well. But I miss Nana every single day. It's going to be hard living the entire rest of my life without her.
I just recently got married to the love of my life! The change hasn't immediately been experienced since it was two weeks ago, however I know this is going to have a positive affect for the rest of my life. Sheena means everything to me and I will do everything to make sure that we grow together and enjoy life together, forever. I love her more than anything in this world.
Again my answer is the same as day 1, the death of my Aunt, which has made me reavulaute how I need to form relationships with people and not always give in the solitery feelings.
It has thrown everything out of whack to not have mutual balanced goals. Moving for my career and not my spouse's is awkward.
My oldest is a freshmen in high school. I am surprised at how excited I was, touring his school and walking his schedule. I am, shockingly, full of reminiscence and regret for my own wasted and lost opportunities, and full of excitement and anticipation for the road that lies ahead for him. I think it's safe to say that I'm more excited for high school than he is. I have to be careful not to push my own opinions and experience onto his life...and also careful to make sure he is fully applying himself in academics, even though he is overwhelmed by the amount of work in front of him. (and also careful to make sure that he is learning self-control, self-direction, and responsibility for himself.) I'm faced with the reality that sometimes we see our children for who we want them to be, rather than who they are, and I consciously resist that (though sometimes it slips in). I am full of longing to have such learning opportunities for myself, too. I feel that I wasted so much of college, and so much of my own young life, on propping up a failing marriage and pouring wasted energy into What Other People Think. I still do waste too much time on What Other People Think, though less every year. Also. Having a Freshman in High School means that I am no longer a Young Parent. It's more evidence of the swift passage of time. I am full of alarm about that. My life is slipping, rushing, roaring past, and I hardly even feel present in it half of the time. It makes me want to seize every moment I have that I can be with my kids and be fully present in it, fully aware, and paying very close attention.
Unbelievable as it seems, my life and that of my mom, (with whom I live), remains the same. The old saying "one day is the same s the next" truly applies. We go our steady course and life goes on. We have our everyday trials, but they pass and life resumes. I feel that this IS my milestone. To be able to live life with all it's ups and downs. I live in California and this state is burning. So I can't even begin to imagine what those people are feeling as they watch their lives literally go up in flames. I am heartbroken for them. So My milestone is continuity. To live. To keep on an even keel and not let the little things take over my life. To help my fellow human beings in whatever capacity I can. To feel compassion and empathy to those less fortunate.
We had our daughter! We have been balancing being new parents, still trying to make our marriage a priority. She has been the greatest joy! Don't get me wrong there are day that are hard, but overall it's just been so much fun to watch her grow.
my sister published her 5th or 6th book-I feel I have accomplished nothing with my life.
My oldest brother died forty years ago. His closest friend, who was like a member of my family, died in July. My daughters are ages 33 and 27. I was 27 when he died, and he was 33. Our friend was 72. I have pondered those coincidences. Mark's recent passing has been very painful for all of us. He introduced me to my husband, designed a renovation for my home and, was godfather to my daughters. He lived in Dallas, and we were able to go there a few times and care for him during his terrible bouts with chemo. We saw him a month before and hugged and cried, for we all knew it was the last time. I am sad; I miss his vitality and lively spirit. We spoke every other day, and as he grew weaker, could not communicate. This was very painful for me. I wrote a letter to say goodbye on the day he left this earth. My friend was going to read it but it was too late. He knew how much I loved him.
My son said he didn't want to live with us anymore. The hurt that came with his declaration that we were "the devil and satan" that the past two years he as just "been pretending" cut deeper than any knife can wound. The lack of anyone seeing this as a problem is confusing. We moved away. He can live with his mom. It tears me apart daily, but it is what he wants. To see his step-mom's reaction to the mention of him breaks my heart in so many ways. I'm broken and kicked. I will stand up again. I didn't realize that in this life this would be one of my struggles; loving my children deeply and not being loved in return.
my Aunt died of lung cancer the same hour as my nephew was born. I smoke so it's even harder to watch my 2nd family member die of lung cancer. My brothers son was with a friend & business associates so it is a strange arrangement. He's 8 months old & I still haven't met him because I rarely go home, but I also don't really care about children. I'm sure if I lived nearer I would be more into him.
My husband and I moved from our condo into our first real house together. We both love it. The oak trees are beautiful, and we love hearing the crickets at night. There are lizards and squirrels and deer and birds which live just outside. I look out the windows every day and think about how lucky we are to be able to live there. We held our first Shabbat Unplugged gathering there last month, which was a goal of mine: to have a living room big enough to do that. Life is very good for us right now.
My Dad had a Bar Mitzvah and my sister and I flew in to surprise him. A lot of history was uncovered during that weekend as my uncle was in town who is much more open about their childhood than my Father. I had a greater window into my Father's life growing up and my respect for him increased even more. I also felt more connected to Judaism because it goes beyond religion and includes the fundamental right to be yourself.
Sarah got married!!! The immediate effect this had on me is that she and Bjorn took that trip out to see us and the kids. We got a quick but amazing true "family vacation" in our own hometown because of that. It was much needed for us and the kids, a beautiful cap on what was a great, but difficult, summer. And most importantly, I think, the kids got to connect to their aunt and uncle in a more mature and real way. Those connections are so important, they are the roots that keep the tree from toppling in the storm. But the other, much more pervasive, effect, is all of the conversations between me and her and me and my mother that went on during the process of planning and executing the wedding. I felt like a therapist a lot of the time. It got draining and frustrating. Sometimes I felt like neither of them were interested or cared what I was feeling, they expected me to cope and be good about things because I always do, and if I wouldn't do that then they weren't interested in me. I knew that wasn't true. But there a lot of phone calls, especially from my mom, where she would call with an issue, we'd talk and get her to feel better about it, and then she'd say, "Ok I'm better!" and hang up without even asking about my day. That was hard. But what I got to watch them go through, with each other and separately, was an amazing, difficult transition. We have a broken family and a deeply dysfunctional rift caused by my abusive father. The ripple effects of that are still reaching into our lives. Not on the daily basis that they once were. But it is not like a mark that fades. It is active, it keeps reasserting itself. I watched them experience that in their own ways and I think that helped me to understand how it happens to me as well. And most importantly I helped them grapple with it and watched them use my help like a tool. I watched them fix it themselves. I had ways that I thought they should fix it but they didn't always choose my advice. I watched them choose something else that was different, and I watched it work out. As a family I think we are on a remarkably more steady footing for having gone through that. The most profound effect of this event is that I have a new brother. Bjorn is officially a part of our family. That is such a joyous feeling. He is so welcome. As with all the best marriages, it feels like something that happened long ago, that we commemorated with the wedding, rather than like something new and changed. He has been a member of our family for quite some time, really. It is so nice to have him and Silke and Kathleen as part of our tribe now. We are so lucky to be connected with such great people.
My little sister has just started her freshman year of college at Cal. That always seemed so far away. She was literally born half a lifetime ago when I was 18. I remember consciously considering that she would be going to college when I was 36 and graduating when I am 40. Here I am and I feel a load of mortality, especially with kids of my own. Life is becoming more finite.
My partner and I purchased our first house together in May. Without placing too much focus on the house itself, I will comment on the process. I think Emma and I did a great job dealing with the ups and downs of the home buying process. We stayed positive, we communicated, we stressed and dealt, we were good. We have a healthy strong relationship and this milestone highlighted that fact.
Danielle moving to Traverse City after graduating college and getting a job she truly loves. I feel happy and sad at the same time. I miss her so much. I don't get to see her often or talk to her as much as I use to. She is living with her boyfriend who I adore and I am thankful she is happy.
Gracie's graduation and leaving for college. It is all so new. We haven't yet adjusted to being a family of 3 at home most of the time. I'm very proud of her, but feel like a piece of my heart lives in a different state now. That is a very vulnerable feeling.
No family milestones that I can think of this past year, which makes me think I am not very close to my family emotionally or geographically. I just have no idea what is truly going on with anyone.
This year I made more money than I have ever made in my life just because I accepted an invitation to do what I love to do in a practical and lucrative way for me and for my partner - and in a way that has allowed me to have a profound impact on hundreds of people and to grow immeasurably myself. The money has liberated and empowered me.
Jen had a baby! It's just amazing and she is so happy. Like her face is radiant and even when she's tired she's happy. She just kisses and snuggles Gila so much, and it makes me happy and choke up and my mom pretty much breaks down in tears when she thinks about it. Yesterday in shul, Nana was holding Gila, me on one side, Jen on the other, and her whole body was wracked with sobs, like incredible, "thank you God for this amazing miracle" sobs.
I'm not sure what would be a major milestone in my family... we have some more security because are in a new home and have more secure jobs. But major, maybe not so much, at this over-60, health-challenged, stage of life. Each day, waking up alive and with big beautiful trees out the window, seems to be more the focus.
A sister was pregnant. The baby hasn't been delivered yet. It gets my excited to be an uncle and worried that my sister's wont allow me to be myself and share my insights on life with the baby as its uncle.
Recently, my parents got a dog. They haven't had a dog since I was a kid, probably 30 years ago. I was happy for them to decide to welcome him into their lives, but felt apprehensive that they were being impulsive as usual. My mom just told me they gave him back because he fought with other dogs. I think that they weren't ready after all. It all just seals my belief that I think my parents are immature and don't think things through. I'm disappointed in them as people, not jut because of this but multiple reasons. This kind of seals it for me.
My "baby" sister turned 50, our other sister 55. My son turned 35. I turned 61 and my brother surpassed our father by turning 62. My mom turned 83. My spiritual teacher is about to be 60. Time is marching on in a big way, for everyone. Mostly, I think about all the people whom time left behind by now, many at ages younger than mine, people I miss. I am grateful for the chance to live for myself and for them as well.
With my family of origin, the milestone is that they began to construct the house they have been dreaming about for years. I always thought they were crazy dreamers, that it was never going to happen. Watching it happen, and seeing the leap of faith they are taking to make it happen, has been a lesson to me to not judge anyone else's journey. I have a deep respect for their willingness to make that leap of faith and take that risk.
My 19-year-old daughter moved to Israel. I am happy for her and I miss her.
My dad had two surgeries two days in a row. They were quite unexpected. All went well and it was a big wake up call for each of us in different ways. Though we haven't spoken about it together you can feel the impact.
My parents moved out of the house they've been in for 15 years. Though, since my sister bought the house, there was little effect!
Youngest daughter finished college and collected her degree, then moved home. Having two girls in the basement has made a change at home, and with me home more now, it is more noticeable. I wish they got along well, but they don’t. She has started counseling and I think it is helping her. I hope so – she is so short tempered and volatile sometimes, and middle daughter is (as she has always been) very judgmental about people who don’t fit a conventional mode, and youngest daughter has never been conventional. My main hope is right now is that middle daughter will turn her three part time jobs into one reasonably lucrative full time job, and move out of the basement! So far, one down, two to go (please go!). By this time next year, I hope I can say ‘two down, one to go’ and mean it.
Mom is in a relationship for the first time since her and Dad's divorce. She's ecstatic, almost like a teenage girl in a relationship, it's all a little strange. I'm happy for her and know that she sees great potential in this relationship, but I worry about her getting hurt and about whether this new man is going to fit into our family, if it comes to that. My parents have become so much more human in my eyes since I've become an adult.
This affected me in a not so good way. It has made us closer as a family but, it is hard not to think about it and to miss him
My son turned one. It is amazing to see how he learns and grows every day. It felt like a pretty major accomplishment, though the first year definitely seems like a blur now. My parents also both semi-retired, sold their business, and moved from the small town where they had lived for 36 years to the city where I live. I don't think they anticipated how hard it would be to leave all of that behind, even though I know they love their new, down-sized life. It has also been an adjustment living in an urban area. My mother had a major health scare that continues to affect us on an almost-daily basis. She will never be the same, but she continues to put one foot in front of the other.
No typical milestone events in my family this past year. We aren't that close actually but I reached out for feedback to my sister and brother in law regarding my prostate diagnosis since Larry had it too. Had a nice visit with them in May. Only other situation of note was my nephew coming out as gay which drew support from a number, and hopefully all of us. In each case it was good to have and be family but nothing particularly remarkable this year.
My mother in law passed away. It was terribly sad, but a blessing as well... she had been sick for some time, and had lost almost all mobility. She could barely feed herself, and was suffering from dimentia, which made it very hard to visit. I think my husband feels guilty that he did not spend more time with her when he had the chance, but at some level is relieved that she is not suffering any more. Each holiday is a milestone for us now... the first one without her. I hope that he is ok thought all of this... he's not one to share his feelings, and I am afraid that this loss has been especially hard for him.
My oldest started kindergarten, and it's been great. Societal expectations being what they are, I was expected to sob when my big girl went off to school, but I didn't. For one thing, she was excited to go. For another, I was excited for her to go! Not because I wanted to get rid of her (but ok, all day kindergarten is amazing), but because I loved elementary school, and I want her to have the same experience. So far, so good. I just hope she doesn't have the same middle school experience I had. Another great thing has been that, since I quit my job in June to go back to school, I have been able to spend a lot of extra time with my kids, and that has included being able to take my oldest to school and walk home with her after. I love that 10 minutes of our time together everything day.
My brother and his girlfriend FINALLY moved in together after 3 years of dating. I think this is the final step before we see an engagement, and I couldn't be happier for him. He is extremely happy, and his girlfriend just balances him so well. Hopefully next year I can say there was an engagement or wedding :)
We moved to the same town as my daughter. It has allowed me to be part of her life in a way that was not possible before. It has created a care taking relationship with her boys, that while existed previously, has become more regular and integral to their lives. I think it is a blessing to have this contact. Generations past seemed to live this way. Certain people I know always shared the day to day with family. For me it was lots of moving and little dependence on family members. It causes me to remember the ways in which my mother's personality kept us from being close to family members. That part is sad. I am enjoying this part of life with them all. Feeling blessed.
Hadley received her Bat Mitzvah last October, which was a reminder that her childhood is passing and she is readying to assume more responsibility. I was moved by the ceremony, appreciative of the rabbi's inclusivity, grateful for our family's and friends' enthusiastic response, and excited about her next steps.
My ex-wife's mother died. I had just taken my sons to see her two weeks before. It turns out it had been 6 years since my ex had seen her family. My youngest son insisted we visit. The funeral was very healing for me, reconnecting with the in-laws was great. It was also great for the boys. Will wasn't able to attend due to school, however he wrote the most amazing memorial to his Nana. Ellis read it and it brought everyone to tears. I'm proud of Will advocating for himself and staying at school instead of rushing to take care of his mom and brothers. Bennett was strong for his mom and his Mobile relatives and kept the children entertained so that everyone could grieve. I'm SO proud of my sons.
Our daughter has started sleeping through the night pretty consistently! It has been a long time coming and has made the whole family a better bunch to be around
Daniel moved in!
Our first baby turned 1! I feel proud that we got through the first year intact, and I feel happy that things seem more "normal" and now and I feel less anxious. I feel more confident as a mother.
A lot of our milestones are in process right now. So here's a major but not major milestone: Jesse was named captain of his soccer team. I was certainly not surprised, but I was really proud. He wasn't picked because he's such a great athlete (although he's relatively strong on his team). He was picked because he knows the game, has a great attitude, works hard and leads others. I care about those things so much more than whether he scores the most goals or whatever. He has taken the role so seriously even at his young age. It makes me feel like we probably did something right.
My in-laws sold their ancestor property in India and are having new flats built in a different part of the city. I am excited for them because they are now able to live comfortably with the profits from the sale. I know my husband is grieving the loss of the home that he was born and raised in. It will be nice to not see my in-laws worry about money and quality of life in their old age.
I got into nursing school, and it changed everything. I had to start taking my life and future very very seriously, because with the time and money I've spent getting in and my age - 36 - I feel like I don't really have time to start over again and still be able to retire. So I have to make this work so I can take care of my mom and have a safe financial future. It's caused me to work harder and take things more seriously, like simplifying the house, attending to my budget and schedule, ending my relationship with Tyson and beginning my marriage to Robin, who is a better home and financial partner. All that grownup nonsense has introduced me to a level of competence and success that is new to me. For the first time, I actually am starting to feel like I'm good at life.
We moved to the Midwest for my new job. This meant moving away from friends, family, and a life we always knew. Initially I was a bit nervous, but I'm happy we made this big move. It has been positive in so many ways.
Major milestones. My son graduated high school and is on his way out the door to adulthood, as soon as I can let him go. My stepson got married. It was a lovely wedding and I think it cemented my friendly relationship with his mother. I got much closer to my (step) granddaughters and it seems that I had some positive influence on the troubled younger one. Is it terrible to hope that the newlyweds don't have kids? I want to move to be near my children and grandkids could put that out of reach. So uncharitable, and I should be ashamed.
My dad's death means I'm the last surviving member of my family of origin. I did not have a family of my own, so I am making a family of choice and extending my care to my community. That sounds great and it often is, but sometimes I'm lonely for the connections most people get from family.
Our daughter gave birth to our third grandchild. He lives in the same city where we live so we're hands on. What joy!
#2 is in kindergarten now. This reminds me that our little children are growing up. Mostly this is good - lower child care cost, more self-sufficient children. It makes me want to squeeze little #3 more, while she's still a little baby. #1 is in 2nd grade now and is struggling. He's having a hard time sitting still, not talking, wants to squirm around and acts weird a bit. This has been a problem, and the teacher called us in to a conference, which I dreaded. The conference was unexpectedly about how we could meet his needs as a gifted child, not about how he needed to behave. We're moving to a larger community now, and hoping this will help him find more outlets for his personality, intelligence and interests. Major milestone, though, moving, and it's tough for #1 kid. Uncertainty, new school, not sure how that WILL affect us. Have to write on that next year.
At the beginning of the last Jewish New Year I turned 65. Coming Ali g with the Medicare card, came the sobering fact that the world sees me as a senior citizen, if not old. My mind and body tells me otherwise, so to hell with what the card says. Each day is a gift.
Gracie's Bat Mitzvah! Oh my little Goose. She is getting to be such an old lady. It affected me by me being more aware of her age and how she is growing up.
Babies Babies Babies - Charles and Amelia arrived this year. I'm so happy to see my family grow. It definitely makes me question if I should be a mom too.
My first niece was born last September. I feel that brought us closer together, but also increased the tension. We're rubbing up against each other more now, creating more heat. In a way that's nice, but sometimes it leaves you looking for some fresh air.
with Maddie leaving for college our entire family has been affected, how I have been affected is by turning in ward and looking at what it means to me that my oldest child has left and how much pride and satisfaction I have in how I have contributed to raising this person who has such amazing opportunities in front of her. My life if forever altered and for the better. Not to mention it is a wee bit quieter around the house...
My son. My son, my son, my son. The tiny little person who opened my heart in ways I hadn't dreamed possible. Who has made me speak softer, dream bigger, try harder. And also slow down, work less, wonder more. Everything about my daughter that has been a battle has been a breeze with my son. He is a gentle, kind soul -- and to be able to see that at 5 months is truly amazing. But then I knew it when he was in utero. (Not that he is a pushover; never think that. Just because he'd rather use a gentle hand than a big stick doesn't mean he doesn't occasionally bring the stick out.) At times, I'm afraid he's broken my daughter. She was already attention hungry; now she is ravenous, never satisfied. Yet she adores him. I love watching them together; you can see what a wonderful mother she will someday be just by watching her interact with him. I cannot say I have always dealt gracefully with her emotions since her brother was born. Even an easy baby is work, and the strain has worn us thin at times. But we are all trying. And I have hope that we will come out of this better than before.
Recovering from major surgery.
Wow - hard to answer this one. My brother had a new girlfriend - not really a milestone. My sister retired - not a milestone for me except that is really resonates our aging. Misha finished Middle School; Mira and Avi finished elementary school - hard to call these milestones since they were very low key and not extraordinary.
Nathan and Fien starting their own household with him developing more his pssion for media and working with her father. It made me for the first time really be able to let go in full confidence. That was such a relief and at the same time filled me with so much pride as well. It made me able to stop my medication for good, which I was taking since he was 3,5. I tried to stop it already before but to no avail. I needed it to keep my cool which is my responsability. The fact that Sarah became happy again and find her voice through film made me very happy to since I could not help her and I felt very powerless having to watch her unhappiness and feeling without purpose or belonging.
My son got engaged. Made me happy to see him so happy. Met the future in laws with some trepidation. His fiance is not Jewish. But, dispite his bar mitzvah, neigher is his mother.
My mom's stroke has really had an impact on my family. My dad has stepped forward in an incredible and loving way. I wish my mom could see how much love and effort each of his actions contain. I have been able to spend more time with her having different conversations. I miss her clearer vision and logic, but at times I welcome the softer encouragement she has shown at times. I know this is so very difficult for her; I wish things were different and that it was easier for her to accept help from others. We have such a strong vein of independence and such high standards for ourselves. I appreciate the mirror she is presenting to me allowing me to perhaps learn to be softer with myself as well as others.
Knox was born! Riley finally graduated! Riley turned 18! No way to get around it, family is the most important part of my life. My wellbeing is integrally tied to the well being of my children and grandchildren. My challenge is to take care of myself as well as I take care of them.
My mom stopped driving. Her increasing dependence is frustrating for all of us.
The major milestone the happened this past year was the family reunion. It gave me hope for the future. It also made me aware of the love and support that surrounds me if only I have the courage to ask for it.
There´s been no milestones in my family last year; life´s been "normal" and I´m ok with that.
We sold our house in Florida, taking a huge loss but getting rid of it. It has liberated us financially and emotionally!
My nephew Hunter was born. We are all thrilled and love him!
We hosted Passover in our own home. We had the Campbells, Jan, Sippy and many friends. It was a strangely joyous occasion. Passover is always fun but this year felt loose, spontaneous, unexpected . . . not words you ordinarily associate with a highly scripted yearly event that has been performed for millennia. You could blame the extra Rafael wine . . . or you could say that our giddiness at home ownership -- a new milestone in our lives -- was contagious.
A major milestone would be my parents getting a divorce. This has affected me in different ways but mostly I am in confusion.
My brother has achieved one year of sobriety after approximately 15 years of drug and alcohol use and abuse. My brother hasn't been this happy and present in my life since high school. And it's been wonderful to rekindle that relationship. Further, he has become very smart regarding emotional and mental health. I am very grateful to have re-established my relationship with my brother and grateful for his new found wisdom.
My uncle passed in July after my father's back surgery in June and it made me see my parents differently. I witnessed the strength of the love between them to support each other in their time of need. I also really began to see my mother as a sister who has lost 5/6 brothers hurt for the first time. The loss and ability for my parents to come together to grieve, love, and heal together was inspiring to me.
I am trying to teach the kids the importance of being considerate with everybody, specially with close relatives. How important is to work as a team with parents, siblings, etc. as the only way to create lasting cohesive relationship, but they do not get it, or I do not know how to express it. I affect me deeply as my older son (24) consider that I am requesting attention as a result of my victimization attitude, which maybe is real (makes me wonder about, and correct any of this attitudes) but also I need to highlight that they must be responsible for their own behavior. It most be a 2 sides learning experience
I moved out of the house, and my parents had no more children living in their house for the first time in 25 years
Brendan graduated from college. While I celebrated and felt such pride and even relief I was also hit with the pangs of.... I have no more "kids" and school is such a marker, milestone maker, an attachment to Mom, even though it was college and my youngest was away and gone. Both of my "kids" 22 and 24 yrs. decided to come home to the Northwest this summer and possibly longer which was interesting, very gratifying and reminds me why I am glad they're "grown ups too! ; ) Love 'email so! Fortunate me!
Jane's deafness and subsequently realized eye problem. She is THE sweetest baby and her obvious strength at only 10 months is humbling. She is going to teach us a lot her entire life.
My youngest brother began optometry school this month. Although I lived out of state for five years, my brother has always lived within an hour of our parents' house. For the past seven years, I have lived within an hour away from home, too, so I've never gone very long without seeing him. This is the first time he's lived a significant distance from home, and I miss having him around! My brother and I have always had a special relationship. He's smart, kind, funny, and genuinely cares about people. I'm so proud of him and who he's grown up to become.
My mother and stepfather reunited after a nearly year long separation, but they're still very fragile as a couple. The experience has taught me to accept them as they are individually and to divest myself emotionally from the idea of them as a couple. I just want them both to be happy, even if that means they don't ultimately stay together long-term.
My sister has been trying for the last year to get pregnant, and unfortunately, it had been to no avail. The doctors had told her that her and her husband were both healthy when they got basic testing done and that they just needed to give it time. After nearly a year of trying, almost to the day, she finally found out she was pregnant! Today she is 8 weeks and 6 days along and has her first official doctors appointment tomorrow so that she can get all of the testing done to make sure that everyone is healthy. I am so excited for her but also nervous at the same time because it's something that she's wanted for so long and I just want this dream to come true for her! And next year by this time, I'll have a little niece or nephew to tell you about when you ask me this question! ;)
My father's illness was the biggest milestone in my family. I realized I need to prioritize family and make an effort to make memories with those I love.
My father died. I surprisingly feel okay about it. I feel that I have no regrets, we never argued and when it was time to let him go, I learned to let him go with grace and dignity.
I am starting to feel like a one trick pony in terms of answers. This past year my son was diagnosed with depression, my husband died, I lost 20 pounds (thanks to my husband dying) and my mother in law is dying. Both my parents turned 75. It's been an eventful year to say the least. It's been a challenge but overall I feel on top of my game. Some days are shitty and tough but I have lots of support and love and community and friends and family. My son is getting his act together in terms of managing his depression and working through his grief. He still hasn't managed to get a driver's license but he seems on top of applying for colleges. My daughter is managing in her own way. I wouldn't have wished my experience on anyone but it doesn't make one feel strangely alive. Is that bad?
I decided to start a 501c3 when my family didn't agree/approve/didn't like it. And then I moved to DC basically to get away (but also DC turned out to be really the place to be for work). I feel a little guilty about not being in as frequent touch as they'd like, but also, I can't take it, often.
My brother and I both got married. It has been an awesome time getting to spend time with so much family. It helped remind me that I have family far and wide. It also let me know just how many people care about me.
I don't remember exactly if there is anything significant 2015 except my sister she got a full time textile designer job in Toronto. Which was great and amazing relief for me.
We moved back to the US. In many ways, this was positive. We were able to introduce our son to all things american, and my work life got better. But, we moved from a large house to a tiny claustrophobic apartment and my daily routine was far more structured than my husbands which caused conflict. It feels more like we are weathering this period rather than taking advantage of it. I am sad that we have been unable to better enjoy our time in the US.
My daughter graduated law school and took the bar exam. In eight days we will find out if she passed! She has a job interview for Legal Aid and would start 10 days after she received the results.
I went to see my Mom in an assisted living residence in Rocky Ford, Colorado with my two sisters and daughter.My Mom has Alzheimer's. I saw my Mom but she never really saw us. It's sad but I feel like she has already passed away. It takes 12 hours to get there from Texas, so my returning is only slightly possible. I speak of her as if she were gone and truly feel like she is no longer here. I was never really close to her or knew her very well. This has had little or no effect on me. I wonder if it should, but it hasn't. No tears, no regrets, just I went and it's over.
My parents spent the year on their own because we both were living in the US. I think it was good for them, specially for my mother. It has made me think about how my parents can be strong and deal with attachment in a healthier way than they used to.
My grandma was really sick. We even thought she wouldn't make it. I've never seen my grandpa so sad. Luckily she got better.. Now she again is really sick. We hope she'll get better, but we think she won't.
One major milestone is my mom preparing to get married. My mom and Nathan have had a interesting relationship. It's not something I would consider healthy, but they've made progress and have decided that marriage is the next step. It's put stress on my sisters and myself because we're worried and love them both, but we see the flaws and some are hard to overlook. As someone that has had unhealthy and healthy relationships dating and otherwise it's sometimes hard to see how Nathan and my mom treat each other. It's been eye opening in ways I didn't expect. My mom has shown more forgiveness and grace, Nathan has grown more, and my sisters and I have reached different ideals and conclusions about their relationship.
My youngest daughter graduated from high school and left the nest for her first semester in college--in London! I thought I was ready to have the house free of teenagers, to have the freedom to do as my husband and I pleased, but right now it's too empty...and lonely...with no one to feed. My daughter, on the other hand, is relishing her independence on the other side of the ocean, and I am so happy that she has this opportunity. It's made me think about what opportunities I can make to have a life worth looking back on with pleasure and pride in my accomplishments, personal and otherwise. What will my mark on the world be, besides my children?
My sister got married. It showed the importance of balance and growth, with the fact that finding someone is possible. It was also eye opening in that Katie was a flake but perhaps it wasn't her fault. Getting high does that to you.
Family reunion and wedding. Revisiting my mother's last few days and suicide - step by step, moment by moment. Parsing precisely why she chose to die as she did and when she did with a sibling who wasn't there (as I was) 19 years ago. Harrowing. But also settling. Reinforced my decisions and how I feel about her. More thoughtful.
We had two big ones, as Helen and Bob both passed away this summer. Basically, they were the oldest ones on both sides of my family. Both had been mostly serving in caregiver roles. Both losses were very upsetting. However, it has been reassuring to see that my mom and Shirley are both doing well in the aftermath. Clearly, Shirley's recovery has been tougher as she has moved and had hip surgery. Still, she is in place where she has things to do and can interact with others - including us - more often.
I turned sixty this past year. Almost every marriage decade birthday made me sad. This year I felt happy. At forty I thought I was getting old. At sixty I feel that I am healthy and in good physical shape. But I know that I can see the end of my life, perhaps in the distance, perhaps very soon. I want to make every day count, with my wife, with my children, with my close friends and in my work. In 20 years, with God's help I will be 80. I want to make these years matter.
No major events for this past year.
My son started middle school. I didn't anticipate how big a milestone this would be. It seems to dovetail with his rampant yearning for independence. Now he seems to be spending so much time with his peers, outside of the home. I am excited for him and proud of how well he is managing the increased responsibilities that accompany the "longer leash," but I am also sad because it feels like I am losing him.
My little brother passed away unexpectedly. Actually many of us probably secretly thought this day might come, but none of us would have said it out loud. My brother suffered from schizophrenia. He struggled through his early 20s with it. It was terrible on him and my family. He was 31 and seemed to be in a better place. He was on medication and had gone back to finish his college degree in Colorado. Apparently his medication ran out while he was living in the dorm. At the same time he was introduced to heroin by someone. He tried it and overdosed.
I answered this on day 1. But it was certainly they birth of our second daughter on March 24, 2015 at 9:48 in the evening. Obviously this affected me deeply. It has also made me think about how precious and fleeting life is and how scared that makes me.
There are several related milestones, which is the decline in health of O.'s dad who recently started hospice, and of both my grandparents, who just moved to an assisted living facility. They are all still here today, but I would guess by the time I am reading this next year, I wouldn't be surprised if none of them are. How has this affected me? Well call me self-centered (I am) but it's made me think about my own future. I am lucky enough that I am not the one who has to directly care for any of them. It's made me think, wow my grandparents are lucky they still have each other in their lives, especially since they don't seem to have a lot of outside friends and probably never have. It seems rare that an older lady still has her partner with her. Oftentimes, women live longer and are the younger person in a relationship. I wonder who will be with me when I'm in my 80s. O.'s dad has declined and I would guess he wasn't ready for it. But it also makes me look at how his mom is managing it, and not complaining much about her own ailments as they are relatively not as bad. "In sickness and in health" comes to mind. Will I be a caregiver? Possibly more than once? Also, why do I always see myself as the caregiver in that kind of relationship? Maybe I see that as less bad than being someone's (or, multiple someones') burden. Another factor with my grandparents is that they can't take care of each other anymore, and they are dependent on their children and the care system. I'm not going to have children and I doubt the system will even be intact by that point. I may have nothing but my IRAs, for as long as that lasts. I just sent my grandparents some homemade pillows as a housewarming gift. They are not the best workmanship ever, but they are ok, and I'm glad I didn't procrastinate that project. I mailed them Thursday and I think they should arrive at their new apartment today (Oh except my grandma's in the hospital with a broken bone). Time just seems to move ever faster.
Isabela's birth; Sarah's new job; Dan and Emma and the fight with Dan. I push too hard, and I expect too much in return. It's very hard for me to take a back seat. WHich is disrespectful of me. I need to be more patient, but don't we all say that? Is anyone ever patient enough?
The biggest milestone I can think of, is that for the first time in my life, I drank a beer alongside my parents while we were on vacation in Ireland. I guess it has made me excited for what the future of family vacations will hold, and how my relationships with my parents have the possibility to change now that we share this adult hobby...
Wow - I feel like I have the same answer as last year. No milestone birthdays, no milestone anniversaries. We've seen some friends turn the clock on 40, watched from the outskirts as marriages have dissolved . . . Arielle did go to camp for the first time, which had an element of ldor va dor for us - she attended Laurelwood, my alma mater. It was amazing how my spirits rose over the summer months, knowing she was in a bunk that was almost all children of alumni, reliving some the same experiences I did over a quarter of a century ago. I think that the most important thing I experienced related to milestones is a perspective shift. The concept of the years being short and the days being long has never been more true, and milestones as less about experiences than numbers. It is less about the next milestone and more about fully embracing the current season of life. Stated somewhat morbidly (and with credit to David Brooks) life is more about creating an obit than a resume - so don't get caught up in quantitative and achievement based milestones. Look for the ones that make your heart sing. More importantly - this week Michele goes back to work. Can't wait to see how I reflect back on that next year. She is awesome and is going to do great.
This year, many things occurred. My sister became pregnant and had my nephew, I made peace with my mother sister and brother-in-law, and I managed to finally coalesce Rebecca and dad into a little unit. It took a lot of work, a lot of pain, stepping over boundaries that made me feel uncomfortable and question my integrity. I now have comrades in my family. I now have made peace with my past and have already begun to move forward. I looked into Graham's eyes and my life will never be the same again. My family is nothing like it was last year, and hopefully continues to evolve.
Son finished high school. As we live in Israel he is preparing to enter army. I am very proud but very nervous.
My niece was born. She's named Betty after my late grandmother who would have 90 this year. I can't wait to see what kind of person she becomes.
My husband and I celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary. I never thought we would last this long. I never thought it would be this easy. Marriage is work, but we work well at it together. My mom turned 71. She looks amazing, but she is vain and shallow. All looks and no substance. She's been a widow for 33 years now and has never had a real relationship since. She will probably live the rest of her life alone. I feel very sad for her and her future.
We moved from Colorado Springs to the Denver metro area for a job for me. I then lost that job. It's affecting me in several ways; financially, emotionally, socially, in my career. In short, it's causing me to reevaluate a lot of what I believe is important in life. What am I really called to do? Do I have to be doing that right now? If not, what should I be doing. These are the questions I find myself asking as I process the net appropriate steps.
I got pregnant! I'm 1 month from my due date so it hasn't affected us as much as it will when the baby is here, but it has gotten us to really clean-up and clear out useless stuff from our home and get way more organized in preparation for the baby's arrival.
No huge milestones this year, except Kahley graduated from college. That's the last grandkid out of the nest. Biggest milestone coming up is Mom and Dad's 70th anniversary in February. Hoping and praying that their health remains stable so we can truly celebrate that accomplishment.
My sister's soon-to-be move to Wichita has put a lot of things into perspective. I have been able to see the effects of her time here and how it took a toll on my parents, as well as my parents trying to pick up the pieces as she's getting ready to leave. Coming back to the house, I have seen all these firsthand, and have become more determined to be able to make it on my own.
My half brother who has remained distant since we discovered each other. Recently he reached out to tell me that he and his girlfriend split up. Since that day, he's engaged on social media with me. Small steps. It gives me hope that we can build a bridge to each other.
I turned 44, which doesn't seem like an average milestone birthday, but it is the age my Mom was when she died. I used be be deeply afraid of this age, but being here now feels very peaceful. What used to look like darkness ahead, now feels like a path with many branches, all of which hold different journeys.
My husband and I decided to start thinking about having children. Although it's not a physical milestone, it's brought about a lot of reckoning in our relationship. All of our decisions to party, to go out, to purchase, to move, to change jobs are followed up with "when we have kids . . ." It's definitely grounded me in the idea of crossing a threshold into parenthood, and the enormous gravity of becoming a family with children. I've looked at my marriage more closely and really asked myself if this marriage and this family are what I want. It's also made me take certain activities for granted less--sleeping in, going to music festivals, staying out late, buying clothes.
I have spent the last year in a wheelchair which I detest. I really want to learn to use the leg brace and a cane that will allow me to walk. I hate pity. I want to be as normal as possible. The other things this year concern my husband's mental health. He will see a specialist in early October. We are both worried because he hears words and sometimes sentences which keep repeating in his brain. It has affected his golf game. It has been a hindrance to Craig concerning be able to live a normal life.
I always struggle with this one. I didn't do this last year because I was unorganised and overly tired so I would have said the death of my grandfather. This year has been fairly boring which is a happy place to be!
Our daughters are both in official elementary school. 1st and 3rd grade. Feels like time is passing too quickly for me. Makes me contemplate my life's purpose as their most basic needs can be taken care of by them. Also, my sister-in-law is going through a divorce. Her daughters, so close to my own, are forming a whole different idea of family where dad's are unreliable and can just check out of being "all in."
no major milestones
My sister had the first granddaughter of the family. This was bittersweet, because I already loved my nephews, but I was holding out hope that I could have the first girl in the family. Caitlin took this especially hard, and even feared that the new baby would overshadow our wedding. In reality, Kinsey was great at our wedding, and there are plenty of pictures of the family dancing with her, but she didn't overshadow our big day. We're beginning to heal from the disappointment, because we're realizing we're still pretty far off from kids. I'm excited to be a father, but for right now I'm going to enjoy being a great uncle.
No major milestones with my family this year... April brought the first anniversary of my mom's death, but other than that, not much has happened other than the birth of two children to my younger brother's children (one each).
Being able to go home to Norway this summer was a major milestone family-wise for me. I spent some real quality time with my dad, my brother and his girlfriend, not to mention my aunts and uncles who live there. It was a short trip but we made every moment count, even when we were just hanging out watching soccer.
Having my older son come home. Everyone was saying how happy I should be but I knew he would not be happy, and it added stress, Now he is leaving and I am both sad and relieved. He will be happier and that is a relief to me, but he is moving further away, and I am sad about that.
I celebrated my 75th birthday. I feel so fortunate to be healthy and active and able to do all the things I love doing. From spending time with my grandson, to gardening, baking and part-time work as a Nanny, some travel and entertaining.....these are the things I'm so happy to be involved in.
This has not been a year of big milestones for our family. The year before and the one coming definitely were, but this past year was relatively quiet. One milestone for us was my son getting his license and developing a lot more freedom, which in turn has give me a good deal of extra time that I hadn't had in some time. Sometimes I kind of miss the time we used to have in the car together, but others, I'm glad for it and I am really glad he has the freedom to move about in ways that he may not have felt he did before.
It has made me extraordinarily grateful for my family and friends. I am very fortunate
My dad turned 80. Two thoughts: One, the dynamic of his celebration(s) - who wanted what, who decided; who participated; the different ones. And two, my parents' aging. 80 is no magic number that indicates sudden change, but they are both showing their ages in all sorts of (mostly small) ways - dozing, not hearing, not seeing things (like dirt around the house, or crooked pictures). Being tired out, and not the least, seeing their friends decline.
Half of the adult children are now living together. Sharing expenses, experiences. Looking out for each other to the group's mutual benefit.
We went to Leslie and Inna's wedding in San Francisco, all four of us. We were all dressed in our finest and we sang a song together. I loved singing together, and I loved singing to Leslie and Inna. The setting was so beautiful, and the couple was so generous in what they provided to everyone. There was so much love there, and I felt so lucky to be a part of the Donnell/Cohen/whateverfrenchword forvaginaducani? clan.
I got to take my first official LGBTQ/alternative wedding photos for my cousin and her wife in SF on New Years. I am so proud of her for always being her truest self and so happy to see her lit up by this new chapter of her life.
In the past year I was accepted into Aspirancy in preparation for being a candidate for the perminint deaconate. As a result many area of my life have change to accommodate this change. In the future additional changes will be needed.
My family is very small -the center being my mother sister and myself - there was a time about 39 years ago where I write about "and now there are 3" after my father passed away - being a mathematical person I came later in life to realize how the triangle is the stronger shape we have and when it comes to family it can be the hardest to navigate, each playing the other off of each person. My sister was in an unsafe relationship, she overshared with us as she needed validation and protection. She is back with her partner and has proposed to her - we learned that we don't have to share everything - somethings are ok kept to ourselves. I removed myself from the family last Thanksgiving until July of this year - I needed the space the distance and the clarity to recognize that my family is important to me, I want to be a part of it, I want to share and celebrate our successes and cry about our disappointments - overall just be - no expectations no requirements and no drama, we are working on remaking our triangle as we recognize the strength in the shape and that each one of us has something to bring... This is made me more reflective and more mindful of people and what they have to bring to the table...
My sister was finally able to share the thing was had been burdening her for almost all her life. It was very difficult for our family, but it brought us together and she feels a lot better now. I had a harder time with it than I anticipated. I'm just glad she's able to move on now. My brother is in college now! I'm glad he's doing something that he loves and that he is on a path for success and hopefully personal fulfillment. My mom has been working so hard all of her life. I don't know if she is happy or not. I wish and pray that she can find her happiness and fulfillment in life. I will help to contribute to her happiness.
My son achieving remission from leukemia was the first necessary step for him being cured. Not that I understood it at the time, but had he not achieved remission, he most likely would have passed away by now, something inconceivable that I refuse to even reflect on, but grateful he achieved remission. I don't think a mother has to explain the affect it has on her. My father turned 90 years old while my son was achieving remission. I always thought the worst thing I'd ever have to go through is the time when I lose my father, I never expected to have a son battling leukemia. I was glad that my Dad was out of rehab in time that we all were able to go to his high school reunion which my father looked so forward to. I had him discharged a little early so he could attend, taking him straight from rehab to the reunion. I was happy to see my father happy along with my son, this was prior to his diagnoses.
My mother has passed the last milestone with greater difficulties week after week. She is very old yet. She will die and I'll die with her.
Elizabeth completed her 8 week gross anatomy course and. had her white coat ceremony! nick moved into Drexel dorm. So proud of my grandchildren and their accomplishments! Following my sons amazing career!
I retired at the end of June. Was able to visit many family members in celebration.
This past year I have been pretty consumed with my health and tried to rise about the depression and apathy. I do not get as much completed as I would like and have very little enthusiasm regarding my life and what I do.
I left my OK job in a terrible organization to start an amazing new job in an amazing organization. I am much happier in my new position, and my husband and I have a great rental house with more room for the cats to hide from each other.
The biggest 'milestone' thus far was my parents' 40th wedding anniversary. It didn't really impact me directly, as an event uno itself - we were going to do a surprise vowel renewal for them like they did for my grandparents' 40th, but they didn't want that. They went to Florida (for the first time in 30 years) instead. But who they are and the longevity of their marriage has certainly had - and continues to have - a profound impact on my life. From going through things like my dad's brain tumor when I was in elementary school, to dealing with my depression/suicide issues... Eben when I thought they'd be better apart, and there was questions of an emotional affair, depression, verbal/psychological abuse and later the possibility of a physical affair - somehow they stuck together through all of it. I don't know if they'll spend the rest of their lives together, but 40years is pretty impressive, especially considering some of the pit stops along their journey!
Nathaniel has since had his testing. We were so excited, we'd been waiting literal years for this! Sadly, it turned out that the tester used an inappropriate test, mistook boredom for inability, and used the entire experience as a chance to slag our parenting, while simultaneously stating that all parents think their children are gifted... and ignoring that parents are generally the single most accurate diagnostic of just that. Essentially, we went in to see The Professionals and came out knowing they thought the grass was purple, and the sky plaid, and were expected to just take their word for it. The end result is a renewed confidence in ourselves versus The Professionals, and a recommendation for a proctor who is actually familiar with twice exceptional children.
My stepfather died this year. It was a tough loss for all of us and yet it has brought several of us slower with my mom.
My dad retired two weeks ago. He has been a chemist for 41 years in the same company - something that just doesn't really happen very often anymore. We are all excited for his next phase of life and he is taking time to take care of his mother and her apartment. I hope he gets time to enjoy other aspects of his life, volunteer at local institutions, and maybe go travel.
Many family members are getting older, getting sicker, and dying. One cousin died this past year. I nearly lost an aunt. My grandmother is hanging in there but getting older and frailer. An uncle has cancer and doesn't have the means to get treatment. I've gotten to visit family a few times because of work trips. That's been really nice! My brother came to visit and that was HUGE!! He ran a half marathon while I cheered him on. We had a great time hanging out and visiting Glacier National Park. We saw 3 bears!! This all serves to remind me to take care of myself so that I can live a long and happy life. Find the good in people and celebrate them while they are here on earth.
My grandma turned 95 this year. Of all my grandparents, she's the one who has changed the least, even though she is now the oldest. Even though I'm terrified of flying, I went to Chicago for her birthday party. It was great to see everyone and reflect on the amazing life that she's lived so far. It's also a reminder that no one lives forever. Another reminder of the fact that we are mortal, but when we know each other and remember each other, we can live with the essence of our loved ones forever.
I have realized that Jesus Christ is not the messiah and it crushed me for a time. I was taught over and over that Jesus loves you and that's all you need, but I now know that is not the truth. No one can die for your sins, you are responsible for your actions. Exodus 32:30-35 Deuteronomy 24:16 Ezekiel 18 Jeremiah 31:29-30 I am embracing Judaism and am learning the truth of G-d's message. I began studying and the many contradictions in the christian bible began to shine the light on the truth. The messiah is still to come and the truth lies in Judaism. I'm reading My Father My King and it's the hardest book I have ever read. I challenge everyone to read it and follow what it teaches.
This has been a year of excursions and changes, the biggest of which was buying our loft. I think we are still too in the midst of this change to really get its impact. Not only did we buy a home. but my wife left her job of 15 years and started her strength and conditioning business. While this is more of a milestone for my wife, it is also a change for both of us as I am now the only one earning a steady paycheck and providing insurance. I think the impact of all this will be that I more strongly embrace my adulthood and my professional self. I think I am beginning to take myself more seriously. We are also spending so much more time together. And my wife, although stressed by the changes and pressure, is infinitely happier. This gives me great joy.
My brother had his first child. I love watching him be a dad. The way he cares for her. She is my first niece that I have lived close to since birth, and the special place where that bond starts is such a gift to me.
We welcomed our first child. Becoming a mother has strengthened my relationship with my parents - I text and call them more often to share photos, videos and news of our daughter's growth. It has made me appreciate my parents that much more, now that I'm starting to understand just how much work it is to be a parent. I am interested to see how my relationship with my parents continues to change as my daughter gets older. I'm hoping that my relationship with my mother and father in law also improves.
This summer we reached one year since my Papa passed away. That was really hard for me, because I didn't get to be there at the end, since I was in Israel. I spent all night in the middle of Austria trying to not wake up my parents because I was crying so hard, but in the end it woke them up. I really really miss him. I got to go to his grave two weeks ago, which was a bit of a weird experience. I thought there would be more closure, or that I would feel something more, but it was kind of just a spot in the ground. I don't know....
