Describe a significant experience that has happened in the past year. How did it affect you? Are you grateful? Relieved? Resentful? Inspired?
I came to a deep and lasting forgiveness for my ex husband. Released resentment, fear, oppression. Choose to bless him, see him as on his divine path. Felt affection for him as for an old friend.
My uncle passed away last year. Uncle Clancy battled a cancer diagnosis for years. There was a time when we were confident he had overcome the challenge and a time when we knew we should prepare for the worst. While I knew I needed to brace myself for his passing, I wasn't prepared for the torrent of emotions that flooded me for months. He was the sort of man that was both impossible to miss and easy to overlook. There was always a profound possession of awareness that seemed to inform Clancy's viewpoints, but he rarely shared them - at least not with me. His death sent shock waves throughout our family. It triggered and reopened old wounds that had never really closed. The Walsh family tended to them with obsequious and heartbreaking regularity. I'm not sure I can ever forgive some of them for it. Clancy was always the eye of that storm - relentlessly calm despite being the center of his own family's malevolence. Even so, I know how much it hurt him. I recall my mother and by association, my siblings, doing our best to convey our loyalties through unspoken behaviors. Even so, I deeply regret never telling him directly how much it pained me know that he was being mistreated by his brothers and sisters. By his Father. Sometimes I feel I played a hand in that by not being more forthcoming with my own compassion towards him. Death has a way of restructuring our priorities, albeit temporarily.It allows us to perceive the past and present with a different level of clarity, but it seems that more often than not we fail to learn from our observations in those moments. For my part, it compelled me to reevaluate my own relationship with death. I am grateful for that. On my desk at work is a small book, titled the "Little Book of Wisdom". My family holds the firm belief that every book requires an inscription, regardless of circumstance. The inscription for this particular book indicates that it was a Christmas gift given by us to our Uncle 15 years ago. Nearly every day, I open and read a few pages from it. It helps me remember my Uncle, and appreciate him. I'll always be grateful for that as well.
I became comfortable with myself Started meditation My mantra LEAD WITH LOVE I AM Grateful
In February, I was having drinks with a colleague from a former employer. We hadn't seen in each other in quite some time, and so we spent several lovely hours catching up and talking about our lives and what might be next for each of us. She had reminded me of a time several years prior when she was facing whether to return to school to finish her BA. The program would require a little less than two years of her time, but she was concerned about how much work it would be, how much it would take her away from her family and one-year-old daughter. At the time, I asked her what she was doing two years ago, and asked her to reflect on how quickly two years pass by. I think that helped her make the decision to go back to school, and she even earned a master's degree to boot. it's good when, without realizing it, you can help people make critical decisions that free them to move forward with their lives. And it's good when that favor gets returned. Later that evening, I noted her tattoo sleeve, and told her how I had always wanted to have a sleeve of my own. She looked at me and said, without much energy, "Do it!" There was something deep about her imperative that freed me. I didn't really need permission from someone else, but the direct, bracing answer woke me up: stop dreaming about things. Just do them. So I did. I researched the online portfolios of local artists, found one that really resonated with me, and made an appointment. Seven months later, my sleeve is 70% complete, and it's more amazing and beautiful than I could have ever hoped. And. Getting a tattoo sleeve was, ultimately, giving myself permission to follow through on something that meant the world to me. And it required that I actually commit to doing it. That I commit to sharing my ideas, my hopes, my concepts. That I had to make myself vulnerable. What if the artist thought my ideas were stupid? What if he challenges me--who am I, after all, to have tattoos related to Buddhism when I am such a bad Buddhist? I have spent the past several decades learning how to not ever make myself vulnerable. Step one: don't share your deepest, most important truths with anyone, lest they mock you or turn those truths against you. And so my truths were mine alone, not to be shared. Sure, I told people I was Buddhist, but I rarely talked to them about why. About how Buddhism both demands personal responsibility while acknowledging that the world is out of our control. About the misalignment of who we are with reality, or, as John Rechy described in "City of Night," "the heart is made to yearn for what the world can't give." That compassion and kindness matter more than just about anything. And I haven't talked about how Buddhism has changed me...how it's helped me to become less anxious, more present, kinder, more compassionate. , The sleeve changes that. I am now literally wearing my heart on my sleeve.
My daughter got married! I'm ecstatic! I had a stroke. I lost the sight in my right eye. Am I grateful? I am accepting. Nonetheless, I am quite thankful - not only that the incident wasn't worse, but for the continuing realization that a Higher Power is working in and (sometimes) through me.
Cubs win the world Series -- Affirmation that hope is not futile and that fate is not written in stone... had resigned ourselves to just making it, down 3-1 in the series. Never give up hope. Never! Trump became President -- Disaster. It is a reminder of what happens when we take for granted the foundations of what we hold dear around us. He caught Democracy sleeping, assuming that someone else would be the strength to overcome the evils he was awakening. All is not lost, but we need more than hope in this scenario, we each need to take action and bring back love, respect, honor, integrity, science, and honesty through our lives to counteract this threat that his presidency brings to the fabric of our society
John's inability to drive has significantly shifted responsibilities. I am grateful to know he is otherwise well and that he has begun to adjust to this major change. I am coming to grips with the change in my responsibilities.
This past year I decided on a new career path. I'm a social worker but have never worked in a clinical setting. I decided to get my license and open a private therapy practice, which I'm in the process of doing now. I'm really excited about this change and very grateful that I figured this out and went for it just in time for my kids to go to middle school. The move has given me a renewed enthusiasm for my career and my future.
This year, I took a new position in the school. I was very apprehensive about giving up my old position because it seemed very stable. When I finally made the decision to do this with no loss of salary; only a loss of duties, I started to feel a huge sense of relief. It was as though I could feel stress physically peeling off my body. I enjoyed the old role because of the challenge but I was happy to have had the experience, moving on to a more streamlined and manageable role in my department. It reminds me that we sometimes don't realize the effect something has on us until we let it go! I had the greatest summer at work EVER!
I was harassed online by a mentally ill person who doesn't know me, but targeted me because of my position at work. I was overwhelmed with fear and anxiety in a way I had not been before, and angry that my employer did virtually nothing to protect me. Ultimately I left my job, relocated, and try not to obsessively check his blog to see what he is up to. I am still angry, and I am resentful that I felt forced to leave a team I hired, trained, and loved! The thing is, it also forced me to make some changes that I might have otherwise not made, and take some risks to start something new on both the personal and professional fronts. The experience of being the new gal at work has been harder than I thought, but has made me lean out of my comfort zones. I have learned much about my strengths and weaknesses. It has also made me be more deliberate in my planning for the future--I am getting more in touch with what I want for the rest of my life. I am grateful that I have choices and some resources to make decision and set course.
my bestfriend had her second child in february. i ove her so much. she gets bigger and bigger every time i see her.
Turning of the Board to better dynamics, respect, democracy. Feeling more hopeful
I began my conversion to become Jewish. Started to attend Shul in January then was accepted formally to begin the conversion process in June. I am very grateful and inspired.
I enrolled and participated in ESP Higher Learning, the first time in the company that they have done. It affected me because despite my own agreement and not seeing how it would be possible for me to make it happen, I did. It took a lot those last two weeks and despite the pain it came together and I made the move. I am grateful because I find the work to be stimulating, life changing and consistent with the life and person I want to be. I am relieved when I got the move done because it was non stop action and I did feel on fire but it was nice to get back to work and other things. I am inspired that I can do that and so much more is possible for me. I dont always connect with that but I want to keep doing so.
My best friend died last August. I have been so sad and confused.
The birth of my beautiful baby boy, David Vedder, on April 18th filled my heart and family from a void that I did not know existed. I felt proud, relieved and grateful. The election on the other hand has filled me with daily anxiety and terror on the future of our county. It's scary the invitation of hatred and bigotry that appeared within the last year too. This is the not the world that I want to bring my children up in as there is a resurgence of fear of antisemitism and the ability to feel safe a Jew.
My Bat Mitzvah. I now have more responsibilities, like fasting on Yom Kippur (eek!) and I will have the chance to choose if I keep Kosher. I am a little relieved now that I no longer have to go in for Bat Mitzvah lessons, but I am a little sad that it is over. I am also a little more inspired to take initiative with my Jewish identity, with opportunities such as reading Torah.
My Bar Mitzvah. It affected me because I am now considered a man in Jewish culture. I am grateful and relieved because it took a while to prepare for it.
In the past year my husband and I sold our first home and purchased a new home. I am grateful to be able to afford a larger house in a significantly better school district for our son. But leaving behind the house my husband and I bought together right after we were married and then started our family in was far harder than I had imagined. I love our new house and our new neighborhood and the wonderful new memories we will have here, but I can't help feel the sadness of leaving our little old house behind.
At age 52, I applied for grad school, was accepted, and enrolled. I was relieved when I was accepted, because I'm essentially retraining to earn a better living, but now that I'm in school full-time, I'm completely stressed out, waking at 3 or 4 in the morning, and focusing on the 1 point out of 10 that I didn't earn on a response essay. All my old perfectionistic tendencies are coming back and damaging my peace of mind. However, I started a Facebook group for women who have enrolled in this program as a second career, and I've discovered we're all feeling this way to some degree. We're sharing our experiences and strategies for making grad school more enjoyable—imagine that! I get to enjoy my work! I get to strategize about how to do that. I get to build community to foster that lesson and so many others, and to spread the help further than just the limits of my own day.
This past March, my stepmother died, and it made me sad because I no longer have the chance to ask her any questions about my father. Also, her death marks the end of all the people in the generation before me, who are/were attached to me -- my parents of course, my aunts, my uncles, and now my stepmother. My stepbrothers and stepsister had a memorial service for her in Nashville, maybe in August (?) but didn't invite me, or even include their spouses, from what I could tell from Facebook account posted by Karen. I think this heightened my awareness, or re-awakened it, that I am so detached from family members. That is a sad thing.
This past year, was my first year as a "real adult." It was my first year in the real world, outside of school, working hard to make it by and be happy with myself and what I was doing. It was a struggle to say the least; I had to take it one day at a time. Some days were amazing and worth celebrating, but other days were miserable and lonely and confusing. All of my years of education couldn't have prepared me for the bitter-sweetness of the real world. But I have grown so much through the experiences that I've had so far. In particular...this year, I started my grown-up journey with Public Allies (AmeriCorps) and entered the nonprofit world - hesitantly, but also excited and intrigued. I had no idea what to expect...and I was pleasantly surprised. I have never participated in such a diverse group of friends and leaders with so many diverse passions and talents. At times, it was a whirlwind. Obstacles can be discouraging and personal growth is exhausting and emotionally taxing. But I am so proud of the work that I've done this year - not just the work I did with my placement organization, but the work I did for the community...and for myself. I'm suddenly starting to catch a glimpse of who I might like to be and it is such an exhilarating relief. I'm trying new things, learning new lessons, and enacting positive change, one step at a time. I'm thinking about and trying things I've never considered before. Before, I could never have imagined this life for myself, but now? I can't imagine doing anything else. Don't get me wrong...I'm still finding my way. I still don't have all the answers (not even close). But finally - for once - I feel like, just maybe, I'm on my way.
I have a few things. 1. I hit 39,500 subscribers (ALMOST 40,000)! This is crazy. Last year for my 10Q I'd written, I just hit almost 20,000. This means I gained 20,000 subs in a YEAR. I am amazed and totally confused. Why do people like my channel? What is it about me that keeps drawing people in? TBH lately I've felt very lackluster and bland (this is because I'm doing student teaching and I'm in training for Aladdin's right now, and it's leaving no room for #fun or #relaxation. More to come on this in later 10Q's this year. Stay tuned.) So it is extra baffling to me how I even did it. 20K in a year. If this continues in this pattern, that means in 3 more years, I'll be at 100K. Sweet Baby Jesus. 2. I lost my v-card. I don't like the word "virginity" so I'm using "v-card" as a buffer. But yeah. It happened. Technically it was July 7th. But the OFFICIAL time (if ya know what I mean) was August 5th. I feel normal about it most days. I'm removed from it. Which I guess is interesting and unusual? I think it was around May when I realized I finally felt comfy with the idea. I knew it was going to be with Jack. and I knew it may or may not happen this summer. Depending on where we were at. (This summer was when Jack came back to the US so we could work at camp together again. It was also our first chance at actually being "short distance" and seeing what that's like. So in my mind, it was a make or break kind of thing. I didn't know in May if we would make it through the summer still together and happy. SPOILER ALERT: we did end up happy and it was so FULFILLING and ALL-ENCOMPASSING and wonderful to get the chance to be with him nearly every day for 3 months straight. Anyway back to the sex thing. So I had a hunch it would happen this summer. And it did. In order for me to prepare for it, I had to convince myself it already happened. In my head, and how I talked around other people, I had to play the part of a girl who's already had sex. I did this like half-consciously, I think. It took a lot of the pressure off when the time came. We tried once in Cleveland in May, the m0rnign after the Franz Ferdinand concert, but I sort of regret that. I wasn't totally ready. I'd felt guilty about not "putting out" the night before. I felt like he expected it. I should have stood up for myself and stuck to my gut feeling. The sex didn't work anyway. He couldn' get in and I was stressed (which causes the vag muscles to contract, it's called something but I forget). Jack was really understanding about the whole thing. I was visibly frustrated (I think I cried) bc i was mad at myself for doing it before I was ready and my body was literally proving to me I wasn't ready. So I betrayed my body and that felt awful. Also I was mad it didn't work bc this moment was a LONG time coming and it didnt work and I panicked that I wouldnt be able to have sex. Jack was comforting and cool thru it all. It was nice of him to not freak out. Sometimes I can't tell if he will get all ragin' or if he will be cool. Usually, with me, he almost never gets mad. It's other people/things he explodes at. SO. We tried a few times after that in July mostly, the one time he did actually get in was July 7th, the night of Allie Newhouse's wedding. I've bled every time. And it HURT every time. Like a LOT. Rom-coms did not prepare me for the reality of first-time sex. Thanks, The Notebook. Also we had some trouble with the lube/condom situation. (We used vaseline, not knowing that's oil-based and it breaks the condom.) I've had to take the morning-after pill twice. It screwed up my periods bad, I still don't think I'm on a consistent schedule. I've talked a lot about losing my v-card, but sorry, Future Me, it was an important milestone for me. And this is the first time I've gone into it in detail besides with Lily, my Pool of Sexual Wisdom. And briefly to David, whom I had told in May I would tell if it did happen this summer or not. The last time Jack and I tried, it worked and we count as the "officially" because he finished. (I'm still gonna count July 7th in my head as my own official first time, just bc it felt legit and he did "enter".) Sex is a work in progress. It's a learn-as-you-go sort of thing. And losing your v-card is a strange thing. Especailly for a 22 year old. It felt normal, but also a bit scary leading up to it, and by the time it happened, I was like "okay. cool. so now what??" I can't use "I've never had sex" in a game of Never Have I Ever. I also don't have to lie about it and put a finger down if that question ever comes up in that game. If I ever reveal to anyone I've had sex (which may be a while for me unless it's already a topic of conversation)... I will advise them to do some research before it happens. Expect it to hurt a LOT. It will def hurt more than it is pleasurable. And expect to bleed the first few times. Also it doesn't really feel good at first, and it does at the same time. It's a weird mix of pain-pleasure for me. Hopefully I get to a point w Jack that it is just a happy time. Also go to a gyno before it happens. I meant to do that but it didn't work out. I still have to go. Hashtag oops.
One big experience is when I was in 8 grade a kid african american make me a lot of bulling for that reasons i am so quited
My nephew passed away 2 days before his 32nd birthday. I gave him a kidney in 2001. I was there holding his hand when he passed. A part of me literally died with him that day. The loss came months after my mother and her brother passed away within weeks of each other. I now want to do everything I can to be healthy and stay around for my kids. I also want to do things I enjoy and not put them off. Drama and pettiness are just not worth my time.
Nothing
My wife and I spent 3 weeks in Israel, culminating in our participation in Shacharit at Robinson's Arch, celebrating my grandson having become a Bar Mitzvah. I am always filled with feelings of profound gratitude when I visit Israel. Having been born the same year as the State, and having had a mother who was very active in Pioneer Women, I have watched Israel evolve over the past 60+ years (I can't claim particular awareness during my earliest childhood years). Each time I visit Israel, I marvel at the changes that have occurred since my last visit. That sense of wonder is tempered by the pain I feel as I witness the pain caused by those who refuse to accept and embrace the myriad ways of expressing our Judaism and love of Torah. Current tensions between the Haredi and non-Haredi communities. Of course, at the end of the day, the joy and pride of sharing the experience of my Grandson being called to Torah for the first time eclipsed all else.
Trump's election brought out everyone's passions. When my synagogue offered healing to everyone after a brutal campaign, the people on the right took that as an insult. So I reached out to them and found they had the exact same frustrations and fears that I had. I came away relieved that there are so many people in this country who reject the superficial politics that dominate the news cycles. People also reject the left/right polarization and just want people who will work for practical solutions. That gives me hope. I am just hopeful people stay engaged.
I tore my acl playing football. I hated the fact that I couldnt play at first but now I am grateful that I went through that. I learned how to protect myself and I learned about my body.
hurricane harvey was a bad experience for some families because they lost everything and have to start all over.
I got a new puppy and her name is daisy she still plays like a puppy and still acts like a puppy. yesterday I came home and she tore up a cvs bag my mom got. I am so happy that we got her she brightens my days up everyday. she is my sunshine. my little sister. she has a red curly coat.
A number of people I know died from addiction related complications and suicide. It made me realize that I want to live. That I am not ready to die and that there are things I want to accomplish in my lifetime. I want to be here.
I graduated with my Masters and got a job right out of school at an Ivy League institution! Therefore, I moved a few states away to an area where I didn't know anyone, so that's been a giant change, but it's so nice to know that the strife and sucky times I went through were not for nothing.
Two new grandbabies born this summer, so five total new little people in my world. Business took a steep nosedive. I have long seen that this slow-down was coming due to changes in the larger world and have been looking forward to retirement. Now that retirement is near - likely in the next 12 months - I am surprised how unsettled, even scared, I feel. I am in the mental habit of chafing at constraints on my time, but have not been good at just sitting and daydreaming. Or making and maintaining friendships outside my family. Can I learn? Or will I dive into other projects that will replace the old working restraints with new ones?
I deal with a continuing experience every year .. the loss of my husband in 2008. I am finding grief is a misunderstood emotion that differs for all, evolves but not a stage in life - it becomes a daily part of your life.
The most significant thing to happen to me in the last 12 months was probably the decision to go back to uni (for the third time). This time tuition isn't free but I hope to have picked a subject that will interest me enough to push through and finish.
This past summer was very slow, work-wise for me. I had a full 4 months off. ( I work as a freelance digital artist) My husband suggested at the beginning of the summer that we try going to a CrossFit gym in our town. We both are seeing so many healthful benefits not only to our bodies as a result, but making friends with good people as well. I just went back to work this week, and today I went to the 6am class before I'm headed to work. I feel great!!! I officially love it and I am getting healthier and on my way to being in the best shape of my life.
I dropped out of graduate school, got sober, and spent two months traveling alone with my dog. My mind is so clear now, I can't believe the fog I was walking around in for so long. I have a new sense of purpose and direction, but I also find that making a bunch of changes makes me feel like nothing else in my life is stable or reliable either. So I'm relieved and grateful and hopeful, but I'm also nervous about my attitude toward my marriage and my other commitments.
I ran a 40 mile race, raised $5,000 for Covenant House Philadelphia and celebrated my 36 birthday. I lost my love for running. Maybe its lack of time but the motivation I just inherently had has escaped me. The euphoria after the race was unlike anything I have ever experienced but I cant seem to find the race or event to kick start my running again. I am grateful for the experience but mourning my love of running.
I was engaged this year, and as a 31 year old woman, I can say it is the most humbling experience I've ever had. Is it possible that someone would take me on, as my whole self, after 31 years? As females grow, it seems like a self fulfilling proficy that you get married young, have babies, make your family proud. But I focused on my career and finding the right person, creating a thought that, it may just be me myself and I doing this for a long time, taking care of me. But, when I was asked, through the surprise, I felt a humility. Someone asking you to be theirs, and you accepting, is an incredibly humbling moment, where you can feel your true self shine through.
My daughter Shulamit being born healthy and happy. I am Very grateful and thankful everything has turned out well! I am relieved that she is Doug well! I am inspired by her joy for life and happiness.
Found out that my step-father has not honored my deceased mother's wishes and has, effectively, stolen my entire inheritance. As I've recently become disabled, that inheritance was my safety net. I feel so angry and foe the first time in my life, truly know hatred. My trust was used against me and I feel so utterly broken.
New position at work - initially relieved and grateful but after a lot of unforeseen issues arising, resentful and stressed. Hoping to resolve the issues and get back to relieved and grateful again!
I found out that the health problems that have caused my 25year long chronic disability are caused by an antibody they discovered in me 22 years ago but discounted. I developed another serious blood clot this January which led to the dx finally a few weeks ago of APS or Hughes Syndrome. I am still filled with deep mourning, relief, sadness and anger that I have lost my entire prime of life, career, earning potential etc because I was not given simple blood thinners so long ago. Because as a woman I was dismissed for so long. I am now coming slowly to a place of gratitude that now there is an answer, a little fear of what the future might hold, and a bit of determination to kick this thing in the ass and make the best of it.
In the past year, I changed jobs and moved cities. It has been one of the most revitalizing experiences of my life. My personal life has improved, as I've returned to old, comfortable friendships. My work life feels fulfilling and inspiring again. I am closer to my family and make time to see them. It was a huge relief to be offered this position, to start at an institution I admire, and to buy my first home! This transition will undoubtedly lead to my overall happiness this year.
Building a new home in a foreign country. I am both grateful but yet it has been a trying time dealing w/in laws/ext family. If I knew what family problems I was going to encounter I would've never moved here and most definitely never would've built. This family is not what I thought it would be. I've countered resentment and envy from this family. I have also seen that when you built regardless if it's family doing it for you and you're paying them make sure to get everything written down on paper and signatures for any future problems as we are in countering at this time.even though all this is happening and it has been a very frustrating year I am still proud of what I've accomplished so far.
After discovering with confirmation he stole my trash. I was able to stop crying and wuestioning my sanity over his stalking because I had confirmation my suspicisions are valid
I ended a relationship that I thought would be great for my daughter and future, but ended up being very toxic and instilled way too much anxiety into my life. I am grateful that I ended it, but am upset that I wasted 9 months of my time.
A few days ago we celebrated the birth of our second child, a daughter this time. We waited a long time and worked very hard to get and stay pregnant with her and we are so unbelievably blessed.
My son and his wife moved to Colorado. We have shared life deeply through the past 5 years, through A & A's dating, their engagement, wedding and first two years of their marriage. We have had influence and been influenced by them. We have laughed, dined, traveled, made art, and processed life together, sometimes being together as many as three times a week. I am simultaneously proud of them for taking this step to make a dream come true, jealous of their courage, angry that they could leave us behind, and broken-hearted that we will never again know their lives like we have. I feel shame that i am not better at letting go. After all, I've had friends and family who have lost children to death. What is this, compared to that? My heart hurts. I really need to cry but I am editing my own tears.
I fell and blew out my knee, and was unable to walk for several months. I’m grateful that I’m now recovering and can walk unaided.
I worked the hardest I have ever worked to finish and defend my thesis- which I am damn proud of. That was definitely significant. I don't think I have ever tried as hard as that before. Or focused as much. I was in a crazy state for a month. I wrote and rewrote and learned brand new software that no one knew how to use. I analyzed my data and incorporated comments from my advisors. And I think I made it coherent. I definitely felt good about my defense. It's hard to describe this experience- I was in a daze, and while I did some other significant things in that time (side note: I also climbed Katahdin with Rosie! It almost killed me, particularly coming down, but I am so glad I got to experience that with her, and see what a badass she is!), I was constantly mentally consumed by how I could better explain a concept or how I would fix pieces that needed fixing. It was stressful. And I am grateful for it to be over. But there is something great about working towards something and recognizing that you are doing all of the work by yourself and that the accomplishment is yours. Yes, I had significant help from my committee, but they pointed out the problems; I had to find the solutions. I just don't think I've accomplished something like this before. Maybe onwards to a Ph.D.? lol not for a while at least.
I started foster care this year and have two wonderful boys in our house that we are hoping to adopt. It's changed my outlook on absolutely everything. My mother died this year. It doesn't seem fair that I can become a mother and lose my own so soon in succession.
I broke up and got back together... and broke up and got back together again and again with my now ex-boyfriend. It was a vicious cycle that made me miserable, but also taught me how to protect myself, how important my self worth and dignity is, and how to see the world in a new, more realistic (albeit jaded) light. I am less carefree than I was before this experience to say the least, but I am significantly more mature than I was 2 years ago. I've also steadily realised, you really can only depend on yourself, and you need to be strong enough to do so. I am strong enough, I am resilient enough, and I will not let this take away from my future happpines.
I fell in love with the most amazing woman, she challenged me mentally and pushed me to keep on working on achieving my goals, being the best version of myself and helped me love again.
Are you kidding me? There is only one possible answer to that. The stupid, horrible, no good, very bad 2016 election of cheeto-head. It was, quite literally, life-changing, propelling me into public service in a way I am not entirely happy about. I'm not sure I want to go into public office. On the other hand, I'm recognizing skills I have and my obligation to repair the world at this time. And, reluctantly, I am grateful and inspired by the opportunity. Oh, and have I mentioned that I'm terrified by what the future may hold and that inspires me to work.
I was asked to be the store manager of a Spirit Halloween. I feel like I'm not right for the job, that I'll be disastrous at it. I'm going to try, but I'm massively afraid of failure.
My wife and I arranged for a town hall meeting for a Congressional Rep who refuses to meet with his constituents. We expected 350 people, and about 2,000 people showed up, another 19,000 people watched it online, and another 28,000 people have watched the video since. It was an overwhelming experience that brought together people of all political persuasions, cultures, age, and beliefs. It was a true testament to our innate civility that is gjvrn few opportunities these days. People were polite and passionate; vocal, but not disruptive. Most of all, they showed what true community means. I will never forget it, and it will always inspire.
The election of the POTUS. I am resentful, angry, feel a bit powerless, and depressed about the direction in which the world is going. I see now that we don't necessarily move forward, but sometimes take huge steps backward in our evolution.
Traveled to Germany to see the villages where my (Jewish) grandparents (and family for many generations) lived, and were forced to flee. I am grateful for the experience and meeting so many kind and interesting people. Also pained by confronting this history. I felt vulnerable and tender, even though I personally felt safe and welcome there.
I was terminated from my job. It was one of the scariest things that has happened to me for a lot of reasons. I'm still trying to sort out my feelings and not feel at fault. I realized I have an amazing partner and support network. I was so sad and lonely for a long time and am not yet doing work that feels great but I have a bit more hope these days than when it happened.
Going back to school for a masters after getting laid off. After continuously working for 31 years, going back to school was refreshing, I am grateful that I did have the opportunity to go back as a full time student at the ripe age of 52 years old.
In May, we hired an au pair. There were two primary purposes: to add another language to our toddler's budding brain, and to give me a sizeable break during my husband's long work hours. It has been a very interesting experience. Overall, I am happy with the arrangement, although it is different than I envisioned in many ways. However, I do get lots of free time to do things, and my daughter is picking up two new languages.
I started a business. It was been an eye opening experience, as I thought I'd planned accordingly but have since realized the workload, stress, and reward is far beyond what I expected. I'm extremely proud of myself for taking this step, but have learned I have no time to sit back and think about what I've done, because I am far from where I want to be. Although,Waking up and answering only to me is the best thing in my life.
I made a choice to be in a healthy, available relationship. As I'm a relatively open communicator, I'm surprised at how difficult it is to navigate honesty in a way that doesn't get filtered incorrectly. I am grateful to be loved deeply but I do miss a previous person and the connection we had despite my current relationship feeling connected and supporting. I find I'm still conflicted by the future.
I started working again after 2 years of retirement. I am grateful and somewhat disappointed that I needed to return to work for the money.
My team starting gaining significant traction, being invited to lead work with some of the highest level people in the company and all around the world. I am incredibly grateful and inspired by it, because it means that hard work has paid off in more great work, recognition, and opportunities to explore the world in new ways.
I got divorced and now I feel very grateful and relieved.
I graduated college with a Bachelor of Science in Architecture and a Minor in Urban Studies. Part of it felt like a culmination of a long road--also with how insane comp studio was--but part of it didn't really register as and end point in my education. I'm in my only year of graduate school now, and I still have time before I'm fully in the work force. So, if anything, graduating was sort of a last checkpoint before the real finish line.
We moved to Pocatello, ID, and are closing on our first house tomorrow! I am stunned at how quickly this has happened, and am feeling equally excited and terrified at the prospect of being a homeowner.
Was forced out of my old job. In some ways, ecstatic---no more pressure, no more feeling of working in a hostile environment. Yet disappointed that I could not make it successful. I was not allowed time to look forward, but instead had to work on maintaining the status quo. In some ways I feel like a failure. I don't know if it is just the nice guy in me; the inability to speak Spanish and therefore kept out of some more personal conversations and experiences. I have decided to push myself more---started taking Spanish lessons. But still need to focus on my future
Today I am slightly over a year out from having VSG. I am so immensely grateful for the opportunity. Yes I have lost about 70 pounds, but I have also gained my life. I have learned I can push myself to great things. I have learned how to nourish my body. I already knew how to embrace joy, but now I am learning how much more I can hold.
I just got back from a big vacation to London, Paris, and Amsterdam. I loved seeing new places and learning about the older places of the world and its people. I spent most of the trip with a girl that I just met and that fling ended with the vacation. I like broadening my horizons and experiencing new things; however, doing big awesome things makes my ordinary life seem so pedestrian by comparison. I've been a little gloomy after getting back, wondering whether I'll ever do something so big and fun for the rest of my life or if the most adventurous days are behind me.
I got my dream job and it isn't all I'd hoped it would be. I was incredibly happy the day I got it, but more than that, I realized all the things that were going on in my life outside of work that formed the bedrock to my happiness, to being able to experience that joy of career success. The disappointment I feel now in my job I guess has shown me how much more important the other parts of my life are.
I failed to achieve the goals I set for myself at this time last year as part of my New Year resolution; I feel like the new year begins in September, not January, so I had 4 specific goals to accomplish: 1. Get my health under control and pass the physical required for my job 2. Take and pass my insurance exams, then get a job using my new certification 3. Improve my credit score 100 pts and qualify for a home loan without my husband's help 4. Restart my blog and create a podcast to go along with it, as a way to help others. Each goal was 'half done': I changed my diet just enough to pass my physical, then slowly fell off the wagon in the following months, when the threat of not passing was gone. I took and passed my insurance exams, even finishing the required CE courses early, but have yet to get a job. I improved my credit score by almost 100 pts, then had to take out a loan to support my husband's business after we moved back into our home in January ( it had been a rental for the prior three yrs ). And I restarted my blog, but have not gotten the podcast started yet; it feels like I am being prevented from getting anything done by an invisible black hole that sucks away all of my time. I am angry with myself: I keep trying, and failing, to make a contribution to the world, to forge real connections with others, to no avail. I feel like I am forever destined to be mediocre, with no significant contributions to the world at large. When I realized that I had, once again, failed to achieve the goals I set for myself, I was heartbroken. Its not even like I advertised what I was trying to do! I was trying to be accountable to myself, first, before resuming accountability to others. I let myself down! I want to believe that I can and will get it right someday, but, I am not sure.
I became Bat Mitzvah this year and it was a powerful experience. Over the course of a year and a half, I hadn't been sure about my reasons for doing it. It became clear a few weeks before the big day, that this was a culmination of discovering my Judasim 6 years before. Becoming Bat Mitzvah solidified my connection to Judaism and reminded me why I love it.
Hurricane Harvey hit my family in Texas, and we had a significant local wildfire (Milli) on the other side of Sisters. Really bad air quality here, and the cancellation of the Sisters Folk Festival. Although we were planning to attend the festival, it still has affects on the local community and businesses. And my family didn't suffer any lasting damage - but, again, community and business affects will be long-lasting. Makes me feel anxious knowing that climate change is real - which I already believed, but now have what could be perceived as proof.
My father needed to move from living on his own to a nursing home. It was a very difficult decision for him to accept, and he's not entirely there yet. Most of all I'm grateful to the friends and family who worked to find the best place for him; to clean out his house and move some of the most meaningful bits to his new home; and to keep him connected to the world. I couldn't have done any of those things myself, and they have been enormous amounts of work for all involved. When people are at their best, they're completely amazing.
I'm so glad I get to answer this question today - it has been ALMOST 1 year since Naomi was born. Obviously she has changed my life completely. I am happy, grateful, excited, inspired, amazed, younger, more fun, etc etc. Naomi is the best thing to ever happen to me. I love her so much.
Tried to start a new business. Struggling, spent a lot of money, had a computer failure and has to spend more money. Shitty.
Trump was elected. I'm still heartbroken. And disgusted. And worried. I feel so let down by my fellow Americans and by the election process. It's ridiculous that we don't go by popular vote. Utterly ridiculous. This presidency is a travesty. A worldwide punch line. He's a joke. I still want Bernie.
I switch jobs after 10 years with another company. It has been the craziest and busiest year of my life, but I feel like I'm doing something meaningful... finally.
The most significant thing that happened to me in the past year has been the birth of my son, Isaac. I am so grateful for the opportunity to be his mother, the opportunity to love him, nurture him, watch him grow and learn. I am so relieved and happy that he decided to come and bring light upon us by coming into this world. He inspires me everyday to be a better person, mother, wife, daughter and sister. I am so in love with this beautiful soul, I am so excited to continue our journey together.
In July, my sister, miece and nephew traveled Europe together to celebrate my niece's graduation from university. Spending two weeks with them was the tonic I needed to feel connected and feelin that I belonged. Our Mother had recently passed away, and dealing with her failing health and death had left me feelibg so alone abd disconnected. I felt very grateful and blessed.
While I had many exciting and wonderful experiences this past year, I think the most significant was moving to our new home on Tamarisk Ct. This was a challenge for Brett and me. We had to communicate about money, we had to be on the same page about the new house and we had to be OK with change and moving away from a 'known quantity', our neighborhood. I am really proud of us and absolutely love our house. It fits our family so well and we've had amazing parties and memories there already. I am so grateful that Brett and I showed each other the power of our team work and how well we work together, even on the things we perceive as "hard to do". I am so happy and grateful and look forward to the future experiences from this place -- for us, for Violet, for Eliza. Humble and Grateful!
I learned that professional relationships don't always mix well with friendships. It is perhaps better to not mix the two. If either fails, you lose on both sides. It sure is a bummer.
Discovered twins and took drugs - which was more impactful?! Lets go with twins. I've met the impending arrival of two children with maximum chill. I see this as the natural next step in my life and am looking forward (pg) to fatherhood. I am definitely grateful that things have worked out (so far). With Caro's miscarriage I did worry that it wouldn't happen - but then I wasn't overly alarmed about the prospect of adoption - a different kind of blessing. I'm not currently 'inspired' about it all, but maybe that's just because I'm on a sugar low. Meanwhile - drugs - inspiring. Well done Jack.
My best friend passed away from breast cancer October 14th, 2016 and it totally shattered my world. I have never dealt with grief before this. I was angry, depressed, sad, anxious, and did not deal with it in a very productive way. I gained back all of the weight that I had worked so hard to lose. I was diagnosed with prediabetes at my yearly physical. She wouldn't have wanted that for me. As difficult as it was, it also made me very aware that we are only on this earth for a short time. I decided to travel more this year and I have. I am also working on losing weight by my next check up. I think of her every day and miss her so much it still physically hurts. I can't wait to see her again.
The most significant experience that has happened for me in the past year is leaving my job at the Center for Intercultural Education and launching my own business full time. I am working on my Kind Power brand and starting to proto-type and embody this approach in working opportunities. It was a dark passage October 2017 - March 2018 - watching what I had worked 9 years to build get pulled apart. My heart ached for the people I had worked with. In an act of compassion, I went on leave for a month, worked through soul territory and have connected I believe with my true purpose - crystallizing in this Kind Power. With no clear pathway, each step seems to come as it is needed. My life is now service and living in service is my joy. I feel so grateful.
I started a new position with the credit union I work for, giving me a small increase in pay while giving me skill sets I can use if I go elsewhere. My divorce was finalized after much drama in August! Met a few people that I dated after that which weren't the best for me but at this moment, I am with a wonderful man that I love very much. All of these experiences have shaped me and molded me into the person I am at this moment. There has to be some bad to go with the good. I also started performing burlesque. It has forced me out of my shell and comfort zone and made me more aware of my body and what I do with it. I have had body issues for quite some time and this allows me to feel beautiful and sensual, while at the same time in control of my surroundings.
I moved out of New York. I am not sure how I feel yet. I've already booked a trip back to visit. I do miss everyone there. I don't miss the city, but I was so excited to book a trip back. So I guess I do. I wonder what will happen when I get there and how I will feel about this next year.
Lay - off after 15 - 20 years of service. Each day is different. Still in flight and often confused - sometimes ready to move on, sometimes in limbo - Not sure how to articulate this - Still in process of rebranding - Who am I ?
Well Trump became president, that really pushed me to becoming an extreme intellectual. I have read a number of incredible books to figure out what is going on in the world, my favorite being Homo Sapiens by Yuval Harari (which in itself could be a significant event) . I feel far more intellectually confident now, building on mental and body well being I have focused on in the past.
I finally accepted that I'm not going to graduate on time. It doesn't stop me from being upset or blaming myself for it, but at least I don't have to pretend like I can still do it in 4 years
This year I have experienced three miscarriages, although I have never been able to get pregnant naturally before. The process has been exhausting and focusing. I find myself asking: what is it that I want for my family and my future? Am I strong enough to withstand more loss to grow my beautiful family or do I just throw in the towel, grateful for the three of us? I don't know yet, but I'm not resentful. Slightly hopeful, and entirely terrified.
We bought a house, with help from my parents. So incredibly grateful to my mum and dad for saving throughout their lives so that their kids can now afford to live in the community they grew up in. Not everyone can say this.
I suppose it was really last year, but my mom's cancer returning. Last year we were very hopeful, but this year the medicine didn't work. Now her medicine is working- but it is just different. My mom is my mom but she is sad, and tired and not her same self. It made the inevitable aging of my parents a reality, and I am not ready to face them getting older or not being there with me.
It was a big year. My oldest daughter got married and my father in law passed away but the thing that affected me the most was my total knee replacement I had on April 19th. I debated and debated whether it was time to do this surgery with my bone on bone arthritis pain and I'm not certain I think it was a good thing. Although my arthritis pain is gone, I do not have near the range of motion I had before and I have total swelling and lots of soreness. I am hoping it will pass one of these days. I have been told I've lost my spark and I hope to get it back but this surgery took a much bigger toll on me than I anticipated.
My son got his driver's license! This was one of the best things that has ever happened! He has independence! It has been really fun to see how he has used it (and what he hasn't used it for-partying). It has freed me in that I no longer need to drive him everywhere or pick him up after school. It has helped my business because I can do evening appointments now. It's a 2-for-1 deal because he drives his brother everywhere tool! My husband and I have found ourselves with more time alone which helped us rekindle our relationship. Another great benefit is my son picks up the grocery order most weeks, which saves me time and money. My son often buys himself groceries, too, and then makes meals for the whole family !
i became an aunt! i am in awe over the strength of my sister, and how her and her husband have molded into new parents! it is unreal to watch life unfold and develop through the eyes of my nephew.
There are so many that I could choose, but I'd say that one of the most positive experiences was my decision to start occasional therapy. I've just reached out to book my fourth session; an hour on the couch always leaves me more focused and more optimistic.
I spent over 5 months unemployed. That left me very ... resentful, sure. But also tired. Mostly tired. Above all else, just tired. Our world has tipped way, way too far into classism and oligarchy. The way people work, survive, and thrive is all messed up. And it makes me hate our current system, and loath our current administration. It makes me afraid that our leaders and our most prominent organizations are operating solely on an agenda of silencing, othering, and even destroying people that are simply different. It makes me afraid for those of us who have no money, so little money, or too much money to know what being a person really means. It makes me resent our system.
Charlotte has been the biggest experience that keeps on giving. Nurturing wild spiritual complex emotional loving beautiful. Never what I expected and totally greatful for this partnership.