My daughter turned one. She's starting to communicate with us a little more. She's a very happy person, and really smart despite lack of language development. She understands a lot, she loves to share and loves to try to clean up after herself. She's a lot of fun. She loves her brothers and her cats and animals and flowers and the world around her. I hope she's always this happy and full of joy. I hope she can always see the world as a wonder. I think her happiness is starting to run off on me. She greets everyone with enthusiasm; like rediscovering an old friend after years. She finds wonder and beauty in flowers like I do and it's great seeing the same flowers through new eyes. I hope more of her happiness can rub off on others.
The major milestone for me has been around my dad having respiratory failure and making it through to only go back in the hospital for c-diff. He has been the person in the family that has been stable and a constant force of strength. His process of leaving this planet had really brought so many things to the surface for the rest of the family. For me I have realized I can no longer overlook being emotionally abused and talked about negatively by the rest of my family. I can say I am in the process of letting go of the illusion that I have a loving family that wants the best for me. I no longer have a relationship with my sisters, grandmother, mother or anyone else they are close too. It has taken me 41 years to get to this point and unfortunately it's comes in a time where my only link to the family- my dad- is in the process of leaving this planet. My dad being in the rehabilitation center had given me the time to be with him and hold his hand as he is going through such a hard time physically. I know he wants to go home but there is no one qualified to take care of him the way he is at the moment. How I see this is that he is able to process what he needs to process in peace and is being taken care of by the nurses. I do think if he was at home he would be back in the hospital by now with other complications. So all this has been extremely challenging for me. Receiving hateful texts from my sister revealing all the hurtful things she thinks of me and at the same time seeing how they are just her projections of the unresolved material in her consciousness. Letting go of my mother and choosing not to be around someone who is emotionally abusive and not making excuses of her mental illness anymore. It is time to end this journey with them from a place of love. Nothing that I say or do will ever please them or change things...in fact they will twist my words into what serves them so I close the door with love and gratitude for the many lessons they have given me. I am sad that my dad is away from his home and is alone most of the time until I get there and at the same time I am happy that he is cared for and I get time with him. The day will come that he will leave his body and I can say I am at peace with him. I want to help him and at the same time I know all I can do is just be there with him and love him. I can't take his pain or suffering away--it is not my responsibility and since it is happening it is serving his unfoldment some how even if I can't see it. My time with Lee C has also come to an end. We have been intimate for the last 2 years and it just ended last night.... or I think it did. My journey with him continues as a master teacher for me and that is about it. I want to hold on to him...but he has not given me nothing to hold on to. He released something major for me last night--fear that had a grip on me and I thank him for that. Something that had attached to me from my childhood---that's gone as well and I am thankful. My 11 years of inner work has really helped me deal with the last 3 months. If I did not have my spiritual practice or work I would probably be using drugs or something else to escape that I have and still am going through. What I am grateful for is that I am able to see where I am today and how much I have grown in my consciousness. I am a different person and can no longer dim my light and not stand in my truth. I can no longer choose not to see or just live in illusions of my fantasies. I know my family has given me the greatest gift of Freedom and I know it is all done out of love. This is what I am grateful for and it doesn't make moving through the human level any easier. With wisdom and each level of consciousness comes a responsibility. I can choose to make everyone wrong but I can see past that and know the beauty in all of it. I know this is long and I just needed to document what I have been moving though since July 2015. It might not make sense and it's okay. I just know I have been poured into with the truth of my being and it has helped me see my true identity that now that I am being talked about have a foundation that will lift me up and not believe what is trying to break me down. Thank you God!
A lot of things changed for my family in the past year. I moved across the country, my sister finished her first year of teaching and moved in with her boyfriend, my brother got into grad school but is deferring and is doing an internship in Florida for a couple months. my youngest brothers both did a coding boot camp and one has been at his job for about 6 months. Hopefully the other moves out soon and finds a job. I would say each of my siblings have had some sort of milestone/life change this year, but it hasn't been as a family cohort. Our lives our changing as we each develop our own individual path and we even feel less as a unit. This is sometimes challenging as we used to feel like such a strong unit, but we've all changed.
My oldest daughter graduated from college in April. It is amazing watching her continue to grow, meeting the challenges of adulthood. I feel as if I am learning more than she is!
My oldest daughter moved out of the house and into an apartment, with perhaps not the best choice of roommate (her exboyfriend who she still had a thing for) and my youngest graduated from high school. I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, the time when I'll be able to be on my own, and not taking care of someone full time. We're getting closer to being able to sell the house, and this is both exhilarating and terrifying. I think I will finally be able to get divorced! again exhilarating and terrifying.
Wow... This question... I lost my mom (mamma-jam) a few months ago. I could write all day about how she's been there for me and the sacrifices that she's made for her family. She was one of a kind and she was the perfect mother. But, I think the most important lesson that I've taken from it is that death happens. Everything will die. Sounds simple, but it's the one certain that we never prepare for. When a family member passes, you start to see more of them in yourself. It's crazy, but I was sad at first, but have taken it much better than I expected. I think it's because I accept that death is a part of life and has to happen. It doesn't make me miss her any less. I just hope that she's proud of the man that I've become. The milestone part is that my family is now closer than ever. Her passing really put into perspective what having family now is worth.
Actually, there were two. First, my grandmother on my father's side died. She had been bedridden for ten years, suffering from severe dementia. So severe that she no longer remembered anyone, had forgotten how to speak and slept most of the time. Her death, although sad, felt more like a liberation to me. I wasn't particularly saddened. The woman who was my grandmother had disappeared ten years ago and I had said my goodbyes to her the previous year, fearing her sudden passing. Now Granny was gone for good and freed from a dark, hazy existence. The second, and by far much happier, was the birth of my nephew. What a wonderful and magical event! How can someone's heart fill up with so much love and so quickly? He's just turned four months old and I love that kid a little bit more each day. Kinda makes me want kids of my own... :)
My Daughter and her boyfriend moved in with my husband and me. both my daughter and husband have health issues, While 4 adults and the wonderful dog they rescued living together has challenges especially since all of the humans have different ideas on what constitutes healthy eating, the experience is wonderful and enjoyable, I refuse to accept criticism or apologize for my nest not being empty. each family has to do what is best for them, And speaking of empty nests we all loved watching a robin family make a home in a bush on the tiny piece of land we call a patio on the side of our town house. we saw the eggs and the babies in the nest and we saw they venture to the side of the nest and the bush and they were gone. We hope some of the robins we saw on the law were "our babies".
i have had no major milestones both of my kids have had some work success -made me feel relieved
I had a few conversations at a family gathering with cousin that cleared up what I figured people thought about me. It made me feel less pararnoid and I believe it brought us together. I am happy I had the courage to say something and it all turned out much better than I expected.
My sister had her second baby. This makes my parents very happy and takes some of the pressure off me. Still not sure if I want kids, so it's nice that my parents now have two grandchildren, which is what they wanted very badly, and I can continue to figure out the right path for me without worrying.
Is my grandma's diminishing health a milestone? I don't know for sure, but it's at the top of my list. She had major brain surgery in March and hasn't been back to her home since April. This has certainly affected me - and it will continue to. I've thought so much more about living a life I'm proud of, knowing my gram went into that surgery not knowing how she'd come out of it and telling one of my aunts that whatever happened, she'd be ok - that she knew she's lived a good life. So, it has also affected me in that I've been thinking more about death, too. About sharing wishes and honoring someone by following through with those wishes and leaving this world with dignity and as peacefully as possible. The other milestone, I suppose, is also fresh. Last weekend my sister got married and I think seeing the love and the work she and her husband put into their relationship has made me more wholly aware of the love I want to share with someone else in the future. It's also softened me a little bit, which is certainly a good thing. Overall, I think these milestones over the course of this year have really helped me to figure out my priorities and to live with those in mind everyday.
My father turned 91 and we were lucky we could celebrate it all tougher in a nice one week cruise I felted happy to see him still enjoying life and dancing with my mum
It was supposed to happen last year, but my parents finally moved into a new home. It hasn't officially affected me yet, but it will once the holidays hit. It's just further away and puts more stress into traveling down there, so the issues are really superficial.
The major milestone for Sunshine and I this year has been Rob. He has been the most positive change for us. We are finally on our way to being complete.
My daughter moving to London after benign home for 4 months. She still does not have a paying job- that makes me very anxious. My family is so small that milestones have become few and far between. : ) I guess that's a good thing that we' haven't had tragic milestones.
The birth of our 4th son Caelan. We had tossed out the idea that we might try for a little girl at some point but with 3 little boys 6 and under it was a few years off. Usually when my wife thinks she might be pregnant it's a few days of maybe, some test, then finally confirmation. With the 4th it was special that I was out the door to take our oldest to the bus and was called back in. Confirmation. 40 weeks later a healthy baby boy, Kristin retired from her IT job, spending half her time sorting out the new health care. I'm excited but super stressed. Kristin is the kind of Mom that cooks, cleans, bakes. The boys have cookies and such often when they come home from school so they truly are the lucky ones. I just home I can keep things moving since I'm a commissioned salesman.
My wife divorced me. As far as I can tell, nothing has changed for the children, she is free to do whatever she wants to do and I've ended up in Yerushalayim, at least for awhile. On the one hand, it made me very sad and lonely. On the other hand, I've never been as blessed as I am now.
We moved across the country...again. I am so glad that we made the decision to come back to Tucson. I feel at home here.
The move from separation to divorce happened this past year. It was hard not being home to support Sydney and Sam through it. But it was something I knew needed to happen for their home life to be healthy while I wasn't there. When I think about how Sam's childhood will be and is so different from my own, it makes me sad that he won't be surrounded by the same enviroment that I was. Of course, it would be unrealistic to imagine him having the same experiences that I did. I just want him to enjoy the way I was able to. You can feel the peace that has grown over the household though. The physical separation was needed for everyone to be able to breathe and live without stepping on everyone else's toes. I am happy that this peace was found before the situation got worse. I feel lucky to have parents that can still engage and care about each other. It is also comforting to know that even when times were at their worst between everyone, friendship was still there. I look forward to everything really finding its groove in the years to come.
My dad had bilateral knee surgery this year, up to that moment, he'd always seemed pretty invincible to me. A few weeks before he had surgery, I was at the grocery store with him and I could just tell by the way he was walking that he was in pain. It hurt me to see someone I loved in pain. When he had surgery, I was able to spend the week up there, helping out around the house - and I am so grateful for that experience. It showed me yet again, just how much I love my father, and just how much relationships can change due to working a program, due to the 9th step in particular.
My brother and I got closer since I made the decision to have my father move into assisted living. We are sharing the responsibility for the moment and it brings me great peace to know that our relationship is on firmer ground.
I graduated from the Vanderbilt Divinity School with an MTS degree. I began the divinity school experience at Yale in 1975 (one year), continued at Vanderbilt (one year) and then dropped out to take advantage of a record deal with an early contemporary Christian rock band called Fireworks. I returned to Divinity School at Vanderbilt in 2010 with the intention to complete the M.Div program I had started, but as plans were modified over the years it became apparent there was no reason to do the additional work for ordination, as I was not part of any denomination that would ordain me. So the MTS was the obvious answer. This accomplishment was more about the process than the goal, and it affected me hugely in terms of intellectual curiosity both satisfied and renewed, confidence built, relationships formed, personal growth accomplished and life enriched. It remains to be seen how having earned the degree will enhance my career hopes and dreams.
My grandma died this year. we dealt with it well as a family, talking about feelings and fears for the first time in years. it hit me much harder than i expected and i felt supported and actually not judged.
It sounds silly, but this past year we had a "successful" vacation for the first time with our 5-year-old. This was notable because we were visiting my family and my husband's family--two things destined to stress us out. But this year we arranged things exactly as we wanted to: flying in to a different city to visit a friend, leaving our daughter with her grandparents for 2 days so we could visit other friends, limiting our stay at my in-laws' place (but taking my mother-in-law out for dinner and movie for watching our daughter), and then renting a house with my sister, brother-in-law, and my cousin and her husband in my hometown. It was so nice to have a place in my hometown to go to relax and enjoy my siblings and cousins, without the stress of our parents. The space was beautiful, affordable, and on the lake! And it was fantastic to see my grandmother. Overall, it really turned out so well, which it never has before. It made me feel like I truly have the ability to make a life I want to have.
Charley moved home. Yippee. I feel more complete with family here. On the other hand, my mom fell and I had to go into fix mode. Dropping everything, flying down and spending time there. She is far away. I learned that she was afraid to ask for help, yet craved it at the same time. She was afraid she would end up in a home and lose her independence. I need to be mindful and respectful of that feeling--really understand how big a deal that is. For any of us really. And with it I vowed to continue to take care of myself and stay healthy.
I've pretty much choose to believe that I've learned more how not to be than how to be from my mother..... It's not freed me as I think it might have. I hope to learn how to feel free
My sister had a baby. It affected me in many ways -- made me realize I don't have forever to take my time growing up and being ready to live my life. It's passing me by, and just because I still feel unsure and like a kid about things doesn't mean my ovaries feel the same way. To be honest, it made me want a kid. Not now, but definitely. And it made me want to do what I need to do to get myself into a good position to have one. My mom also got kidney cancer. I think I have pretty good defenses against these things (chalk that up to half a lifetime of experiencing tragedy and loss) so I didn't totally feel it but it did make me realize she won't be around forever. It really is time to grow up. The last was realizing that I am a part of the vicious cycle with my mom and my brother, and removing myself from it. There was a moment when it looked like he was going to move in here and I was absolutely against it but still felt like a kid, like it wasn't my choice, I was subject to my family's decisions and kind of just stuck here dealing with it. I reacted with what was probably the most teenage response possible: I insisted on deadbolts on the door to my side of the house, the equivalent of "well he's not staying in MY room." It was incredibly relieving to me to have that deadbolt. Kind of a transition into "I don't have to let Andrew and my family drama intrude into every aspect of my life. I am protected. I can create the life I want to create without worrying my family's going to barge into it and ruin it all." Months later, I made a big decision: I would let go of the responsibility I felt to make Andrew okay and my mom stop taking the abuse. Their relationship is a two-way street and while she might not quite know how to end the abuse, she contributes to it in letting him emotionally blackmail her. As long as it gets him what he wants, he has no reason not to continue. Also, it kind of sucks that all my mom hears is "well don't let him do that to you!" And other pieces of well-meaning advice from people who, as she puts it, "don't understand." So, encouraged by Earl, I put my foot down a bit and told her "I love you, I'm here for you, but I can't hear about how Andrew treats you anymore. If there's something I can do about it, a way I can help you, I will, otherwise I'm staying out of it. It hurts me too much to hear this and not be able to do anything about it." And truthfully, taking that responsibility to protect her off my shoulders made it so I can listen to her better without it punching me in the gut quite so hard. There's an indifference I've earned: "I've given enough of my time, my compassion, my best advice, my life to this problem. It's time I move on."
My beloved has turned 50. He's experiencing a great deal of "Where am I in life?" moments and both professionally and personally sees what he has not accomplished with 20-20 vision while undervaluing his accomplishments and blessings. He wants a life I can not give him; a child of his own to raise from conception to adulthood and a life back home in his native country. I pray in these Days of Awe to become open to how we can make life richer for him as he has made life wonderful in so many ways for me and for my children and grandchildren.
We paid off two Student Loans. Still have quite a lot more to go but it is VERY freeing. Don't feel so strangled financially.
My father turned 59, which is celebrated as the 60th in Taiwanese culture. Our whole family and many family friends all got together on a cruise ship and celebrated together in grand style. Prior to the cruise, my brother and I took the opportunity to write him our personal memories in a diary that we hope inspires him to write the rest of his life story into. It became a bittersweet exploration that made me realize majority of my happy and meaningful memories of my father all stem from my childhood...as opposed to later in life when he just worked all the time. As I pondered this, it made me realize how much I want to be with someone who values family more than work. At the same time, I also realized I have to take the opportunity to rebuild my relationship with my father as well.
I've become more independent from my parents. we argue more about things but I can make my case and usually can turn the argument in my favor. Also they have more confidence in me
Bronner the foster baby It has disrupted sleep, complicated life, and induced stress. But it has also taught me about God's love, made me appreciate joy, and helped me understand grace much more deeply.
This summer my mother found out that she had cancer. There were a few weeks when we had no idea what the prognosis would be, what we were looking at in terms of how this would affect our family and the coming year. That was certainly challenging, to hold the possibility that my mom could be dead in a few months in one hand and the hope that she would live many many years in the other. She had surgery and her cancer was staged at Ib, which is very lucky. She is currently in the midst of chemo which will be followed by radiation and hormone therapy, but she should live many more years. This has complicated many things, and it has also led to some filtering of relationship with my mother, and with my family. How I see my role, how I interact with my siblings, how I speak about my family with my friends and coworkers, are all a little different now.
Grandpa died...it hit me really hard, but it was reassuring that my family stuck together and comforted one another. I'm luck to have such a great family.
We've decided to move to San Diego to be closer to my grandchildren. We'll also spend half the year in Connecticut to be close to my other daughter (actually, step-daughter.) Now we're both retired. How this will affect me in the long run remains to be seen. I'm a little apprehensive, but I know it's necessary or the little girls will grow up without my seeing them enough. And as for the retirement, I was getting tired out by the work anyway, though I might have lasted another year or two.
My brother Kenny's back got better from an injury, and he got a new job with higher pay to go with it. This took some stress off of everyone and made us feel better about his situation.
My eldest brother passed away in January from early onset Alzheimer's. He was just 58 went he lost his decade long battle with the disease. I honestly can't come up with words to express.
My husband's grandmom just turned 95 and we were there to help celebrate the amazing event. It gives me hope that he'll be my partner in crime for decades and decades, despite some of his less salubrious habits.
As mentioned previously, the biggest milestone our family hit was the adoption of my niece. It really is hard to quantify how much she has affected our family. In short, I don't remember a time when our family has been happier, especially after our dad's passing. She makes life a little bit easier to live. We are closer than we have ever been, and she has been crucial to that.
My mother in law died, which has brought he and his sisters closer than they have ever been. It has been strange to have this shift in our relationship- they were not a factor in our relationship before, now they are present. Not a negative, just an adjustment.
it has hopefully given us all an opportunity to grow
It has been very difficult coping with my husband's rage. It was scary for my son to witness an argument between us and it was challenging to maintain my integrity when he was publicly rude. I spent quite a few nights thinking our marriage was over. Ultimately I had to give him an ultimatum: Anger management classes or I wouldn't sign a mortgage. Although he swears the class wasn't helpful, something has changed and he is calmer than before. I don't ever want to put my kids at risk and there were moments I worried I was exposing them to meanness and cruelty. Now he is relatively nice to everyone, including the dog!
My "family" in this instance is me and the two kitties. My decision to go to grad school next year has been major and the effects are only at the beginning of their unfoldings. I'm scared about the future, I'm excited about the future. I'm scared about money, about whether I'll still be able to afford my house (even with a roommate). I've looked at apartment listings online several times (including this morning) trying to figure out what my rent would be if I sold the house. I know I'm only at the beginning of this transition so the anxiety/anticipation of all that lies ahead is freaking me out!
My mother is in assisted living and doing well. My brother and sister visit and stay at my place so it makes me take better care of the place and practice hospitality, which I'm getting good at. Ha!
I found letters between my paternal grandparents from WWII this past fall, and it's enabled me (and my family) to see a side of them and their relationship that no one ever suspected. I didn't really understand them as individuals, and as a couple, before finding these letters. I think my dad and his siblings were really surprised at just how smitten my grandfather was, and how romantic he could be.
My father turned 80 and we threw a birthday party for him. It's hard to imagine my parents getting older. The party was so nice and Andy made a slide show incorporating his favorite songs and photos. It was really meaningful and so moving. Thank God my father has rebounded from his triple bypass and is healthy an living. I love my father so much and it pains me to think that there will come a day when he and my mother will both be dead.
My sister bought a house. She is 38 and has never done something so independent before. She has always relied on my family to help her with important decisions. Both my parents felt a bit left out, but I was very proud of her for doing this on her own. She had been renting for years. Her family had outgrown the space. And her kids were getting to an age where they needed the community and yard and all those things that come with living in a house. I had a conversation with my sister last week. She was worried our dad was mad at her since he hasnt talk to her much about the process (now that it is final). I told her, he just cares about you and he was proud of you making your own decisions and didnt want to say the wrong thing and have you think he was judging you. For the first time in a long time I think she heard that and felt good about herself and her relationship with our dad. Makes me feel more connected with my family, and proud to see them growing as people.
Again, that would be the birth of our daughter. The pregnancy was uneventful, besides some uncomfortable swelling near the end. The labor went well, I thought. Delivery got complicated, and the placenta wouldn't come out, so there was a lot of blood, I fainted a couple times, the ambulance came over and brought me to the hospital to have the placenta removed manually, and I was home again by lunchtime the next day. I shouldn't have any leftover guilt about it but I do. I feel like my husband wishes we'd been in the hospital the whole time (which really scared me, especially after the first delivery turned into a c-section when I didn't need it) and then I felt (and feel) awful because my parents didn't need that kind of worry in their lives after losing one child already... So it's not only a happy memory when I think about the day she was born. 90% happy. Every month, when we celebrate her month "aniversaries" a little piece of me remembers the worry I caused my family, and it makes me sad all over again. Maybe I'll let that go someday. It took a couple of years to let go of the c-section guilt.
Timothy got married. He was the last child to move out: my empty nest. It represented a tremendous milestone because he had been addicted to drugs for many years and had not been functioning as an adult. His wife understands his cultural background and his love for rodeo, so it seems unbelievable that he could have found a partner who can really support him. So his marriage is a real success story, when not so long ago his chances for lifelong happiness seemed pretty dim. For the first time in my life, for a very long time, I am not responsible for anyone but myself. It is hard for me to understand who I am, since it has been so long since that was important enough to ponder, and I am certainly not the same person I was before I was married. I feel lost, kind of floating in some sort of nebulous ether, as if whatever I do doesn't really matter. I really need a new goal to work towards, and let any goal I can think of seems silly or irrelevant. I still feel like I can make worthwhile contributions to something or someone, but no one seems willing to receive anything that I have to give. I am trying to just dissolve into hedonism, but that seems pretty unnatural after so many years of trying to work and take care of so many problems. In first grade I wore out my shoulder, raising my hand, begging my teacher to let me answer every question, and she never called on me. Here I am again, volunteering, offering, knowing, but just waving my arms futilely....
My aunt whom I am very close to was diagnosed with stage 3 uterine cancer. It all happened so quickly and unexpectedly, making it a complete whirlwind for our family. While her prognosis looks ok as she goes through her chemo treatments, we are all still nervous. Still on egg shells. Still holding our breaths. It's been stressful...but by no means a Worst Case Scenario. Luckily she has a great attitude, a fighting spirit and a hilarious sense of humor to guide ALL of us through this challenging time.
My nephew found his first job, and my sister found a job after being unemployed for ages! I'm hoping that she loves it and gets paid more than enough to be comfortable, and I'm hoping that he loves having his own income enough, and dislikes being a cashier enough that he decides to get serious about higher education.
My Grandmother passed away several months ago. She was the last of my grandparents. The last week or so was especially hard, she was ready to go, but her body wasn't quite ready yet. She was afraid that the people at the care facility would try to keep her alive. I miss her so very much.
Sadie started middle school. Leading up to choosing a school was incredibly stressful. She was accepted to two (public) schools and I feel she made the right choice. Walter Reed is huge and diverse and there are many challenges. But the teachers are wonderful and they are inspiring her to climb to new creative heights and she's very happy. She's more grown up though and more independent which make me feel very proud but also worried and sad. She's becoming more her own person and less my person.
My son and his girlfriend of 3 years broke up and I am not in touch with my Grand daughter. I miss her and hoped to se her occasionally.
My sister was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. There was a whole restructuring of the family. Many, many adjustments had to be made. I find solace at my Temple and counseling with my rabbi.
My nephew was born. It's made me extremely happy, and at the same time sad that I don't have a child of my own.
Both children are out of the house! We still have their 'stuff,' but they do not think of our house as theirs anymore. It is a relief to have them grown and becoming self sufficient. That is what it is all about, after all. Life, however, is precarious, and I have learned over the years and nothing is certain. So, there is always a whisper of trepidation, although, the day to day events are gloriously free. My husband and I are much more relaxed. We don't need that high level of parental vigilance.
My twin sister and I both graduated! I've never seen my family so proud. I was especially proud of my sister, because I know it wasn't easy for her to get her diploma.
Turned 50. Guess that is a milestone. Made me think about my mortality a bit more and the realization that I should be enjoying this life as much as possible. Why am I sitting on my computer answering questions when it is a beautiful day outside? Later.
Nothing. That's a bad thing, right?
This last year, my family coalesced around me and I moved to Massachusetts, got a new job, am about to finish college and am in the best shape of my life. It's all been a whilwind and I am so lucky.
Lol really. How timely. So the whole suicide thing, that's the fundamental milestone. Then there's the trip I just literally got back from. Grant by the time you are reading this next year you just climbed thru a window to get to dw because the door was locked. But I digress. I lost my family this year. My moms in Florida. I felt close to drew and april till I spent too long with them and dad exited the picture. It's scary. I feel like there's no net. Even with how miserable and misguided my parents and brother are I thought they'd catch me. But simultaneously, they othered me. I was castigated to a character to our dynamic not to my personhood. With Jane with the cat who's at my feet, I'm me as I want to be with this family I created. This family might move on, it's not blood so there's no obligated bond, or whatever and that's terrifying but I'm way more myself, way more at home than I ever was.
I guess beyond my being laid off aside, my family is now moving into a new phase of life. This has left me somewhat at a loss...as the job applications submitted so far have not yet borne fruit, but I hope that I am able to find a job that gives me more satisfaction this year. This move also coincides with my girls both emerging from kindergarden age, and we are starting to take how they express themselves and their feelings more seriously. This comes with its own challenges as I get a taste of what their teenage years will look like. We are also trying to help them to discover the ways in which their personalities will unfold, and they are such a (n exhausting) delight to us.
I started sending love to my 3 children and their families by just mentally seeing love flow from my heart to encircle each of their faces. For the first time in years my sons called me on Mother's day AND my birthday. How did affect me? It opened my heart.
We gave our property to our girls. It felt scary at first then it was a relief to know that the property was safe
My brother had a nervous breakdown. He came sobbing to my flat one afternoon, he couldn't go into college, he was just too anxious and stressed. Then he couldn't even speak to me on the phone without crying. Then he started getting up at 2pm. Not sleeping properly. Not eating properly. Barely living. I called my mother back from her travels. She was not happy at first. She resisted. The boat isn't in a convenient location. Alan can't come back with me. I broke my finger. I can't possibly fly out. Finally, she relented. She's back now, staying at my partner's family house whilst they're away. Then she's renting a little room between our two houses for a couple of months. It's been really tough. Hard trying to support my brother emotionally, when I'm really not the empathetic type. Hard trying to convince my mother to come back and play her role when she was more interested in having a good time. Hard trying to keep it together now that she's here. We don't get along that well. She rubs me up the wrong way. I rub her up the wrong way. But we're all trying for the sake of my brother. Is it working? I don't know. But we rallied round when my brother needed it. In some small way, we are still a family. Even if at times, it just feels like we're people that happen to be related, with nothing else in common. You can't choose your family. But you can create a new family for yourself. More and more I cling to that phrase. Because I feel so little relation to my family anymore. And that makes me very sad.
We became a family without a father. This has made me the only parent, the only resource that my kids have. It is a huge shift of responsibility to be the Final Word. I hope I am able to keep the family afloat and keep them safe on my own. My beautiful daughter started high school this year, and I pray that I have the strength to guide her to womanhood on my own.
I'm choosing to incorporate my "chosen family" and not just my family of origin - one of my oldest and dearest friends will is pregnant and due in October. The milestone of being present with her as she takes this journey has made me look at my own plans and how they might impact having the same milestones down ten road.
The more I do these questions the more I am reminded that there are no major milestones in life, there are no major events, etc. Or at least, they are very rare. In the past year Sydney has begun walking and talking and Noah has entered kindergarten (however, he has not stopped shitting his pants). You could say these are both "major milestones," but are they? Almost every kid walks and talks at some point; and almost every kid goes to kindergarten. The fact that our children "achieved" these things is of no real consequence. Someday the kids will do things like graduate high school and move out of the house, or get married. Those things will affect me. For now, even the major milestones are really just an expected part of the process and they generally have no effect on me.
My going off to college about 3 weeks ago! I call my parents about once a week and text Katy and Ben intermittently.
A total reunion with my parents has been the only positve thing to happen to me in years.
I've stopped talking with my sister. And started again, little by litter. I feel like this has actually given me the respect I've been fighting for my whole life; like they've finally decided to take me seriously. Nathan and I moved in together, and there is more of that feeling of partnership, unity- like a little mini family. Erin and David have gotten engaged and are planning their wedding. Feelings of jealousy, bitterness and excitement and joy are all jumbled and confusing. Grandma Rosalie is sick, with a bad prognosis- we are all waiting.
I have a feeling that every 10 q question will involve the death of my daddy this year. I could talk about my husband's last year as an employee with a regular paycheck and W-2, etc. But I can't not think about Daddy. It's all consuming. I'm the last of my tiny unit. All their influence going forward will come from my head and my heart. And they were very influential people. So loved and respected. Am I worthy? Can I bring to the world some of what they brought. Can I survive with grace and self respect and can I grow to some of their stature? Life is so different without your parents running around in the world, much more different than I expected. AND! both died so young...what am I saving my resources for? I don't begrudge leaving behind assets for my children if I don't use them, but I do begrudge putting off things I want to do with my children or things that I want to do for myself just in case I need money when I'm 97. Fuck that.
I turned 16 and got my license. It has made me more responsible and they have given me more trust.
This year, I graduated from college. It wasn't an easy road to get to that achievement. I never graduated from high school because I was constantly in and out of hospitals, treatment centers, and wilderness camps as a teenager. There were times when I wasn't sure I would live to see myself graduating from college, because I didn't want to live at all. But once I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, and allowed treatment and therapy to sink in, I turned my life around. I got my GED instead of my high school diploma, and started my college career at a community college before finally moving on a four-year women's college. The first day of orientation was the day I decided that I was going to break up with the abusive boyfriend I had lived with for two years. A couple days before orientation I had essentially escaped to my parents house, but he was so repentant, so desperate to have me back that I considered trying to work things out with him. But on orientation day, I realized that I wanted to have this experience on my own, do it by myself. He was never going to let me live my own life, have my own identity while I was with him. When I was with him, I belonged only to him, and I wasn't going to stand for it anymore. Graduation day was a very emotional one for my family and I, because there were times in the past where it seemed like this day would never come, and I had worked so hard to get here. College really made me grow up, broadened my vision and understanding of the world, and showed me that I am an intelligent and capable person, one worthy of the accolades and opportunities I worked for. The graduation ceremony itself seemed so short, nearly a blur, and I actually remember little of it though I dreamed of it for so long. But I'll always remember marching in to pomp and circumstance, waving up to my family who I could just barely see in the nosebleed seats, thankfully not tripping on the stairs up to the podium, and hugging my family after the ceremony was over. It affected me by showing me that I survived.
I never thought I would become friends with my parents, but I decided that even though I never felt like I needed them, I actually want them in my life.
My brother got engaged. I'm just honestly really happy for him. Sometimes I wish I were in a relationship too, and that can be a little hard, but it's not nearly as bad as everyone makes it out to be. I'm honestly just stoked for him, and overall I really love my life, so I don't spend a lot of time feeling envious of him.
I turned 50. I sense my place in a historical timeline more acutely. When I started junior high, for example, the end of World War II was 32 years past. Today that is today exactly how far I am removed from my high school graduation. (wow!) I know I have more confidence and self-awareness, but mostly, I feel the same as I did in my 20s, 30s, and 40s. As a result, I am more aware of efforts to save the dignity of our aging population. If I am lucky enough to avoid advanced dementia, I suspect I'll still feel much like the same person I have been all my life and will want to be treated as such instead of seen as an aging body.
I let go of my grown son - not literally, but in my head and spiritually. I let go of some idea that I needed to oversee anything or that he wouldn't be okay. And then, coolest thing, he started to call me more to say how he was doing, what he was thinking and all I needed to do was listen. It feels like some switch in my head flipped over to 'just believe for good'. Plus, I got a dog for the first time in my life - late to the party - and I'm surprised by how much I've had to stretch and grow, and how much I've gotten out of learning to love an animal who is always happy to see you. For awhile there, everything was always just where I left it and now, it's 50/50 and that even seems better
I had a baby. It has changed everything about my life.
A relative of mine died with an ongoing issue in a family feud still unresolved and he has left a legacy of bitterness. The innocent party is being blamed and it is horrible to watch. Also, a close cousin was diagnosed with a radical form of cancer. He is doing well at the moment but I know that eh has a scan coming up and I fear for him and also for his family. He has been very brave but I feel that I can't do anything to help him.
My sister found a rental house recently and we are having to sell her house, which is really my house. I hope we can sell it because otherwise I'll have to give it back to the bank and screw up my credit even more. It's putting a huge damper on my relationship with my sister because I'm tired of dealing with it. It is her decision, not mine, so I feel she should deal with it and she keeps telling me WE need to deal with it...no YOU need to deal with it because this is your house, your plan, I was just nice enough to buy it for you.
The other day was the anniversary of my father's death. This also happens to be the same day that my mother said I was dead to her and abandoned me. This obviously has affected me deeply. It's been 25 years and it still hurts because I don't know how to close the loop. I literally have no family and I feel sad about it all the time.
My daughters have moved into a house together... and before that, my oldest has been successful in her job, found a great guy, and made some very difficult decisions all on her own. My younger daughter is still figuring out who she is (she's only 21... it's normal), but she has been stepping up to learn how to manage her own time and money. I am proud, and finally starting to comprehend that I can step back a bit and let them make their own mistakes. I'm glad that they are forming a relationship as sisters - I worried for a while that this wouldn't happen, and I know it will be a valuable bond as they get older.
Coming to an agreement with my husband to charge our son rent and for some of the other expenses we were covering for him- and coming to the agreement that we want our home back.
My family finally found a home to settle in, after many years of bouncing from place to place. But now, the landlord is selling the house, so we have to move. I know this is really stressful for my family since few landlords in good areas of town accept Section 8. My mom is worried which schools my sisters will have to go to. I feel helpless because I'm halfway across the world and can't do anything to help.
Both of my brothers passed away. The second one was the hardest, as he became very difficult and wasn't able to think beyond his own needs to see how he was hurting our mother by pleading with her to stay in her home, which was not set up for him. It all took a big toll on my mother's health and on her mental and emotional well being. She's recovering, but who imagines they will lose a child, let alone two?
Two family deaths- R's brother-in-law and R's uncle. The death of Dick Kanter makes us aware that now it's our generation that is beginning to peel away. Not sure how it makes us feel- sad, scared? But in any case we have turned a corner. R's uncle is the next-to-last of that generation to die. With Aunt Ethel's eventual death- that entire generation will be gone. Aunt Ethel is 101 and is going strong - still weaves, bakes cookies, and to be near her son, has moved to an independent living apartment.
My mom had a heart attack, and bypass surgery. It made me realize how much I wish my brother and sister were closer to me, and it made me realize I can't fix my parents. There's only so much I can do to help, I can't solve every problem. It's also made me much more concerned about my own health, and how to prevent being in a similar situation when I'm older.
It was my Mom's 70th birthday this year. Major milestone! My siblings & I got my mom (therefore, also my dad) a puppy. How has this affected me? It's made my parents happier, a little more active, and at least somewhat nicer to one another. And this is HUGE. And I'm so thankful for this adorable little creature who brings such love, peace, & joy to so many, but especially my parents.
This year Charlie and I celebrated 20 years of marriage. It snuck up on us. I feel a sense of pride in our relationship at it grows and changes. We have been steady in our communication, faithful to one another and somehow we have crafted a relationship that continues to nourish and sustain us. We have the time now that the kids are grown, to try new things together- riding electric bikes, watching a series on TV together (something we never did before) and traveling a little (such as to Block Island).
Three major milestones: 1. Our son returned home from Colorado to live with us while we build him a house. Living together, we have re-established our relationships with each other and gotten to know each other as adults. 2. We are building our son a house. At first, this house was going to have to house my husband too, if he and I couldn't live together. Now, we have decided this would be bad for him and the house will be his alone. It should be done in a few weeks. 3. My husband and I have separated. The more days of separation I have under my belt, the more I realize how awful he has been for so many years. I cannot imagine living with him again.
This biggest milestone that has happen in my family is my mothers moving from Pennsylvania back to Boston. The move happen on September 2014. My mother, my step father, and my brother all moved into my tiny 2 bedroom apartment. This has affected me in so many ways. I will try cover them all. At first it was awesome! We were tight butn it is all good. My mother really helped me out a lot. During Thanks Giving and Christmas it feels good having family right next to me celebrating with me. In the past I would celebrate alone, I mean just my two girls and I. I appreciate having them and the support while I get really sick or when one of my kids gets sick. It's been a real life and emotional Roller Coaster Ride. Yes a "Roller Coaster Ride" I think the best way to accurately describe how this has affected me. I have my up up up ups followed by rapid down down down falls; together with twisted turns, normal turns and upside down turns. I am ready to get off this roller coaster but the ride is not over yet. I am just waiting on God to push, pull, move, open and reveal what is necessary to stop this roller coaster ride :-)
I suppose I am thinking more of a milestone that hasn't occurred--Noah still isn't talking. I feel like I am floating along in a river, but occasionally getting pulled under stream in an eddy before being spat back out to the top. No, there is no reason to panic--he will learn eventually, and even if there is something wrong, there is nothin I could be doing that I am not. I know in my heart that worry is counterproductive, but worry is much like chocolate brownies in the kitchen--they sometimes rumble and call attention to themselves, enticing me into the kitchen so THEY can consume ME.
Jen's unveiling as we reached one year since her suicide brought some degree of closure, family healing and readiness to move on and see that life still had much in store. While there are still some dark days for all of us, the past few months have seen new relationships, more joy and maturity and a brighter future.
I had hoped that buying a house would make me feel settled and calmer but it has not - yet
The biggest family milestone was my mother selling her big house in the country last year. I wrote about it in Question 1, but it truly was the end of an era. When I think about it I feel like an old woman looking back at the happy times in her life, which indeed is what I nearly am. Those weeks with the children there could be difficult, especially when I was on my own, but being a family was the greatest. I still miss it. I will always miss it. I want to try to reproduce it, but it can't be done. It does inspire me to try to set up a vacation-with-the-kids situation as a family tradition. I hope I can pull it off.
My dad survived Leukemia - it is a hard thing to understand. My family relationships are all so unnecessarily complicated, and my father's (second) brush with death doesn't seem to have really impacted the surface of those relationships. We were all so deeply invested in his recovery, and then it happened, and now business as usual. It's strange . For me, each time he calls, or reaches out, I remind myself to cherish his voice - even though what he says is sometimes challenging. I love my father, and it often amazes me how the little things in life seem to take center stage while the big things are ignored...
Traci graduated from college!!!
Feel pretty lucky that there were no major milestones this year. I had shoulder surgery a year ago, which could sort of count, I guess, but, in general, everything has just been going as it has. My parents are aging, so any milestones might not be happy ones. My brother moved back to Pittsburgh, and completed his associate degree at age 54, but he has been mostly just going along as he has. My daughter is 15, with nothing major happening. In general, I like avoiding major events, and just doing fun things when I can afford them, and just maintaining until I can retire.
So, last year, a major milestone that was supposed to happen, within a little over a month from vaulting my 10Q, did not end up working out. Considering how big a deal it would have been, it was incredibly painful, to say the least, not to mention embarrassing re: financial/logistical/etc. implications. I felt SO shocked, embarrassed, betrayed...in disbelief that he would be so mean to pull the same thing 20 years later. It has shaken and saddened me....made me question if I had anything of value to give...really incredibly took me by surprise. It's only been the last month or so that I'm feeling like even if I never understand, at least I can move on from it. It amazes me how one person has so much impact!
I received my associates degree. It is my first big milestone in my college career.
The major milestone was Spencer's graduation in June, then the completion of all classes in January 2015, and subsequent move to Minnesota in February to begin an eight-month training program to sell commercial insurance. His move to Minnesota, and his forthcoming move to San Francisco have been fraught with financial and logistical issues... through it all, I have been the rock-- researching, making suggestions, brainstorming, fronting money. The final scene comes in 2 weeks when I meet him in San Fran for his move in weekend and re-register the car in California. Gratitude, deep profound gratitude that I was the chosen one to bring this beautiful human into existence and have been graced with the gift of motherhood. The launch.... and now mine?
A major milestone in my family was the move. I lived in that home for 25 years and my parents were there even longer. I think it affected me by forcing me to once again confront the discomfort with not having control and experiencing yet another crushing loss. I think it's going to be for the best though.
This question brings me back to the first 2 questions: the birth of my granddaughter Ada. So I'll choose another milestone for this one. My nephew Stephen graduated from high school, the last of his generation in our family. I guess that relates to Ada, the first of the next generation. I've been feeling old--turned 55 yesterday--so these lasts and firsts reinforce those feelings. Partly, it's uncomfortable thinking of myself as a grandma, waking up with arthritis-stiffened fingers, being so distant from my 18-year-old students. Partly, it's good growing into myself, feeling more confident, feeling happier.
We have so many.. and each has affected me differently. 1) Ezra became an Eagle and Graduated HS -- To watch him truly embrace the man he is becoming has been so exciting, and in a way, sad for me, because my time as the "TEACHER" seems to be over. I miss him already as he spreads his wings and begins to fly. 2) Burt's Cancer and Laura's health Scare... Each has made me realize how valuable health is and has hopefully strengthened my resolve to get healthier. Here's to 5776 and hopefully coming into 5777 in a better space.
My mother passed away on December 31, 2014, after a brief, but intense decline. Financially, it was a godsend after struggling the previous year due to my husband's heart attack and subsequent loss of work and income. I'm still not sure about the emotional affects - she was 96 years old and had talking about passing away for at since my father had died over 10 years earlier. I am sorry that I didn't do more with her and for her - but during these last 10 years, I was working full-time, raising 2 children, and was her only child - no siblings to help out. I do know that I no longer have the one person who would be willing to let me rant when I needed to. And money can't fix that.
The last of mom's generation in her family died when she died, and the first of my generation died (Mark). I feel sad and lonely and worried about whether my extended family will remain intact. I feel so grateful to have my sisters and closer to them than ever. I have no aunts or uncles left that I am close with - just Everett - and he doesn't even really feel like family. I'm glad my kids have so many aunts, uncles and cousins. I wish they appreciated it more and were closer with them. Dad is the last of the Mohecans for me.
My grandson was born 11 years ago with multiple heart defects. He had his third open heart surgery this Spring, and for the first time in his life the doctors said there are no restrictions on his activities. Wow. A child we were told would probably die young now has a pretty normal life expectancy. Pediatric cardiology has come so far just in his lifetime! I'm so grateful!
Despite all the bad times, really bad fights and probably even hatred, my parents stuck out together for 50 years of marriage. Today, they are even holding hands again. Although they're snapping at each other, now and then they're still showing signs of affection. I was only like 8 or 10 when they went through their really bad times, so I can't remember a lot, but that was bad enough. So this affected me in a way, that I want to make it better. That I don't just want to stick it out, but share a life full of love. I think I'm doing pretty well. We're doing pretty well. My parents are a constant reminder that I can always do it better.
It turns out that the significant experiences I had in number one were, in fact, milestones. But one milestone I didn't mention was that we took our first European vacation together and ended up spending 14'days together uninterrupted by work or school. And we had to be always together, unlike at home, where you can hide in your room! the pleasant surprise was that we all got along, something my husband and I were worried about. And we had fun. The success of this trip gave me hope for the future and reassurance that we did an okay enough job raising our kids.
My cousin got married. Other than going to the wedding and seeing some people I hadn't seen in several years, I was not affected at all.
It still comes back to mom. Facing the inevitable aging of your remaining parent is a really hard thing. It's made me think a lot about my own life, what I've done to this point, and how I might want to spend whatever time I have left. My husband and I have had a number of lengthy discussions now on how we want to approach aging together. Sometimes it seems a little morbid, but I think it's better to have at least the bones of a plan in place, than to be caught completely unawares.
My daughter-in-law and son called me on their way back from her swearing in as a new citizen of the United States. I didn't realize how much citizenship meant to her until that phone call. I felt touched that they wanted to share this moment and its excitement with me. "Now I can vote," she said.
Eric completed his MA in English this year, something that he started when we moved here in 2009. Coincidentally, his last week of school, his Aunt Gwen died. He has essentially cut off all ties with his family, and his mom told us that she had cancer after she died. I am not sure how either of these items will change things but I believe they are significant. One other event of note, my brother quit his job in Youngstown and moved out to California to start a new job and move in with his girlfriend. I imagine this will be a major milestone.
A major milestone is that all four kids have moved out of my parents home. My parents are empty nesters. My mom in particular is having a difficult time with this concept. For me its great because all of my siblings live really close to me, just a subway ride away. However, it also makes me realize that life goes by quickly. Before my parents knew it all o their kids were adults and before you know it that will be happening to me. Life moves so quickly its amazing and really scary at the same time. For me this means I need to appreciate the time I am living in right now. Appreciate the people in my life and realize that things don't always stay the same.
My father died. I miss him. His grandchildren were unmoored a bit, worried about me. In his death, I appreciate his life. That is the gap that often comes with death. I miss him. I was lucky to have him, and I am lucky to have him within me, physically and spiritually.
We had one of our boys graduate from college. This was one of the most exciting events of my life. From marriage, birth of our children, to watching them grow into an adult... I now feel partially satisfied that we DID our best and they will be better prepared for life and more successful. We are looking forward to their milestones (and sharing in them) as they make their way through life.
One major milestone was my father turning 70 in July. I think this birthday caused him to reflect on his life and his relationships, which is interesting because he tends not to be very introspective and he certainly doesn't talk much about feelings. Even in his engagement he was blaming and as a result I was freed up to let go some of the hurt and the hope I had for the future of our relationship. We'll see if I can actually remember that the next time I hope for more... Another milestone this year was the completion of my cancer surgeries. Putting that behind me cuts both ways; in once sense I now feel like I really am supposed to move past it, to go on...but nothing is the same anymore. At the same time I am as put back together as I'm going to get, and so I have to accept and adjust. I am relieved that my daughter does not have to go through this anymore, hopefully not again.
My daughter graduated from high school and began her gap semester. This has left me tearing up with pride and with something poignant - my heart marks the passage of this bright and warm and creative and loving soul from our house into the world (literally). I feel grateful for who she is and for how we helped her glow with the fullness of who she is. I feel grateful that she loves us and that we love her. So much.
My oldest daughter started middle school. It's been hard juggling the different school start and end times with all of their after school activities.
My parents put a down-payment on a house near where I live. What this means is that, if all goes according to plan, instead of living 4 hours away, they will live 10 minutes away (come summer 2016). This event has me filled with anxiety as my relationship with my mother is at best cautious and at worst, distant fear of saying the wrong thing. I know in the long-run this is the best for all of us but right now, I am full of anxiety at the thought of what her presence in my day-to-day life will be like.
The major milestone that happened to my family this year is that my uncle passed away. Although this was a very sad event for the whole family it reunited my aunt and my father who have been out of communication for many years. Now they are talking at least once a week and have seen each other a couple of times since then.
Our daughter starting school is a major milestone. As our eldest child it's an accomplishment to have her survive and thrive until now. It is lovely to see what a great girl she is turning into. She's confident, outgoing, polite (most of the time), and friendly. She wants to learn and is more than ready to go into school now. She really enjoys going in and doesn't even glimpse back when we take her into class in the morning. It's a huge milestone, it means we've been doing something right for the last four years, getting her to this point. She is now going to make friends that she may keep for a lifetime. It becomes somebody else's responsibility to take care of my baby for six hours a day. To teach her how to read and write.
Scanning my family, I think the biggest milestone was my partner and my move from a rural place to a city once more. It means many fewer responsibilities, more people in our daily life, better access to medical care, to stores and restaurants, to movies and live events. It means more walking and less driving. it is a charming and relieving shift done at just the right time.
Finally married my husband after 23 years together. It was wonderful to see folks from both of our families together for the first time. We have talked about whether being married feels any different. He thinks so but can't identify exactly how. I don't really feel all that different, myself, having felt married to him already for well over a decade! But other people say they notice a difference. I'm just glad we finally did it. We kept waiting till we could afford to really "do it right," but realized it's more important to just do it. :-)
I can't really thing of one, aside from me moving 5000 miles from my mother - which is by far the furthest I've ever lived from her. I think it's been harder on her than on me - it's always worse to be the one left behind, so to speak. I have missed her a lot in many ways, but I've been so concentrating on getting my new life in order that it's been easier for me not to notice. I am really looking forward to having her come and visit this week (standby gods willing). I have missed her logistical support with the animals and I've also missed just being able to spend time with her. It does make me worry when I read about people's parents getting older b/c I don't know how much longer I'll have her.
My sister moved halfway across the country from Austin to the DC Area. I really have enjoyed having them so close to me (in Dallas), and I'm not sure how this will change our relationship. I hope to see them at least 1-2 times a year, but not nearly the 5-6 times a year I used to see them. Hopefully, this will make me a better communicator with my sister.
Moving back to Portland after 13 years brought me closer to my sister and mother who live here. It's not a major milestone in my family, but the frequent barbecues, laughter and connection sure are nice. In other news, my mother is marrying her boyfriend of 7 years. Love is both a garden and its own water if you maintain a nurturing focus on it.
Nope. SHIT ALS!!!!! But I’ve just seen yesterday evening my niece Anaïs in a special TV show and it made my day!!
My mom's sister, my Auntie, transitioned this year. I had planned for a long time to attend the funeral proceedings when the time came. When it did, however, I did not feel the inspiration to go. There were numerous "reasons", but I simply did not want to go. So, I went with those feelings and stayed home. The benefit of all this is to really get that I am only responsible for my own happiness - not that of anyone else in the family. so I didn't have to justify not going - I simply did not have to go. I did something special for me - like my Auntie wants for me to do! Love you, Auntie!
Telling my children about my husband's affair has been one of the biggest milestones of the year. Encouraged by my therapist, it was one of the most difficult and saddest parts of my life as a parent. Explaining to them why their parents' relationship has been strained, why their father has been such an asshole and my role in relationship was difficult. Helping them through the pain, or trying to get them to open up and talk about it have been difficult. It is a story that is now a part of our family's memory and history. I felt relieved to tell them, embarrassed that I have decided to stay in the marriage. It is hard to explain to young adult children how 35 years of a relationship is not so easily tossed away. But continuing to deal with the anger and sadness as well as the final acknowledgement that the relationship was sexual has been really hard. Somedays I am tired of being the one who carries the emotional burdens of the relationship - the one who has to start the conversations, who listens to the trials and tribulations, who watches as my husband continues to be clueless on how to develop and maintain relationships with his children. I had hoped that through learning about the relationship we could learn to be more emotive and communicative - a process that is still unfolding.
My brother joined the military and I moved across the country. I think it's affected my parents most since this is the first time they haven't had either kid home for the holidays, weekends, evenings, etc. both our experiences have helped us grow but my brothers milestone is much more significant. All of my immediate family has grown and matured with my brothers achievement and we're all going to be together tomorrow for the first time in 4 months! HooAh!!
Meeting my biological mom. It has given me a rollercoaster of emotions, to say the least.
My youngest son finished preschool and started school. It is the first time we don't have a child in preschool since 1997. It is good to witness your children grow. My second son also outgrew me and his older brother. Another similar milestone.
Robert got engaged to Lori and are getting married in October. We now have an extended family and 2 step granddaughters.
The events of my sister's admission into rehab, move to the Bay Area, and relapse 5 months later have reformed connections that I didn't feel would be so easily mended. My mother and I had not spoken in nearly 9 months. It was the longest we had gone without communicating. She hurt me, I hurt her, she hurt me. There was so much emotional distance between us, matching the physical distance that now exists. I had no plans to talk to her anytime soon, though it saddened me. The crisis of my sister's well-being was ironically the perfect storm to bring mom and me back together. We were talking frequently, both trying to sort out the chaos that alcoholism had brought into our lives. Through these conversations, the past became irrelevant. We both felt how much we missed, and how much we needed, each other. The difference and disagreements were minutia compared to the shared love we had for the woman in our life who was hurting and in need. The same thing occurred between my mom and dad. Divorced over twelve years ago from a mostly-unhappy and incompatible marriage, I never even entertained the idea that my parents would be on a three-way call with me to process the gravity of my sister's, their daughter's, relapse. But it happened. More than once. And there was also a group message feed. Even though the two of them carry years- and books-worth of resentment and distaste for the other, I felt the commonality during those times when we all needed each other's souls and ears and communication to get through the rough period of relapse. Our worries and questions and frustrations were so much more real and heard between each other - those who know my sister best. Healing moments, from brokenness.
This year has been oddly free of the usual milestones — weddings, births, etc. — in our immediate family. I feel like I must be forgetting something...
Ayden started kindergarten. Bittersweet
My baby died. Well, she received a 100% fatal diagnosis in utero, the kind of diagnosis that went along with: "....And if you choose not to end this pregnancy, there is a risk that her life will cause you to die." I had to make the "choice" of how and when to end my *very wanted* daughter's life. I chose labor and delivery at 20.5 weeks. I called funeral homes and crematoriums asking about prices and procedures for my daughter, while she was still kicking, happily, inside of me. I had to choose the day to start inducing labor. Friends and family kept us company while in the labor room. You never really know how supportive people can be until you are in a position of true need. At one point, my Step-Dad and a 70 year old male co-worker came to visit, bringing a gift of a mini-bottle of champagne and a conversational debate that kept my mind perfectly off of the pain I was feeling, both physically and emotionally. After birth, we spent six short hours with her. Her Daddy held her while he took a nap. Her big brother, age 7, examined her and cried in a way that surprised even him, baptizing her in his tears. We then left the hospital with arms full of "things", but not our baby. We left with flowers, stuffed animals, and paper imprinted with her impossibly perfect tiny footprints. We sobbed in the crowded elevator. We sobbed along the walkway to the parking garage. We sobbed all the way home. Since then, her father and I have grieved SO differently--he, apparently not at all. Me? I feel like I've cried from every orifice: With milk from my breasts, with tears, with blood from my womb, with more tears, tears that come with every surf session, yoga class, every hike, every run, every single day. I've found an online support group called the Baby Loss Support Group for Agnostic and Atheist Mothers, that has made life bearable for me, and has literally saved the lives of other women who have lost babies and then tried to commit suicide. I feel like I'm going through a time of transition, from wanting to be a Mom again with every cell in my body (something I've "known" would happen since I was a small child), to needing to be OK with "just" having the perfect son that I already have. It's really, really hard. My boyfriend and I have decided to separate. I moved out with my son. Our communication during and after this challenging time has became so poor, like the air between us scrambles the intentions of our words and actions, translating them into messages that were often the opposite of what the sender intended. He doesn't want to go to any kind of counseling. I've felt so alone in the grief process, and so alienated from this person who seemed like he should be the one best partner to make this journey with. How has this all affected me? I'm not really sure. I've gained a sense of connectedness to strangers who either sense that something is going on below my surface, and share their own stories. I've lost a sense of connectedness to some who seemed so close before. I've developed theories about grief and loss, and stretched my heart not just in new ways or directions--but in dimensions that heretofore simply Did. Not. Exist. If compassion is a muscle that can be built up, this experience has been like a shot of some sort of illegal steroid. Like any other traumatic experience that thrusts you into an existential crisis, I wouldn't recommend this type of Compassion-Building Steroid/experience to anyone. But I suppose that if you're ever injected with it, you might as well use this new strength to help others.
This year there is no doubt that purchasing and moving into a home of our own was the crowning achievement. A ten year goal that I have strived for since my divorce and it actually happened. At this time last year it was my main wish but still completely a dream at that point. To open up my answers and see that and see how much I have accomplished since this time last year is amazing. My overarching goal for the past few years has been stability- and the house is a big part of that.
My sister's pregnancy. She's younger than I am and she didn't think she could get pregnant, so it was pleasant surprise because I get to be a real aunty (I have two nephews whom I've never met) and the pressure is off me to have kids.
My FIL passed away. My husband is the last of his family to be alive. His Mother, older brother, and younger brother have all passed. There is still a lot of family and plenty going on but, Toddy, was the patriarch.... now my husband is. His Dad was from a very different and romanticized generation. Their world was smaller and simpler. He was always confused by all the chaos we had with our kids. He was amused by most things. He will be missed.
My dad finally got the financing to come through for his mixed-use building that's been in the works for 8+ years. What a huge relief, for everyone... It was almost beyond belief the day my aunt sent pictures that the old house was being bulldozed down. It's made me very excited and happy for my dad, to see things finally start to come to fruition for him, and hopeful that he'll be able to dig out of the financial hole he has been stuck in. It's made me worried, the amount of stress hasn't really eased up at all, it's been replaced by other stresses. And it's triggered old jealousies, hearing him talk about working with my brother, and plans for future projects, and how they're going to keep working together and I've always been and will continue to be excluded from all of it.
My parents celebrates their 75th anniversary and I keep thinking what life might be like for me if I lived to be 100. It is very scary, as our health, which is so Imoortant May not be what we expect or want, my dad has reached all his milestones, and is almost 100 years old, which is his final milestone, his life has been amazing and I only hope I can be I. As good shape even ten years from now as he is at 98".
I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a good milestone, but this year was the first time Savta got sick in a serious way. Now we're all much more appreciative of her. And I can't imagine life without my Savta...
wow. i separated and hope/plan to get married this spring. Never been married before. Never found/wanted anybody before. He walked up to me in a bar and told me he loved me. I said i love you back and i knew right away that I did. Then over the coming weeks i loved him more and more over the many moments i remember.
I turned 60. I still feel like I am 24..there are days when I look in the mirror and I see an old woman who looks like my maternal grandmother. Then at times I think I see me as I am..older looking but not old. I can't believe so much of my life has gone by. Life has/is been very intense, school and advanced degrees, establishing a professional presence, buying a home, moving, becoming a mom, and all went so fast...and now here I am, living alone, having had to sever my relationship with my child..and aware of much slower life has become..and if this is slow, then oh my g-d the pace it was before. And that pace had me just getting thru the days and events..the pressure was intense..and I can remember and feel so many moments..and I am aware of how much was packed into my life..and how at times I was unable to appreciate the sense of being alive, even tho I was present and actively participating in my life. Now I can appreciate the meaning and purpose and hope of Shabbat and focusing on my life and ow I am living it.....but how difficult it is to know this when you are living life..I have gone thru boxes of stored items..the memories flooded thru me..as If it was then. Amazing. Life is very precious..at times long and at others short. I miss the before and am grateful to be in the now. I am entering a time of my life where being relevant and continuing to support myself is at times scary and then seems possible.So very different than when I was in my 30's and 40's.
A family wedding this summer brought us all together in celebration. It was also my mother's birthday, our first without her. We came together in love to celebrate and to remember. And we succeeded together to make something meaningful and special for all of us. It moved and affected me greatly. I never had the faith but now I get to witness how Love dissolves all unlike it in its power and presence. I get to be a part of this huge new beginning for my family and it is changing me profoundly.
My mother's illness and protracted stay in the hospital (July - September) has been huge for me. So much as happened - I reconnect with sisters I had not talked to since before Christmas. I found ways to connect with Mom on a deeper level as she went through a near-death experience - spiritual and emotional connections despite her failing mental capacities. I am still working through my stance with the unknowable - not knowing what her test tomorrow will yield and all of the implications for her quality of remaining life, what will be called for from her, from me and my sisters. How to adhere to what I most value with her while there is life and breath in us both. Awe-ful life transition.
My sister got engaged. I've never seen her so happy and relaxed. Her partner is the first guy she's ever been with that I liked. He treats her really well and cares for her. I am so happy for her. It makes me very happy to know that she has someone who loves and cares about her and that she has someone to love and care about. It makes me wonder if it is possible for me.
There really are none that I can think of. Family is really Steve and I. Unless I include Andrew and he is now engaged and has purchased a home with his sweetie. He seems happy and content and that's all I ever wished for him.
I finished Look, Lean, Roll and did so in a way that was very satisfying. If the book does well in the market or not can't take that away from me. I've learned that the most important achievements are found inside me, not in searching outside me.
My cat, who was 17, died at home with me last year...and this year, my father lost his best friend unexpectedly to heart attack. My father and I rode out both of these storms on the floor of my crappy second-floor apartment, locked together in grief forever. Even in the depths of my despair, I feel incredibly lucky to have found this connection point for us, and a tiny bit of solace in our shared vulnerability and love. In my early teens, my father and I were estranged. It means a lot to be able to rebuild what was lost together, and to grieve what's gone.
That I became carer of my elderly parents. I am not their child anymore but the one who makes decisions to keep them safe and well. I needed to realize this change in our relationship as well as the insight that I am not responsible for their happiness. And not to be blamed for the lack of it either.
There haven't been any major milestones in my immediate biological family. However, my great aunt has moved into a nursing home, after I just saw her over the holidays last year. However, in my Minneapolis family, Matt B is moving to Rochester, which will be a big change. We keep in touch through the week, and usually get together once or twice to do something. That won't happen as often when he moves. It also means that he is staying at my place for a few days until his apartment is ready. That could be a challenge. Chris P and Karl O both started businesses this year which appear to be successful. I'm happy for both of them. Charlie just got 90 day custody of his son while the mom is in jail for failing a drug test. I don't ever know what to feel about that one, other than feeling bad for the kid.
Nothing really significant to report!
Husband "retired". This has resulted in a change in his schedule, his outlook (somewhat), his income, and other aspects of him that affect both of us, and me as well. I am trying to focus on how I deal with the things that affect me, not as his problems (or issues, or whatever), but as my own things to work on. I realize that I organize my time around him more than might be good for me. I relied on being off at work for some things, and now, working from home, I need to relax and let my boundaries blur.
my elderly mother, having her second extended stay at a nursing home due to a fall, taught us all a lot about the current medical/insurance system and how much it cannot provide. we were lucky enough to be able to cobble together a support system for her that included meals-on-wheels and a visiting caregiver to enable her to stay in her own home (at least until the next crisis). i also found a visiting nurse through her town's senior center who can check in on her monthly and perform many important (but not ambulance-worthy) treatments in between regular doctor's visits. this has galvanized our resolve to have a plan in place, a local reliable support system for when my husband and i need looking after in our old age.
A marriage in the family is coming apart. Fault lies heavily on one side. I can do nothing about it. The other person is very say, and the children are hurting, because the person giving hurt is quite happy to share the anger and the misbehavior., And I can do nothing but give love and hugs
Closest thing to a major milestone is my kid dropping out of college because she failed to raise her properly. In the course of that ongoing disaster, I realized my wife is somewhat insane. And all this is just part of a realization that I have no life worth shit.
My nephew moved back to where I live with his son who turns 2 in a couple of months. My life is infinitely richer! I love my relationship with my nephew and now with my grand nephew! I am also grateful for an improving relationship with Andrea.
Well, I had my 50th Birthday this year. I don't think it really has affected me, I really do not feel any different. I am looking forward to what life has for me and not back.
This past year has been pretty quiet for my family, even my chosen family, which is nice. We all had birthdays, of course, and my middle child reached double digits, but mostly, I think, we settled into our lives without, for once, significant changes in the air, so to speak. Sometimes you need a year to recuperate, to reflect and consider what is next and where you're all going, and that's what this past year afforded us.
Both girls are in college. They have their own lives. This has affected me in that I have to also need a life outside of theirs and Buddy's, as well as Buddy and me. Also, still include them when they can.
My parents celebrated their 50th anniversary. But I sometimes wonder if they are happier together than they would be apart.
I got engaged. I didn't think after the catastrophe of my previous, 12-year relationship, that single, with a half-grown child, and being 40, I would end up finding any kind of real love or "perfect guy" but life always has surprises. I'm happy every day and our home is full of life and promise.
I have decided to retire in August 2016. Although that is almost a year away, I have noticed a difference in my relationships with colleagues -- invisibility is creeping in. In my family, there is a lot more talk about staying here or going elsewhere and what will I do. Some of the questions seem to reflect a little fear. Others reflect an excitement for the future.
my sister's long term (15 years) relationship ended. Her partner was like a brother to me, but we haven't spoken since the breakup. He even unfriended me on FB. Just seems so strange that someone who you thought of as family can so suddenly drop out of your life forever.
My folks moved out of their apartment and into a 55-and-over apartment complex. I loved their old place and will miss it, but I think this move is for the best.
My middle son finally moved out… I worry about him because he never finished college and is now working in a grocery store, doesn't have a girlfriend, doesn't seem to have any goals... I hope he is happy.
A major milestone...My eldest child has started High School and my younger child started Middle School. I had spent a lot of time thinking about how sad it will be when I no longer have a child in the elementary school. Now that they have moved on I find I am happy. I am happy because they seem happy. They like being in new schools with new teachers & new activities/clubs to join. My younger child has sensory integration disorder & Asperger syndrome & he was feeling very anxious over the summer I alerted the school, we communicated and came up with a plan to make the transition successful and it paid off. We are ready for Middle & High School and I feel good about it.
The biggest milestone this past year was Beckett turning 2 years old and then Cameron being born on March 10th. I now have 2 gorgeous, sweet, smiley, funny nephews that I love more then life itself. I treasure every conversation I have with them, every picture and video I get sent, every moment I am physically with them! Being an aunt is amazing!
My relative Mark passed away a month or so ago. He was a weird man who died early and alone. His claim to fame in my family was that once at Passover he had a seizure, and we stopped the Seder so he could receive medical attention. Mark tried to talk to people but was socially awkward. I don't think he had many friends, and his more immediate family lived in Texas (a fact I was unaware of until his death). His death makes me wonder if there are other people I've neglected around me. You never know how long people will be around so it's important to appreciate those around us.
The only milestone that comes to mind is that Mark moved to the Long Beach Peninsula, having lost his condo on Naples, and discovered a creative new life with a vibrant community and the charming life of a beach bum. It was a real step back into himself, a place that Cindy would not have wanted to live in. Step by step he moves away from his life with Cindy, although her photos are still displayed prominently throughout the new place. My current belief is that she will remain until a new woman comes around, should that ever happen.
it is sad, but my niece getting married affects me very little. I am happy for my mother the niece chose to get her PhD near her Nenne. otherwise, it is a milestone I treated my bipolar correctly, making me very much more happy and balanced, but affecting others in my family very little. Family is a difficult word for me, in that it has little to do with what it ought to. I was so very excited and happy to talk with my 31 yr old brother for the first time, and see his photo- yet, there is no response since I sent him photos and wrote him. Continued vacuum.
My mother was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. She will be fine. I try to call her more often now.
As I came into my own person this year, it got harder to relate to my parents. It has been hard. But I have to be myself as this is more authentic.
I don't have a good answer for this. I guess I'd say that my brother getting re-married impacted me because it is such a non-event-- he only told me about it in an e-mail, and I'm not invited to the ceremony. It's disappointing because I thought he was moving toward an acknowledgment that the estrangement between us was ridiculous and based largely on his imagined interpretation of events. This kind of felt like it would be a chance to meaningfully engage, and I don't know when we might have that opportunity again.
My youngest son left primary school..that's the end of an era. My oldest son managed the transition from school to college better than I thought, though he did find it tough. My daughter dyed her hair for the first time...age 14. I was diagnosed with bowel cancer, had surgery and got the all clear.
Taking a trip with our family to Israel to be at the Kotel and participate in Ivan's tefillim service was very moving. We were all in different journeys in our path through life yet we all came together to celebrate this huge milestone. Moving back into our home after Charles liss was yet another testament of humankind resilience and I'm so proud of my boys and I for embracing the fears and learning to push past it so we can thrive in our home.
Mom's hand is withering away. And she just got surgery to help alleviate the pain. It hasn't changed much -- we still interact pretty much in the same ways. But I've noticed myself becoming much more protective of her. Volunteering to help more often. And I think about death a lot more.
My kids both moved back to the neighborhood they grew up in when they were young. It's so great having them near my husband and me and near each other.
Connecting with my uncle and the utter dread in my stomach telling him I love him, when I still cannot forgive him. The words were feigned just for the sake of my family, but I thought forgiving him was for the best for all - but oh did my gut disagree.
My sister finished her cancer treatments. It was a wonderful moment for her to make it across this uphill milestone. To celebrate my family took a trip to Europe. Unfortunately my wife and I didn't go though. We've had a string of unsuccessful vacations and the thought of being unhappy for 2 weeks didn't appeal to either of us. In fact, just thinking of going on the trip was causing a lot of stress in my life. I feel absolutely terrible for not being able to celebrate this milestone with her, I hope she understands. Other than that, this milestone has been great for my family.
My oldest son graduated from high school and went to college. It's huge, and I am not entirely sure how I feel about it. On on e hand I miss him terribly, but on the other, now he gets to set his own schedule and we get to set ours, instead of clashing over who wants to be active and outgoing when. He hates traveling and the rest of the family likes it, so there's a certain level of freedom which is odd and feels like it should be denied somehow. Mostly I love him and love that we talk more now via text than we did when he was just upstairs in his room.
My son flunked out of college. He talks about going back, but is struggling with some mental health issues. It's best he wait a bit before going back - if he goes at all. It's affected me in numerous ways, the greatest being that he's my son and I want to fix this for him, but I can't. HE has to fix it. It's so hard / painful to watch him go through this and know that it's his to make (or break). I'm grateful he's self-aware and getting professional help. I can only hope that it "sticks".
My own family started... simultaneously excited and terrified of meeting my new son or daughter in November this year
My sister gave birth to Bonnie on May 21st. It was both one of the most wonderful and most painful moments of my life. Arriving to find my sister in labour was terrifying. I felt helpless and yet determined to be helpful as I tried to calm her partner, direct my mother and be generally supportive. I waited nervously in the waiting hall and was overjoyed to find Bonnie in my sister's arms in the bath two hours later. I will never forget watching them cut the cord, holding Bonnie for the first time or holding my sister's hand as she was stitched up. I have never felt closer to her. It was life-changing. However, the experience has been somewhat ruined by my sister later stating that she hadn't wanted me to be there and accusing me of being "intrusive" since Bonnie's birth. For me, this wonderful moment marked a shift in how I relate to my family. I've stopped letting them in. I distance myself from them emotionally. I have essentially walked away.
Coco got divorced and moved in with James. No one minded that they had come to the wedding. It was a good wedding. I wish she was learning some kind of independence.
M's conversion was a big milestone for him, as well as for our family. It made me so happy that it was something that he decided would be meaningful to him, and to watch him take the time to meet with the rabbi and study in preparation. Leading up to his conversion I know he spent a lot of time reflecting on what he was about to do. Since then, he's had his first (albeit group) aliyah, learned how to put on a tallis, and has learned many of the Friday evening prayers. Together we've made an effort to celebrate Shabbat every week, whether with friends or at home. Doing this as a couple has made me feel more committed to making Judaism a part of my every day life. Now that we're going to have a baby, I find myself thinking constantly of ways in which I am excited for M and I to teach our son about Judaism and hopefully encourage him to find meaning and beauty in it on his own as he grows.
I feel like the first question addressed this too. As I think about it now, I realize I'm much more grateful for Dad's presence, for as long as we have it, and more cognizant of how vulnerable Mom is around his cancer. I don't think I've ever used that word in relation to her; she's always seemed like a rock. Seeing her panicky and unable to even think was sobering. I'm glad to see her rebounded, and it feels as though it's more in response to the positive circumstances than due to the resilience I'd always assumed was there.
Cut ties to extended family due to misunderstanding and lack of desire to acknowledge their role in misunderstanding. Has increased my feeling of aloneness at times. Has made little impact at other times due to long standing emotional distance.
Moving neighborhoods has definitely changed me. We are no longer located near restaurants I love and no longer walking distances to dog parks and friend's houses. It's isolating and the long commute home after an evening out is draining.
A major milestone that happened with my family this past year is that Vernetta and I got engaged! This has affected me by opening up a world of happiness and possibility that I didn't even know was possible. It has also allowed me to keep learning more about myself and helped me find the places I want to improve so that I can bring all of my best self to this relationship that I treasure more than anything in the world. It has also affected me by bring me security and confidence.
My older sister lost her job suddenly and had a lot of home repair expenses. This has affected me because it has made me realize how fast things can dramatically change from one day to the next, how important it is to have money saved for emergencies and how important it is to have family by your side to listen to you and support you.
I turned 40 this year...at this stage of my life I am feeling bolder and stronger than ever. I find myself more willing to take risks and less concerned about failurre--not because I am less likely to fail, but because I embrace it as a part of life and learning. Consequently, I am able to parent my girls in a way that empowers them to be more confident and less afraid than I was at their ages. They are bold and strong individuals, learning for themselves that failurre is a valuable lesson. In small ways, this will change their lives completely, and they won't have to wait until they are 40 to be brave enough to pursue the life God intends for them.
Like my first answer, the thing that comes to mind is my ex-husband's death. I still consider him family. After all, we were married for 20 years. I think that after the initial shock and the ongoing grief, his death has made me acutely aware of the fragility of life and the importance of telling people and showing people how you feel about them while you have the chance. I know, duh, but unless you're thinking about it, you forget this simple truth.
I don't know if we've really had major milestones this year. We've had lots of touchpoints -- starting middle school for one kid, starting high school for the other, a new job, serving on the synagogue board -- but nothing that feels major. We're making progress; we're getting better, slowly, incrementally, sometimes regressing.
My cousin overdosed at the end of July and it rocked my family. We'd never dealt with grief before I learned that we (myself very much included and at the forefront of this) are ill-prepared to deal with it. I had weak (at best) relationships with my cousins and aunt/uncle - it's just not worth it to waste all of this time without actually getting to know people. It totally has changed my perspective on my family. You don't have to like everyone (in my case, I'm lucky because I do) but you do have to love them with all of your heart. I'm going to be better about reaching out just to check in, not only on holidays and birthdays.
My grandmother Helen passed away and that was certainly a big milestone. I remember being extremely ill when coming home for the funeral. It was kind of a crazy experience. I was on the way to the LimmudNY Office to pack things up for the conference the coming weekend. I got a message on the phone from my dad saying that Grandma Helen died. I remember that the second movement of the Barber Violin Concerto was playing on my iPhone right before I listened to the message. I had a crazy time getting the supplies from the storage unit that morning--the keys weren't working and then a lock got jammed. I ended up not having time to go back home to get clothes before heading home on the bus to Rhode Island. We had to go shopping in order for me to have clothes at the funeral and it was kind of a shit show. My mom picked out a shirt and she lost her favorite hat at the mall--her Team USA 2002 Winter Olympics hat. Maybe going shopping was a good distraction, but probably not. I was also so sick (my throat was super swollen--no strep, but they gave me a steroid to stop the swelling) that I missed the family meeting with the rabbi to share memories to help with a eulogy. I felt bad about that. What felt better though was choosing to stay in Rhode Island throughout the week of shiva rather than going back to New York right away. I think that made my mom and dad feel much better and i think it made me feel better too.
My daughter broke up with her partner of 5 1/2 years - I thought they were great together & that he definitely enriched her life. After 3 months - they are negotiating a new relationship - she is happy & I am happy for her. I really worried about her - she was far away and there wasn't another aware of how she was & what she needed on a daily basis.
I estranged myself from my parents and my sister. I still talk to my grandmother. Best decision I have ever made for myself. I no longer have to walk on eggshells or believe lie after lie.
My mom was declared "cured" of her cancer (as opposed to just in remission). I feel relief.
Two come to mind. My older AND younger sister both got engaged and will be married within the next 7 months. It's........ exciting. I feel happy for them and am open to love in the coming year. I think that's one thing I've learned, I need to be open to letting people in. By giving myself to others. My grandfather is ill. Which saddens me, but I see the value in staying close to family and giving them the time and empathy they need. I love and must be devoted to my family forever because they are here for me forever.
The most significant event in the past year has been starting my own travel business.
There have been SOO many. Mom's advancing Alzheimers, Mark and I moving to the US - and then especially to Colorado Springs, Joe M dying, Bob dying, Brinleigh being born.... But i think Dad's TIA was the most jarring and the biggest wake-up call. Both for the obvious emotional reasons, but also to show us children how ignorant we were about his / their wishes, provisions, POAs, living wills, etc., etc.... It prompted a big reaction and therefore proaction to get in front of it all and get everyone on the same page. Mercifully it was not serious, and our lesson wasn't forced under duress. But it also inspired me to look at my own estate, insurance situation, provisions, etc. Kind of my first practical lesson on mortality and the business of dying.
This past January, my great uncle Cam died. Initially, it made me very sad and scared, as my parents were out of state that day, and I was the one who answered the phone call from my grandmother to tell us that her younger brother had died. This broke apart a belief I had always held in my mind; I had fairy-tale grandparents: they were never sick, still had all their hair, were very energetic, and most of all, whenever I would see them, they were always happy. Now I had my crying grandmother on the phone about to make me cry as emotions I hadn't experienced before entered my mind. I was relieved to at least hear her say that she was satisfied with her last visit with him, and did not feel any regret. After we hung up, I thought a little more about my grandparents and Uncle Cam, but was able to put this out of my mind. I recalled always getting a birthday card from Uncle Cam and seeing him at family events, but did not recall any conversations I had had with him beyond saying hello and goodbye. I was sad because I knew it was a time to be sad, but I didn't feel that I had lost anybody that I was close to. My family has a tradition: we have closed-casket memorial services rather than funerals. Uncle Cam's was January 19th, Martin Luther King Day, and my immediate family drove up to the parish with my grandmother. I am always surprised by people's demeanors at funerals and memorials that I go to. I always think that they are more happy than they should be; although, I have never lost someone truly close to me, and do not know the effect that it has. At the beginning of the event, everyone met downstairs to eat and talk relatively casually, and this is the attitude that I saw. Later on, we moved upstairs to have a prayer service that the priest, who had become close with my great uncle in recent months, had arranged. Other members of my family did readings, and we sang some hymns, but the most amazing parts of this were the stories people would get up to tell about their relationship with my great uncle. I felt entranced by all of the memories people shared, and I saw in them something I find hard to see in myself: a warm, magnanimous, cheery love for everyone he cares for. Uncle Cam was a sanguine man, and shared his energy with everyone around him. At one point, the priest running the service opened the floor to anyone who wanted to share a few words about my great uncle. The people who got up showed me how this affects people. One of the people who stood up introduced himself as the former assistant golf pro at the course Uncle Cam used to play at in Florida. His hospice nurse spoke too, and talked about how proud she was to work for him, and how lucky she felt to be introduced to someone like him. I felt glad and inspired by these speeches; glad to know that the love that these people spoke about is something that exists in the world, and inspired to find in others and in myself what it is that makes people love us so much and care so much about all we give to them.
My mom turned 75. We're not close, though we live VERY close. The best I could do was to email her, which is a step up from how she celebrates my birthdays - with a text when she remembers. I'm the kind of person who would have made a big deal about a milestone birthday, but I needed to take care of myself so that I could be free of resentment.
Brooke graduated. Jason turned fifty. Ken turned eighty. Each event should have been a joyous celebration but wasn't. It bothers me that this family is so difficult. It makes me not even want to try. That's so sad.
Evan graduated from graduate school. The event celebration weekend was dampened when my brother became jealous of family wanting to talk about my job. I left without saying goodbye to my brother. He never apologized for his actions . That sucked...
I graduated, my sister turned 21, and my mother went back to college. Not as much as you'd think.
No more little kids: Bobby got his license and turned 17! No longer the brother that is too young and home with me. He is now part of the "crew" going out with his sister and brothers to concerts, parties, hanging with the "older" kids at the family vacations, etc. He is my youngest and they are all growing up fast! My life has revolved around my children for over 26 years. I feel apprehensive about what comes next, not for my children but for me.
After years of brokenness in my relationship with my dad, we talked. we talked about my mother and his ex-wife. we talked about my broken childhood and his broken marriage. The hurt and the wishing.. we talked about blame, fault, and responsibility. We reconnected. My dad has a new girlfriend. I'm going to meet her on Sunday. I have the hope that my dad will be my dad again, and maybe, I'll finally have a family where I belong.
I turned 60. Finally stood up to my mother! that has been a weight off my shoulders. Hope that my daughters don't have to pick up too much of it.
My partner has stopped drinking. A big deal - yet everything changes and nothing changes. In May, he chose to not drink. Along with this decision was to quit his job, as it made it easier to drink. I am, of course, thrilled that he chooses not to drink, as it brings a stability to our lives we did not have before and that change it so different. I almost feel like we are no longer on a roller coaster. I no longer wonder if he will come home drunk and the impact that has on our lives for the next week. At the same time, he hasn't changed. He can still be unpredictable, desiring to control me (unsuccessfully) and he has yet to go back to work, which can be as big a source of frustration as drinking. Why do I stay? Yes, I love him. And we envision a future together. I also know that because of him, I can do my job - traveling for days, sometimes weeks - I don't worry about the house, our home, the animals, our family. And of course, the massages -is that not reason enough to stay? I cannot say what our lives will look like in a year. Perhaps I will choose to leave, it is sometimes easier to stay than to leave. I don't know. But for today - I am grateful he no longer drinks.
We have a new family member, a baby boy. I love this baby wildly, when I look at his face it it magical. I can't stop looking at him, what joy he has brought the family. I do have another grandchild and love her very much too, but this one is different. A lesson for us all, we are all different with variety of looks, talents and dispositions. Definitely the highlight of my year!!!
The wedding overseas was pretty significant especially as it brought so many family members together. I was so struck by the politics, the competitiveness, and the baggage that was simmering underneath the surface, making our time together so toxic. It just felt like such a shame and such a waste yet so insurmountable at the same time. I struggled not to get dragged into it and at times I did want to be the person who exposed all the hypocrisy, lies, and judgements although I think that would have done more harm than good. This has affected me in terms of the way in which I want to model behavior to a family that I have one day.
Steve recently sold his business and has gone into semi-retirement. Though I think it was the right thing to do since the business wasn't making money, I've got to admit my attitude about my work has changed. I now wish more than ever that I could leave my job, and I feel more than ever than I now have responsibility to stay at my job as I am now responsible for supporting both me and Steve. I feel a lot of pressure from this.
My parents are farmers! I'm so happy for my Mom and Dad that they've found renewed energy for the outdoors and for animals. I have so much respect for their ability to re-invent themselves and remain passionate about each other and life in general. It really is an inspiration to me. My Dad even has a horse that he trains with regularly. I have friends who's parents seem resigned to spend the rest of their days with very little change and nothing to occupy the void of being a parent. For me, the best thing they can do as parents is to be alive and enjoy life. I think this is a turning point for them and I hope they can continue to enjoy the adventure.
The way the family is managing complicated needs of mother-daughter dysfunction is a major milestone . We are learning a lot and have found some good people to help guide us realizing that we didn't have the tools to do it on our own. When emotions are heightened we forget that they color a situations, drive actions and sometimes cause us to do and say things that we can't take back. They become the lens for shaping reality. This learning opportunity teaches us that we can change that lens by changing our beliefs about our emotions .
Two health-related milestones. My step-father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and had to be separated from my mom and moved into a more intensive care facility. My mom is now living alone, as is he. We're a blended family. I visit my mom. My step-brother visits his dad. When I visit his dad, the dad gets very angry with me, and I've decided I will reduce my frequency of visiting. Mom is also beginning to lose some of her memory capacity. She isn't sure when I visit and when I don't. I'm rethinking all of my notions of what it means to be a caring Son. Also, my brother had quadruple bypass surgery. I haven't seen him in three years (his silence, his choice). When I visited at the hospital (at his request), he shared with me, and when I was leaving, he hugged me. He's my "baby" brother (now 63). You could have knocked me over with a feather. It was a WOW moment.
It's about to happen, really: My brother is getting married in a week and a half. I was expecting to feel a little weird about this--I haven't always *loved* my sister-in-law-to-be. But I've been pleasantly surprised at how I've actually responded to the totally unsurprising situation. Instead of feeling worried that my brother might be making a mistake, or annoyed that I might be gaining a family member I wouldn't have picked out, myself, I've just been delighted. And excited. My overwhelming reaction is love and enthusiasm, and that makes me feel like I can expect the best of myself in other situations.
My son started high school. We are guardedly hopeful that he does better and is happier. He had a hideous run of it in middle school academically, despite his really remarkable successes as a musician in the school band and jazz combo. He seems to like HS better, but he's s complex, twisty kind of kid; it's hard to know exactly how he's doing, until he has s major success or a major failure. I love him so much, and hope he finds s good path in the next few years that make him happy. His Mom and I need to back off and let him have his experiences on his own.
I'm not sure if there was a major milestone family-wise this year. I was still processing the loss of my dad from the July of the year before. Family-wise I feel like I have splintered from the rest of my siblings which leaves me sad. I wish there was an easy fix but I don't know how to approach it, nor do I know if it solvable :(
My oldest son graduated from college and started a "real" job. I can't believe he is a real "adult" now. I am very proud of how successful he has become. I am a bit more sad than when he left for college, as he is both farther away physically and also further along his journey at being and independent adult who will no longer consider his childhood home his "home" and who will be continuing on with his life - we will be seeing him less and less often, and that makes me sad.
My sister is now dating a girl and they are very serious about each other. I'm not sure how happy my parents are about it, and that honestly kind of bothers me. I am very happy for my sister. All I want is for her to find happiness and I don't care if it's with a man or another woman. I really hope that my parents can come to terms with it and accept Jess into our family, if that is what my sister wants.
My niece, 1 years old and unattached, opted for invitro and gave birth to my grandnephew. With full support of his aunts, uncles, nephews, grandparents, and of course me, she is a fine mother to a lovely boy. at her age, it would have been impossible. Or at least most difficult. i watch her with pride -- and pleasure that the feminism of my generation has helped to make this possible.
Christmas vaca in Mexico. Fun! to be with everyone. The awakening that I want to be with them. The pang that they don't share the same zeal. But I still want it. The work is mine to do. The results are out of my control. The 4th of July cemented that desire even if it wasn't that fun. I want to spend more time with my family.
My daughter got married. It means she moved out which means I am by myself and she is going to have kids so I am going to be grandfather... lots of changes... about which I am ambivalent. It is clear that they roles of kids are changing with me. They try to take care of me.. it is very interesting
Divorce. Man, why does every answer I give have to do with divorce? (I guess that's just the way things go.) Even though the reasons for the divorce are all good, it has shattered me, to be honest. The knowledge that I have caused this much pain to someone I love-- someone who is/was my family--it's incomprehensible. I look forward to the day when it doesn't hurt.
My mom's 90th birthday. It made me realize that I need to celebrate the moment with her as much as possible. Not just the milestones, all the moments.
My sister moved out of the house of our family. Straight to China. This left our parents alone, with the exceptions when I come every third weekend and when my sister comes home every third month. Initially they looked really sad and alone, but after eight months I think they accepted the situation as part of life. Of course they are still sad that they rarely see us, but I think they've got plenty to do now, for example they meet their friends more often. Oh, the question was its effect on me? I talk more with my sister, and have more meaningful conversations. Seriously, in the last 6 months we talked more than in the 6 years before. Our relationship is much stronger since January, which is great!
Our children's charter school closed in June at the end of the school year and they have begun studies through the local virtual school. It has been a huge adjustment not only for them but for us as parents as well. They have taken to the format pretty well so far but we are still struggling in finding social/extracurricular outlets for them now that they are at home the majority of their time. I don't want them to feel isolated or become so introverted that they have trouble socializing in the future.
Both of my parents started a new job which has made our family dynamic different in a positive way.
My last grandmother died this year. This time last year, I had just returned from seeing her for the last time, and we all knew it. She had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and none of us believed she would last till Christmas. She passed away just before Thanksgiving. She was the matriarch of our family and the glue that kept us all gathering together as often as possible. On a personal level, she was the most compelling reason I had for moving back home, because I knew my time with her was more limited than anyone else. I went home for the memorial, which was extremely emotional, and everyone came out for it--Pinky had lots of fans. And we all helped bury her. It was the most organic group effort our family may have ever had. All of our differences disappeared in our mutual love and respect for our beloved matriarch. After the memorial, I went to her house to help organize all of her papers. I was there alone, and I kept smelling this sweet and floral fragrance around me the more I worked. I've smelled it a couple of times since, and I feel it is her spirit surrounding me. I loved her so much, as we all did, and we all feel the loss of her in our lives. Hopefully we are all taking on some of her sweetness and devotion, so that her mark on the world will not be lost. She was a true inspiration. I've moved through a lot of my grief, and now I feel even more committed to my husband and my life with him here. I miss my parents a lot, and I worry about their health and missing out on time with them now, as they have taken center stage in my concern, where Pinky used to be. I think a lot more about their deaths now, and it frightens and saddens me to a point that I almost can't handle. So I try to really appreciate the time I have with them, and make every minute count. That said, I must remain in a different time zone than them, so I'm also trying to be grateful for the life I have with my husband, and feel happiness for my life here.
As with last year, the most important milestone this year is my parents' continuing decline -- including their move into assisted living. I am trying to resist letting this feel like too much drama, since I am so conscious that many other people are doing through the same experience, more or less. So in a way, this helps me feel more connected to others, though it also makes me sad, especially at moments when I want to share something with my parents and realize that they wont' really be able to understand it anymore.
my brother who has been going through a divorce and has had a very hard time, has been coming to our home for shabbat on a regular basis and this has strengthened our relationship and also with the rest of our family members. I feel I can talk to him in a more sincere way.
me, my brother, and my dad all got new jobs--my dad and i got ours within the same week (both hired and started). i feel like a goddamn adult. my dad got a new job for the first time in my entire life (26 years). my brother feels smart and worthy and wanted. and then my mom... my mom, i assume, is proud. but i also think she is sad and feels left out. she is not a fan of being triangulated out of familial goings-on but... i think she sets that aside in order to glow for her successful children and reinvigorated husband. but i don't know. i guess i haven't asked? i probably should.
My grandmother died. Honestly, it hasn't directly affected me too much. I think it's indirectly affected me in the sense that it has heavily impacted my father, leading him to re-evaluate his life, which resulted in him apologizing to me about what a shitty father he was to me when I was a kid. I very much appreciated the apology, but it's left me with more questions than answers.
I've already covered this in my answer to question 1, I think: my father died. It has affected me emotionally, but it also means that we have a tiny bit of money. I don't know what we will do with it. The idea is to refurbish the kitchen but I don't think we have enough. Otherwise, I can't really think of anything.
I'd say that positive pregnancy test was a pretty major milestone for my husband and I. After 8 years together we were finally ready to add to our family. It's affected me both physically and mentally and I can only imagine the changes to come.
My son turned 10. Suddenly, when asked what he wanted to donate to the garage sale, he cleared out ALL OF HIS TOYS, except for LEGO and lincoln logs. He still places with plastic guys and the lincoln logs. His childhood was sold over the weekend for a quarter here and a dime there. So this is what preadolescence looks like. We can see a bit of the man that is to come in his boyish face. His shoe size is now the largest in the household. He's only in the fourth grade, but his sense of humor, his wit, is right up there to match against that of any adult I know. His brother is 28. He was our surprise child. I set a goal to make sure to be there as he grew up, to get him as far into adulthood as I could before I left this world, but now that it seems he is doing his part to reach adulthood, I'm not sure I want to let go of his childhood. I need him to grow up, but I just don't want him to. My husband had total hip replacement this year, and our son, our 10 year old son, stepped up to the plate helping with chores. He has never complained. He waits in line with the grocery cart, while I sit on a nearby bench and swoop up to pay when it is our turn. He shouldn't have to grow up so fast, but he will. I'm glad that he can still be a silly little boy with his mama, and a silly fourth grader with his fourth grade friends. He hangs with a 7th grader and holds his own in discussions with this older boy--is clearly respected for his ideas--and this 7th grader is also in an advanced school program. He is so close with his gramma, and she is dying and he knows it, and yet he is still here cheerful earful and also a great help to her. A child and an adult in one body. How far will he go, and will I be there to see him reach his pinnacle? I don't know. But I'd like to live to find out.
My dad got a new job. For a while, we were not in good shape financially. It was really hard. During a time that most of my friends wanted to go out and spend money, I couldn't. My dad was depressed and didn't get out of bed. It really put a strain on my parents marriage too. I honestly was waiting for them to tell me that they were getting a divorce. They didn't though. He got a job. He's not in same field he was in but it pays him. He sells cars now. It's not his dream job and he works really long hours but we feel better now that he has a job.
My major milestone of the past year was my ability to focus on my company and start to rebuild after losing my husband to cancer July 23, 2014.
We moved. I'd say it was hard, it simplifies things, and gave me and my kids a new beginning.
I read The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. I threw away most of my music, cleaned out my files, sold my iPod nano, Kindle, and iPhone 5 on eBay, scanned my photos & recipes and threw away albums and cookbooks. Then I bought an iPhone 6 plus; Julie gave me an iPad Mini. My important recipes & photos are now in the cloud rather than on paper. Recipes are out of sight, out of mind. I'm trying to figure out a way to keep an index of recipes to bring them quickly to mind. The larger phone and iPad have changed how I look at email, using them rather than the computer. Steve used the iPad to read books when we were in London, Iceland & Norway.
My sister had her 4th baby. It hasn't affected me at all. I wasn't able to attend the christening because I was on holiday in France. I feel a bit weird about it, to be honest. I'm not interested and it makes me feel a bit guilty. I haven't even met the father. I feel estranged.
Our son got married in September and now he and his wife are expecting a little girl- our first grandchild next month. We are excited!
Adam celebrated their 1st anniversary and the more we get to know Elyse the more we love her. And the more she reminds me of Sandi, clean and on time all the time. Better yet, Jason looks like he's a permanent part of the family. How grateful are we. It's hard to focus on the holidays with the constant care we're giving Jared. One of us has to stay up all night with him. Usually me. The pain medication is causing constipation worse than normal. It's hard to see him suffer with the arm and the stomach. I find praying a hard thing to do this year.
My grandma is not longer capable to take care of herself, and stopped getting out of bed/walking earlier this year. My father moved in after she was released from the hospital for hospice care, and is currently living there with her now. Her declining health has resulted in me visiting her more than I used to, although the visits are shorter due to being dismissed. I know my grandma's everlasting love for me. Now it is less smothering and more honest. It's sad to see her go through this, especially when she is mentally in another place. But this is a part of the cycle of life.