In February, I left a job that I'd been with for nearly two years. I thought it would be a smooth exit, but it proved to be one of the most frustrating, demoralizing experiences of my life and I'm now suing for unpaid wages. It has all killed my confidence in myself as an employee, and my attempts to re-up myself as a writer has not gone well at all, making me even less confident. It's been a hard year. A very, very hard year.
This year, I lost my dream job. I loved it there and wanted to stay for a long time, but lay-offs came and I was let go in the process. It still stings horribly. But I'm starting a new job on Monday and I'm holding out the hope that this is a bigger, better thing and I still have a bright future ahead of me. I'm trying to get to a place of being grateful for the advancement my old job gave me instead of resentment for how it ended.
We lost Lucy in January of '17 which was really sad. She was our oldest cat and really until her last 6 months or so, she was healthy and happy. So that was a blessing and I'm so happy we had the chance to all live together on the same floor for almost three and a half years. After she left, I was enjoying having the second bathroom back for guests and wasn't feeling a strong need to get another cat quickly. Dan was missing having a cat more than I was and I'm so glad I jumped at the opportunity that presented itself a few months later when David's partner, Sham, found a kitten in a sewer on Hill Street. He brought him over to the office in a cat carrier and boy was he a nasty kitten. Scared, mean, eyes encrusted with fleas. But...fast forward by a few days and we had tamed him and named him! Oscar the Grouch. He quickly turned into just the most wonderful kitten. He loves the dogs – thinks he's a dog – is cuddly, sweet, hysterical. He adores Dan and it melts my heart to see Dan sitting on the sofa with a cuddly kitten in his lap. It's been a joy.
I found the path to forgive my mother. We have had a rocky relationship since I could remember. She did a lot of fucked up things to me that I thought I could never forgive her for. But after a long time of fighting with myself about the situation I have finally found peace. I am both grateful and relieved. It was not an easy path but I'm glad I faced the emotions, felt them entirely, and set them free. I never thought I would ever get to this place. It's really beautiful though, I'm happy to be here. Life is more vibrant, the universe is on my side, and an awareness for love is all around me.
Just one significant experience? There are two that are prominent! One is meeting Chava, who is the answer to one of my 10Q comments of last year (perhaps The Creator will send me a companion), and the other is my Son and I started Lobaki as a VR Production Studio but quickly changed it to a Social Entrepreneur endeavor and co-located in Clarksdale, MS to try it out. I'm grateful and inspired by all of the above and all of the people currently in my life and now find myself in awe and wonder of what each new day might bring.
My mom had a stroke this year. I'm so thankful that she has survived, that she is still able to take care of herself and that it didn't affect her physically. I'm sad that she had to go through all of this, but I pray every day that this was the last of it. For this, I am VERY grateful. This past year, my dad also closed his business. I'm relieved because he is no longer losing money every single day and they can now afford to pay their rent every month. Finally, I recently went on a few dates with a man and quickly ended things before I got to know him or was sure that I wanted to end things. The anxiety of being in a relationship with someone I liked was too much. After a really good therapy session, I realized that I run away from intimacy and that I get anxiety when it seems that I may get close to someone, which makes me run away. Now that this has come to the front of my mind, I've learned to stay with a man or experience, even if it's super uncomfortable or painful and see things through until the end. That way, I will have no more regrets. This has left me inspired.
Wow! There are so many this year. I guess the major experience that has happened in the past year was the election of Trump. As a result of that catastrophe, I participated in the March on Washington which was extremely inspiring - people around the world standing up to hatred, bigotry, misogyny, Islamophobia, racism, anti-Antisemitism, hatred toward journalism, etc. I felt empowered to be politically active - calling & writing US Congress persons with my opinion on political issues, voicing my opinion on news issues, etc.
Where do I even start? It all went wrong. It keeps going wrong. I live in a hostile country, and maybe it was just as hostile before, but some of the government was keeping the worst of it at bay. Now the government is on the attack, too. I'm scared, I'm resentful, I'm anxious, I feel trapped. I never understood before how people in the Cold War could continue on with their lives despite the omnipresent threats of nuclear war hanging over their heads. I get it now. I get it now, and I never wanted to get it. You keep living your life because there's nothing else to do. You keep living your life because all your handwringing in the world can't go back in time and erase what's already happened. Is the resistance inspiring? Sure. It's not inspiring ENOUGH to make up for the things that are creating it, though, and that's the problem. It all went wrong, over and over and over again in 5777. I'll be relieved when the long waking nightmare ends.
I moved to Switzerland with my wife and it was stressful! We then moved apartments within the first year and I worked a crappy job with long hours for a while, but now we have our lovely new apartment and I have a job I enjoy and we are travelling all over Europe I'm so happy that we are experiencing so many new cultures and getting to live amongst the mountains, I hope we never stop travelling
In 2017, I founded Progressive Hunterdon Democrats, in response to the election of Donald Trump as president. Since then, hundreds of new people have gotten involved in politics becoming activated and civically engaged. The time has been exhausting, and it has been both a blessing and a curse. A blessing to see so many people engaged; a curse on the reasons for their engagement. I am grateful for their participation and inspired by them. I am, though, very concerned about our country and its future.
I learned to love myself again, faults and all. I'm grateful for the rocky road that is my life for the past year. It is full of small bumps, swerving around potholes, and unexpected turns. I learned to react to (or choose not to), and not anticipate the unexpected. I remembered things I had let go, let go of things I'd held onto to long, and began to accept myself as I understood me, not as the world did. Through it all, I loved you.
I decided to officially convert to Judaism. Ive thought about it long and hard for some time. I've felt like a part of the community for awhile, which I absolutely love and enjoy being a part of, and I'm drown to the culture and teachings. I'm glad I'm doing it. I've got a great support team and fell happy with my decision.
Nothing significant, and for this I am thankful. Hillary isn't president, for this I am thankful, but the leftists are worse now than before - which makes me angry and bitter...and homicidal. I can't be as involved in current events and politics because I'm so sick of the BS and the lies. My uncle and my aunt passed and they were the last of their generation. There are 5 cousins in my generation. I miss everyone. My daughter will graduate from Texas State U this December. I am so proud. My son says he will move to Texas in 2018. But he is my baby!! I want to go back to Texas and my husband doesn't. We shall see who wins this argument! ha ha!
The elections in 2016 had a profound impact on me in both personal and other ways. Personally, I think the elections really spurred me to pay more attention than I had been to what is happening in this country at a national political level - my knowledge had been more superficial up until then (in some areas) than I expected. It also spurred me to put my money where my mouth is (figuratively and literally) - I have always been active politically at some level, but I have taken more action since then than I was previously. Put in a more general way, the result of the election was a motivation for me to further educate myself and act on my beliefs. I'm not sure I can say that I am "grateful" in any way for the results of the election - which have proven to be even worse in many ways than I anticipated - but as a friend put it to me not so long ago, I have been grateful to see how communities are banding together when hate shows its face.
I took advantage of so many opportunities given to me this past year. I came out of my comfort shell more and became a leader. I ran for regional board and got a position and was inspired each and every day to become a better version of myself, inspire others and make the community I was in a better place. I am so so grateful every day that I was given this opportunity and wish I could have one more minute of it. I'm so inspired and thankful.
I married my niece in June; I am so proud and grateful to her for allowing me that honor.
We had a burst pipe in our small bathroom that led to some flooding in the study. We then had to re-pipe the whole house. Also discovered damage to two sewage pipes. I'm typing now from our temporary dwelling, as we had to move out of the house for the floors to be repaired and the interior walls to be painted. It has been an extremely hectic, difficult, and challenging period of time. We should be able to move home within a week. I'm hoping things will be better then. I'm looking forward to life getting back to "normal" (whatever THAT is). On the positive, we are getting married. Very, very excited about that.
My best friend, a cancer survivor, whose own husband died of cancer in 2016, cheated with my boyfriend less than 6 months after her husband had died. Pissed off is an understatement. I've never wished so much bad on two people in my entire life and I've never known I had the ability to hate so much bottled up inside of me.
Doing Romeo and Juliet and the giant fight that Shawn and I had on my birthday seem like the biggest things right now. Midsummer was so lovely and affirming, but R&J was scary and awful. I can't tell if/how I've messed up my relationship with Lynn. The parts were enough work, I can't believe the lines turned into such a thing. It was terrifying to think I might not be able to act anymore. Even now that I'm off Zoloft, I'm scared. I'm unsure what I'm capable of as an actress, which is scary. I got to touch the parts where I was good, but only touch them. It's frustrating. I have some resentment about it, but so much of it I only could have known by doing it. As for the fight with Shawn that followed? I don't know. I hope it's the beginning of a new chapter of our marriage, one where we say "Let's never let it get that bad again." But my trust is shattered. I'm healing what I can, but maaaaannnnnn. I have a lot of resentment about that. If he never says he's sorry, how can so forgive him? How can I trust someone who would hurt me like that and feel justified?
This past year has been more than a sum of its smaller parts. There was no one significant event or experience but rather a collection of moments in which I found more introspection and awareness and this has made me calmer, more relieved and less anxious. Returning to therapy, journaling, running, and checking in with myself, while building an emotional defense system for dealing with my mother have all contributed.
We went through an adoption process and successfully adopted a beautiful baby boy. I am very grateful for our son's birth parents who willingly put their child in our hands. I am very relieved that we have our families to stay with in Florida while we wait to go home.
I completed my first year of an MBA program. I have become more pessimistic and jaded. I am very disappointed in the promise the school suggests in its marketing materials compared to the reality. There are good parts here and there, but the experience has been nowhere near what was promised and I am disappointed and resentful, but as I brought my wife with me under protest I can not voice my concerns too loud or risk invoking her wrath and disapproval on top of it.
I want to say that the significant experience this year has been a lack of significant experiences. The past few years have been tumultuous. Some good...amazing, even, with the birth of my daughters and new jobs and productions. Some have been traumatic like the loss of jobs, health issues, etc. I reached a moment earlier this year when I looked around and said "shit, things are calm." That's scary to me. It makes me uncomfortable, to be honest. This is the longest I've been in one spot in my entire life. I'm not used to this level of stability. The significance has been in the insignificant, appreciating time with my children and wife, spending time with friends, hiking, traveling to New Orleans and South Carolina. I like the insignificance of it all.
I had top surgery - double mastectomy with nipple grafts - in February and the happiness I feel about it is immeasurable. I'm so grateful to not have this thing on my body that I resent and hate. I'm grateful for my friends who helped me pay for it. I'm grateful for my friends for helping me after surgery. I am a little sad that I wish I would have just done this instead of taking testosterone first. I would have had top surgery then considered T if I knew that was an option. But I wanted to opt out of my female body much sooner than I had the opportunity. I still am so so glad I was able to do it and have it done and have most of my life looking the way I want.
I had a baby. My first baby became a sister. Momming x2 is a task that has forced more growth than any other experience. Prioritizing goals, maximizing my time, and seeing how the way I live will mold their lives has inspired me to try to do better. It made all of my other relationships tougher, because everyone else gets a little less of me.
This has been a difficult year. I lost my favorite grandmother unexpectedly and then my grandfather a few months later. I also developed romantic feelings for another man. I haven't acted on them, but I feel that I could, and it's caused a lot of problems in my marriage. I'm not sure how to explain it, but I believe these things are connected. Losing my grandmother has made me consider my shadow side, and has left me unmoored and a little out of control. I drink too much, stay out too late, make poor choices. I'm not sure how I'm going to pass my exams in the spring. I imagine I seem pretty put-together on the outside. But I'm really lost this year. I feel like I'm barely holding it together. Maybe worse, I feel like I don't understand myself at all.
The first thing that comes to my mind is riding my first metric century in August. I'm glad I did it and I am proud that I was able to do it. At the same time I did walk some of the hills and I would like to do it again only better and faster. I am inspired to keep riding in and improving.
Jian and I put together a Chinese New Year's program in China attracting and putting together a very large portion of Jian's family, and friends. Cody brought Morgan and also her parents, and Kay brought Solon. I brought Tony Wartenbe. Everyone got along so well and we had bundles of fun! Tony even hitched up with Jian's cousin Ling, Xu and they are planning to get married. Who would have thought that! While life this year is moving extremely fast it sure helps to recall events like this that might otherwise fade very quickly. I am inspired by the youthfulness of our kids and the simple love and affection of Tony and Ling, Xu. I am grateful to have such a great little family of happy, caring and productive people.
In the past year I applied for two internal promotions and did not get either. I was very disappointed, and became depressed and anxious. I attended therapy to deal with the issues that arose and learned things about myself that I am trying to work more on, like dealing with authority, needing to be right, needing to be accepted, and changing my way of thinking to not get so anxious over certain situations. I still resent not getting the promotions but I have mostly moved on. Every day I am reestablishing how I see myself and my career. It is still a work in progress.
In the past year, I decided to start getting more in touch with my Judaism. I'm grateful and relieved, because I feel like I've finally started to become who I really am.
I had two very significant separate experiences that have affected me. A year ago in September my sister was hospitalized for a few days. I was so worried about her. I had taken her health for granted. I went home to keep her company and while there visited some childhood haunts. It was strange but somehow reassuring. Maybe I CAN go home again. In March I fell in love with a friend (of nearly 20 years). It happened in an instant. He was not on board. I have spent every day since thinking of him, wishing I knew how to unlock his heart. I'm still trying. This experience has caused me joy, pain, hope the likes of which I've never known. Even after all these days, I still have hope.
Started grad school. It's been hard. It's broken my self confidence a little. But I think it will ultimately be good.
This past year Donald Trump was elected president, very fucking significant. It made me sad, scared, and motivated.
Niko's birth feels like a cliche answer, but I can't think of anything more meaningful that happened. It's hard to overstate how much joy he has brought into our lives. The family feels more complete now. It's been wonderful for Selin and I to have a better baby / newborn experience. The 24 hours in the hospital after he was born were some of the best of my life. He has been a ray of sunshine and smiles. And I'm so excited to have a son. The future looks bright - so excited for the years ahead.
Increased awareness in many areas of my life, resulting in greater expansiveness, love, and acceptance.
I learned how to be comfortable at work. That might sound small, but it's huge. I've come a very long way.
This year I had my first panic attack. It was horrible, but it did remind me to slow down and enjoy the challenges of life *at my own pace*. Am I greatful? Well, I can't honestly say that, but I still see I'm lucky for many, many reasons. Also, I think all in all I'm not doing that bad at life - my own way.
Visiting my daughter on the occasion of her 50th birthday and, despite my anxieties, having a wonderful time. We both wept, which stunned me.
Without a doubt, the death of my mother on December 4th of this year and passing of her sister shortly after. I used to try to imagine how I would feel when this day would come and would cry just thinking about it. In a sense, I have been surprisingly 'strong,' as people have told me. Life goes on. But I won't deny that sometimes, thinking of her and of my Tia Sylvia, I feel a pull to be with them and my daughter is what keeps me grounded on this earth. I hope there is an afterlife and a point to all of this. I can't imagine, now after losing them, that such souls could exist and disappear-it just doesn't seem possible. It has made me wonder more about the afterlife and the purpose of life, except for the natural instinct for survival. I feel more puzzled than ever about it all. It makes me want to get more spiritually connected, to make time and energy for this in my life, but then the daily hectic routine of life blows that away.
Allen, my horrible boss, retired. I'm grateful, relieved, motivated, scared, intrepid. I feel as though my career has finally began 7 years after I started. But I'm ready and optimistic. I felt like he held me back, and I've come to realize how being held back at work was keeping back in so many other arenas of my life.
I moved house. It seemed good at the time, but we have occasionally loud neighbours now, though they're usually okay. So mixed emotions
I hit a 100k in my business and I feel awesome!!!
I lost an important relationship. I say "lost" because it does feel a bit like I had a hand in misplacing it. At the time I was already under a serious pile of stress and losing this bedrock, of sorts, only served to deepen my sadness. Over time I relearned how to care for and depend on myself, and I've managed to strengthen my meditation practice.
I was asked to teach a course at UB in Interventions with people who identify as LGBTQ. I am so honored to have this opportunity to give back to the university and to the community. I have a lot of curiosity about the topic. I am so inspired by the students in the group. I also have found out how incredibly anxious I can get, and how much energy gets sapped out of my system by my self doubt. As well, my view of myself and the world has still not recovered from my niece's death. I am still isolated, I am still fighting to find helpful ways to respond to my tendency to depression. IF I can find my strength and get through to the other side of this, I will be stronger. And I truly believe that the world can be a better place when I bring myself to this process.
My significant experience this year has been turning 40. Reaching this milestone has prompted me to examine my life in all its facets, like looking through a kaleidoscope. Prior to this age, I think that I always imagined 40 as an age where one was settled in who they were, and settled as an adult. Now, I realize that I am a continually developing person, and that it is important to push myself to continue growing and learning, and making myself into the best me I can be. I am grateful for this knowledge, and the inspiration that it has given me to change aspects of my life where I previously felt stuck - whether in unproductive relationships, or in an ignorance of self-care (mental, emotional and physical). I am changing, for the positive, and hope I will continue this change.
I think the most significant thing that has happened to anyone this year is the election of Donald Trump. For me, this has caused a constant reevaluation of my role in the world -- am I doing enough? Where is the balance between what I do for myself, my family and my friends and for the greater good? How much is enough? How can it be enough when others are still suffering? Is my "enough" the right kind? I have said over and over this year, if we are in early 30's Germany, then I know stories from that era, and I know what I want the stories to say about me. I just don't know if I'm managing to do it. But I know I'm not giving up on trying.
Inner office dynamics and my speaking the truth have contributed to the loss of what I thought was a friend. I am conflicted in my response of the affect this has had on me because I am mournful of the loss of a friend, and I am surprised to realize that perhaps she wasn't the friend I thought she was, and I am relieved to not be manipulated and bullied by her. I rest in the comfort that I can find compassion for both myself and for her in this moment.
Went to Alaska - Awe inspiring, uplifting HaShem 's wonder all around Glad we could go, would do it again, but with better planning, now I know what there is to do
I was laid off for the first time ever this year. I am SO grateful. I was working a dead end job that I want wanted leave but couldn’t find a new gig. I allowed myself one day to sulk and be kind of sad about it but when I woke up the next morning, a huge wave of relief came over me that I would not be returning to that horrible job.
A significant experience was being a part of the apprenticeship program with Evolved Enterprise. It affected who I am because these people are following there bliss. I'm inspired to be doing something that follows my bliss and building skills at my job that I want to work towards.
Whitewater rafting in the Grand Canyon was both an exciting and spiritual experience. I was a bit uneasy in anticipation because it wasn't something I had ever done before -- a bit of a stretch out of my comfort zone. But it turned out to be totally manageable physically and awesome emotionally/spiritually. I often find myself struck by the beauty of nature -- oceans, beaches, sunsets, night skies, mountains; they remind me of the majesty of creation and reinforce my belief in a power bigger than man. What can I say about the Grand Canyon? On a scale of 1-10 this piece of nature was 100! And the experience was further enhanced by sharing it with a special friend.
I finished grad school in May. I'm obviously happy/relieved/grateful it's over, but I'm also not sure where to go from here. I took the summer off because...duh. It was great: I got to spend lots of time doing nothing and visiting family. I submitted my first application (to FEMA) two days ago. I'm not expecting much out of it. I'm stressed that I won't find a job that pays well and gives me a good work/life balance. I just feel like I'm lacking momentum and a lot of the future is super up in the air right now. It's stressful and I'm feeling overwhelmed. I wish I could make someone else pilot this part of my life for me.
I started a new job. This affected my greatly because I am now able to take some stress off my wife and help support us. I am extremely grateful for this.
Noticing that mum is getting old. Over the last year it has become more noticeable. She is having problems remembering some things and others she is still as sharp as a nail on. How does it make me feel, how does it affect me? It makes me feel sad, at times angry it is my mum I expect her to be unchanging. It affects me by making me feel helpless and frustrated.
Today, I am sitting in my room after leaving work at Oppenheim Research. Immediately, I know what was significant in this past year beyond all else. It was my Birthright trip to Israel. This experience cannot be put into words. I am grateful to the highest capacity. I learned more about my culture and also the world. I saw history that many will never get to. I made lifelong friends. This trip has inspired me tremendously. I hope that I will get many chances to go back to this wonderful country.
I got divorced. At first it was really hard dealing with the rejection, betrayal, and other negative emotions, and it was also a major financial hardship that for a long time limited me being able to enjoy my life to the fullest. However, talking about it extensively with family & friends helped immensely, and I've been able to move past it. When I think of where my life is now compared with where it was a year ago, I'm a much happier person and in a much better place.
A huge panic attack I had in February made me contact Mobile Crisis for help. They referred me to a crisis stabilization center nearby. I stayed a week there, and it helped me overcome my irrational fear of being taken away over past due bills. I am seriously grateful to those folks.
In the past year (November 2016) I completed the NYC Marathon. It feels unreal. Part of me feels like it didn't really happen because I didn't train for it so I can't be proud of it. Part of me feels la great sense of accomplishment because despite it all I did it. I walked or ran every inch of that course and crossed that finish line just like everyone else. I should feel inspired and empowered but really I feel regret because I missed out on an important part of the experience leading up to it.
Really a series of things, all leading to one thing: my mom is in "long term care" which is essentially a nursing home. Last year mother (85) started to fall a lot, and to really hurt herself. My father (91) was unable to pick her up. In October she broke ribs and an ankle, and ended up in the hospital for 10 days. In January, she was falling more and not able to stand to transfer between chair and toilet, etc. We moved her to the nursing facility. She can't really walk any more. It's a great place, mostly because the people there are so nice and caring. I am there (450 miles away) 12 days a month now and her cognitive abilities / short term memory are declining also. Dad is still in independent living apartment and spends most days with her. I'm grateful to be retired and able to spend as much time with them as I do. Where will we all be next year?
The family dog, Kennedy, that we had for 12 years died at 14 in September 2016.. so I guess that counts for it being within the year. I think about him and all the memories I have with him everyday, and I know my parents are still really struggling with it. I'm sad that he's gone, but I am grateful for all of the memories I have and all the time I got (14.5 years is a long time for a lab!!). It just reminded me how special pets are, and that you shouldn't take time with anyone (pet or human!) for granted.
I entered into a romantic relationship - something I thought was never going to happen to me. There's been a lot of excitement, stress, happiness, pain - I'm optimistic that we can get to a stage where the positive far outweighs the negative.
I graduated high school this year. It's the biggest achievement of my life, so far that is. Although it's not the experience of graduation that's most significant. It's the experience of everyone else running my life centered around school to myself running my life centered around, well, nothing. I have no idea what I want to do, where I want to go or who I want to be, and that's what's most significant: the fact that now I have my own place on this planet and that I'm going to follow my heart to wherever it may lead. Because my life belongs to me.
Sending my oldest to college was a very powerful experience. Letting go is never easy nor is saying goodbye. I am grateful that he is happy and nervous and sad all at the same time.
Today is probably one of the more significant days of this past year. I passed the P/1 Actuary exam!!! Since I have taken and failed this exam before, I am extremely relieved. Also extremely inspired to keep going down this journey. Hoping to study and sit for the next exam (FM/2) in the spring. I'm extremely excited to have completed the initial step of becoming an actuary, and I'm so glad the past failures did not lead to me ultimately giving up for good!
I graduate from midwifery school. I am so thankful that experience is over. The further out I get the more traumatic it feels to me. But at the same time h miss my midwifery friends..... they are such a huge support system to me and since I started my job as a nurse midwife, I'm feeling very sad they aren't here.
up until sunday my answer would have been starting a new job in a new city. and to that i am grateful (for the larger salary) relieved (that i don't have to deal with my old boss & the stresses of that job) wistful (i miss my old work neighborhood something awful) and stuck (am i good at this line of work? ugh). but also eclipsing that in significance this year is GETTING ENGAGED. holy shit. i am thrilled beyond words + cannot wait for this next chapter.
amy dear friend's husband died last week after 7 tough years. I found that if I took deep breaths, I could figure out what to do to support her and still care for my self. I am relieved and commited to seeing she is with people & doing things in the coming year
Where to start?! In the last year, I met Christian. My sister became pregnant again. Oscar died. I moved in with Christian and left Brixton after almost 10 years. I "broke-up" with Aaliya. I went to Morocco, Rome, Scotland, and Albania. Old Anne got married. I was in Pride. I'll chose to talk about Oscar, as it only happened 5 days ago. Oscar's passing affected me profoundly. He was a vehicle to my past, as Christian put it. He connected me to my family pre-break up, as well as Hong Kong. He was also something of a glue between my mum, sister and I, and a constant in my life since I was 11 years-old. I knew that it was time for him to go and did not want him to suffer the indignity of being unable to wash or toilet himself. However, making the decision to end his life and being there as it happened was an awful experience. I felt huge guilt around it and immense sadness. I feel no relief in him passing. I miss him. I am grateful that I had him. I can't quite believe that he is gone. I have tried very hard to honour my grief. I wrote him a card that he is going to be cremated with. I also wrote to him once he had passed, to recall that actual event. I have also been unashamed in talking about him with close friends and family. It is a real loss.
I won 2 awards with 2 different projects. I am proud of myself. Also it was a relief to see hard work pays off.
I lost my sister and brother in 2017 and I am very sad that I can't see or talk to them any more. They both lived out of state, but I always felt connected with them and visited them when I could . It makes me think about my mortality and I have thought about and dreamed about them often . They both were suffering with different physical issues, and part of me feels they are relieved. I hope I can continue the same great life experience that I have had for many more years.
I took a new job, a great leap. And the opportunity took me by surprise (two of them in fact, since CAM started the whole thing), but I embraced it, and I jumped, and I'm building my wings on the way down. It is... something. Ineffable is too pretty a word for it. Overwhelming seems negative and insurmountable. I am glad that I jumped, I am glad to have discovered the kind of person I am once again (the kind who thrives on building wings on the way down), and I am seeking a sanity, a balance, a calm kind of power that eludes me in my career... but which I may just find here, if I develop the grit (the patience and persistence) to see it through.
Met my kids for the first time in over 37 years. Grateful yes. Relieved yes. Inspired yes
Significant. Terrible. A woman who worked with me made a legal issue, demanding more money than I had, 3 times the money I recieved for selling my lab. We settled in 1.5... after a terrible time ffor me, that included a quarrel at home, luckily resolved afterwards, visit to a psychiatrist. I never thought envy for me was possible, I never thought ayon could do terrible things for envy. That stopped me for doing many things I had thought. Just now I am slowly getting afloat.
A significant experience was our renewal of vows as we were finally able to get legally married as two women. Our 24 year old daughter sang and our 21 year old son spoke eloquently about how our relationship inspired him.
November 8th. I will never forget my oldest going to bed crying. I'm resentful, and terrified, but i'm not going to stop fighting. Its actually fueled my fire to not shut up about injustices.
Recently we bought a new house. It's great to have a backyard for the pups and for gardening and such, but I fear we might not be financially ready for something like this. It's an older home, so there's a lot of things that need to be done probably within the next couple of years. It's undoubtedly daunting but hopefully we'll be able to take care of everything.
I finished my masters degree! I am happy and relieved and nervous for what comes next. It was great being in school and having a purpose and I really enjoyed the student lifestyle. It was a great accomplishment and something I really glad I did, no matter what happens next.
I left my husband after six years of marriage! I had a lot of mixed emotions. It affected me in a positive way, as I do not have to put up with the roller coaster ride of dysfunction! I am grateful that I am strong enough to realize that my marriage was not healthy and had the strength to move on! I refuse to have any negative feelings regarding my decision and looking at my life and my son's life inspires me to live a healthier, happier, and productive life. I want to teach my son that no matter what happens in your life that if your situation is not healthy, that you do have a choose to make positive decisions for yourself and the strength to make the difficult changes!
Our second child was born. We are grateful and happy. And also tired and overwhelmed and worried about finances and worried about the state of the country and the world. DT was elected POTUS and Nazism has enjoyed a resurgence around the United States. I'm angry, fearful, disappointed, and nearly in despair about the future of the country. At the same time I'm energized by the scale of popular resistance, which we haven't seen since the Vietnam War.
I got pregnant! I am so grateful it was so easy, and i'm incredibly excited and in love with the idea of having this beautiful baby in our lives. Feeling inspired to enjoy ife even more.
I am on the path to converting to Judaism. I'm grateful for the opportunity and scared and excited all at the same time - scared because I realize this is a monumental thing to do, it will change the rest of my life. Yet I come from an empty place where I've been searching for a way to worship God for what seems like forever. Christianity never felt right - I always felt like an imposter. Now that I'm experiencing Judaism, I know this is the way for me. Judaism feels right, it fits all those little nooks and crannies that were empty before. Everything makes sense, everything FITS. I'm excited and looking forward to the end of my current journey. And once through the conversion ceremony, I will be starting on a new path, a new journey. What's not to be excited about?
Being promoted at work. I took a shot at it, knowing the panel would be equally likely to say yes or no, but it gave me a really good opportunity to reflect on what I think are my best achievements. It was a nice bonus that they said yes, but reminding myself of the career things I'm proud of was the best part!
My son started college in jazz guitar with generous financial aid. I am so grateful. It has redeemed the challenge of great struggle.
I moved in with my very significant other in a brand new apartment! It has been an amazing and enlightening learning experience, but not without challenges. I am grateful for his patience and learning how to be more patient myself.
Nothing significant happened this year. We continued to grow financially stable, continued relationships with new family. We had a normal year which was a change and very nice.
I have fallen in love with people and standup comedy this year. I was always super guarded and felt like I didn't have a big enough voice / shouldn't speak up... about relationships or myself. This year is the first time that I let myself express feelings / thoughts pretty freely. It's very relieving... it's also led me to realize that I felt like I had to "be someone else" to be less intimidating or to fit in... but people recognize my true self so much easier and appreciate those parts that I tried to hide in the past... like intelligence or my personality. I am inspired to see what else is in store and hope that I am more open and confident in myself.
Passed another level of horsemanship training. For some reason, I lack confidence in my knowledge, I really should not feel that way. Passing helps me gain confidence that I really do know my stuff. I'm legitimate!!
My grandmother died last year. She was my greatest friend. Although i miss her much, i was relieved because she was in great pain, and now is in peace.
I experienced my first true heartbreak at 28. Spent a couple of months moping and then decided to be more independent. I joined the gym ON MY OWN, learnt to snowboard, cured my fear of flying and went on holiday to Ibiza ON A PLANE!! Now I love my own company, try not to wait around for other people to do things I want to do and have learnt to love myself again. Completely grateful for the experience.
We moved to Colorado from our home base in Ontario. We drove across the country for about a week and are settling in - except only sort of because we're only here for a year. Making new friends is tough, for me and the kids. My husband has it easier as we're here for his work so he gets social connections through work. I already knew this, but wherever you go, there you are - our family dynamics are the same as they always were - the ups and the downs - and I'm struggling a bit to find a new routine and my own projects. I'm not sure yet how I feel, but here we are so I'm getting on with it the best I can.
The sudden death of my 44 year old son. The waves of grief are sometimes unbearable. I am grateful that I was with him when he passed, and that we we were on the best of terms. I saw him into this world and saw him out, but am left with a big hole in my heart. I am challenged by the resentment I feel toward his wife & her mother who seemed to be aggravating his PTSD and the heavy drinking that led to his death. But I know better, and know that I can eventually let go of this resentment. His passing has inspired a keener desire for spirituality, to feel his presence and continue conversing with him in some other dimension. I'm inspired by the extraordinary kindness of others, & strive to be kind.
My Dad died on January 5th, and then my Grandmother on May 1st. I'm not sure I've gotten a full night's sleep since. This has left me devastated and feeling alone. I have no parents or grandparents left. My Dad's death was somewhat expected, he had lung cancer that metastasized, but I expected him to stick around another couple of years. He buried his symptoms more than my Mom who died just two years before. My Grandmother's death was a shock, a stroke a week before my father's internment. I should have known that a mild stroke a few months before might be a precursor to a major one, but she was so strong, for so long, even in the face of a stroke. She lived on her own well into her 91st year, a few more months and she would have been 91. She had a marvelous life full of many adventures but I also thought she would last a few more years. I'm sad for my children who will never really know my side of the family as grandparents and great-grandparents. I knew one great-grandmother until I was around my eldest son's age and I had all my grandparents until my late 30s and had one grandparent until I was 52. I don't have someone to call every Sunday. No place I need to be for holidays except at home or with in-laws, no Christmas cards, no birthday cards. I'm grateful to them for all the provided me, and my family, but I'm utterly devastated at their loss. I don't know how to get over so much in so short a time.
After the death of our two dogs in the summer of 2016, I just felt very... broken... when it came to the idea of a new companion. Matt kept trying to offer me new animals, but it just didn't feel right. I helped a stray cat find a new family, but had zero intention of keeping it myself, which confused Matt. I just didn't feel ready. That heartbreak was too big, too hard. To lose both of my girls within 2 weeks of each other just ripped my heart out of my chest in a way I was not prepared for and didn't know how to heal from. And then a few months back, a friend forwarded a facebook post from an organization that rescues dogs from research laboratories. It was a westie girl and she needed a foster. I reached out to them and agreed, being entirely unaware until that moment that they still did testing on dogs. And so Yuki entered our lives. 12lbs (she's VERY small for her breed) of adorable fluff that just wants nothing more than to snuggle and be loved. I don't know what the labs did to her. I'm not sure I want to know. But it is very apparent that she's not a lab born animal. She came to us housebroken already and animals raised in cages don't learn that. So she had a family, lost them somehow, ended up in a pound, and the research lab picked her up from there. Which is even MORE terrible to think about if you dwell on it for too long. So I try not to. I just smother her with love and attention. What I *do* know is that it took an extreme situation (animal testing rescue) to make me take a running jump OVER that canyon ripped across my heart to be able to rescue this little girl from a terrible situation. As of August 20th, she's officially "ours"...what the rescue orgs call a "foster failure"... but there was no way I was going to do anything but love this little lady for the rest of her life...and in return, she helped heal my heart.
i had a fire in my home. i'm grateful for insurance but also frustrated and discouraged ny the corruption in the contracting business and the collusion between contractors and insurance
This past year we found out that because of health reasons we will have to pursue IVF in order to start our family. I feel grateful for our health and that there are options to help us start a family. I'm thankful for the generosity of our friends, family, and community which are helping us to afford this journey as well. I am resentful though that we have to go down this path and that the fairytale of getting pregnant isn't what I thought it would be.
I left my job as an elementary school teacher to pursue my passions as a yoga teacher/retreat leader/wellness professional full time. It was scary and awesome at the same time - I was under the thumb of a very manipulative and tyrannical boss and was so burned out! I'm in the very beginning stages of this new adventure and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed about it all! But I am relieved and grateful to be making such a large change in my life. I definitely feel inspired that I can create my life to be anything I want it to be. And with that, comes the overwhelm. I'm trying to focus on taking one step at a time to create the life I want. I have a gut feeling that moving and leaving Boston and everything I've known for so long behind is going to lead to amazing new things.
My co-parents and I managed to oust the horrible principal of our NYC public school. I was relieved, proud, inspired and angry.
I got married. Looking back I can't say that a year ago I thought I'd be married today. I never really thought it would actually HAPPEN. I didn't think we'd be able to afford it, to really pull it off. I really don't think I believe it yet. I am very grateful. I am very relieved. I am so very blessed to have met the man I married. He is wonderful. If I had met him even a day earlier I don't think I'd have been ready. That experience alone has taught me to trust more in my higher power than I'd realized.
I returned to Taiwan in January with my family - last time I was there, I was too young to remember anything. I'm typically very far removed from my roots, and we went back to visit a sick grandparent. She ended up being fine, but I used the opportunity to learn more about my parents and where they grew up. I expected to feel more inspired or connected, but honestly I just felt like a tourist. I was disappointed by my poor language proficiency, and even though on the outside my skin and face and eyes looked Taiwanese, my clothes, accent, and lack of knowledge about Taiwan's history told the opposite story. I still wish it helped me connect with my identity (and I'm planning to return for a family medicine rotation March 2018) but I think I was disillusioned to think I would feel anything but American.
New job. Mixed feelings as it's very different than I expected, but trying to focus on the positives of a new opportunity.
I turned 76 and Trump was elected President. This elections left me fearful for the future of my country but above all fearful for the future of my grandchildren. His last ads before the elections were antisemitic - the likes of which I never thought I would hear in the U.S. He has since names to cabinet positions, people whose positions have been to destroy the very cabinets to which they have been named - environment, health, education, etc. I don't fear change but I do fear fascism and antisemitism!
I moved to a senior community 6 months after losing my husband of 55 years. I was numb. I didn't want to move, but my house was too much for me, so with the encouragement of my friends and family, I made the move. I cried my way into it, but braved it. Life became a whirlwind. An army of people helped me to pack and unpack, and another swarm of people in my new living quarters introduced themselves. I became active in activities in my new place. I am neither resentful nor inspired, but I am relieved. I'm also still adjusting to my husband's death and to my new home. I'm well cared for by my new community. My daughter lives 10 minutes away. My son lives an hour away, but visits me weekly. For now, I am content.
Probably the singularly most significant experience from the last year was the election and swearing in of Donald Trump as president. I shutter to even give him this acknowledgement as he represents a sect of people who are on the oppressive side of history. Racism and sexism have come to the surface in horrifying ways in the US thanks in part to the violent, "I'll do whatever it takes to win/be right/get you to cheer" mentality of Trump in leadership. He is slow to condemn violence and quick to say everything he and his administration is doing is "terrific." Who knows how many world leaders he will piss off and how his childish antics will affect the US and it's people for years to come. I can only hope that with all the muck coming to the surface, there will be love that cleanses and deep understanding that heals in response.
There are way too many significant ones I feel. Hard to pick one. But here's something that comes to mind at the moment- I stopped in a city for 2 days on the way home to get some brief work done. I ended up being there for 2months with almost a job in hand with a commitment of work there for an year (project got cancelled). There was a beautiful flow to what was happening then I just went with it. Had surrendered to what was happening. Experienced a relatively greater level of freedom and ease those days. Often times there was just this sense of being a medium while I let go of any blocks and baggages living in the moment for a long period. There came a point where suddenly there was a lot of silence and abrupt break from the flow and that was intense as hell. Grateful for it all. More than what words can describe- as always
Marriage. That qualifies as significant I would say. I would like to say it's been nothing but birds singing and sun shining, but it hasn't. We haven't changed as people but we've become more voiceful about our dislikes. Ok time to be honest. I've become more voiceful.
My boss, who was a friend, and was the person who persuaded me to move, quit. Which meant I not only got a new boss, I also ended up having my job responsibilities greatly expanded (for no additional reward to date). It has been extremely challenging and stressful, I feel like I'm playing on an entirely different field. On the other hand, it has also broadened my opportunities and my skills are being used at a more appropriate level. Is it a good thing? I don't have the answer yet.
I was fired from my job of 7 years. I really liked my job but I did not like the hateful culture of the office. I found myself becoming dark hearted and not who I am inside. Despite using nearly all my savings to live on, I am thankful that I have found my true self again. I am not the ineffective person I was told I was and I did learn that I do not want to work in an office where I have to watch my back constantly from women who would easily lie, stab you in the back and undermine you just to get ahead. I am thankful and relieved that my moral center is intact.
Weirdly one of the most significant experiences in the last year was learning about trees. I knew a little about trees growing up hiking with my parents and wandering around the land on my grandfather's farm with relatives. I was also in the Boy Scouts, but strangely I feel that I learned very little about trees in that situation considering how much time I spent among them. I mean, I knew my maples from my oaks and I could probably pick out a paper birch or a white pine, but that was basically the extent of my knowledge. Finally this year I convinced my friend who has a Forestry PhD to go on a few tree walks with me and it has really opened up my eyes. I'm still no tree expert, but being able to start to classify trees in my head, and have the basis to look up trees in a field guide or make educated guesses has been monumental for me. It's not even related to the trees themselves necessarily, but I think it reawakened a sense of curiosity in me that had been dormant for a while. I found myself even in cities starting to take better note of my surroundings and enjoy walking more. Looking at who has native trees growing versus introduced species. Not knowing a tree from far away, but getting closer to notice the seedpods: Oh! A Linden! I went to California and it felt like a different world. Redwoods in primordial glades! Evergreen Live Oaks that look like holly bushes! Jeffrey Pines that smell like vanilla! It was new and exciting and gave me a better context for looking at the world. It was also amazing that a few short lessons in tree ID made me almost the expert of my social group. I go on hikes with friends and excitedly show them the differences between white oak and swamp oak or pointing out the crazy bark on young striped maples or shagbark hickory. This is something all around us and my (so far) brief foray into trees makes me feel like a part of the knowledgeable few who really understand their surroundings.