I haven't seen my family in a long time. And this affects me, of course. I don't think there was a milestone, as it was a long stretch of waiting for my business to take off. And if there was anything like a milestone, it was the moment when I got paid some advance money and basically haven't had to go to them and ask to help me out.
Moving to North Carolina, I'd say has affected me and my family inasmuch as this move feels more permanent than other moves have in the past. For the first time, I feel like I am setting down roots here as a potential home, where other places - Cincinnati included - felt temporary, whether I wanted them to or not
A major milestone that has affected my family this year was the passing of my dad's dad, my Zada. We were never close, and I never really understood him until I heard people talking about him after his death. He was extremely strong, both physically and emotionally, and very generous. It really shook my dad, who I had never seen cry before, and his siblings. However, as a result of this difficult time, I am now a lot closer with my cousins, who I rarely spend time with. Now that we are older and have more in common, being with them doesn't feel like a chore. I hope that as I grow older, we will talk to each other more than we have in the past few years and start understanding each others' cultures more.
We had several milestones this year. One was the one year anniversary of Mark's death. One was 5 years post divorce. The biggest was probably that the young adult formerly known as Daisy came out as transgender and is now going by Felix. I guess that is not a milestone in the traditional sense, but I do feel like it is part of a growing maturity on his part to come to grips with his identity. I doubt that I will mark that day as any kind of anniversary, although he might. For me, accepting this giant change meant really examining myself and my identity in new ways, ways that perhaps I would have been reluctant to do if I hadn't been forced into it.
I hate to make my answers to all these answers the same, but coming out has been such an overwhelming, emotional and transformational experience; it is near impossible NOT to use that as my 2015 milestone.
My relationship with my son has grown deeper than ever. It took counseling, and the decision by the family for us (myself and my spouse), to back off. I seem to have the adjustment well, and I am so grateful that my son has responded in kind.
The Supreme Court legally legitimized my marriage throughout the United States, and most importantly, in my home state. It has affected me in the sense that I feel that my relationship is protected in ways that I was uneasy about before. With this, I hope social change will follow.
Rachel going to College and Caleb recovering from his depression and anxiety. I also got a new job teaching again @ Nova Academy. Rachel going to college is exciting. Caleb getting better is great. Good to see the old Caleb back. Medical bills associated with counseling and hospital are adding up though. My new job helped pay off several things on our debt snowball, but new insurance coming out of my check will slow the snowball down quite a bit.
Could it be the near simultaneous challenges my folks have had? My dad had double-knee surgery, and my mom is beginning to have some dementia-like episodes. My parents had me later in life, and I always knew that I'd probably need to confront their impending mortality ahead of many of my friends, but this is really hard. It doesn't help that they live an hour and a half away - but I am so grateful that I did not move out of state in some self-righteous "I'm independent!" action to prove something to myself years ago. Every time I see them, I find myself recognizing that the bulk of all the time we will ever get to spend together is in the past. It's bittersweet. I try to focus on really making the most of the time we have together. They are truly lovely people, and I am very blessed to have been born to them. I will feel lost when they eventually go quietly into the night.
My dad's cancer keeps spreading, and treatments aren't really doing anything. We're thinking a lot about end-of-life options and how we'll need to support my mom once all is over. We're not giving up hope, of course; miracles happen. But it seems that this particular life event is going to be happening rather sooner that I would have preferred.
Not sure if this was a milestone, exactly, but it became clear that the relationship between my brother and me has deteriorated. I find myself regretting my involvement in family arguments, even though my involvement was at another's request. I've come to realize that my wish for a true friendship with my brother and his family just may not be meant to happen no matter how much I desire it.
My mom had a stroke and for a moment it felt as if our roles were reversed--that she was the child and I the parent. It seemed as though I could see us--her family--from her perspective. And I became very concerned about them. Suddenly it was evident how tenuous a happy and healthy family is--for all six of us to be okay at any one moment simultaneously seems almost a miracle.
My father lost his job this year. He had it for 27 years, and it was quite a surprise. I tried to get him to do some other things, but he seemed only interested in taking low-level jobs that I felt were beneath him. I realized that I was trying to force my own ambitions and attitudes on him, and that besides being my father, he's also another person with his own different worldview.
It isn't so much a tangible milestone as finally realizing that my both of parents are multidimensional, flawed people. For years I have recognized that my father is a deeply flawed person. However, it pained me to ultimately recognize this year that my mother is a flawed person too. It hurts to see someone you have revered for most of your life not as the patron saint of selflessness but someone who has put others ahead of her for so long that she doesn't understand why or how she should take care of herself.
Oldest daughter moved away. This, even more than her marriage has made me readjust my view of myself, my family, my expectations for my life and family. i always knew she *might* move away, but i always hoped she would not. i enjoy her company, enjoyed the impromptu visits, dinners, walks, runs to the grocery stores. no more last minute visits, no more making plans for the upcoming weekend together. life is supposed to go this way, they grow up, they move away. but just because it it supposed to go this way, doesnt make it any less painful or sad. but i try to hide my sadness, because there is also joy. joyful she is happy, joyful she is happy starting a new life with her new husband, continuing with grad school, growing up, growing away. may her life continue to be a blessed and be a blessing. may she find her purpose in life, and find joy in living it out.
My mother turned 70 May 2015. It's impossible to continue to pretend that she will be forever vital and always the mom I have had. That is continuing to take some time..... Not only am I an adult who still has her mom, I am not at all ready to be on my own. Ever.
My daughter had been going through HOPE Probation for the past couple of years, and this year she was released 2-1/2 years early because she did everything she was supposed to, even moved out on her own and is getting her life together. What this has done for us as a family is realizing that she has matured and found her feet, just as a grown daughter would have done 18 years previous if it hadn't been for the drugs. The pride I feel for her, and the loneliness now that she's done just what she's supposed to do -- leave -- has been a major change in our familial dynamics: I can now recommit myself to my missionary calling, and my husband can retire to his permanent convalescent home and be taken care of, as there is nothing left for us together anymore. I am relieved to know that our lives will continue on a much different level now, and happy that my daughter has gained her full adulthood. It has been painful, but it has been very much worth it.
I hate to think of this as a milestone but Brian's passing this past year affected not only his family but his friends, clients and everyone his life touched. Even after all these months people still talk about the empty space that is there like a huge hole. He was such a bright shinning star and brought laughter, joy and excitment to everyone's life. It is a good thing that he lived his life to the fullest because so many people think about that when they are hesitant to do something. Because I was his mother, I will mourn for the rest of my life. That is not to say that there is not fun, happiness and joy in my life, there is but my life can never be the same. I may laugh everyday, but I also cry every day. It is just the way things are.
Me and my sister are closer than ever and our family are talking about taking a trip together in the beginning of the new year. Also this years summer family vacation was amazing and reminded me of why I love spending time with my family.
The milestones that come to mind are anniversaries & birthdays. Karen & I each lost our Moms not too long ago, and the 2-year and soon 3-year Yahrzeits/anniversary of their deaths have made me more cognizant of the fragility of life, and more appreciative of memorable moments in my own life. I will come across an object, thought or saying which reminds me of a passed loved one, and I may think of them all with fond remembrance. Birthdays of note are those of our grandthildrenwho have turned 1 & 3 in the last year. I am always amazed at how these youngsters affect me, bringing smiles with their play and development. In fact, holding the 3 year old in his first year went a long way in making both Moms' funerals/services bearable and keeping perspective.
My mom bought a new house and that makes me really happy. Having lived in an apartment for the past several years, I know my mom felt cramped and unsatisfied, so because home ownership means so much to her, I feel like she's a lot more comfortable where she is. Also, I'm glad she found a place that's reflective of her and her lifestyle, where she seems really at home. Granted, her brother got really really sick almost immediately after her moving in, so he had to move in with her for a couple of months, and that has been taking up an incredible amount of her time and energy, but I know that she's starting to get her life back little by little, which is really important to me. I know people often say that they put others first, but it seems like she has had to do just that for far too long in her life, and I look forward to the time when she can get around to her DIY projects and her exercise, and her relaxing...and maybe even her dating. ??
Same old things, milestones reached.
I'm very happy that I completed a Reading Specialist Program. Also, I relocated back home and was offered a job here. This gives me piece of mind since some of my family members are sick and need more attention.
My brother graduated from BA, my sister Almendra from MA! I think both of them are huge milestones for my mum and that it's about time she is happy and satisfied with her achievements, I wish I will be able to help her as she dreamed about, hopefully I will if I move jobs.
My mom fell and was injured so badly that she spent 3 weeks in ICU and then 2 weeks in Rehab. Once home from rehab me, Claudia and Michael rounded in to care for her. During her stay at the hospital and Rehab I visited mom everyday. The way we siblings came together to cover mom's needs has been inspiring. We each have our idiosyncrasies and sensitivities and through it all we became closer and worked out a support network. The events have strengthened my confidence. I see how I can resolve issues and soothe strained nerves. I'm more patient and a better listener
Divorce. It splintered my soul.
I asked my mother for help. I was in a deep hole, suffering from depression but determined to resurface. Her ability to set terms and provide a financial gift empowered her. My independence, and trusting my own path and healing plan, empowered me. On the other side of the season's difficulties, we seem to have regained mutual respect and appreciation.
Son awarded recognition as a journalist. Daughter position with BLM as an Emerging Leader. We have raised two dynamic offspring who will carry positive energy forward.
All of my parents (mother, father, step-mother) are all in their 80s this year. I am so grateful to still have time with them, and that has made me more grateful in general.
I went to Israel with JWRP. This trip has given me the springboard to try to be a better Jew for myself and my family. I have been reading, studying and trying to live a better Jewish life.
I got engaged -- and then moved across the country to be with my partner! That's a pretty big milestone. It feels scary and also really good to be prioritizing this relationship so much, but I've never lived so far from my family before and it is definitely stretching new muscles in finding ways to be close in a healthy way.
I realized I had a family! My mom died when I was 7. My older brother died about 6 years ago. My father died 15 years ago. My nephew lives in Ottawa with his family and I visited the August before last. I'm planning to return this December for a week. Now that the Supreme Court ruled lesbians can marry I'm on the lookout for a Jewish womyn in my new synagogue! I don't think God meant for anyone to be without a family.
My brother, the violinist, conductor and baby of the family, was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis this year. There are eight years between us, and he and I have always had a bit of a fraught relationship (I was his first babysitter, for instance, and he trained me how to handle babies). But although we've both been adults and parents for a long time, it stuns me to think of my baby brother as someone who suffers from chronic pain. It makes me want to pull both of my brothers, and our parents as well, into a tight group hug and never let go.
I guess I should be happy that nothing "major" happened this past year with my family—everyone is healthy, as happy as each individual family usually is (knock on wood). Geez, did I have a boring year? Am I just not being present enough? Is it because we don't have kids? My uncle did have a little scare a little over a year ago, where he had a fall and was in a coma for a week. He's fine now, but it's a good reminder how fragile life is and that we need to remember to be present and seize the day as much as possible.
Our youngest son got married. It feels like a big burden has taken off our shoulders. A kind of relive it has it's own qualities.
I made the decision to move Mom into foster care - this gives her care 24/7 - the facility is very nice, and the caregivers truly do care about their residents, but the further loss of independence is hard on Mom - I can go away now and not worry about her well-being, but it is not ideal that she lives with people who are not family - she is with family 6 days out of 7, and that is a good thing -
My brother discovered he has a mental illness after year of unidentified aggressive and disfunctional behaviors. This changed my family dynamics completely, because now we understand where it all came from.
In June, my niece graduated from high school. To me that was a great accomplishment. Even though her grades were not as high as I wished, she graduated! She was not made into a statistic, she has a job and recently got her drivers license. I'm extremely proud of her. I wish she would start making plans to further her education. I wish I could be more influential to her. She's 20years younger than me. She saw me graduate with both my bachelors and masters degrees. Her mom graduated with her bachelors degree a few years ago. So I know she sees how valuable having a degree is. I don't want her to settle with only a HS diploma. I'm afraid of her seeing the need for money and material things over the need for having an education. I just don't want her to end up like so many have to work because they have accumulated things (like kids, paying rent or credit card bills).
Our 3 year old started preschool. I'm officially on my way to being a soccer mom -- Something I did not aspire to be and was meant to be. I love his Friends, what he's learning from his peers, and the women (and men) I have met that are parenting along side me. We even have mom's night out. What's interesting is that I feel very at ease within this community we have chosen to raise our children in. Im already looking forward to sending our daughter to school and helping to facilitate the friendships she will establish. I pray that my children will make life long friendships with children and that these children will help each other become their best self. So choosing the school that fits our son and family is a huge milestone. Watching my husband enjoy our ROOM emails with updates is so fulfilling as well. I feel blessed to have made this choice, to have easily gotten a spot in this school, and witness this magic.
Our son and his wife had a daughter. This is the son we hoped would never reproduce. She's adorable. He's a great dad. We don't see her a lot but love it when we do. There are fears for her and what life will hold for her - either personally or due to her parents. Our son is so happy; he's always wanted to be a father and now he is. He is so careful with her; so concerned for her wellbeing. This makes me very happy and proud. I hope it is enough for her/them to be well and safe.
I started going to synagogue with my sister and Heaven. A truly joyful thing.
What I feared about Zach & Eric living together has actualized. Zach's abandonment fears escalated to the point of debilitating OCD. I learned about this from Eric, not Zach and the medication change by Sharon did not help. Eric found a CBT therapist for him that is costly and I have been paying for this. It has been 6 months and I'm not sure Zach is honest about his progress. He continues to call me in a panic when he & Eric are apart outside of a regular expected schedule. I am frightened for him, he is living outside his means and I am unable to say no to his money needs. I am struggling financially, I have been able to make the payments for the credit card he uses and I helped him with paying off 2 credit card balances in the past couple of years but it's getting harder & harder. I find myself more angry with Scott who is so self absorbed he has no idea and he isn't even interested in how his son is or how Zach is surviving. I'm at the point I can say to God I give my life for Zach's health, that's the only thing in life that matters to me at this point. Milestone? Not sure I answered this as asked but it is taking most of my energy. It's a milestone I pray for.
Faith managed to put together a fairly impressive streak of using the bathoom in the toilet, daily, giving us some hope that she may eventually develop basic life skills at some point.
A major milestone has been getting married. Getting married has been interesting in that it has changed the dynamics in my family since we are now adopting my fiance into my family. Furthermore, family dynamics have changed even more because my parents are attempting to have some say in the relationship that I have with my future wife. This puts me in a predicament since I want to still honor my father and my mother, but I also want to give priority for my fiancee as well. It has resulted in me taking a stand with my fiancee and has really solidified our relationship more as a result.
my daughter turned 12 and I've been married for 12 years. every year I reflect on having a daughter, and being part of this group made of my husband and daughter. I am amused and somewhat proud, and mystified. How has this happened? I did not plan it or imagine how it would happen. I suppose that is a result of growing up in a certain type of dysfunctional family of independent introverts. But here it is. It's pleasant and sometimes quite painful. It is fragile, vulnerable, challenging, fierce, loving and mysterious. I know that I've become a person I would not be without my husband and daughter. I've learned lessons I never dreamed I would.
Dad is starting to have a home health care assistant in the last 24 hours. He was in the ER twice this month. I've known this time was coming and it is finally here. I prayed we would find a great caretaker like the one we found for my grandmother. I think we found one right away. So blessed.
My dad died and it has been really difficult for me and my sister. Having my dad die was one of my biggest fears in life, so there is some relief in knowing I can survive this and not have to carry that fear with my anymore. But I would gladly take the fear if it meant I could have my dad back.
Nathan leaving home to go to graduate school. It feels different this time, like he's really gone, and it's okay. It was sad, but we didn't mope for weeks like we did when Rachel left. By the time Whitney left it was less emotional, even though still sad. The biggest thing right around the corner is Whitney's baby. She will be induced in two weeks, and we will be grandparents. I haven't wrapped my head around it. Partly because Whitney lives a crazy spendthrift lifestyle, just makes me a bit crazy, so I don't know how this is going to go. But I think Diana's family is planning to help take care of the baby, so we'll see.
Living through your partner's cancer and taking care of the house and home makes you stronger and realize what you can do and what your limits are. Getting married when it was once not legal feels triumphant and blessed when you see all your family and friends around you celebrating your love.
My mother fell in August 2014, breaking her hip and wrist. This began a steady and swift deterioration of her physically but more so mentally. It has been very difficult to deal with her needy nature and her aggressiveness under the best of circumstances, but as she has become more dependent she has become more childlike and more testy. She was able to concentrate on getting to her 90th birthday which was a good focus for her but she became very used to having people do her laundry, get her water, warm her coffee and in general be her servants. This has brought about many trips to Phoenix and elevated my own sensitivity to demanding people, and women, in particular. It seems harder to not get angry with her and her reactions are very strong and harsh to any corrective suggestions. No doubt it has made me less tolerant of Ava's behavior and some of Laura's. I want to be alone more. I want to be removed from the neediness of others and be less dependent on them. I have stronger reactions to people who don't adapt to their surroundings but instead expect their surroundings to adapt to them.
My fiance lost his grandfather, who was lucid until 24 hours before his death. He was an amazing man and I was sadder than I thought I'd be, only having seen him twice or three times. I was so happy to be there for Cory and his gracious family. At the end of the day of the funeral, the musical siblings played music - Bob was a musician. Cory's mother gave a beautiful speech. W must learn to be rocks for others, even if it is out of our comfort zone. Share the joys of those long gone with those alive.
THE event / milestone / core life experience that occurred this past year was Dad's illness and death. While it has clearly affected all of us in many similar ways ... it has also impacted each of us in unique ways. All of us are deeply saddened; we each miss him terribly, and in a sense, the family feels rudderless right now. Dad was the center of the hub; he was the foundation upon which each of us grew, and upon whom we relied for "gravity" as well as direction. I certainly feel that loss keenly. Dad always has / had been my compass for so many things -- religious and spiritual, practical with regard to big life decisions, economic / financial, familial, and certainly for navigating important personal and communal relationships throughout my life. When Marcy first said, "I love you" while making out on her parents basement couch (1976? 1977?) my immediate response -- both internally and verbally -- "I've got to talk to Dad about this! He'll know what it means. He'll know how I should feel and what I should say." It was almost reflexive -- I'm encountering something entirely new in my life, and who else could possibly understand and know how to guide me? This is but one of countless examples of his centrality in helping me grow. Our relationship was not without difficulties -- we certainly had a number of painful conflicts -- times when I hurt him or disappointed him with my selfishness or arrogance, and also the times when I wanted or needed him and he simply wasn't there: most notably during and immediately after the boys' birth -- I desperately wanted him to hold me and to be present and to calm my terror, and yet he was absent: "There's nothing I can do. What do you want me to do, when there is nothing I can do?" he said into the phone as I paced and sobbed in the surgical suite hallway. Now, after a lifetime, I better understand that it was because he was human, and as such, he was overwhelmed by his emotional limits to share or tolerate pain and uncertainty;. this was something that he was exquisitely frightened of and overwhelmed by, and therefor he always kept his distance from such pain in others. Perhaps his responses were responsible for my learning and choosing the opposite path: to move toward and with the pain; to try to help soothe and comfort others when they are hurt or frightened? Through his countless invitations to take walks together, his sitting on the bed to gently wake me for school each morning, walking with Dad to shul on Shabbos and the Chaggim together, sitting beside him every Shabbat and chanting with him on Pesach, visiting his aunts and other family members when they became frail, the driving trips cross country to visit Uncle Lou and family and Aunt Fran and her family, dropping by his office to hang out and schmooze with him -- all of these experiences have become woven into my own fabric, and continue to guide and inform me. I often find myself using his words, telling his stories, using his practical wisdom with my patients and in conversations with friends. We often sprinkle "Papa"isms into conversations with the kids. He was so kind, and gentle, and wise, and generous. Yet, he was also a regular guy -- he wasn't (by his own admission) the tallest or the strongest or the smartest guy in the room. He wasn't athletic (until his heart attack at age 57 -- then he became a dedicated workout beast!!). He wasn't the wealthiest or the funniest guy around. No, he was just an authentic, genuine, plain man who came from a simple background. And he was the most wonderful man I can ever imagine knowing. And I was so blessed to have been his son. Now, he is gone from this life. I am so, so sad. I miss him terribly. So many times during the week I start to pick up the phone to say hi, or to check him. I can feel his presence, almost tangibly. His absence remains almost dream-like: perhaps I'll wake up and he WILL actually still be there. But, of course, he is not still there, and he will not return, and I must find him in my memories and stories and his photos. Yet, he does live on in each of his grandchildren. I hope that I continue to carry and pass along his kindness and wisdom and generosity to all those whose lives I touch.
We lost a close friend. We are reminded to be aware of special people in our lives who continually bless us through their memories.
My grandparents' 60th Wedding anniversary! I traveled out to Indiana, then Kentucky to spend several days with a bunch of family that I hadn't seen in a long time. It was so so good to connect with them - it made me realize how important it is to me to spend more time with my family. I feel like I would regret not seeing them more if something bad were to happen.
Our eldest announced that he was making Aliyah. After pining after this future for 30 years, my son will precede me- luckily only by a few years since at the same time, my husband has finally gotten serious about our future there. I am immensely proud of him and feel the whispers of my ancestors nodding in approval...
My retirement on August 31 affects my whole family. Taking on 2 days of child care for Tracey, and hopefully helping more with Dylan. Beyond that is yet to be seen.
At the beginning of this year, my aunt was diagnosed with cancer of the uterine lining. After a botched surgery, long recovery, chemo, radiation, and more recovery, she is going to be starting chemo again in a month. Part of me feels proud of how hard she is fighting despite how incredibly afraid she is of this disease she has been dreading for 15 years since she last fought and beat cancer. Part of me feels envious at the amount of love and support she has within the family, that, on my best day, I'm always going to just be getting by on that front. I resent people who try to make me feel better about what my family is going through by giving me canned 'hope' when I know there's a long road ahead, and I don't know if the ending is a happy and healthy one. Celebrating Rosh Hashanah together this year brings with it mixed feelings about new beginnings.
We changed jobs and move to the mountains. It was challenging and traumatic because I was under the impression that we were on the same page but what happened was conflict and aggression. This continues for months and nearly ended our relationship. Year after year my husband would complain about living in the city year after year he would say he wanted to live in the mountains but when I got a job quit the job I was working to move....well lets just say the shit hit the fan. Things really have not been the same since.
This is a tough question to answer. My family has been pretty stable and solid this past year. My brother went to high school which was pretty cool, we got a new puppy ( I think that was this year). As a whole we have been pretty happy, no major losses in our lives. I wish we did more things as a family so we could have milestones. It was nice when we were all together for Easter in Florida. That was the first Easter we had been together for in about 3 years. I think that by trying to answer this question, it has made me realize how I wish we did more things together as a family. I wish my parents weren't so intense because that would make family time a lot more enjoyable. But I love them all so much even if they do drive me nuts sometimes
To be honest. I think we've all just given up. The word father has become a joke to throw around.
There have been several milestones. Our son and daughter in law moved in with us and our daughter got a job and moved very far away. My sister in law's mother 's Alzheimer's disease worsened and she is now in a nursing home. My husband's niece got married and we were able to make the wedding. We also went to my aunt's memorial service ( she died this past year) and got friendlier with my cousin and his wife. All of these milestone's have made me feel closer to my family. As I grow older I hope I will increasingly appreciate and value those around me and I hope I will enjoy each moment of life given to me. Time is moving faster and faster and before I know it, my life will be at it's end. I am trying to remember to savor the time i have.
My son is getting divorced. After 3 years of marriage and 7 additional years of togetherness they have decided to split. He decided. This has brought home for me the many years of dissatisfaction I have felt in my own marriage and my thoughts that my son is wise to make this change now, before children, before more time and memories, pass. I now think daily , in spite of 41 years of marriage if I might consider a different path. THis is scary for me, but change must take place.I need to embrace my life and make it work, without distraction or dissatisfaction, or change.
My daughter decided to stay in the United Kingdom rather than come back to the US. She is happy there and so I am happy for her but I miss her and her grandmother and mother miss her more. Skype is wonderful. We all look forward to her coming back to the US to visit for the holidays.
Ah! sadly, back to Steve's passing and a feeling of loss. Thinking of other family members who went before. Hoping they are together. life is short family is precious be kind reach out help others be mindful
So many to choose from this year, all of which are Elijah's milestones. When you're two, life is pretty much one milestone after another. I think of all the amazing things he's done this year, and the awesome developmental hurdles he's cleared, the one that has the most pact is his self-awareness. Even more so than language (though that is a close second) being aware that heirs who he is, and that he is separate from others, opens up vast worlds of possibility. For me, it has meant that we now have conflicting goals at times. Okay, daily. The biggest challenge for me is to meet him where he is, and understand the limits of his self without constraining his explorations. It is also the most rewarding when I can help him with this, since it means supporting the beautiful developing person that is my son. When he feels safe, heard, and understood, he will be funnier, more open, and more expressive. It is a beautiful opportunity I've been given and I need to remember to make the most of it, and give all I can to Elijah and his growth.
My son began a graduate program to become a teacher after six years of teaching kids how to ski in the winter and working at the Y in the summer. Because of an inheritance from my father I can afford to pay his graduate school expenses, which I could not do when he was an undergrad. I am so grateful to be able to help him and hopeful that this will allow him to support himself financially at higher than a millennial level. It isn't that I want him to be well-to-do, but so that he will be able to afford to marry and have a family.
The children at 24 and 22 continue to grow up and grow more independent. Daniel graduated college, went to Israek, out west, and now he is working for Brick by Brick. Julia is about to start her first professional job. I am so pleased watching them. Still, I miss them. I love those two more than anyone in the world.
It was wonderful as my son became a Bar Mitzvah, it was both happy and sad. Sad that my brother in-law couldn't be there because of his illness that he eventually passed away from a month later, but also happy as my son's hard work paid off and he read his Torah and Haftorah portions beautifully.
My son has grown and changed a lot in the past year. He has developed into his own person and it is fun to see who he is becoming. I am very proud of his work ethic, how he takes on new challenges, how he interacts with people, and how he is discovering and navigating the world. It is still hard for me to let go and know that he is moving in a direction away from us, but it is exciting and fulfilling to see how great he is doing. I hope he can continue to grow and change, take risks, develop as a person.
With losing my father-in-law and mother, it makes me realize even more how few days any of us have and how we should make the most of them.
Ira had major surgery, a hip replacement, and tho' he came through so well, it felt vulnerable and scary. How fragile we are. I'm pleased I could be with him. Add this to my last October illness, and it feels as tho' we are headed into frightening territory of aging. Other major milestones in the past year were my 70th Birthday Celebrations and preparations for my Torah Reading in honor of 70. I'm proud of my efforts.
My sister had a baby. I have never seen her as happy and at peace with herself as this past year. It gave me faith and confidence for my own future. Also it helped my tolerance to be around children a big deal haha.
My youngest daughter has gotten engaged. My niece and nephew started college and are actually starting their sophmore year now. My other niece has developed a major health issue that has significantly effected her quality of life. I am turning 59, and the work I have done on my mental health has gotten to a point where I no longer feel I am slave to and controlled by my deep depression. So, with the children in the next generation (who are now adults) moving forward in their lives, I think about my legacy to them, and how I can maintain and sustain connection, no longer being a mommy type of person in their lives, but more of a peer and a keeper of family memories. I have incredible joy and warmth towards them and the growth they have taken to create lives with meaning that resonates for them. Each in their own way. My one niece struggles with concerns about her independence, and continues to add skills and experiences that allow her to think for herself and be out in the world. The two youngest are finding adventures and interests that make sense to them. My own two daughters continue to search for meaning and connection, and I find them very capable of looking in places in which they will find those things. I believe another affect on me is to be inspired to be more active in my own quest for meaning. Also, to explore my spirituality, now that I am doing it for no one but myself.
I don't know if this is a mile stone but it has effected our lives. We are undergoing a major renovation to the house and that has cause us to look at how we live and what we want for the future. For me it has been difficult because it is calling for me to invest my time, money, energy and even future into a place that I am not totally committed to. While it is important to those around me this remodel just calls into question what is the reason I am living here and how long will I want to be here. It is asking me to seriously look at where I am going to go in the next few years and who will be going with me. Those are very hard questions but ones I will need to face soon
My brother Ricky got married. It affected the family in good ways because it brought us together. Though people held a lot of emotions at bay and maybe brought some into the area; overall it was nice. I went out the way to show my love for his happiness. Regardless of past events, I love my little brother & I am happy he found love!
Charlie was born! My 3rd grandson. I am closer to Charlie's mama than my other children (their choice), so I was invited to spend some time with them when he came home from the hospital. It was gratifying to feel wanted and needed. I figure I will not be as close to any of them as I'd like, since I live so far away BUT I get weekly photos of Charlie and I feel included in his life in a "real" way.
My mother has been able to collect over 6 months clean and sober - It's been years, too many to count, since she's had this much consecutive 'clean time' - This makes me proud - and gives me hope that we will have a healthy relationship in the future. It also worries me, though. I worry that she'll relapse - I worry that there isn't much time left for her - or for us - and that a relapse will only expedite that. I remain proud and supportive - but there's a sourness inside of me that just can't completely put faith in her being "done".
My grandfather became very sick this year and it became very difficult for my grandmother to care for him. He developed dementia and at times was aggressive and even violent. My relationship with my grandparents was never very solid and this became very obvious to us both I think. Before my grandfathers most significant decline he had a moment of lucidity with me that meant a lot to us both.
There hasn't been any singular major milestone in my family, but there has been a lot of cool stuff. Memaw, turned 94 this August. Mom moved her acupuncture practice from an office to the home and her business is successful. My parents both took up rock climbing and just passed their lead test. Sam and Myla are continuing to build a relationship. The one word that keeps coming to mind is inspiring. I am inspired by all of this and want to hold on to this feeling as I go through significant transitions and milestones (moving to a brand new city with my boyfriend. Getting our first apartment. Starting a new job, etc.)
This year has been fairly quiet at home. My extended family has had weddings, pregnancies, lots of birthdays, but my immediate family has not had any major incidences this year. Sheesh!
My family will lose me this year as I cannot afford to stay here. Today I'm packing and am overwhelmed by what still has to be done. Next year I will look back at this and go "Whew".
My daughters learned to ride a bike and read, respectively. It filled me with pride each time, but also left me anxious about how quickly time is passing, how I'll never get back the time we had together when they were smaller, and how if I'm not careful I'll miss too much of their childhood. I'm actually more or less satisfied with how much time I am spending with them; it's more than "quality time" it's true quantity; but still, it's going by so quickly...in the year ahead, I want to try to be even more present, have more conversations and be more intentional about teaching and demonstrating the values that I hope to pass on to them.
My brother officially retired - and officially came out. This has had a profound effect on our relationship and has allowed us to become a true 'family,' with shared experiences and similar interests and understanding. Our roles with regards to our family have changed, and I think we can truly see ourselves as siblings and collaborators.
My son began high school this year, I had the gift of being able to watch him 'becoming' a man. Not only the obvious signs as he grew 4-5 inches, but is showing different interests and striving for personal bests in school. I want to support him as he directs himself like this. I am filled with pride and love for him in a new way.
My twins graduated high school in June and followed their older brother out of state to college this fall, leaving me with an empty nest. This was mostly a joyous milestone, as it marked their accomplishments and allowed me to finally restart my life. At the same time, it was bittersweet - an ending of their childhoods and my mom years, a whole chunk of time that was dedicated to raising them, when their lives were the center of my existence. I celebrate the freedom their departure gives me. But I miss them on Shabbat and holidays and can't quite wrap my head around lighting candles and saying blessings alone.
My mother and step-father are just about at retirement. They have sold the house I have been visiting for over 10 years and moved into a condo. My step-father sold his business. I haven't yet seen the effects, but I am very interested to see how their life plays out as they both deserve to truly enjoy themselves.
I hit the one year mark with my husband this year. As newlyweds, we were prone to fighting and acting like stubborn disagreeing individuals. It was hard to be a team player, especially for people like me who thrive in working individually. I consider the fact that we are now a tag team one of the bigger milestones as opposed to acquiring things or getting a good job or a promotion. It has affected me positively because it taught me a lot of things I did not know about me and my husband. I know that there will be more in the future.
We celebrated the anniversaries of two of our children during the summer. There is a great sense of happiness and satisfaction seeing them move forward in their lives.
Decision to establish my own family is and will continue to be a major thang.
My boys and I spent the summer as adults. They have grown up. I was very happy.
My husband and I went to South America. This was the most expensive vacation we have ever taken. It was also three weeks long. We saw a lot of South America and in very good accommodations with a group of people who were interested in world affairs. Because of this trip, we later drove to California and back, taking 5 weeks of vacation to do so, a length of time we had never taken for a vacation before. Also because of that vacation, and what people on the tour said about how fantastic Vietnan is, we are headed for Hanoi in three weeks.
The boys' moving to a different school is probably the biggest thing. Lots of drama with the d school and plenty with the new school, too. (A sister school, so a lot of the same issues, really.) It affects me because it's double the commute, so that's not insignificant to deal with daily. Also means longer trips to parent meetings and birthday parties and the like, and meeting all new people and trying to fit in with the new crowd. Exhausting for an introvert like me. We are also dealing with homework for the first time, which is pretty huge, actually. It just started, though, so it's tough to tell how much it will affect us vs. how quickly we learn to roll with it. I suppose that's a much better "milestone" than many others. I can appreciate our good fortune there.
My daughter and her fiancé got married last fall. It was a wedding that was everything that she wanted and dreamed about, and I was able to provide a lot of financial assistance, including buying her dress and her rehearsal dress. It was really more than I thought I would be able to do and I was really so happy to be able to do everything that I did! They are so happy, and my grand daughter has a wonderful stepfather!
My parents got married to other people. Hasn't affected me at all.
I think I found my husband's empathy. Or rather he found it. I'm so glad we made it through the rough times because we feel like friends now. With affection. My best friend.
I am married 51 years to my wife whom I met in Hillel
One daugher is off to college and another has returned from college and she has a boyfriend. Both are showing maturity and growth as well as growing pains. Its awesome and scary and special and heartwarming and I am handling it well at times and TERRIBLY at other times. Praying for sanity and patience and lovingkindness and humility!
My wife's son left for college. It has left me conflicted. I so wish I'd had more time to develop more of a relationship with him before he left. Last year I didn't miss him as much as I wanted to because, honestly, it's easier when he's away. However, I wanted to miss him a lot. So far this school year, I miss him a lot more. This past summer was good. We got more familiar with each other. I know him better. I think he knows me better. I know, God willing, this game is long. It affects everything. It affects every relationship in our family. I'm trying to balance wanting to be a parent and not being a parent. I'm trying to balance not being his parent, and wanting to be something to him and in his life. Challenging.
Marriage. It means that finally we're equal under the law. It means that we are a legal family with rights. This has made me so grateful to those who came before us and started this struggle. It's made my life more secure. I have the family I always dreamed of but never thought was possible.
Having my first child. My capacity for love instantly grew beyond any boundries I thought I had. It was the most rewarding and challenging experience I've ever had. I have a difference sense of the world now. I think of things in terms of my child's world, her future .... not my own.
After my mom died, I moved and didn't speak to any of my siblings for 5 years. And this year, after 10 years of not being in contact with each other, my sisters and I met up at a celebration for our Aunt Dorothy's birthday. I feel relieved. I feel grateful. I feel free of the past. I don't really know what to do next or how to keep us moving forward but I want to make the effort.
1. My daughter completed her first year of high school, in a supportive therapeutic classroom, in a public school, without needing residential treatment - for the whole entire school year... she is now in mainstream classes and I am so proud of her progress, she is doing so much better! 2. My other daughter completed her first year at SDSU and is LOVING IT! 3. My dad finally had his drivers' license taken away and I have no need anymore to worry that he may kill someone or himself behind the wheel 4. Our dog is older now and has large tumors on his back and on his anus ...time is going on
I realized my dad didnt think i was capable of anything. He doesn't see any of my accomplishments. He is more concerned with how others perceive me then accepting me for being who I am. The mile stone is that i can't rely on him to believe in me and to help me through the challenges of what I want to do. I have to take chances and believe in my self. Its scary. But i know its worth it.
This year, we got new cars. It was sort of traumatic - my first car, bought new with a small inheritance and great pride, was fine, until it wasn't, and the transmission failed catastrophically, leaving me with a gigantic paperweight worth less than a towing fee. So I had to get a new one, and then we got another, not wanting to be caught in the same situation twice, knowing that the other car, my husband's first car, was older than the first. And after the dust settled, my husband and I realized we'd been holding onto the damn cars like talismans, because thrift and old cars are full of virtue, which are easier to cling to than comfort. Turns out we were spending more to keep those old cars alive than it takes to finance new ones. I hope I've learned to at least crunch the numbers every now and then.
I don't know, this one is tough. every thing with the family seems to stem from the troubles between my sister and dad, which has come to make me very adversely toward my sister. I just want to avoid her and potential blowups. Dad continues to make me crazy, with all his negativity. Plus how he wants help but ONLY HIS WAY. It has made me want to relocate out of the area. It's easier to love from a distance. Of course, then it brings up the question of leaving the only place I have lived my entire life. Also what about my job?
We got new kitties and they have been very entertaining and loving!
The birth of Ari our first grandchild! I was with her at the birth - which was a priviledge (zchut) and afterwards looking after our daughter and the baby...blood, birth, babies... I am good at all those Red Tent things Her partner is abusive of the isolation-control type and that meant a huge argument conveniently timed for the end of my stay and with his mother present. Accused of everything under the sun (not treating him with the Kingly respect due to the Head of the House, living off them and not contributing to the household as well as "hacking" my texts and e-mails...) I am still in shock (back home just a week today) but I now he is MAD and that he is our daughter's choice. We knew he was "not much of a catch" but not how SICK he is. She is still calling his surveillance cameras "concern and protectiveness" and is learning to live with all his conspiracy and End of Civilisation As We Know It theories by buying into them and acquiring the necessary equipment (Avian flu suits etc) It was a total mind-fuck and I feel very fragile. Not to mention sad she is in this situation. And that it is all her choice - despite warnings about this man from friends and not puttting together the facts available to her (he has no friends, no money, not much of a job, he lies constantly and inconsistently, the whole relationship was a rush (they have been to gether less than a year), he has a wife and baby not yet 2 years old, etc) She herself is not a " Tallit that is koola tchelet" and I fear for what I don't know about her - is she stealing from her job? Is she lying about her marvellous staff reviews? Why (apart from his pressure) has she cut off contact with all her local friends? Can I rely on anything she says if I can't rely on everything she says? It is such a mixture - he is a dear wee baby and progressing so well I did a tikkun of 3 generations of my family where my grandmother, my mother and myself all gave birth without our mothers
My daughter got into Pharmacy school. She is making life changing decisions which affect us. She moved out and is doing okay on her own. Life if good.
My wife's brother tried to kill himself this past Spring. He had a lot of issues building and chronic pain. At some point in the process he changed his mind and called someone before he bled out. He survived and was embarrassed to talk with us afterward. My wife handled it pretty well. Not detached, but pragmatic. She had tried to overdose 10 years previous. It was interesting to see her reaction to her brother. I think it was good for both of them on many levels to be there for each other but with a deeper level of understanding.
I came out to my brother and my parents as bisexual on Christmas Day. I had done some work on embracing my bisexuality in the preceding semester, and though I'd never been actively in the closet, only in the preceding few months had I come to appreciate the value of coming out and actively exploring my sexuality. I hadn't actually hooked up with any women, or started dating any women (though maybe I had been on a casual/basically platonic date or two with a woman? I can't entirely remember the timing), but I had decided I wanted to tell my family that I was bi. I don't know how this came to be a decision rather than something I was considering, but I started feeling nervous about it, and the anxiety rapidly rose until I basically just blurted out to my brother that I was bi. He said "oh!" and then my parents walked in, coincidentally, and I told them I was bisexual--I can't remember the words I used. They didn't say much, but there was absolutely nothing negative in their reaction--total acceptance, and I think I said something like "yeah, just wanted to let you know." They said okay, and my dad continued into the storeroom (or maybe somewhere else--wherever he had come downstairs to go, anyway), and my mom hugged me with so much love and appreciation. And it hasn't been mentioned since, and might never be mentioned again, but I'm glad I told them, because now I know they know, and it also affirms that this really is an important part of who I am. I'm also proud of myself for demonstrating the courage necessary to bring up my sexuality, however briefly.
The adoption is very near complete. During the course of all the paperwork, sis named me and my wife as guardians should anything happen. That one simple act spoke volumes of where my family is in terms of acceptance and support.
5 years married is a milestone, I suppose. I wish I could say it had some earth shattering effect, but I think the real effect is just the calming sensation that even 5 years in, marriage doesn't suck.
White Grandma passed away in February. I got to say goodbye to her on the phone the Sunday of the first weekend of performances. Shelby and Jimmy were there at Jake's restaurant to comfort me. I'll never forget that entire day. Grandma did not get to wish me a happy birthday this year on Feb. 20 like she does every year. A few days short. I still have a few saved voicemails of her singing to me in years past, so it's okay. She wanted to see me as Dorothy in Wizard of Oz. She was so excited about it and told me how proud of me she was all through the whole audition/callback/rehearsal process. She got to see me perform in after all. This is hard to type for me. I'm getting a bit emotional right now. I have a frame in my dorm room right now of her holding me in her arms and me with this goofy smile on my face, facing the camera. Her back is to the camera, and while we were looking at this picture at her funeral, my dad said how much she loved us kids so so much. He bets her face in the picture would be smiling just like I am, if we could see it. My cousin Tina was standing at the table too, looking at the picture. I started crying. It's hard. One night about a month ago, before I came back to college this semester, my mama and I were J-chillin in my room at home and she noticed the picture on my shelf. She asked about it and I told her what my dad told me at the funeral about how much WG loved all of us so much. And my mom started crying. And then I started crying. And we both had this beautiful silent moment of tears and reminiscing. It's getting hard to type again. Sometimes I forget she is gone. It's hard to re-realize it but I have accepted her death from the moment I found out. I did the same with White Grandpa too. I guess I've learned I accept deaths easily. They're hard, and emotional, and sometimes I can't even believe I won't get to hear her voice on the phone, or read a shakily handwritten letter in my college mailbox, or visit her at Golden Living retirement home. But it isn't forever. I'll see her again one day. I've always known that to be true. it's kind of amazing and beautiful when you think about it. I doubt my own talents and strengths on a daily basis, and yet I accept dying as the most natural thing. It's affected my family for sure. I didn't see my dad cry, which I was kind of hoping for. But he isn't a crier. I got to see my mom cry anyway, months later. So maybe that counts for something. I feel like us dad's side peeps have no reason to go to Clarion anymore. Which stinks, but Deb and Gary fixed up the house to look nothing like we remember it from our childhoods, and I never liked the feel of the retirement home G-ma stayed in... So I guess it was bound to be a broken bridge eventually. I miss grandma a lot. I'm glad I got to write a bit about her here for my 10Q.
One of my sisters became engaged to her boyfriend. I was thrilled! I'm excited that the two are finally getting married.
I went to Barcelona and Paris with my mom. I learned a lot more about her and how much she loves me.
My brother got married and got his wife pregnant. I was not expecting either thing to happen let alone all at once (although this is not a coincidence) maybe ever in my life. The last time Jonah and I spoke about kids and marriage it didn't sound like he was really interested in it. It was very upsetting when I found out he got married after it happened too - even though it was very small, just at a court, and he did not have a party, it stills seems like he should have told me. This will also be the first grandson (boy) in the family which is exciting. I wonder how this will change Jonah. I have a hard time picturing him as a father. The whole thing has made me realize how much we are aging and how my time is not so far away either
Me and my mom moved into my grandmother's house. It made realize that my mom had finally hit bottom. We could barely afford our utilities or rent so my mom decided it would be best if we moved in with my grandma. I don't like having to follow my grandmother's strict clean way of living or arguing with them. this is me and my mom's third move in order to ease the financial burden of us having our own house. First time was because the house got foreclosed then the rental spot we were got to expensive then same situation with the next and now were are at my grandma's house. This chain of events has motivated me to make better spending decisions so I won't have to stay with them too long after college. Luckily, I've met Chipmunk and it feels so natural being around him and laying in the same bed. We have spent the weekend together before and I can tell living with each other would be fun and just right.
My husband retired. It's been a struggle getting everything in place because he didn't do all the prep work up front. In his job, he didn't want to "tip his hand" and let people know what he was planning. Now we are both adjusting to his being home all day with nothing in particular to do. It will change the complexion of my work-at-home-days. He is around now; he still needs to find ways to occupy himself. Slowly, it is looking like it will benefit me as he starts to take on more household responsibilities. One very positive outcome is that he has become very hands-on with our granddaughter. She is happy with him and no long cries when I leave the room. He relates to her in a completely different way, and I know that will be a good thing for them both. Still very much in the adapting and waiting-to-see process, but optimistic.
The best major milestone that happened in my family this year was the Walker family reunion. It was the first time the Walker-Harrand people had gotten together for a non-wedding/non-funeral (although funerals were talked about =D) in a long time. It was amazing to see how little organization everyone possessed but I still loved that we could gather so many members of the family, no matter how long ago they tried to escape :-)
Being together for a family Christmas. This was the first time in a long time that we had a family Christmas. It was a risk, given how fraught and stressful past Christmases have been. We had some of the usual issues and problems but overall we celebrated Christmas together and we enjoyed being together and had fun. Going home for Christmas was a chance for me to test out the possibility of moving back home and living close to my family. I came away from it knowing that I want to move back and wanting to be close to them again.
I turned 50 this year and included many people in on the celebration over the course of the year. It made me realize the importance of relationships in my life and the need to cultivate and punctuate life's big and little moments. I am so grateful for family and friends who helped me celebrate and bring joy to my life every day.
We spread my father's ashes in the cascade mountains And I felt relief, closeness to my children and somehow a bit easier about my own death.
My youngest sister had her Bat Mitzvah. She is 12 years old and in 7th grade. This shows how much the whole family has moved up. It makes me feel like my life is fleeting. I remember my Bat Mitzvah, I remeber 7th grade. Literally as if it was yesterday. I understand those phrases that make people feel old. I don't completely feel old, I still feel young, but I feel like my life is running away. It makes me realize how much I need to grasp on to each day. I can't let any day be wasted because there aren't that many days in a month, there aren't that many days in a year, or even in a person's life. Especially when a person dies before they expected to. There is so much I want to do in my life. They need to stop being dreams for a tomorrow ages away and become dreams for today and the literal tomorrow.
My Dad recovered from major heart surgery, but it was really touch and go. I have been blessed with "young" parents and had not thought of the possibility of losing one of them "yet." When Dad began to fail after heart surgery, it was surreal. First, I saw myself go into full-on no nonsense, caretaker mode in the hospital and beyond. There was no falling apart for me, except on one or two private moments. Also, I began to realize that, as much as I hope it will be another 20+ years, losing a parent is something that I may have to deal with sooner than that - and I will survive. So many of my friends have lost parents this year alone - it is definitely a new stage of life. Finally, when, by a great miracle, Dad eventually came home from the hospital, I resolved to have a more accepting relationship with him - to appreciate who he is, to try to accept the limitis on his interpersonal relationship skills, and be a more attentive daughter, even from afar. I want to redouble those efforts again, now that Dad has almost miraculously made it through another year! Thanks God.
My mom and I traveled to DC together. It was our first family vacation in a long time. I'm glad we got the chance to bond and for her to get out of the house and the routine.
My husband died. It has devastated me. It has shown me the blessings inside the pain. It has shown me the blessings of my 20 year marriage. His illness showed me the depth and breadth of my commitment and reordered my priorities. His death showed me what incredibly awesome quality friends we had. It has taught me to live solely in the present moment and trust that all will work out as it is supposed to. It is catapulted me into redefining what my higher is and to re evaluate what spirit means in my life. I've lived through the worst and still I survive.
My sister left for her year abroad. It's different without her home. I still keep wanting to tell her things and then realising I can't do it straight away. I miss her.
My relationships with my remaining family- my sister, my mother, my son, are now all ruptured. I grieve for the loss of them all. I am deeply depressed, and sometimes am unsure of the reason to go on. Pure inertia keeps me working.
Well my dad died. So obviously it affected me in a very big way that I already got into. So I guess see answer #1.
Both my kids graduated this year. Mia from high school and Mark from middle school. Just getting me at hello I need to aid forms and applications and write essays was a big, big deal. Peter got another wreck this year only this time I was in the car, the Element and it's taking $5500 to get it back. We also had another major rainstorm which flooded our first floor and inch. We also had another major rainstorm which flooded our first floor and incher We've been sitting all summer without permit we've been sitting all summer with cement floors waiting for the insurance company and contractor to coordinate. Counseling with Robert has been great. We got a plan now to get out of debt. Step one is to prepare the house to sell. Step two is to sell the house. Step 3? is for Victor to get a job. Here's hoping it works.
Well that's a loaded question! On the positive. My father is more than willing to pay for my schooling since the VA and government reniged on their commitment to us veterans. On not so positive, my daughter and I have to find creative ways to talk and express ourselves since her father doesnt want us to talk unless he can be in on the conversation and or eaves drop . In case I say something nefarious of course. ...such a bad influence. I'm wanting to forgive the current admin and my daughters controlling paranoid father but that's a work in progress. For now I just continue school to get back on my feet and pray my baby won't resent me. I love her so much
Don't know that having both of my parents still with us at ages 84 and 86 can be classified as a major milestone...but I am blessed at the age of 62 that they are here. I am conflicted however. I live in a very small town where my parents live, and would much rather be somewhere else. I struggle knowing that "honoring thy father and thy mother" is the right thing to do, but not feeling it in my heart. I know that God has a plan for me, and that all things will come around in His time, but again, my heart is impatient and at times angry. I can only pray for peace and strength to continue doing the right thing.....whatever it is to be.
What on earth does that mean, a milestone? So many things have happened but I can't think of any that I would describe as a milestone other an being married 6 years or our son turning 2 years old. N turning 2 is a big deal. He has entered a new phase of life. His gigantic personality is emerging with a new fierceness and volume. His unquiet moments are bigger, and his joy and delight fill a room. His facility with language, in both English and Spanish, is exploding and he becomes more expressive every day. It is by turns maddening and exhausting and then utterly joy-producing to be with him. He bewitches us both, makes us gasp with wonder at each new gain, and laught until we're weak at the silly mimicry he shoots out ("girlfriend", etc). He's watching us, and his actions let us know, when he wants to do "salud" and clink his silly cup with our wine glasses. He knows what is ours and what is his, he comforts himself with little mantras ("no need to cry", "no pasa nada"), and is growing into this complex human being. I am holding him closer. I have taken to wearing him -all 30+ pounds of him- on my back in the carrier. Who knows how much longer I'll get to do so, even if I can manage his weight. I am trying to cherish him now, before he slips through my fingers into a more willful stage of childhood where he will rightfully get to choose more freely if he wants to give mami (these days mama Kyla!) a kiss or not. For now, I'll listen to "guantanamera" 40 times per car ride and steal a kiss each time I strap him into the seat, because he's still mine in the baby way. He's my baby, but he can tell me about the world he can see and touch and interact with on the A train and man, there is no better show than this. I'll watch it forever, but for now I still get a front row seat.
We had a baby and that has brought a lot of joy to our family. I'm grateful for this. It's been an adjustment in my marriage but we are growing stronger as a couple as a result of it.
I think that the development of both adult children has evolved. One is independent and one not. The independent one is showing signs from the difficult pressures of a family and the other is demonstrating a willingness to go into the world and fend. Major moves on the part of both, but regardless, the father remains the home of comfort and safety. Having each drop some of their judgmental behavior would compliment the progress each is making. The milestone for me is getting closer to my own complete independence as I age.
Thinking about all the quantity time I've spent with both my daughters (15/16 and 8) this summer. Mostly in the car, that's true, but enjoying all the moments, and occasional longer bits of quality time that so much quantity brings with it.
Mom and Barb went on a dream vacation to Paris- and my only nephew got a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum level one. I am a professional social worker and found myself being seen as an expert even though I do not diagnose this condition. I learned a lot and I have a new respect for my Brother and his wife
My mom has been in elder care for a year now. It's been the one year anniversary of the death of my uncle. Two of my friends died and I said jokingly usually it comes in threes what I asked for the Kaddish to be said. I found out today that a friend of my sons that he grew up with the died about three months ago . I feel like there is some level of stability now that my mom is being cared for. I feel like this is the harvest season three people that I know Have died recently makes me think about what I've done with my life. I'm kind of unhappy although not overly, I just feel like I'm tired of all of the responsibilities that I have not had a chance at my 50+ years to take care of Myself
My grandmother passed. I realized how much I loved her and how close we were. I saw how beautiful my family is and how they come together during tough times. I saw areas where my my mother and my grandmother had issues and it helped me relate to both of them more fully. I started to understand more about my mother and where she came from and it gave me more context about how she was with me. The end result was more love all around.
A major milestone for the family this year was coming to the realization that we need to learn to work together and that the entire house needs to be taken into consideration. In addition, it made a huge difference to the changes in my life that the family was so supportive.
Here we go back to day 1. My dad died. We lost a father, a son, a brother, an uncle, a grandfather, a friend. I feel irritable writing about it again. I could say that I have been tobacco free for over a year, or off meds for almost 2 years, or sober for over 5 years, but my father died. Everything else seems minimal. Dad was always a little out of reach, if only a phone call away. Even that I remember was trying at a certain age when I asked my mom why he doesn't call me anymore. He said he just forgets. I was 12. I'm 37 now. I always wanted to have a relationship with my father and decided that as an adult I could be the one to make the effort. I started calling more often and making surprise visits on his birthday and Father's day. We would hang out, watch Nascar or Pawn Stars. He would take my sister and me to his favorite restaurant. My dad was a simple man. Plain T's with one front chest pocket. Jeans. Tennis Shoes. I remember the upside down cardboard box that he used as an end table to house a lamp, insulin and syringes, a lighter, cigarettes, and maybe a couple of bills. It wasn't that he didn't have money to buy furniture, it just wasn't that important. He enjoyed working and up until he had a cancerous kidney removed and was put on dialysis, he seemed to be doing his thing. Tyler Durden. Diabetes and certain lifestyle choices wrecked havoc on his body. The miracle is that he lived to be 58 with many near death experiences. I felt the sadness from reflecting upon a significant life event on day 1, and now just feel really uncomfortable. I won't be able to get to know my dad anymore than I had tried to do since my 20's. When I talk to my sister, I ask questions about him to fill in the blanks for creating new memories. She lived with him for most of her life and seems to relate in the same way. Damn. He has visited me in my dreams and I thought I saw him driving a big rig on my way to work one day. Maybe he will visit me again. Maybe tonight in my sleep. Everyday since he died, I sleep with the red blanket that covered him during those 3 days of hospice. My red blanket.
The only major milestone that I can think of for this year is that I finally filed for my divorce. I actually could have filed for an annulment, but I waited too long, and even after filing the paperwork it took me awhile to get the papers served on my soon-to-be ex-husband. The main thing I feel is sad. Sad that I married him when I knew it was the wrong thing to do in the first place. Sad that it took me 2.5 years to finally file the paperwork. Sad that I hurt another person by, as the High Holiday prayer book says it "Pretending to emotions I did not feel."
Both grandma and grandpa moved into a care home, and this took a great emotional and financial toll on their lives. This had a knock-on effect on my parents' well-being, and it has become increasingly difficult for them. Shalev was born almost this time last year! This has been an absolute joy! Lots of cute and adorable videos and photos have been shared. This year I hope to be closer to him, across the seas!
My partner and I have changed neighborhood, moving into a new place and finding space for all of our stuff. It's changed the way I relate to my city, and to all of my friends. It's made me more cognizant of my privilege as well as my position as a gentrifier. That having been said: our new space and our new location is nicer and feels more like a "fit" to us. So it's been a really good move.
Both of my very frail grandmothers have now died, leaving my parents free to worry about other things. This hasn't actually affected me all that much, but it has made Christmas slightly less stressful.
Two things happened this year. Firstly, Uncle Ronnie died. He was my mother's youngest brother (my position in our nuclear family) and the last of my blood uncles and aunts. It's sad but didn't have a major impact as I wasn't that close to him and had hardly seem him since I moved to San Francisco. The second is that I retired and moved back to the UK from San Francisco. Huge positive upheval in my life and something that's made my sister very happy.
I believe we've pretty much finished up all of mom's business. It's been about a year and a half since she died and it feels like forever. I filed her last set of personal income taxes and got them back from the IRS with an error that I had made in our favor, but it didn't seem like it caused any problems. The accountants we hired filed the taxes for the trust/estate. I've heard from the IRS about those twice for some signatures that were omitted, but so far no problems. The last of the money in mom's accounts was distributed between Bud and me, and her accounts and the trust's accounts were closed. Having all her paperwork done sure feels like a milestone to me. I often dream that mom us back and I am scrambling to find some place for her to live where she will be cared for.
As a family, I suppose both my grandmothers turning 95 was a major milestone and my sister turning thirty. I think all three events made me look at my relationships with these people. With my sister how I can support her best as she tries to find her way - especially when not to voice my negative thoughts and what to watch out for when she is going though hard times but keeping it to herself. With my grandmothers, I am trying to find ways to help my parents look after them as their mothers decline mentally and physically and maintain some kind of meaningful personal relationship with the grandmothers through dementia and family politics.
Probably my decision to not stay buried in guilt with the relationship dynamic with my brother. It has made me more free and more open to genuineness. As much as that is possible with us.
After a successful family holiday, my dad got engaged this past January and married in June. Not only has it brought us closer together as a family, and given us more stability and a home to go home to, but it also made me become much closer with my two stepbrothers.
I became aware of my own snobbery and have come to respect my brother and sister-in-law.
Well, my sister's ex wife had a baby. I guess that's the biggest milestone I can think of. I think it has affected me in that I am happy for J, and also happy for the relationship which has changed but continues for J and M. Also, my grandfather turned 99 and my grandma turned 90. I think these big birthdays made me think about my grandparents as individuals and how much they have experienced in their lifetimes, and how much has changed in the past 99 years. It also made me think about my own life and what it means to grow older, see my body and abilities change, see the world around me change.
Both of my parents are now retired. That reminds me that they are getting older and that time though hopefully long, is also limited.
Cecilia turned 4. She almost died as a baby and the doctors said she had an 80% chance of never walking and being cognitively impaired. The other day she and her siblings began soccer and she was the only one to get off the sidelines and kick the ball around with the other kids. I love her. She has this really sweet, funny personality and she's small too. There's a vulnerability about her that makes me feel so tender towards her. She's a loving child too. I see what a blessing and joy she is to my brother and his wife. And it is also a joy and blessing for me to be an aunt. Even though school began recently, I still took a personal day and took the weekend to visit for CC's 4th birthday. I love being an aunt!
A milestone that I have gone through in this past year is that I have finished my script for a comic book that I have been trying to make. So now that I have finished that I can move on to illustration and then I'm done.
We found out this year that my husband has been offered a promotion to director of the school we are teaching at. He will serve as assistant director for the next two years and then take over as direction when the current direction retires. This is monumental for our family as he has been working towards this goal since before we started dating. Accepting this position also commits our family to staying abroad another five years or so. I very much miss home and look forward to the day in the future when we move back. But I have also come to be comfortable enough and connect enough to feel able to commit to another five years here so that is cool. The other benefit of staying in Taiwan for the time is that my son will be able to really learn Chinese. We have also returned to classes because at 15 months it will not be long until his Chinese surpasses ours if we do not continue to study it.
Letting my brother-in-law Bruce's slow suicide by alcohol run it's course. We've stepped in countless times with money, relationship, worry, prayer. Just this week, we've let him go. We expect him to be homeless in a short while. I actually feel rather numb to it all. Feel more for my husband's experience of it.
Losing my grandparents within four days of one another was life changing for our family, while also being a touching end to their love story. We always knew they couldn't be with us forever and we are so lucky we had the time we did. I am hoping they are at peace & together, and glad neither of them is suffering anymore.
Our son recently completed studies for his Masters Degree. We are very happy for him and extremely proud. His achievement inspires me to do better.
My mother had never had a sign of depression nor complains to her kids what she is struggling with. This year i started seeing signs and hear her speaking about the struggle she is going through. That has been hard to take but at the same time glad she is open to share about it. Now i am trying to do everything to make her happy which can also means putting my feelings/and my pride away.
One of my son's moved out on his own just recently. He has struggled for a number of years with medical and mental health problems. So this was huge!!!!! He is doing great and as worried as I am for him, I am so excited and happy for him. He also while living with me was a very big support for me. We actually were very good for each other, but having him be ready and able to make this big move was so important. I am so proud of him
We had many vacations and made many memories and spent time together. We went on a cruise. We went to Destin, Florida for 2 weeks. And most of all we made the best of memories that we could before my brother had to leave for college. I hope to have fun and make more memories when I see him again.
Well there have been some nice things that happened this year. Moshe got his PhD, Max got his MSW, Nomi finished her BA and Avram was ordained. Moshe and Rachel are expecting a baby and I just hope and pray that they can manage. Yael and Avram are expecting a second child.Nomi and Max moved to New Orleans. I retired from the Greece Central School District after working there for 24 years. So yes there are plenty of milestones.
My younger sister gave birth to the last grandchild. This has made me sad, because it's the end of the creation of a generation, while at the same time it has made me thrilled to see where our children will grow and go.
We've dealt with death and tried to heal.
My youngest sister, who's been married 25 years, like me, told me she is contemplating separating from her husband. This made me think very closely about my own marriage & decide that I do indeed want to spend the next 30 years (hopefully--he's 72) with this man, & also that I should be nicer to him.
Hmmm... a major milestone that's affected me? Well, I have been estranged from my sister for almost 12 years now (her choice, not mine, and I have no idea why). I've learned to live with the estrangement, and while it still sometimes makes me a little sad, my heart is no longer broken. The milestone, if we can call it that, is that at lunch with my brother recently, he acknowledged that there's nothing more that I can do to make this right, and that he also has no idea why our sister has separated herself from me. It's a milestone because he'd always insisted that one of us had to be the adult and deal with it - and I have tried to do just that, a number of times, but have given it up as a hopeless case. That he acknowledges this matters to me.
My nephew got married last month and now I represent the "older generation" --- When our children get married, we have to take stock in our lives. It made me think about both my joys and regrets.
My son has started kindergarten, and my younger daughter has started middle school. This is a significant milestone as we have no plans for more children, and the school years have started drawing to a (long) close!
Mom got her leg amputated. That was a major milestone, I think. It was a major event in my family. When I picture Mom, I still see her walking. I still absolutely cannot believe that she is paralyzed for life. This does not compute. When she lost her leg from the knee down it was the nail in the coffin for me. I am getting choked up writing this. For me, it was final proof that she will never walk again. There will never again be a time when I am sleeping over at their house and I hear her wake up and go into the kitchen and I go in to join her. We had our best talks over breakfast - even when I was a teenager and we fought a lot. We will never be alone in a car again - her driving the two of us somewhere. I miss her the way she always was. I am also profoundly inspired by the way she has handled her sickness, her paralysis, and her amputation. She has shown grace, the ability to stay in the moment and appreciate all that she does have, and she is neither depressed nor anxiety ridden. She is a truly amazing person.
Major is a relative word I guess. Major for me. Not major in the scheme of the world. Last December, BOTH my parents came to my graduation. They sat together in peace, and both proud. They didn't argue or bring up old shit. That day was about me and they were finally mature enough to agree about that. They even referred to me as "our daughter", instead of "my daughter". It all seems like something so small, but after 27 years, it means a lot to me - about fucking time really.
For both myself and my husband (this is the extent of family for us), it was letting go of people who are poison to us as individuals and to us as a couple. This was difficult, it caused tears, but in the end we are healthier for it.
My husband got a new and much better job in a different state, so we had a big move. We've lived in 4 states in 8 years of marriage, due to education and training for his medical career. It has been worthwhile, and interesting to experience different places, and we've met many wonderful people along the way. At the same time, the repeated uprooting and disruption of our lives has taken a toll. While I've had an enormous amount of freedom to pursue music without having to worry too much about what I earn, it has been difficult for me to have to start over in a new community every few years. I've had some wonderful opportunities come my way, but I haven't been able to create a sustainable, ongoing trajectory. I feel like I'm too far behind in life to ever catch up, and I'm ashamed of it. I also experience constant loneliness from not having a local support system and frequently working from home mostly. I'm really weary of it, and envious of people who have deep, long-term roots in one place. I don't currently feel like our present location will ever become that place for me, so I don't see a light at the end of this particular tunnel. I keep reminding myself of the saying, "Bloom where you are planted," but I can't decide if that's an empowering testament to human resilience or a depressing capitulation to the status quo.
Many milestones --- significant anniversaries and birthdays as well as the graduations of our boys. There were also many deaths. How all of this has affected me is to realize the significance --- and insignificance --- of all that happens, and that in the big picture, all is really only what I make of it.
We lost my favorite great-aunt. She's the woman who made my mother who she was, and taught me to life my life the way that makes sense to me...
My sister turned 50 in January so that got me really focused on my own impending 50th birthday and on where my life was and what I might want to do if things did not change in my life, relationship-wise. Thankfully that no longer needs to be the case.
Ethan has hit adolescence... this means that we are all challenged to grow up with him. I grow in setting boundaries, in allowing him more freedom, in allowing his anger, and meeting it with my own strength. I am being called to know more surely, to admit where I don't know, and to guide him where I can.
The news that our first grandchild is on the way. He won't be born until January, but the very fact of him is changing everything. I am already in love with him, with that pure, sweet and uncomplicated feeling that a child can bring. Jocelyn is truly a part of our family now. A new branch on our family tree!
Um... moving back to California! I feel like it's bringing me and Justin together, slowly but surely. We will have our work cut out for us learning new work routines/habits, life routines/habits, people in our lives at work and home. It will bring a ton of our ISs out. For me, it's clear what that'll be. For Justin, it's not super clear yet. It may have to do with work, especially at the beginning.
My sister got married. Can't really get bigger than that. It has not affected me at all really, apart from making me feel happy for her, as she seems so content.
My daughter graduated high school with honours. I don't think I was prepared for how emotional I would feel - tears falling the moment her graduation ceremony began. It was the realization that she was no longer my little girl and may never live at home again.
I organized a family reunion of my mother's family. I got an opportunity to connect with people I hadn't seen in over 20 years, and also to meet many new relatives. It felt really good to be part of a larger family. My mother was an only child, and so we didn't have aunts and uncles and cousins while I was growing up. Some of these relatives were around, but they lived hundreds of miles away and I hadn't developed a relationship with them. It is grounding, and feels like a good connection to the past.
I'm not sure there are any. Harmon starting 1st grade and going to Weatherstone now is probably the biggest. It's made things easier with drop-off and pick-up!
My father was engaged over Christmas to a woman he barely knows. Multiple red flags have come up: her lack of financial independence, the pressure she put on him to get engaged and move-in right away, her 16 year old daughter she expects him to support, and numerous break-ups, arguments, and tantrums by a full-grown woman. There are also major cultural differences and language barrier issues. It has been a challenge to stand back and let my dad make his own choices. Other parts of my family have fallen into financial ruin and I fear for my dad as he retired in June. There is a constant state of worry...that my dad will be left with bills he can't pay or worse, he will be left alone and heartbroken.
My dad died. I hadn't spoken to him in 5 years, so I had already dealt with the loss. But, there's still a weird feeling that comes with thinking about the fact that my dad is dead. There's also a certain sense of relief because I know I will no longer have to worry about him contacting me or causing problems. It's a weird conflict of emotions.
Sean ended up in the hospital again. His lung collapsed. This event hit me really hard. I felt the weight of the injustice. How it wasn't fair that it had to happen to him? Wishing that I could take his place and keep him out of the hospital. I felt helpless. He has now been diagnosed with Marfam's, which I know isn't much of a comfort to him, but I feel like we regained a bit more control now. We know what he's facing and it's not these random events hitting us randomly like a ton of bricks. I hope I can be there for him in the way he needs me the most.
Leaving my husband has affected us greatly. Not only has it directly affected my son and me, but my mother, father, sister and niece, as well. They are all helping me get back on my feet - monetarily, with watching my son so I can work, offering moral support and driving me when I need to go somewhere I can't otherwise get to. I feel it has created a tremendous burden on them, but I know they aren't resentful, even though I feel they will be in time. I am full of guilt over the entire situation, which I'm trying not to dwell on, but it hits me periodically. I'm recovering. And one day, I will be whole again, and I won't need to take as much help from others. I can't wait for that day, but I'm thankful that I have such a supportive family right now.
Hum-- major milestone---I don't think we had anything I would/could consider a major milestone this year. Looking forward to some good ones in the future though!!
Drew started kindergarten this year. A huge milestone for anyone. It makes me sad to see him so big and know he is only going to get bigger. I want to keep both of them small and with me forever, but I know that isn't how it works. My job is to teach them how to be human-kind, loving, sharing people. I miss them both when they are gone. It does make it easier to do things, but I try to always cherish my time with them, even when they are fighting.
There really has not been a major milestone this past year in my family. My parents are happily retired, my sister and her boys are doing well, and so on. My grandma Zelda passed away a year and a half ago, but we have come to terms with that as a family.
The sister got married this year. I am so incredibly happy for her. She married a wonderful man who loves, respects, and admires her so much. They are also trying to have children, which has been difficult. I feel such an ache in my heart to see my sister go through such a difficult time. I am grateful that she has a wonderful person to share her life with though - for good and for bad. We may have some happy news later this month!
My son got great grades in school and had several parts in commercials. He's getting lots of work and I am very proud of him. My daughter's vocabulary is growing and she makes me laugh all the time. I'm not certain these are really milestones but they're special moments in my family.
My mother's last surviving brother died. Losing him didn't affect me. I still miss her every day and it's been 30 years since she died.
My dad's health, I think. It's hard to see my parents aging and so hard to imagine life without them.
My Mom is taking offers to sell her coffee shop. I am looking forward to it selling, as I think it will be a relief to her and my father, and they can begin enjoying retirement!
Our wonderful son got his dream job. He was told he's the most persistent person they've ever met. I'm so proud for him. He's using all of the words in his diplomas.
Sam coming home - it's been good to have him back but had caused some stress too.
Loosing my job set us back financially but because we put effort into paying off bills when I was working we are nearly ready to buy a house. I suspect I will be living in my new home by next spring!
Julia went to the hospital for a week and a half for a severe depressive episode. I knew that she had depression and anxiety issues, but I think that the scariest thing was that we had no idea how bad it was. She seems to be doing much better now: she did outpatient day treatment (which we lovingly called "Day Camp") for 2.5 weeks after her inpatient stay, has a new psychiatrist, has new meds, and just sounds a lot happier. Sometimes I still struggle in communicating with her or understanding everything that sets her off, but I'd so much rather have these communication issues than what could have happened instead, and not be able to communicate with her at all. We were hoping that she'd move back up here this year, but she likes where she is right now, so as long as she's doing well, it's fine by me.
Luckily, I really don't think there was one. We're getting along great. That's a bit of a milestone in and of itself, I suppose.
We are in the midst of planning a big relocation to another town an hour away. We're buying the house in a couple of weeks, but not moving until the end of the school year (so our oldest son can finish pre-K in the same school before transitioning to kindergarten.) So....it's a milestone in the making! It has felt so momentous to search for, find, and make an offer on a house. We are thrilled with the place, and really see it as our "forever home." It's going to be a huge, scary transition. So I am both excited and apprehensive!
I can't keep answering the SAME question.
My sister got married. I am over the moon with happiness for her. I am also very relieved to be checking off my list of major concerns. Her mental and physical, psychic and emotional health have been of great concern to me all of her life but especially since her some was murdered. I am truly ecstatic that she has found happiness again. Although I know parts of her will never heal. Parts of all of us will never heal.
I had a son, and my father died. My father had been sick for a long time (over a decade). He's no longer sick. Really it's been okay for me. It's always hard losing someone you're that close to, but it was hard watching him suffer too. Today the hard part is watching my mother and sister transition and accept. It's been harder on them. I'm going this year to try to support them both, but it's hard with young children at home, and a wife who's health is also suspect.
My husband came to the realization he has been depressed and has taken ongoing action to help himself. His dedication to improving himself is something I respect, admire and am impressed by. It has helped him become a better husband, person and father, which has benefited me and our son in so many ways, both big and small. It was a real turning point for our family.
My dad has had more health challenges this year than in the past. It makes me value the time I have with him.
early onset of Alzheimer's for my mother. helplessness and compassion for all.
It's hard to mark just one milestone that happened within my family this past year. This year was intensely tragic for my family. It began with the death of my four year old niece, then my Mom narrowly survived falling off a cliff, then my uncle died, then nancy, my grandmother's caregiver, died, and last night, my beloved grandmother, our family matriarch, died. I'm still figuring out and moving through what the death of my grandmother means for me. Though the year's been tragic, I think it's marked a big shift in how my family relates to each other, especially my immediate family. I definitely have a greater sense of responsibility to them. Between Annie's death and my Mom's accident, they seem to have come out with a sense that the most important thing to them is making sure their kids know they love and support them. This is a really great shift, as much as what it came from was horrible.
My sister got married. It was amazing. I gained a new brother who I am so happy will be with my sister. I love them both and am so happy for them.
I don't think that major milestone has happened to my family in the past year, and for once, that's a blessing. 2011 and 2012 were rough for my family: two deaths, appendicitis, a brain tumor, arrhythmia, anorexia nervosa, and depression, and it's good to have a quiet time for once. My cousin got married 16 months ago, so it's just outside the time frame of this question, but I suppose that I could include that. It kinda affected me. I'm really happy for her, although it also spurred me to continue looking for a partner, which I eventually found.
Eli became a Bar Mitzvah. He did a beautiful job and felt great about himself - and so much better about his year in school. It was wonderful to have family come to St. Louis from near and far and feel supported by the community.
My son graduated from high school; the end of his required public school education. He struggled with school due to learning disabilities, but he made it through and is now in college. His biggest difficulty is with language. I am so so proud of him for testing into college level English! I didn't even do that and I was one of the "smart" kids. I went to UC Berkeley but still had to take bonehead English. I'm so proud of Shmuely for overcoming his disability. I even wrote a letter to his English teacher thanking him. How has this affected me? I'm so proud! And he moved from Northern to Southern California so I am on my own again. I remember now how much I like living alone! It's not much of an adjustment because I talk to my son every day. I think this will fade over time but we are easing into it. I am so proud of him.
In the matter of weeks I attended a 165 person family Reunion and my in-laws 50th wedding anniversary. Both events have enabled me to realize how lucky I am, help me reflect on life, what matters and how I allocate my resources, especially my time.
My family hates me. I moved out when I graduated, I was 18.
My boyfriend met my dad for the first time. He was nervous but everything went fine. It wasn't a really long meeting, so we will have to repeat it some time. The other thing is my cousin had his second child. It was nice to welcome a new member to our family.
My 20th wedding anniversary....while we were both sick and exhausted. We haven't done anyhing to celebrate yet. It shines a light on how often one or both of us is sick or exhausted....
My mom is making an effort to get help for depression. I'm excited because I think my mom is a wonderful person who depression has stripped the life from, and the idea of her being returned to herself is incredible. I hope that her getting help will allow me to truly separate her depression from her. I hope that it'll help me forgive her for not being the mother I thought she should be. I hope we'll be able to have a close relationship for the first time.
The two year anniversary of my stepdad's passing. It was hard. I was at school, I couldn't be with my family, and I had never felt more alone.
This was a year of many milestones. My parents moved to Europe. But then they had to come back for their residential visa. Now it looks like they may not leave again. It's been a difficult time having them back. We live together and they love having my daughter and I around but I find it stifling. Also, my daughter's father is getting married to his girlfriend and they're also having a baby. It's been a difficult time. My daughter didn't take it well in the beginning. She's excited now. We worked through it over the summer. It's really worn me down.
When I think "family," of course my own comes to mind, but then I realized the biggest milestone was meeting my husband's father's new girlfriend, now fiancé, last November. She's the reason my in-laws divorced after 40+ years of marriage, and now she's going to be a part of the family. It's bizarre. I want to hate her, but she's so nice that it's impossible. I am still holding her at a distance, but it's also causing me to hold my mother-in-law at a distance. My husband probably needs therapy over this whole thing, but I'm sure I need it too, and we both prefer keeping our emotions in and not talking about serious matters. Completely healthy.
Amy has just got her GCSE results. I remember holding her in my arms just after she was born. Now she has GCSE's. It's made me feel old. And proud.
My daughter turned 18 months recently has she as taken off like a rocket in her development. Everyday she seems to have some skill or set of words. It still amazes me how having a daughter just effortlessly meshed with my life. As if she had always been there.
ten years since my Mom died. we had a little ceremony in almost the anniversary. it really was emotional and showed me how we each hold her and her death so differently.
A major milestone was selling my childhood home with my sister and brother. To sell it, it required many hours of hard labor packing up, throwing out, etc. to say nothing of various meetings with the three of us to determine order of tasks at hand and dates for completion. First time I drove by my old childhood home after the buyers moved in, I felt very sad. Sad I can no longer just go in it. The flip side is I'm happy a young family with three kids bought it - play things all over the back yard, they were so very excited to get their dream home. So, this is wonderful that it went to a good family who cherishes all that the house has to offer a loving family.
My 93 year old mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. No, she was not a "smoker". She had a short period of time, probably in the 50's, that she had a cigarette or two with my father (who died of lung cancer at 79). My mother had a little chemo treatment, but she "didn't like it" so much so stopped. She had a round of radiation. After a time when she had another scan, the tumor and reduced significantly; in fact, "no sign of cancer". She kept going to senior aerobics and senior weight training all during her treatment. Since that time, however, she has ceased the aerobic class, and is becoming weaker physically, and remains sharp, drives a little (to her weight training class and to visit my sister), and in general is in good health. The effect on me was minimal, which was surprising. Perhaps because of my meditation practice. I don't know, really. Nevertheless, I stepped up my visits to once a month (as I live 500 miles away) and kept in better contact with my mother even though we are not close. I never felt, nor do I presently feel, attuned with her. I like her, but am not "close". And I am very sorry for that. This entire issue makes me reflect on my relationships with my own sons, and that perhaps the reason that we are not "close" is not so much because of their personal struggles with mental issues, but because of me and my own inability to form an intimate relationship. sigh. I try, Lord knows, I try. And, being a psychotherapist, I am always encouraging my clients to practice strategies that will bring them closer -- to their partners, spouses, friends, children, parents, colleagues -- to everyone! And, it appears, I am somewhat successful in my attempts. Nevertheless, I grieve my own lack of closeness with my adult children. I do reach out, I do encourage, I do ask all the questions I was never asked in order to open the door to a deeper intimacy with them. And I grieve. The response to my mother's illness and my reaction brings me to that time when I was 8 years old and had to be hospitalized (in residential) for 6 months for so-called "allergy" treatment. It was a new idea -- a very bad idea as it turns out -- for the children were placed in a lovely place but away from their families. I vomited every morning for quite a while -- in fact the nurses encouraged the vomiting before breakfast so I didn't disrupt the meal. What do you think about that? The nurses were quite nice and kind. Really. Just uninformed. And did not understand the emotional issues that were lurking behind the medical issues. Even now I tear up thinking of that time when I felt (in retrospect) abandoned and alone. I was popular with the other kids and we laughed and played, my parents came every weekend as they lived just about one mile away, I was not abused nor was I in any physical pain. However, I rocked myself to sleep each night, my bed creaking in the dorm. (I wasn't the only one, by the way.) Psychic Pain. How did that experience impact my life? My life choices? My relationships? We will never know how, or even if, it did. We can spin stories and pathologize the experience and my struggles in life. However, we will never know. My response to my mother's illness may be due to the abandonment at a critical developmental time. Or, perhaps, my response was due to my mother's own abandonment issues that created an emotional disconnect with me, the oldest daughter. I don't know. I'm a therapist and I have always wanted "to know" about the human condition. I love the study. I love the work others do to inform me. Nevertheless, I do know this: we, none of us, know, really know, why we feel the way we feel, why we act the way we act. All we can do is attempt to modify our own behavior even when we do have insight into the causes. We must be ever vigilant to the sensations that precede the behaviors that are based on habit patterns designed to protect our hearts, our basic goodness, the golden buddha, Christ consciousness, heaven within -- our true nature. My mother's response to her own diagnosis is inspirational. She just kept going. That is the lesson. Just keep going. Just keep keepin' on. And remain alert, aware and awake so our behaviors can change, so we can be free.
My brother moved away following his retirement. I am now distant by a plane trip from everyone in my generation and I feel very disconnected.
Our family vacation really helped us come together and bond even more.
My daughter got married. When I first heard about the sudden wedding I was terrified for her. I was afraid she would be taken advantage of again. But I agreed to come for the wedding because whether it was a good thing or a mistake, I needed to be there for her. I was thrilled to discover what a kind and gentle man he was. I could see they truly loved each other. I am filled with hope for her.
Have not had a major milestone, the closest thing would be my niece moving to Atlanta so I don't see her daily and I miss that
My son's girlfriend of 8 years finally relocated to Seattle to be with him. This is enormous. My son is so happy - they are so happy together. I feel very excited for them. I feel it is a new chapter in forming lasting relationships for my adult child. My daughter finally completed her application and was accepted to grad school to study molecular biology. She is also very happy now that she made the decision. I have been very worried about her - she has been working in positions way beyond her skill and ability, feeling dissatisfied with her work environment. She is so talented and so smart, has always had an interest in making the world a better place. This is a major step for her - as my son's settling into a relationship is for him. As a parent I feel that both the children are moving into responsible adulthood and I am proud of them
This past year, my parents celebrated their 25th anniversary. It's really be a positive influence, because I've seen that despite the fights they may get into at times, they still love each other and care about each other. Their relationship may not be perfect, but it's a realistic goal that every relationship should strive to be, and one that I strive for in my own personal life.
Both my kids got off our health insurance and now have their own. They also have their own car insurance. Now all they need to do is move out!
I cannot think of any major milestone that happened with my family this past year. The closest I can think of is Maren's Junior Year of High School. I continue to enjoy her company more as she becomes an adult and love to see her driving her expectations for herself more.
Getting up every day is a major milestone for me. In spite of Rx to try and level my own playing field I am fighting to be as sane and content as I can be. As I age I suffer loss that is inevitable but it is sad and seems to be a setback - rather than a milestone. I face my own mortality and the losses I have experienced within that mindset. Getting closer to 70 has affected me and scares me. Next year in September I will be looking it straight on. The prospect does not allure or entice.
This past year, my family and I dealt with many emotional issues that we did not expect to ever think about again. It's affected my relationship with my family and the time that I spent living at home over the summer. I was relieved to get back into the college environment, but I am still especially grateful for their continuing support.
2015... This past year... I don't think anything major happened. We had a very busy year. My kids are currently 2 and 3... so I guess thats a big milestone. I'm learning everyday, and being pushed to be better everyday. But thats a hard thing to do!
Moved...again. Smaller but nicer place and community. Now if we can afford to stay here. :(
My sister had a baby and I went to help them at Christmas time. I felt I was able to connect with my niece a lot and help them at the same time. It was so nice to have such warmth and oneness with my family. My family was also a rock for me in my breakup. They showed unconditional love and support. They are amazing people and I am truly lucky to have them.
My brother's girlfriend moved in with him. She's the worst. She treats him and my family badly. It's affected me because I don't want to see her or come to family dinners.
My brother and sister-in-law (and their two young boys, my nephew) moved to Boston, over 6 hours away. While the physical distance is not as great as many families face, ours is a very close knit family. The change has taken some real adjustment and creative family gathering ideas. Like all obstacles, we shall overcome.
My youngest son turned 18 and graduated high school and started college. Completion of parenting has brought some freedom and sadness, excitement and reflection, acceptance and rejection.
We bought our first house and this has been an emotional journey. I felt a sense that with God's help something that felt so impossible became a reality. I've forever grateful.
Both my girls are now in public school, and excelling at it. I'm incredibly proud of both of them.
My dad retired, along with his substantially younger wife, after a 40+ year career in an industry he knew and loved well. He's not an old man by any means, and I'm concerned for him, as he was one of the few people I know who truly had a passion for his job and enjoyed going to work every day. He's also one of those people who doesn't like being idle, so I'm also worried about how all of the free time will affect his mental health. He plans on spending most of his time far away from where his children and grandchildren live. Overall, I hope he's happy with his decision and I still get to see him.
My move has cemented my relationship to David. We're in this for the long haul. I do miss the accessability I left behind to my kids, fiends and family. On the other hand, my day-to-day life is happier. I am happier in an urban environment.
New job for my husband and I. Struggling to find balance but amazing opportunity fo4 the family.
I lost my job, so my mom quit hers and move out to L.A. so I could keep living here. I feel rather guilty about it. I also feel miserably inept and incapable of functioning independently. It seems as though my inability to get work constantly uproots and offends my mother's life, which feels like total and utter shit.
Grandmother died in August. I feel like her cancer affected me more than her death, however, in that it made me a better granddaughter. Over the course of her illness, I visited Arizona twice and got to spend time with her before she was too sick. I also called her more often, and mailed her gifts.
My mom moved across the country and in with my sister and her husband for the entire year. She's now days away from moving back across the country. It's been hard. It was really hard to recognize that our relationships have all shifted and changed and that the years and years of damage have torn us all apart more than we wanted to admit. I wish I could say that we had some kind of Ya-Ya Sisterhood experience, that we all came together through the hard truths we learned. But we didn't. If anything, I think we're more fractured than we were before.
I got married after being widowed for 4 years. It was a great milestone and joyous occasion. I am still adjusting to being married to someone other than my late husband--this is a much longer and more challenging process than I expected. I find myself reviewing and recalibrating my identity and connectedness to other people, to my religious affiliation, and to my family. The skills I had at being married to my late husband don't always generalize to this new fellow. It is hard work. I am growing in unanticipated ways.
Both my husband and I underwent sterilization procedures. This put the final nail in the coffin of the oft-asked question "When are you having kids?" We decided before we married 7 years ago that we didn't want children. We both have fraught relationships (or no relationships) with our families, and neither of us has a strong need for children that are biologically ours. For me, it's a massive relief to finally achieve something I've tried to do for decades. I couldn't get the medical establishment to listen to me when I was 27 and wanted to be sterilized permanently. The cultural pressure for women to get pregnant and parent children is enormous, and everyone thought they knew better than me how I felt about parenting.
One year since my cousin went to prison, and the appeal not happening for unknown reasons... Harsh reality that his kids need so much more than they currently get and trying to be involved in their lives without meddling or stepping on anyone's toes. Buying them top trumps and Esio Trot and reading to them to make sure that they LOVE reading in the same way that I do!
My brother moved into an apartment with his girlfriend. This made me happy.
Last week I decided to discontinue speaking with my mother for a time. After engaging in some codependency and sex & love addiction work I realized that my enmeshment and reliance on my mother for validation and support was perhaps part of what was keeping me reverting to my 5 year old behaviors and coping skills every time I was triggered. It's only been a 8 days since I've spoken with her, but I already feel myself learning to rely more on myself and being quiet and present with my own internal resourced instead of expecting my mother to save me from myself. I don't know how long I'll go without contact with her, nor do I know what the outcome of this time apart will be, but I feel hopeful that I will be able to grow up little self up during this time of separation and that our mother-daughter relationship will be restored to one of give and take when we regain contact.
Johnny died. And, at first, I didn't know how to survive it. I cried so hard and for so long that I couldn't come up for air. But then it got a little bit easier and a little bit easier and then I realized it had been a few days since I last cried and then a whole week. I miss him every time I think of him but I won't let grief keep me stuck in the past. He will always be my brother and I will miss him until the day I die. And then, God willing, I will get to say hello again.
It would have to be getting pregnant and managing to stay pregnant. My second little boy is due in just under four weeks. It's affected me emotionally because we didn't think I'd be able to get pregnant after going through cancer treatment. It's affected me quite badly physically - I've developed gestational diabetes and I have severe pelvic girdle pain, which means I can barely walk and need crutches just to help me shuffle around. I feel quite sorry for my husband because the burden of everything has fallen on him yet again. He's having to juggle looking after our son, the housework and me all while working full-time. It's almost a flashback to when I had cancer, except this time it's for a happy reason.
My parents both retired this year after many years of working. They came to this country in 1978--37 years ago--with very little but their education, and their hopes and dreams for a better life in the U.S. They were immediately able to build a better life for themselves, and for me and my sister, putting us in a position to achieve our own goals, something we may not have been able to do back in post-Soviet Russia. My parents worked hard to build themselves a better life and it inspires me keep working hard to match their achievements. I especially admire my dad's diligence as he is not even retiring completely.
My grandmother passed away around Thanksgiving. She was my hero - she was a joyful woman who lead a very full life and she modeled what was important. I miss her but her heart will carry on with me forever.
There are a few. I had a baby; it changed how I interact with everyone in my family. I both appreciate my parents more and can see their failings in much starker relief. I learned that my father has been having a lengthy affair and has plans to leave my mother and I lost a lot of respect for him which is hard because I used to hold him up probably unrealistically high. I don't mind him leaving, as I can see how my mom isn't the partner he needs; I just can't respect him cheating on her, not can I respect him not having the balls to commit to one of these women or the other.
addiction has taken its toll in our family, actual and chosen, creating division and unity, chaos and order, breaking down and bolstering ones sense of right and wrong, ones sense of hope and futility and making clear just how much one does and does not have control over
My brother and sister-in-law are about to have a baby which will significantly change the dynamic of our immediate family. I have some trepidation because I know things can never be what they once were but that is overshadowed by my anticipatory joy at seeing my parents as grandparents and having a new being to love and nurture.
This is a funny question because as a forty-three year old I am supposed to have a family that is "my own" and that would likely be full of milestones. But I'm single and childless and so have fewer milestones (first day of kiddo's preschool, 10 year anniversary, etc.) I suppose the major milestone this full year was Mum and Dad's 50 anniversary last October 17th and the attendant celebrations. Really am very very grateful to them for loving each other as much as they do, and for sticking it out through thick and thin. And it was a total treat to see them honored and appreciated as they were during the State-side celebrations in Ardmore at Thanksgiving. Not many friends of mine can celebrate their parents in this way, and I am truly lucky. The older I get, the more I realize it, and the more I want to ensure that I make each moment count with them.
I officially went off my parents' dole this year. Other than a couple incidentals and my phone bill, I was really paying my own way in the world. I had my own credit card, managed my health insurance, and managed my own finances by myself throughout most of the year (although, of course, my dad did my tax return and I'm now living rent-free with my parents now that I'm in between jobs). This new normal, of paying my own way, has made me more willing to spend money because I earned it (with the help of society, of course) and I know what my budget is every month. At the same time, it's caused me to turn to my parents a bit more, since there are just more decisions to make with a larger budget. I feel stuck in between the super-flexible, free-food-loving college version of myself and the mature, able-to-pay-a-bill professional version. There are aspects of both in me, of course, but I'm interested to see how much of the college ethos I lose in the next few years.
My father recently identified as a feminist. This reality was unthinkable to me just a couple of years ago. We spent about five years fighting about the worth of women, and as the only female in the family (my mother passed when I was a teenager) it was a fight that I had to go into alone. As a result of my insistence of my worth, and the worth of all women, I've been able to imagine my life with men as helpful partners, not antagonizers. I even met a guy that thinks the same.
My father and his second wife split up. Dad now has more cognitive and physical ailments but continues to live on his own on Galiano. I am grateful that both he and my Mom are gracious about getting older.
I am going through a divorce and it is the right thing. I feel like a weight has been lifted, but I feel spat out into the world again.
I am not sure we had any major milestones this year. We are the average family, plodding along, trying to make positive changes, learning to be resilient, doing our best to demonstrate love and kindness. We fail sometimes. We disappoint; and we forgive. Would it all be easier if - We had more $ ? - We had family nearby? - We had made less mistakes in our youth? I don't know if I believe that anymore. I think life might be one single day at a time and what you decide to do with it. Perhaps I am getting into a mid-life crisis. :) If so, it's not so bad.
My mom was diagnosed with Cancer in November. My father also retired. This has affected me in that I think I worry more about my parents getting older - I never worried about this before. Maybe i did- but I felt like as they got older, whatever age they were at was no longer old. But soon we'll celebrate many great milestones- including their 69th birthdays and their 50th wedding anniversary. And they couldn't get to these moments if they weren't aging. I just can't bear to think that one day I'll have to let go - and that day is approaching faster than ever. I truly do believe I'll be a basketcase when this day comes and I dont think I'll be able to move on. I worry about that day. But I dont let it overshadow how excited I am for these merry milestones.
Our daughter got into private middle school. It deeply affected me because I'm so acutely aware of her aging - growing up - needing more independence. I'm feeling nostalgic for a time I'm currently experiencing. So this milestone affected me with pride and with sadness - and inspired me to take action (mommy/daughter trip to DC) - and creates a mindfulness every time she asks me to braid her hair, or snuggle, or help her with something. The love is so big between us. She is such a special person. I feel so grateful to be the mother to these kids - and I suppose it affected me because I've debated if I should have JUST ONE MORE kiddo to make this magical parenting thing last that much longer. But I think it wouldn't be best for our marriage or for our family - and there are signs telling me that everywhere. But still... I grapple.
Youngest son off to college. Empty nest. Fear of how it would be before he left affected me negatively. Even though I have a great profession felt no anchor, no purpose, without direction. Biggest regret is my fears caused upset with my son before he left. Behind us now and both my boys keep in touch. I survived. Realize can be open for opportunities that will present in future
I think the major milestone in my family this year would be Chris's 50th birthday (and Kovalum's 16th). It was really neat to see my Dad respond by buying a plane ticket to go see them. I've been encouraging people in my family to keep inviting - detach from the outcome - just keep focusing on doing your part. And it's working!
My wife and I made a big move to another state. This was a huge milestone for us as a couple and has impacted us in a very positive way.
In a reversal of the usual generational roles, I taught my mother and several of her friends to play mah jongg. They now have a weekly group, which has been both fun and beneficial for my mom (who is getting kinda bored with retirement and needs more social/intellectual stimulation!) I played with them whenever I had a free Tuesday during the summer.
My mother returned to her husband, my stepfather, after leaving him almost a year prior. This I found difficult in some ways. I had been supportive of her decision to leave him, though worried about her being alone, as she grows older and I live far away and have no siblings. When she returned this year, I felt a combination of disappointment - plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose - and selfish relief that the problem of what to do about an aging person from thousands of miles away would not be presenting itself so acutely.