This is my student teaching year, my first real step toward becoming a science teacher in my own right! I'm proud of myself for getting this far, grateful to my family and friends for the support, and both apprehensive and inspired to be the best role model and educator that I can be. Hopefully, I'll emerge from this as an even more confident and capable ambitious science teacher.
This past year two significant experiences have happened to me. The first was graduating with my master's degree and the second was moving across the country (slightly on a whim). Graduating had a very positive affect on my life. I was no longer stressing about fitting in 100+ pages of reading, writing papers, giving presentations, and all the while trying to maintain a healthy social life. It was like a weight had been lifted and I had more control over how I lived my life. Moving across the country on the other hand has had a more negative affect on my life. I moved from Arizona to Maine--climate differences alone have been enough of a challenge to familiarize myself with let alone a whole new town and community culture. Moving also took a toll on my life in terms of finances making it difficult to get back to a more comfortable (and stable) day to day life. However, despite the downs, I am grateful that my husband and I took a chance. It's allowed me to get more in tune with nature and slow down my life overall. Sometimes I do feel regret or resentment when I get frustrated trying to adapt but overall I think only good things will come from it.
I have been verbally attacked and threatened by people I considered friends. I have learned to walk in love as Jesus has commanded and to continue doing what I know He has called me to do, even though the attackers' purpose was to shut me down.
My brother-in-law, my husband's brother, died during heart surgery in February. It was a shock. It was supposed to be a "routine" surgery. He was only 50 and we had no idea he was so sick. His death was a tragedy for his wife, his daughter, his mother, and his best friends, in particular. It changed the family dynamics in a huge way, and it had an effect on a lot of other things in our life such as our son's Bar Mitzvah, and my job, and it led to our discovery that my husband also has the same genetic heart defect. I feel that our family is forever changed, but my primary emotion is that of gratitude for the family we have right now.
I graduated from college this year and started my first full time job. It's been an interesting experience as its challenged me to become as independent as possible, without pushing others away. I am relieved to have my life on track where I wanted it but also stressed about success and settling down completely.
Last year I was in the biking accident. I believe I know what means being dead. Strangest thing is that I'm grateful that it happened. Now I can really appreciate what does it mean to be alive...
I quit my job. And then they called me back to serve for just a few more months but speaking up and quitting and making my creativity my #1 priority was a pretty big deal. It has created space for me to work on the belle flower, nurture PHI and keep visioning my theater. Light ahead for ease and grace of full completion and love to whatever is in the future for all of USM. (oh and breathwork!)
In the past year - Had this been asked 8 days ago, I would have immediately said giving birth to my son, to which I am grateful and ever-changed. Going from this date last year... I'd have to say bringing said new human being home. He has changed my life in more ways than I can even describe. I am relieved he is healthy, grateful that he is part of my life, inspired on a daily basis, resentful that I am no longer an adult without responsibility, happy, overwhelmed..literally every emotion I can think off.
I bought a condoooooo!!! I basically started looking January 1 and signed for it on 3/17 (right during SXSW when I had the platinum badge for the trade show). Joe and I had a bit of a difficult time in March due to moving, etc. but we're great now and I'm really loving the living situation. I thought it'd be too far north, but being on i-35 really isn't all that bad. Not only do I think I got a pretty good deal, i also really like the place :) and the garden's coming along really nicely!! i missed the spring planting season, but it's september now and the plants are really thriving now that it's not 100+ every day. Mom says I'll look back and think "wow I can't believe i did that all by myself" but really...it wasn't that hard since I had Dyron and the mortgage broker basically doing all the work for me. Honestly I felt like I bought the house online. I need to remember this next time I think "I can't do that by myself."
Today, I returned from three weeks in the UK with my boyfriend. We experienced memorable people, places, meals, and emotions, but the best part was figuring out just how compatible we are. As he is a data scientist, I laughingly suggested near the end of our trip that we calculate the percentage of time we had an easy, peaceful, enjoyable time together and the percentage of time we were annoyed with each other. We totaled up 528 hours together (24/7 for three weeks) and estimated 45 minutes of annoyance. For a simple ratio, we rounded down the total amount to 500 and rounded the annoyance duration up to one hour. Based on these numbers, we were at peace 99.8% of the time and annoyed with each other 0.2%, or 1/500 of the time. Being an artist, I created a quick data visualization chart for us on the plane ride back using these numbers. We had a hearty laugh looking at the minuscule line of "annoyance", which, as if we need more clarity, we agreed we should call the "tired and hungry" category instead. Today, I am grateful, inspired, and mathematically happy to have met a thoughtful, moral, responsible, loving, fun, humorous, sexy, compatible mate.
I finally finished my doctorate and was allowed to defend my dissertation this summer. This was a huge relief - I was set free from a school I hated and advisors I had grown to really not respect as human beings. The culmination of 7 years' work had finally happened, and I can call myself doctor. Since then, though, I've found myself hit with more impostor syndrome than I've ever felt. Suddenly, I'm acutely feeling how little the fight for my dissertation actually prepared me for the professional academic world, and I'm worried I won't measure up.
I have one child who graduated from high school and went to college and one child who graduated from middle school and started high school. Both of my children had amazing achievements in their high school and middle school years. I am so proud of them. I am grateful that they are such great kids. I am inspired by their discipline, attitude and comfort with themselves. I am also fearful -they are moving on as they should yet I have put so much focus on them that I won't know who I am when they have their own lives.
I met Jillian and fell in love. I had my heart broken. I'm still piecing together everything that happened, all that I felt. I know she affected me profoundly. I am not certain she's the one but I'm not uncertain either. In April, she said she would know my New Year's if she wanted to marry me. I didn't run. In May, she told me I would look beautiful pregnant. I didn't run. In June, she asked me if I thought about what it would be like to be her wife. "Yes," I said. In July, she said she wants her partner to carry her egg for her. "I would do that," I said. "You're good at carrying things," she replied. In August, she broke up with me. "I don't want to have an Eli with you," she said. The whole time I wondered if we were serious or not. I wish I'd been more honest. I want to love and not lose myself. I want to have a big family. I always thought that in order to love, I had to establish my career first. I think I was wrong. It's okay to find wholeness in another--as long as you remain true to yourself. There's a difference between wholeness with another and codependence. I would be fine on my own...but I would be even better with another. I want to build a big, happy, non-traditional family to go along with a big, happy, non-traditional career. I'm grateful to know all this, though profoundly hurt. I know I'm more awake than I was. I know I need to be patient. I know I'm capable of doing better, being less selfish. I said "I love you" without knowing really how to. Even after being so hurt, I don't regret that I loved---only that I didn't say it more. At this point, I want her back. Who knows where we'll be next year....I was a total fool but I'd do it again. I'm grateful we met. I wish we were able to burn as brightly together as we do on our own...as we did at first. What we want requires more honesty than was given, more trust, more compassion, more kindness. It also requires confidence in myself...acceptance of myself, wherever I am. Destructive thoughts about myself no doubt became destructive to the relationship. I want to love again. I wake up hurt still--every morning is a struggle. There are bits of anger left and some new fear--but I'm grateful, and maybe soon, inspired.
Dad being sick was the most significant thing that happened this year, and now Mary. I am so grateful that he is alive but it has defined this year. I have felt all sorts of emotions, resentment, fear, gratitude, anger, joy. It has been gut-wrenching and probably the hardest sustained thing I have endured since I've been sober.
I am now on break at Hook & Ladder Winery. It is kind of hard work and fun and I like the people I work with, too bad wine isn't a thing in Denmark... Yesterday I took my first aptitude test and had an interview with MCE Energy Solutions through Climate Corps because I didn't get the IES Fellowship. I want the position because it's only 10 months and I can out off student loans, and it's a great company with cool people working there. However, it requires a lot of travel and eventually working out of Contra Costa. I've been trying to figure out how to work and pursue a profession with eyes on Europe in the next year or two, Spain or London, while trying to stay flexible enough to be able to visit Trisse. It's not easy and I'm getting very frustrated. I've even been exercising the idea of pursuing data science and working remotely. I applied to one position with Measure Education with is data driven and remote, but no response from them 😢 I feel like I'm trying too hard or something, attempting to force this to work. It's a problem because I believe good things happen when we let them, when we are happy and doing what we like things tend to only get better. Hell that's what lead me to this point with Trisse and why our relationship is working so well, we don't force it, love just happens, which leads me to my answer: I met Trisse a little over a year ago now, May 2016, and at this time last year I was planning on going to Europe for Christmas with Emma and meet up with Trisse. Well, it happened, all of it, seamlessly, and it was a life changing adventure. So meeting and falling in love with Trisse is the most significant experience I've had this year. It is a huge and rewarding challenge that has made me reconsider many professional and life things. What would I be doing now or working towards if Trisse was not in my life? I really don't know. I am eternally grateful for her. This long distance relationship is very difficult and hurts many times, but I'm grateful for those feelings. She makes me FEEL! Really feel! She makes me feel everything. I don't know what the future holds. Hell, I don't know what next month holds. Where will I be working? What will I be doing? No idea. I'm OK with ambiguity and not knowing what's next, as long as I have a direction, and Trisse helps me with that. Not that Trisse is my direction, although she kind of is, she certainly helps me stay true to myself and thrive. This is an obscure, weird, challenging, fun, difficult, interesting time in my life, and I am grateful I have Trisse by my side and proud that someone as amazing as her believes in me, sometimes more than I believe in myself.
This one is an easy one. I got married! My wife and I are forever linked now. I'm incredibly grateful, because after that we started having to work in different cities - if we weren't married, long distance and only seeing each other sometimes would be much harder. But now I have proof of our love on me at all times.
I guess I'll just go with the obvious one. Caitlin and I got divorced. I filed in March and it was official in June. Six months later I think I'm doing alright. The greatest emotion I felt was relief. It felt like I was being suffocated emotionally by her, and once I finally accepted that our relationship was toxic, I knew it was time to make a change. It's weird how the 10Q and life seems to kick you when you're down. A week ago I was doing great and enjoying everything, but now I'm stressed to no end and feel lost and alone. The past six months have been an interesting roller coaster of emotion. Grief to guilt to joy to happiness and then back to grief. I've been through therapy, and that helped me work on some of my negative personality traits. I've also been dating, and while the single life is fun, I think I just miss being in a relationship. Having that person to connect with about life.
I revisited counseling this year to work on managing the things that trigger my emotions in my relationship. I learned some great new tools, but still have to figure out how to translate them into better communication for both of us. I am grateful for the counselor's input but still feeling a bit resentful that I have to do the work.
I recognized that my father is extremely sensitive to any suggestion that his knowledge base is flawed. Unfortunately, it is and his belief system differs from mine considerably. To me, his beliefs strike me as arrogant and without empathy for others. There had been an email from his wife, my stepmother, to me sent a while ago in which she berates me and even berates my kids for having liberal beliefs. She goes on to criticize my use of the word "beseech" in a prior email, criticizes my past life choices and accuses me and my kids of being brainwashed by a liberal establishment. When I asked my father whether he had read that email, he answered yes. When I asked him whether he agreed with what she'd said, he answered yes. Since childhood, I'd held to the notion that my father was highly intelligent and very wise, that his beliefs were worth following and that where we differed, I was likely in the wrong. After a tense phone conversation in which he berated me and belittled my scientific knowledge base (which is considerable, given all my postgraduate education), I suddenly realized that he was throwing a temper tantrum, just like a toddler. I've since avoided any intellectual repartee, believing it to be a trigger for conflict because, where my beliefs differ from his, there will be anger toward me and disappointment on both our parts. Subsequently, I've asked myself where his beliefs arise. As of right now, I believe it stems from his early childhood. At age two, he lost his father and he grew up poor. He grew up in an insecure and unstable world. He had to work hard to achieve financial security. But, even then, his world lacked stability. His wife (my mother), had a number of affairs. He knew of at least two of them, but exercised denial rather than confronting the matter. Though he'd never admit it, I believe that confronting the problem would have led to instability in his relationships--for him, his wife was akin to a mother figure. Facing reality would have resulted in losing yet another parent. In the meantime, he seethes at the idea of other people in our society getting a free ride, particularly when it comes from his tax dollars. I don't like that either, but I don't find myself enmeshed in it--I've more important matters in my life to which I attend. My father is a damaged person and, as a result, his view of the world is somewhat distorted. For that, I can forgive him. But, in the process of understanding this, I've lost a fantasy hero, the fantasy of my dad being more than he really is. That fantasy bubble has ruptured and likely will never return. For me, that's growth, perhaps even a measure of wisdom, but I mourn the lost dream. My father's alive and that's a wonderful thing--it won't always be so, but my boyhood fantasy image of him is dead and, for that, I'm still in mourning.
In the last year I transferred to a full, four-year university. After a lifetime of avoiding the difficulties of university life, I finally took the plunge and started. While Green River college helped, I have found my true niche in academia. I love being there surrounded by people with the same passion for learning as I have.
My work with Greg- a therapist who encouraged me to "name what I am most afraid of" Naming my fear Thoughtful
My daughter got married. What a mix of emotions. Tiredness from the preparations of a self organised wedding, sadness that her dad couldn't be there to walk her across the field to her ceremony, fear that life will be hard for them, the worry of cost even though it was the fraction of the cost of most weddings, pride in the kind, fair, creative, honest woman she has become and then, after the early morning tears the pure joy of the day. The sun shone, the day was perfect from the moment she stepped out of the tent until the moment we left the field. Now it's up the them, with any support they seek from all of us who love them to move through life together. I hope they can share the same kind of love, commitment and companionship that Pat and I did. I'm here for them but they are also set free to make this their own journey. I love them so much.
The last year has been One Big Event. I got a new job, moved to a new place, and fell head over heels for a gentile. The most significant would be meeting my group of internet friends in Orlando. I realized how easy it is to look past or minimize features of yourself when you don't spend days together in person. I feel relief now that I know them for who they really are,
Getting married, best thing to ever happen to me!
Exactly a month ago, I got my first tattoo! And I have so many feelings about it. I'm grateful for my artist who made my dream a reality. I'm relieved that my boyfriend could be there to remind me to breathe and keep me company. And I'm utterly inspired to get a second tattoo. Maybe I'll have my second one planned by the time I read this answer in 5779!
so many to choose from. neuropsych results- much more than relieved, elated patty's death and the circumstances around it-still not done evolving about it, starting from a pure "business mode' Ben's accident and the circumstances before and after- same as patty's death changing jobs- scary and elated another year into The Relationship, right now in the Rosh H. reflecting with honesty mode- sad, a bit hopeless
I met someone who has completely changed my perspective on "falling in love" and how I could expect to be treated. It is still really early on and all of this could change or completely go away...but as of now, I am really grateful to have this experience and to know how it feels to have someone really express consistently that they care. Words are words and actions that back them up are often rare to find.
Will and I talked and decided that we're both interested in kids. I'm a little worried about how old we're getting (34 & 38), and very worried about money, but mostly excited. Adoption can also take time, and be emotionally stressful - we'd move back to my hometown to raise them and it's a little worrying to think about being gay in the south. This decision has really framed how we spend our time in NYC (trying to really get a lot out of it, really enjoy and remember our time here) and how I'm looking at jobs.
The Presidential election. I was deeply disappointed that that set of choices was the best that our great nation could come up with. None of us are perfect, but so many of those potential candidates were deeply flawed individuals. When it came down to a choice between Trump and Hillary, I voted for the lesser of the evils, and then watched in horror as state after state turned red on that nightmarish US map. I didn't love or trust Hillary, and I would frankly be scared if she were President today. But Trump is downright terrifying. I only hope and pray that we make it through his term in office intact, without the world -- and our great country -- plunging into war. There always seem to be a few scattered madmen in power in the world [Idi Amin, Muammar Gaddafi, etc.] but we have never had one in the White House before. I hope and pray that I am wrong about Trump, and that history somehow proves him to have been a better person, and a better leader, than I gave him credit for. This election affected me deeply, and January 20th [Inauguration Day] was a sad and scary day indeed.
I tripped and broke my foot this past summer. I'm still waiting on surgery - but I know this outs the defining event pig this year. I'm frustrated that it ended my summer abruptly, and that I'm in pain. It's forcing me to slow down and reevauluate a few things, but it's also threatening to make me depressed.
My wife spent about six months in an intensive program for an eating disorder. While I started happy and grateful, the fact that her behavior is starting to backslide is making me frustrated that she isn't doing the work to take care of herself.
I get to see my grandson more. Also, my mom has had some health problems for the last 6-4 months and I feel that hopefully they are beginning to be reconciled. the weather here in CA has been brutally hot so as we head into Fall, I feel a sense of renewed hope. I see things turning around for my mom and I. For the best, I'm hoping!!!
It's really hard for me to formulate an answer to this question because I feel like it's hard for me to pinpoint an exact experience that has been significant. In February, I finished the service program that I'd started post-college, and I really struggled to find a job. I ended up finding something in May, but now I'm not sure if it's the job for me, and I feel really trapped where I am. I know it is not the worst thing in the world to be in a boring job and that I am young enough to change it, but I have started to feel really behind all my peers because of this. I thought I'd have more together by this age, and I don't.
I went to Israel for the first time. I got to go with my camp friends which made it extra special. I got closer to so many people and had so many new experiences I will never forget.
I was laid off by my previous employer three days before Christmas. After so many long years of freelancing and temping, working part time, getting cheated out of paychecks by duplicitous designers, and chasing down paychecks from forgetful ones, I finally was hired for a full time job. Not a fashion design job, just being an admin to the designers, but finally a job so I could pay rent on my own. I had spent a significant amount of money on Christmas gifts that year because I was expecting a bonus, but after my "generous" 1 week severance of $450, I had maybe $550 in my account. Understandably, I was furious. I was also unemployed for 6 months. But once I let go of my anger, and stopped hunting for a job in a prestigious sector of the industry, I found a great job with very kind coworkers who actually want to train me and invest in my future.
My wife and I are expecting our first child this year. It's been such an incredible blessing and we're both so excited to become parentsx. However, there are times when I think about how becoming a father is going to change my life, and it makes me sad. I think about everything I could do up until now: staying up late, drinking all day, swimming at night, taking health and money for granted, and how that's all going awa. I know I've been growing out of all of those habits and I won't be too dissipointed to be an all around healthier person, but just knowing that part of my life is over is very sobering. Life always changes, your not young forever, and sometimes you have to sacrifice your fun for the livelyhood of another.
Alex. He's a blessing. He's very much like me in his beliefs and goals, but very unlike me in how to live with them and how to get them, respectively. I love him. He has become a partner, a best friend; the one who finally said "I'll help you" on things no one has ever helped me with, the one to say "I'll come to you" when I used to be the one to go to people. He's the one, a definite keeper.
Two of the most stressful things happened to me in the last year at the same time. At 37 weeks pregnant I got laid off of my job unexpectedly and two weeks later I delivered my second child. We had in no way budgeted to be a one-income household, in a matter of weeks I had to come up with a plan. It did not help matters that my newborn had unexplained colic and cried nonstop. The first few weeks of her life were spent sleep deprived and ferrying her from one doctor or specialists appointment to another. On top of all this, I decided even though I failed miserably at nursing my first I would give it my all to try it this time, since I felt as if this child needed the additional comfort and nutrition. Being displaced from my paying job -- I had this real sense that I needed to do my job as a mother to the very best of my ability. It made me realize I can do far harder things than I ever thought possible. If you had told me everything happened for a reason in the moment I was living it I would have reacted viscerally. But even still, I also had the sense somewhere in my spirit that my child needed me in that moment. That I needed that time to stop and re-evaluate. I am grateful for the time I had with my daughter. I am grateful for the amazing job I was able to move into -- and I realized had it not been for my world being shaken upside down I would have never taken the initiative to make the move.
This year my family had a strange experience. New neighbors moved next door to us. The lady of the house has mental problems and she imagined that she saw members of my family looking in her windows at night. It was frightening to have police officers at our door in the middle of the night. I prayed and was led to put a camera outside pointing at all the sides of her house adjoining ours. I was able to show that no one was looking in her windows. It turned out that she was doing the same thing to two other neighbors. I am grateful that I was led to put in the camera. I am continuing to pray for her.
A few: Renewing my vows with my husband. Starting a private therapy practice. My son being more and more awesome every day. And a miscarriage...and acurrent pregnancy. Basically a lot has happened and I took big steps this year to make things happen. I am now kind of "floating through faith". Hopeful that it will all work out. That they were all steps in the right direction!
I moved into my first condo. The first homebuying experience was definitely a struggle, but I learned a lot from it. I also learned a lot about myself. For instance, although I'm an introvert, I do appreciate having someone around. Looking back at the all the hard work I put into buying my first home all on my own, I do feel proud of it. In a month, one of my good friends is moving in with me to help keep each other company as well as help with finances. It will be a whole new experience, once again.
This year I lost 4 people that were very, very close to me. My grandmother, who shaped my life and so much of where I am today; my grandfather, who was the most calm and gentle soul I've ever met; my great uncle, who was the mirror image of my grandmother, his sister, in every way; my best friend's dad, who I saw pass before my eyes in much the same way that my own mother did 10 (nearly 11) years ago. Am I resentful? Yes. These people were gone much too soon and the world is a lot less bright with them gone. These things don't happen for a reason. They happen unfairly and suddenly, drastically changing people's lives and forcing them into difficult situations. I've seen so many people hurt by these moments this year. I can only hope for a much, much better year ahead.
I moved out of my house into a smaller house closer to my children. I'm grateful that I had the where withal to make this happen and that I'm flexible enough to adapt to my new circumstances.
I graduated law school in May. I finally got a terminal degree after a bachelors and a masters. I am so grateful for all the experiences I had while I was there, and a little resentful of the focus put on working at a firm and the psychological toll it took on me while I struggled with it. I am so glad I finished it. And I finished every last bit of it by last week... which is far better than my as-yet-unfinished paper for undergrad and my year late paper for my masters. I am also so grateful that I finally felt like I didn't hold myself back. I tried and I did well. And it makes more willing to do things that I don't know if I'm ready to do... and give it a try. I am also grateful for my failures... and the fact that I was supported through them and came out of them on the other side with a clearer idea of who I am and who I am not.
I moved in with my boyfriend in March. A few friends expressed surprise that we were living together so soon (after a year and change), but it felt right to us. I'm so glad we followed our instincts, because living together has been so much easier than we expected. It's been such a source of calm throughout this crazy political cycle and the storms of every day life. We've certainly had our learning experiences about each other—some simple, some not so much—but each one has been handled together, with love and humor, and we've come out on the other side happier for it. Right now we're dealing with bedbugs in our apartment, which could easily be the ruin of any relationship. And yet, though our home is plastic-tub-and-bag wreck, it still feels like home because he's there.
I watched one of my best friends since first grade get married, and at the reception, she performed her own version of James Arthur's "Say You Won't Let Go" with an associated slide show for her new wife. It was an amazing, inspiring moment, and I remember looking at her new wife standing in the crowd and seeing this look of absolute love as she watched my friend perform. And as I listened to the words she sang, I had this moment of realizing that first, I missed my wife (she had taken the kids back to our room to put them to bed) and second, that life gets so busy -with kids, with work, etc. - that we often forget to express that deep love you feel for someone else. And at that moment, I wanted to express that love for my wife.
Josh, my fiance, proposed to me on Memorial Day weekend while celebrating the holiday with his Uncles in New York. It was an absolutely beautiful moment in my life, I will always remember the moment I turned around and saw him down on one knee.
After escalating issues of gender bias and sexism, my job was eliminated. I am yes resentful and angry. It also triggered deeper feelings from my childhood of abuse - feeling powerless in a situation where men have the power. I am now going down the path of EMDR in the hopes that I can release some of the trauma from my childhood that causes me both pain and can be a hindrance. While I am a strong woman, when things like the above happen, I go into shock mode and find myself unable to answer and shift to "good girl" mode.
Starting the Melodrama . . . at the same time as starting the Summer Ballet Intensive aka Sleeping Beauty. Both of those things were projects that I (or in the case of the Melodrama, we) created out of thin air. In both cases there were supportive organizations behind us and I can see how that made ALL the difference. This was taking something from the "vision" stage through a "planning" stage into a "production" stage and for both projects the only thing I expected was that there would be lots of unexpected things. And while that did bear out, what's incredible is that the visions did materialize. I didn't spend too much energy trying to see what they would be, but rather let them become what they could become. I focused on making what we're doing the best it could be, rather than setting an objective standard. It was a good approach. It worked well. The response has been great to both projects. Both are successful and should continue into the future. Planning for 2018 seasons of both is on the table. I feel an intense gratitude that I have the opportunity to try things like this, to "play," to create. It is a unique gratitude because it almost borders on fear. I know that I deserve the opportunities, but so do many others. The fact that I have them is rare and I appreciate it so much and wish to honor that while I have it. I feel a satisfying sense of accomplishment. But I also feel a limitation to that. The projects were well-done, and the journey is not complete. We will continue with them, continue the exploration. They are, in essence, process, not product. I don't feel I "did" something. I feel I was doing something, and while I was doing it, it was good. And because of that I get to keep doing. It is immense but also subtle. And it is certainly tempered by how hard it was. Early mornings, late nights, tough decisions, lack of certainty, and lots of details to be tracked. It's a labor of love, and is equal parts of both, labor and love. Which feels right. It feels real. It's not something that's handed to me on a silver platter. It's not applause and recognition and being treated like a king. It's visceral, immediate, present, and then over. What doesn't end, what I see being cumulative, is the impact it has had on the children and youth that were involved in it. Each of them is much better for it. They have grown in ways that, on the first day, I honestly didn't think was capable for them. I have seen them *get it* in a way that feels unteachable. There is a quiet amazement inside of me that this is something I have done. And that's only partly true. I didn't do it, not really. They did it. They are the only ones who can. It's like being the canvas and the paint, the brush, and even the idea that gets translated into the masterpiece. I didn't do it. But I'm in the fabric of what did it. I do exist in it, even if nobody can see it, even if they don't know it. This has all helped me to realize how absolutely true it is that the greatest thing we can do is to support others. The less our own concerns exist in the help we are giving, the more profound that help will be, the greater effect that support can have, the better the product will be. It is a challenge not to want some kind of palpable existence in my work, not to want some kind of visible presence there. But the more I let go of that and become someone who does rather than someone who is, the more I will give to the world, the more I will exist in the fibers of what's good.
J proposed to me on April 26, 2017. Everything about the way it happened was exactly perfect. In my shock, I looked at who he is that chose to surprise me, what marriage may mean to him, and the cultural influences of his life. I also saw that had we talked about it beforehand, I may not have decided from a grounded place of what I want. The more I reflect on choosing to marry J the more I experience the choice as deepening my capacity for love. It feels like one of the most profound, weighty decisions I have ever made. I am humbled by the privilege to have this experience as part of my life. It is a rite of passage in shedding narcissism, expanding my definition of "self," and true acceptance of who we each are as imperfect individuals consciously coming together for this life.
Responding to the suicide of a young woman in Westborough and being present for a family in their shock. Later in the summer it was followed by the suicide of a high school student who was a good friend of one of our community's teens and it rocked that family. I am grateful for a life that has not known such wrenching loss personally. It is hard to fathom the depth of loss and pain of those left mourning just as much as the depth of pain that led to someone seeing no other option. We are all making choices every day that give meaning to who we are and what we do. We can never know what will happen tomorrow. I have looked at so many aspects of life that bring meaning to people but the answer is not found in one thing. It is found in a million moments that happen all the time and we have to notice and love and hug and say what needs to be said, because that is all we really have. And that is enough when we realize what a precious gift those moments are.
I started going to therapy to deal with my past abusive relationships. I did EMDR for several months, got to the rapey parts, and decided to switch to a female therapist. She's been nice, but I don't feel like I'm doing the work I want to be doing. We're talking a lot about my parents, and my increasingly obvious depression, and maybe I'll start antidepressants soon. I started going after having a meltdown about getting married to someone I love very much. I wanted to get to a better place mentally before we get engaged. You know, so he doesn't end up trapped with me. It's been nearly a year. I don't feel better. I need to step things up.
I underwent an angiogram procedure to diagnose chest pain. There is no blockage and my mild symptoms can improve if I lose 100 lbs. I have lost about 20 so far and I'm feeling extremely motivated to stay on this path. There are so many adventures I haven't had yet!
I finally got work!!!!! I am so grateful to have money, learn how to work with difficult people, and, above all -- be able to put my skills, expertise, and intelligence to work! It's amazing and I hope this keeps snowballing into an amazing career!
I applied to PA school from April to August and quit a stressful job in September. From January to May, I didn't go to school and just focused on working because balancing work and school was becoming chaotic. Then I took Organic Chemistry from June to July and managed to do really well (I work in a private practice clinic and the doctor was out for a month, so I was out of work too.) When I quit my job in September, I finally decided that I was ready to commit to my academics in a greater way that I have been able to do in the past. I am now looking for part-time work as a CNA while I got to school part-time. I'll see if I hear back from any of the PA schools between October to November.
My relationship of 12 years ended. He left for a woman 15 years younger than him and 26 years younger than me. I was devasted. Not about the breakup. That was going to happen because we were not right for each other and we both were starting to resent each other. I was ok breaking up for the right reasons. I was livid to find out he was with someone he works with. They are getting married and I think they are having a baby. That doesn't bother me either but I am still very resentful and angry with him. I lost a large family - she has my life and it hurts. I miss his boys who I have been with since they were 5 and a baby. I should have known he would cheat. To be honest, I hate that his family has accepted her. It has been almost a full year now and I am getting over it. At least I thought I was. I just need to find my prince.
I went abroad to St. Andrews. It was amazing and led to much personal growth and fun. I broke up with Hannah because of it, I decided I want to go abroad for a while because f it, I made a lot of new friends. I'm grateful it happened, inspired to do more, relieved about Hannah, and excited for the future
We started building. Our family culture, our business and began implementing our vision for our future and legacy.
It was significant to me that my husband and I hiked over 100 miles - that our highest gain was 3300 feet. We're not fit. When I was younger I didn't like hiking. When we reached the summit of the highest challenge (also hitting the 100-mile mark) I cried. I cried because fat me could do that. I cried because my body isn't beautiful but it's amazing. It has taken me to so many wonderful places in my lifetime, it has seen so many awe-inspiring views, it has met so many tremendous people, yet I constantly let others' opinions about its looks influence how I feel about it. I've also had physical and health challenges in the past that wouldn't have let me do so much hiking. The fact that I was well enough is a miracle in itself. I am completely grateful and it gives me hope.
While I've been single for the whole past year, when Sarah broke up with me it really made me reexamine my own sexuality. Researching and learning has made me accept my pansexuality and polyamory. I definitely didn't before. For that, I am grateful and I feel much more settled.
This past year, my grandmother passed away. She was the reason that my family was so close and the glue that held us together. I feel that since her passing, we have somewhat grown apart. Maybe that is because I am away at college and don't get the chance to see my family all the time. But in some aspects, we have grown closer as we have to work together to preserve her memory. I feel bad when I forget that she has died and that I took her for granted when she was alive and I want to work in that.
I extricated myself from a comfortable, safe and loving relationship that was no longer conducive to my personal, intellectual or sexual growth. I'm proud of myself for being brave even though I had to burn down that sphere of my life. I've changed more in the last 3 months than I have in years and I want to keep my momentum going. I'm not sure of my trajectory but I'm excited to see what I'll do next.
I got divorced from my bashert. I am sad.
I got my first full time job! I'm much happier than I've been in a long time, and I feel like I'm good at something significant for the first time since high school.
A significant experience that has happened in the past year is a few months ago when I finished taking all of my finals. While I was anxious to see the grades I had received, I was also very relieved that it was over and that I could relax.
I was promoted from intern to assistant last December, then my contract was extended in February until the end of the year. It felt right at the time, like the logical next step. Now I'm not so sure. My IDP, my priorities, none of it came through. My manager has been on sick leave since June and it's been crisis after crisis after crisis all summer. I've done all these amazing things this year - I've gotten my first tattoo, I'm in the middle of getting my driver's license, I went to England for a week by myself - I've been wanting to these things for years - and yet, I've never been so miserable and exhausted because of work. I thought about quitting numerous times, I've cried in a the restroom numerous times, it has affected my private life, my happiness immensely. In the end I feel like I'm not getting a lot out of it to be honest, I don't have any projects at the moment and I'm pretty much at the same stage I was at when I was an intern. I am grateful for the initial opportunity and the money that allowed me to do all these amazing things this year. But was the stress worth it? Was the pain worth it? I don't know.
This past year was my first year of college. Going in, I thought I would be inspired and motivated to learn and be on my way to a clear path to fulfillment. But the past year has made me less excited about learning than before and I'm more confused than I've ever been. I am disappointed that my first year of college did not live up to my expectations and I am disappointed in myself for not trying my best. I hope this year I can find some intrinsic motivation that can keep me going when things get difficult, because as of right now I have not found that.
My best friend moved away in May of this year. It's been challenging. At first I didn't think that it would really affect me. He kind of annoys me and I don't even really know how we ended up becoming so close. But now that he's gone I realize that he made up the majority of my social life and I really do miss him. I miss him a lot. On one hand, I now have a reason to visit him and travel a few times a year. I get to practice maintaining a relationship and putting in the effort to keep in touch and stay connected. On the other hand, I doubt my ability to maintain that. How long can I keep in touch with him? How feasible is it really to continue to visit so frequently? And I'm lonely here. I don't do things anymore, not like I used to. I keep trying to figure out how I ended up in this friendship with him so I can replicate it with someone else. I guess we'll see where I am next year at this time.
Very slowly working on house projects with my father and brother has been a big eye-opener to me. I've really enjoyed working with them as people but also learning new skills and becoming more confident in my own abilities - as a person who can renovate, fix things, and do creative projects which make our home more liveable and pleasant. I completed the majority of the work renovations in one of our bedrooms by myself, which gave me a great sense of accomplishment.
It would be tempting to go straight to the loss of Hilary Clinton and the win of DT. That was significant and shocking. I believe we are having a difficult time pushing past partisan politics to go to the real roots of what happened. Personally, we took a family vacation with our 3 young adult kinder to Israel and it was magical. We live on opposite coasts, so I am grateful for time with my 3 kids. And I am amazed at how each took the Reform Jewish identity we gave them and are each such strongly identified Jews and the future of Judaism.
Graduating college and moving back to my hometown. In may I graduated having no idea what I wanted to do all I knew is I didn't want to be a teacher and I wanted money. I think I was so rapped up in thinking about the future and not having a job I just deflected the fact that I was moving and some friendship would fade. Graduating is such a weird experience in the morning your drinking champagne with your best friends and mere hours you're packing everything up and moving back home. After getting a job which I like but I don't know I feel like I'm missing something exciting. I want my job to be meaningful and be around a new experience with exciting things going on and I don't know if I will find that in the state. Besides graduating I moved back to jersey with my parents. It didn't hit me tell all my younger friends were moving back to school and I was still home. I was so use to being around different friends all the time and now I really just have my one friend. I'm also worried that it's going to be really hard to date because I am not sure where to meet people living in the suburbs. I think that these past few months have just been a lot and I'm very good at deflecting and just looking at one thing and ignoring the rest. I sometimes feel that when living at home away from my friends and support my life is on hold (social life) but in reality it's not. I don't really know how to keep my life moving with career,love life, and social life. And also coming to the realization that college is over and I have to start making choices that will effect my life.
On April 17, 2017, my mother called me in the evening. I saw that she had called at least three times before as recorded on my phone but I was at work and my phone is turned off then. When she picked up the phone she whispered that she had fallen. That was all I needed to hear. I went to get her. In her apartment I found her laying supine on the floor. In the initial problem solving scramble of trying to raise her I found out she had been lying there for a long while--since the morning she said. My morning that starts at 5? Or her morning that starts at 11? No matter, by 5:00 at night it was nevertheless a long time. A long enough time for me to know she had had to go to the bathroom. I could not raise her. She demanded I not call the paramedics, and wait. We waited. For what I was not sure? Miraculous healing? The gumption to rise? Strength to come to me enough to pick her up? I sat behind her, supporting her as she sat straight with her legs out in front of her on the floor. The proximity of our bodies made me drip sweat. And burn with fury about the impossible situation. My mother is a person with Borderline Personality Disorder; ruled by irrationality, selfishness, narcissism and childishness. I was waiting for her to finally see the futility of trying to do this on our own. An hour later she consented and four emergency personnel came into her apartment and in one feather light step sat her on her bed. She oriented herself fine--the day, the place, her name, my name--and she refused to go to the hospital. I became madder, if that was even possible. I knew that I'd have to stay with her and found myself even thinking that maybe she would heal, that she would gain the gumption to rise above the pain she expressed she was having in her body. Twice we took 1 1/2 hour skooching trips to the bathroom where I removed all the soiled clothing and bedding. I sweat in those trips so much I wanted to rage with incredulity. 24 hours of this and then I raged full on, not the rage that spit out every so often about how crazy this was. I raged about her craziness, the precarious situation she was putting herself in and me. The next afternoon she took my ultimatum of leaving her seriously and dragged me through helping her get ready for the Emergency Room. She took 1 hour for make up and washing and we finally arrived at the Emergency room at 11 in the evening. Ultimately she broke 7 ribs and ruptured her spleen. She was in the hospital, then to intense rehab where she was kicked out because she refused to use the assistive devices from physical therapy. She went to a rehab center about which she complained relentlessly, calling me all hours of the night to declare she was being abused. I had no idea what was real until I called three different people whose stories were the same and differed from hers. I hated and hate her for putting us in danger. She went back into the hospital due to complications I don't even understand and am not entirely sure are real and then went back to rehab. I'm not done...
I got married in October! It was truly wonderful and definitely an experience I am grateful for, although I am relieved we are on the other side of it. It really was a day filled with love and appreciation, and it taught me the power of being gracious. One of the things that stuck out to me is how many of our vendors noted that our wedding had less conflict than normal, or who thought we were polite and kind. I was glad that it was such a positive experience for everyone involved. It made me want to try to be more kind in my day to day.
Koby: I've been living with cancer. It makes me feel terrible. Melanie: taking care of Koby- it makes me live with deeper intention and gratitude for the days that we have together.
My husband started dialysis. It changed everything about my life. His mortality is an ever present worry. Everything is harder. I tense at every phone call or text. I never get time away anymore and seldom see friends. Our entire family is a prisoner to his illness. Him, most of all. We don't laugh anymore. We can't do anything spontaneously. Finding joy in life seems almost impossible.
I came down with a painful, lengthy illness . Then on 3/25 the man I had been happily living with for two years asked me to sign a non-marital cohabitation agreement (precipitated by his oldest son) it was the beginning of the end and when I refused to sign it the situation turned ugly. We ended it a month later but not without much drama and legal fees. He came back yesterday to a new house that I found him over the summer and I'm hoping we will be able to have some kind of a social relationships since we have so many friends in common. My health is better thanks to my doctors and lots of pills.
My grandson started kindergarten. It took awhile for my daughter to decide on a school and she chose the perfect one - a small Jewish Day School right next to our shul. I am grateful, relieved and so very proud of her and my grandson! Amazing school.
That motherfucking election. I'm still angry.
I worked full-time. I'm happy to be back in the routine of work, and to see my daughter so content and thriving where she spends her day. But I also wish I worked fewer hours and could spend more time with her.
I got engaged to Taylor this year. There's no one in the world I love as much as I love her. She completes my soul and my life. She's the partner that I've always needed. There are things that drive me a little crazy, but the fear of rejection and failure that was always inside my other relationships doesn't exist with her. She makes me happy. She makes me better. I can't imagine a more perfect person to spend my life with.
I officially ended my work relationship with my mentor of 10 years after receiving a complaint letter from his current mentee, which I later found out he had facilitated. It was really disturbing and I was shocked and mad about it for a long time. I chose to separate myself from most of his community and I do not attend his events or frequent places he frequents. I have become protective and guarded of my freedoms and self expression. I have also become more passionate about them. I am less restrained then I was before. I now travel the world to do the same thing I did with my mentor for the last 10 years. I started graduate school to pursue my childhood vision. I am kinder AND more outspoken. I am better at selecting friends and have centralized my life to what I love and what brings me joy... and WHO I love.. and WHO I enjoy. Overall, it was a heartbreaking experience. I am grateful for my spiritual practice. I am inspired by my own resiliency.
I became a Bubbie twice this year! It has given me a whole new dimension into the possibilities of love. I feel so full and blessed. My life this year has been the best one yet.
I've been helping my son formulate a plan for a possible career change. I feel honored that he is inspired by my ideas. I am inspired by by his vast open mind .
This year I got to know my neighbors. When I was little, we lived around the corner from a couple of neighborhood bars where my parents were regulars, and through being a kid and proximity to those bars, I knew a ton of people in my neighborhood. Fast forward thirty years and I've moved three dozen times, changed schools, jobs, phases of life. I've now lived in my house for more than a decade, and I still only have a passing knowledge of my neighbors and their lives. This year, I changed that. It is slow going, but I think it's worth it. Sometimes, I regret it and miss my solitude, going home without being bothered by anyone, etc., but mostly I am glad. I have a lot to give t0 - and probably that I need from - my community, and this is, I think, the most effective way to do it.
Last November Donald Trump was elected president. It has been terrifying. There have been many more racist and antisemitic events since his election (and probably as a result of his election). He has tried to take away LGBT, immigrant and other people's rights and has tried (and so far failed) to take away the ACA. Another attempt is occurring now, so I'll know by this time next year whether healthcare as we've come to know it is gone. The only good thing about this is that I've seen people come together to do good deeds and really support one another, both among friends and strangers.
I fostered a 16yo cat, Baby, after it's lifetime owner passed away. I got him on Nov. 5th and had him about 9 months before he passed away. He was such a blessing in my life and I miss him greatly. It was a blessing to take in my dear friend's grandmother's cat - which later we found out that her grandmother and I share the same birthday. I just couldn't see a cat that had been loved for so long, not have a good life all the way to the end. I cherish every day I had with him - even when he drove me crazy. Baby RIP 2017.
This year has been awesome, so perhaps that makes one of the more significant experiences so much more prominent. Arguing with Justin about religion and life in general that morning hurt. I don't want to be a calloused person that doesn't feel, but I don't know how else to deal with him. It was like scratching off something that you thought was healed, but you found a festering infection below. I feel somewhat relieved, but saddened. Tremendously saddened. My relationship with him is over- I have no respect for him and no confidence that he is going to ever do anything for anyone other than himself. I choose to not engage that energy. I choose love.
I moved in with my boyfriend and my family lost their conservative Christian minds. It was significant. It is still significant. I live with it on my heart every single day. The way they spoke to me. The way they spoke to him. It crushes me daily. My mother still begs me to dump him and move back in. I'm almost 30 years old. She offered to financially support me - I wouldn't have to work, just be home by midnight every night. The fact that I feel guilty about not living up to her unrealistic, absurd expectations haunts me. But on the upside, it is wonderful to finally be in a relationship with someone that is so... normal? Someone who loves and supports me without condition. I never had that before. It is worth all of the uproar. I'm proud of myself.
I was diagnosed with ME/CFS and saw my life flashing before me. Nothing will ever be the same again. It's a sobering thought that the one thing we take for granted (our health) is actually the only thing that's stopping us from achieving our goals. Our health is so important. Treasure it, if you are well.
In June of 2017, I left my corporate position to pursue working on my writing business full-time. It has not been easy financially (yet), but it certainly has been worth it emotionally, and spiritually. It's also had a positive effect on the type of time I'm able to spend with my son... and that is priceless. Not to mention, I'm pursuing my dreams and that's always a worthwhile choice.
I lost my best friend this year. She died of a heroin overdose, in her case, she died from needing to numb herself out from feeling stupid every moment of her life due to her learning disabilities. I am grateful to God that I have not struggled the way she has. I don't know if I would be brave enough to last to age 20. I am so shaking with anger at God still. I haven't felt right keeping Shabbos since He took her away from me. I endured so much for so many years and this was finally the thing that broke my faith. Dear God, I don't know that I want to be loved by someone like you anymore. I need you to give me strength to come back to you, humbled.
I broke up with my long term boyfriend, who I'd known was no good for a long time. A few months after, I fell completely in love with my best friend, a girl. I am now happier than I have ever been and through all the goodness in it, can see all the bad from my previous relationship for what it was. It's also been kind of liberating learning more about my bisexual identity and about the bisexual culture.
By far the most significant experience of the last year was the presidential election and the storm of selfishness, hate, and hypocrisy that was unleashed. Overnight it felt like our country shifted hard to the right after eight years of a progressive president's agenda. I shift from day to day from feeling hopeless and helpless to feeling hopeful that in the next election the pendulum will swing in the opposite direction. I feel the need to shelter myself from the daily outrage and disappointment. I read less news, listen to more music. I've also started reading novels instead of watching shows or movies. Sometimes I feel guilty about retreating in this way, but I also think that, for me, it's the healthiest way to deal with a government that so is so deeply out of line with my core values.
I graduated from high school!! It was super nice to finally finish but it was also kinda sad to leave everyone. There were a lot of lasts in the past year. A lot of goodbyes. It's good because it makes way for growth but still a little bittersweet.
I auditioned for and joined a barbershop chorus. I've always loved to sing, especially in harmony. This new group is challenging and a huge time commitment, but I'm learning a lot.
My boyfriend and I moved in together. I'm incredibly happy. The process leading up to it was stressful but now that we're slowly settling in I'm so excited to build a home with him. Relieved and anxious at the same time!
I guess I finally found my voice in the classroom again. I'm not sure exactly when I lost it or how it was lost, but taking a year to be completely out of classes really helped boost my confidence so I realize my worth to a discussion. I'm grateful because it makes everything so much easier. I'm not constantly dripping in sweat in a classroom, and I'm not so focused on my lack of voice that I'm not getting things anymore. I'm totally present, and I'm not trying to hide in a crowd. That's really an empowering feeling.
i have re-established contact with a therapist I last worked with many years ago, and never on a 1:1. It has been tough - but deeply rewarding in ways I never expected. he has also worked in different ways which are new to me, and so challenging, but very positive. I have now finished (if that is ever possible) a piece of work I thought would take years more struggle - about leaving hospital, where I was abused.
In one year, I was fired from a job I had tried to quit, I was evicted from my home by my friend/landlord who'd lost her mind, and I found myself caught in an abusive, chaotic relationship with a borderline. At first I was convinced I was cursed, or that God hated me, or that somewhere I had slipped up, made a wrong turn. I felt humiliated and low, like a huge loser born into an unlucky family. I was depressed and I gained 10lbs from drinking to cope. But after the shock wore off, I could see that what I'd gone through is common, something that happens to countless others all the time. I knew I wasn't alone. And I came to understand I was humbled, that I needed a lesson in humility. Humility stings, but it cleanses. By accepting the humility, I came to gratefulness, peace, and grace. I also gained some wisdom. I think I wanted all these things, but I think I thought they arrived after a series of epiphanies hat feel good. But none of this felt good. There are no guarantees in life, there is no real security, and safety is an illusion. I can only tend to my own peace of mind, whatever chaos life throws at me. I have grown. It was painful, but I have arrived at a new place.
I broke my kneecap. I didn't *really* break it, just cracked it up really well. I knocked a few pieces off it. We were hiking down to see Ruby Beach and my impatience made me try to step down from a log. I had sand in my shoe, the log was smooth--not a good combination. I went down directly on my knee and my kneecap went off to the side. I did not make a big outer wound, but the inner one is still healing, even after months. I am restricted on stairs, hills... my knees have been hurting almost constantly. When they did the xrays they found that I have severe arthritis in both my knees--I'm only 43. The extra weight I carry and the way that I walk contributed to the arthritis. Now everything I do concerns my knees. I sit--gingerly as not to upset my injured knee. I cannot exercise like I once could. I can't play tennis with my child. Will I be able to do these things going forward? I certainly hope so. The doctor told me that I will need knee replacements in the future. Maybe 10 years, maybe 30, but to call him when the pain is too much to bear. What if this is just my new reality? What if it doesn't heal and I can't do stairs or play tennis or... will I end up like a lot of my clients? Unable to do anything, growing larger and larger, hoping that someone will see me for a person instead of just the blob of a human who is unable to move? I think of knees constantly...
Probably my most significant experience this year has been putting meditation front and center to large part to cope with my nerves and unsettledness at the beginning of the 2016 school year after such a bumpy summer. I am so very very grateful to how committed I've become to studying and teaching and embodying mindfulness. It has made me contented on a core level, and has helped me feel in charge of my own mind and mental health in ways I never imagined were possible. Through meditation I've come to understand that I can and must live more authentically and with less fear. I had no idea that such a shift was in order. And of course, my Metta retreat at Spirit Rock and my beautiful 3500-mile Pacific NW road trip there and back this summer. What a marvelous way to celebrate and make even more official my commitment to "falling in love with my own solitude" (Rumi Kaur) and to living with lovingkindess, loving awareness and equanimity.
The last presidential election impacted my personal experience and my professional experience in ways I did not anticipate. In one way, it forced my partner and I to reconsider if we were going to adopt, knowing that services for children and families that are in the foster care system would be cut. In another way, the change added urgency to my work around hunger and poverty. Which is good and stressful... Even though it has been 10 months since the election, I know I am still filtering out emotional reactions and channeling my energy into action. Yet, it is important to note that I am more aware of my energy and bandwidth. I have worked to where my body has shut down. My new worldview has generated lots of stress and sleepless nights. I have never craved Rosh Hashanah more than now.
I had a colleague throw me under the bus at work. Now, I already knew this person didn't have the same work ethic as me, but I was unprepared for her to impact me directly. It hurt deeply. And they were not required by management to amend the situation. I learned: I don't have to accept an apology that never came anyway. Ironically, I just re-read last year's answer and it was about a circumstance that involved this very employee! Wow.
My 3 year old son was diagnosed on the autism spectrum. Although he is definitely on the mild end, it has meant a lot of changes - new school, new nanny, new support systems. I'm glad that we were able to get the diagnosis early and that it has unlocked all kinds of services and supports, but it certainly wasn't something I was hoping for. However, he is still the same wonderful boy he was before the diagnosis.
I realized that I could be making more and deserved to be making more for the job that I was doing. I realized I wasn't happy living in New York, and so I started to job hunt. I took two months, got two job offers, negotiated a 40% salary increase with relocation paid for, and I moved to San Francisco 2 days after my 25th birthday. It made me feel grateful, relieved, confident in my own skills, and excited about the path in front of me.
A dear friend died at the age of 45 from cancer. It just devastated me. His wife also has cancer and his 7 year old twin daughters are in danger of becoming 'orphaned'. One of my twins and her husband are their designated legal guardians so they will be well cared for if that time ever comes. But it just makes me so sad to think about. One thing I learned from him before he died was LIVE EVERY SINGLE DAY. Don't waste your time on bullshit. Family is EVERYTHING.
A relationship of only four years ended or year ago. So I've gone through the gauntlet of depression, anger, sorrow, regret, rethinking and reinvention. It's not been a year I would wish on anyone, but that said it has been a year of enormous growth and awareness.. So I enter the new year hopeful, at peace, and able to share the joy with a full heart.
I fell apart utterly. But I'm putting myself back together, and I think I'm going to wind up better than before. But it's a lot of hard work, and it's two steps forward, two steps back.
Jimmie died. It absolutely devastated me. Around 7pm on January 27th my sister called and asked if Jimmie had died because she had seen posts on his Facebook wall indicating that he had. When I reached out to one of his friends, they confirmed that he did indeed pass and it was heroin. When Jimmie had come to visit me in 2013, him and I had talked about his addiction. I had seen several posts that he had written on a Phish fan community site about using heroin, about withdrawals, using methadone, and even a post where he said he'd be dead in 20-years from "shootin' dope". When I confronted him about it, we both wept. He said he would never do it again, and he promised me that if he ever found himself using again that he knew he could reach out to me and I'd help him - no matter what. We didn't talk for a couple of years, but did reconnect last summer. I saw him last in July 2016 - we saw Phish and a few nights later wnet out to dinner. He looked good, but I felt him holding a 'space' for himself. I thought he may have been dating someone, and since we didn't talk much about our love lives with each other, I just let it go. We chatted and text regularly throughout the fall of 2016. If one of us had to go, we always excused ourselves from the conversation. There were a couple of times that fall into winter where Jimmie and I would be on g-chat, messenger, or text and the conversation just trailed off on his end. I can distinctly remember asking him if he was ok one night because he hadn't responded, nor had he wrapped up the conversation. He said yes, he was ok and ended the conversation. I thought it was odd and a bit abrupt, but didn't think too much about it. During another one of our chats, Jimmie asked me if I was 'wfh'. I asked him what that meant, and he said 'working from home'. I said no, and he said that he was that day and had been on-and-off because he had been sick. He mentioned puking in the bathroom at work, sleeping a lot, and being really tired. I remember telling him to go be seen by a doctor if he wasn't feeling well, and he said it would pass and that he would feel better with rest. Looking back, I wonder if he was trying to tell me he was using again and hoping that I'd figure it out without having to tell me. However, when I saw of photo of him at Christmas, I knew something was not right with him. I hadn't heard the hometown gossip about how he had provided heroin to his friend and how he had almost died. And I didn't think - after he had battled and won against his addiction - that he'd ever go back to using again. But in the photo I saw of him he looked grey, his eyes small and dim, and he looked thinner than he had been a few months prior. I was worried, but didn't say anything except that general 'are you ok?' text, but nothing more. Not many people knew of Jimmie's addiction - or at least the full story. Some of his closest friends thought he just took pills sometimes, and his mom never knew he had used needles. It truly makes me so incredibly angry that some people close to him knew he was using again and didn't do much to help him except tell him not to do it. If I had known, I would have done anything to get him help. Losing Jimmie has left a hole in my heart. Not a day has passed that I haven't thought about him several times, and only a few days have passed that I haven't shed tears. Even though we never were in a "relationship" we had a connection and a passion that is difficult to find - and I was lucky enough to share that with him. I reached out to his mother's side of the family and they welcomed me and my grief like I was one of the family. I spent time with him mom, step-dad and others this summer when I picked up some of Jimmie's ashes - they were some of the most kind people, especially his mom. Jimmie got his warmth and heart from her - I could feel it. Jimmie has shown up so many times since he has passed - I have felt him with me, and also move through me once. I believe that he knew that I loved him, but didn't realize how deep my care and concern was for him. I hear him talking to me sometimes, and I know that above all he wants me to be happy. With his passing, I have been trying to follow the mantra of 'Your Trip is Short' - a rip off of a Phish song, in true Jimmie style. But, it is true - no matter what happens in this life of yours, it is short. So, you should focus on and make the best of the happy, loving, fun times. I know that is what Jimmie would want all of us to do.
A significant experience that happened to me is that I landed my dream job. It was really full circle, since this is the job that I had said to my mom over a year ago that I would want, not with any idea of a possibility for it to happen. Despite the fact that I am more than qualified for the position, I find that I am struggling. It seems that I have become my own worst enemy in the professional realm of my life, and have zero confidence in my abilities to succeed. This plays out in me picking fights with my supervisor, or just telling him that maybe I'm not right for the position. He claims to understand that when I get like this, it is a reflection on my state of mind and not on him. Despite this, I feel that I am sabotaging my ability to move up in the organization. Concurrently, I am wondering if this career path is truly right for me. As much as I love Israel and have found that I am good at Israel education, I don't know if this is what I want to do with my life. I hope that I can take the time in a job that while busy, is not super intellectually challenging, to really hammer out what it is that I want to do. Until now, I haven't really had a plan, and have found that one thing has inevitably led to another, often in unexpected ways. At this point, I feel like I might be at the end of my most recent trajectory. I need to try to understand what I truly want and which steps to take to get there.
Two experiences! First, I started in a new job that has been incredibly satisfying, exciting, and fun. My team is wonderful, the work is mostly fulfilling, and I barely remember what it was like to go to work each day resenting the job I did. I feel so grateful too be able to work in a place where my leadership is wonderful, my team is smart and driven, and the work I do is changing the landscape of the city around me. I can only hope I will continue to feel this way moving forward. Next, I am so thankful to finally have the "go-ahead" from my partner on the move we want to make to Chicago. It felt for quite some time like his buy-in wasn't "all-there" and it feels exciting to feel that he is excited and supportive in the move we want to make. Now we must work harder to make it happen.
My mother moved from her home in LA to a retirement home in Weston, MA because of early dementia and loneliness. I suppose this falls into the category of "inspired," albeit in a backhanded way. Her move reminded me that old age brings with it many challenges for the elderly and their relatives. And I resolved to continue to make the most of however many years I've got left while I'm still in relatively good health. Included are getting married a third time (I've been widowed twice) and choosing to retire earlier than I previously had planned. Some of this resolve is because of my mother, and some is because of the early deaths of my husbands.
Traveling to Peru, and visiting Machu Picchu, Rainbow Mountain and various other historical and natural sites. I felt both grateful to be able to make the trip and inspired to travel more. I loved being in nature and experiencing the beauty, vastness and expansiveness of the mountains. I was grateful to be in physical shape that allowed me to climb Rainbow Mountain (15,000ft). I was also proud of traveling partially on my own. It felt empowering and exciting. I also learned from this trip that world traveling is not out of my reach financially as I once thought. With enough planning and saving, anything is possible!
I was turned down at the last second for a job I really wanted. I was very upset about it at first, feeling like I was being kicked in the teeth and maybe even felt like it was a little unfair. In fact, it felt like maybe someone was conspiring after me. Thankfully, I went back later and read the rejection email with a friend, and we confirmed that they had asked me to get back to them in the future, leaving open the possibility that they did want to hire me, but were unable to for unforeseen reasons. I'm still unhappy about the rejection, but it feels less like a personal slight.
A couple of months ago my husband was diagnosed with DID, previously known as multiple personality disorder. (This is on top of his PTSD diagnosis that we've learned to deal with over the past 10 years.) We've been together 20 years, but the past few have been a bit bumpy. This new diagnosis and frame of reference is helpful in understanding behaviors, but is also stirring up a lot for him and is causing us both quite a bit of stress. I am inspired and amazed each day by what he's able to endure and cope with - he is really struggling, but I am so proud of his efforts. His new therapist, Frank, has been a huge help in validating my husband's internal experience that no one has ever heard or acknowledged. In the past couple of years, and a lot this past year, I have been having health problems of my own related to the stress of all of this. Losing weight despite eating whatever I want, anxiety issues, etc. After being rejected by the local medical clinic, I started seeing a naturopath for my bodily health and I'm looking for my own therapist for my mental health.
My grandfather was moved into a home after a fall that left him unable to drive. It was a difficult transition for him but he gave our family the gift of legacy - he allowed all the grandchildren and great grandchildren to pick what they wanted out of his and my grandmothers possessions. We are left with pieces of their lives that will forever remind us of them. I was incredibly grateful to be able to take home pieces of our family's legacy.
I went on L'Taken and lobbied my representatives. It was very powerful to walk through the congressional office buildings and really inspired my passion for politics/government. On a more introspective note, I really began exploring myself and trying to figure out who I am. So far all I really know is that I am very insecure yet compassionate and want to help people. I have a hard time making/keeping friends and am not sure what to do about it
I took myself on my first vacation (trip) in 16 years this year, and went solo! I went to Puerto Rico all by my lonesome & absolutely loved it! It's affected me because I'm more certain than before that I'm a total badass—strong, independent, enjoy my own company & am not going to wait around for anyone else to join me in the things I want to do. I'm grateful, relieved (in the way vacation relieves) & totally inspired to do more, see more!
This is the year that at the age of 50, I finally started dating. For the first time in my life, I'm not responsible for anyone but myself. I'm not very good at it yet, but got incredibly lucky by starting with someone that I probably should never have dated and discovering what I really wanted. Lo and behold, there's a damn good possibility that what I wanted was right there (we're figuring it out).
My mom passed away after a long battle with cancer earlier this summer. Of course while I am continually feeling tremendous loss, including a certain amount of resentment that she was taken from us too early, I am also gradually finding ways to be grateful for all that she gave me and my family over the years and to be able to cherish that. I also feel that this journey has brought me to a new stage in my life experience, both personally for myself and also in terms of my ongoing relationship with my father who I feel will need my support even more over the coming years.
The Election. It hit me in my core. We can't take our freedom, liberty, and way of life for granted. I am grateful that not has much has changed then I would have thought but, it's still early in the administration. I am vigilant.
Mom recovered like a true hero from lung surgery. She set an example for the whole family and was a rock that we could reply on, while also carrying the burden of a cancer diagnosis. Her recovery made me appreciate my family 100x more, and inspired me to be in better communication.
I became closer than I ever thought I would with my girlfriend. I know what people mean when they met "the one". I never knew I was able to love this much. I am beyond grateful, full of joy and excited for the future. I helped teach my fat head puppy to catch a rope in her mouth. I am relieved.
I got married this summer to a spectacular human being! I was definitely relieved to finally marry him and be done with all of the craziness that leads up to a wedding and the expectations of family and friends. It was an exciting day, though, and only stressful in the sense that I'm an introvert and I don't really enjoy being the centre of everyone's attention all day long, and I didn't really get any time to myself. I also didn't get to eat very much which sucked because we paid a lot of money for that food.
I went on my first vacation, real vacation, where my only agenda item was to relax. It affected me in such a powerful way! I felt refreshed, like I haven't in a long time. I can't wait to go again.
Michelle was diagnosed with encephalitis that turned out to be a malignant brain tumor,
Donald Trump, the gift that keeps on giving. He is reprehensible, a cretin, a monomaniacal buffoon, and president. Everything he does is a "significant experience" and if I'm around next year to read this, again, it will be no thanks to him.
Theo was diagnosed with leukemia this year and last Saturday September 17th he had a stroke while we were having brunch at Neptune's due to his chemo. We're devastated, but there have also been gifts along this journey. We are praying that his clots continue to get smaller and that the bleeding has stopped and is getting cleared out of his brain. In the next few days we're hoping he'll get off the ventilator and he'll make a full recovery. Stress. Fear. Hope. Love. Love. Love. This event has shaken my belief that I have control over much of my life....I have control over some things, but there is so much that is out of my control. Also, i used to feel like my life was more stable. I don't feel like I'm on solid ground....I'm constantly finding my balance now while we deal with so much uncertainty and illness. Im sure this was always the case, but so much comes into sharp focus when there is such a traumatic event.
I mean, the election has been the most significant thing that has happen to me this year. I have never felt so heartbroken about something that was not directly directly related to me before. I felt as sad as I did on my worst breakup. I think about it all the time and feel anxiety about where America is going.
In the last month I sold my apartment which I have taken to calling my "largest art project to date!" It was an emotional roller coaster to let go of the space I had invested so much time energy and emptand PBS into especially since our time there has been so challenging for Brett (and me as a result). I think I will continue to grow if I can continue to see value in evolution. The tradition to POWERS is literally that- power. And I remain thoroughly optimistic that every darkness eventually ebbs and becomes a dawn. Just got to keep going!
My mother contracted a MAC infection. After two hospitalizations, she began a course of antibiotics that she will be on for approximately 18 months. Because the antibiotics do not play nicely with her RA medicine, she had to pause treatment temporarily; at the time of this writing, she is slowly adding back medications and trying to get back to where she was -- if that is even possible. Her improvement has been very slow, but steady; she no longer requires oxygen, and has even (cautiously) resumed some of her normal activities. I thought I had come to terms with the fact that she will pass away at some point, back when she was hospitalized with pneumonia the first time. But what I had acknowledged was that she could at any time become acutely ill and die. I had not considered that she could slowly lose her mobility and health, that all the activities we enjoyed together could one by one be taken away, never to return. Each time we have dinner in a restaurant or go on an outing, I can't help but wonder if it's the last time we will ever do so. I thought that having children gave me perspective regarding the swiftness of time, and it has. But Mom's illness has really driven home the need to seize the moment before it passes. Tomorrow is not promised; there is a last time for everything.
I got fired. In retrospect, I'm not sure it wasn't the best thing that could have happened to me; I was fantastically unhappy in the job (which I talked about here) and just getting up and going to work was a struggle. I was taking medication to curb the upset and anxiety, and my absolute need for those medications basically went away the next day. I woke up, and the pit of anxiety and fear and tension that lived behind my belly button just... evaporated. I feel better, I move better, and I feel that I know myself better.
My first grandson was born almost a year ago and I am overjoyed. I was not sure I liked the idea of being referred to as a Nanny, but I am so comfortable with it now. Yes, I am grateful for a beautiful little boy. Benjamin is a bright little guy, who always has an adorable smile on his face. His joy and energy inspires happiness in my heart. I wish he lived much closer, so I could hold him everyday. I am so happy for facetime so I can see him everyday. I have no resentment but he loves his PaPa, when he comes to visit he wants to stay in PaPa's arms.
This past year, two big experiences stand out. The first is defending my dissertation proposal in April 2017. This is a moment that was a long time coming and in many ways, overdue. I procrastinated and doubted myself, circling around the same ideas delaying this defense. I had a baby and got to work. And I did it - I defended my proposal! The biggest emotion afterward was probably relief. I had finally gotten to this point - someone thought I had ideas worth academically pursuing. I also no longer had to try to explain the in-between phase of my studies. I was now, ABD and a candidate, someone who is working on their dissertation! I also felt pride and a big sense of accomplishment, despite the large amount of work still to come. I also felt gratitude: to my classmates for being with me along the way as colleagues and friends and to Adam, for his patience that this took longer than expected, his encouragement, and steady belief that I was always perfectly capable of doing this. The second is celebrating the first birthday of our daughter, Zoe. The birthday itself passed with relatively little fanfare. There were more gifts than a one year old needs and a funfetti cake baked by me and my mom/Grammy, but there was no big party. It was still incredibly significant. We had survived the first year of parenthood. Sleepless nights turned into more restful nights (yet I learned, that doesn't mean I would feel rested). Breastfeeding started as a hard, difficult, and physically and emotionally painful experience, but I had made it to a year (with the help of formula, of course, and I would soon stop nursing). We saw her first smile, heard her first laugh, heard adorable babbling, and watched her go from lying down, to rolling over, sitting up, crawling, and then walking (running?). We survived growth spurts, illnesses, and teeth. She and I had five months at home together, which were beautiful and wonderful and also hard. Then we discovered the joy of daycare. It was a year full of firsts and more joy than I ever could have imagined. Zoe makes me want to fix all of my flaws and be better, to show her what a loving, strong, happy, and accomplished, woman looks like. I am so grateful for this past year with her and for every moment we get to share with her.
November 8th, 2016--election day. Significant in that the work before and the work after (life before and life after) all hinged on that day. It devastated me, but it also made me who I am, my friends who they are, our country who it is. It has made us resilient, and understand the stakes.
My daughter-in-law had a miscarriage. We were so happy with the news of a grandchild and then at 16 weeks of pregnancy, she lost the baby. Our first son had died after 30 days due to a birth defect and losing another child seemed so unfair. Why us? Why do we have lose our babies? When I was sitting outside looking at the lovely waterfall, feeling sorry for myself with tears streaming down my face, I saw a beautiful butterfly. I thought that it might be my grandchild saying goodbye, see you later. I loved him or her already. I felt peaceful.
I awakened spiritually in a way that I never realized was possible. I view stress in a new light. It has helped me to reprioritize my life and therefore goals. I see my potential as limitless. I love freely. I practice radical accountability and all of the highs and lows that accompany living my life through that choice. I am grateful for everyday to practice my beliefs and support others so they can do the same, if they choose to.
A significant experience I had this past year was the opportunity to go on vacation with my two grown children (ages 23 & 29). Most of the time we toured as a family but they often went out on together in the evenings and shared their adventures in a foreign country with us over breakfast. We had a wonderful time and I am very grateful to be able to witness the close relationship they have. They truly had a great time together and have grown into friends!! A wonderful thing for parents to see!!!
I lost my job and had to move back in with my parents. I had to leave my field altogether and take a retail job. I'm grateful that I was able to get a job at all and am treating it as an opportunity to start over.
We became grandparents for the fourth and fifth time, when our daughter had identical twin boys. That brings us up to five grandchildren--all boys. I love each and every one of them, but there's a small part of me that wishes we also had a granddaughter who could carry my mother's name. As my husband puts it, we grew from a family of four to a famiy of eleven, which is wonderful. Our daughter and daughter-in-law say they're done. So, I guess I should try to be content, but that small part of me isn't.
This year I moved in with my long-time boyfriend! It changed my financial situation, social interactions, and my roles at home. I had always lived with girlfriends so this is a huge change but I love the effect it has had on me. I feel it has offered me a great chance to grow up and care for another person as much as I do for myself.
The election of President Trump in the US has significantly impacted us in Canada and throughout the world. We watched in disbelief as the election results were announced and continue to watch in disbelief as the tweets, public speeches, and actions of this president unfold. And, of course, as it is ongoing, the effects are constantly being felt. At first, I was resentful that an election in a foreign country could make me feel so angry and now I am feel resigned to the fact that I have no control over the actions of an international bully.
My son, his wife, and 2 grandchildren moved away; my son has lived close to me his whole life, and their reasoning for moving was totally off base, but they are adults, and I can't stop them or tell them they might be making a huge mistake. I hope it works out for them, but their leaving has me very depressed, and feeling unfocused. I hope I get over this, and spend lots of my time visiting them.
I started graduate school, something I've been ambivalent about for many years - I want the knowledge and the credentials, but I couldn't handle the expense or homework. As soon as I could afford just enough to cover about half, I enrolled. Day to day, I try to just show up and do the work - no overthinking. That I have this opportunity - and that I'm taking it - is already changing my life for the better.
After my (then) boyfriend and I realized we had been dating for three years, we casually agreed to get married. We had talked about it before, but he was set on a traditional wedding and I was not. During our three year anniversary, we agreed that it didn't matter how we were married and that we just wanted to be married. We made an appointment at the courthouse, told our families, and my parents planned a small pool party at their house to celebrate. Everything was simple, casual, and everything I intended it to be. I assumed that things wouldn't change very much after marriage. Our entire relationship was built on a serious foundation of commitment, and our finances were already combined. However, as the days drew closer to the wedding date, I felt increasingly anxious. My anxiety hit an all-time high. I wanted to try something that I never considered before--therapy. I admitted all of my worries. I sobbed for the first few appointments. I confronted all of the guilt I had been harboring from racking up credit card and college loan debt. I accepted the PTSD from past relationships. I knew that my anxiety was out of control over my self doubt--what if I couldn't be a good wife? What if I couldn't offer my partner anything worthy of marriage? What if my fears tore us apart? What if I was too damaged from my previous relationship? Then our beloved cat died. She was six years old, and she had leukemia. We could sense that there was something wrong with her, but blood work and veterinary examination couldn't pinpoint anything until it was too late. We loved her so much...my husband treated her like she was his child. It was traumatizing, and our grief overshadowed our wedding. My anxiety got worse with the addition of existential dread. But we got through it together, and it brought us closer. We'll certainly never be the same without her in our lives. She's one of those pets that will stand out among all the rest. I got to see a side of my husband that I won't get to see very often--raw vulnerability. You learn so much about someone when you see how they react to a terrible situation. His is as genuine of a person as anyone can get, and he allows himself to show his emotions to anyone in his presence. My anxiety subsided almost immediately after our wedding. The formalities and social obligations were over, and I could rest easy. Therapy provided an outlet for my anxiety that I would have never thought to embrace. A few months later, my debts are starting to dwindle. We have a plan. Long term goals. Debt relief strategies. It's easier to come up with solutions as a team instead of navigating through this world alone. Life is getting less stressful, even with the same amount of stressors. I thought our pre-wedding commitment was no different than post-wedding commitment. After all, we had always been open, honest, and shared a mutual trust between each other. But signing our lives away on a seemingly irrelevant piece of paper made it real in a way that I didn't think was possible. We were excited to do everything together. Hopeful to hold hands and frolic through fields. I'm inspired by his selflessness, grateful that I get to spend the rest of my life knowing him, and fearful that one of us will die in a car accident on the way to work. (I'm still working on the therapy progress.) Marrying him was the best thing I've ever done for myself.
This year I had my first child! A little boy, Harrison Everett, 7lbs 21 inches of pure perfection. Becoming a mom has rocked my world. It has been the easiest job to accept but one of the hardest I've ever done! It has changed me in every way, for the better. I LOVE being a mom and hope we are blessed with a second sooner rather than later.
Looking back to answer this I realized that im still resentful but i'm really inspired and, for so grateful. What happend to me? Well, I was in love. I was really deeply in love. I really thought that he was the one, and more heartbroken for me: that I was the one. Since then my life really broke down, I left my work, I stayed in bed like for 6 months BUT I can see now other aspects of myself, life and choices. I think that such big disappointment took the last piece of youth that I had left, in these times that run through my bed every night, there are only a few flashes of joy, laughs that go out of control thanks to TV and movies; some in encounters with friends or people, human, that only make it reflect more strongly what I was not. Another thing I learned is that we are not good at everything, and that when you are good at something, you will be bad at everything else. That "everything else" is exactly proportional to your abilities, your intelligence, what you can do, think, create ... that is why people enter endless circles, inside themselves and their heads; that's why the "artists" go crazy, or at least that way they read those who are not good at anything: you do not go crazy, you start to eat yourself slowly, so slowly that when you realize it's too late. My ability to create communication, to unite people, to create teams and to have ACHIEVEMENTS will never be possible for me. for my heart, for my dreams that do not involve the money that is needed to fulfill it. I think what I learned this year is that the family that I wanted to have, where I had been waiting for my whole life to take refuge, to feel pride, to feel it mine, a place to belong and not to have to ask permission to be, a place where it was indispensable. Where they wanted me to be at all costs, where they would not want to be without me. Guess I am grateful: for the unconditional love of my mother and my animals. Guess I'm very resentful and trying to get inspired.
Election of Donald Trump. It has thrown my entire world, and that of our country, upside down. I am fearful for what this will do to our country and the world.
My Mom joined the immortals in January of this year. When our Dad passed away in the summer of 2008, Mom told me a few times that she did not expect to live much longer. As close as my parents were I expected this would be the case. The surprise is that she lived another 8 1/2 years. God bless her. I am largely relieved because she suffered from growing dementia for several years. She is once again with the love of her life. Although I do miss her an awful lot, her "struggle" is over.
I have, with the help of my medical team, found a combination of medication and therapy that helps me manage my ever-growing anxiety and depression symptoms. I am constantly improving my attitude, how I treat others, and most importantly, how I treat myself. I am learning that I am worthy, and that I am worth it. This has been incredibly challenging. I know this battle won't ever go away, but having lots of tools in my toolbox that I can use makes life so much better.
Oh man.. quite a lot has happened. I started a study, to become an elementary school teacher. One last time, I told myself. I'm going to try to study one last time under the condition that I put my mental health first, and I'm going to have a coach to help me because of my ADHD. The first period went well! but then at the end of November I got myself a concussion. I went back to school after Christmas, and instead of taking it easy as you should after a concussion, I worked really hard instead so I could catch up with the work I'd missed, and diving straight into exams, and then the next period where I also started my internship.. and it all became too much. my brain flipped, I started having concussion symptoms again, and on top of that was showing symptoms of burnout. I had a panic attack and was in constant tears and entirely too stressed out. For the longest time I couldn't read a single paragraph without my head hurting. I decided with my GP that I needed another break. But during the break I fell down into a depression. Now I was depressed on top of my anxiety. All I could think was "I can't do anything and I don't want anything". Feeling tremendously inadequate and discouraged. After more reflexion, I came to realize, I am so done with this, so done with studying, so done with trying to prove my worth to myself and the world. For nine years I've tried. NINE (9!) All those years I was struggling, torturing myself to try to prove myself, but for what and for whom? I am just so tired and I am done. I've tried. no more.
My son was diagnosed with ASD. I am still not dealing with this fully, I think. He seems like a normal kid with some weird habits, but I think maybe little boys are like this. He's struggled at times making friends or doing well at school. He's angry sometimes, or really, he reacts aggressively a lot. Does he just lack manners or appropriate role modeling? What I really worry about is that he may be anxious or sad and we don't know how to talk to him about it. My husband started off disinterested in therapy, but may be coming around to the idea of therapy as helpful. We both struggle though to find time to do kid stuff - me because work is consuming and him because of a certain baseline level of laziness. I hope that we don't wait until something bad happens to our son before we do something to help him.
I complete my MBA. I am grateful. Grateful that my parents were able to pay for my tuition. I am relieved, that I was able to complete the process on time, with a 4.0 gpa. I am resentful because I don't have an amazing new opportunity lined up. In the two years since I started the process I have gained weight, become stagnant at my job, and am depressed. I hope to find inspiration in the next year. I question my life path and if I will find a partner to marry and raise a family. I hope that my faith in God and my stubbornness will keep me from falling deeper into depression. I hope that I can continue to make it to work and do my best, even if it is with a sarcastic edge. I pray that someday I will find peace and enjoy life's journey.
Seems like there were a few significant events, including the surprise election results, hiring a new VP for sales, and adopting a Whole Food diet. I guess among these, the first is most significant. I was not happy about Trump running for President and also didn't think he could win anyway. I was wrong on both accounts. I have come to like him more over the past year and his Presidency has given me some hope that I had last before. I am cautiously optimistic as I know there are huge challenges left after 8 years of messing things up by Obama.
My Mom's transient amnesia episode- I am relieved it was not a stroke and glad that I am in CR to handle issues like this. Otherwise the year has been pleasantly quiet.
My parents have been battling illnesses of various sorts since the beginning of this year. First my mother in the hospital, and then my father a month or two later. Thankfully they are well now - but my sister and I are think "on edge" with them. We worry more about their mental and physical health, and their overall well being. I have been thinking more about my own mortality, and about the choices I want to make with my own health / lifestyle as I get older.
I took a 3 week family vacation to Peru and when we got back I was told that I had to terminate by pregnancy at 5 1/2 months. Peru was amazing, educational, and so much fun. Just having the ability to travel overseas for the 1st time and share that experience with Lyra and B, I will forever be grateful. It put quite a few things in perspective. Mainly that we will have to continue to invest in experiences, and that seeing the world beyond what I know is important. The culture, food, livelihood, land, infrastructure, rules, way of life and overall norms of that country as opposed to what that looks like here in the US really makes you think. I appreciate what we have, and desire to attain that things that we want more. I'm motivated to make travel and experiences a priority for my family. Being told by a perinatal specialist at the exact moment the solar eclipse occurred was a pretty 'dark' moment. It was really hard to process immediately and in those days leading to and after the surgery, I was at a loss. It just seemed unreal and was definitely heartbreaking to share. I felt disconnected from the whole process and still don't know if I've fully processed what happened. I'm not sure if I would revisit this again. I feel like I would rather make an impact on a child through fostering which B and I have discussed. I will revisit this next year.
I lost my job. Boy was I relieved, too. I'd hated that job from the day I started, practically, but I'd decided that I wouldn't leave it (in fact, that I wouldn't be *able* to leave it, as per my weird fatalism) until I had learned whatever lessons it had to impart. Interestingly, by the time they let me go, I'd become a better worker, more organized, more willing to take ownership, more interested in the challenges of the job, and overall better at it than I've ever been at any job in my life. Starting as a temp at most of my jobs as I have, it's hard to take ownership, to see the job that pays as anything but a temporary resting point on my way to stardom, or whatever other goal I have. But now I see that the task before me, whatever it is, is sufficient to the day, and that being present to what is at hand creates opportunities for growth, connection, and fun!
Mira and Avi B'nai Mitzvah - I was relieved that they were so calm and happy. None of the angst with Misha's Bar Mitzvah. But, as usual, I was stressed and resentful about money and about Sid. sign - when will I learn? My mother's health crashed - she went from independent living to complete dependence - at times, close to death. I was relieved but also wary. Now, she is stable but so unhappy that I wonder what the purpose is in her life going forward.
In October, I got a job after having been fired from the one before. It was closer to what I thought I wanted, and I was really grateful to have a full time job in the field I thought I needed to be in. It's at a wonderful organization that does great things, and it's a really safe environment (which was necessary after the trauma of the last job's dysfunctional meanness and getting fired unjustly). But I quickly realized that safety wasn't enough. This job wasn't enough. And I'm bored out of my mind. I resent having to be here each day. I resent my title, which in no way reflects the amount that I do or my contribution to the organization (and which no one else thinks I should worry about). I resent not making more money. I want to be seen as the expert -- and I want to be paid as the expert. And I wonder how I sold myself short-- again-- and got myself into this kind of situation. I'm grateful to have my confidence back, but I've now outgrown this place. I'm taking steps to get myself into a better career path, but it'll take time. I'm just trying not to self destruct with resentment until I can leave , and I'm trying not to fall apart since I don't know yet how or when I can leave. The uncertainty is terrible. The resentment is worse.