There have been no major family milestones this year that come to mind.
My husband began his residency and thereby his journey as an official doctor. I have learned so much from him about what it means to be content - because despite the grueling schedule, low pay, and oftentimes annoying colleagues, he will often say that he is in the best place, and that he is happy, and that he wouldn't change a thing. Yet, at the same time, he's ambitious and motivated to be the best. He has such a high level of character and so much to teach me.
We bought a house together and are moving in together. It was wonderful and scary at the same time. Yet I stayed calm through it all, most of the time.
I'm not sure what qualifies as a "major milestone." We took our canoe out on its maiden voyage- that was exciting! We're celebrating 20 years of marriage- very cool and exciting to hit that milestone!
My husband and I celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary. There were no big fanfares, we celebrated it with our daughters, sons in law and grandchildren. They told us when to be ready and took care of the entire day. The day was an emotional one, as our family made us feel so special and loved. Not that they don't usually, but the effort they went to was something that we had not expected -''it was óne out of the box''. Our older granddaughter made a video with our favourite song playing through it, photos of all of the family, and included written greetings from everyone. It was beautiful. Our anniversary reinforced yet again, that no matter what hardships one goes through, family is at the core of everything we do.
My cousin Steven got married. We all thought his younger brother Matthew would be the first married (well, until he and Michaela broke up) and that Steven would never marry. So that was a big surprise. They made the wedding adult only and it was really the first time I was forced to think of myself as being an adult. It was, quite honestly, terrifying. The wedding was a blast though!
My daughters had a shared B'not Mitzvah. The experience made me much more confident in my Jewish knowledge and identity.
My youngest daughter graduated from Tufts University this spring. She got excellent grades but she doesn't seem to have much motivation. She may just be lost with the big change this has created in her life. She has always been such a straight arrow, so motivated and so loving and kind. Now she is such a militant feminist and I regret paying for her to go to a school that taught her to be so angry and judgmental. The changes in her life have disappointed me and I am having a very difficult time liking and associating with her right now.
My mother-in-law died in October 2014, and that's the first immediate family member for me or my husband. Hopefully the last one for a long time. It made me a lot more paranoid? about my own parents, especially my dad, and his various illnesses. I think it's made me value my time with them and my father-in-law more than I might have before.
My Parents devorce shit got worse. I had to talk to a court appointed therapist a few times but it wasnt a huge deal. But now their custady shit is finally coming to an end, and absolutely nothing about my living situation is going to change. Perfect.
Dad died. Discovered mortality. Slapped in the face. Now all the parents are over 80 so can only expect more of the same. All our friends are facing the same reality. We are becoming the outer skin of the onion. It is now time to get the things done that we have dreamed of and imagined.
This past year my husband and I were able to buy a home. This was a major accomplishment for us because 6 years ago we were in a bad financial state and ultimately lost our home. Owning a home again was important; however, it's symbolic of us repairing both our finances and our relationship, the latter of which was seriously tested during that time.
I realized I am all alone! My best friend is in lalaland & I am all alone I'm ok for now
After the death of my father 18 years ago, the extended family on my Dad's side had become extremely disconnected. I'd like to think that my wedding really brought some of us back together again. It's been nice having them back in my life.
My nephew and his family moved to Germany for 3 years. My 4 little nieces will be almost 10 when they return and the oldest will be 16. Thank God for Facebook and Skype.
A major milestone that has happened to my family this year. Is planning and celebrating my brother's Bar- Mitzvah. It was sooo much fun seing him so happy and proud. He put a lot of hard work in to his preperation and it for sure payed off. My parents, especially my dad worked super hard to plan the perfect ceremony. It was amazing and it for sure payed off. This affected me, because it raised the bar for my standards for my big day. Also, I loved seing the joy in my brother's eyes when he was done and was so proud of himself. I have never been more proud of my big brother.
Dad suddenly collapsing and ending up having a pacemaker while I was helpless on the other side of the world and mum was trying to cope on her own. It all has made me realise how vulnerable they are. It has also made me realise how lucky I am, not only to have both my parents still, but to have such good friends that would step in in my place.
My son and I reconciled and I was able to become great friends with my grandson.
My sister moved to Cincinnati to start her first, real, post-college career move/life. I caused me to reflect on what my life will be like after college, and whether I will be successful at even finding a job
Grandma Van passing away is a big deal....though it hasn't just hit me in one go. It's taking days and time to absorb what life means without her. I just keep missing her. She was such a ray of sunshine. Can't wait to grow up to be like her. That's the best way I can think to keep sharing her light. There's just no way to describe her accurately in words to people - to get her, you had to be in her presence, feel loved by her. That's what she was really good at. Making people feel genuinely loved without pretense. Man I hope I can do that.
My grandmother passed away this summer, and as was the case with my grandfather's death I was not there with my family to go through it with them. To not be there at the hospital with them to take care of her, and to be able to share in he burden of dealing with a death of a loved one, was very hard for me. Even though I was able to make it home for the funeral, it was such a short trip that I didn't really feel like I was a part of the whole story of her death. I often feel selfish when I think about the decisions I have made to live far away from my family (though San Francisco is much closer than Kenya) as I know that it inevitably means I see them much less and the relationships change. For my grandmother in particular, I was never very good at calling her and keeping in touch. To be honest, I'm not sure if I could pinpoint the last time I spoke to her before I called to say goodbye. I know that my family is incredibly supportive of my decision to live where I do, and it is important to me to live in new places and experience new things, but I do wish that it was easier to spend more time with my family and to show them how much I appreciate and need their support and love. Even though it has been very sad for me to lose my last grandparent, I can't imagine how hard it has been on my father to lose both of his parents in the past year. I think that in a strange way, the two deaths have brought my immediate family closer together as we work through the sadness and learn to let go.
My mom moved out of the condo she's lived in since I graduated from high school. Although I only truly lived there for a summer there is comfort and familiarity in it being my mother's home, that I have known and felt a place in for 15 years. Her new home is far from the places where I grew up and will change how I travel when I visit. I will not be going "home" in the same way, I'll be visiting family which feels very different. I live in Minnesota and my mother in New Jersey. Not being there to help her pack and move and cope with the anxiety made me sad. I'm very happy for her new opportunity but I feel a strong impulse to try to take care of her.
Milestones within my family...none? The lesbian couple who'd been living rent-free in my guest bedroom moved out, and we miss each other but it's nice that one of them is now making enough money that they can hopefully make a go of it living on their own. And the homeless guy living in my other spare room finally got a job and got his car legalized, which is really good for him. Me, I finally have a girlfriend. So if you define "family" broadly enough, yes, just the past few months have been very milestoney.
Nate and I were finally able to go to London! It was a hell of a trip - everything that could have possibly gone wrong did. We missed flights, lost a car rental reservation, had to revamp our entire trip, I got heat stroke in Paris... but none of it mattered. Because Nate and I were together. I have never been more happy in all my life. I was in my favorite place with my favorite person. After 9 years of marriage, we finally got a honeymoon. We are closer now than ever before. I love him with all that I am.
My older bro and sister-in-law are pregnant! So exciting. I can't wait. I hope we will have enough funds to be able to shout and treat him/her. I hope and will work towards keeping close family ties.
My eldest child is in kindergarten. I am somewhat bereft of the intimate relationship I had with her daily activities now she gets on a bus in the morning and returns to me in the afternoon with a head full of someone else's ideas. This is, I'm afraid, just the beginning.
none update: actually grandmom moved out and is selling her home where i lived for many years. hasn't affected me.
After fifteen years of being stuck in an abusive marriage with a mean, mad, controlling, ill-wishing abusive husband, I left! I had waited for this move for a long time, and it's been a huge, blessed relief. I AM FRRRRRREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
I am actively trying to prevent a major family milestone, that being divorce. It's easy to blame others, and disruptive to acknowledge my own contributions to the situation at hand. It is certainly adding to my overall guilt and laziness to recognize how muich necessary work I'm not doing.
Retirement! So far it is going well- fears unjustified. a whole new life opening up before us. An amazing new vista. But it's also forcing a new look at myself - what do I want to be/ what do I want to do now that I can do anything (almost)?
My dad passing away was the one thing that threw my entire family into a spiral. He was the anchor and we didn't realize how much. I feel more responsible for my mother and my own life now. Which does mean that I am making wiser decisions with money and life in general. I am really hoping to get married soon because I realize how much having a family means to me now. My relationship with my sister isn't the best right now and I hope that gets better.
Both kids are gone! Such a weird experience. I felt like I was missing a limb for about the first two weeks, but then something different sets in. It's a weird and lovely and euphoric sense of freedom. Like, I can eat cereal for dinner if I want, or watch whatever shit television I want, or walk around in my skivvies without scrutiny. And although I still worry, it's a totally different kind of worry. This has been HUGE for my relationship with my husband. The biggest thing since moving in together.
Therese has moved to VA and been there for more than a year. This has been huge for her, and for her relationship with the kids. Obviously, since I'm less than 20 miles away from them, I'm closer and see and talk to them more than she does. She also has been estranged from her daughter in some sense of the word-they don't talk often, and when they do, it's a stilted and formal conversation. For me, it's meant that I've been self-sufficient in every way, and had the chance to find my own rhythms and priorities. The conclusion of my relationship with JoAnna has been an extension of that, because her constant virtual companionship is something I've grown used to, and its absence has left a void. I hear myself and my thoughts more, which is good.
My grandmother passed away. It was much more profound for me than I thought it would be. My grandfather passed away a couple of years ago, and I barely cared. But losing her was one of the worst losses I've ever experienced. My other grandfather was the other worst one...we were very close. But he was sick for so long and I was fairly young. This was different...I'm still grieving. I'm not sure when it will end.
Honestly, I've been lucky to have minimal family drama (read: milestones) this year. My family has been good about leaving me alone. I'm a recluse. This past June, my family and I spent a weekend on a lake in Washington State to celebrate my little cousin's college graduation. Though my cousin (hilariously) refused to stay with us or spend any time together, we were all stuck. I spent a lot of time alone, smoking perfectly rolled joints—legally!—in some of the most beautiful natural spaces I've ever experienced. The colors—all cool tones of emerald and cerulean—were indescribable. Although solitude is my preference, I was so turned off by my family's bickering, infighting, and judgemental double-standards; I was hiding to avoid them. It was like my eyes suddenly opened to the true character of my family—who, up until then, I had practically worshipped—and it was something I did not want to be a part of. I like peace and acceptance. So now, I feel strongly about spending less time with my extended family. I love each and every one of them and cherish my heritage, but I no longer am looking forward to holiday gatherings, our family's legendary parties, or reunions.
My daughter is growing up. I wish to spend as much time as I can with her or else she will be too big to realize and be on her own.
My sister passed away March 9, 2009. On the anniversary of her death I always weigh my current feelings against the depth of raw pain of losing her early that morning. In six years it's gotten a little better, but I still can't look at a photograph of her without experiencing waves of sorrow. So, there are only small photographs of her in my home -- photos that require my reading glasses to see clearly. I still ache for a conversation or a laugh and contemplate, yet again, all the things I could have done differently.
My family hasn't had any milestones per se.
My brother maintained sobriety for a year. This affected me as it was a huge relief. It was the first time he has come to grips with his problem, gotten sober, and stayed sober for any length of time. I was proud of him, and am still proud of him. I just wish we were closer, and that he would call me once in a while, but he never does.
Nephew turned 10. Made me thing that time is rushing and I'm on the losing end being bled out (if time can be such a construct) but it's not something emotionally gripping.
My grandfather´s cancer. I have to see him his Christmas
I described this in question one with my eldest daughter being diagnosed with an eating disorder.
It is now two and a half year's since Nick's death, and one year since our marriage. No milestones, no changes but the sense that time is passing ever more quickly and the road ahead is shorter and shorter.
Sister-in-law finished nursing school. It gives me a little more hope that my brother and his family might be more financially stable and be able to do more with their kids. I admire my brother for doig what he's done in running his own business, but it has not been financially successful. I think the 2nd income will be good for them.
My child started attending a new school that is closer to where I live. I am no longer driving two-plus hours several days a week, which has opened up a lot of time. I'm not sure that I'm really taking advantage of that time yet...still just enjoying the freedom.
We had a baby this year. Although it has not always been the easiest transition for us as a couple and for our daughter, adding him to our family has made our lives that much richer. We are a foursome and it's wonderful. I am getting much less sleep though.
My family is weird. Once my sister had her kid a few years back I kind of became invisible to my parents. This allowed me a lot of reflecting time. I came to the conclusion that neither really cared in the way that they professed to, and that was a bit disheartening. It's a lonely feeling to realize that there is no fallback place, but I guess most people realize that earlier in life? Or maybe their parents are less flawed. I don't harbor resentment. Hell, I'm a mess myself and lord knows I do tons of selfish shit purely out of fear, but it does disappoint. I suppose the biggest one of these is that my father, who's never lived anywhere else in his 56 years, moved across the country on a whim, and I didn't really find out till I texted him on Father's day. It doesn't really bother me (we only saw each other 2 times a year at most despite living in the same city), but it does illustrate the situation well I think. I know relationships are a two way street, but I'm not going to pound my head against a wall if I don't find the return rewarding I guess. Perhaps that's callous. I know I'm not easy to keep a relationship with anyway.
The serious decline in my dad's health has affected my family and I greatly. My mom is stressed and often angry, and my dad is just so very tired. We've tried to come together through this - and I feel lucky to have been able to help get mom connected to a care giver support group and a care attendant. But she's frustrated, and he's frustrated, and every one is just a little sad. I'm trying to really enjoy the time that we do have together - just spending time and being with dad as much as possible.
We bought a new house and it has made us (me and my wife Julie) very happy. It has given us things to do (it is 5 acres) outside all the time. We really love the country. We are very lucky.
I can't think of a milestone. It's been a drudge of a year. Is it a milestone to chip away at the small things, and recognize a small dent achieved in the heap by the end of the year? That's a hard thing to do, when you are doing it. Lots of easy things, piled on top of each other, lots of small meaningless things, that all have to be achieved and conquered, and that together all amount potentially to a significant something?
My mother turned 70 and my sister and I were able to treat her to a luxury beach getaway for a full week, where I had the time and resources to focus on quality time with her. She knows how much her daughters love and respect her and it made me proud that we'd transitioned our relation so smoothly. I was happy to look after her and her needs. I discovered deeper how we're very much the same person by values and principles, even if we differ in our lifestyle and our way of worship. I will grow into her one way, with gratitude to my mom for everything I am and have.
I was ok with my Bubbie dying, on a rational level. She lived to be 97, and most of those years were amazing. She was married for 73 years to Zayde, and they were amazing together. She'd been sick for several years, and it was emotionally so difficult for every one of us to see her that way. On the rational, upside, her suffering was over. But I'm still sad she died. I miss her, and most importantly, Zayde misses her. He's been widowed after 7 decades! That's insane. Mostly, it's affected me in how I interact with Zayde, I'd say. I'm sad for him, sorry for him, and as a (young) widow, I have tremendous empathy for him.
I am pregnant. I got pregnant during a very stressful time professionally, and we'd been trying for a while, so I was taken by surprise. I wasn't happy at first, even though it was a very much wanted pregnancy. On the plus side, it's been lovely to see my daughter connect with this pregnancy and the "baby" in a way that I don't really - she fully personifies my belly and wants to take care of it, as if my belly were the fully formed baby. It makes her both want to be care taker and need a little extra care herself. At the same time, I've had to make modifications to how I can take care of her, and what I need my partner to do, which has been surprisingly (to me - not to anyone else) challenging.
my son succeeded in his first year away at school, on his own, and, he became more comfortable and accepting of himself. this has given me peace, wisdom, happiness and hope.
My younger daughter, who works in theatre in New York, earned her Actor's Equity card and worked on her first Broadway show! To say that we were proud of her is an understatement; we were busting with pride! Fortunately, we got to go to New York and see it just before its premature close. While we were thrilled to see it (and it WAS a beautiful production), she was devastated by the loss.
Our first grandchild was born this year. She's two months and three weeks old today. I say it is "our" grandchild and that's truly the way I see it, even though this is the child of my wife's daughter and her husband and I don't have a biological relationship to the baby. It's kind of interesting being a grandfather and it not happening through my son or daughter, but I love this little girl nonetheless. I wish she and her parents were closer so we could see her and them more, but that's not the case right now, so we'll see her when we can and hope for more!
We bought another house and became landlords. It makes me feel very adult in some ways, and in other ways I can't believe this is my life. I feel like I'm waiting for the real adults to swoop in and tell me what to do. We now have waaaaaay more real estate experience than either of our parents.
I am a new Mom this year. It's completely shifted my focus. I don't come first anymore. The needs of mom, sister, husband, etc. all come second. Leah's needs come first. She is my light. Now for the coming year, I need to work on balance. As she needs me a little less, my husband and I need to capture more couples time.
A couple of months ago my younger brother turned 16 and got his driver's license. While not necessarily a big event or milestone, per se, it's symbolic for us in that it feels like all of the kids in our family are pretty grown up. In the same vein, this year -- and particularly this summer -- has been the first time I've ever had a relationship with my younger brother in which he felt closer to a peer than a little kid. He's taller than me now, unfortunately, and I feel like I can talk to him like he's more or less my age. I'm proud of the way in which I feel like I've really stepped into a big brother role with him this year. I'm proud of how he's really stepped out of his comfort zone in high school to become passionate about Evergreen and TACT, and proud of how he seems to love Northwestern. It's a relationship that I really want to continue to cultivate as he gets older and more mature.
Wow... I feel like there haven't been any milestones... is that good or bad? My husband and I split over a year ago, so my 2014 10Q included that "milestone." And now a few months (or maybe weeks!) from finalizing our divorce, it still seems like there haven't been any real noteworthy events in the past 12 months. A lot of intangible, personal growth, I suppose. The admission both private and public that I'm no longer in love with the person I thought I would love forever. A first first date in nine years. A first SECOND date in nine years (go me!). But those don't feel like milestones. Just markers of personal growth. My son continues to be awesome and strong and beautiful. He has begun reading. But while he seems to grow and change daily, he is like me. Growing in small but important personal ways. But that can be a good place for both of us to be!
We had a major death in my family this year, one that was incredibly tragic and untimely. My father's cousin and his wife lost their younger daughter, Ally. Ally was on a study abroad program in New Zealand. Ally loved the outdoors, and one weekend went on a long hike with some friends. A storm struck during the hike, and Ally and her friends were separated. Ally was missing for just over a week, and her body was eventually found in the river. She had been swept under by the river when the storm caused it to flood, and drowned. She was 20 years old, just a few weeks shy of her 21 birthday. Ally lived more in her 20 years than many of us live in a lifetime. She had a zest for life and a love of all creatures. She was one of the good ones, and I still cannot believe that she is gone. There was a significant age and geographical distance between us, so we were never close, but family is family, and my heart aches to think of how her parents and sister must endure this void for the rest of their lives. Her family made a website in Ally's memory: http://www.livelikeally.com/. I look at it periodically. It has the eulogies from her funeral, information about her life and death, and information about the causes in which she believed. She had an inmate pen pal, and worked to motivate and strengthen younger girls, and loved animals. We should all strive to live more like Ally did--we never know when one day will be our last. Ally's life and death have inspired me to try to Live Like Ally. Ally didn't want to sleepwalk through life, and I do not want to either--although it is so easy to, once you get into the daily grind of work, home, work, home. I am now regularly reminding myself to be more awake, to be more aware, to be kinder to people--it doesn't always work, but intention is the first step, is it not?
We had a huge family crisis that made me feel like a blind person might feel alone in the desert. We are trying to work it through and so far it's all good. But the process is so damn painful and I am so damn powerless about what direction it goes.
Not sure a family milestone but a personal one. I turned 57. I don't know why this really seems like a major milestone. I had never thought about my age but now I keep thinking I must have calculated wrong. I do the math- it's 2015, I was born in 1958. 2015 minus 1958 is 57. I AM 57. It doesn't make any sense.
My daughter got engaged and is planning her wedding. I am both excited and sad. It is wonderful she has found her lifelong partner. It is sad that she will not be moving back to this area.
There have been three big milestones in my family this year: my marriage and my sister's and sister-in-law's pregnancies. Tamar is having a boy! Stacey is having a girl! I am married! So much nachus. My marriage has changed my life in every single way. I am so happy, so fulfilled, so joyful, that even when I'm frustrated with or angry at Adam, I'm happy. Fulfilled. Complete. I used to sneer at people who say that their loved one completes them, because weren't they complete people beforehand? Isn't that, essentially, what their Other found desirable in the first place? But I get it now. Adam doesn't complete my person, he makes my heart full. I feel no emptiness, no holes in my heart. There are spaces the memories of my parents' live, but those aren't holes because those memories are so precious to me. I don't ache for children of my own because my heart is complete. If that happens, I'm sure a new part of my heart will unlock and I'll feel an entirely new level of love and Complete but for now I'm so happy and full of love that I don't need that, don't yearn for it. I can fully celebrate the upcoming December additions to our families with only joy. My sisters are having babies. My marriage is solid. Life is good.
I think the major milestone this year belongs to me. In January I turned 70. Seventy! How did this come to be? Turning 60 was not so bad. Sixty doesn't sound old (except to children and teenagers) But 70 does sound old and while I've been in a kind of denial the past decade, saying "I'm not old" , maybe a little "oldish". It now occurs to me that perhaps I have joined the community of the aged. Both my mother and grandfather died at age 73. And I'd thought of them as old, although I'm not sure that they thought of themselves that way. So, I'm dealing with this new milestone. The funny thing is, I don't really feel any different inside. I feel like I did at 18 or 25 or 50. Sometimes, I let my inner child come out and go ahead and be childlike. I don't do it in the company of others so much--I must now consider the danger of being thought senile. There are a few more aches and pains. There are a few issues with coordination or vision sometimes. As compensation, I occasionally "play the old card". Carry out service with groceries, yard work, home improvement. Just sometimes. I'll check in next year to see how the second half of 70 has gone.
My father died. He was the center of our immediate and extended family and we all came together to be with him in the weeks before he died and afterwards. For me, my mother and my sisters it was an intimate time, with free expressions and love and dependence - we were all more open and more heartfelt than we usually allow ourselves to be. We took care of each other as we took care of him. It made me realize how extraordinarily lucky I was. even as I suffered a heartbreaking and profound loss.
A major milestone has been the kids living away. Hannah in New Zealand for six months and Daniel "moving" Brooklyn. Seems as if they are really out of the house and on their own (even though Hannah spent the summer at home which was nice). It seems one step more removed than being in college, but we are adapting and learning how to communicate -- never the less, a little lonely.
The kids are getting older. S^1 is in 1st grade now. She is now moving forward. They all challenge us each day.
My parents continue to experience health problems. I have known for a long time that their failure to live a healthy lifestyle means that their lives will probably be shorter than they would otherwise have to be. But only recently has it begun to occur to me that the end of their lives might be drawing near. Earlier this year, I made the decision to go home for Thanksgiving. It will be the first time I have been home for Thanksgiving in the 20 years I have lived in California and almost 3 years since I have been home at all.
We added our third child, our first son. Our family feels fuller, not sure if we're complete quite yet, though.
I don't want to make a milestone out of a molehill, so I'll just leave it at being thankful that all has been well with my family in the past year - no major upsets. The good news is that my relationship with my daughter improved - we were on good terms before - we're closer now.
There were two - my niece moved to California to live with her dad. For me, it's nice to have her closer so I can know here as an adult. But I think the move has continued to cause a rift between her and my sister - my niece is a bit immature in her interactions with people still and doesn't see the pain she inflicts when she doesn't think about others. The other is in the family I thought I was building with my now ex-fiance. It's over and done and I'm devastated, hurt and in misery. Still, I am trying to climb out of it and rebuild myself.
We are doing really well! My dad and brother spent every day for a month teaching me how to drive and that time spent together really bonded me with them. I feel like I love my family more every day.
Having my son Asher is definitely a major milestone. My husband and I had been trying to have a baby for a couple years. Now that he's here it's crazy and good and lots of things at once. It's like people describe and yet completely different because it's happening to me. And it's so new for me. There's a lot of change and adjustment, which makes me both uncomfortable and happy. It didn't occur to me that the new changes would still be changes and sometimes changes are hard. But change is also often good, you just have to get through the discomfort first.
My brother moved in with me, rescued a dog, and then moved out. My brother and I were able to bond more and really enjoy each other's company. We were also able to find out more about each other. I learned that I can live with someone (meaning everything isn't my fault as I have thought in the past) AND how much I miss my brother when he is gone. Since he left, however, we have talked at least weekly and he has taken an interest in some of my past studies... I am so proud of him!
In reference to my answer to this question in 2014 about my dad losing his job, this August he finally started a new job. He seems to be really happy there and I know that he feels a lot better knowing that he can support the family financially now that he is working again. Another thing that also happened is that my maternal grandmother lived with us for a majority of the summer. She and Howard got into a big fight which has sadly led to divorce. Even though my grandmother is not the best person, I know that she has been through a lot lately for being 80 years old. Even though she was a burden, she is still family and we must always help family out when they are in need. Because in the end, your family is all that you really have. I have learned to appreciate my family so much more than I already have this year. I love them so much.
Granny died two weeks ago. I know you're not supposed to pick favorite grandparents, but she was mine. I spoke at her funeral and cried. Other women telling me that I inspired them to create meaningful relationships with their grandparents makes me feel better.
I think the major milestone has been that I have decided that other people in my family need to be responsible for themselves and their own happiness. My marriage is hanging by a thread and my husband is bipolar. Our child is challenging but he makes everything so dramatic and annoying when it is not necessary. I cannot be parenting both my child and my husband. Almost eighteen years of this. That is a milestone.
Mi matrimonio implicó un cambio de vida para todos, en ocasiones me cuesta trabajo darme cuenta de mi nueva vida y desprenderme de mis padres, y creo que a ellos les pasa lo mismo.
Well, i talked about this Day 1. I got engaged! Another milestone though is that Alberto and i moved in together! it definitely requires communication and patience and understanding and concerted effort to keep passion alive and not take each other for granted, but I think it's all worth it. Also, mom got diagnosed with cancer. they removed it. she should be clear. we find out in a year....
Honestly, the major milestone was that i spent most of my summer away from my family. This obviously affected me because even though wherever I was I was often homesick, when I got back to school I was less homesick because I was so used to being away. I learned to be more independent, and it doesn't even really feel like I had a summer because I spent most of it either in a country with no friends, or working literally 24/7. I think it brought me further from my family, but at the same time closer, because it is what I need at this age.
Some time in January, my sister called. It was 4am her time, 2am mine. And she had a gun to her head. My sister is 17 years my senior and it's taken a while for us to get to a point in our relationship where we view each other as equals and could really talk to each other. I spent most of my life viewing her as an additional parent and for a long time, I was the baby. The night she called me, it was significant because after 25 years, our roles reversed. She was depending on me. She called me first. And though panicked and worried, I was honored. She called me because she believed I could help her and that kind of trust has rarely been explicitly given to me because I'm the youngest. It was a wake up call, literally and figuratively, on all fronts. It made me realize how little our family communicates and how when we do, it's ineffective. It made me realize how each of us desperately needed our family as a source of support, but how we felt like we couldn't reach out. It also made me realize how much we could love each other but rarely show it. At least in the ways we each need most. And it really challenged me to be there for her, in a way that she needed most. A sister, friend, supporter. It also reminded me that our heroes are often human too. It didn't make me respect her any less though. If anything, her willingness to be vulnerable in that moment showed how strong she can be; yes, she was on the verge of self-harm, but she also thought to pick up the phone and ask for help. How many people have the strength to do that? And for that, she is still my hero. For in a moment of weakness, she is still one of the strongest person I know and still managed to teach me something.
My family is small, and so there have been no major milestones. We have moved forward in calm progression. Calm and content is underrated in this world. Life is good.
My youngest sister turned 18 in July and graduated from high school this last week. I can't believe how quickly the time has gone by since she started in 2010, which was also the year I graduated. It seems like 2010 wasn't all that long ago until I realise how much my life has changed in that time. Lauren has grown into a real person now, and we have become good friends over the last couple of years. I am so excited for her to start the next phase of her life and I hope it meets her expectations.
My youngest cousin got married this past year. I'm very happy for my family. It makes me think about myself and how I am not yet married and no where near it currently as I ended the longest relationship of my life a short time ago. I was anxious about having to start over and begin another journey to find the love of my life.
Again, the death of my mother. This is one of the deepest emotional things I have ever gone through. It will affect me for the rest of my life. I cannot believe I don't have a mother any more. A physical mother. It is just a weird feeling.
My son graduated college in May of this year with a degree in environmental engineering with honors. The prior November, he was offered and accepted a position with a local environment engineering firm, and full 6 months before graduating. I'm extremely proud of him and his accomplishments.
I bought my house and while it was hard at first, it affected everything positively in my life. The kids and Pia come more often and I am proud of what I have accomplished.
My daughter has had many challenges in her 24 years, not least of which is overcoming her grief at the loss of key family members, dealing with bullying and also substance abuse. She was employed in a poorly-paid retail job and generally lacking direction. She has always had a passion for food and cooking and to her parents it seemed obvious that she should be pursuing this as a career, but she wouldn't commit. Then, she attended a four day course to get her focussed on "what's worth doing, and who's it worth doing it with?" This was the start of the turnaround. she dealt with a lot of her demons and felt confident enough to undertake a professional cooking course. At the end of the course the school hired her as an Assistant, and she progressed quickly to becoming one of the teachers, trusted to run corporate events singlehandedly. She has just accepted a new position with a very high-profile cooking school, a job she went after with no external help. Her commitment and confidence is now out of all recognition to the girl you would have met just a year ago. As a parent this has a). been very gratifying and b). resulted in a lot less stress
Only that another year went by with minimal contact with my family. While I feel a bit sad about this, I know that it's allowed me to continue to heal, to grow stronger, to have more of a sense of who I am, to criticize myself less.
I've been lucky to have very healthy grandparents, and this year they are finally starting to show their age - one set moved into semi-assisted living, and my other grandmother has had surgery for cancer. I haven't had to deal with the death of a close family member yet, and I know I will before too long, so their life changes have reminded me of that.
My Dad's 80th birthday. It has made me more anxious and fearful for my parents' mortality, and the pain of my geographical distance from them is more acute and sharply felt.
Quite recently, we have been at a loss for money. A lot of our household utilities have been breaking. Our dryer was the first to break, leaving me without a way to do laundry. The second thing to break recently was our fridge. A really foul smell, would waft through the house each time you opened the fridge. After a little investigation, we found that our fridge wasn't actually cooling anything, so a lot of food had gone bad. Luckily, the fridge was fixed. Unfortunately, we are still without a functioning dryer or much money.
A major milestone was my daughter finishing eighth grade and moving into high school. I don't know exactly how I had pictured it, but probably not as fraught with the issues which occurred -- moving to a new school for the year, eventually refusing to participate in graduation exercises or the class trips and celebrations. I'm sorry that Phoebe will never have those days back -- I'm sorry that I couldn't come up with a better proactive approach towards dealing with the long white dress issue which I htink was a strong contributing stressor for her -- I question my ability to parent her correctly --
I found out that my husband had cheated on me. Not only that, but while he was out with this other woman he got stopped for a DUI. It rocked my world. Here I was with a two year old baby & I found out that he had been lying and betraying me. I was so angry and upset. It Has taken the past nine months for me to even begin to understand and forgive him. We have worked hard on our marriage and we refuse to give up. In the end, he has been able to spend a lot of time home with us and with my daughter especially. This experience has taught me a lot, and although incredibly painful, has brought us closer at the same time.
Death and dying. My mom died in July. A week later, our little cat Furlough was so ill we had to put her to sleep. Friends have unexpectedly died. Another friend has (terminal?) cancer. I hope I have been and will be compassionate, supportive, and provide whatever they need. Dying is a journey into the unknown and I'm curious what my own end will look like.
My sister screwed up her life and I ended up helping her back on her feet...again. In and out of jail, quit her job, got evicted. My nephew lived with me during it all. It was hell for 5 months. I'm glad I got to be there, for Jake. But honestly, not for her. This has happened before—7 months last time. She's had enough free rides from me. I'm glad she's gone. I didn't leave the situation thinking "I'm so happy I got to help someone." I left it thinking "I realize my sister is a selfish person, and I don't want to associate with that. I love her, but she is not someone I trust or want a close relationship with. I'm done helping her." I'm there for those boys. I'm there for my nephews. For that, I am glad. I got so close to Jake because of this, and learned we are such kindred spirits. I am glad for that experience and hope we both keep that spark as he grows older.
The 9th anniversary of my mother's death. That is hard to contemplate. How could she be gone that long. On the other hand, it seems she has been gone through the years I needed her most. It makes me sad. Very sad.
My son learning to walk and talk. He was definitely on the late side, so it was a relief that nothing was wrong. Although I really shouldn't even use that word "wrong". Even if he was delayed, that would just mean that he needed extra support to develop, and people who have various challenges don't have something "wrong" with them, they are just dealing with various differences. But it's hard not to worry about your kid.
Our first daughter turned one, and we found out I'm pregnant with her little sister. My husband and I had to figure out exactly what that would mean for my plans to change careers. We ultimately decided - which sounds so much better than saying, I gave in - that I would cintinue to stay at home until the second baby is over a year old. Which means I'm deferring my program to become a teacher for two years, until June 2017, which seems so very far away.
Ellie entered the world of puberty!! We purchased her some bras and she and I took the "Great Conversations" class. She's still young and innocent enough that the whole thing makes her blush and giggle. She asks adorable questions like, "mommy, what if I get puberty at school??" I pray the innocence will last. She'll have enough time to know too much.
We husband and I became parents for the first time to our son, which has, of course, changed who we are and how we view the world. Conversely, I lost my father. These two events come together in a strange way to make me grateful for what I have and more appreciative of even the most mundane things I get to do with the people I love.
It's been 10 years since my dad died. He died on September 11. It's hard, I want to have compassion and feel for our fellow Americans who perished on that day 14 years ago, but I feel the loss of my dad most of all.
My parents' 30th anniversary was this year, and reflecting on that has made me truly grateful to have such a loving and supportive family, and to have parents that truly care about my brother and I, while still maintaining a loving relationship with each other. It's inspiring, and I hope to one day have a marriage like my parents- loving and respectful through good and bad.
Well, as mentioned before, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. And it changed everything with our family. I spent 5+ months living with my parents - and did not suffer from depression despite the circumstances. Somehow, through the support of my friends, through God's love, through self care, I was able to function - and take care of myself - and even improve myself - because I knew I would need the strength. I'm so thankful to God and my family and friends. I don't know how I got so strong - and I don't want to take it for granted -but I'm thankful that I do feel this resilience instead of crumbling or going back to old destructive habits. I also am way more emotive about how I feel to my parents and to others. We all are able to express our emotions and feelings towards each other more openly.
My aunt passing away. She was very special to me I wish I could have let her know that. I think she did know it, but not sure. This makes me more sensitive to how much time we really have to be with the people we love.
We bought a home! This is a few years ahead of schedule and would've been impossible without our parent's help. I love having a place. Knowing that my care isn't being wasted is such a comfort. It's small but perfect. We're very happy.
There have been no major milestones in my family this year. I have honestly thought about this answer for several days now (I'm writing this on Day 6 LOL) So how does a year WITHOUT major milestones affect a person. Speaking only for myself, I am very happy. It means no one died, no one was significantly injured (emotionally or physically). It means that we moved through our year without trauma or upheaval. This doesn't mean NOTHING happened. We've had a lot of wonderful things happen ... but they're all kind of "regular good" things: we brought in our first (small) garden at the new house, got a dog we love to bits, children are both doing well, parents are well and still fiercely independent. But nothing MAJOR. I was raised in a really dysfunctional household. EVERYTHING was MAJOR and it is honestly so nice to just have a regular year to look back on. Maybe for me, that was the major milestone.
My siblings have both moved out of the house semi-permanently/to go to school. I don't know what effect this will have yet, though I believe it is helping my brother and I develop a different relationship (since he is now in the same town as me). I've been helping him with his homework. I hope he succeeds.
Grandson starting school last September was a major milestone; especially for me, as I gradually began to realize I had my life back. Not altogether, as I was still heavily involved in child care but nothing like the amount of traveling and the hours spent trying to care for a child who had been farmed out all of his short life. Don't think I succeeded in caring for him as well as I wanted to, but am resigning myself to the realization that children's affections change rapidly and hoping the love and security I gave him will have been of benefit to him in his life.
Mom moved to Alaska! I am really glad that she is out exploring and having fun. She keeps posting pictures and emailing and I am so happy for her. It makes me feel better about the family house being with Dad, because at least she is not pining over it or being put down about leaving.
Being reunited with our Grandson is pretty intense. I am enjoying the healing process and am hopeful for what it may become.
No major milestones.
I no longer call her mom. I call her judy. And that feels so very freeing.
My brother screwed up badly this year. 2014 he got a DUI and we all thought that was him hitting his rock bottom. This year, he screwed himself up even more badly. He got a girlfriend who is not a good influence on him. He learned how to smoke. He is taking performance enhancing pills to keep up with her. As a family, we just think his behavior is unhealthy. This has caused a tension in their house. Since I do not live with my family anymore, my mom would constantly call me and vent out. This has affected me in a way somehow because I always tell my boyfriend about it. I feel guilty sometimes that I am having a good time while I know my family is not happy. My mom is concern about my brother and she's not happy. My sister is scared to be living in the same house as him and she's not happy. I just wish this crisis is over soon. He might get an eviction notice soon.
My aunt reached her 100th birthday. It has made me want to get back into genealogy . It made me want to learn how to do a storycorp interview.
Again, this damn car accident has defined me in the past year. So may life threatening situations, so many difficulties to overcome. Even today I now have a herniated disc in my back that I must live with. I have been off work since September 3, 2014, and must go back in two weeks. I am not looking forward to this. In addition, I turn 55 this year, and would really like to be in a position where I no longer HAVE to work. I would much prefer to be in position where I could talk to people, especially women, to inspire them that if I can overcome my crisis, and find the man I love who loves me back.
My little sister got married. She was always so worried about whether she would find the right person, if she would know what true love felt like. I would tell her that it would happen for her, that she had to live her life as fully as possible and not spend time worrying about it. Seeing her at her wedding, so beautiful in her happiness, so knowing in her love for and by this other person, I felt great joy for her. But I am older than her, and in a later point in my own marriage. Life is complex, and I have been surprised by the challenges of commitment. Sometimes it takes a lot to stay married, and to remember the romance and happiness that drove you to it in the beginning. Her wedding reminded me of my own vows, and how seriously I still take them, even if the feelings have changed their shape -- not disappearing or becoming hardened, but just having different contours: dips and valleys that can still sometimes swoop up to the heights when I'm not looking.
We have not had a major milestone this year - which I think is kinda great. Instead, we have had a nice normal year with lots of everyday stuff going on. It doesn't sound very exciting but we are happy, and we appreciate and love eachother every day, which is better than excitement any day!
Two major milestones this year have been the final child-custody arrangement and my dad's failing health. For the child-custody case my ex has finally agreed to 50/50 split of legal and physical custody. It was a long and arduous battle - and because it is settled and I no longer have to lose half my paycheck to custody I'm so relieved. It was such a heart-breaking situation for me as I had been the stay-at-home mom for so long ... but he had the money and the attorney in the beginning and was set on hurting me. I had felt that he would come to realize that it wasn't truly me he was hurting but our children and I hope that was one of the reasons he decided to have his change of heart. My dad's failing health has made me that much more health conscious. I'm keeping in contact with my primary physician and creating a medical/health plan of action so that I don't allow myself to go into such a state of disrepair. According to my dad's doctors it was his extremism with how he decided to remedy his own medical state of being thinking that a lot of something to help him was better than a little - which has caused his organs to shut down one by one. This has been so hard to bare witness to. I just know that I don't want my children to experience that from the perspective of the child - it's bad enough that they're old enough to experience this from the perspective of the grandchild.
The most wonderful news or milestone.......our prayers were answered and our grandchildren found and contacted us. This is so wonderful after too many years. They never stopped missing us, loving us......and likewise for us all.
So five days ago my sister decided that she wanted to apply to university, she starts in 2days! It was such a wonderful surprise and we are so proud of her for actually finding something she wants to do, hopefully now she will stick with it and reap the full benefits when the time comes.
i took a full time job. it's made life incredibly fulfilling and many dreams come true.
Charlotte and James got married this year. It was a lovely day, so perfect in a way I never imagined a wedding could be. I loved all of it. It was happy and a real celebration of love. Kind, nice, gentle love that is generous and optimistic. It wasn't at all how I thought weddings were... The death of the individual to b replaced with a lifetime of unhappiness. It changed my idea of marriage and gave me a sense of hope that marriage could be good and loving. I hope they prove me right over the passing of time.
My son got engaged to a wonderful beautiful girl that loves and honors him very much. It has been such a time of blessing for my son as well after having a period of a few years that was filled with devastation.
The closest thing to a family milestone this year would be Kendall growing up and getting a real job (her dream job at that!) that has health insurance. That last perk is something I have yet to obtain and something I consider to be a real determining factor of adulthood. Good on ya, Kendall!
It really must be that this year I've began to think about the prospect of starting our own little family, Anthony and me, next year. And all the new family on his side that will just really become 'his side' of our family. They've been wonderfully welcoming and warm, and he's also been a very happy addition to my family. Knoll House was something of a baptism of fire, and I worried about it beforehand, but within days everybody just knew him and loved him, he won the ping pong tournament and I was so happy he could be there and a part of it. So really, I suppose, I'm enjoying and looking forward to the coming together of our families, and the making of our own little one.
I found a new job I really enjoy. It is no longer in a school, so I have had to make big adjustments to my schedule, and need to find a way to continue my education.
My Nan died a few months over a year ago. I was away in the US separate from everyone else. I've been trying to deal with fall out from that and I think I have just about. Being able to sell her house gave my parents enough money to sell their house and retire early. So they've moved to the seaside. Right now I'm sat in their new house for the first time - about to start writing a business proposal - and listening to them putting up pictures and mirrors around the house. They're almost fully unpacked, only a few boxes in each bedroom left. Laura and Paul are aiming to buy a house and Katy has a job as a manager of a yoga gym. It's been a good year for her I think.
My step-daughter talked with me about her experiences growing up. She was physically abused, and I never knew it. Panic, outrage and anguish are the feelings that came to me at the time. I'm grateful she is finally at a point in her life where she trusts me enough to be honest. Her experience has taught me again, that keeping as much distance between me and my ex is the healthiest choice for me. My youngest son was diagnosed with a broken vertebrae. Similar emotions came to the surface, but he is doing his best to be well and make healthy choices, which includes having to challenge his dad and that of course takes great courage too. My younger step-daughter, opened up like a flower this year and I am SO amazed by her strength and ability to keep moving her life forward! I attribute the vast majority of her ability to be so grounded to her father. He too is an amazing person, constantly working to overcome his challenges but he is always there for his daughter. All of these people whom I love so much continue to inspire me to keep moving my own life forward, and let go of things which serve no purpose in my life.
After our mother's decision to take her own life in 2014, I am so happy that my brother and I have been able to gain our bearings, to continue to call one another, and to show each other consistent love and support. When he moved three thousand miles away in May I knew that he needed to get away from the gruesome discovery he had made last April. I knew that living in this house made an obvious negative impact on his psyche. I didn't think my brother would be able to open up about the experience of finding my mother or of how the entire tragedy had affected him. His willingness to sit with me before he made the move to Utah, in the yard of our childhood home, to crack open a few beers and chain smoke cigarettes while discussing what, why, and how meant more to me than he knows. It's comforting to know that despite the difficulties we both face, we remain both positive and optimistic about our futures.
My husband celebrated the first anniversary after his surgeries. It has been a long and hard struggle. I still take care of all the physical things, and he is now backsliding, since he has more pain. It has made me less willing to have a family, since what little time I have I will have to give up. I also feel that I am pulled in too many directions, so that I am always under stress and always reacting.
The death of my Dad is obviously the marking factor of my life this past year. Even though I have lived 2400 miles away for the past 10 years, we still called and talked often and even visited a few times. Like anyone grieving, I miss him terribly. It has affected me to try to live up to a higher standard and purpose that would make him proud of me. I remember him as soft-spoken, strong, loving husband to my Mom, and fun to hang out with and most of all his love of God and the strength of his Christian faith. I aspire to be more like him every day.
My family has always been known for its trips, but this year we took a major step as a family and traveled to Israel as a family for the first time. While in Israel, we met family members for the first time. Instead of these reunions being awkward, they were quite meaningful. My family was accepting and wanted to hear the stories of America. There was no denial like the previous generations, it was honest and beautiful.
my older brother moved out of the house, finally. he's 28. it's good, that he finally did. for all of us. for me and him especially, though. we really shouldn't live together. so while i miss him, him being gone has made my life easier.
I have decided to become pregnant, changed my mine, then decided to go for it again, then changed my mine, then said, I"M GOING TO DO IT wether I am afraid or not!
My mom was diagnosed with amyloidosis in the spring, after a period of great fear and uncertainty where we thought she might have something even worse. She had to have a number of tests, including a test of her bone and a biopsy of her kidney. I think that period was harder than the chemo treatment in terms of its emotional impact on my mother. She was so anxious and on edge all the time, and her irritability really rubbed off on all of us. As usual, I took it especially hard and felt she was especially hard on me. But once she was diagnosed, I felt I also became the child who she could confide in more. I also understood my brother's urge to resist feeling bogged down in fear and sadness. So I became his ear as well. I felt like a really grown up, valuable daughter and sister.
Two milestones - the increasing physical deterioration and increasing anger and paranoia of my mother. My mother's energy interferes with my healing. I can't save her. I hope I can still save myself. The discovery of two long-lost cousins. This is a happy occurrence. I haven't seen them since I was 4 years old. We will re-unite next month. Being an only child, doubling my cousin population is a big step!
really began to see how my mom and dad are getting old. My dad turned 90. My mom is in her mid 80s. Having to roll out the "elder patience" with both - can tell their memories and bodies are showing their age. Once again, reminds me that they won't be on this earth much longer...that I need to cherish the time I have with them.
Well, my parents came to visit NYC, which they do so much more now that both their kids live here. At one point in their visit over the summer, we had a very real conversation about my childhood. They asked if I ever suspected they might get divorced, to which I replied, 'no, not really.' They confessed that there was a very challenging time, and they had different ideas about parenting. I told them, I thought it was because I was a difficult kid too, and they said, 'No, it would have been difficult for anyone." Hearing them say that, gave me such relief, that I wasn't difficult, it's just hard to be a parent, and we all have our struggles to work through. And, my parents are kind, loving, amazingly genunine, intelligent human beings who did the best they could, as wonderful, not perfect parents. It was a quiet milestone for me to to have that revelation about how I view myself.
This is a challenging thing that I think I did well this year. I'm 52 and I have a new boyfriend. I also have a 15yo daughter at home. In the past year, my boyfriend moved in with me. We took it pretty slow at first, but we really wanted to be together. We navigated all the way from "who's that guy in mom's bedroom", all the way to now, when he's just part of the household. She still gives him the "squinty-eye" as he calls it, sometimes, but she's generally accepted him really well, and even asks him for advice once in awhile. I'm sharing this because it is a delicate and unique thing that I think we did pretty well, but there have been plenty of tricky moments, and we continue to make our way carefully through the process.
made me feel safe and loved
Winning in court has let me support my child as she always should have been. Glad that is over. Is making it easier to do what needs to be done and eased my financial worries.
The biggest milestone was Rachel's wedding. It impacted me in so many ways. It drove home the point that my little girl has grown up, and it gives me comfort that she married such a good person. It also made me realize that I am no longer a young man, and that I need to spend my time wisely to create the life I want to live. It also reminded me that what matters most to me in life is family, and how much I am looking forward to being a grandfather.
I couldn't tell you - there have probably been many but I'm not in touch with my family enough to know what goes on.
This year for the first time I spent Thanksgiving with my wife's family instead of mine. It was much much harder than I expected it to be. Now that we've created this new joint family, I need to get used to giving everyone their fair share.
My 23 year old son going to rehab, living in a sober living environment. Then relasping and being semi-homeless for months. He called us to tell us that he had relapsed (thankfully it was only for a week or so) and his plan to go to detox. He made all the arrangements himself and was just notifying us. After 30 days clean he went back into sober living and has been sober 4 months. It was heartbreaking and challenging to watch him stuggle, especially since he is 3,000 miles away. But we just tried to focus on the positivie aspects of him doing what he needed to do without our help. Deep breath and realizing he is an adult who has to find his own way now and we just pray that we instilled the values and love in his childhood that he will rely on to find his way in life. I am so acutely conscious of the fact that my job raising him is done. I still need to love him and be his parent, but now that means waiting for him to ask and then deiciding if I think that will support his growth or not. Let go and let G-d?
My older son graduated high school and moved out of the house. I miss him. I'm so proud of him, but it hasn't been easy letting go. I'm realizing that I have done the job I wished to - raising a young man with a good heart, healthy body and intelligent mind. I think he and Leo are the best part of my life.
One of my nephews got engaged. With family members scattered in different cities, it will mean another time for us all to be together for a happy occasion.
Mom's stroke make me realize yet again how fragile life is. I miss her old persona terribly and she will never be the same. Nothing ever stays the same. The rule of inertia presides.
Went to L's wedding in NM. Saw all the in-laws and family. Was a mixed time. Felt put upon and taken advantage of by the parents and sister in-law and belittled by the MIL. However, had a great time at the wedding itself, and enjoyed getting to know some of the now grown up cousins better. They turned out to be good and interesting people and I wouldn't mind getting to know better.
Like my answer to #1, the major milestone is my daughter going to college and me feeling as though my role in her life has shifted significantly. I haven't yet found my footing as the parent of an adult/someone who doesn't live primarily at home any more (but who still relies on us for financial support). I think it's going to get better and better, but right now I feel blue and a little lost.
Multiple graduations for my children. It has made me think about my own desire and readiness to "graduate" into a new phase of life.
My son became gainfully (sort of) employed. I'm still unhappy that he dropped out of college, but relieved that he seems to be charting a course. It's not the course I would have chosen for him, and I think it's not a course that enables him to use his many gifts, but at this point it's what he wants and he's actually doing it. This is a big step for him, and I need to summon up all my strength to be entirely supportive and otherwise keep my mouth shut.
My mım gıt sick and luckily she recovered, those days were like hell... I am soo happy and grateful she is fine nıw. We left that all behind us... Now I am looking forward to vacation with mu family in Eskisehir and Urla
Our youngest daughter got married and gave birth to a baby boy. Grandparenting all over after 16 years is fun and challenging. I love seeing Kit changing practically before my eyes, Also love watching his mother turn into a wonderful mom and seeing the sparkle in my husband's eyes every time he sees the baby.
I try not to mark major or minor milestones. It too often leads me to sadness and regret.
Feels like over the last year my family of 3 really rooted ourselves in our new home of a little more than a year and community. We've made friends and actually have some resemblance of a social life now that the early baby years are over.
Married - charged to learn more about my family.
K.'s wedding, and her following attempts to get pregnant, and good Lord, how much I hope she doesn't get pregnant right now until she and J can actually handle it. My ongoing fear about their marriage and their skills in relationship. I know I'm not in their relationship on a daily basis, and that all relationships change and take work, and that I'll never really see the real thing between them--but I am so afraid they'll get pregnant and it will be horribly, shockingly stressful to them and reveal so many splits and fissures in their life together and all their weaknesses. I love K but I know how single-minded and narcissistic she can be, and I can't see them parenting as they are right now. And I want her to have what she wants, but she is NOT where a mommy-to-be should be in her personal life or her marriage. And I know that's a judgement from the outside, but I KNOW in my bones I'm right, at least for right now. So I'm scared all the time she'll get pregnant, and I'm scared all the time she won't....
I lost my last grandparent who I was extremely close with. I still have both of my parents, but at age 45 I finally feel like with the death of my grandmother, I am totally grown up. I mourn my childhood and how my grandma could still make me feel the best parts of being a kid. But I am ok with accepting adulthood too. In fact, I decided to cut off all my hair and let the hair dye go. My hair is growing in silver and I love it!
Having a child brings you into a whole new reality. There is no greater change. Although, it has been over a year, coming into parenthood has been a milestone. I am a totally different person. I am more easily agitated, yet I have never loved deeper. Being a parent makes things that mattered before in life seem minuscule. I appreciate each day, action, and person in my life more than I ever have.
Mom and Dad celebrated their 50th anniversary. IN addition to being proud of them- and impressed because, frankly, I couldn't live with either of them for 50 years :-) - it made me reflect on my own marriage of only 6 years. Because of my age, I'm not confident we'll make it to 50, but I hope we can weather the storms of life together as they have. As a kid I of course was not aware of any storms- i mean, they sometimes fought, but i can't tell when they ebbed and flowed, but being married now, I know that they must have had easier times and harder times and the stick-to-it-ivness is admirable, because sometimes I know you want to just bury your head and walk away. I want to make sure I honor my committment to my husband with the same determination, even when he is driving me crazy.
My stepdaughter Ruby got married to her boyfriend of five years, Sean. The wedding was in June and I was able to assist her in this endeavor in a way that helped mend a rift in relations between her biological mother and me. The two of us found it very hard to relate and communicate effectively when Ruby was diagnosed with a very rare heart condition at the age of nineteen. I realized that not only could I not have a meeting of the minds with her mother, I did not like her. I saw that much of what was going on was between her and Ruby's father. I found, as is the pattern of my life, that I was in between them. I realized quickly when the mother began to triangulate with Ruby around me, my intentions, my involvement, that I needed to extricate myself from the triangle and make sure that mom and dad were dealing with one anther directly. In this, and as the stepmother who takes her responsibility seriously, I made sure Ruby's father knew what I intended, what I thought was needed, (a second opinion and to be seen at an institution where they had knowledge of this heart condition). Her father agreed and pushed forward with the mother to be sure a second opinion was given. I then withdrew from any relations with Ruby's mother and left any and all needed communication to Ruby's father. From that point on Ruby's mother and I did not speak or have any relations. The wedding now asked the question of what role I would take. As Ruby's stepmother and someone who loved her in a way no one else could, I wanted to do something special for her. I was also keenly aware of not wanting to further alienate the mother. In the end I found a way to do what I needed and wanted to do and include Ruby's mother in such a way that she and her family were not offset or offended in any way. I would not have known this if Ruby's uncle had not taken me aside at the wedding to tell me how Ruby's mother, (his sister), had taken him aside and told him something he wanted me to know. He said he did not understand what it was all about but that Linda said because of something I had done, she believed a rift between her and our family had been healed. He wanted to thank me for whatever it was that I had done. I let him know I was not sure what it was she or he was referring to but thanked him for this information just the same. I mentioned the wedding breakfast and let him know it was my hope everyone could attend. In the end the breakfast was wonderful and the love and ease that flowed between Ruby's mother's family and my family was magical. The rift was bridged.
All of my children are out of the house at this moment. One on her own and two in college. I feel restless, like my purpose has changed and I am not sure what to do with myself.
Does my sister bordering on (proposing yet not completing) divorce count? my own milestone with them is probably being able to be OK with saying I was happy and enjoying, without having the need to justify. It has brought me closer to not having guilt for leading my life. although not quite entirely yet.
My dad is walking again and finally recovering. His mysterious illness defined family life on a daily basis for nearly two solid years. Shook us all up. Changed our days and our plans and our priorities.
One of my cousins moved away - at first I was really sad that she's further away from me, but the more that I've thought about it I'm really proud of her for going out on her own and stretching her wings.
We have finally committed to adopting a child. After trying to have a baby on our own (and spending tens of thousands in the process), we are going to go the private adoption route. It's an exciting, frustrating, and, at times, anxiety producing process. It means looking at your career from a strictly financial point of view because you have to be completely financially stable to both go through the adoption process and then after, when you have a child.
Mama just told me a couple of days ago that she is now getting a survivor's benefit from social security because of her marriage with my father. They were married for over ten years and neither of them remarried, so she is now receiving a partial benefit because he is deceased. She will continue to get it and it will increase when she comes of retiring age. Ten years after my father's passing, he is still present in our lives. He is still providing for my family, even after all his life insurance money get spent when my brother and I were still learning good money management. I talked with mom about her feelings, and she expressed positive sentiments. By the time he died, they had repaired so much of their friendship, and she can now feel simple, uncomplicated gratefulness for the good times, for all the financial provision, for his hard work and dedication, and for his commitment to our family, however flawed it may have been. I am relieved because I feared for her financial well-being, I worried that I would not be able to care for her, and now I see that she will be taken care of, even if I can't help as much as I would like.
Our son and his girlfriend, I call her 'his significant other', have moved in together. Now I just want them to get engaged! The wedding can wait as long as they want or need.
With the birth of my second grandchild, I am working harder than ever helping out. I stay in my daughter's house half of each week, and we work as a pretty good tagteam with her 3 1/2 year old and newborn. Overall I'm proud of our relationship, which works well perhaps 80% of the time. The remainder, I gotta say, is like chewing ground glass. She's an excellent loving mother, which sometimes/often makes her impatient when I don't behave exactly as she would. But humans are imperfect creatures, right? We fight on average every week and a half -- and then resume sharing the joy of these beautiful children. As someone once said, it's like "eating a chocolate bar with the wrapper on."
Daughter got married - at age 35! I wish her a lifetime of happiness and hope she has found someone that will love her unconditionally, and share her ups and downs, and be her best friend.
My grandfather passed away at the beginning of the year, and then partner's passed away a few weeks later. This really helped me prioritize my family and think about how I want my family to be. It also helped me think concretely about how I want to support my parents in their old age. I also feel deeply sad. It was very difficult to watch my grandfather die, and to continue to support my grandmother as she grieves. She is one of the most inspiring people I know and I pray that I will be able to love others as unfailingly as she has in her life. I am sad that my grandfather will not be at my wedding or see my grandchildren, but I know that the lessons he taught me about love, partnership, companionship, and responsibility will be foundational in the new family I am building.
Stable and holding, just husband and I. We finally visited Panama City, Florida. Beautiful! Now understand why retirees move there...and spring break for college students. Then visited Louisiana family.
My mom is a whole new woman after getting her doctorate. I'm so proud of her and inspired by the changes that she is making with her new position. She's making space in public education for teachers of color and she advocates for the kids and schools that get left behind. I tear up when i think about it.
Youngest son is a senior in college. With one foot in the empty nester category I planned events over the summer with the intention of having fun quality family time. We spent way too much money but had a great summer over all
My parents financial situation was finally discussed. My mother has been hiding a mountain of debt from my father, me and everyone. So much anger and betrayal... They started being more open and honest about it with each other and working together to fix it. I don't know if it will last though. They are already starting to slip into familiar spending habits. I love my mother but I resent her for putting them in this position.
Son quit drink.
Well, my family was leaving my fiancé and his daughter. That ended in January. It was one of the biggest changes in my life. I left a fiancé and a little girl who I was someday going to adopt. It affected everybody though. It affected my son, my parents, and especially her. She lost not only a mom, but a brother, grandma, grandpa, etc. It's affected me greatly. I knew it was the best decision for myself to leave such an abusive relationship. I really can't believe that I stayed as long as I did, but I know I needed to go through every single experience that I went through. I wouldn't change a thing. I have focused more on my son, what he needs, and then myself. What do I need? What feels good? What will add to my energy and what will take away from it? It's helped me see what I will and won't put up with in my life.
We got engaged. Everything is wonderfully different.
My grandmother died the Sunday after Thanksgiving, without any warning. The only silver lining was that she died in her sleep without any pain. It set me down a dark path of apathy and complete lack of motivation. I helped my mom pack up the house and it didn't feel real. I'm still in a kind of shock, not thinking about it because I just can't deal with the reality. I did get myself life insurance once it was offered at my work, because her death made me realize how much there is to do when a family member dies and I at least want to help relieve financial stress when I die. I'm trying to get back into the swing of my life, now that I'm living someplace stable, as I moved twice in the six months after her death. Hopefully now I can find solid ground and even if I don't finish the mourning process, I can at least get my life back to where it should be.
My family and I went to Cancun, Mexico this summer. It was a graduation gift to me and my sister for being the first ones in our family to graduate from college. I had an amazing time there, and I bonded with my family. It made me realize that I should take more vacations with my family members in order to spend more time with them.
I attended the ceremony for my sister receiving her master's degree. It was very emotional for me, in many conflicting ways. I was happy for her, I was glad she decided to attend the commencement (which she had not done for high school or her baccalaureate), but I was deeply disappointed in myself for not achieving as much with more time (she is 7 years younger than me).
My God-daughter/niece graduated high school in June and started college last month. I miss her like crazy but am so excited for her as she sets off on her own. I can't wait to hear what she thinks of it all and to see how this shapes the amazing person she already is.
My parents selling our childhood home is the biggest milestone this year and it feels momentous. It was annoying at first, because I felt like everyone was looking at me like a ticking time bomb, afraid that I was going to explode with anger or sadness or some emotion. And that almost made it worse. But I've been really taking the time to honor how I feel, good and bad, and ultimately letting go of this place has given me the permission and freedom to move on and reach for things that I want. I hope it has the same affect on all of us.
Boston: impact soon to be determined
Damn. The first word that came out of my mouth when I read this question. Well, my brother dropped out of college and moved back home. I'd say that was the biggest family event that has affected me. It has basically torn my family apart. We are all so worried about him. We all don't know the best way to help. I went to the school counselling and wellness center to get advice, but he doesn't want to act on anything now. Also, my dad retired this year, which I was very happy for him about. I'm happy that he gets to spend time doing things he enjoys.
Nothing really - everything circles around my sister.
The deaths of both of Bob's parents this year made us the oldest generation, matriarch and patriarch. We miss his parents and feel both the honor and the weight of being the elders . We feel more committed to passing on traditions and also more vulnerable.
Nathan Caleb’s birth was undoubtedly the major family milestone of 5775. He’s still too young and pseudo-human for us to have a true exchange or relationship, so I can’t claim to know love as I never have before or anything of that sort. In fact, the most noteworthy effect Nathan’s arrival has had on me is an unwelcome one; the combination of poor sleep and thwarted plans has brought out the “old me," the grumbling, self-absorbed guy with the short fuse. Not that other people have noticed, but I feel it, the anger and sourness that used to make me so bitter and withdrawn is present. It’s been very uncomfortable and disappointing to accept that the impatient, selfish, and temperamental person I used to be isn’t actually discarded or outgrown. He’s just subdued and, given the right conditions, could rise again. I’ll need to be vigilant to make sure my “better angels” prevail.
This year... ah. Greyley, the family cat, passed away. She was nearly 20. That is old. She grew up with us, about as old as my youngest sister. We adopted her as a kitten, gave her the only life she ever knew. The entirety of a living creature's life on earth, defined and bounded by my family. I hope we gave her a good life. I hope she was happy, and that we helped create some goodness for her. I cried when I heard she died. I cried for an hour.
We both hit 70. What does that mean? With the help of God and good genes I should have 25-30 years left, based on unique family history. My wife could hit 90's as well. So - with the clock starting to run down, how do I spend the time that is left to me prior to the candle burning down? What must I do in this "last 3rd" that is worthy of remembrance? What must I do to count, to feel good about what I did when I go to bed at night. Also, my wife hit our first really critical ailment, which is going on now. Total knee replacement. I actually wanted to take her home from the hospital so I could Man Up to the challenge and be her real caregiver. I want this opportunity to prove my devotion. I want to see how this plays out and how well I carry out my allegiance to her in these remaining 8 weeks of rough sledding ahead. WOW Looking back at last year, we are still sorting out the move to the new place. We never knew we would really need the 1 story plan only 3 months after moving in. We even use her grab bars already. Prescient that we did this. Ordained? New neighbors are ne plus ultra. Great community here as well.
My grandpa died. It was- complicated. It happened not long after I cut ties with my family, so I was very anxious. And due to work I wasn't able to attend his funeral. But on the plus side, that meant I didn't have the awkwardness of spending time with these people who used to mean something to me and now just leave me empty. What it really showed me is who still does matter - I had a moment of terror where I saw my sister had tried to call me but I wasn't able to answer and all I could think was that someone was dead. The name that leapt to my mind was a different one, and just the thought devastated me.
Not sure if this counts as a major milestone because it isn't something that tangibly happened across a minute or an hour or any definable amount of time, but I feel like this was the first year where I started to express love to my mom more often and without restraint or resentment, and I found her often doing the same. We've constantly signed off text messages with little messages of love (often with the help of emojis). I spent so long angry at my mom, and there may be a part of me that still is, but I find myself so much more tolerant of the things that used to annoy me, and far more aware of the finite nature of life, and more empathetic towards what influenced her to be who and how she is, and more willing to tell her that I love her. It's funny how displays of love make us feel so much better, and make the other person so happy, and also seem to make room for more displays of love. Love is so expansive. There's an inertia to it that is unlike anything else. That's what I've most learned from this strange, wonderful milestone with my mother.
I can't actually think of one, this year. We had birthdays and anniversaries, but somehow 2015 has been a bit of a holding pattern for us. In my family of choice, a wedding of two friends was a major event, and another sister by friendship bought her first house.
My sister is prenant through IVF and I met my Australian nephew (twice) this year and saw my favourite brother. It's confronting having people in your life doing the things you want to do, but there's so much love there that it also makes me proud and happy.
My daughter got engaged! So exciting!
Although this seems like a tiny thing, my sister has lost a significant amount of weight over the past year through improving her diet and taking up boxing. She's always struggled with her weight, ever since we were little, and it's been frustrating, painful even, to watch as she made what seemed like the wrong decisions with regards to eating and drinking, knowing that you can't say anything for fear of causing offence (an easy thing to do with my sister). My mum thinks that she refused to lose weight over the past 10 years due to PTSD brought on by being involved in the 7 July London bombings, and that her weight loss marks a significant step in her recovery - she's stopped hiding from the world behind a layer of fat. Whatever the truth of it, I just want her to be happy, and it looks like she's getting there.
Henry finished his reception year at school and is growing up fast. I recognise how much I want to appreciate their early years and am putting plans in place to spend more quality time with him and Jasper and to enjoy Jasper's last year before it's his turn to go to school.
We purchased a couple of cars in the past 18 months, something we hadn't done in, like, forever. We believe in spending a little every year - and avoiding unnecessarily high carrying costs with new cars.
Marriages, births, promotions,...just makes me happy.
Lets see, death of father. Brought some family memebers closer together, pushed some further away and created a divide. On the other side of things our son *knock on wood* has not been sick much, he is walking, talking, in a great school/daycare and right on track to start the terrible 2's soon!
It was our first anniversary living together and I actually couldn't be happier about it. We have a beautiful home and I am grateful to spend my days with my love.
A is pregnant with twins. Mom got strong and took the lead on sorting out financial issues with Papa. K and E moved in together. All these things are comforting. I can go through great personal tragedy or triumph, and my family keeps on living their own stories. This is one way it's very nice to be a spoke in a larger wheel.
My husband and I finally bought a house after moving to a different state. It feels permanent now...and it feels like home. Two of our children followed us and it feels like validation.
My father died. I became the patriarch of the family. Now, I am leading our family into a new era. We have a vision for how we can move on and seek happiness. While it's brought us closer, we still feel the giant void in our lives.
This is a difficult question. I think the most major milestone was switching sides with Micki. Originally I sided with her, against my sister, but in March I switched. I feel guilty - in the past I would have felt guilty for not calling Micki and chatting, but now I also feel guilty for fucking her over enough to get her to sue us. I miss her. She was wonderful for my dad. I am afraid things will never be okay with her again. No, I KNOW they will never be okay. She's suing us for $250k. We have offered to settle for $50k. It came out that she did get a lot of my father's money that was never accounted for (~$550k)... and I wish I didn't know that. I don't think she was just with Dad for the money. But yeah. Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm never going to hug her again, I'm never going to hear her say "oh, I love you sweet girl!" or laugh with her or spend 4 hours on the phone with her. This makes me very sad. I tried so hard to keep the peace, and I feel like I'm doing that constantly, and I really hate it. It's really difficult. Anyway, yeah, what's different? I feel guilty about what happened with Micki. I feel sorry for my sister, because I see that she can't control her emotions and she is selfish.
My brother got married. It was a Korean-British marriage and it's made me more eager to travel and meet new people and hopefully learn new languages in the future. It's a big world and i haven't seen anywhere near enough of it.
There were lots of weddings of nieces and nephews and many new babies of the next generation. It is wonderful to see such love and happiness,and to feel it too. It hasn't really affected me much, although I do sometimes get a bit melancholy that these are not my children or grandchildren. It doesn't last long. C'est la vie.
My immediate family feels really far away this year, maybe because now I am in the same country, but for the first time not in the same timezone. I spent 6 months out of this year being supported by my wife's side of the family though, which was a really interesting experience in that it reminded me that families can be supportive, and not just difficult to live with.
I moved back to my home town, next door to my parents. It has been the most wonderful, if unexpected, shift for us to be together again. I have healed so much of my relationship with my mother, I'm finally able to love her for exactly who she is and I am forever grateful.
This past year my partner didn't have a paying job for the majority of the year. I'm fortunate that my income can comfortably take care of both of us, but for the first time in my life, I saw how my decisions are no longer my own. For a long time I felt a lot of freedom in my job knowing that, if I wanted to - I could quit at any time. And though my partner would deny this, for the the first time this year, I felt like I didn't have that luxury. We needed my income and I needed to stay in my job no matter how miserable I was. I felt a little bit trapped but also really proud that I earn enough money to support both of us. Going forward, I need to think more practically about what I want to do and when I can do it - I can't just take any job and "make it work" because I'm now in a marriage and wanting to start a family.
My son is deeply involved with someone and it has added grace and balance to his life. And his joy has added something to my life too. My daughter has cast aside people and pursuits that did her no favors. She is nowhere near "complete," but it is wonderful to watch. My wife is in denial, and so must I be. My parents are crippled by dread, and so I must be not.
My brother's twins were born. Made me wish I had kids myself. Praying to God that this is possible.
Older son going to sleep away camp for a month. Sp proud that he did it. A kid who is full of anxiety spent 3.5 weeks at camp without knowing anyone before he went and LOVED it. Participated in activities, tried new foods and new things. Won one of only two awards in his whole unit. Love seeing his self esteem grow strong.
Again, Ezra's bar mitzvah. It was way more emotional than I realized. It affected me hugely leading up to it and afterwards. We were able to declare publicly the type of family we are. It was incredible to see Ezra shift - to see him os happy and proud. That melts a mother's heart and left me vulnerable and satisfied.
I got engaged this year. It's completely changed the dynamic of every relationship in my life.
I guess my daughter starting school is pretty big. It is just starting now, but for me it means reclaiming my individual life before becoming a mother, but now AS a mother. Exciting, scary, liberating, bittersweet at first but now becoming more sweet as I move forward.
No major milestones have happened this past year. Something that has affected me regarding my parents though, is that I've found out (or at least more about) that they apparently verbally abuse me. Hmm. I'm still denying it, since it doesn't seem to be very true, and it has been worse, but I've been talking to my roomies, and Cornelia and especially Elizabeth and Nicoline about it, and they seem to think that it's true. A sign of verbal abuse, is that you deny it yourself, even if you know that it's true. But I know that my parents would kill me if I ever confronted them about it.
Jeff and I have been together for 10 years, which seems like a really long time to me, and it also doesn't seem that long. It says something about where we are in life right now. That we have been together so long makes us old. But then we see people who have been married or together for 25 years, 40 years, etc. and it makes me feel young as well. It's a strange place to be...approaching middle age. How did this happen?!
Spent 3 weeks with my family. I love them and wish I could spend more time with them.
My son getting out of Rehab and beginning a new chapter in his life. His addiction to drugs and subsequent overdoses really shocked us as a family. All ideas of believing that i have the slightest bit of control was shattered. As painful as this is, it's a blessing. For our son; he is becoming more spiritual, and so are we as a family. I am in the process of learning more about surrender.
A major milestone in my family is the quadruple bypass my father had. This has taught me how difficult it is to reverse roles with a parent when you're an adult child.
Getting married was probably the biggest milestone of my immediate family but even in our extended family there was another wedding, a baby, and another pregnancy announced. I am amazed at all the good stuff this year. I think it all contributed to my overall well being. I don't think I've ever been happier in my life.
Sharing with my sister, father and his wife about my depression, Lance's drug use, my childhood trauma has been great. I know I can rely on them for support instead of keeping it a secret and holding on to shame that was never mine in the first place.
My daughter's bat mitzvah! What a joyful occasion! No one particularly likes to hear a 13 year old speak on the Torah but she rocked it. She took to task those who interpret the Torah literally and pointed out that our most esteemed Jewish women were flawed. Pure pride.
I bought a house this year, pretty much on a dare. My first home that I've owned on my own, without a man in my life to help me take care of it and share the financial burden. While I feel so energized by the idea of having this thing that is completely mine, at times it is as overwhelming as having a child.
My younger sister is pregnant and her and her boyfriend are getting married next month. I'm concerned my sister doesn't have the capacity to fulfill her motherly and wifely obligations with patience and tenacity. I feel she might be slightly aware of this and is being purposefully passive in addressing it. To top it off, I am an ordained minister and am expected to conduct the wedding ceremony. I feel personally obligated to address this topic with her and her although I am very nervous as to how to bring it up and what will happen if I do.
Aims moved into her new flat. I had more peace from this as she was cinsiering moving to the middle east and I feared for her in so many levels. Thankfully this is not the case now and she remains at home. All is well.
This is the first year anniversary of my beloved nephew's death. Where there was joy, flatness fell on us. Where there was future, emptiness filled us. Where there was certainty, unknown hollowed us. We are shells this year.
This year our grandparents have hit some landmark birthdays and reached new levels. We've come to the realization that the time of them being able to visit us is coming to a close and that we'll have to be sure to budget the time and money to visit them going forward.
My oldest two moved out the house. I find that I miss them. I am surprised how big the house is now and how little we need to buy in terms of groceries. It has reminded me that my health is important, I can turn my focus towards my own strength and well being. Oddly enough, I am watching more tv than before - feeling a little lost.
Annie went to college. She is the first of the little cousins who is entering the college phase, and it's a real reminder of how fast time is moving.
My daughter graduated from college, moved to a new city and started her first full-time professional job. I'm so proud of her and all she's accomplished. There were times in the somewhat recent past when challenges and difficulties she was having threatened to derail all her plans. I was very worried. Now, I'm enjoying watching her grow figure out how to be an adult. She has become my #1 cheerleader as I start my new career adventure. I can't wait to see what she does next!
My brother graduating college was an interesting part of my life. He is the youngest sibiling and its weird to view that me and my two sibilings are now adults
I turned 50. That in and of itself is not really what felt so significant, but what occurred around the celebration of that birthday changed a friendship of mine as well as a family friendship. I am in a better place with it now, but it has taken almost a year and there is still residual pain. This has affected my husband's friendship with his friend and worst of all, my 7 year old daughter's friendship with her best friend. She tells me weekly that she misses her and wants to see her, and that breaks my heart and can bring back up all that anger all over again. There is nothing I can do to take away my daughter's hurt that she played no role in creating.
One that is personal to me was going to my old school with my younger brother (we are seven years apart) to participate in a panel session talking to the school kids, and meeting our stepbrother who is studying there (my dad married a second time, and it didn't go out well with all of us the first 10 years). Going there, sitting in the same row with my brother sharing about our experiences (we went to the same school), and going to my old school itself (I have changed 180 degrees till then) feel like closing of a loop of some kind, like I have come full circle and made peace with my past (it wasn't traumatising or any kind, but it was haphazard for sure!). And I felt like I'm somehow able to reconcile the dissonance between my past self and my present self (I was born Muslim, grew up Muslim but chose to be an agnostic 7 years ago), and I feel a lot more peace now than I had a couple of years ago. It's definitely a good place to be.
Lauren spent 2 months in north Carolina with her gma and aunt. I finally felt ok with her gone... missed her, but was at peace with the change in my life
Well... Etnies was put to sleep at the beginning of sept. That changed things from a "family" to not a family. Jenna stopped talking to me several months back. She has seemingly made a decision that I am no good for her and she has decided this. My family has largely been healthy and happy otherwise. My dad is at a new job and from what I can tell it is a great job and he likes it. It has him traveling a few days a month but I think she can manage. Overall this year was a good time for my family. I think that there are some ups an downs but where we lost gram and bones and things were horrible for a bit we have been on an upswing for a little bit overall
J moving in with A has been a blessing. J is losing weight, though she is still tired, and has issues still with getting around. The progress is slow, but she's getting there. We still go to dinner on Fridays though I don't feel like we get to talk enough. I should probably reach out to her during the week, too.
I don't have the heart to write about the losses. On the precipice of this coming year: our decision to grow our family, walking around San Francisco and feeling excited and nervous and delighted and alive. A new imperative to be here, to grow in love, to care for myself and stand tall.
My wife getting a big honor. I resented how much I had to do, but when I step back I am proud of her and glad I could sacrifice to make it happen.
I'm being more of me with my family. I think in the past I've tip-toed around them. Held back my light. More and more I feel like I'm showing up full-sized being proud of who I am.
The biggest milestone for our family in the pat year was the birth of pour first grandchild, a granddaughter, Solange on June 29, 2015. I am very happy and proud. Living in China I don't get to see her as much as I would like but through WeChat I get constant updates and pictures from my daughter about Solange. In some ways I think being that far away has actually made me closer to my Daughter and Granddaughter.
Some people think that a milestone has to be something positive, but it really doesn't. This year, my grandfather passed away. In some ways, it hasn't had a huge effect because he lived in a different country than I do, but at the same time things feel very different. I don't think it will really hit me until I go visit my family this December. It will be my first time going over there after the death.
My grandmother died and my dad had surgery. Life is fragile and I need to cherish how precious it is and tell the people I love how much they mean to me.
My brother had his daughter, the first child in the new generation. Because of her, I know for certain why I got sober and what an incredible difference this will make in my life. I'm so grateful I could show up for her first night in the world, for her first few months, for her laughs and fussiness and her cuddling. I'm involved in an experience with my family of which I would only have been a bitter observer. I'm closer to my brother and sister-in-law. I'm more connected with my parents. The petty things that separated us before seem insignificant.
I hit 2 major milestones this year - I turned 30! On the one hand, I'm so happy to be the age I've felt for a long time. On the other hand, the questions of how I fit into the hierarchy of American youth culture are now here. My husband and I celebrated 5 years of marriage. Our weekend trip to celebrate in Portland, ME was relaxing - but also gave us the space away from our son to imagine where we want to be in 5 years and write a letter to ourselves envisioning how our family will change and grow.
At some point this year my boys grew up. Now 13 and 16 they are both so independent. My relationship with them is good but different. I'm still Mom but now I'm more of a resource than a security blanket. I think this is a good thing.
My family keeps shrinking, and that's very sad.
Loss of some revenue coupled with new emotional stress has been a challenge. I feel it has brought us together and forced us to develop creative solutions.
A very big milestone for my family is that my son has graduated high school and is off to college back east in NY. We now are empty nesters. It is an interesting perspective, to finally being caring for ourselves first, and figuring out what the next phase in our lives should be. What is our next path? equally as important is helping our son define his path and passions. Watching him grow to be his own person. Another fantastic milestone was having my wife come home after commuting jobs to accept a wonderful job with a startup company in SF. It had been 3 years of living apart - so good to have her home
My mum is getting old. She's been in and out of hospital (and is there now) and she's changed from being an elderly lady to being an old one. Forgetful, irritable, tearful, vulnerable and shrunken. It's not fun for either of us. I wish we had a bigger family. I wish my brother didn't live on the other side of the planet. I wish I had more support with all the things that need to be done for her health and happiness. I wish I didn't resent doing them or get frustrated with her. I wish I had the resources to pay for things that would make it easier for us both. I wish there was some security for the future and I had a better idea of what to expect. At 83, she might go on for years yet. Or she might have another health problem or accident or whatever and be gone in months. It's all so hard.
It has not affected me because I live very far away from my family. That is how life is now. I will continue to meditate on whether or not I need to act on this problem, and if I don't, I plan to make a family of people in my locale.
Becoming preganant and starting R & my family in a new way. Exciting, happy - sometimes I cant believe that he's actually my husband and that we're doing this. Feels unreal that we're making these 2 creations and taking a deep journey together in raising them. Really wild when I think about it. Was happy when I first found out and relieved. Telling rick with baby carrots, beets, and corn. he did not pick up on it, so had to keep having him read the items until he did. Telling my parents was fun - I could hear my mothers smile as she talked and my father called me for the first time in who knows how many years. Ricks parents were ecstatic and nice to give something hopeful for them to look forward to
I already wrote this in the first question, but my Grandmother passed away. I think it brought us together, we live with our Grandfather now and we see much more of him, also many people visit us more often because of that. Also my uncle got married and so we got a new aunt and a cousin and it's going good.
My son went to sleep away camp for the first time. Longest time we've ever been separated as a family and his first extended time away from his parents. It was amazing for him - and good for us, too, I think. He's more and more of an independent person, not just an extension of us.
I ended my abusive marriage. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It has been worth it, though, for the well-being of me and my daughters. It has affected me by making me more wise, more self-aware, stronger. It has strengthened me and my relationship with my daughters. It has been a good example for my daughters.
Doh! When you become a father, for the first time, it is suppose to be the biggest thing that have happened to you – ergo that must be my answer.
My son being born. It has brought me closer to my family, with the exception of my father, who has been a let down, never making contact with me to find out how my wife and I are getting on, or how his grandson is week to week.
We both got new jobs and my Husband quit going to a Church he belonged to...We are both happier and more on the same page spiritually...I felt better bringing in some income, even though I'm layed off right now...I'm praying that The LORD will help me find another job that I can handle with the physical challenges I have..Thank YOU LORD,I Know You Will provide.
Kids are all out, huge!! It will bring my marriage back into focus, terrifying!
I moved into college. I really miss them for the first time. During my gap year, I traveled, sometimes for weeks on end, and wouldn't call them. Now I call Mom at least every other day, sometimes more. Ari, David, and I don't get to have sleepovers anymore though and it's really strange for them not to be around all the time. I can't wait to see them over Family Weekend.
Earlier this year, my father went into hospice. We contacted Jen, a prodigal granddaughter who we hadn't seen in five years, with an urgent invitation, "If you want to see Grandpa alive, it's now, or never." She drove 10 hours and saw Dad for 1 hour. turned around and drove 10 hours back. Even though she did not share with us where she was living or what was going on with her (possibly abusive) marriage, she crossed a bridge that I thought was burned forever. When Jen was diagnosed with late stage breast cancer one month ago, she shared the news with the entire family and we came together to support her. I'm convinced we would never have heard about her health issues if my father's health hadn't slipped. It's been nine months since Dad went into hospice and guess what? His health is improving, not declining. I have a crazy belief in Divine Intervention now.
We survived post-partum. Yowza! That was crazy and ugly and horrible at times. I stepped up and did all the things I knew to do to work through it and am coming out well on the other side.
My parents have been together for 60 years. This is he same amount of time that my grand parents were married before Petjie died. I can not believe it. It means we are all getting older and I don't know how much longer I will have my parents with me!
There was nothing in particular that happened, and I have no family.
A major milestone with my family is that one us has finally had the balls to move out of the house. I would always tell my mom "I think I'll be the first to leave home" and she would always answer me "I know". Well, lo and behold, here I am, keeping true to my word. I have become financially independet from my family and all of this was done whilst mantaining a strong bond between all members of my family. Overall, family Status seems excellent.
The birth of my second Grandchild Emanuel - to see how the Baby was interested in this world: Everything - every leave, every cloud, every color - a wonder for him. The first word he could speak was "Wow!". I want to be like him. What a wonder-full world we are born into!!! I do not want to waste my life time with anger, fights or hate. And I wished all people in this world would see their children and grandchildren grow up and forget about fussing and fighting.
I went to the family reunion that was organised to mark 80 years since my paternal grand parents were drowned. It was wonderful to re- connect with cousins and for my own kids to know there is a big support network out there for them.
My brother got married this past weekend! He's marrying a wonderful woman who is truly perfect for him. The wedding served as a sort of out-of-town family reunion and the feelings surfaced that would during one of these events. My sister and her fiance are a mess and tangentially we were all pulled into that drama one way or another. It reminded me that family is important, but keeping a distance from toxic family is always okay.
My mom turned 60. And with it I have watched her become more and more critical and looking to argue and make a point at someone else's expense. I realized if I do not refocus my efforts to modify my behaviour I will, as much as I hate to admit it, start doing the same. It is a trait that I do not like in my grandmother and I detest in my mother. And to be honest, I don't really care about other peoples decisions - I just like having a venue to declare my position on all sorts of topics so it is time to find a new way to do that.
We bought a house away from the city and all the hassles of the city life. It is quiet, peaceful, no phones/tv, with wide open ocean views. When we go there, We reconnect and share the joy of peace and quiet together. Something that I did not quite predict, but am most grateful for.
My sister had a beautiful baby daughter. At the same time my boyfriend had 'the snip'. I'm very happy and proud to be an aunt but equally happy the endlessly pondered decision to have kids or not is now final, done, finished. It feels like a new beginning, and the end of having to ponder that question over and over again. I'm 40 now and enjoying making plans for the future with my boyfriend, and love seeing my little niece grow. She is so much like me, it's really special and I feel close to her.
My mother retired after 34 years of teaching. I owe much of what I have learned in this life to her. She is one of the most hard working, caring and nurturing people I know. Not only did she pass on her knowledge to me, but thousands of kids over the years are now more intelligent because of her. Teachers are some of the most undervalued and selfless people in the world. It's a shame that politics gets in the way of our education system and teachers are always the ones to blame, never bad budgeting, lack of funding or pure greed. I for one, will never stop fighting for teacher's rights and improving education for all. My mother won't simple because she's retired and neither can I. Her retirement has directly affected me in several ways. One, I get to see her more often. Two, knowing she has endless possibles everyday and that she doesn't have to answer to anyone anymore makes me happy because I know she's having a blast. And last, I love that she gets to travel and see the world more often. She has always been a wayward soul, seeking adventure and new experiences. There were many times over the years that she had to put her bucket list on hold, whether it be for me, her husband or someone else's child. Now she gets more time to live for herself and be the curious traveler that's always been a burning flame inside her. It's this sense of being alive, free and in the moment that might be the best lesson she's ever taught me.
We went on holiday together to Italy. I was dreading it, in fact we all were. But it ended up being, for me anyway, a wonderful, hilarious experience. We were close anyway but it just reinforced to me how important, incredible, ridiculous and wonderful my family are. It may be our last ever holiday we take together.
The biggest milestone this year for my family was my grandmother passing away. We lost our last direct connection to a holocaust survivor. A huge part of my identity is being the Grandchild of a Holocaust survivor. Without her, a huge part of my identity now feels like a responsibility. I have to let the world know, because she is not around to do so. It also changed my role in my family. When my grandmother was in Hospice care, I stayed with her every night. I woke up 4 times a night to say Shema with her. I held her hand when she passed away. I was the one who had to call my sister to tell her. I was the one to advise my siblings as to whether they should come or not. Because it was my job to know if tonight was the night they should say bye. I am 22? What do I know? How did I, the younger sibling, so quickly become the older sibling. I also was SO mad they weren't home that weekend - it was just me and my dad. Mom in Israel. Siblings with their Spouses. My dad with his Yachad Shabbaton. Who was there with ME? I got mad at certain people for not being around. But I learned to rely on myself. I took care of myself. My family is amazing. My friends are incredible. They all care and love me so much. However expectations put an unfair pressure on people who don't deserve it. And lead you to get angry about something that is SO not their fault. Words of advice - Take care of others. Focus on that. Focusing on what you would want from others is WAY more draining. AGAPE - Give selflessly and just keep giving. POSITIVE MILESTONES - Daniella had twins -We're getting closer with Uncle Jody!!!! -My parents are going on more dates ;)
This one is two part: My grandmother was with us for more than a year after her initial cancer diagnosis. We all took advantage of this time and saw her as much as possible. It was amazing that we were able to have this time with her and ask all of the questions we were too afraid to ask before. She loved all of us so much and we loved her. She died in the middle of June. Luckily for her, her death came quickly after her diagnosis, but we believe she was silently suffering for many months before. When we learned she was fading quickly, we all jumped on planes to spend the last few days with her. She knew I was there with her, which was so comforting to me (and I'm sure she appreciated it). These past three months have been so hard on all of us. We miss her so much and her presence was particularly missed at my uncle's wedding this past weekend. Despite the tremendous loss, our family has grown so much closer and we have promised to stay connected. I love my family so much and am so thankful we are all there for each other.
I've finally stopped calling my mom every single day. No, seriously.
It's been a quiet year. Nothing of significance has happend.
My Grandma passed away after a hard time in the hospital. I wish I had been there for her 80 birthday last year, and I see that just money will not bring happiness - family, friends and love is also very important and can go away very quickly.
A relative in my family turned 95 recently, and the family came together to celebrate her life and recognize her impact on all of us. This milestone made me reflect on my family - I feel so lucky to have them. I am motivated to make an effort to be better connected to them going forward.
It hasn't quite happened but we are about to pay off the mortgage. I still worry about our financial future but hopefully this milestone will see this concern lessen.
My grandpa die 5 months ago. My house feels lonely. I miss him. I think he was the last person who really love and acept me. My wife love me but my father and my mitehr has pass away. So that's what I feel.
As of the past year (actually the Friday before I filled this out) both of my parents are now retired! Such a new chapter in my immediate family's life! So far I have seen a great, and good change in my mom. SHe retired this past January, and our relationship has adapted to her significant increase in free time. She actually asks me about certain areas of my social life that I do not think she either cared hearing about or had time to listen to previously. I am still working on allowing her to be an equal in our relationship. It has always been about me, right? I'm the only child, I'm the child, and it's my mom. She doesn't have a life, right? But I do try and ask her about her more often now, finally. And she has almost never complained about how much I ask her to give and listen and advise! She is an amazing person. Of course now she is volunteering her time even more. This month she is coordinating the iDignity Souper Douper fundraiser with over 400 people coming! She was able to fly up in June and all the kids and grandkids helped clean out Gram's house. It was actually quite a nice bonding experience to have with her, and also for her to be surrounded by family was nice. Dad retired just this past Friday, the day before his 62nd birthday. So far he says he's going to be 'absolutely nothing' for 1 month, but my mom is a bit worried that he is going to go stir crazy and bother her a bunch. I am flying to Florida to see them in 7 weeks, and going to Megan Steig's wedding. I am looking forward to spending some good quality time with them in Orlando without having a massive injury like last year.
My family have become closer over the last year, old rivalries seemed to have settled and we're just plainly getting along better. We are all grieving, but it's good that we've been able to support each other, it will be nice to see it continue.
Mom's undiagnosable neuro issue was the first time I talked with her about her getting older and more vulnerable. She's so brittle and judgemental, and immature for her age. I've always been worried about dealing with my parents inevitable decline and I feel worried it might happen suddenly.
I got married. I'm more settled and healthy, and sometimes more restless.
none noted. since family is dad & i, that's not really surprising. but i'm glad i went down and helped with dad's issues - and he thanked me! that's not normal, it feels like she told him to say that, but it was nice. or if i extend it to em, then.... maybe getting her to let go? that's helped my stress level a lot. high maintenance is not for me. i don't think that i am high maintenance, [which she accused me of] not even physically, because i rarely ask for assistance / favors. it was hard to lose misty and shadow in 2 weeks. i am glad then that i was not working, because i was able to spend time & say goodbye. it's also been an adjustment to have kittens. wow. many runnings, much energy. wow. that's....new. like benjamin & they have a meta-message; move, grow, learn do. i'm so introspective! so not about other people! i don't really feel connected to others, and....that barely even registers with me!
Again, my husband’s retirement has been a major milestone. It has altered almost every area of my life: how I spend my days, decisions we must make about current and future spending, etc.
My sister and I have grown close enough to really call one another friends. My Aunt always said this would happen with age. It's been wonderful!
This past year my grandfather died. While he was nearly 93 years old, it happened very suddenly. One minute he was in the hospital and 12 hours later he passed away. When my parents called me to tell me that they had taken him to the hospital that morning, I just had this feeling that this was it. This was his end. Even though he was old and died mostly of old age, it was still something very sad for me. I grew up being fairly close with my grandparents and am incredibly thankful not only for the time that I've spent with them, but also the education that they have given me.
My sister created a fuss over name chosen by nephew and wife for new twin boys. The rift continues. I am disappointed and annoyed with her, wishing she would grow up. At the same time, I accept that it's her journey, not mine, so I treat her the same as always.
I think a major milestone was my mother finally becoming more open with me about her struggles with weight loss and my ability to share more with her about my struggles with infertility. It was not a huge opening--nothing earthshattering. But she previously became defensive and refused to talk about it openly until this year, when she was able to write an email to me about how she is handling things and subsequently I was able to follow up and talk to her about it. I also was pretty reticent about what I Was going through. Our ability to be vulnerable with each other and share some of our hardships was pretty major and totally shifted our relationship.
A family milestone? Shirley turned 15. Angelica 1. Gracefully, no negative experiences to speak of. It seems mom and I have agreed continue together for one more year, though I intend to relax the rules and allow for growth and companionship in this next cycle.
This year marks one year since my mother died. I am going through waves of grief, some days are much worse than others. In the past few months, my good days have outnumbered my bad days by a lot, and while that should make me happy, it's making me feel guilty and almost abandoning.
My husband's aunt was diagnosed with brain cancer -- the same as his mother had. It has been bittersweet in that she is doing well -- as technology has gotten better in the last 12 years -- but has served to remind us of our mortality and of his mom's death.
Jaxon turned 1 this year on 09/15/2015. Looking back on it all I think the most amazing part of the whole year was watching my young infant turn into a small toddler. With darkened eyes that slowly blossomed into sapphire blue spheres of never ending questions. He has absorbed the whole of everything around him. The most profound realization came to me on a whim. How he was infinitely content in the present. The past and future were and still are of no consequence to him. The mind is open only to what "is". When did I learn to live outside the present? How come the past and future have so much weight on my psychology when I have absolutely NO control of them?
This year, I more or less convinced my mom of some of my more feminist beliefs. That is a milestone, because of how important independence and self-determination are to me. I feel like I have her support in more things than I thought I did. Not everything, but more. Stephen died, but I'm almost ashamed to say forgot about that until I reread last year's answer about Goldie. I came back here to add that. It shows how disconnected I am from my extended family (no one told me he died, if I hadn't seen it on Facebook, I would only have learned from Lily!) However, it also shows, sadly, how little I care. But, I am also glad of that. I am happy with how I see the world, and the few people I choose and will choose to care for.