I decided to believe in myself and quit my job without having another one lined up. It was hard to have people think that I must have been fired, because who quits without another job? But I had a very dysfunctional manager and the job was negatively affecting my health. I meditated and prayed a lot, and came to understand that it truly does not matter what anyone else thinks. All that matters is what I know, and that I know I'm taking care of myself. I'm glad I did it and went on to have better health. I've started a business that's much more fulfilling for me. And very grateful that it's working out so far!
I opened my kiosk at the mall. It's been a rollercoaster ride of emotions, challenges, impossibilities, breaking points, learnings and unknowns. I've felt alone a lot... but I can also see my strength through this. Sometimes I can't believe I'm still standing. But here I am. Right now I'm resentful, sometimes I'm inspired but mostly it makes me feel like a failure and disappointment. I second guess my decisions a lot because of the mall decision. It has affected everything in my life because it's been such a struggle.
Got pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So excited, rejuvenated! But also anxious and feeling not enough.
I had a long overdue conversation with a close friend about how I wanted to be more than friends. We weren't on the same page and our friendship has changed significantly since. I felt sad and resentful immediately after, and still occasionally feel that way. However, I am grateful for the clarity and for the ability to "right size" my investment in our relationship. In the process, I learned how and when to walk away from friendships where I am devalued.
In Feb, My multiple sclerosis diagnosis was moved from relapsing-remitting to secondary progressive. I went on Weight Watchers, am down 41 pounds and 18 more to go. Started just in general being more aware and cognizant of my health. There is plenty I'd like to add to the new, healthy Jeff but I have started... I was depressed and upset but I turned it into a positive. I also made amazing progress in therapy. Its all kind of tied together...
I quit my job and committed myself to what appears to be a year of treatment for my eating disorder and past trauma. I am so grateful I did it but at times find myself feeling totally resentful. I gave up what I thought was my dream job, I am feeling scarily reliant on the boyfriend, and my biggest cheerleader in the form of my dog lives 1000 mi away. I am thrilled and full of hope for what the future may hold and also scared shitless.
We were in Texas during Hurricane Harvey. It was scary and I was relieved and grateful to get home a day later than planned. I was overwhelmed by the weather, and the way it stopped me in my tracks---all plans out the window, so to speak. I was later inspired by the people of Texas and the greater U.S., who came/are coming together to heal and re-build after destruction.
The most significant experience for me this past year has been figuring out I'm polyamorous. What started as simply expressing my non-monogamous side quickly morphed into wanting more than sex and physical attention. The challenge of having to admit this, how it fits into my life, how it could work, was bittersweet -- even painful at times. I have cried more in the past year than I can remember, but I have also felt immense amounts of joy, calm and feeling comfortable in my skin -- perhaps for the first time in my adult life. I am still learning and still figuring out the deeper areas of this part of my life. It has led me to finally admitting I'm also terribly codependent and must set strong boundaries. That my kindness is not deserved nor valued by everyone, yet I still need to give everyone their own chance, unsullied by past experience. I'm trying to be kind to myself first and truly listen to what I need vs. what I want at any given moment. It is an ongoing exercise -- one that I hope is much more reflexive and "muscle memory" by this time next year.
A significant experience that happened for me in the past year was getting my new job. I am so grateful and also relieved. It feels so great to be appreciated by everyone around you and know you are supported. Going to work everyday and being happy to be there and wanting to work hard has been the best feeling.
I figured out that I was raped. That sounds weird, but I was with a woman for years and I thought it was normal that consent was a very small factor in our relationship, partially because she was my first girlfriend (I'm 31). I am terrified to talk about it because we're lesbians and the community doesn't need any more of a bad rep (we're from rural parts of red states). Also, I have parents who are not okay with the gay community, so if anything got back to them it would be another opportunity for them to tell me god is punishing me. But acknowledging that I was sobbing and pushing her away during sex and that that was not okay has been huge. I'm still working through a lot of it, I cried earlier this week because a doctor touched me on my upper back. I feel lonely, most of my community of friends stuck with her after the breakup. I feel resentful, touching people feels weird now. And I feel betrayed, how could someone who said they loved me and who I relied on do this to me? I am nervous that I am not learning from the difficulties of growing up where I did and am accepting love that is not what I deserve (cliche I know). I am also nervous that I'll never want to be with someone new again. All of these thoughts are compounded by the fact that my friends are starting families and having kids.
I was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 weeks ago. Completely blindsided me. I am fairly young, there is no history of any kind of cancer in my family. I have 2 small children. I am terrified. Not just of what I have to go through now, but of a future spent waiting for it to come back.
Definitely the meditation retreat. I'm so deeply grateful for getting the space to meditate on metta and to breathe. Even if I don't have an active practice right now, I can feel its influence every time I feel my whole body, notice my breath, or luxuriate in a pleasurable moment.
The most significant event I can think of is one that hasn't stopped happening: Election Day and its aftermath. There are occasionally befores and afters in your life, and this was one of mine. I was so sure - well, so almost-sure - that everything would work out well or at least okay, that we could get to the business of healing ourselves as soon as the ballots were counted. Which isn't how it happened. I was afraid of DJT winning, and he won. Then I was afraid of what the country would become under him. Which it did and didn't. We're still here, though so many of the small, decent things about us have gone. I don't even know how it's affected me yet, except to say that it has. It feels a little like the scope of the future narrowed down to just the next few days, and then the days after that, and then the days after that. I have no idea anymore what next year will be like - not when everything is in flux like that. But I plan to be here. I think we should all plan on that. And I hope that he is far from Washington by then.
This past year we went on our honeymoon, I got a new job, celebrated year one of marriage, started to try to have a baby and C "an affair"... The affair, being the most recent big event, holds a lot of feelings of resentment for me. It was such a stupid transgression, technically NOTHING /happened/, but the possibility for something to happen still exists. It arose feelings about myself, our marriage, C as a person, that I'm still, a couple of months later, not sure how to process. I worry that this will be something that stays with us for a while and with me forever. It's an active job to combat feelings of unworthiness, of disgust with him, of wanting to run away from this forever. It also coincides with me not having my period for now 2+ months. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that this was SUCH a stressful event that it threw my body into such a tailspin. And yet... That's exactly what I fear it has done. I'm trying and am hopeful that when I read back on this next year, that it's not as fresh, that it's less impactful and that it's already become one of those "lessons learned"... We'll see.
Completion (mostly) of the renovation work on the house. Still not using it to the fullest extent and still need to eliminate clutter, boxes of unused stuff, etc. Relieved that is done.
I have a new boss at work and she has taught me how to believe in myself in a way that I never have before. She is kind. She is generous. She is funny. She is vulnerable. She is a light in my life. I have a much better idea of the gifts that God wants me to use because she empowers me to discover them. I am beyond grateful.
Donald Trump was elected President. I have yet to recover. I am disheartened because I predicted things would get worse, and they have. His victory was a glaring acknowledgement that we have not come far enough with respect to civil rights, humane treatment of people, equal justice for all and there is pain and suffering for too many.
The most profound thing to happen to me this year was the election of Donald Trump. In answering that question, I reflected that that means a lot is going well for me- I have my health, a great marriage, I live in a wonderful city, etc. so on a personal level everything is going well. On a broader level, I think this is the most significant thing to happen to me and the citizens of this world. Given the financial and military strength of the United States, hiring a fucking nut job was an incredibly irresponsible thing to do (although, maybe we didn't hire him- maybe Russia did.) Relieved? Resentful? Inspired? I'm scared. I'm scared that there might be a nuclear war, and I'm scared that climate change issues are not being addressed which may lead to limited food in the next 10-20 years. I'm worried we might lose our healthcare. So, I'm scared and mourning the lifestyle I'm afraid I'm about to lose.
Well, of course there was the election and its dreadful aftermath. We have all had to ride a wave of emotions and find our new footing in this political landscape. At first I was completely shocked and dismayed. It was a like a shot to the gut, the realization that so many people (no, not a majority, but still so many voters) could think it even vaguely possible to vote for a crazy, racist, misogynistic blowhard like Trump.I could not seem to stop crying. Then my feelings turned to rage and defiance and I felt more empowered being out on the streets -- the women's march, the spontaneous resistance to the muslim ban, and more. My initial fear, pain and rage kept me going for a while, but started to ease -- for better or worse. I was determined to find a way to sustain my participation in the resistance, but felt overwhelmed by the many fronts that required a response -- the environment, women's rights, immigrant rights, labor rights -- all under attack at once. I volunteered to do research with the Sister District Project to roll up our sleeves to help swing more districts to blue, I started donating more money on a regular basis. But I still feel somewhat bewildered about how we keep up the work and fight to preserve our democracy and a civil society.
A few weeks ago, my daughter (27 months) weaned from breastfeeding. While I was eager to wean and tired of being always on call for a sometimes needy and always irrational toddler, I miss the special connection we had during those quiet and still moments. We are making space for lots of cuddles but a part of me is sad that this phase of motherhood has ended.
My dream came true. I'm a poet laureate. I'm shocked.
I sold the company I started, was unemployed for 4 months, started a new job in an industry I've never worked in, and my wife had a baby (to whom I'm the father...). All in 5 months. I am incredibly grateful to have gotten through all of that, and it has only made me stronger. I have picked up some excellent habits as a result of it.
This might be the easiest question I've ever answered - three days ago I got married to the most incredible man! I don't believe in "soul mates" but I do know I found someone who is perfect for me. Every detail about that weekend was perfect as we planned it together. I am excited to continue our journey and see where the next year takes us: Travels? Child? New home? New jobs? I am also beyond grateful to have been blessed with both of my parents able to walk me down the aisle. There are several times over the last few years that I wasn't sure that would happen. It is now a moment I will cherish forever.
I have a dissociative disorder that makes it really hard for me to remember things. It's easier for me to recall certain flashbulb codified moments, from my constructed "life story," than actual memories beyond a couple days. I'm not like the fish in Finding Nemo or anything, I'm not factually disoriented, it's kind of a spiritual disorientation. I can best describe it as a sensation, every few days or at most weeks, of waking up on the earth as if I'd just dropped from the sky, to renegotiate my existential position anew, a discontinuity of soul. When I initially read this question, I tried to look back at the year and got a white blank. However, as I wrote this, I did recall something that fits that description from just this past weekend, which means it is rescued from dark long enough to be included in this project. It was that I read the diaries of Etty Hillesum, all in one day, in a cafe. Etty Hillesum, to make short work of a complex subject, can be thought of as an "adult Anne Frank." She was a Dutch Jewess, 28 years old at the time of her writing, who died in Auschwitz. She journaled the final two years of her life between the Nazi invasion and her transport, and it is a vivid depiction of something quite incredible; her transformation from a fretful girl, thinking mostly of becoming a great writer, to what can only be described as a modern mystic and even saint. It broke me open. My disorder, which is one of attachment, brings with it other deficiencies, the most painful of which being an inability to be close with others, even friends are kept at some distance. If I even try to do something like date, I am faced with an episode of greater dissociation and emotional pain that can be quite debilitating. So I have attempted to adapt to this, the knowledge that, while not impossible for this to improve as I am now in treatment, it's unlikely-seeming that my life will include a healthy loving relationship (now that I'm done repeating abuse cycles). This is not something I've succeeded with, and is a source of a lot of self-pity. Watching Etty transform from a not dissimilar state of turbulent emotionalism to what I experience (that's why I need the dissociation), to an acceptance of her fate with no self-pity whatsoever, instead with total gratitude for every small thing she could cherish as her circumstances worsened and worsened and worsened, and a total dedication to being of service to others -- it sorted me right out. It showed me a path to accepting my much smaller sorrow.
I found a new job! Although I was in a short period of bewilderment, I am grateful for the support I received from family, friends, and especially my softball teammates. They offered me a short term position to hold me over while I searched for the right fit at another firm. It was an incredibly nice thing for them to do for me. It enabled me to confidently seek the position I wanted with other firms who do work that I felt was more exciting. I landed the new job in late October and have been happily busy ever since. I learned that I am the type of person who actually likes to work. I like the sense of accomplishment and to know that I am doing something right and am helping others. It helps to be working on something that is inspiring - like the project I am working on now.
I was made aware that I had been in love with someone, who clearly did not feel the same way about me. It made me realise that all this time I had been making life decisions based on that situation, and not about what I actually wanted to do. Since making that change I have been much healthier and happier and now have a much clearer view about every situation that I enter.
The election of DJT devastated me. It also inspired to become politically involved, and that has one of the most meaningful things I have done. Feeling inspired, connected, and hopeful now.
I started working at Aims CC and decided to go back to school instead of working a boring job all day feeling like I'm not going anywhere. I am grateful for the opportunity to once again further my education so I can obtain my Bachelor's in Human Services. I am relieved that I can see myself going places again, but a little stressed out because going back to school is a bit harder but I am inspired to do great and finish it up!
My youngest grandchild was born in November. Lior Yehuda is my 20th grandchild and he is as his name depicts "my light".
My third child underwent skull surgery in January at just 3 months old. I can't remember a time when I was more afraid. My stomach was in a knot from the moment he was taken from my arms until the moment he was in them again. I was so relieved that it was over and that he was ok that I happily spent the next few days in the hospital holding him 24/7. Today he's almost 1. He learned to walk at just 8 1/2 months. He climbs furniture and dances. I can't believe how amazing and resilient he is! I am grateful every day that I get to be his mom!
I came to finally realize that there is nothing I can do to help heal the relationship my x- husband has with his children. I am moving through the pain of this realization but also feeling hopeful that I will be released from the profound sadness I have. I sense this letting go will have deep lasting effects throughout my life.
I would have to say the Presidential election. What could be more significant on a macro level? Like many others, it affected me deeply. After the initial disbelief and shock, came anger, sadness, worry, anxiety and more. This is an ongoing "experience" as much of the good that was accomplished in the last 8 years is being dismantled, as hate and nationalism become more vocal and public, while social justice falls by the wayside.
WELL THE RUSSIANS STOLE THE ELECTION AND PUT A FUCKING NAZI IN THE WHITE HOUSE so I would describe that as pretty fucking significant and terror-inducing. Also we got married. That part was great.
I traveled alone through Scotland, even driving on the left side of the road. Of course, this was after Steve left me without a word taking most of the supplies for the trip we'd planned. I'm very proud to have rebounded and had a memorable and successful trip all on my own. I'm also relieved to know that relationship is finally over and in such a way that it can never be recovered. I still miss him.
My significant experience is the making of a film this past year. I am grateful for the opportunity to stretch myself and learn new skills but I am so glad its over. I do have some resentment. Things did not go the way I had hoped and a few powerful events happened that have made me sad and a bit bitter. I am a doer and someone who likes getting things done on time and under budget...its how I make my living...it was really hard to work with someone who is a procrastinator and inpatient at the same time. Someone who gets in their own way and, in the end, probably ruined any opportunities for this film because they sabotage it. It is so very hard...very hard to let go... to be proud that I came through 100% on my end and to watch all that hard work go to waste. I am indeed looking forward to starting fresh. I wish I was a better person and just could let this go.
I am grateful to have landed a job that I enjoy. It is slightly less money but I enjoy what I'm doing. I am grateful, relieved, inspired and happy!
I went to my 50th high school reunion. I was left with such a good feeling! Not only do most people get nicer with each 10 years, there was a shared closeness due to awareness of our mutual experiences of those long-ago times - our roots. I think we were all very aware of the passing of time, & how lucky we were to still be here!
I started a new job, in June. Not only is this a new job, at a neighborhood health center, but it's a new direction. From the first day on the job, it's felt like coming home. There is a spirit here, and a respect for our patients and clients, that is respectful, thoughtful and even holy, in the sense of the goodness of intention and righteousness of the work. I've enjoyed the work I've had up to this point, and feel that I've been productive, creative and industrious. This new opportunity is a gift.
The split upwith my fiancee was difficult. I am somewhat relieved, resentful and lonely all at the same time.
I realized that I was entering into menopause. I was utterly in shock at first when my blood work revealed that I was no longer producing any hormones. I realized that women (and our culture at large) does not discuss this profound change of life in ALL women. How is this possible??!! This made me angry. My Western doctor immediately prescribed HRT. The bioidenticals that she prescribed were toxic to my body. I felt inspired to walk through this change in a completely conscious and natural way. I began taking yoga sometimes 5x a week. I decided to give up the lifelong fight against my own body as a women and finally I felt inspired to speak out about the powerful transition of life for all women. Time will tell, but, today I feel both inspired and relieved that there are other ways to walk consciously through this transition. I hope to help other women.
I was installed as 1st VP of the Northeast District of Women of Reform Judaism. I am honored, and there are times I feel ready, and at times I feel stretched. The amount of responsibility pushes the envelope of volunteerism. There are times I feel I am being ordered to deliver. Mostly, I feel surrounded by supportive 'sisters'. I also went to Israel on a WRJ women's mission. Going with a group of like minded women was inspiring, and very different from the family trip we took 17 years prior to this visit. I had many wonderful experiences, including having an Aliyah with Women of the Wall.
I became a Jew in 5777. It was a major spiritual and emotional transition for me, and I feel a deeper connection to Judaism and the Jewish people than ever before. The immersion at the mikvah and subsequent conversion ceremony at our synagogue were beautiful moments which I will forever cherish. I am looking forward to fully embracing a Jewish life and living my first full year as a Jew in 5778. I am even blowing the shofar at services tomorrow!
the happiest thing was getting engaged. It wasn't fireworks or a dramatic exclamation in honor of Facebook. It was a simple, relaxed, express of satisfaction, recognition and commitment. And that's been the theme of the year in total: seeking out satisfaction, recognizing the good, and acting to prioritize it. Sometimes I'm (we're) succeeding more, other times less. But pushing forward to do better tomorrow-that's commitment. The less happy thing was recognizing how unhappy my parents are with each other, and how bad they are to each other. The experience definitely took place while on a two week vacation with them, a true lowlight of my life. Since then, I'm trying to stay out of their way, both to save myself and my own sanity, and to protect them. Unfortunately this means we are falling out of touch and losing our relationship.
In the past year my wife and I have had 3 miscarriages. To be honest, I don't know how I feel about it. I have lots of emotions. I am grateful we still have our health and nothing serious happened to my wife during those times, but angry, hurt, resentful, worried, etc. It has left my wife very angry with the world and, to some extent, God, as well as an inner turmoil thinking her body failed her/us and that she is the reason we don't have children. I hope this year will bring new experiences that will only be positive. I would like to believe there is a reason for everything, but it is hard to see sometimes. I pray for only good things to happen this year and it be a year of happiness and health!
My husband had an unexpected quadruple bypass on Christmas Eve last year. He was hospitalized for a week and my sister-in-law and I drove him home on January 1 to start his recovery. He had a truly amazing recovery, walking in the Women's March three weeks to the day after his surgery. His life was pretty much back to normal by April. The experience of accompanying him on his journey of recovery was challenging and hard work in the middle of a cold Alaskan winter. However, in the end we feel closer to each other and agreed that our connection has deepened. I am very grateful that he had this needed surgery before anything more serious happened.
My Mom died in January. It left me depressed and mournful, to this day.
This past year I learned to accept the new me, a widow after 56 years of marriage and friendship
I let someone evil in my life that broke me down to the worst person I could be. I stopped loving myself and let him win. A couple months ago, after years of lies,cheating, mental and physical abuse... I left. I decided I deserved better and found value in myself again. I'm grateful for the experience because now I know what I want. I'm able to recognize narcissistic nastiness in others and I can teach others how to not become victim of stupidity and self hate.
My family and I moved into a large new home that I never in a million years thought we'd be able to afford. I feel grateful and blessed.
I was being constantly harassed at my work but didn't have any money to quit. Baruch Hashem, a family member that had passed away had me as a beneficiary on his IRA and this money gave me a cushion to leave a very hostile situation and the ability to start my own business. While the working condition was so awful, I did learn a lot and am grateful for the experience, the money and my own business. I am blessed
2 things significant have happened to me over the past year - 1 is that I went through a Jewish conversion and 2 is that I got excepted into grad school to get my MSW. I am very grateful to become an official part of the Jewish community, history, etc. I am also relieved that the process is complete. I have wanted to go to grad school to get my MSW for over 6 years and with the support of my husband & friends I will start in January 2018. This will affect my future as I will be totally changing my career of 17+ years.
I finally and fully committed to being vegan after being a vegetarian for so many years. I have wanted to be vegan for a long time, and I'm so grateful I took the risk and made the jump. My husband has become vegan with me and we both feel great, physically and spiritually. It feels really right to commit to animal rights and ecological organizations and start to build community and support. "Knowing better and then doing better" has always been my mantra and being vegan does more for our planet than any other commitment or effort. Yay!
On October 8, 2016, in a freak accident, I severed half of a finger. This affected me in multiple ways, including physical pain and embarrassment over both the stupidity I felt for doing something I perceived to be very stupid and vane feelings about my hand never looking normal again. The greatest pain I felt was emotional because it was yet another difficult experience in a year (2016) where my oldest friend passed away suddenly at age 38, my mother was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer, and my 18 month old daughter needed surgery to correct issues that were causing failure to thrive (thankfully the surgery was successful). Oddly, I developed a certain sense of pride in how I was ultimately able to handle my injury from an emotional perspective. The reason I was able to handle it was the perspective I gained from the loss of my friend. How can I compare what I was going through when I looked at my friend's widow, who had to deal with the awful tragedy of burying her husband less than a month after their son was born? Bottom line - I couldn't. Aside the first day or two, there wasn't much self-pity except for occasional moments. I simply had to deal with it. If this injury had happened a year earlier, I would have reacted differently. Between this injury, other stresses that I had dealt with, and additional stresses I care not to mention online, I found that I came out a stronger person. I have a really good life. I have an amazing wife, two beautiful children, and a great group of friends and family members. Having 9.5 fingers instead of 10 simply isn't that big a deal.
Auditioning and being cast in a lead role in a musical. It helped me overcome fears of imperfection, of failing and it gave me confidence and faith in myself. I'm grateful for the experience and inspired to put myself out there again. The blessing outweighs the fear.
Well I left medical school, it's a mixture of relief because I was so unhappy with the false accusations including one of rape and one of purse sadness as I really do love medicine. But it led to me having a hypnotherapy business as I started HMI, I finished my program in 2.5 months, then certification in 3 months, but I was already in private practice right after graduation.
My newly formed synagogue is changing. People in the immediate community are still saying they are supportive, but they are not attending services. But I have been live streaming services and have discovered a global community for my services that is growing larger with every broadcast. I am disappointed that the people with whom I interact on a daily basis are separating themselves from our spiritual community, but blown away by the response from people I have never met from countries I have never even heard of.
Just this past week, I found out a mentor of mine for the past year passed away unexpectedly. She was healthy and youthful, and while I only knew her briefly, she truly inspired me and touched me in so many ways. If not for her, I would not have been able to successfully survive one of the hardest years of my life. She believed in me and believed in my abilities as a teacher when I had no reason to feel like I could do it. This experience gave me a chance to think about how I impact and affect other people's lives. I want to spend the next year making choices that are mindful but also choices that are going to make a difference to someone else. I don't think going into Rosh Hashana, I would have been thinking this way had I not recently experienced this loss.
There are two really significant events. Eli's bar mitzvah and Ellen's passing. I am grateful that Eli had a beautiful Bar Mitzvah despite his shitty year, despite the fact that his grandmother died, and despite everything that happened next. No one will take away that memory. I feel like we are reliving right now the joy of that moment. I did feel relived when it was over, but more inspired than I thought possible.
A significant event that just happened is my beloved cat of 16 years just passed away. I am grateful for the long time we had together, for the love and comfort we shared. how he was the family united. I feel good that I gave him medicine faithfully for 4 years and and oversaw his health He made me feel good about nurturing. I am still in active mourning and feel empty that he is no longer around.
My husband came out as bisexual and it threw our marriage into turmoil. We both had to reevaluate what we wanted out of our relationship and each other - and to do the work of rebuilding after he'd pulled away while he was figuring things out. I'm both relieved and grateful - relieved that with counseling and a lot of crying and talking that we've come out the other side mostly intact. And grateful that we still love each other enough to want to make that effort.
I lost my job, a week later, got in a car accident, the world seemed against me at every turn. So I did a lot of reflection. I discovered a lot of my family history, learned the truth about my heritage, even though I have no status in the community due to a lack of documentation; I know the truth and I know who I am. I started my own business, bought my first car without a cosigner joined the 6 figures club, and starting a great relationship with a gorgeous Ukrainian model. Life can really turn around on a dime.
I feel like lots of significant things have happened - I met the man I hope to marry. We moved in together really quickly and it was completely the right thing for us to do even though it was so different to what I would have expected I’d do. He made me feel brave enough to trust him and let go of all the things I was scared of regarding commitment. I also had a surgery that removed the Mirena coil that was stuck inside me and it gave me ownership of my body back. My best friend was going to move to Israel...and now she’s not. But dealing with that experience just showed me how much I value her and the fact that she lives so close to me. It showed me how much I want her in every stage of my life. I am extremely relieved that she isn’t moving away and I don’t have to deal with that separation.
A number of friends and acquaintances, in their 70's like me, died or had health crises in the past year. One woman, Barbara, was particularly dear to me and her death left a hole. As these leaves on my personal tree start to fall faster, how can I fail to hold each day as close as I can and be grateful?
My mother passed away unexpectedly this past March. I lost my father 7 years ago and am an only child. It was life changing. Although I know she had a great life and lived out all of her dreams I'm lost without her. I feel so alone. I had no idea it would impact me so much. I tell people I'm fine. But I'm not. I have 3beautiful. Hikdren ans a husband who tries so hard to please me. But I'm just never satisfied. I'm not sure why. I just feel lost and so alone. I know on paper I have my family and they are there for me. But it doesn't fill the void. I'm 47 and had so many lucky years with her. But it wasn't enough.
So many things. I went on Remote Year. It was life changing. It gave me a whole new family and reconfirmed my believe in tribal living/home is where your peeps are/I want to live in more than one place/not travel for holidays, but have a dagbesteding/purpose. I met some of the most amazing people and I couldn't be more grateful for that! I joined a sales team. Never thought that would happen. It's stressful because things are new to me. But that is exciting too! Not sure where I will be in a couple of months from now, but I love the RY fam, I love learning something new, I'm standing up for myself (asked for a raise!) and dedicated to my job (I care) and I'm excited about where I am professionally. I broke up with my on-off boyfriend of 5+ years and it feels good. No longer keeping something alive that is already dead. No longer not being the best version of me (or a slightly less worse version of me ;) ). Not sure where I'll be next in terms of relationship, or settling and that is kinda weird. But I feel good where I am on a day to day basis. I will get my IUD renewed which means I make a semi conscious choice to not have kids any time soon (even though it is reversible, it feels that way, which is different from how I think I felt 2 years ago).
I made a mistake while driving and totaled my car. It has made me a better, slower, more cautious driver. I am relieved that my children weren't in the car. I am mad at myself for making a bad decision and all the impacts it has on my family.
There is a Chinese curse that says may you live in interesting times. I think that the year 5777 will be remembered as a national fulfillment of that curse. So. The night of November 8, 2016 will be remembered as one of the most traumatic evenings I have experienced that did not involve the death or sickness of a loved one. The election of Donald Trump would have to be the most significant thing that happened for me in the past year. It has changed everything- from the amount of news and podcasts that I consume, the amount of time I spend on Twitter, the constant gnawing feelings of anxiety and powerlessness. On the positive side- participating in the Women's March with my daughter, daughters-in-law and sons was incredibly empowering, and watching my kids become politically aware and active has been truly rewarding.
Listening to my grandnephews becoming political has made me more hopeful of the future in the midst of this political/social mess.
The ending of a serious romantic relationship I was in was the catalyst for much pain, growth, and introspection for the majority of this year. While I am incredibly grateful for the memories and time we shared, I don't think I am prepared to say I am grateful the relationship ended when it did. I know that ultimately, we had deep differences of priorities and that in the end, if we were meant to be - I would have been given equal or higher ranking among a listing of people and alternatives in his life. I am somewhat relieved the relationship is over, as in the end I was experiencing unending anxiety, angst, pain, and self-critical behaviors that only reiterated my anxious state. I was drawn to questioning myself and my worth at every turn and step, and that behavior was both unsustainable and unhealthy. While incredibly painful, the slow ending of the relationship caused me to get the help I had needed for some time. While other greatly significant happenings followed this breakup, and still 7 months later greatly impact my days, I feel more prepared to face these happenings and overcome inevitable later strife. I am spending more days alone, but I am slowly becoming more aware that I deserve to be treated with the thoughtfulness, understanding, and care I extend to others, especially him. He is not a bad person, quite to the contrary, he is a great person, but I am awakening to the idea that he was the wrong person for me given my hopes, desires, dreams, aspirations, and largely, my faults. I am not resentful, but if I am being honest - I am deeply hurt. It would be easy to sit back and point 'See! You did the thing I asked you and warned you early on that I was afraid of! You, Sir, are a LIAR!'. But, I am trying to challenge myself to instead think that I play some role in the behaviors I tolerate and attract. The more I accept being a second rate priority in someone's life, the lower a priority I will become. I feel inspired in little ways, some of which admittedly are greatly selfish and mis-rooted. In an odd way, I am proud of myself for learning to steal moments, things, and time for myself; I am finding myself learning to be selfish and selective for the first time in my life, this is such an underrated skill. Despite the pain, confusion, hurt, angst, and yes heartbreak I feel the light at the end of the tunnel of this journey is starting to come into focus. I am ready to approach a new year with less memories of 'The last time I did X he was here.' and a more forward-looking, self-oriented focus. Of all that I have learned, I am taking away his unwavering commitment to what I now know was his best friend, himself. I am choosing instead, to marry my values of inclusion, compassion, and thoughtfulness into a belief that if I don't put my oxygen mask on first, I will never be able to help others.
I got married! It was not earth shattering event that made me feel that my life was changing forever but rather it was something that juts felt as the right thing to do. My wife and I are the same in thinking we did not need to spend too much on our marriage nor invite too many people. It was a small and staid ceremony and we enjoyed every minute of it!
This past year actually in a short span I learned that my job was insecure, and my wife was thinking she would leave me. My job fell apart, and my marriage didn't (certainly the preferable outcome). How did it leave me? Broken, damaged, rangy. I'm getting better, it's like I de-aged. I'm angrier cruder, but more okay with my own faults.
Making & being in LHB! It's amazing the personal growth that I've accumulated by being around such a diverse (personality-wise) group of people. I feel like I've become more outgoing and comfortable around people in the last year.
Ian started school. I'm grateful and relieved! He settled in so well, got on with his teacher, made friends, learned lots. My mental health has never been better now that I've rediscovered a life separate from him.
I decided not to get divorced, and moved back in with my husband. Although I still think it was a good idea to move out (and will ultimately help the success of our marriage), I'm happy to be back. I had to make that choice for myself, as did he. When I am upset with him, or about our relationship, I look back at that experience and it helps me feel good about my choice to stay with him.
I graduated from college! It was crazy -- I've been a student for as long as I can remember, and now I'm a "real adult." I am grateful for the experience and for all the recognition I received during graduation. I am relieved to be done with school and all the stresses that come with it, although there are new stresses that I have found come with having a full time job and becoming my own support system.
My mother-in-law passed away this year after fighting cancer for almost 30 years. She was truly the glue of our family, and it's been so sad without her. In the days before her death, we were all able to share quality time with her. Until the very end, her greatest concern was the well-being of her family. We didn't always see eye to eye, but I miss her so, especially for the involved role she played in my daughter's life. I'm glad they were able to know each other, and although my daughter is too young to remember her, I want to keep her memory alive.
I retired from a state agency where I had worked 35 years. I am grateful that I have things to do and fill my time and I can explore my many and various interests at my own pace: golf, FEMA reservist, raw beginner classical guitar, books I have been meaning to read, social entrepreneur, angel investor. I'm making it up as I go!
I proposed and my proposal was accepted! I am grateful to The Divine for enabling us to reach this point in our lives, for reinforcing the grit needed to point and drive myself toward being who I want me to be and to my beloved for letting me in and for trudging through the last seven very difficult years with me. My day starts with modeh-ani and despite the obstacles, self and externally imposed, I find numerous opportunities throughout the day to express gratitude and hope. Even when I miss the mark, I can be grateful for the opportunity to apologize, for teshuvah, and for the intention to do better next time.
I participated in my hometown Women's March on January 21, 2017, one day after our farce of a president was inaugurated. Far more people turned out than I expected. I thought perhaps a few hundred would show up; the final count was between 10,000 to 12,000. Before the event, I attended a service at the local Reform Synagogue. The rabbis and other congregants had played a large role in organizing the local march and both rabbis spoke at the opening ceremony before we hit the streets. The event energized me and reminded me how important collective action can be in calling out injustice. I'm still dismayed to wake up each morning and realize our great country is being led by a narcissistic and willfully ignorant reality TV show host, but seeing so many women I knew in my small city come out to protest made me realize I was not alone. When I got home and checked my Facebook feed, I was gratified to see how many of my friends participated in the various marches across the country and remain politically active in the months following the march. It gives me some small hope that we might survive the damages caused by the corrupt and petty man elected president this past November.
Well, I could say my wedding 3 days ago was a significant experience, but that would be too easy. Most of the past year has been preparation leading up to the wedding, from shopping for and purchasing the engagement ring to the long months of wedding planning. So I'm going to say our trip to Asia in January/February. It was the first international trip for me & Beth and I really wasn't sure what to expect. I've traveled internationally many times, while she barely has, so maybe I didn't fully grasp what a totally new & unusual experience it would be for her. We had some ups and downs--especially early on, as we coped with the craziness of Bangkok--but we survived the 2 1/2 week trip and learned a lot about each other in the process. I think the trip definitely proved we could persevere through trying circumstances and still come out smiling. It bodes well for future trips we take. I think Beth will feel much more comfortable and secure taking these big trips with me, and I learned enough about her to know her limits and how far I can push her. I can't wait for our honeymoon(s)!
This past year I got married and went on my Honeymoon. We went to Greece to visit my husbands family and see the sights. It was the first vacation I planned on my own. I was so proud of myself. But it was also very intimdating to realize that I was creating a new a new family away from the one I grew up with.
Reid was born! He changed me in ways I didn't imagine would happen. He is the sweetest, cutest little thing in the world and I am trying to hard to enjoy him! Practically speaking I knew things would change, but you just can't imagine the love. I'm so grateful for him and I feel that he completes our family. I can't imagine life without him! I genuinely feel that way.
In this past year, I was elected the Religious and Cultural Vice President of my Temple Youth Group. In a sense, I feel all of the emotions above. I am grateful because I worked hard to obtain the position, and I have a multitude of ideas I would love to carry out in the position. I am relieved because I was unsure of if I would win the position, but I did! I am resentful, not of those who voted for me, but of myself because I have assigned myself too many commitments this year, and it is causing me lots of stress in my everyday life. I am inspired because I feel that I can put a lot of myself into this position, and I can go further with it than people have in the past. I feel a lot of things about it, but mostly, I feel proud of myself and of what I've done to achieve that goal.
My oldest child graduated HS left for college. I was surprised by how hard it was to parent a young adult trying to find his independence this past year and in all honesty although I miss him- I don't miss him as much as I had feared I might. I was surprised by this reaction. Maybe it will be different when the younger one goes away to school?
I had hip replacement surgery. I was quite cavalier about it & expected it to be very easy. A good friend had both hips done and said "It's the easiest thing you'll ever do" given that I'm in good shape - I figured that I'd have the same experience. It was way more difficult than expected, I had some complications (a fever) and I discovered just how impatient I am. I'm both grateful and relieved that it's behind me - it was a 'good' lesson in having to pay attention to my needs, my thoughts, my impatience and my expectations.
I came to college, and I feel like I am exactly where I should be. The process of researching and applying was not too terrible, and I feel like I've shown myself that I can be quite independent. I did a large portion of the application process by myself. Now in college, I feel ready to learn and experience new things. I'm ready to be outside of my comfort zone and build my life. I feel happy and content in college. I am having a wonderful first year so far. I also ended a long-term relationship, which had to be done. Near the ending of the relationship, it sucked and hurt for both parties, but in the end I feel content. I think I've learned that when you've truly loved someone, it doesn't stop. There's always a part of you that loves them. So love really is forever... There'll always be a soft spot in me for him, but I can move forward.
A very busy year. We started by trying to sell our vacation in Costa Rica. A friend offered to help sell it to another friend. Instead he muddied the waters so badly that the deal is falling apart. He threatened us with the lawsuit and other complications. We won't know until next week if the buyer will go through with the deal. Very stressful. My dad died in July and that was difficult to. My sister and I have been getting along with all the things we need to do and the mess my dad left behind. My husband's Parkinson's has gotten worse. It's all affected me by just adding to my stress, I've lost more weight, and sometimes I just don't know where I'm going . I have difficulty being at home and need to travel all the time.
I moved into my first apartment! It has been interesting finally being able to act independently and really create my own rules for the first time. It is a little stressful, but man is it a relief.
Grateful yet exhausted to have started grad school
My boyfriend, Alex, and I started a website & blog. We started discussing the project in November, started building it in January, and sent it live in July. I am grateful for & inspired by this project every day. We have been looking for genuine ways to collaborate for three years (we've been together for almost five) and this website just feels like the thesis of our relationship. Even if no one else looks at it, it's an amazing way for us to catalog our life together. It also makes our relationship so much more cohesive, like our priorities are totally aligned. It's truly been such an exciting experience to collaborate on a project that we are both so passionate about, and it is humbling and awe-inspiring to be so supportive of each other as we challenge our talents, knowledge, and passions together.
I guess all the Hurricanes have been significant. Stuck in FL for a week, then Irma hits FL and now there are two that could potentially hit New England while we are there for vaca. Grateful, so far, not to be directly impacted. Sad for all that have been.
In July, my partner revealed to me that they had been cheating on me for the year prior. We had not been connecting very deeply in our relationship, but I really did not realize that it had gotten to that point. Even that statement makes it sound like I feel it's my fault. It's not. It affected me by making me question myself, and forcing myself to be more intentional. I am both grateful, for the opportunity to build anew. I am relieved that it was not just me being paranoid. I am resentful though. I've been harboring a lot of anger. I don't know that I've quite inspired myself yet.
After 4 years of recovering from a traumatic brain injury, my boss got back up on a stage to tell his story at a big conference. Leading up to it, it was like a battle to get him to do it, but I knew it would be a moment of gratitude for our team and for him that he's been able to be resilient and heal. He's not 100%, and will probably never be back to the person who hired me 6 years ago, but I'm glad he's where he is today. I'm happy that he's worked hard to recover and we've all worked hard to be patient (not always) and empathetic and keeping the doors open on the business that's been the best place I've ever worked. I cried a lot of happy tears and sad tears. I miss the man who hired me...he's still in there a little bit. But I'm glad others heard his story.
Worked super hard for the first time in my life , and got results. Realized that if I push myself, I can accomplish great things.
Our new minister resigned after only 6 or so months. I was not too unhappy about this as I didn't particularly like his style of ministry, but had decided that if most of the congregation appreciated him, I could learn to be OK with it. I withdrew from some projects that worked directly with him and was happy to be useful elsewhere. Several other members are still really unhappy with how it was handled. I think it was handled professionally and kindly, within the parameters of what was contractually allowable. I do not understand the disagreement over this and find it difficult to respect those who are angry with the board over it. I am grateful to the board for making it possible for us to find a more suitable minister. I feel inspired to be more honest in my role as friend and congregation member.
The most significant experience really just happened. I've applied for a programming job. Getting ready for it was stressful, writing a program and getting it up on the Apple Store, pushing forward every day, meeting up with people at the SA iOS group. It's been long and frankly uncomfortable. Just yesterday I got a reply from them, so they really only considered my materials for less than a day, and it was a stock "thanks, we have other candidates." I actually didn't expect to get the job, but I was really hoping to at least get in an interview. That has really disappointed me, and I feel rejected, obviously. Today I'm better, but I found myself breaking out in tears on my way to my work yesterday. I dread going in today. I must move on.
I decided to be willing and let go of expectations about how things should look when it came to publishing or even writing a book or even what genre. Everything changed. I ended up with exactly what I wanted in urban fantasy (not my genre before) and finally making money, building a fan base and finding out I could do more than I realized. I'm exhausted, grateful and inspired and I've learned how to just keep going and take breaks for fun or swimming or yoga and dream bigger. A lot bigger.
I separated from my now ex wife. Due to this I loved across the country to New England. Along with this I have been my now girlfriend for whom I am dearly grateful. This has been the best move that has ever happened to me.
I was able to make another trip to Cuba last March in preparation for creating a study abroad trip to Cuba for my college. I discovered that I know Cuba. I understand the people, the culture, the problems and the successes. And I know that though I didn't grow up in revolutionary Cuba I still value their revolutionary ideals. As a Cuban-American I disagree with most of my compatriots because I see Cuba as a beacon of how we don't have to be capitalist and greedy and always wanting more and better and technologically the best. We can love more and hope more and be more just. This is what I want to be and Cuba always reminds me of my best self.
A significant experience that happened in the last year was the suicide of my son's friend. It affected me more than I think it should have--- while my son and his friend were not particularly close when she died, she was a beautiful young woman full of life and love, who had spent time in our home, who had spent time in our lives. It made me feel regretful--- I would like to think that I am someone who reaches out to young people, who offers to be a person that they can call day or night, and that in the time my son and Hannah were not dating, I lost sight of what was going on in her life and I wish I had reached out more.
I bought a house in November 2016. After years of saving and looking, I was able to go through the process on my own and make it happen. I am grateful for all that I learned about myself and my needs. I am relieved that I found a home I love. I never thought that I would be doing this without a partner but I think I am better off because of my ability to handle such a detailed and intense thing on my own.
Mom died. For five months we watched her deteriorate. Dad was kind and angry and desperate. I don't think he really believed she was sick. He thought she was giving up when she was so tired. She didn't complain. We had to watch closely to know she hurt. They lived with us for her last two weeks. I feel privileged to have been there checking her vitals, giving her morphine, bathing her. Hospice was so very kind to all of us. Dad seemed okay when she first passed. He even smiled when talking to people during her services. He has gone down hill ever since. There were the constant references to, and minor attempts, suicide late last winter. The three day hold. The resentment that he was being watched and restrained. We have worked so hard to give him what he wants/would make him happy/content. None of it has really worked. Now, after trying to keep him home with family the aggressiveness has become too much. Threatening to hit/choke has drawn a line for us we hate. For two weeks he has been in a home. For two weeks we have gone to visit him, taken him things, tried to help him know we still love him. None of it seems to help. His dementia is getting worse by the day. I get to be his target most of the time but everyone is a possible target. Or all of us. His time sense is gone. He confuses so many things. He does not believe what we say. He told Anna that its as though he has a bunch of story cards that have been mixed up. We love him so much. He has been such an honorable, hard-working man. Such a good husband and father. I wish he could know somewhere that we love him. I wish he weren't so afraid. I don't blame him for being angry and its okay for him to blame or call me names. The real man I've known for most of my life isn't there. I only wish he could be at peace within himself. I suppose the dementia will progress to that eventually. We will miss him but he will have more peace. That is what is more important now. I love you Dad.
I studied abroad this past summer in Barcelona, Spain with trips to Madrid, Lisbon, the Amalfi Coast, and Interlaken in there. It was a good experience, but I definitely felt "jipped." It was one of those things that you always dream of doing and then you have so many expectations and it just doesn't live up to all of them. The main thing everyone talked about was how you make so many lifelong friends and have great experiences with them. I made one, thank goodness, but this was only one person out of a potential 75-ish. She is wonderful and I would not trade her for the world, but I feel like I may have missed out on a few things perhaps because of it. It made me doubt myself as a truly likable person at first, but it has made me more sure of myself now though. I don't want to be someone that I'm not and I don't want to spend time with others who do not want to be with me. I am much more open about who I am as a person and have been fighting against my anxiety even more to be my true self and not diminish who I am.
I took my two daughters and granddaughter and daughter-in-law to Portugal and then to northern Spain including Barcelona with just Melissa and Pamela. It was an amazing trip and life-changing for me. Such a blessing to be able to do something wonderful for the family like that. the most best I got on the whole trip was when I thought I had lost my cell phone which was still in the side pocket of the door. I started exercising more frequently and I am grateful for that and I am now planning a shoulder replacement. I have traveled much more in this past year than ever before maybe even more days away and then at home looking forward to the Qigong Retreat in October Completed as an IL - relieved
This past year I ran my first half marathon. I had planned to do a 12 week (I believe) training plan that would allow me to work my way up to running the full 13.1 miles. About 3 to 4 weeks before the race I quit running though. I just lost interest in it and had no motivation to continue running. I still ran the race and finished fairly well, thank goodness I had trained up to about 9 miles. I'm not sure what came over me when I decided to quit running though. I just told everyone I was bored and it was hard to run alone for that long, which is true, but I think I was just falling into a pit of despair and didn't have the motivation to wake up early and run or leave the house after work. I still feel that way. I'm not 100% sure what is causing this feeling but I hope that by this time next year I'll have fought my way back to who I am.
I just had a magical trip to the Canadian Atlantic Maritimes. Spent much time in Anne of Green Gables country, drank a lot of tea, and enjoyed being in a place with trees. Doug and I had a chance to reconnect and appreciate each other. It was the perfect cap to a summer without surgeries or recoveries...lots of art and inspiration
I started a doctoral program. I've wanted my doctorate since I was a little girl, so it was very exciting to finally be on the path to making that dream real.
I'm inspired by myself and the people around me who have helped me get to this day. I got the certification I needed this year to start my own business. 2 years ago my goal for the next year was to have a job. That happened, and then I took it up a level by doing what I really want to be doing and doing it my own way. It reminds me to get to the core of the goals, honor real dreams, and also let the momentum of the good aspects in the journey carry you where you need to go too. I feel a lot of my 10Q questions this year will be about my business. I'm pretty proud of that.
Working with the holocaust survivors blew me away and shook the ground of my faith. Many questions about the efficacy of prayer. A year of anger and disappointment and heartbreak spiritually..
This was the first year my daughter was with me - first inside, than outside. Just as the year began I knew about her existence, and then I waited, worked, studied and hoped. She seems just too good to be happening for me. I'm still the old myself however. It's just that there's this new person in the world.
My father died this year. He died in June and I have so much guilt over it sometimes I don't know what to do with myself. I regret not helping as much as I should have, I resent my step-mother for making helping hard, I am in agony over the loss. My father was an amazing man that made me feel special. I still pick up the phone to call him and then I realize he's not there. I wonder if I will ever feel whole again. I wonder if I will ever be myself again.
I honestly don't have many significant experiences in my life. They just don't happen to me - not enough "life" going on, I suppose. Outside of enjoyable, yet relatively normal things like travel, etc, the only significant occurance would be winning a cake competition. It was nice having my work get noticed. Sometime I feel like I'm the only one who thinks I'm talented, and others are just being nice. It was validating to have completely unbiased judges turn things in my favor. Makes me feel like maybe I still have a chance at doing this thing...
Of all the things that have happened in my own life, some of which have been shifting my course in decently large ways, I still think nothing this year can hold a candle to the effects of the 2016 election. The campaign itself was ugly, and what has followed - though I had hoped it would have the opposite effect - has only increased our tendency to separate ourselves from people we disagree with, and shy away from tough conversations. I am disappointed in the world that has been created for us via the isolation of the Internet and social media algorithms; and for all my talk of the opposite, I know I struggle deeply with the idea of acknowledging this and breaking it. Personally, I am deeply ashamed and embarrassed to have Donald Trump as our leader, and would have loved to see Hillary Clinton take the post. But I would like to be more willing to calmly and rationally talk about it with someone who thinks the opposite.
Le mariage d'Elise et Louie : moment magique. Découverte de la famille Salto. Une entente immédiate. Une belle expérience en Suède avec la famille avec les amis tout ça dans un cadre idyllique. Une visite de Stockholm, une découverte de la Suède. Un moment magique à Noël dans cette maison dans la campagne avec la chaleur de cette famille. Un Noël comme on voudrait en avoir chaque année
I had a miscarriage - attended my 13 week scan to find that the baby had died around 8 weeks. I was devastated and everyone around me seemed to be pregnant and throwing it in my face. I was horrified to think that I had spent the last 5 weeks carrying a dead baby around and had no idea. I had an ERPC as couldn't face physically passing blood and tissue. The physical recovery was pretty good - emotionally it is very tough and I still feel like my heart is getting ripped out every time I think about it. One month on and I am so desperate to become pregnant again.
I have had so many significant experiences this year. Wolf and I deciding to get married (although the formal proposal is still forthcoming) is definitely one of them. We've had so many adventures this year. Our trip to Cuba, and the man in Fusterland giving us a coin to bless our marriage (without knowing if we were married) was certainly huge for me. It seemed like a sign and meant a lot to me. On the downside, I have experienced significant workplace challenges this year that have left me disheartened. I didn't expect that getting my dream job would make me so miserable.
I lost my sister this year. I hate the euphemistic word, lost. It's not like she disappeared, although she did. She died. At 34. I was in Brazil at the time and I had to travel home. I'd save time talking about how it hasn't affected my life. But I won't. I still see my parents every day. I've changed jobs. Some of my relationships have solidified, and some have drifted away. My understanding of grief is now deeply personal. I miss her every day. And I live with a whole memory of her; Messy and implacable, generous and beloved. Whole and perfect, and wholly imperfect. Holy.
Mom was diagnosed with cancer while we (Lenny Mar and me) were on our first REAL vacation. I remember riding the minions ride, bawling and laughing hysterically the entire time. People had to think I was crazy! We saved for so long and spent so much money. We had one shot to give Mar the traditional American fun family vacation. We couldn't let the news affect us, but how do you not. We all enjoyed our time but the memory and the vacation itself both have this sad under current to them. Changed the entire year.b
I was baptized on April 23rd this year. Although I have believed in Jesus for a long time I had not really come face to face with God, my repentance and a commitment to walk with Him. I talk with the I Am everyday and my life is more complete. I feel relieved and inspired. I am now getting involved with Good News Club to offer the hope of eternal life with God to children. Why did I wait so long? It is good to put others before myself. It is good to know that I am loved and I am forgiven. Jesus is the Christ.
Settling into this place, this community, this time in the world and regaining my mojo - my voice, my belief in myself and my gifts that I offer the world. I have worked to stand in my own value and am free to share and radiate outward in a different way, asking for what I want and need. So many things had to shift to get me to this place but, as I embark on yoga teacher training and putting myself out there into the world as a portrait photographer, I am SO ready to let my light and spirit shine. I am grateful to have been able to transcend the many moves and the recent fallow season, to sit with that stuck energy and to clearly see what I want for my life - how I want to feel, who I want to show up as, what I want to create. Getting to do the work to make that life happen is inspiring! - a little each day will get me where I'm going.
Helped 100's of sick children on a medical mission in Paraguay.
One of my best friends died doing what he loved. Robbie Stewart gave me the greatest gift of finding my passions in conservation and now my drive to be involved is helping mountains move... or in this case saving giraffes, elephants and the Maasai culture. I have gone far and beyond my comfort zone living in Kenya now in cowdung-mud hut for three months to teach English at the school, learn how to be a wildlife conservationist and am taking every opportunity that comes my way to ensure this is a forever life career. People are just as motivated as I am and through these shares as I am through them. I just want to keep this flow going infinitely. Robbie gave everything to save Sharks so my focus is to be on that mission of positive impact. Right when I felt so lost, selfish and purposeless (in a head space of feeling I was just making up this quest piece by piece with no roots-which is true in some sense but with drive now and a vision) and homesick, Tyler reached out to tell me that Robbie had studied at the university in Kenya for conservation and marine biology prior to making the shift to shark conservation. I feel him with me every step, so I'm inspired by Robbie and completely motivated every day, in every moment.
I worked in Hawaii! Something I would never think I would do. I worked hard and saved my money! I'm still on that Hawaii high! I can do anything! Never stay in a position where you're uncomfortable... took my own advice and landed in HAWAII THANK GOD
I took a road trip with Mikey and Josh. It was unbelievable and it made me realize that we're even better friends that I thought we were. Traveling around the Southwest really helped me relax and opened my eyes to a new way of living. Reconnecting with nature helped as well.
Finally having the guts to apply for and get accepted to graduate school. I'm relieved and incredibly grateful that I got in on my first application. I'm looking forward to engaging my academic brain and I am also filled with stress about the experience to come. As of yet, I don't know where the money will come from and, I am worried I won't fit it or I'll be less able to do the work required of me than others in the program.
I drove down to my college town with my dad. It took 19 hours (he drove the whole way) and took two and a half days. I really missed having free time with my father since I moved out. We just got to hang out and share tons of music- I played Lorde and Bob Moses and he turned on Hank Williams and Django Reinhardt. We both love old folk and Jack Johnson, so there was plenty of that, too. It was a landmark for both of us. For me, I was leaving the state, town, and people I had grown up with for a new and daunting experience of college life. And he was saying goodbye to his only child in a way that he hadn't before. Plus, he was moving out of his house to a small apartment in the city. Even if I decided to turn back and go home with him, things would be different. I started my transition to adulthood that drive (nothing like my bat-mitzvah, I'll let you know). I love my father dearly and I know he loves me. I'm not sure if one call a week will ever be enough time to talk, no matter how independent and busy I get.
My husband's relapse on drugs and alcohol has caused a lot of pain and problems for our family over the last year. A year ago, we were separated and today we are working on our marriage in therapy, healing the challenges in our family, and working together to share the responsibilities in our life. His relapse has allowed me to grow and learn more about myself through a deeper connection to my higher power and the 12 step support group I'm involved in. I am very grateful for what I have today and for what I've been through that has gotten me to this place.
In October 2016, we lost our first pregnancy. I was so heartbroken, especially after having overcome some women's health issues in the previous year. I was so upset and angry and confused. In January 2017 we found out we were expecting again. Pregnancy was a magnificent human experience due me. It was such a challenge and certainly had an edge of sadness because of our earlier loss. Preparing ourselves, our home, and our lifestyle for our new baby was joyful, stressful, and had a real impact on my relationship with my husband. This journey- through both pregnancies- allowed me to acknowledge our love in new ways.
Fell very hard off my bike, dislocated my shoukder, and tore my rotator cuff. Took me 11 months to have a nearly complete recovery. Grateful to be better, grateful to have had a very good surgeon and an awesome physical therapist. As hard as this was, I did get better. And now I think about my own patients, and how much harder it must be to have something that does not get better.
We stopped getting work. We ran out of money. We went into debt. Because of our age, we were and are severely stressed by this, and can't tell anyone, although they know we are on a seriously tight budget. Work is appearing on the horizon now, and we feel less terrified. I was afraid I had run out of resilience. He was fearful of being around people. It is beginning to show in our bodies and our faces, but resilience and courage are returning a little now.
My grandmother died last October. I was very close to her. It was expected but still sad. I'm still grieving, but also comforted by the many memories. I'm grateful for all the time I did get with her. She did inspire me to live life to the fullest and not take things for granted.
I had my beautiful daughter, became a mother, watched my husband become a father, my mother a grandmother, my grandmother a great grandmother and my friends a family. Nothing has ever inspired me more.
This past year I went to Israel over the summer. I went with my camp friends on NFTY in Israel for 4 weeks plus 1 week in Europe. This experience was life changing and made me so much more grateful of my strong Jewish connection.
Stopped seeing a therapist to deal with the results of my former partners' addictions and my struggles around the dissolution of our relationship. I was angry that I had to go through that and mad at myself for not seeing it. I was resentful and hurt and struggled with the aftermath (and continuing aftermath). I learned to rely on myself and my gut and that my intuition DOES work. Learned that I can trust myself.
It's been a year (2017) of experiences. Some heartbreaking.. losing my nephew.. makes one stop (again) and look at life.. and resolve to make the moments count... or the one's that make one so grateful.. like the two holiday's we chose to experience.. that were brief but incredibly fabulous with fabulous awesome people. So yes, grateful, inspired to continue to live like this. To make the moments count. I'm getting better at it. And I will continue to... Resentful, no .. trying to stay on Awesome, Abundance, Enough.. thank you.
I think the most significant thing is Donald Trump becoming president. This was, and continues to be, a devastation to me personally, and as a citizen of this country. Part of what makes this so hard, is to understand the level of misogyny that is still present in our society. Personally, I have run into this so many times in my professional career. It's painful to know that it's not over... not by a long shot.
My mom died. It was world shattering. My heart was ripped from my chest. But I made it through. I supported my family and helped guide them through the deep pits of despair and anguish. I'm stronger now. I am more confident in my personal aspirations to be better. I'm in the process of rebuilding my life slowly, but I've got the memory of my incredible mom to help me when I get stuck.
There have been many, so I'll begin with one that is recent. Tomorrow I will have 60 days of sobriety in AA and this time I am serious about remaining sober for the rest of my life and staying within the AA framework and program for the rest of my life. I am relieved at this point and inspired and hopeful.
I witnessed the total eclipse on August 21 in North Carolina, in the company of an old friend. Its effect on me was to remind me (yet again) of the importance of making time to experience amazing things, preferably with other people. One of my goals for the coming year is to do more of that, and less worrying about obligations and responsibilities and "should-dos."
The death of both of my parents shaped so much of this year, with many days of worrying, three trips to Milwaukee, intense and important times with my siblings, and an amazing day of remembrance for them. I am sad -- not as sad as I sometimes think I ought to be, though that also reflects the relief associated with the end of their suffering and our anxieties. I am also deeply grateful, first to be reminded of the strength of my family but also to have had the opportunity that this long struggle and all the losses brought to deepen my connections with my brother and sister. I also appreciate how this experience cemented my sense of being in community in my synagogue, where I found more support and comfort than I had expected. I was reminded, too, that I can count on friends and colleagues for support. While I am happy to see this difficult year come to an end, I come out of it feeling stronger and more deeply connected.
In May I was diagnosed with sleep apnea with a suggestion that my weight gain over the last 4-5 years may be the driver for that issue. I bought the CPAP machine but told myself that now was the time to really take my weight loss seriously. I have almost entirely cut meat out of my diet, I drink rarely, I count calories and as of mid August I have started exercising again. As of this writing I have lost about 14 lbs and I am starting to see the difference in my physical appearance. I still don't feel totally great day to day but I am still working on balancing my CICO. Generally though this has made me feel really empowered as it feels like I am taking greater control over my life on a day to day level.
Moving to a new apartment and starting a new job has brought all kinds of emotions, including relief, excitement, anxiety, and exhaustion. I have found that even during positive life transitions, I find myself feeling a little lost in the in between. The change is good but I cannot wait to be settled in finally.
This summer working at camp was one of the most impactful experiences of my life. I learned so much about my friends, my peers, and myself. I was my most genuine self- working hard and caring about the people I was working for and with. I was challenged and came to it. I now am trying to take that experience with me in my life outside of camp. It hasn't been easy. The perfect and ideal place has been interrupted with the real world- death, challenges impossible to overcome anger and frustration.
Falling in love - I met someone who is on my page. I am grateful to have someone so loving and caring. There have been challenges but the good has always outweighed the bad.
My dad passed. He was young (62) and it was brutal. He was a healthful man. Just like that, a diagnosis of cancer out of the blue. Nearly 2 years later, we watched him wither away in agony and take his last breath. I am heartbroken, sad, angry. I was able to be with him quite a bit before he died. I said the things you want to say yo your dad when he is going to pass on. For that I am thankful. But I do have regret. We have never in my adult life lived near one another. He and I separated by many states, each raised a family over the last 20 years and neither of us made the other a priority. We saw each other infrequently. We talked a lot on the phone but never made visiting and getting family together important. I am regretful of this. And now more than ever, I realize that I should have made it a priority.
I started graduate school. I am grateful that God has given me this inner drive that once I have a dream and my sight is set on something, I don't give up, no matter how impossible some people (and they have) tell me it is. The next statement kinda contradicts the first one: I am still resentful about the fact that I let someone who was supposed to be a mentor to get into my head and made me believe that I couldn't get into a school that I really wanted to get in; now that I look back on it, I know that I would have gotten in and now I am even more determined to apply into the school that I wanna get in for my PhD. I am relieved that I finally got to distance myself from my roommates. It is lonely and sad sometimes given how far I am from home and how difficult to it is to make friends in this part of the world; however, I am glad that I get to have peace of mind and not to constantly have to worry about being stabbed in the back and dealing with two-faced people.
I decided to make my 70 year My Year of Sobriety. I gave up drinking & smoking herb. It was the first time I'd been sober since being pregnant w/ my son who's now 35. It has simplified my life somewhat. I have such a difficult time making decisions, or rather sticking to them. It was actually a relief to have that pre-decided. In the past, I found myself having to decide whether or not to do a hit every time I walked into the room where the weed was. I've never been much of a drinker, so that part was easy. I think i'm grateful for being led to do this. I was never resentful the entire year (11.5 months). Inspired? I'm not sure. well, I was inspired therefore to tackle the BIG addiction: FOOD. I am dealing with that thru WW. I will however get high on my birthday :) to celebrate the year of sobriety. haha
Breaking my collarbone in half while skiing put things in perspective big-time. Be grateful that I only broke a collarbone and not anything else far more serious/danger. Be grateful for every day of good health. Be grateful for access to medical care that I can afford. Be grateful for people in my life who love me and take care of me. Gratitude, deep and profound humility for the blessings I have--yes, definitely left quite an "impact."
I'd have to say my pericardial window surgery at the end of June. Holy cow-it came out of left field. I am beyond grateful that my GP caught it before it did me in. The experience showed me that what usually happens is not always the stuff we worry about but on the flip side has made me more nervous to think-what else don't I know that may happen. Cancer really stinks and I am tired of dealing with it but again, grateful for my doctor and the drugs that are available to me.
The idiocy of our country electing Trump! I can't even understand. This has made some people I know show their true colors. I no longer have patience for political discussion with those who voted for him. I'm resentful, I'm angry, I'm disappointed and I'm disillusioned. I thought we (as a nation, as a people) had evolved, but this election brings home to me that we haven't. All the bigotry and racism I thought we'd moved past and it's so clear that we haven't.
My first niece got married. I guess it affected me mostly because while the wedding was beautiful, and she seems very happy and his family is lovely, he's not Jewish. And her sister is also serious with a Catholic Boy. I know how hard I've worked, while not Orthodox, to show my children how important it is to marry someone Jewish, I still know its out of my control. And I know in a few generations it may be over...So its bittersweet. I hope my children marry Jewish. And raise their kids thus so. One is dong birthrite this year so I'm pleased about that.
My younger brother, who I'm pretty close to, moved away around this time last year. This has been pretty hard on me. I don't have many close friends in the area I can just hang out with casually, and so I've suddenly found myself alone almost always, whereas I used to constantly have someone by my side. We bickered a lot and he drove me crazy sometimes, but I really miss that companionship and knowing what his life is like. I think I've been harboring a lot of resentment towards him for this; maybe manifesting in some subconscious abandonment issues. We aren't as close (although he'd never admit it) and I feel both like the phone isn't as good for conveying what our lives away from one another are like. At the same time, it allows me some space to think about our relationship as siblings without feeling like I'm missing something, and I think he appreciates me as a sister a bit more. I still worry that we will continue to drift apart until some indie filmmaker discovers us and makes another "tragedy draws estranged siblings back together" movie. I go through a lot of periods where I feel generally suspicious of him. If I had a choice, I think I'd still like to have him in the neighborhood. He's not so good with words, so a lot of his support is through hugs and service. Most of that love and support has been lost in translation.
Two things come to mind. At work I've had significant opportunities. My dad also had some significant health issues.
I persisted through a toxic work environment with bullying, harassment, and a terrible culture. I stayed through the situation to accomplish a huge win in my career (the project I was working to complete and launch), I worked with a few really stellar people who bonded together to get things done in spite of the horrible conditions. I came out alright - with a huge win personally and professionally. And I left the company.
I received a lovely framed "heart" rock in a small basket from my daughter and grandchildren. I am grateful to the max.
The death of my husband and best friend of more than 35 years in December left me shattered, saddened, and untethered to plans for the future. In spite of all the sage advice to not do anything in a hurry, the reality was that I needed to make a very quick series of life changing decisions. With a lot of prayer, some good advice and the belief that he and God watched over me I have managed to move forward.
After a break up, I experienced an awakening of grief from following the rabbit trail of why I did not trust the person I was in relationship with. It was great to uncover and to begin to start chiseling away at the pain. It was scary and frustrating to grief my father situation but very refreshing and exciting to be able to finally grow through it.
I started college. All of my friends moved away and I'm alone at SWOSU. It's interesting, but I kind of hate it. I've been here for a month and I have no friends. For some reason I thought it would be different. I'm slowly getting more and more homework and I just stress cleaned my dorm to procrastinate on my work. I wish I would've gone to a school with one of my friends. I miss them.
I got married! to the person I wrote about at some length in last year's 10Q essay, over there, to the right! Whenever I stop and reflect, I marvel, and smile, and think of Sarah, and think of how lucky I am, how lucky we both are. In so many ways this was a challenging year. I have many regrets about how I've acted, how I've kept in contact -- or failed to keep in contact -- with close friends. I can get to feeling very bleak about prospects for the country where I once felt so much at home but now feel like a conditional resident of ... to say nothing about prospects for the human species, for Earth's climate... But marrying Sarah. What a miraculous development, what a good choice. We are on each other's team. We love each other and will care for each other. We have hundreds of little problems and difficulties but the very biggest stuff is just as it should be. I have no doubts about Sarah as my partner and life companion. What a relief, what an affirmation of life and love this all has been. What a developmental leap, too; one I didn't think myself capable of for much of my life. What love and what security Sarah & I have found in each other, during cruel, scary and unstable times. Amen selah!
My youngest son was married this year and I think it has had as significant an effect on me as it has had on him. He married his high school girlfriend and from what I can tell she loves him maybe as much as I do, if that's possible. I miss believing that I was the most important woman in his life. He'll be a great husband and father, I know that, but I will forever miss my son.
Unfortunately, my answer will probably be similar to many others doing 10Q this year, in that last year's significant experience was Donald Trump being elected president. My immediate reaction was shock, outrage, and deep dismay. I'd worked hard for Hilary Clinton and was led to believe she'd win. Today I am angry and discouraged in addition to the feelings above. I have given up reading anything political on FaceBook or Twitter because I know I can't trust it, and am skeptical even of mainstream media. I am horrified at the increasing prominence of neo-Nazis and the alt-right. Still, I refuse to give up. I have marched for women and Planned Parenthood, and against climate change. I regularly contact my senators in Arizona when important votes are coming up, especially regarding health care.
My mother died on September 7. I am sad and relieved and trying to make sense of my conflicted feelings. I am hopeful that with time there will be some clarity.
I retired (for the fourth and final time) on July 1st this year. I am very grateful, very glad, and very surprised that I do not miss 90% of the experience of work. I loved being a school principal, but I didn't love the politics. I just need to find a way to keep the other 10% - contact with students and teachers - in a less intense way as I move forward. I am inspired to now use my time productively, to the benefit of tikkun olam. Volunteering at Temple and working at a local food pantry are the first to ways I'll use my free time well. Soon I'll start to mentor 2-3 students at our local high school. Who knows what will be next...I don't know, but I'm excited to find out!
I moved to a new country. Germany. I am born and raised in Africa and studied in the USA. One could argue that it was inevitable given my travel bug. However, I could never have predicted that I would marry a man I knew as a great friend, and that we could overcome the bureaucracy and only spend 16 weeks apart before we were reunited. I feel lucky and I feel challenged to do more now that I am working remotely.
I met the woman who would become my wife. It changed the course of my life in that I was finally able to start to pursue the life I always wanted with her support, and also gave me the opportunity to love someone unconditionally in a way I have always dreamed of. I feel so enormously happy and grateful for her presence in my life.
I've recently had a serious illness and I hate that my body won't let me do things I want to do. Disability has not been entirely a curse -- I think I'm a more kind and thoughtful person because of it -- but right now I just want to not be in pain.
In January, my beloved dog of 14 years passed away in his sleep. He had been ill, so it was not completely unexpected. However, I had never heard of a dog passing in their sleep. Obviously, I was sad because he had always been a joyful presence in our family. I also felt relief and gratitude. I felt grateful that he passed peacefully. His last day was still a happy day for him and when he went to bed, we told him we loved him. I know that it would have been difficult to make the decision to euthanize him and I was grateful that he went on his own. I also felt a sense of relief because his we knew the end was near and it was causing a lot of anxiety for Jadon. It was really difficult for Jadon, but it's a relief to know that he survived the loss.
I studied abroad in a European this past year. While I enjoyed traveling to other parts of Europe, I was very unhappy during my study abroad experience and feel like I wasted one of the precious few semesters I have at my home university. I'm not sure exactly why I didn't like it, I think it was a lot of little things, but I'd take it back if I could.
I have a good and a bad significant event... First, our wedding in December. What an incredibly joyous occasion. It convinced me - long a skeptic - of the value of rituals like this, and the ability of people to adapt them, and the fact that, when changed, they DO mean differently in the world. Particularly meaingful to me was the fact that it was intimate - we had only our immediate families and closest friends. So it felt like a little enclave of safety, a testament of community and bonds and a really material enactment of who is there. Of love. It was powerful to gather love into the room, and instantiate it in faces, who were making a commitment to us and their relationships with us, just as we were making a commitment to try on life together. On the opposite side, I was shaken to the core by L's abandonment of her children this year - however brief and however much a tantrum - and not a real abandonment - it actually was. I have really struggled with my anger and sense of injustice in the way that L treats my spouse and her own daughter. I have really struggled with the feeling that I have been drawn into something very, very bad...ethically compromising.
I am beside myself that the ultimate con man and incompetent fool was elected president. He is doing untold damage to our country and the image of our country. The hate and bigotry he has unleashed from the Pandora's Box of America's latent fascists is a horror show for anyone who is not a white "Christian". As a New Yorker who has known him since 1980, I KNOW what a pig he is. He is a serial cheater who has not been faithful to a wife, business partner or kept his word with those he contracts with. New Yorkers tried to send the country a message in the Republican Primaries by voting for the universally hated Ted Cruz instead of Twitler. I am so afraid that he is going to start WWIII with North Korea and we who live in California are going to pay for it!!!! I can't believe the CIA hasn't knocked him off already. God knows they have murdered leaders in other countries forever.
This year I started a new job that I believe is in line with my passions and was the right career move for me. It was also personally enriching. The transition has allowed me to feel challenged, scared, hopeful, introspective, and excited to learn and grow. I feel immensely grateful because I keep seeing new sides of myself and others. I continue to be challenged personally and professionally by my new team. I feel vulnerable and that is something that I really need.
Making friends where I live. I am grateful for finding this plase
This year I was lucky enough to go to israel twice. Once was for 2 months. I knew that being in Israel for a long time was going to be very important and an experience that helped me to figure out what my next step is and it fully did that. Being there for such a long time made me realize that I need to be in Israel. That I need to be in the place that makes me so happy. It gave me the clarity I needed to say I will make Aliyah instead of maybe. I feel so inspired and relieved and happy and excited but I am also terrified. It is a huge decision and one I know I need to do, but it's still scary.
I woke up in the middle of the night on the 1st of january this year, and thought; 'this is going to be a wonderful year.' I was right: Our little nephew was born. Such a nice little fellow :). And we finally bought a beautiful house :). And last but not least: we are engaged. :) Happy, happy, happy, woohoo :D.
I'm having a lot of trouble with this. What counts as significant? Significant to whom? Well, this is kind of silly, but here's where it started: I spent $60 on a purse. Before this January, I had never spent more than $20 on a purse. I never even LOOKED at anything more than $20. If I found something I liked, I would buy it in a cheaper color - purses, hats, skirts, shoes... god, everything. But in January I saw a purse I liked, and after realizing I wasn't going to be able to find a cheap knock-off, I bought the real thing. So, technically I have been able to afford to do this for a few years now, but I always had that demon/angel Miser on my shoulder. "Sure, you like the Fuchsia, but the Periwinkle is $3 cheaper!!" I bought crap I didn't love. And I treated it like anything I don't love... and I'm not going to get into details about that, but I don't even treat the things I DO love well. Last summer I lost the periwinkle hat in Chicago. This month, I bought the Fuchsia. I didn't agonize over a few bucks, I bought the one I liked. And I wear it every day! I'm ... grateful, I feel empowered, and hopeful for the future.
Last year, i met my best friends. When i moved into my apartment by myself, i was reluctant and nervous about my future roommates. my mom kept telling me not to get my hopes up because they seemed nice and normal over text. the day i moved in, noone was home because they were at band and rush. after my mom left, i sat in my room extremely nervous to really meet them, but after reading the note they left on the counter i was excited. when they all arrived home, they immediately invited me to go get ice cream with them. in the two hours we spent together that night, i knew i found some of my best friends. these three girls who already knew each other and were friends were excited to be my friend after one night. i am so lucky and grateful to have these ladies in my life, and i couldnt ask for better roommates and friends.
A beautiful young cousin died from a senseless overdose. It makes me feel confused, angry, sad, and helpless.
My husband decided to change careers. This is a significant experience for me, because it has serious implications for my life. He has been in the military for 20+ years, and is in leadership, which is very demanding on him, and also on me and the kids. This career change has been 90% positive, and I expect it will be even more so in coming years. I'm grateful, but also a little worried about what the lifestyle change will mean for us (the new career has challenges of its own). Our goal is more family time and more work-life balance in general, and I'm very hopeful that this decision will lead us in that direction in coming years. I'm relieved to know that I can drop my duties that are associated with his military job in a few short months, as it's very challenging to handle those responsibilities in addition to a full-time job of my own, and being solely responsible for most aspects of our family life, since my husband is away so much. We look forward to the day when he does not have the weight of the world on his shoulders 24/7. We look forward to him being a part of our everyday lives (the kids and I), which will be a new experience for us.
I experienced having an online mentor to help me learn to promote and sell movement online. I have never had this kind of help for any new projects before and it has helped me reach out for help in other areas of my life. I am so grateful for the help and as a result so inspired to do more. I find myself trying and succeeding at more and more activities.
I switched jobs. I'm both grateful (less stress) and feel unsettled (I have a lot of time on my hands but that does free up time for school).
Probably the most significant experience that happened to me in the past year was going to college. Currently I am a freshman. However it is the things that led up to me going to the college I currently go to that has really made me feel a lot of guilt, sadness, and being upset. During application season, I was really unfocused and depressed. I got into many great colleges but at the same time I had no idea what to do so I put down engineering. I also took physics for the first time that year and I absolutely hated it and could not even imagine having to deal with physics for another semester. So I switched to teaching, but it was too late to apply to other schools so I was left with the schools I already applied to on my list. They were not schools I really liked. And surprisingly I chose the school I always hated. I'm here now and its not bad. But it is all the decisions I never took that in the end is fucking me over. I never applied early so I didn't have a chance at a full scholarship; I didn't apply for scholarships for dorming; I didn't show interest at first so a lot of things came to me late. And its the money that is freaking me out. Because its not even a great well known school. I know I am being unfair with my feelings but I keep looking back thinking "what if." And hopefully everything gets resolved. And I will finally be happy.
2 significant experiences: 1) For the first time in my career, my position at work was eliminated and I chose to leave the company. I had not been happy for s few years, but hung on because it was paying the bills and I had my executive status. Three months later and I am grateful as it gave me the chance to spend quality together me with my boys who will all soon be out of the nest. It is teaching me to think outside the box about the possibilities for the future. And trying not to worry about money. 2) My oldest son left for college and it's been a huge emotional transition. With the other two (twins) now on their senior year, I will soon have an empty nest and it is very bittersweet. I am grateful to have raised three wonderful (sometimes) boys to be independent men, but it is an emotional time for me.
I feel like there have been so many significant events in the world this past year. For one, Donald Trump's election has created a snowball effect for racism and hatred in this country. But personally, Jack and I lost our little girl earlier this year in the first trimester. It was a very depressing experience and I think I have come full circle with my acceptance and grief. I was completely distraught but have finally come out the other side. I'm actually going to stop therapy which is great! I have done a lot of great work and think I am in a good place. I'm trying to focus on being grateful for what I have rather than focusing on what I don't.
I dropped my story about being afraid to get in front of people. Now I am finding myself in teaching yoga. The whole year has been a quest to find my voice. It feels really good. I also had my horrible job eliminated. I wasn't surprised and it lead me to my awesome new job I worked through the anger and consciously let go of any fear and welcomed the experience. Sometimes you get the push you need.
I fought for and finally got a job reclassification at work. It wasn't the bump that I wanted, or deserve, but it's better than not getting one. I am pleased, but not grateful. Relieved that my checks will be larger, resentful that my coworker still plays games for hours while at work and makes 50% more than me. I am inspired to find a good position in a different department that will be classified at the level I should be at.
This year has been a year full of learning for us on some issues that our son was dealing with. He was having issues sleeping, gaining weight and issues in school. Luckily we have worked with the school and with medical professionals to identify a few issues that were going on. He was diagnosed with Celiac Disease five months ago and he has been receiving additional help at school. The journey to get to this point has been long and tiring but we are grateful that we now have some more resources and can help him be successful. Since we have addressed this, he is more successful and enjoying school and food in new ways.
It looks like last year, I framed this answer more as an "accomplishment" than an "experience." I guess that means I'm allowed to do that again. So in January I signed up for and started an ESL teacher certification course through TFLI. 3 months. 150 hours. It was me doing a thing I've been interested in for a long time. I think it was sort of out of desperation. I knew I was just a few months from turning 40 and that I couldn't see a way out of working as a barista right through that particular landmark. So I did the course. I enjoyed it. I wouldn't say I excelled, but I did every assignment and I interacted with students and teachers better than I've been known to in the past. I finished. And then I started a teaching job. 2 days a week. 4 classes. It doesn't even start to replace my barista job for income, but it's a move in a different direction. I don't know if this is my new thing. I don't know how long I'll keep doing it. Right now, I feel like I have a lot to learn as far as time-management and lesson planning. But I'm glad I did a thing. I know more. I understand some things about myself that I didn't before. And I turned 40. And I'm still a barista. I didn't float off down the cumberland on an iceberg. I'm a little sad and I'm a little relieved. It happened and I don't need to worry about it anymore. I feel too old, but I'm just the same. Maybe I feel too much just the same. I guess that's more of an experience than an accomplishment.
I took a 5-session Nonviolent Communications Workshop that profoundly effected and increased my thoughtfulness about how I deal with and respond to situations and people I find challenging. While getting the NVC language is still a struggle for me, the core ideas themselves have already significantly influenced how I show up and how I respond to wonderful and difficult moments, relationships, etc.
I have had a few. One is the realization via a conflict and being asked to ignore an illegality in my workplace that my job is suckong the life out of me....all i do is work and sleep. I have lost all perspective that my job is not me. I haave ben asked to compromose my moral code for the panic of a few at the top of the orginization. I am resentful. Angry. Frustrated. But i am also grateful that the true colors of some people have come out publicly. Because now I am well aware that I am not the isssue. Their fear and desperation are.
Getting accepted to SJSU and to CSUS. It showed me that my hard work had paid off. I was relieved but sad because I didn't like having to pick between the two schools.
Within the last month, I was ignored by a friend for three weeks. I had heard through our mutual friends that it was because I had spoken to a man at a party that she did not approve of. She had known this person in college and deemed him a 'liar'. My conversation with him was harmless, we got along very quickly. My relationship with this friend had been weighing on me for some time. She was a constant source of negativity and had a selfish, moody attitude. At twenty-four, I think I have the right to speak to whomever I wish without fearing a supposed friend would stop speaking with me. Therefore, her ignoring me was a welcomed change. I finally felt free to talk to anyone I wanted without her jealousy or attitude getting in the way. However, eventually it became time to talk. "We can all do hard things" is what I though approaching this conversation. I had every intention to accept her apology and tell her that I needed space from the relationship. However, she didn't apologize. She said my behavior showed I did not care about the relationship and she was offended that I ignored her. I apologized for making her feel that way, even though that is not how I saw the situation. I said I meant no offense, but would like to take a break from the friendship and recommit myself to being within a positive bubble. It was a horrible conversation. I feel guilty, sad, mean and a bunch of other emotions that I probably shouldn't feel. But I am not resentful, I am relieved. I know that I can do hard things. I know that I can make decisions about my personal wellness. I know that I am not responsible for someone else's happiness. I know that I can grow. I know that I can talk to whomever I want. I know that I can identify when I am being treated unfairly. I know I can confront people when their actions are interfering with the person I want to be. I know that not everyone has to like me for me to feel full. I feel happier than I have in a long time, and it all came out of a poor situation.
I moved across the country about 2 months ago. I am mostly excited, but also nervous. I am grateful for the experience to try new things and meet new people and relieved it's going so well so far and already beginning to feel like home.
My grandmother passed away in December, in a very sudden way. Not only did it really take me aback, but it was really hard on my whole family, and especially my father. He's someone that I've never seen shaken up or rattled in any way, and it was scary to see how affected he was, and really made me think about how I would react when I lose him. It's made me feel a lot deeper level of gratitude for my family, and it's made me think about what I want my legacy to be, and how I want to be remembered.