My son turned 13 and we had a Bar Mitzvah for him. It was a very beautiful occasion. He is such a smart, compassionate and truly amazing young man. We were all really proud of him. Also, my children both went away to summer camp this year, leaving my husband and I at home without kids for two full weeks. This was our first extended time without kids in over 13 years. I was pleasantly surprised that we were easily able to find things to talk about and ways to occupy our time. It renewed my hope that one day my husband and I will be able to find peace together and feel/renew the strong connection that can be so difficult to feel lately when our lives are occupied by kids' schedules.
Randy's father died. i think it made us stronger and closer
We have now reached the point on both sides where the older generation is all but gone and it is now up to us to figure out how to maintain a family structure. It's made me think more about how fragile life is, how easy it is to lose touch with your own family. It is the natural order of things for the older generation to die as the next one is coming, it does;t make it any easier to lose them though.
At the risk of being repetitious, and not quite a milestone, but my father passed away. I'm adrift. I went to law school 4 years ago with the thought that I would be productive and contribute and be passionate about the work I might do when I graduated. At this point, I call it a win when I get moving before noon.
My dad's investment group bought a hotel. I am very happy and proud of him for that. I can see from his face how happy he is. That he is able to do the things he wants. The nice office, the white collar business; this hotel is able to provide all of that. I am happy for him. Inshallah, one day I will be as successful as him, but for now I will do what is necessary to help him get ahead.
Mum and Dad finally took their decades-in-the-making South America trip!!! As I write this, they are gallivanting around the Galapogas and from the messages and emails it seems they are truly enjoying the journey, as well as one another's company. This trip, like a few before this - Switzerland, India/Nepal, Vietnam ... has further demonstrated their carefree independence and sense of openness toward adventure and new experiences. I'm so proud that they have reached a point in their lives where they have both the health, finances and will to enjoy themselves like this. I miss them when they are away, but notice that I no longer have a sense of dependency on them - rather I miss speaking with them, getting their opinion and advice on matters, and the comfort of knowing how close they are.
I shifted to a new country in the past one year, and while that has been tough, we have managed to stick together as a family. It's given me a new appreciation for my parents, and I'm glad I have that.
My nephew contracted a systemic bacterial infection this summer. At only 16 months old, his life was in danger, and he was medivac'd to a large regional hospital where he was on 24-hr care for a week. He recovered completely during that week, with absolutely no lasting effects, thanks to modern medicine, skilled doctors, and the providence and mercy of G-d. When we got the news, we knew he might not make it. He's my older brother's first and only child and the only grandchild in the family. I had to come to terms with the fact that my baby might die. That we will all die. I begged the throne of G-d like King Hezekiah, and He relented. But like the Hanukkah miracle, there were seven days where we didn't know how long G-d would sustain. What if he had died? Is G-d still good? Is G-d still G-d? The challenge strengthened my faith and my family tremendously- even before we knew that my baby would live. I know I am at the mercy of Elisha's G-d who raises from the dead and the G-d of Job who affirms that HE IS even when nothing else is certain. In all my moments of danger and foolishness, the L-RD has never relented and never abandoned. I also got to see my older brother in crisis mode, which was awesome. He's such a leader and so good under pressure. It was encouraging and inspiring to see him lead not only his own little family, but our larger extended one as well. My kid brother volunteered for a Middle East deployment, and I am so proud. He used to be a punk and now he's a hero- at least to me. And my baby brother turned 18. I guess he's not a baby anymore. Also, I was with my dog when he died at home. Yeah, he was a dog and not a person, but it was weird to be present when life left a creature. That was the first time I was there for that exact moment and not just before or just afterwards. We separate the dying and the infirm from the living and vital in our world, but death is a staple of our time on this earth and the human experience.
Madeline went to college and that's weird. I've been moved away this year and my relationships with family are a little strained. I think my parents are mad at me for not being in touch enough, and distant because of our different politics and how they think I criticize them too much. This is hard.
My grandmother moving to California exposed a lot of family baggage and drama. I am proud of the way that I supported my mom through it, but I don't feel like I was the best sister, granddaughter or niece through the experience. I care deeply about the others in my family, but I don't think I show it enough, or in ways that they see and can appreciate. I am not sure how to change that in a way that still feels genuine for me. It also made me sad - it was a realization that my family is small, aging, and loosely bound. I would love to have a big, vibrant, loving family, but that's just not the reality. I don't take them for granted, and there is a lot of love there, just in ways that are different than what I might see as ideal. Although I guess the grass is always greener...
I got married, and it has been a roller coaster. It seems like things I thought would be difficult aren't at all, and then small things can snowball into big things. Combining families and traditions and households takes a lot of work, but it also means new traditions and being welcomed into a new family. The wedding itself was stressful but I am enjoying most of the changes that come with merging your life and family with someone else's!
I tried to kill myself, which affected my whole family because they were all shocked at how unhappy I was and just wanted to help me. But also my sister told us some major news and that shocked my whole family too and affected me because I now feel like my own problems are stupid when compared to hers :(
Obviously that milestone was becoming a father. It has changed much of our lives, yet much remains unchanged. I was warned that habits you have pre-children will become difficult to change once you have a child, and that has been true, but most of those habits are good. Being a father is rewarding and brings joy daily. I have fewer bad days when I can look at that smile, and every day there is something new - an expression, a laugh, a sound, a tooth...we are only at 10 months and it is already a grand adventure.
We survived 2014, which is very great for me because if I didn't I would be dead.
Matt had his first summer internship in college and decided to not come home or vacation with his parents before classes began again. I am so proud of him for making the decision based on what he believes is best for him instead of what he thought was expected of him.❤️
We all finally started talking about the issues from the past that have affected us. It was time to get real candid with my kids about health and mental health. We found a starting place for our healing and we continue to grow stronger as individuals and a family as a result.
Mollie started high school! Everyone is growing up!
I came to understand my husband's family much better and - with that understanding - came an appreciation for his strategy of retreat when it comes to family conflicts (and conflicts between the two of us). I naively thought a bit of compassion and acknowledgement and drawing out of the truth of people's emotions would allow for a movement towards more healthy relationships. But they're all so determined to stay in the same absurdly unhealthy patterns that I've decided it's best if I give up, too. It hurts me on his behalf that he (and his siblings) don't have the kind of relationships that I've been able to build with my own sister, despite our flaws and differences. They just can't rely on each other. And it makes me want to shake them all that they won't grow up and see what's what and work to shift! (which is why I could never be a therapist) I'm grateful that he is able to inch forward with his own emotional growth with me, though. I hope he continues to move much more so that our moments of conflict resolution are more effective, but given where he's come from, I now understand that the baby steps he's made are significant. I see a future when he'll be much better equipped to express himself and tend to my feelings. I also realize that I have to accept that he may not ever develop those skills as much as I'd like.
Oof. This is actually a hard question. I don't think there have been a lot of happenings last year in my family that have affected me a lot. This really hasnt been a family year. But the death of my grandma 13 months ago surely did make me think about my relationship with my other grandma and my grandpa. I try to call my grandma each week, even though that has been hard in the holiday, I really should pick that up again. And I see my grandpa more often, also he has a better bond with my parents now which is nice. I on the other try to take more distance from my parents, somehow they just treat my sister like shit. And I cant handle that. So to stay outside of it both me and my sister decided to only go to our parents when it's neccesary or when we get invited to come by. Maybe that will change in the future. Also my niece being pregnant really made my mind up about not wanting to have kids right now. Hell. I want to travel. No babytime just yet! I don't mind being oldest but not the first. Edited: A major milestone was that we lost both our hamsters last year. The first one was mine, and died in oktober. We had to let him put down. It was an horrible experience but so good to see how we both coped with it. We had support on eachother, had a nice memorial and still remember the little fella. The second one wasn't much of a social hamster, so that moment was sad, but faded faster. Because I missed having company we decided on taking other pets. Last April we adopted two male rats. They are the most adorable silly and annoying creatures. I can't wait untill we get a real dog, but untill then these two will do just fine as two crazy puppies. Since basically that's what they are.
My husband donated a kidney to his father last November. It was a significant decision, in part because my father in law is the BEST guy ever but also 74, with host of other health challenges, and because my husband doesn't make decisions easily, and he's overly analytical. This was a decision that couldn't be quantified with numbers or stat on a spreadsheet. It took 15 months to get to the finish line-including a dry run that ended up as a scratch because the donor had a fever-but it was amazing. I cried so hard when he went into the OR, knowing how afraid he was, and I cried when he walked down the hallway hours later, shuffling like an old man. But today, I look at the two of them and every time, I'm blown away by the gift my husband gave to his father. Sometimes, if you're lucky, life hands you a moment to change someone else's and do something purely altruistic. And my husband saw the moment and seized it.
My mother died. It has brought sadness and a recognition of my own strength. I never regretted being part of her support system. Although it was hard at times, it was really hard for her.
The biggest milestone is me getting pregnant. All the soon-to-be grandparents, and aunts & uncles, very excited. Being the center of it has been both somewhat energizing and also somewhat overwhelming - not sure I want quite this level of excitement (more than my own excitement, which is tempered/hesitant!)
My mother fell and fractured her pelvis. Now she won't use a walker and is in a wheel chair. I wish it were different, because now she is even more l imited and vulnerable. So many things are harder for her. I still do the extras for her, that is the same. I have even more realization of her age and number of years she may live.
This year my final grandparent passed away-my moms father, my Zayde. It makes me sad that I no longer have grandparents. It makes me regretful that I did not put more effort in making time to see or talk to Zayde in the end years of his life. It makes me think about my closest grandparent who I lost multiple years ago, and wonder if she would be proud of me now. I now realize that as an only child the next process will be taking care of my parents. That makes me scared and feel trapped. I also feel happiness for my mom, as she now can focus on her life and not have to take care of her sick father.
My sister got remarried. Interacting that close with another family has made our bond even stronger. Bigger than that, I have come to realize more and more just how fortunate we are to have the connections we have and that I need to express gratitude for it often, not take it for granted and make sure that i am participating.
We became empty nesters! This has led to more quiet time with each other, more opportunities for time and activities as adults. We are adjusting to, and working on, spending positive time with each other including personal attention, healthy eating and exercise. It takes effort to get to know each other again in a new and positive way!
I got into the worst fight with my mother that I've ever had, last year. As it was happening, I didn't speak to her for 6 weeks. She lives across the country. I didn't call her, and I didn't answer her emails. The reason for the fight is not important. But eventually I capitulated and mom got her way. (If I'm being honest, she was right in the first place, but that's neither here nor there.) Thing is, my parents are getting older. My relationship with my mother is close, and it's fairly straightforward--not complicated or toxic, the way some of my friends' are--and I'm lucky for that. I can't believe I ignored her, like a petulant teenager. When it came down to it, I couldn't hurt her feelings with actions as well as words. I guess what I learned was my mom's feelings matter to me and I'll go out of my way, or do something that makes no sense to me, to make her happy, which seems like a lesson I should have learned a long time ago.
Two grandsons turned 16 and the impact on me has been to pray more for their safety. I don't see either of them often enough, so am not familiar with their driving. Though the 'local' one has driven my car several times and he is a careful driver. I think of myself as careful and I have been in several accidents, at least a couple of which were my fault. Though the one where I could easily been killed, was due to a very poorly marked lane ending. The roads are busier all the time, and the number of people driving under the influence is frightening. So I pray ever more!! And I will continue to pray and practice utter trust in God's protection of them and the rest of the family.
Baby J was born. We're now officially a family now that we're THREE. Z has been a wonderful father as the weeks go by and he's getting to know baby. I'm actually learning more about "Spiritual Childhood" as I learn to be a parent. It helps me understand better my relationship with God the Father and even the Blessed Mother. This is strengthening our will, hardening our patience, and inflaming our love in preparation for the time when baby can start saying "no" and needs character formation and guidance.
My sister just got engaged to her long-time boyfriend. They've been together for 8 years and have lived together for 7 of those years. They've certainly had their ups and downs over the years, but I'm inspired by their commitment and, most importantly, their deep friendship.
My husband was in 3 different hospitals in 3 weeks. Kidney stone procedures and he had his gallbladder taken out. The doctor found some malignancy in the lining of his kidney but if it wasn't for the procedure, this might not have been found until it was too late. Things could have been a lot worse but it makes you reflect about health issues much more than ever before. He handled everything ok and he watches his diet. Exercise, not so much. Both of us need to do more in that department.
A major milestone is that we travelled across the world to Israel and had THE BEST time! Before this trip, Bri and I didn't exactly enjoy vacations with the kids, but the success gave us the confidence to travel more. The kids handled the long trip, the hot days, the endless walking and the late nights beautifully which made the whole trip absolutely amazing.
My husband , a Pastor for 35 years , has had a major heart attack and was forced to retire.
The milestone would be getting divorced. It shook me. I questioned whether anyone would ever want me. If I was the asshole I was described as. If I would ever find anyone. It has taken a lot to recover from, and even so I feel I have only done so partially.
My brother got re-married to a great girl. It has not really affected me except that I now have a wonderful sister-in-law that I know will always be there for me if I need her. My son getting on drugs is the other major thing that has happened and it affects me daily in a negative way. I try to have faith and leave it in God's hands and not dwell on it, but sometimes I do thing about it and have great concern for him. I love him so much, and I want him happy and healthy. I tell his this every time I talk to him and I hope he knows it, because he has never had his daddy in his life. It is a hard thing because there is absolutely nothing I can do for him in this situation. But I can and do pray for him. He is in God's hands and I have to believe it will all get better.
Five sisters and one brother got together for the middle sisters 60th birthday. One brother did not make it to this reunion. It was in Texas. This was the second time we had been together since our Mothers funeral in 2012, which included all 7 siblings. I have always had radically different views on religion and politics than all my siblings. These different views were more prominent, and I felt again, as I have countless times, that I do not really belong or have a place in this family. My siblings rarely, (and not at this reunion) ask about my job, or how I am doing, or anything. They get what information they want from a sister that lives close to me. I have no idea what they are told. I do know that my sister who lives closest to me, disagrees with the majority of my life decisions. What my siblings agreed on is that I spend too much time practicing yoga, and spend too much money on healthy food options. I should be only looking for a job...nothing else. I have decided to let go of the non-support my siblings offer. While this is painful, letting go has helped me embrace the life changes that have been given to me.
Both my husband and I have turned 80. He now 81. This is a huge milestone. Surprisingly, very aware what it means. I stayed up till after midnight to be awake when I turned 80. I feel how lucky we are to reach this age and be as healthy as we are. I feel grateful and see so many things in our life are blessings. Especially, when I watch the news. We took a vacation, where we visited my cousins, (who can't come to visit us anymore), my daughter Paula, her significant other, my grandson. We visited Don, and Marilyn in Carmel, as her health is failing. We also celebrated our birthdays by taking a cruise to Alaska and Denali Park. I'm very aware of being on the short end of life. I often say "do this now or buy this now", as your time to do it is getting short. This is not a negative feeling, but one of glad recognition. My husband and I view each day with each other as precious. We love each other so much and treasure each day we still have together. So few people get to be 80. All our lives we never knew how old we would get to be. Now we know we at least get to be 80 and 81.
I have struggled to find an answer for this. I feel like for so many years it was always something - someone dying, getting married, having a kid....always something. But not this year. This year it was almost like coasting. And that is a very strange feeling. I spent more time with my family in the last year than ever before - and it was so nice to spend time with them just because....because I wanted to. Not because I had to. Not because I was expected to. I flew across the country so many times this year because I missed my family and wanted to be near them. And I think maybe this is the first year that I have ever felt that way. So maybe that is the milestone...
Macc was diagnosed with cancer and started chemo. I am devastated. He is my heart and soul, and I don't know what I would do without him. He is thankfully doing well, but could die anytime. The uncertainty is difficult. I try to do what the cardiologist said and treat every day with him as a gift.
My husband and I are getting divorced. It has affected me in almost every way possible. About six months before the separation, I began having regular panic attacks. My mental health has actually improved since the separation. It's affected me physically as well - I stopped having to take my thyroid medication, and my breasts have gone down in size for the first time in my life, leading me to believe that maybe I don't need surgery. And of course it's affected my whole life situation. I'm moving across the country in less than a week. I've been very affected.
I had part two of "the talk" with my parents, the night before I left to Beijing. It was postponed for far too long. I learned a lot, certainly, yet feel as if we -- I -- haven't crossed the finish line. What that finish line even is I haven't quite determined yet. Still, new issues are coming up, for me. Trying to be independent while respecting what my parents want. At (most) times, the two seem mutually exclusive. There's always a solution to relationships. Someone -- I -- could/need to be the bigger person.
My son, my youngest child, became bar mitzvah, it made me realize how fast the time flies, and that I need to spend more time w/ him.
our wedding comes to mind again....it was so humbling and touching to see family and friends coming from all parts of the globe to support and celebrate us. i am deeply grateful and so so blessed to have the people in my life that i do!
My dad was forced into retirement. Unfortunately it made him even less of a planner and I let that affect my vacation plans. My mom was really worried about it. I worry that she's bored and feel guilty for not being there for her. I hope next year I can be more more realistic about my own familial responsibilities and limitations. I also need to be more straightforward about what I need.
My husband's mother passed away this year. It was a big deal for all of us, and created a lot of ups and downs over many months. Going through this myself, and watching my husband and kids handle a range of feelings through it all, made me proud of their emotional depth and secure coping skills. I love our family even more, and feel grateful that we all banded together to be supportive of both his mother, and of each other. Another effect: A strong desire to talk with and see my own mom more often. Want to set her up with wireless so we can communicate even more easily, 'face-to-face,' even across the country. Love you, Mom!
For me it would probably be my parents getting divorced. I went away for school and when I came back, they were both seeing other people and had sold my childhood home. My family would probably say the milestone was my brother being hospitalized. Everyone's hanging on a thread, hoping this was his rock bottom. I've known enough addicts and assholes to not hope for change but to be grateful for when I actually see a change occur. Considering any of the familial milestones: I'm either indifferent or completely enraged. I just don't want anything to do with other people's baggage.
Dad turned 80 The celebration was incredible because it really gave him the Kavod he deserves and he loved hearing all the reflections from friends and family; and I am happy that his grandchildren heard all those stories
My grandpa turned 90 and we had a great celebration for it. He's a hero to me and I'm so grateful to have time with him. He told me that he's going to miss having me so close. My great-aunt died of Parkinson's. She was a very religious person. She was trapped in her own body, with an active mind. I don't know how she kept her faith. She sent cards all the time with nice notes and sometimes some money, even when she didn't have any to give. She loved us and we loved her.
This past year, i fought and won a legal battle with my ex for custodial rights of my son. It was a difficult and emotionally draining year and an extension of the continued pain I had experienced during all the years when I tried to co-parent with her. When I had my son with me, I worked hard to remain neutral and prevent negative talk from happening with him or near him. It is hard to remain neutral when your child is making angry and bitter stabs at your emotional core. But, I was able to keep interactions as neutral as possible. As a result, our interactions this school year have been more positive and less angry- I can only hope he feels the same way
My Dad's death was our major milestone. The whole process of the diagnosis and disease taking my Daddy away has always impacted me, but his death and the grieving process have made its mark. Judaism is truly beautiful in many ways, this is my true first experience going through grieving within the community. The funeral and shiva were overwhelming, and the silence after shiva was terrifying. It is wonderful to see the community we have created for ourselves. I find that because of this disease, I am more patient and compassionate with others. I tend to cry alot more right now. But as mom says, the more tears you cry, the more that person meant to you.
My father being diagnosed with multiple myeloma, his short semi-recovery, followed by his death. Very sad, but it made me much closer to my sisters
Weirdly, the major milestone that comes to mind is kind of a small thing. Since my parents' divorce, my relationship with my father has been strange. We used to be really close, and to some degree will still are, but expressions of closeness are more difficult than they used to be. I've stopped saying "I love you" to him, for example, because he would never say it back. After I moved to Cincinnati, though, there were a few weeks, when I would get random texts from him that were all very touching. Unprompted, in several different texts, he wished me well with my first week of classes, he told me he was proud of me, and he told me he loved me. It's weird to be 37 and still have my father's love and approval seem so important, but I thought it was really touching, and I think it revealed to me that even if he can't say it always, he does still really care about me.
I graduated and my grandmother died. I recognised the second isn't really a 'milestone' but it was a large event in my family. Graduating was good, I am progressing to the next stage of my education (Masters study) which is very exciting. My grandmother passing away was awful, as these things usually are, but I think lots of positive things have come in it's aftermath - I am closer to my cousins, I have a better idea of what I want to do with myself and what goals I'd like to reach because of the introspection that comes when someone close to you passes away.
Not to be redundant, but I quit my job and got a puppy, almost on the same day! These were both big steps for building a happier life. I never imagined that I was the kind of person who would quit her job and take her chances. I never thought I was talented or special or strong enough to do that. My next opportunity hasn't presented itself after 1 month of employment, but that's really not such a long time and I have freelance clients. If I told myself a year ago that this is how it would play out, I think I'd be quite impressed. As for the puppy, obviously Fiona brings me joy. I have wanted a dog ever since I had to part with little Heidi, whose picture still sits on my desk. I missed that love and playfulness, and those little breaks in my day that make it so much faster. I want to live a life that makes me happy at work and home. A loving, well trained dog. A happy, fulfilled man. Time for hobbies and exploration. Deep, meaningful friendship. Lots of variety. I have a lot of hope for those things. Sometimes I feel like I work too hard to enjoy those things. Other times I feel like I don't word hard enough to earn them. Then there are the rare moments that I look around in the present moment and realize that so many of these things are already present, and that so many moments are escaping me unappreciated.
We went on a cruise together and really felt some bonding. It was an experience i'll never forget.
My brother went to prison and I stopped speaking to my mother. Both these milestones have affected me significantly but I am working through them in therapy.
Our son, my "baby" boy, turned 35. As long ago as 4 years ago I began talking about doing some sort of family trip to celebrate -- because our son in law is the same age and his birthday is within a few days of our son's. But it became clear to me that such a large group undertaking was highly unlikely for several reasons not the least of which being personality clashes and differences of opinion. Though everyone is getting along better I'm still sad we didn't go somewhere together. I'm very proud of our son and daughter, their spouses and our three grandchildren. I'd like to spend more than an afternoon or a day together, which is all our geographic distance currently permits.
I think the wedding has been the biggest milestone. It's had a mix of highs and lows. Brought my family together for the big day and that was a lot of fun but it ruined my relationship with my sister. It's like knowing she's incapable of doing anything for anyone else has always been there but it was painfully proven over the wedding weekend.
Maybe the most important family incident this past year was that Patrick didn't invite me to his first-ever Bear Hollow weekend. I still can't really put into words how hurt I was - am - by it, & the conversation that came afterwards was even more hurtful. I still can't imagine how my cousin, my friend, someone I love more than, well, most people, was angry with me for HALF A DECADE & didn't see fit to tell me sooner. He chose to reveal his hurt by uninviting me from a major family event & letting things get as dramatic & hurtful as possible on all sides.. I am still angry with him, & I don't really trust him. I hate that I feel like I have to earn my spot at Bear Hollow now, like if I don't keep Patrick happy enough, I won't get to go back. I'm upset that no one - Dennis, Peter, Anthony - pushed back & told him it wasn't OK. I'm upset that Nathan didn't care. I feel embarrassed, still, & I don't know if I'll go back - next year, ever? We made up, Patrick & me, but, well, it still doesn't feel very good. It's reminded me that you can choose your family, but they can also choose to stop being your family, if they so choose.
This year was full of majors...I honestly don't know what to tell you. In fact, it's overwhelming thinking about it. Piss off.
No major milestones in my family, but my mother is beginning to have health problems and it does make me realize that my parents are aging.
Nan. This is probably the biggest thing to happen to my all year. I am still very confused about her death and how I feel. I miss her yet I don't, because it doesn't feel real. I have always been terrified of her dying, and when it actually happened it was not as hard as I had imagined. I didn't cry properly though, and I don't think I will. It was a mistake to hold back. I also stressed and fussed about the funeral arrangements. I think I helped mum and my aunties, but it didn't help me really. I'm glad we all got to say goodbye, and the first night she was sick, I really realized how close our family was. We even managed to crack jokes (Nan included). I keep forgetting that she is gone and regretting not seeing her more often. Nan was the best :)
This year my brother went to college. It's incredible how much of an impact this has had on me. Mommy has some real life empty nest syndrome, I think she's going to get another dog. He seems to be adjusting well, but I want to protect my little brother from every hardship, every struggle, everything that makes life hard. I'm realizing now that I can't. I can't fix everything, I can't make everything easy. And I shouldn't. He needs to learn and grow and take these challenges in stride. I know that he is capable of anything and everything, and I'm so proud of him for challenging himself.
I feel like milestones are achievements. Can a milestone be a loss? I mourn the loss of my father-in-law, Dr. Stephen H. Greenberg.
I moved out to a smaller apartment in a move to reduce my mother's reliance on me financially. The move to a one bedroom apartment in Chiswick was a partial step, most definitely. While I live in Saltburn she has a place to stay in exchange for taking care of my cat. There is a final push next year when I come back from Yorkshire and I quietly hope that she sees the need to find her own footing. I'm worried equally that she doesn't and I don't find a way to free myself. In other news I got knocked up again. And for the very first time I did play with the idea of keeping it. I had to go to Toronto before I could do anything about it and it gave me 4 days to think it through. But I didn't keep it and I moved on. I knew it was the very last opportunity I have in this lifetime to have a child. This is the only time I've thought back on this time in February. On reflection there is a little sadness, and this surprises me. Perhaps this would have passed if I'd thought about it sooner. I hope it was the right call.
Milestone. Hmmm.... No big anniversaries, no tipping -point birthdays, no school graduations or mortgages paid off, no first grandchild. And I wouldn't consider our remodeling project a milestone. Millstone, maybe...ha! But there is one small personal milestone: my first published poem. This is only the second or third time I have submitted any of my work, and I submitted this time within just a few days of the deadline and picked three poems at random. Although I won no prizes, I will now have finally published and in a respectable two-state venue. That is an achievement in itself, but validation is always encouraging. Perhaps I do have something to say and am competent enough in the craft to say it pretty well. Validation has given me more confidence and a push forward in my writing. Add to that the seed planted with someone's recent speculation that I could become a known poetic voice in this end of the state in my seventies, and I have the makings of a star to follow over the next few years. I have no grand illusions, but I would enjoy sharing my work, exchanging experiences and finding out if my words can give voice to others. In my 30-word bio to be published with the poem I said I was working on my first chapbook. I'd better get back to it. The two-day poetry event I just attended gives me a solid platform for such a project. What I must bring to it is a commitment to get it done.
Shortly after the holidays last year, my father more or less wrote me out of his life. It affected me enormously, as I had just started a short period of time I was intending to spend living in my parents' house. I was set back professionally and personally, and was grateful for good friends who kept me from being entirely homeless for that four-month period. Regardless, it was difficult to jump from couch to couch and live out of suitcases in my car, all while maintaining as much professional dignity as I could. This issue is still not resolved and we haven't been in the same room or spoken more than 10 words to each other in the year since. I'm worried he won't ever respond to me unless I start by claiming personal responsibility for the incident and apologizing, and I also worry that my stubbornness in not being willing to do so comes as a result of being "my father's daughter," and that if I have kids one day I'm in danger of treating them this way as well.
Brianna (my first and oldest) leaving for college! I am excited and enjoy all she is learning, experiencing and figuring out on her own. I miss her consistently being in the home and talking to her face to face and connecting in that way plus realizing this is the new norm and only the beginning with all my kids. It has caused me to reflect on my time and priorities.
There were two milestones in my family this year. The first was meeting my partner. The second was choosing not to start our family until certain financial and living goals are met.
My son's bar mitzvah was the major milestone, I supposed. It was special because I'm not sure it was destined to happen. I'm so glad we committed to raising the children Jewish and I was really proud of my son at his Bar Mitzvah. He did a pretty good job, we had a wonderful celebration and I think he was happy with how things turned out. I enjoy hearing him sing and say his prayers when we are at services. It means a lot to me to be part of the community because it seems so lacking in general in society.
My engagement was greeted by my family with very limited reaction. No one is thrilled. My mom and sister are going to be around for as limited a time as they can. If I think about it, I get really upset, but I guess some people would prefer to have their families stay out of things. Getting engaged has also cemented my acceptance of the path I'm on. I'm going to marry a guy who loves me and takes care of me, and we're going to buy a house and have kids and live happily ever after.
My niece and her husband had to face life threatening events less than two months after they were married. This led me to reach out to and for them more often and from a place of deeper, richer, wider love. For the first time, I felt myself protecting from a stance of love instead of fear and that opened me to be willing to be more vulnerable and more loving everywhere in my life.
I was able to get a visa for my mom to travel and we are planning to meet family abroad after my father became eternal. Kind of a family re-union. I feel truly blessed.
My wife's mother passed away. It hasn't affected me personally because I was not close to her. However it has affected my wife. It is difficult because I know she is hurting but she knows I have had serious difficulties with her family in the past so she doesn't want to share her grief with me. It is making an otherwise difficult year more difficult for us. We push on because that is what we do, but neither of us are happy and we find little comfort or joy in life.
The major milestone that has happened is with me and my husband Mike. Our marriage has been a difficult one, for the past twenty years I believe it has been similar to a rock climbers experience, another wrong step and we would fall to our deaths (divorce). I have begun again to rebuild our relationship due to having to trust him and his contribution to our livelihood. That in itself was one great leap of faith. So here I am hoping that the rest of our lives together will be calm, peaceful and happy. Reality once again hit, and his problem with alcohol rose its ugly head and ruined a long overdue night out with friends. I am not sure what is worse the disappointment in him or the disa ppointment in me for still hoping.
Grandmaman passing away this past year has made me more aware that my parents are getting older, and that no one in the world will ever know you or love you like your parents do.
The arrival of my granddaughter has been a huge milestone for us. She has brought so much joy into my life. And it has brought her father (my son) and I so much closer which is a happy circumstance I hadn't considered when looking forward to her arrival.
Jen and Ben got married! I'm excited to see more of them in the future and really hope their idea of moving to the PNW comes to fruition. Meeting their friends and spending a weekend with all their people was awesome.
My granddaughter turned five. I am sure that I need to live closer to my family, not on opposite sides of the country, and soon.
My brother getting married-- his wife is not Jewish and my mom was not pleased about that (to say the least). It was a lot to navigate. To balance the intense feelings of two people I care a lot about. I think things have finally settled a bit, but I'm wary they won't flare back up at any moment....
My son finished grade school and changed schools--he knows no one at his new school. We are doing okay with this transition so far. It has been very emotional for me to see his grade school years end and leave the school we loved. It is difficult to shake the worry a parent feels over the middle school years and the trials, tribulations, and changes that go with that. I continually remind myself to separate my experience from his. I am grateful we are very close and hope to remain so as he gets older and more "teen-ager-y." Like most things we approach this matter-of-factly and without drama. I am happy to see him mature and take more responsibility for his "job" as a student. I should add that Weds of inservice week we had worked out that he would be in an afterschool program that day. Bu at 5 pm I checked my messages and there were 4 texts from Evan saying he was going to a friend's house and not to worry. We reviewed the "rules" that I thought were clear before and he was on restriction for 3 days from video games. This, and he is only 11. I pray for him every day! Knowing that I must trust him to make good choices...and that will only increase as he ages. God bless him.
No major milestone that happened with my family this past year.....my family is boring......my parents are boring. Nothing good ever happens. We're just too scared to live life and go after what we really want or makes us happy. We are mentally/psychologically weak
No major milestone this past year. This is a relief in some ways, as both of my parents have died in recent years, and those "milestones" were hard to take. On the other hand, my husband and I are continuing to wait for the "milestone" of our 26 year old son moving out of our home, which has not happened in the past year.
My stepsister had a really horrible year; she finally met a wonderful man and moved in with him, and then he suddenly died right after Christmas. His adult children then tossed her out of the house, so she had to scramble for housing. Then, she had a heart attack. This has made me feel more connected to her, but I wish things had gone better for her.
My sister and Anna moved into Apt. 8 on Hawthorne. In many respects, it has drawn all of us closer and it still seems like an unsustainable arrangement in terms of the amount of care giving needed especially for my physically impaired (speech, arm tremors, inability to walk without a walker) bi-polar sister. She's cycled regularly between manic/hypomanic episodes and depression: I've counted at least 8 manic/hypomanic episodes with as many depressions in the last two years. The depression is sad to witness AND such an acute relief from the manic episodes. I have chosen to participate in her and Anna's caregiving and know that it's contributed to my lack of energy to do much else outside of work.
My grandmother went from living on her own to being in assisted living. She can no longer remember my brother's name. She seems to be in a perpetual state of thinking it's Passover. I hate it. I hate the fact that I wasn't able to go see her last year. I hate the fact that I don't know how much of her will be left, mentally, by the time I manage to go see her over Hanukkah. Will she even realize it's Hanukkah? I may have to make her latkes with matzo meal. Katrina goes between understanding how big this is to me and not understanding because her grandmother is so much worse than this. But this is the first time I've seen someone I love start to disappear like this, and I was really close to my grandma at one time. She was the first to accept me for who I am. My parents haven't been able to do that yet.
I don't recall a specific one. I do think we've grown into a good place with each other.
My husband completed the relocation and finally came out to California to live with me. I’ve been living on my own for more than 1 year. Having someone around and having to share space with was a big adjustment again. I have been really struggling with this relationship. I am torn between continuing to pick up the pieces or walking away. I am very unsettled on this front. My mother has turned 75. She is slowing down and realizing her limitations. She is worried about the future and what it holds for her. I am someone she is depending on. I need to be there for her.
30 years since my dad is gone. Still miss him everyday. Still ache but i am learning to love/ honor him without the tragedy repeating replaying. Laurens second birthday... Her third year taliing playing climbing love her
My brother and his girlfriend got engaged. My mother is off my ass for the near future, at least until halfway to their wedding... I would think, definitely not through the wedding.... Here's hoping.
Annie, my niece got married. This is the daughter of my sister that committed suicide. She married almost to the day of the one year anniversary of my sister dying...it was emotional. And added to that, family members that had chosen to avoid each other were forced to socialize. It was awkward. It made me realize how foolish people can be - life is so very short and fragile....are these types of resentments really worth it? This is not what we are here for...in my opinion.
My mother had a light stroke and ended up in hospital. We had to put her house up for sale and it has become an emotionally draining battle to convince her to move out of the house and closer to us.
A major milestone that is upcoming is my parents' 45th anniversary. I'm increasingly aware of mortality... my parents have been together for almost half a century, and their aches and pains are more noticeable with each year. I am no spring chicken either, and I miss spending time with them due to living in a different continent. The anniversary is very important for a number of reasons: it allows me to see my parents in their childhood home (India), I get to create more memories with the extended family, and we get to remind each other of the things that are important in life. I also have higher expectations each year of what a relationship is founded upon and how two people coexist together, despite the ups and downs. It makes me question my ability to find a prospective partner, especially now that I've internalized my parents' critical voice.
It is so great that all 3 children have work that they find challenging, interesting and that supports them! And, they are being recognized for their contributions.
My wife and I both turned 40. With one child in elementary and one in college we are in a very unique time in our lives. I feel pushed and pulled in a lot of different directions. Sort of worn out.
My grandmother and my aunt died. It was my last remaining grandparent, so when she died, it really made my parents the patriarch/matriarch and changed my perspective of where I am in the generational cycle. My aunt's death was tragic because it came unexpectedly and all too soon. But it was also a reminder to not take anything for granted.
I became more distant from my parents. They are so far removed from my life. I can tell it bothers them. But, I don't know if I want to fix it. I want to show them I care though. I'm bad at that. I never felt apart of anything so I don't know how to actually be apart of anything. I'll ponder it out.
I suppose starting a relationship with my dad again. I don't think it's affected me too much though. He still drives me crazy but I'm better at not letting it get to me. The main benefit is not having to feel guilty or like I've abandoned him. I know that when he dies I'll be at peace knowing I did everything I could to repair our relationship.
Stephanie had a baby girl, Hatsie who is adorable. I have been made more aware of the cycle of life and the timelessness of it all.
My father was diagnosed with diabetes, my mother found a non-cancerous tumor on her thyroid, and my brother left for university--only to figure out five days later that he'd made the biggest mistake of his life. I can't help but feel that my family is in this state of unhealthiness. But not for lack of trying. It just makes me realize that the choices I make now will affect me down the road. It's time to be healthier, to take better care of myself in ways my family hasn't.
Uncle Tom dying was a big hit to the family. It made me realize even more how incredibly supportive my family is. It also made me rethink about my faith and increased my desire to get involved again.
My grandfather passed away nearly a year ago and it hurts me everyday. I think about him everyday, and everyday I go though the 7 stages of grief alone in my head. Assuring myself that he is ok and he knows that I'm thinking about him. Strangely I'm relieved knowing that he chose how and when he wanted to go so he didn't have to suffer anymore, he didn't want his family to suffer anymore. He did it his was, he always did.
My niece was born on 21st of May, 2015. At one day my brother become a father, my parents become grandparents and me and my sister become an aunt. This event made me think of my own future and how it will be and what plans I have... It was really strange to realize that everything had changed, because of this. Everything and also nothing. We are a family and this will be (hopefully) forever.
My parents sold 3 sections of land and paid off their mortgage on the remaining land and home. It's made me so happy for them that they've managed to 'get out from under' and start to enjoy their freedom a little. I do wish they would stop waffling on selling the rest of the farm, however. Stay, or go, but do not kill yourself worrying about which would be best for you-I will love you no matter which you choose, or where you live.
We finally got a gravestone for Anne's parents. Her brother hasn't been the most helpful, but then he never is. The unveiling was beautiful, handled expertly by Emily. I miss Ruth much more than I expected to, more than I miss my own mother. It's been hard without her, even though the Ruth I miss left us long before last June. There's a finality to it all, though, now that the gravestone is up.
Abby's family grew by one again, which is exciting, although it doesn't have much of an impact on me. I think more and more about the amount of time we actually get to spend together. The wedding was so fun BECAUSE everyone was together to celebrate; at the end of the weekend, though, they all left! It was so fleeting. As my mom gets ready to retire (again), and Abby continues to grow her family, I find myself wanting more moments where we're all together.
My grandma Mod died this year. It is hard to even type that. I miss the lightness of her being, the happiness she had for little things and just getting to hear her funny little comments on anything. She made our family what it is today, and I cannot imagine my life without my family. Admittedly it derailed me some, I feel like I've let some my self care go, but it is still a great and important reminder to keep doing what we're doing - throw parties, love big and loud, and be together when we can.
Mom had breast cancer. The short of it is that I felt her become more of a person to me, not so much a parent. Obviously she is still my parent. But our relationship evolved in a way that really wiped out the rest of the rensentment I felt towards her. I saw my dad for the sweet, kind, gentle person he is. And I appreicated them for them. For the first time I think. I got over myself. What a relief. And I got to be there for her. Eventually she let me be a support. That felt good. She's done so much for me. It felt right that I could be there for her now. Help her navigate it all at first. So she could get her bearings. I realized how strong we are together.
No major milestones with the family this year. Lost a brave cousin, but we were not close. Although this event might have lead to the family becoming closer to each other.
It would seem I am to old to have my own biological child. I am still processing this, but it has brought me and my partner close in ways I couldn't have imagined. Giving up the dream is a huge step to finding the right family reality.
We passed a year in our new city but we haven't made it a home. We have to make friends here not just hold on to our friends from before we moved.
My son went off to college. He actually left home just a few days after graduating high school because he had a great job as a camp counselor. He came home for 24 hours every 2 weeks, yet I hardly had time to be with him. His leaving the family nest actually began during his junior and senior years at high school so it was not much of a shock when he left. My son has grown to become very independent, but also very loving and kind to all of us. He has even called his younger sister from college just to say “hi”. Knowing this is probably the most wonderful thing about the whole experience. My wife and I are so proud to let him fly away. As his independence has grown, so too has my realization that I need to be more involved in other things.
Losing my parents I've had to reevaluate what my identity is and what I do and do not cary forward and how to operate my mindset now without them here in this world. Their deaths, I've huge amounts of resentment around- trying to let it go. I know it only hurts me emotionally mentally and physically. Reading a lot of my rabi's blog during Rosh Hashana has helped but still no resolution where the heart- ache is concerned.
I'm not too terribly connected to my family. I think it's the best for everyone. So, to be honest, I'm not sure what has happened and haven't been particularly affected by anything in their lives.
One major milestone (of sorts) is that Uncle Pete passed away. It's not a typical milestone, but it's the first non-old-age death in the family. I'm disappointed by how I responded, basically by stepping back and not wanting to intrude on Barbara, Brian, and Elizabeth's space. Me not wanting to intrude turned into me being unavailable as a support. I regret that. I think Barbara and I are okay -- it was wonderful to see her in August, and I think it will be great again in October -- and I think Brian and I will be okay, but I don't know if Elizabeth and I will recover. Now that I've experienced several deaths of friends and family once-removed, I know that I need to up my game in supporting immediately, not just three months later like with Barbara and Ray.
Realizing at this age that my family is dispersed and is likely to remain so .... a realistically sad situation
Poopy died.
No significant milestones but my sisters and I did a sisters retreat in Florida. My younger sister and I flew down to Florida to visit my older two sisters. We spend a weekend with both their families and Sunday morning we left for a lovely two days on our own. It was incredible because, though our family is nuts when we are all together with the kids etc, ultimately, we love each other and get along. Though sometimes every day challenges pop up. I'm grateful I have my sisters to support me. Even with the most recent dating experience, they would have been there coaching me through it.
We moved, again. But this time for more than a new position, also for a lifestyle that fits us better. So far so good.
The death of Granddad changed a lot of things in the family. Grandma as a widow has made a lot of things better, though, she leads her life in the now, caring more for herself. That mom continues to support her so extensively makes me happy, and makes me realise just how little i'll have to do with any of my family, once my grandmothers are gone.
After my husband was hospitalized, my family came for a short time to help me. Unfortunately, it only forced a lot of issues for us to the surface. It made me realize that I don't need to carry any negativity in my life in order to fulfill any obligations. That includes any obligations to my family. I don't have to keep negative people in my life because it's what I'm supposed to do. Being a part of my family means that I love and trust you, not that I must endure whatever suffering you bring to my door.
See question 1!
On Sept. 20th, my grandpa Stanley died. But because of his death, I got to see almost my entire family on my mom's side, and I got to speak and sing at the funeral, which I know he loved wherever he is. His death mainly makes me feel old, as I prepare to turn 24, which isn't old at all - but is the age when grandparents tend to die. I watched my mom take such good care of her mom, and I hope I'm able to be so proactive when my parents die.
With out a doubt the passing of my Grandmother, Jenanette M Ryerson, my last surviving grandparent and the matriarch of our family. I'm grateful that she lived as long as she did, with her wits about her as long as they were, and that we were as close as we were. I glad she passed away before the suffering was too bad. I'm thankful we could all be there at the end. But it's hard. It hurts. I still feel numb a lot of the time. I wish we had more time. I wish i'd used it more wisely. I wish i'd better expressed my love and gratitude.
My brother got married (not affected me too much duh). My dad has continued to decline but I've more or less come to terms with it. My mom has been considering selling the house I grew up in, which I know would be good for her but wouldn't make me very happy. She's been looking at new houses and its not my favorite thing (mostly because they are all smaller/less grand and in not as good locations). I'm very attached to the house and it holds so many memories and I know we all have to move on at some point but I think it'll be hard if/when she sells it. UPDATE: and she bought a house. Its a great location, but will still be a big change. We'll see how it goes, but I'm sure it'll be hard still
I am down to my last grandparent. My father's mother died in late May. We all went down to the funeral on St. Croix. It was bittersweet as she had stopped remembering me as I am now quite some years ago. My grandfather turned 89 on February 24 and my Mimi will have been dead five years on November 18. So, things are going to go down in the next couple years. I'm suddenly feeling the pull of family and the need to do things so that my grandfather can experience them before he passes. My Mimi and I always joked that she would be around until she could hold my child in her arms. Yet here we are.
My father's passing. I have now lost a parent. I will never feel his critical gaze again, never hear his gentle reading voice. But his love, his gratitude, his touch, are all still with me. I feel like I know now what it is to grieve someone you love. My father, who taught me so many things (to appreciate natural beauty, music, silence), has now taught me this. It somehow feels appropriate that he should have been the one to teach me this lesson.
I can't think of a major milestone for my family this year.
Mom had a health scare. I'm glad she didn't actually have cancer though it feels more like a ticking time bomb, but I am also glad that we could see how the family pulls together, circling the wagons.
The milestone has given me the opportunity to love more of my family again.
We moved back to the NY area. What a move. We have a much larger social life, many more opportunities to fulfill our passions, and more places to see and visit. Getting around is much easier. Our kids see the family much more often, which is really nice. It was hard to move but now that we are settling in, I am getting happier.
Probably my mothers recent health scares and just how terrifying it is to think about their mortality. Hopefully she gets taken care of and gets healthier and is around for a really really really long time.
After a few tough years both my husband and I are fully employed. It has made life so much happier and hopeflu for us!
I am regularly amazed watching my nephew grow into a little man. It inspires me to create and structure my life in a way to support him and add amazing experiences to his life. I want to create a life that allows Meg and I and other female friends to live in community in our old age.
I retired. Today. I don't know how it will be, but I think it will be great.
The major events of the past year were getting married, mom's diagnosis, and changing careers. Mom's cancer diagnosis doesn't seem like a milestone but had the biggest impact on me. I'm learning that I am more resilient than I thought. That I have a great community of support. That I'm so incredibly lucky to have the mom that I have and that I can savor my remaining time with her.
Our daughter started college across the country. We helped launch her and had prepared through a lot of therapy to move ahead with our 'third stage' of married life. But she had a very hard time, questioning her career, feeling isolated, breaking down. And then over her holiday break, decided to take a leave of absence. This left her in a state of uncertainty, and us back in parenting mode. We lost track of each other as we focussed again on her and our jobs. Late in August, we pushed her to get into school and to our surprise, she chose to return to New York! It s good to see smiles on FaceTime, and now my husband and I find ourselves returned to the time after the launch, facing each other once again...
After 25 years of working at a small private university, my mom retired. At her retirement celebration, it was both moving and inspirational to hear people pay tribute to how she had touched their lives and made a lasting contribution to the university. It's also been wonderful to see her move into a more relaxed chapter of her life, even as she continues to bless others with the benefit of her years of professional experience and personal insight.
I came out to my sister and parents. It's been pretty good, actually, though there was a pretty major wave of awkward. I think my mom felt really bad I didn't feel like I could tell them. Grandma's also been really touch and go. She broke her hip and then she's having that issue with recovering from surgery after her blockage. It's freaking me out a bit. I hope she gets better, but I"m also worried she might not. It's...not a good feeling, to think I'm losing a grandparent who's been so loving and supportive. I guess all I can do is hope and send good thoughts, right?
I think the largest one for our immediate family was buying our first home. It feels great! Somehow, we found everything we wanted - even with our competing priorities - and it really feels like where we belong. We've had lots of guests stay with us in our first few months, which has been great too.