I attended a HWL retreat, it was amazing and it changed my live (to say the least) I was able to forgive myself, forgive others and release shit that has been holding me back. I am so grateful that I don't even have words to express how I feel. It has inspired my to help others who struggle with their weight, it's not about diet, or buying into a program its about loving yourself
Started a new relationship with Andy. I am very happy! I've been learning and growing and having so much fun. It's fun to fall in love and take new adventures and intimately get to know another human, as well as another place.
In my past year - my breakup. An intense and painful experience, no doubt, but certainly significant. It's made me think a lot about what I want for myself. Who I want to be with, what I want my life to look like, what partnership looks like, and who I want to be the father of my children. While dating through the past year hasn't been the most fun I've ever had, I'm realizing that I can and should be a lot more thoughtful and intentional about my life.
Our decision to retire and move to Tucson, AZ. At first it was traumatic and terrifying; we both fought it. My head knew it was a thoughtful plan for our retirement and elderly years. My heart did not want to leave DC, a city whose beauty continues to thrill me and a community of friends and associations that are deeply rewarding. It is scary to consider a whole new way of life as well as new daily routines and a completely new roster of services and providers. And yet. I am shedding an old, comfortable skin and growing a new one. This growth is sometimes painful. If we do not continue to grow, we become stale and atrophied. I am at peace and slowly getting comfortable in my new skin.
My grandmother died this year. I'm still in the morning period-- shiva is over, but it's been about three weeks and I'm still saying kaddish. Although I rarely spoke to her, she was my last living grandparent, and at 96 she cast a long shadow over my family. I kind of expected her to live forever, and while I've felt mostly numb and relieved about it, since she was so old, I turn around sometimes and find this emptiness in my chest that I cant' identify.
Gosh, I think it must be when I broke my wrist on May 11, 2017. It was a dumb accident and my own fault and it's because I was really tired from handing in my NYU MFA thesis and did not listen to my body. I'm not resentful, but the surgery forced me to slow down and I had to spend hours in PT instead of spending the summer on my bike. I am now more careful in everything I do because of the accident and surgery.
I sat for the California Bar Exam in July. Preparing for the test took nine grueling weeks, and the exam was two very long days. My overwhelming feeling about it now is that of relief. Although I won't find out until November whether I've passed the test and am officially a lawyer, the worst-case scenario is that I fail, and retake the exam in February. Before taking the exam, the idea of retaking it caused me much anxiety. But now I know what the exam is like, what the prep is like. It won't be great if I fail, but it won't be earth-shattering either. I know that I am capable of picking myself up and going through the process again.
A significant experience that happened to me this past year was getting a job working for Apple through their College Care Program. I'm so grateful to have the opportunity to work for such an amazing company, and excited for the opportunities that could surface from it after I graduate. I have been working in the food industry since I've been 16 years old and I've been waiting to get a job in the career field I'm interested in. I applied a year ago for this position and I totally forgot that I even applied for this job. It seems that everything happens when its supposed to!
Taking level 1 of my Board Exams for medical school was a huge challenge. Half a year of intensive preparation meant putting many hobbies and habits on hold. Although I did very well the process was grueling. After completing it at the end of May I have slowly come back into being myself. And it had been a fascinating experience beginning Krav Maga again and treating patients on my family medicine rotation. From annihilating my personal life I got to rebuild my values including new and old elements. I am relieved that it's over, grateful that I am done with the test. Grateful to have so many opportunities ahead of me, and looking for inspiration in hidden places.
I would be lying if I picked anything other than the Presidential election. It's had a profound impact on my work in social justice of course but it's also re-ignited my feminism and my passion for speaking out about it. It's also deeply impacted my daughter and my mother -- for different reasons and in different ways but all of them full of emotion. It's exhausting me. I am resentful of those who voted for Trump in a deeply personal way. Not only did it force me into new priorities and protecting rights I thought already won; it's posing a deep threat to health care while my son continues to battle cancer and the fear this sparks is chilling in me.
Christian was born this year, the day he came home Cam and I separated. It broke us both - but I'm grateful And relieved because now we are so much better and stronger. He is finally the husband I've been praying for. I couldn't ask for better. Also we finally got to cenegenics (bucket list!). And we have really been turning our health/bodies around.
Took 30% salary reduction. Some resentment but still love job and doing R&D for retirement by end of 2018. Or 2019 or 2020, clearly still undecided. While still long work I do have some resentment as feeling less valued by firm. Clients/customers still are grateful.
Major Major Event...moved out and decided to leave my husband. It was a long time coming and probably should have happened years ago, but I was scared, afraid, stubborn, ashamed. I am so grateful I made the decision. I feel I got my life back, I am seeing so much more of my friends, many I hadn't spent a lot of time with in the past 10 years. I feel inspired to meet new people, explore my new neighborhood, try new things, go new places. Still getting used to being back on my own after 12 years, but my new mindset is to say YES!!! to everything. If a friend asks me to do something (coffee, dinner, drinks, weekend away), if I don't have a conflict, I say yes, even when I'd rather be home on the couch vegging. Say Yes!
Finally getting my dog- it's wonderful to have someone to come home to, and a companion for walks and talks. He;s been with me for a little over eight months now and it feels like a lifetime. It's made me become more active by going on walks twice a day, and I've found places to visit with him which are lovely and I would never have gone to on my own. He is really my family now and I don't have to feel so dependant on my grown up children; I feel I have someone for myself. It's nice for my grandson too; he really seems to like him.
I think the most significant experience was ending up in the hospital after a very difficult semester. I took on too much work, and then when I gave myself a break, I ended up very sick. And still, it seems hard for me to learn my limits. I want to take better care of myself, but it's hard to know the line where "self-care" and "self-improvement" become a form of self-flagellation. My father becoming ill - or rather, me realizing the extent of my father's illness this summer - was significant as well. Those two events happened right on top of one another, and it did call into question some of my priorities and feelings. I was surprised at the antipathy I felt towards my father's situation. He has been so uninvolved in our lives for so many years, I had accepted that he may just never be involved. Now, I know he never will be. He's not capable any more of involvement. I wish I could put him in a place where he is being cared for, but he claims that would make him miserable. I can't really do any more than shrug my shoulders and let this take place. I am grateful, as always, for the superior health care I received during my illness, and for the health of my boys. Nothing is more precious to me than that. So despite the challenges, I still am so grateful. Another year with my family - I can't ask for much more than that.
Dating a really nice guy for only three months, and then breaking up because fear stopped us both. Looking back, it wasn't fear that stopped me - maybe it did him, but mine was more because I didn't know what I was doing. My dad always told the story of Alice in Wonderland. She walked and walked, and when the cat asked, "Where are you going?" and she said, "Well I don't know", then the cat replied, "Then you just keep going!" I think I was in that mindset when I met him. I liked him and I liked that he was everything my previous ex was not. He cared, he focused on his family, he loved his church, he loved God and the prospect of doing mission for Him, and he served me in ways I never thought possible. But I was always worried that one day he might flip out and get angry. I don't know why that was such a scary thing - perhaps because he had that energy, but was really trying to press and turn away from it. So unhealthy. I am relieved that the event happened, and in the duration that it happened. I remembered crying while sitting in Central Park, a couple dozen tourists walking past, murmuring in their language - and I had nothing to wipe my tears. But I remember feeling so grateful that he backed away - because sooner or later I would have to break up with him anyway.
Cubs won the World Series & I felt inspired & grateful.
I have alot of unresolved trauma from child hood so I have started counseling. It is only the beginning. I am grateful we have good insurance. I am nervous about how bad it will get before it gets better. I am not resentful.. I bet I will be later.. right now I am just scared. I constantly worry about what will the next session be like. I have high hopes for 7 months down the road.
Learning that I had to have lap band removed. Initial panic set in. I was determined to get on top of this eating related weight problem. Been on M2 for 4 weeks and believe I'm in the groove FOREVER
Being appointed to the Human Rights council in my county. It has connected me to community and given me a way to contribute. I am grateful and proud.
Describe a significant experience that has happened in the past year. How did it affect you? Are you grateful? Relieved? Resentful? Inspired? I moved to New York in mid-November 2016 just after the high holidays. It was nerve racking to leave my comfortable apartment, friends, belongings, and lifestyle in San Francisco for the total unknown. Luckily Claudia had agreed to move with me and I had people like Shayna, Sadia and Erik in NYC that I knew would open up my social circle. Yet introducing myself to a new office culture and people, including a man who isn’t worth mentioning, that I was terrified of seeing regularly at work, was intimidating. But I did it anyway. I found an apartment, a new transportation routine (from walking to taking the subway to now citi biking), and even a boyfriend within 3 months. It was a relief to know that I could change locations and yet keep my core. But before I moved to New York I had the most earth shaking 10 days at a silent meditation retreat. Just under a year ago, I left my comfortable existence in San Francisco for New York City. The move was bold for me as I had never lived outside of California. Was it the bagels, the bright lights or the prospect of experiencing seasons for the first time in my life that drew me across the country like an activated magnet? As I prepared for the move I adopted Marie Kondo’s method of letting go of everything that did not give me joy. Clothing, furniture, art and literature were donated or sold. I kept only 2 suitcases, a blanket and a meditation pillow. I moved out of my apartment, observed the Jewish High Holidays and on Yom Kippur after 10 Days of Awe, I piled my belongings into a stranger’s car heading to a silent meditation retreat in Northern California without much idea of what could lay ahead. At the meditation retreat I took a vow to not make physical, verbal or eye contact with anyone for the following 10 days. Then I locked away all technology and reading/writing implements, heading to the meditation hall for my first uplifting 2-hour meditation session. It only took me 15 minutes to discover that my meditation practice was weak. I had meditated previously but it was always guided an insightful instructor telling me what to think about. But the meditation at the retreat did not have an extrinsic flow, only the occasional Hindi chant. The first night I sat on the cold linoleum floor with an aching back and legs wondering about the passage of time. I reassured myself that 10 days would fly by. Each day we would meditate for 12-14 hours and in that time, I would agonize over the physical pain, the depth of my breaths, how my family and friends may be doing without me, why I just gave up all my physical belongings followed by my voice…voluntarily. I wondered if I was masochistic and why I had to make everything so complicated and difficult. There were a lot of silent tears until I realized that my thoughts were the source of the complications, the difficulties. Eventually there were moments of clarity when I would watch a lady bug glide across a wooden wall with ease and effortlessly smile. This vibrant red bug with white spots and delicate legs was better than any cartoon I had seen. It was as unpredictable and beautiful as I decided in that moment. I looked around and realized that it was within my own control to find beauty or conversely, resentment in everything. I stopped exerting energy on what had previously irked me, the drought-battered browning grass, the redundant morning oatmeal, and even my roommate that would never shut the communal door. Just like the lady bug, there they were and there I was. The following days were not joyous, but they were peaceful and unique. After 10 days of silence, I stepped back into reality. I received my phone that had notifications which made my eyes twitch. I called my family and the sound of their voice over the phone made my eyes moisten. The mundane was now astonishing: a cup of coffee made my heart beat out of my chest, making someone else laugh restored my sense of self, and having more than 1 meal a day was a luxury. I was glowing and I was ready to bring my new humbled perspective into my work and life. I traveled to Germany for work and then went directly to NYC. My first task in New York was to find an apartment within budget. I hustled countless brokers and was exhausted by the scheming. Donald Trump was elected President. I drank too much and hugged a stranger who looked like they could use it. I laughed with my sister and for a minute that was enough. I was also back at work and the days went by quickly. There were many emails, conference calls and voices to listen to. It was noisy. I purchased Bose headphones to literally block out the noise. I joined Calm for on-the-fly virtual meditations. But I was still struck by the fact that there was a lot of content being generated and not much thought behind “why” we do what we do. When I moved from San Francisco to New York I naively thought that my world would transform. But there I was, day in and day out doing much the same work and despite the awakening I had at the silent meditation retreat, I still got swept away by small disturbances and often felt numb at the end of a long day. A co-worker of mine similarly longed to bring a spark back into her life and work. We created the Purpose Tribe to connect people and organizations to their inner fire by helping them define their "why." Our goal is to incorporate questions like “What are you trying to accomplish?” and “Why does it matter to you?” into the fabric of everyday life at work. We are committed to breaking through monotony to help others find passion and purpose in the work that they do. Ultimately, it’s all about momentum and finding your tribe. Moving into this next year/10 Days of Awe I want to remind myself to keep moving. To never stay stuck somewhere I don’t belong. To love big and loudy. To put myself out there. To be good to my family and friends. To not go numb and instead be proud of my contributions to the world everyday, no matter how big or small. To never lose my spark.
I was involuntarily transitioned from my job. It wasn't one that I liked, but it was one I needed, I was learning from, and I was proud to have. I felt disappointed, frustrated, embassased, relieved, and a little hopeful. I also felt complacency creeping up as O job searched.
The sudden death of a distant cousin. I didn't even know how much it affected me but it impacted me so much, him dying at work, loading a truck in a foreign country. It could be me, living so far away from my family always... It made me grateful not to work in hard physical labour, resentful because my father had to, and inspired because it made me leave my job and go back to school.
I was so depressed about being retired! But I have chosen and been chosen for amazing opportunities to do important things, and now I'm doing them and I'm happy!
In the last year, I had my first panic attack (most unpleasant) and found a new relationship. I also started CBT and am trying very hard to come at life and specifically work from a more positive angle. I am mostly grateful but also tired at the prospect of working even harder for the potential benefit of being more productive and happier. I also feel a little trapped in a rut with work and life in general.
My divorce was final after 6+ years and I was finally able to marry my love. The wait was worth it - I married my best friend and my partner. I am grateful for the ways we got to know each other and ways worked through the frustrations together as to why we had to wait to wed. I am relieved and I am grateful. Also, Trump was elected President - immensely significant and harrowing. I am grateful for the vocal and active resistance to this Administrations policies and actions. Because of the actions of so many I remain hopeful for the future of the country that my child will inherit.
New boss, grateful.
Met a girl. Fell in love with her and we've slept together. Lots of times. She was... difficult. I never had the courage to talk to her about that. It ended bad. I feel grateful for those days. Resentful for how it finished.
Working with my non-profit
On August 17th, 2016 Dad passed away. There are responsibilities I never knew I had that immediately were thrust upon me and I feel angry and resentful. I know that he was doing the best that he could but he wasn't aware of the effects of his decisions & actions. Mom is still in shock and is just starting to grieve after a year of running his business. I think about him every day and it pains me to think that I won't hear his voice again...that's the hardest part.
The birth of my grandson and my daughter transforming info being a mother. It made me very happy and I feel grateful for being able to love and cherish this little boy. We get along so well and have so much fun.
I started school again. It has been my career dream to get a doctorate in psychology for as long as I can remember, and I feel so blessed to have gotten into the program I wanted to as well as finish my first year. My family, friends, and partner have been so supportive of me in every aspect. Although I feel nervous about my progress in the program at times, or worried about getting all my work done, or out of balance I have been consistently able to rely on someone in my life to help me find the strength in myself to come back to center and continue on. The feeling of growth in my career and skill set and breaking through ceilings I felt earlier has been the best feeling - a huge sense of relief - that movement can occur. A second significant experience has been meeting my partner and being in a serious relationship. There was a point, not that long ago, where I thought that I would never feel romantic love again or even consider getting married again. Meeting him was revelatory. I have never felt more accepted, loved, and appreciated in my life. I know that sometimes my anxiety makes me worried about being in a relationship again, but everything he does assuages my fears and brings me back to a place of love. I feel so grateful to him for renewing this part of my heart, and I am so looking forward to living my life with him.
I quit my job. I really did it! Even though I was making more money than ever, and generally had low stress, I did it. The mishigas around the restructuring helped me pull the trigger, but I stayed focused on what I was going *toward* rather than what I was leaving behind. I am continually grateful for the opportunity, joyous in my day-to-day life, humbled by how difficult it is to write, and by how awesome inspiration is when it strikes, and terrified that I made the biggest mistake of my life and will end up living under a bridge. What if I never even finish the book? What if I do, and it doesn't sell a single copy? What if I can never get another journalism job because I've been away too long and I'm too old and the industry is too decimated? Then what? But mostly, it's just endless gratitude that I have the time and the money to pursue something I've always dreamed of. I'm trying not to squander it.
My most significant experience in the past year was getting married. I don't know how many brides have said their wedding was the best day of their lives, but I don't say that. In fact, whenever I think back to my wedding day, I immediately try to block it out. Which is silly, because it truly was an amazing day. And I married the greatest man on this planet, which I will forever be grateful for. But I am so hard on myself, and so internally negative... I've realized very recently this is something I need to work on. I think it stems back to my belief that people don't want to hear how perfect your life. I am pretty blessed, and from the outside I would say other people think my life looks close to perfect. It truly isn't far from it. But, I care SO much about not boosting, I always tend to look for something that went wrong or anything negative to talk about instead of what I think sounds like bragging. Cause that's irritating. Up until now, talking about my wedding hasn't been any different. But I need to fix that. I'm making the commitment right here, I WILL be more positive moving forward. It's not like I'm lying! I'm just shifting my focus, and putting my mental wellness first. On that note, here's a list of the reasons why my wedding day was the best. day. ever: *Michael is my husband. There was zero question about cold feet on either side. He's the best thing to ever happen to me *Our bridal parties and families were so, so supportive. Every step of the way, we had people willing to help with ANYTHING *Nothing major went wrong. To a normal guest, they wouldn't have suspected anything went wrong at all *Even with the rain, our ceremony was beautiful. We were still partially outside, but the space made it intimate and romantic. We had someone we love and who loves us as our officiant and we worked together to create a great script. I am still obsessed with the readings done by Michael's aunt and my stepmom *Dinner was incredible. We received SO many compliments. Also, the cake didn't stand a chance of not getting crushed *Our dance floor was packed. The whole night. Some people said they've never seen that many people dancing at a wedding before *My dress was amazing. It fit like a glove and there isn't another one exactly like it in the world. I worked hard leading up to the wedding and my body looked fabulous. My mom was so incredibly sweet to pay for it, too *All of our vendors were on time, did their jobs, and were easy and sweet to work with. Well, all but one :) *We have a tear jerker video and over 1,000 pictures that document the day *We went on a bomb honeymoon that truly WAS perfect in every way Damn. I am lucky.
Surgery, cancer, chemo! Ovarian, stage one. I was empowered and curious and grew a lot in spite of being 66 yo. Iam more grateful, more aware, have better at self-care, have a strengthened belief in the kindness of strangers and the power of spiritual practice, and I am living a qualitatively better life, now, in spite of having lived a very qualitatively great life before. I am grateful for the experience and would not trade it for having had a surgery with a benign tumor. I also would not wish the experience on anyone else. I am inspired to make my story available to others...it is filled with love, kindness, support, miracles, and deep spiritual experiences.
I have experienced workplace competition and sabotage that I didn't know was possible - I though these things only happened in the movies. While it has torn me apart, and made for a stressful year, it has inspired me to really take a look at what I'm doing and take the steps to move on to something different.
I battled breast cancer this year. It rocked my entire world. I had to take time off of work and away from my family for treatment. It made me very grateful for everything I have in my life. I have great insurance, I did no have to pay a dime out of pocket, you don't think about insurance until you really need to use it. I got paid for every minute I missed from work, my co-workers donated time off. I am now inspired to live in the moment, chase my dreams, something could come along and take you off of this earth, I don't want to have retreats.
Being separated from the Navy has given me back my freedom and I hope I make the most of it.
Iniciar una relación en la cual probé mis limites como mujer, como novia y como persona. Logré ser clara en cómo me sentía y pese a las emociones logré mantener la perspectiva de mi vida.
In the past year you have finished your first year teaching at an extremely challenging urban charter school, and begun working at a new school. Working at the school was one of the most difficult experiences that you ever had. You walked away frequently exhausted and disheartened by the fact that you were not set up for success. That being said, it allowed you to enjoy the switch of working at a different school. Since starting, I have been completely amazed by how happy I am. The students are a lot more calm, respectful and eager to learn. A refreshing experience after having such a difficult time.
Not one but two events have colored every day of the past year. One, the election of a man as President of the United States, has proved to be worse than even I expected, and I am daily hoping, praying and working toward the goal of our country standing up to him and his cronies to say, "NO! This is not who we are!" I hope our moral compass is not lost or irreparably damaged. The other event was a long hoped for connection with a person I still haven't met. The power of words drew me to him and the power of words caused him to call... keep calling... texting... writing... Yet after making tentative plans several times, we have not yet had a "four-eyes" meeting. I am unspeakably grateful for his life and his friendship, but I have gone through all the emotions regarding the conflicts in his life that have held us apart. I am hoping that, no matter what transpires between us in future, we will always be friends. He is a man of quality. May 5778 hold beauty and wonder and deep satisfaction for our lives.
This past winter we had an abundance of rain after years of drought. I was so relieved and became very hopeful about having a summer free of wildfires. This was also the first summer in a few years that I had a partner to do things with. I planned numerous outdoor adventures for us over the summer, trying to access the quality of connection I had with the outdoors before the drought became an ongoing reality. I found that all the clinging I brought to the planning became a sort of control and that this got in the way of being nourished by our trips the way I had yearned for. I also found that I was clinging to the past rather than being willing to let go and find out what my relationship is to nature now.
Trump was elected President, and that has been a disaster since day one. He's ripping so many people of their rights...rights in the workplace, rights to be in this country, rights to healthcare, personal rights for who we are all born to be. He jeopardizing our country's welfare on so many counts and threatening other countries in the process. The other significant experience was the cruise I took by myself. It was a lesson in being alone, a lesson in being happy and content with myself during my travels. I had to rally sometimes to participate...participate in my own life. I got myself to London to an exhibit at the Tate. I got myself on the dance floor by myself, only to be joined by someone. I had to confront myself and determine what I wanted to do at every turn: rest, eat, go on an excursion, talk to people, sit alone, etc. I succeeded on all fronts.
- I started a new music project. - A soul dimension of my being, a musical intelligence, is waking up and beginning to consume me, take up more space, call for my loyalty and sponsorship. Ready to gift me..... - Very grateful - Relieved, a little yir'at Adonay, fearsome awe before what is waking up.
Between September and July, I experienced the departure of a troubled and extremely difficult employee. By the time the departure was final, I had moved through so many emotions, stages of grief and spent so much time, that I felt exhausted, used, cynical and resigned. Happening during the same period as the trump election and aftermath increased those feelings and left me with a sense of helplessness. I no longer believe I can change the world or have it all, all those things 'they' tell us so we'll study, consume and work hard. I know there is an immense and nasty system that I am powerless against. It is wrong, unjust, and all my railing against it changes nothing. So instead of going to bed with a bottle of whiskey (as in the weeks after the election) I have sought to understand what I have learned, and put it to good use, right in my small circle of influence. My purpose is clear and I can navigate the troubles of the times, and my own, with helpful skills.
My son moved and is now within 20 miles of where I live. He has previous lived in another part of the country. I'm looking forward to getting to know him better and he me. I really never thought he'd move from his home state so it was a surprise when his sister told me he was moving. He had said nothing. It will be fun to have him here and do things together that we've not been able to do for more than 20 years.
This past year, I went to India for five weeks. I learned a lot about myself on this trip. I felt uncomfortable in a city, which had never happened to me. I was a part of a collective culture, which made me wish for independence. I worked 72 hour weeks, and I learned that I could handle it. I also learned that I did not want to work this way. I learned that I am resilient - traveling alone, but also going to an emergency room alone. In a country I didn't know. I learned that I don't like to be the center of attention, which happened often because of my blonde hair. I learned where and how and when I crave space. I learned patience. I learned about a new level of hospitality. I learned that six degrees of separation is real and that people are generous and kind and want to help. I am grateful for this experience. It opened my eyes. It showed me new ways. It helped me learn limitations.
I broke my elbow this year. It's not that serious of an injury but it broke me out of the routine I had been in, and subsequently caused me to reexamine the ways that I define myself. I've felt a range of emotions. Initially I was really sad and isolated, then I was inspired to look for new aspects of myself to focus on. I'm grateful in many ways but also will be relieved to be back to my full self.
Converted to Judaism and joined the Jewish people! I'm happy to have the process over with and I go into this new year a new Jew!
I finally took my first trip outside of the USA, and it was to the poorest areas of India for 10 days then to some of a richests parts of London and Paris right after. I normally think of the world in terms of the USA but after that trip the world all of a sudden seemed unmanageably big. When I think of "everyone" I really think of people with western views, and need to change that. I felt a bit of shame in the poor areas of india because I knew I would be leaving their environment soon for someting I considered better. I hope they did not think I was just looking at them judging them. I was also inspired by the resilience of people to be happy in so many different environments.
Something significant that has happened in the last year is getting my driver's license. I am now able to have much more freedom than I ever had before. Even though both of my parents work full time, I am now able to join my friends at any time. This is very helpful for multiple reasons, such as the opportunity to do whatever I want at any time, like joining more clubs or shopping for whatever I need. I don't need to rely on my parents anymore.
I had a close friend die. It was a tough experience because this person was also my business partner and it forced me to reflect on the business and to go a different route. She inspired me though and I am grateful to have had her in my life.
I can think of nothing significant, good or bad, happening in 2017. Oh, forgot...did a lot of traveling including a 15 day cruise on the Baltic Sea. Wonderful trip with great memories.
Coming up against the fear that I was too old and unfit to make the hike up the Enchantments. I actually had to do as much work with this critical part of myself as I had to do with my body and mind to improve my lung capacity for the altitude shift, and my leg stength for the long days of hiking and carrying a bag pack and preparing to sleep in a tent for a week. I am SOOOO grateful that my daughter Liza, who was living with us at the time, absolutely became my coach , the voice of OF COURSE YOU CAN DO THIS. She got me running a mile a day- which I now love, strength training, and pulling up my arms and legs so that the experience was not only doable but life affirming. I had forgotten how much I loved camping and backpacking 30 years ago. The depth of solitude, sheer beauty and variety of flora and fauna was magical. Best of all I got to swim 3 times a day in a crystal clear glacial fed lake, yes it was very cold, but oh so inviting after sleeping on the hard ground or hiking all day in the 90 degree heat. I laid on my back and took in the magnificence scenery, snowy peaks, boulder fields. wild flower meadows and the deep sound of silence. I am forever changed i how I view myself, 58 years young with the capacity to continue to grow and learn and stretch into new adventures.
In the past year I have meet the love of my life, Debbie Kaltman. I consider myself to be fortunate to have found an individual that challenges me to be my best at all times. I am grateful that she loves me for who I am today and not anything else. I am so lucky and deserving to get to wake up to her everyday.
A significant experience was an argument I had with my father with regards to my attitude. As a young, well-educated, professional who has experienced success thus far in my career, I was overconfident, if not arrogant, when I started my business, and didn't heed the advice of many people. This January following a contentious phone call with my father in which I was not cooperating, he finally exploded and chewed me out for being arrogant. I deserved it -- the medicine tasted bitter but it was exactly what the patient needed.
Four months ago, I fell in love--truly, madly, deeply. I am 56 years old and I had never felt anything like this before. I am grateful to know this woman and to finally know this feeling.
I had two very significant experiences this year. We had Zion. She is incredible. A true gift that has me worrying every minute of every day and I don't want to admit that but it's tough. I'm not necessarily worried we're going to lose her, though I do constantly check to be sure she's breathing. But I just worry like I worry about all my kids and Kim and other things not as significant. I send out my own little form of a prayer to whomever good energy might be out there to just please keep them safe. It's a mantra. The second thing is getting hired on FOtB as Art Director. It's a huge thing for me. It's a steady job that I'm discovering I'll be good at it. I'm still getting my feet wet, but it's all very natural for me. I have some learning to do about the way certain things are always done. I am not typical in any sense so my first instinct to do something is almost alway different from the "norm". But I learn quickly and I know when to ask questions & when to keep my mouth shut and observe. I haven't had a proper job in about 15 years. One that I had to go to regularly and have a phone and a desk and all that stuff. I like it. I like this one anyway. It's a respected position and the people are very nice. More importantly, it's opened a door to a lot more work down the road. As a scenic artist, I don't get a lot of hours. And most want to just pay me through invoicing. This job has the full benefits and a steady paycheck. Kim won't have to worry about working until she feels like it. The downside is I don't get to see them much now. We'll figure out the balance.
I discovered that my husband of 9 years (been together for 16 years) was having an emotional affair/secret friendship with another woman. He said that it was not physical, but I have no reason to believe him. This was the final straw in a serious of infidelitous behavior. All previous incidents were him dabbling online, responding to ads or placing them, but never with an actual person. This final time he had a relationship with someone that he kept secret from me, and she knew our names, our kids names, etc. It felt so much more violating than anything he had done previously. It was quite possibly the most painful experience of my adult life. It hurt. I became severely depressed and had to go on medication so that I could just get out of bed every day. In the beginning, I was hurt, overwhelmed, angry, resentful, sad, you name it. I read several books, I got into therapy, and a support group. I found help. I began to rethink everything in my life. EVERYTHING. I opened myself up to the idea of new ways of being in relationships. I have questioned the idea of marriage and monogamy. I have looked and am continuing to look deeper into myself. I am still guarded and cautious, but I am so relieved that this happened to me and to us. It opened my eyes. I was in some pretty serious denial about the state of our marriage, and about how I had approached our relationship. I have learned or am learning about boundaries, self respect, self worth, what I want out of life, and what I deserve. I have learned that I cannot trust him, no matter what he says or does. I've learned that I am strong and capable, and that I can do this. I can have the life I want, even if that means he and I are no longer married. I can handle this. It has really propelled me to recover the parts of myself that I lost in this relationship.
I lost a lot of friends because of situation where a promise was broken. People were scared, and sadly decisions were made that have been hard to bear. I feel closer to those around me though, and I feel like it taught me to be grateful for friendship and more sensitive to how I am treating people and myself.
My dad's death seems to be the only thing that really mattered this past year. It influenced my response to everything and colored every day. I feel some relief in losing the worry for him, but I know I would have gladly carried that emotion over losing him. I do have some wonder if I would be as motivated right now if he was still around. I think a part of me is also grateful that I no longer have the safety net that he represented.
The Go Ruck Constellation. Staying up all night. Running around suburbia with a backpack and seven other adults dressed in muted tones. Starting a fire with flint and steel. Getting sprayed in the face with pepper spray. I'm relieved I can still have an adventure and do things I didn't think I could.
Reconnecting with spouse after long stretch of distance. Angry about lost time. Relieved about feeling 'in love' again. Grateful there is time to make up for loss. What a gift true partnership can be.
My husband and I started the process to adopt a child and start our family. This has been many, many years in the making, and we delayed starting it for several reasons. We were both scared to get started, but now that the initial stages have been completed, we're just bored! Until we hear back about a potential match from our agency, it seems there's nothing for us to do but wait. Thankfully, I'm sure the prize will be worth the wait.
My book is being published in 2017. I feel more excited about it than I expected to, more proud, more interested in sharing the achievement and the product.
I started my new job that I LOVE and it pays well. Everyone in our little family has insurance. I think this is the first time my husband has ever had insurance in his life. Dental. Vision. Medical. I can't explain the levels of gratitude for this opportunity. I am so relieved to be out of those situations I was in, professionally and financially. Thank you, God. Now I am inspired more than ever to fight for single-payer and basic income so our health and livelihood is not at the mercy of a corporation.
I got pregnant, and am due any day now. I'm only beginning to comprehend how this affected me, but I'm a mix of excited and terrified as we approach getting to meet this new little person. I'm very thankful that it has been an uncomplicated pregnancy, though that doesn't mean it has been easy. I understand that I'm standing on the cusp of one of the biggest life-changing events there is, and it's an interesting liminal space to behold.
The most significant thing to happen in this past year was the horrifyingly disappointing presidential election. Instead of having the most qualified candidate in recent memory, and a woman as well, be elected, we are all saddled with the giant flaming turd, the Twit in Chief, Trump. I have been wearing black every day, except when I don't leave the house, since November 9. It is my personal protest. I sometimes get a little tired of it, but then I remember why I am doing it. I feel like we are all living in some dystopian work of fiction, and I keep waiting for the horrors that seem inevitable to begin. Will this asshole take us into another war? Will the earth be bombed into insignificance? How can I put on a reasonably hopeful face so as not to discourage my daughter or my students, or make them afraid? And how do I shut out all the voices of people who think this shell of a person is doing anything but endangering us all while enriching himself and the rest of the kakistocracy at our expense? GAH! I'll say I'm resentful. And angry. And frightened. I feel like I'm swimming in a thick soup of unreality most of the time.
I met Michael and we started dating! It was the best thing I ever did for myself. I'm so grateful for everything he does for me and for the relationship we had. It wasn't easy at first, but I followed my heart and fought for it.
I was made a permanent employee at my firm. I am very grateful that I was given this chance to return to full time employment so that I could support my family and learn something new at the same time.
My son's apartment in Florida was destroyed by a fire. I was grateful because it helped us start a new chapter of our lives. Renters' insurance mitigated our monetary losses and it allowed us to get our son the help he needs.
The ending of my marriage 6 years ago. It has had a profound effect on me and life in many ways not least of which is accepting that at time when couples can now reconnect with each other and enjoy all the work they put into creating beautiful children and a life together, I find myself on my own. I am grateful that I made it through all the pain and sorrow to a happier and more grounded place in my life. I don't know that I will ever be relieved. I am relieved that the worst of that experience is over. If I allow myself to go there I can feel resentment towards my ex-husband. I am inspired to create the next phase of my life, my new normal.
I had my knee injury at the beginning of the year, which led to two subsequent knee surgeries, 16 weeks of being on crutches, and 12 weeks of being in a brace. It's seven months later, and I'm still far from a full recovery. It completely shifted my perspective and reminded me to not take physical movement and the abilities of my body for granted. I learned, in a somewhat painful way, who in my community was going to be there to help me and who wasn't. It made me realize how important those connections are and those friends and relationships are that step up to help. It also made me think about those in other situations that wouldn't have been able to have the recovery I've had. Whether because of dire poverty, lack of healthcare, society's view of medical intervention, many people around the world would have just had to limp around for the rest of their lives. I'm very grateful.
This year I successfully graduated from over two years of work on DBT (Dialectal Behavior Therapy). I am proud of the effort and my self-allowance for change. What I learned changed my perspective, introduced me to new approaches, and allowed me to have options beyond self sabotage. Plus I've met some wonderful positive people who have become friends.
I have been very focused on bringing my credit up and getting my house in order (both literally and figuratively). Things that have been such a mess in so many ways for so long are starting to shine. That light at the end of the tunnel is not a train! I don't have the house yet. But I will get there, I know I will...more importantly, I know I CAN. its not just that something will happen but that I by my own actions can make a dent in the situation. So many of the negative issues were completely out of my control. Not my choices not my mistakes. Which made me feel like I was just along for the ride no matter what I did. I feel, maybe for the first time, like I am making progress and not just surviving. I am finally starting to believe that hard work really does pay off. I am 48. I thought this was supposed to happen in your 30s! Lol!
I got divorced. It was crushing and all consuming, a process that lasted several months. It affected my daughters greatly and we are still trying to make sense of what happened. We sold our family home and I bought the 3 of us a different home that was smaller and more affordable. He moved out and continued a relationship with his much younger girlfriend. I am at a point where I am happier all the time for myself that it's almost over, but fear it will take ,ugh longer for my daughters to heal from what he and his girlfriend did to our family.
My grandma's passing (12/8/2016) had an impact on me as she was one of a few significant people in my life. I'm not sure why or what triggers my memories of her. I catch myself reminiscing our shared past, and remembering specific questionable characteristics she embodied. For instance, being Korean during the Japanese occupation period in Korea, she has always been a bit controversial among her peers in that she would be an advocate for the Japanese people. Claiming that one of the best people she met were Japanese - specifically her neighbors in old time Korea. I admire her for that stance, not because it's so counter-cultural, but because she sincerely believed it. So unlike the characteristics of a collective culture, she was one to stand in her convictions. I dunno why, but it's a type of saving grace to me. Something that speaks to my disenchanted heart.
My mom passed away earlier this year. It left me absolutely heath broken. She was my best friend. It felt like my whole world fell apart. She hadn't been sick and she was actually very young, only 43, and now my boyfriend and I are starting to plan a wedding and I don't even know how to do this with out her. I just want my mommy back.
Events happened more than experiences and the events led to experiences. The event that I felt most traumatized by was the overdose death of my nephew. The experience was deciding to go to his funeral and staying with mom for the week. It's very difficult to give support to my brother and sister in law as they habitually push me away anyway. But I was able to provide solice to my mom and I'm glad I took the time to go. I am left with feelings of guilt and resentment. The event that was and will grow into a blessing was the birth of my grand daughter and my experience as a new grand ma. I am grateful and happy to love this new beautiful soul. I can tell she is an old soul in a new body and I think she will grow to be amazing. This will be a joy for both me and her grand dad. And it's fun to share the parenthood experience with my son and daughter in law.
How to choose just one? But I think the selection makes this a more managable, finite task, so: We got our first car just about a month ago. This in and of itself was a significant event, and I am grateful for how smoothly it went. However, I have some thing even more to appreciate about it. Shortly after we got the car the drivers seatbelt buckle broke. Then, the drivers seat got stuck in place. BH, these were both fixed, but in between I still had to use the car! This was possible because the drivers seat belt fit into the passenger's side buckle and because the seat got stuck in place where I could still fit. Accident? Not only don't think it was, I don't FEEL it was. And that is a gift beyond measure. To feel G-d's care, in an everyday way.
This past year I started a new job leading an organization and we moved, and our daughter started at a new school. So much change. I think the significance of the change was at a macro level we seemingly added a design hand into our life by creating a space and import around family. Rather than having our family life fit into our existing world, we selected a home, a job, a school based on the future we wish to see the present we wish to have.
The death of my father was certainly the most impactful thing that happened to me this year. My reaction? Grateful. My sisters and I had the opportunity to not only provide him with everything he needed including love and support, but gave him the perfect goodbye. This was an incredible gift, not just for him, but for us as well. I do not for one moment take for granted how fortunate we all were to share this experience and to be with him as he transitioned and passed over. I will always remember guiding him out by singing Shabbat songs and making havdallah while although it had left his body, his neshama hovered in the room.
As did many others, I drove several hours to be able to witness the total eclipse. I was with a good friend, and we found a lovely, quiet cemetery for the event. While waiting for the eclipse to start, we spent our time replacing flowers that had blown out of vases, and pulling a few weeds here and there. What was surprising to me was the difference between the 99% eclipse and the total eclipse. It was like we had entered a different world for those few minutes. The silence, the dimness, and the 360 degree soft red glow around the horizon were like nothing I had ever experienced. It felt very spiritual, and that feeling has stayed with me since then every time I think about it. I will be forever grateful to have this memory.
Dan and I got married. I was thrilled beyond belief and relieved that we finally got married after 12 years.
I would say cheating on my girlfriend...I feel terrible about it...all three times it's happened. I think I felt relief at first, escape, but then the sadness, regret, and shame all kicked in. It seems like I was so pent up that I had to do something about it. Perhaps it was just sexual tension, but I think it was also something deeper. Some sort of deep, fucked up desire that can never be quenched or resisted no matter how good my life or partner is. Perhaps that's very sad, but maybe that's how life is for everyone, they're just better at dealing with it than me. Either way, I now feel aimless, ambivalent, and a little resentful of my own flawed nature that would add more lies, more pain, more unhappiness to my life.
Es dificil contestar eso, han sido unos dias, semanas, quiza un par de meses de cambio. Leyendo mis respuestas del año pasado puedo ver con más perspectiva que cosas han cambiado. Una de ellas es que mi papá recientemente obtuvo trabajo, aunque no es la gran solucion a las cosas. Mi tia se fue este año, hace unos meses, que nos dejo apretados. Estuve llendo a terapia, y he poco a poco dejado de ser el pilar de mi familia, pero porsupuesto que eso no resuelve los problemas economicos. Hace un par de semanas que comence una relacion con Vero. Aun no se que siento, me confundo, unos dias estoy bien, otros estoy preocupado, estresado. Es muy pronto para saber mas. Ayer hubo un sismo en la ciudad de mexico. Obviamente eso también es una expreiencia que sucedio. En general? ahora mismo, mi experiencia es Vero, estoy feliz de haberla conocido, pero no se aun como me siento... más a futuro. Definitivamente es la persona mas interesante, y complicada que he conocido en mucho tiempo. No digo complicada como algo malo, lo digo porque es mucho mas de lo que aparenta. Lo digo porque su personalidad me intriga, me llama. La forma que ve el mundo, a los demas, su sentido del humor, de la moral. Tiene sentimientos hacia mi. Nos gustamos, nos llamamos, pero llevo demasiado poco tiempo para saber a que nivel o como, si es que pueden avanzar las cosas. Mi vida no es mala, pero mentiria si dijera que estoy 100 satisfecho con lo que tengo. Material, metas, espiritu.
I experienced one perfect day performing in Norwich Catholic Cathedral with the Zemel choir in June. Good company, no grief from home. Really in the moment, sitting on a bus, not a care in the world chatting away to my friend. And performing was life-giving and a joy. I try to hang onto the way it felt but it's slipping away.
This year, I got engaged to the love of my life! I am so excited to begin this new chapter in our life and get married! I am extremely grateful that I have found someone to share my life with!
Much as I want to talk about the 2016 election I'd like to focus as I go into Rosh Hashana on something positive. I got a residency! I'm enjoying it so far, about 3 months (not quite) in, and it was a stressful time applying and interviewing and waiting so I'm really relieved and grateful now. I started 10Q in 2015 when I was going back to school and I feel accomplished that I'm on the track I intended to be on professionally.
After an intense spring of travel for filming, I collapsed with two neck hernias and severe burnout. I was stuck on the couch for almost two months. In the fall I discovered I lost all my passion for working hard. Nothing seems to matter any more. Being around specific people is the only thing that brings me pleasure, but my endurance for social interaction is limited. In general, I'm exhausted and cynical about everything. I'm very bored. I'm not sure what to make of this complete about face in my personality and professional identity. I'm trying to ride it out and not force myself to do things that are meaningless or abhorrent to me. Who knows how this will turn out?
I was able to make significant progress on a long-term project involving landscaping my backyard. I had been stuck in the problem-solving of how to complete it and serendipitously got some information from a neighbor on how to get free materials delivered. I became willing to hire a couple of workers when I finally realized I would not be able to do the work myself. I'm extremely grateful. I feel much more peaceful. I'll feel confident that it will be completed before the end of this year l, whereas before, I felt demoralized by the weight of the unfinished project without a strategy on how to actually finish it. I'm looking forward to enjoying this freed-up energy to direct to other tasks waiting to be completed around my home and in my life in general. I'm very grateful for the progress and imminent completion of this project, and also for the lesson in reaching out for help to problem-solve when I'm stuck.
I discovered my hip implant was poisoning me. It had destroyed much of the soft and hard tissue around it - much, as I later learned, is permanent damage. On Jan 17th I had revision surgery. I've been recovering ever since. Three hip dislocations, several complications and at the end of the day they have to do another surgery that will leave me even less mobile. I lost my manager job during the early recovery, still upset about that, and have not been able to practice yoga - tricky since I'm a yoga teacher - for almost a year now. It's been hard. I heard from my lawyer today - I have to make a major decision about the lawsuit against the manufacturer - who has recently decided not to honour a previous settlement for this sort of thing. All in all, I'm resentful and still looking for the good that will come from this.
Fairly consistently practicing mindfulness - this has significantly decreased my anxiety and overall stress about life. I am very grateful for finding balance and taking control of my response to life events Meeting T- extremely grateful as it has given me great joy and happiness that I didn't think I would feel again.
My youngest son won a state championship race after focusing his efforts on achieving this goal, motivating his relay teammates, and working his hardest day in and day out. I am grateful that this experience occurred because it is the first time in 18 years that his level of effort, talent, motivation, leadership and sheer tenacity paid off with the accomplishment of his goal. I believe that it changed his outlook on life, his belief in himself and hard work, in his understanding of politics, and the benefit and extraordinary potential of teamwork. His behavior and work ethic have matured. I am grateful for the empowerment he feels. I am relieved that he is starting to understand his potential.
I told my father the ways that he has hurt me and my family and I cut off contact with him. I feel relieved but I know that there is deep sadness and guilt below the surface. This is especially obvious since I have tumultuous dreams about my father on a regular basis.
I went to China. I got to know new friends from home and abroad. My favorite part was cycling atop the Fortifications of Xi’an, but the part that sticks with me is walking to the convenience store every day. After Oliver dropped me off and before class began I had a bit less than a half hour to myself. I needed to stock up on water bottles and try out the ice cream. Everyone knew I was American, and they liked that. I was not put on a pedestal, but I was respected and regarded. It felt nice. Everyone was forgiving of my lingual stumbling and appreciated what language I had. Later at the marketplace a girl who looked to be a little older than me handed me some tissues without a word on account of all of my sweat. It was not so much that it was scalding hot, it was more that it was constantly hot. Speaking of embarrassing bodily mishaps, it took me two weeks to realize that my host family’s toilet cannot handle toilet paper, and that I was supposed to discard of toilet paper in the trash can. It was so embarrassing when it clogged. My trip gave me confidence. It proved that I was capable of experience and showed me that I had inherent potential to experience, and that is worth so very much. I take my capacity to experience for granted, and my gratitude for both it and the trip cannot be understated. I miss my Chinese family. My motherly host mother, fatherly host father, and my brotherly host brother, Oliver. What hurts more is the thought that they might miss me. But we were all better from the experience.
In 2017 I lost 2 very special close friends- Irwin and Shapour. Each loss affected me deeper and harder thank I had anticipated. I've been working on acceptance of death as part of life for a long long time, and I've come a long way. However, I've noticed that I need more work Change is hard for me, and death is the ultimate change. It's made me realize how I need to detach more and more, and how I need to appreciate the present moment more and more because there's no knowing how long things last.
The most significant thing that has happened to me has been a long time coming (since the last 10Q) yet still feels scary and unfamiliar, which is purchasing a home on my own and moving out of the home I've shared with my husband for 16 years. Even more significant will be the actual separation and then divorce, but this physical, geographical separation (cleaving . . .), setting up in a new place, getting over homesickness and trying to bond with my new home, feels like one of the biggest hurdles I've ever had to get over. I bought a "hard" house for some reason (I'm still trying to figure out myself on this one), so it isn't even just trying to get used to a new space. It is being in over my head with the challenges of a 112 year old house when I have very few "handy" skills, dealing with mice and squirrels, and plumbing issues, and no insulation, and windows that don't open, and rotting floor boards, and the other things you find out when you move into a neighborhood (barking dog--I mean constant, incessant, crazymaking barking dog; cat who poops in my garden; smells of garbage). I have moments when I look at my space and I see myself, freedom, hope, comfort. I have moments when I look at my space and feel desperately lonely, lost, and even despairing. It is a love/hate relationship, much like the one I have with myself right now. My house is me--broken, oversized, aging, charming, full of potential for neglect or for beauty.
I turned 50! Wow! I had a wonderful party with my friends, people came to dance, drink and have a good time, which is exactly what I wanted. And I have slowly lived into this moment of being 50 - being clearer about who I am, and who I am not and letting go of what I am not. Probably not going to win a Pulitzer, be a world-traveling journalist, weight 40 pounds less - so I can let go of all that, whew! that's a load off my shoulders. I am also living into the experience of not being as concerned with what other people think. It is so refreshing and liberating to not second guess every single decision. All that on top of the terrible year our country has had makes me feel renewed enough and energized enough to keep up the fight for freedom, equality, and justice!
Last year, my answer to this question was about starting to write a novel. At the time, it was a very exciting thing for me. After hitting a major conflict in the direction I was taking the novel, I ended up taking a break from writing for almost 11 months. I am back to writing again now, and am at about 30k words so far. But when I read the question this year, instead of immediately thinking of my own life, the only thing I could think was that Donald Trump was elected president. As I did not vote for him, this was an extremely disruptive event in the past year. But much more than the election itself, the massive shift to an ever more divided nation has been the most impactful on our lives, and not in a good way. I have disengaged in so much this past year, out of anger, disbelief, and frustration. I barely touch social media anymore because people are being so ugly. I cannot believe the reality that we have reached at this point in our development. It is incredibly sad to see so much hatred. It is because of this scenario, and the wider view of all the horrid things taking place across the globe, that I have a very somber outlook this year. Never in my 44 years have I felt such a lack of hope for the future. I know that everything that goes wrong can be fixed later, and I have some faith that “everything always works out”, but I see an awful lot of pain and suffering before we reach that eventuality. This will definitely be an overarching theme in my responses this year.
My old employer, the telecoms company, went bust and so I needed to look for a new job. It was a real bargain-basement operation, with very low pay and no benefits. I was looking half-heartedly for a while, and so it gave me the impetus to put a lot more effort into getting away from the place. I'd say that I'm relieved. It sucked, and I'm glad I left.
I met my new granddaughter. I am very grateful and happy. She brings us so much joy. She has given me a new focus in life.
Jonah had cancer. A rumor. At 2.5 years old. I will never be the same. My relationship with him, with Foster, wit Ethan... With our families, and tgenmedical community, and religion and god. All changed. Now he is cancer free and we are moving forward, but we are forever changed. I am older now. A little less idealistic. Pragmatic I guess you could say. My baby had cancer. And he really was a baby. That's just not something that should happen. And yet I'm acutely aware that as far as pediatric cancer goes, we are the lucky ones.
I got married in the last year and I feel grateful and blessed and also relieved the stress and pressure regarding finances is nearly over! We took a lot on but i wouldn't change it for the world! My now husband along with my mum and mother in law have encouraged and inspired me to change jobs and also take on a course to help me progress and grow further. For that I am so pleased.
Late Feb 2017, I found out I had an ovarian tumor. At the time, I was told it was small. I was leaving in a week to help take care of my nana who lives across the country. Doctors said it was safe to leave and recheck the tumor in a few months. While away, I started feeling sick. After 2 months, I got checked again. The tumor had grown. It was now 4-5 inches. I started to feel anxious like I just wanted to deal with it. I was advised to hurry home. I saw a local OBGYN. I was told that it was pretty urgent to have my ovary and the tumor removed. They said my insurance would get back to me/them in one week. One week came and went. I called the doctor and unsurance; it turned out the staff did not send my claim through to insurance. I was concerned. When I asked the staff at the doctor why, they said that "elective hysterectomies (for trans men) are not urgent." I was shocked, angered, and upset. I explained that I had a tumor and asked if they read my file. I wish I could say this was the only time it happened, but several staff made this same mistake and it pushed back surgery one month. Now, I am two month post op and SO happy its over. I am so graetful for my partner, relieved the tumor was not cancerous, and am ready to be fully healed. I am patiently waiting.
I became a mother! It's changed everything and I am so grateful for every sweet funny crazy moment with our Lula. She has also connected us to a larger community of wonderful people. Feeling it takes a village more and more and it feels great!
Just a year ago, I moved back to the place where I met my wife - this time bringing her and our son along with. Eight years ago the seed of our love was planted here, but we only stayed for a short time. Seven years since, we've been bouncing all over the world, finding ourselves in a different city, different digs, every year. But all of a sudden, we're no longer nomadic explorers following the whims of our individual dreams. We've become one, and are raising a family now. That initial seed that was planted eight years ago sprouted and has shot and climbed, swirling & twirling, echando raíces - wow that was fun for the two of us, but now our love has blossomed, and a new chapter is underway. This love has now been planted deep into the soil, and for the first time we must stand firm in order for our love to grow. Much like that family pillar tree that I met in the jungles on the Yunnan - Burmese/Myanmar border near Xishuangbanna...Our family must now root down for stability and climb as high as we can in the spot where we find ourselves, for it is the only way we will grow to be as majestic as those towering trees...
Got the job
Grateful, relieved, and inspired. After three carpenter-contractors and one architect flaked on (firstly) drawing up plans for and (secondly) building a deck to replace my old one (that was falling apart) I finally found someone to help draw the plans--and after five iterations the city accepted them and gave me the build permit (for a whopping $650!); I got back in touch with two old high school buddies, whom I hadn't seen for years, and it turns out they're both professional carpenters, who have agreed (after a years of begging--lol) to come up from Central California (Gilroy / Santa Cruz area) and build my deck to specs; I also got in touch with an old work connection to get lumber at cost!!! Additionally, I've recently taken up DIY / youtube carpentry as a new (but meaningful and useful) hobby---and I AM SO INSPIRED. I have lost my fear of cosmetic remodeling in my home--and I am gaining so much confidence, I'm considering joining the local carpenters' union. Also - I've been writing songs on my guitar a lot. :-) Music has become the most important thing. Had a huge yard sale. Got rid of 20 years worth of old stuff. Again, grateful, inspired. Saw the eclipse, and made some incredible new friends in Scio, Oregon. Love!
I got a new job working for the metro. I love it. I worked for DPW for years. For 15 years. Never got any appreciation or promotion did not realize how unhappy I was until after I left and people see me now and they're like wow you look so much better you smile. I miss the people from DPW but I still see them once in a while everyone wants to leave. Thankful for the experience though because it's make me more resourceful and sometimes even more commanding
In the past year our country elected the wrong president. Now a horrible person is in charge of the White House, the country, the environment, and our safety. I'm so concerned and horrified. I've also realized that I have been a part of the problem with racism in our country. I have sat at a place of comfort and benefit, rather than acknowledging this wrong and righting it. I commit to doing something, anything, to making the world a better place. Every. Damn. Day.
Well just today this came to a close: I was pregnant, but I miscarried. Well, I haven't miscarried yet? I haven't bled yet. But there is no embryo in my uterus! It's been a rollercoaster of emotions. From surprise/worry at conception, to excitement/imagining the future as we accepted pregnancy, to surprise/relief/sadness/everything when we learned the pregnancy was not successful. I want to share this with people because miscarriage happens 30% of the time! That's huge! It's not at all uncommon. I've heard lots of people speak openly about having trouble conceiving, but I've never heard folks speak openly about miscarriage. I have miscarried! It's a thing!
The birth of my friend's baby Jude. I was in awe of her, her power, her husband, his commitment and presence, and how loving and supportive humans are. I was surprised at how quickly I loved the baby. I felt like I knew what I wanted: a family, a partner (or partners) that supported me in that way. I knew that I want to know my power. I imagined J being there with me and it being our baby. I imagined how great the support from R would be too. I felt a little sad a scared that it might not be possible with being poly but then I also felt like it might be even more possible. Either way I was amazed and inspired and more sure than ever that I want to be a mother.
I'm guessing a lot of people will lament the election of the orange one. It's been hard. Hard for my heart. Hard for my soul. When I was younger I used to say that the US was on its last breath as a world power. That we would fall just like the Romans in influence and respect. I didn't think I'd actually live to see it happen. It's distressing and scary. And very sad.
My mother fell while on vacation and broke her hip. She had to have surgery in Norway. This upended her life and made her more dependent than she ever has been as an adult. This upended my life when I dropped everything and went to Norway to be with her and went into care taker mode in every moment of my spare time after we got back. This challenged my sense of self and responsibility, and finding a balance between my needs and being supportive to her is difficult. It has brought up a lot of fear of becoming old, losing my independence, and having my life reduced to something confining and small. And more than that, the realization of just how much I love her and do not want to lose her.
Empty nest for the full year, for the first time. Hurrah! My husband and I are delighted to be alone in our home. Our two sons are both living in Los Angeles now, further away than we would like, but both living independently!! It was just about this time last year that our older son, our "failure to launch", moved out there to be near his brother. There have been a number of mini-crises, but he now has a full time job, and a shared apartment, and is starting to be financially self-sufficient. We are proud of him, and relieved. And, we have been enjoying just being a couple together, again, after all these years.
Something significant that happened to me this year was moving to Chicago's loop from Andersonville. It's changed a lot of how I live my life. I ride the train, changed my schedule. I don't drive. I'm exercising more. It's been good. I don't like the neighborhood, but I like what it makes accessible. I think it'll be a good thing for me and dan for this next year. I don't like that it takes me so long to walk to the train.
I went to uni. I was frightened at first, but the university, the city, and the people have made me grow in so many ways as a person. When I came to Edinburgh I was scared and awkward and my brain was sluggish. I was basically still recovering from my rough High School years. Now I can hardly recognize myself from a year ago. Yes, I am still pretty awkward in many situations but I have achieved so much. I am doing excellently academically. I have a good relationship with some of the lecturers. I am working on things that I find interesting and I have never been more pro-active in my life. My friends are great and I have regained joy in my old hobbies. So many of the people that I work with day to day are incredibly brilliant and I feel intimidated by them when I talk to them, but I just try to learn as much as I can from them. I hope I can grow as much this year as I did last. If I keep this up one day I might be unstoppable.
The most notable experiences that happen thus far in 2017 was that my mother passed away at 56 years old from alcoholism on Feb 10, 2017. After many years of anticipating this outcome it was still gut wrenching to live through. Ultimately, my sister and I flew out to watch my mother fade away into the unknown of the other side. As painful as it was to watch someone die (in a very inhumane, long drawn out and painful way) it was undoubtedly cathartic. We were finally released from demons that haunted my mother through her alcoholism as well as the power she had over us to make us feel somehow responsible for it, unworthy and unloved. Alcoholics are great at blaming everyone else for their actions and this alone had caused a cascade of emotional pain and depression throughout my own life. On a positive note, my sister and I were also set free of her pitting us against each other which had previously caused deep, painful rifts in our relationship throughout the years. It forced us to deal with an insurmountable amount of pain together. (Operative word was: together). When you live through an experience like this it simply alters you. She was the only person that truly understood what it felt like and by default it made us see eye to eye on something. Living through this death helped my sister and I heal and moved us forward on the path of building a better relationship with one another. It's been 7 months since this all happened and I am truly thankful my sister and I are closer than we've been since childhood. That alone was worth experiencing the pain of losing our mother together.
My rabbi recommended a parenting book called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. I bought it, read it, and it has been a life changer. My teenage daughter has been struggling for a long time with anger and sadness, and this book has helped me understand how to talk to her so she feels that her feelings are respected and that I'm not trying to "fix" her. I feel grateful that lines of communications have been opened a little between me and my precious beloved daughter. I'm hoping it will keep getting better.
This past year I joined my high school’s wrestling team. I had never done the sport before, or any organized sports team for that matter, so it was a pretty significant experience. I am so glad I joined. Not only did I learn something new, it made me gain confidence in my abilities.
I auditioned for America's Got Talent. It gave me a sense of satisfaction because I know I followed my destiny! I'm very grateful. In one sense, I'm relieved it's over because it took a lot of time. On the other hand, I regret deeply that I did not progress at least one higher level. I am inspired because it is leading me to further opportunities to express myself in speeches.
This year has been crap. One of the worst years in a long time. So many issues with family, I could share many things. But, one of the most significant involves my oldest daughter and her husband. They were married two years ago and live in Seattle. We have only seen them once since then, when they visited us for a week. This past spring, we suddenly were hit with a negative credit rating and collection calls for several student loans that our daughter had taken out years ago. We've bailed her out of financial problems in the past, but this was something new. In trying to find out what was going on, her husband stepped in (all via instant messages) and said that he was handling all of their finances from now on. I tried dialoguing with him several times to assess the situation, but with each progressive communication, he became more closed and refused to share what was happening. Meanwhile, we paid the past due accounts and said that we couldn't do any more at this time due to our own financial issues. I had thought that would be it, but again we began to get collections calls. When I next broached the topic with my son-in-law he said that they would not be paying any of the loans my wife had co-signed on. So, in order to protect our credit rating, we suddenly had to come up with an extra $300 a month. There was no thank you from either of them, nor apology for letting things go and making our credit rating drop. On top of this, they both blocked us from their social media accounts, and we still are even now. So, my wife and I both feel that things will never be the same and that they have basically decided to write us out of their lives. Since this all happened, we have only heard from our daughter a few times and it has been mostly defensive. My wife finally contacted our daughter and said that she wanted to move beyond all of this, but their relationship has now devolved into talking about things like the news and the weather. After both of my parents had major issues with their parents, this just seems like more of them same. And we honestly have no idea why this has happened.
Our granddaughter Lucy was born on April 17. She was healthy and beautiful. It is amazing to have another generation to follow us in our lives here on earth. and seeing my son and Megan respond to this new phase of life is also a gift. I am so grateful to have this experience and it brings such joy to both Bill and me.
I have begun my internship and passed the NCC board. I am grateful that the exam is over, inspired to be seeing clients on my own.
Switching jobs after a lot of hesitation. It has been mostly a negative experience but I am grateful that I took the leap. I have learned a lot about myself and happy that I have drawn more conclusions in life. Switching employers gave me the schedule that has allowed me to do much more outside of work and inspire me to different levels. I hope to continue this and work towards my happiness in life throughout this new year.
There seemed to be a lot of painful endings in the past year. The most painful of all was getting laid off from the job that I loved. The situation leading up to it was awful. I saw something unjust happen and I spoke up about it. Being a thorn in their side, I was a problem that needed to be gotten rid of and that was what they did. Sometimes I think that I really should have taken them to court over it. But even through all of that heartache, the self worth issues, the crippling depression, and the rawness that I still feel every time I see something from my former agency....I am in a better place now. I earn $8 more an hour, my stress level has drastically decreased, things seem to be getting better. I haven't fully healed, and I am not sure that I ever will. While I don't understand if there is fate or destiny, part of me knows that this needed to happen. If I hadn't been forced to leave, I think that the job would have killed me. So I survived...and I am starting to thrive, hopefully that will continue, but at least I know, I am pretty damn resilient.
Obtaining a position with my current organization was a significant experience this past year. I have been with the organization for only four months now, but it has a large impact on me. I work in a great community of Toronto, one that I did not even know existed before this. From working in this community I have learned a lot about working with children, and about myself. I want to grow with this organization, but today I found out that I did not get the Coordinator position that I applied for. I am not resentful to the hiring team for their decision, though I do plan on meeting with them to discuss what I can do to further my experiences to become successful in the future.
Ever since I was a child, writing has been my way to express myself. I have been blogging regularly since 2009, and was writing regularly before then. In the past several years, I was steadily writing one blog post per week. It didn't take any special effort; I just thought about it each week and every week I felt inspired by something new. Then, when the 2016 election happened, something broke inside, and I haven't written a thing since. It makes me feel sad. I wonder when I will feel inspired again, and when I will write again.
My brother-in-law got married in Texas. I'll admit I was annoyed at being forced to go out to the middle of nowhere for the event, but of course I'd do it. Just as I'd help out and be there for the family. That's what family is for. And this event was the perfect reminder of who I am and who I want to be. By being somewhere where we had to be creative and put forth the effort, it brought to the forefront the resourcefulness and helpful instincts I want to represent me. I reveled in spending time with family, enjoyed the slow pace that wouldn't allow anything but mellowness, and appreciated the break from the hubbub of life at home.
I learned that I am a grandmother and I'm very grateful. Unfortunately, I still have not met him. I have to wait for him and my son to agree to go to the next step and connect with each other before I can establish a relationship. I sold my house of 22 years and moved to a condo. I'm really glad about this. I feel quite relieved to have the transition behind me and to not have the risks of owning and caring for a house and yard hanging over my head.
My daughter and family have been sharing a house with us for the past several years. Their space needs changed sooner than they had expected and, rather than talking with us as they tried to solve this, the first we learned of it was when they announced they were moving out and getting a different house two years ahead of schedule. I felt blindsided by their actions and felt forced into making decisions about housing before other pieces were in place. I felt frustrated, cranky, and just plain not ready. As I turned to God for help, these ideas helped me: God loves and cares for all of us and his provision for one person/family is never at the expense of another. If it was right for them to move, then not only would we not be hurt by this, but God would be adjusting our situation so all of us would be blessed. God's plans are sometimes different from ours, but they are always the best way forward, so it behooved me to listen and follow where God was leading me. We considered selling the house, but asked another family member if they were interested in sharing the house. To our surprise, they were interested and have since moved in. Our daughter is nearby and the changes have been very harmonious. Our housing situation blesses us and our other family members. While the situation was initially stressful, working through it has strengthened my relationship with God.
I moved from my city were I was born. It was wonderful, I would never imagine that!
My mother died after 20 years with Alzheimer's. I was saddened but relieved, knowing it was such an unfair thing to have happened to her.
After experiencing growing and deepening feelings for a friend over many months, I decided to take the plunge and explore the possibility of a polyamorous relationship with him - I have been monogamous all my life, most recently for over 5 years with my now-husband. My husband was extremely supportive, the now-boyfriend was interested, and other important people in my life have encouraged my pursuit of happiness as well. I am so grateful to have such an incredible support network, and so much love in my life. I'm relieved that I was able to change this aspect of my relationship with my husband in a way that, if anything, brought us closer together. I am however occasionally nervous about the prospect of sharing my relationship more broadly, e.g., with family members.
I learnt so many hidden things from the shulchon oruch though I just found out about it. It showed me more about rosh hashanah feast. I am very grateful as well as relieved and very much inspired
i was deceived by a realtor that the renovation budget necessary to bring a house up to standard was only $20-30K. I bought the house and find myself needing to borrow $120K in order to do all that is needed for this house to be functional. i'm grateful that all circumstances led me to be on this journey of resilience, community, guts, faith, creativity, and collaboration. i'm finding out what kind of person I am and what i can create with very little resources. i'm left with a wonder of what I can accomplish with experience, determination, and bigger budgets.
I went on March of the Living in April which is where groups of jewish high school seniors from around the world come together to Aushwitz concentration camp to commemorate all of the victims of the holocaust and learn about the travesties that occurred. During my time in Poland I felt sick to my stomach every day as I heard stories of the suffering that the holocaust caused. I was (and still am) confused as to how something as severe as genocide can exist in this world. I shed enough tears to last a lifetime and experienced the greatest sorrow of my life thus far. But I also gained a deeper sense of pride and appreciation for my heritage while forming bonds with people I will always remember.
We were told that grandma's pacemaker won't last more than a year and we're not going to do anything to change it. Visits to the hospital would make her dementia and mobility worse than they already are. I feel relieved because I wouldn't want to live her life and I don't think she enjoys it either. I feel selfish for being relieved but really it's because I wonder what other people think. And then I realize it doesn't matter at all what they think. We are doing the right thing for her.
I quit working for an alcoholic pathological narcissist. Much, much, much happier doing what I do now for work. And the walking out on him during a drunk hissy fit felt great.
Mom and I went to the Salem Animal Shelter to look at dogs and to figure out the the of dog we were interested in. Walking by all the cages, there was so many adorable animals. Then we came across the cutest black puppy and I just knew he was the one. He was so friendly and energetic. Mom ended up filling out the paper work, she couldn't not get him, she knew he was the one too. I was very relieved because I have been wanting a puppy for an extremely long time. It made me really excited and happy to have an amazing new puppy.
An individual was "elected" and now living in the White House "acting" as President of the U.S. This affected me in a very negative way. It became very stressful, that it affected my physical health and spiritual well-being. I am very resentful, especially in light of the fact that he did not win the popular vote and this is not how elections work in other countries. I have reduced my news watching to weekdays only. But I am participating in marches, rallies, signing petitions, calling my Senators, congressman and representatives, and writing political poetry.
Nothing really springs to mind, but something did happen yesterday that took me by surprise. I had a call with one of my long-term freelance clients, for whom I'm building a new website to promote their holiday cottage. This work was commissioned in May, but I'm only just getting round to finishing it in September. I've had a busy summer and my free time is quite limited living with Fran because I want to spend quality time with her. I had very few free weekends and I don't always have the time or energy in the evenings after work. I was expecting this call to be an opportunity to demonstrate the progress I've made and get the site ready to go live. I was quite shocked when my client, Chris Goodall, said he wanted to abandon the project. He's not happy with the site. He couldn't get the booking system to work. It seemed incomplete. I tried to make my case that we weren't that far off being finished, but his mind seemed made up. He's still going to pay me, but it seems such a waste to quit now. This seemed out of character. I wonder what else might be going on in his life to have provoked this. Or is he really just disappointed in me? Have I let him down? I do feel guilty for taking so long and the WordPress theme I chose is a bit botched together with a slightly crappy user interface and documentation, but I was starting to feel happy with what I'd done. I may try to give it another go by email in the next few days when I send him the invoice. I'd like the opportunity to do a face-to-face demo. Some of his feedback seemed irrational, like the fact that the menus were in the wrong order - such an easy thing to fix! It knocked my confidence a bit. Talking it through with Fran helped me vent. But I've managed to recover my pep today with a good day working from home on my real job.
A lotta stuff went by but the best one would be Disney world.it was so awesome to go to.magic kingdom was great but Epcot was fun as well as animal kingdom.but the best one was Disneys Hollywood studios.with its Star Wars rides and cool shows and how awesome it looks it's the best park.but all of my vacations were awesome,but this was the best
I've grown a lot in my career, but not as much as a person. I'm grateful and thankful and inspired to do what I do - I want to keep doing it and growth feels possible. I feel like I need to do more work to connect with the people in my life - to give more of my time to charity - to do work on my hobbies. I feel like my head is finally above water, I guess? I still worry constantly about losing my job. I am still fragile. I don't know if I could survive it even though I've survived it before. I just want to do better. I just want to stop fucking up and start growing. I'm going to move soon - I hope it becomes a turning point in my life, somehow, though these things rarely are. I hope to feel brighter and better and bigger. I hope to stop hiding.
Became more active in a professional group I affiliated with. It inspired me to begin to fully develop my business purpose in several ways. Really starting to ramp up.
So many to choose from. Mark left for college, after having had both his motorcycle and car stolen. Felix had his hysterectomy. Dorothe came home for a month, and we got to experience the eclipse. Ma and Pa bought an apartment at the retirement place. I wrecked my own car. Danny came out as trans also. I took 3 classes from Etienne in CST. I feel like these are all really significant. Each of them has been overwhelming in a different way. All of them have positive aspects, but all of them also have been challenging. I kind of feel weirdly floaty and sometimes like reality is just dissolving. Is there just one that stands out? no, I can't pull out one as more important or significant than any other.
I moved here 8 years ago and after taking time to recover from the move, acclimate, and help care for my aging mother-in-law, I got serious about finding my niche in this big city. I needed a place to volunteer where I felt my contribution made a difference, even if only in a small way. I am grateful, inspired and feel very blessed that two wonderful opportunities came my way and I was able to see them and jump in.
Last June I won a fifth avenue theater award for lighting design, which is basically like the tonys but for high schools in Washington. It was one of the most amazing and rewarding experiences of my life because it validated my aspirations to become a lighting designer. I am so grateful that events have lined up in just the right way for this to have happened; I could never have done it without the help of so many people, and a bit of luck. It has propelled me to work even harder now to become even better.
This past year, my first born son was 1 month old at this time. I was a new mom, a new wife in a new home. All of these new life changes affected me significantly. I was feeling lots of different emotions. I loved my new baby and was soaking up every minute of our time together. I had time off and trusted my students to run our organization smoothly in my absence. That felt good to disconnect from that responsibility but had all these new types of stress; lack of sleep, breast feeding demands, trouble getting help and attention from my partner. Over time, we got into a rhythm. We developed a schedule, went on dates, documented our sons experiences and leaned on family for help. Today we are joyful and getting ready to find out the gender of our next baby!
Mary graduated and is in college now. It affected me by losing my financial benefits and she's not around to help around house. So I am more stressed. She however is thriving! She has a good job. Didn't seem to get homesick. Very happy at school and on her own. I am very proud of her!
I just cannot believe the unjust treatment I have received from the Education Department this year. I have had a 30 year career, and been respected by colleagues and families throughout the early childhood sector. I have had to endure bullying and brickwalling by the management strata. People who understand neither children nor teaching. As a result I have been all but blacklisted as a "loose cannon" (read : someone who speaks up for and acts on their beliefs) and now have little choice but to resign. This has on one hand led to deep dark depression, even suicidal thoughts. On the other hand, enforced time off work (stress leave) has given me space to rediscover my art and re-evaluate my life perspective.
One year ago on September 03,2016 I married my husband. It affected me by the way he has shown such a great deal of devotion to our family now... As he never did till than, at least not in the same way.. I'm extremely proud and greatful for the man he is today. I'm truly inspired as well as appreciative to all who shared and helping make me a better me through this journey into marriage with love a devotion. I have also begun to take care of me more and grow in the sense of I'm worth it. Bettering myself so I can help others and my family as I move forward in to the next phase of my life. I'm hopeful that I can stay on this path of optimism..
My Grandson was born, my first. It was awesome!!!
The election It's destroying the country and our democracy and making life much harder already for our most vulnerable. It's dampened my enthusiasm for my (govt) job. My mental health and sense of hope have taken real hits. Disastrous across the board.
Having my heart broken by my ex and subsequently turning that pain around via therapy, yoga, and focusing on my own validation eventually led me to the most epically successful online dating run in history and introduced me to my current boyfriend. (Not that being in a relationship is always the "happy ending") I'm forever impressed with my own ability to overcome sadness, grief, fear, and turn it into growth. I wouldn't be the person I am today without that experience, as painful as it was. Being ok today with myself is more than I would have dared to ask for, but here I am holding that! My own resiliency inspires me and shows me that I can handle whatever life throws my way.
we found out, when searching for mold in our house, that we had tons of termites. i was horrified, distressed and sickened.
I gave birth to my first child this year in March, a boy. No other event in my life has caused such a mixture of strong emotions - anticipation, excitement, worry, elation, joy, grief, guilt, despair, hopelessness, wonder, the list goes on... Soon after we came from hospital I said to my partner (his dad) it felt like we'd come home from hospital and entered some strange parallel universe. Everything is the same yet completely different. I adored and was obsessed with him from the moment he was born yet I'm amazed how that love has since matured and developed and no doubt will continue to do so. I could go on and on about this. It's been a roller coaster. It has challenged me so much - when he's crying and won't go to sleep and nothing I do seems to work, it's hard not to feel like a failure. Especially for a sleep-deprived perfectionist. But when he smiles or does something new it's the most amazing thing in the world. I've missed parts of my pre-baby life just terribly - freedom, 'me time', work, adult conversation, time with my partner, fitness/sport/exercise... while others have faded into oblivion and I realise how little they mattered (eg watching junky TV shows). And it's affected my relationships too - both strengthened and tested them to equal degrees. People I thought would be great supports didn't quite live up to expectation; whereas most others have stepped up to it in ways I wouldn't have imagined (his dad, my best friend, my mum, my stepmother...).
In April I attended a service immersion trip to the Dominican Republic. The typical international service experience leaves travelers with a sense of worldliness and a new appreciation of the wealth they possess and the comfortable lives they lead. I did not have the typical service trip; I returned home and immediately yearned to return home. Although I am grateful for all of the privileges I enjoy in the United States, an envy for the simple contentment of the community I encountered in the Dominican Republic dwells within me. The words to describe this truly unique experience are elusive, so many people condemn my sentiments as illogical and ungrateful. These condemnations augment my envious sensations as I grow to realize that the developed word is a skeptical and unforgiving place. Many people deem any scarcity of material goods as poverty, but from this perceived poverty grows an emotional and spiritual opulence unknown to these people. My new ability to recognize the importance of this intangible wealth is an invaluable result of my service experience, and I am grateful for this experience. It also fostered new friendships while strengthening old ones; friendships are a vital part of building the wealth of people in poverty. Relationships are undervalued in societies drowning in “things,” so I cherish all opportunities I get to develop my relationships with others. The people I met in the Dominican Republic unknowingly exposed to me that my previous lifestyle and mindset prevented me from reaching my full potential as a human being; for this, I am infinitely thankful.
Breaking up with my ex boyfriend and learning that I am happier without him. This was such a significant experience because our relationship was constantly up and down and emotionally I couldn't handle it anymore. It inspired me to be my own person and do what I love without having to worry about what someone else thinks of my decisions.
I found anxiety medication that works. I am no longer suicidal. I am finally moving forward with my life. This isn't to say there aren't bad day, there are, but things are so, so much better. The medication balance is finally right. Now I plan to focus on therapy. And I have finally found a therapist that I think I can work with. This has changed everything. I no longer want to die. I can see a future again. I believe that I can change and grow and that my best years are not only behind me but ahead of me too. I am both immensely greatful and relived. I could not have gone on as I was, not and have had anything approaching a life worth living. During that stretch of time I got to learn the difference between living and alive. It is not a place I want to return to. And I am so greatful to modern medicine for the drugs, stacy for the support and for myself for not giving up even thought I really, really want to. I am inspired to keep working with meditation and with my therapist. I want to start seeing her either every other week or weekly for a few months to get some stuff nailed down. Want to be able to ask for a raise. I want to be a better person, less angry, better able to stand up for myself and others without ending up so full of rage that I just have to walk a way all together. I also want to care less about what other people think of me, and stop needing the approval of others so much. I need to be able internalize my own worth and ignore the opinions of others.
The most significant experience I've had in the past year was my service trip to the Dominican Republic. Prior to the trip I was simply an average high school student who lived in a bubble. However, from the trip I've learned that there is much more then just my school, home, and work. In fact, there are numerous different places and cultures waiting to be embraced such as the Dominican Republic. I will forever be grateful for the trip because it not only brought me closer to God and the Dominican culture, but also brought me closer to the people who I went on the trip with, who are now my best friends (though I'd argue they're more like family). I feel it is important that everyone should challenge themselves to get out of their comfort zones and travel to a new place or embrace a new culture like I did. This is because trips such as the one I went on teach people more about humanity and help us understand, through experience, that there are many different types of people out there who live very different, and sometimes similar, lifestyles. The service trip inspired me to take the opportunity I have to join the Latino culture club at my school to further explore my love for the Dominican culture. That is why my school service trip to the Dominican Republic is the most significant experience I've had in the last year.
Found out I need surgery for something important but not life-threatening. I will be grateful it goes well. The process leading up to it has involved several doctors, lots of tests, etc, and has been something of a travail of dealing with the medical and health insurance establishments and the hassles that can involve. I am fortunate in that I have a decent healthcare plan from my job and I don't have financial concerns. I can only imagine what this process would be like for someone with poor or no coverage or financial worries. Which means I have viewed the efforts by the party in power in Washington to undo what progress has been made the last few years in this area with even more dismay than I normally would have. But I better not get started on that topic!
I woke up one morning and I had tremendous difficultly walking. I went the route with medical professionals to discover the cause. It was related to a long established issue that had not given me any trouble for many decades. Then 6 weeks later I woke up again (happy to say) and I was able to walk again without pain and with greater mobility. I AM SO GRATEFUL!!! and Relived. I am more sensitive and appreciative of my ability to get around. I try not to worry about a return of this condition and choose to do as much as I can while I can, I will not feel sorry for myself and i will continue to participate in life.
I broke up with my best friends. It was terrible. Like as bad as losing someone you loved in a romantic way. I'm emotionally as raw as the night it happened. But I'm proud of myself. They live in a world where love is abuse. I am not going to live in that world. I'm excited for the new friendships I have now opened myself to. Loving friendships. I will always love my old friends, but I feel confident moving forward without them is the right thing to do.
This year, I fucking landed on the Forbes 30 Under 30 list. It's something I'm honestly still processing. It made me so grateful to be seen, especially now via the eyes of people in our community. Swipes had a ton of milestones from our board of directors becoming grown, the epic $7.5Mil legislation, our mission expanding to campus partnerships. Personally I started going to the gym a ton. Feeling my legs be strong is an incredible feeling. Also significant was spending feeling feelings with Hexter. Moving into wework/leaving the hub. Sharing babajoons story on stage. Going to the white house on RH last year!
I am going through a nasty divorce. I managed to find a way to connect, using compassion,with my ex-spouse, who was hell-being on destroying me. I think I found God inside me, or at least my inner spark. I will never let that bigger feeling get dimmed.
Got my PhD from Leiden University!!!! It was the most special day of my 66 years of life. It was all about me. It started with a special lecture from one of my committee members (from Sweden), my defense, a general reception in the courtyard where my defense was held, and then dinner at a very up-scale restaurant. I got many gifts and well-wishes. I cannot express the joy at having achieved something incredibly difficult. And it was about hard work and perseverance not exceptional brains. And now I have to live up to the expectations confered with the title I have been awarded.
My husband moved out in February of this year. Even though our 20 year marriage was barely hanging on by a thread, we agreed to get help and was only a few weeks away from beginning therapy. A few days after attending a required 2 day workshop (taught by our counselor) I received a text that read: "I'm not coming home tonight, I need some time by myself" I was angry, hurt, sad and resentful (leaving me with a 16 week old puppy.) Even though he was staying at a place less than 10 minutes away, I couldn't possibly see how being apart physically was going to foster feelings of understanding and connectedness. It took me months to get over the fact that we after 20+ years wouldn't be living together. I had to take each day as it came and really look at myself and how my limiting beliefs were standing between the situation and ultimately my happiness. Today we are still physically apart but much closer emotionally. I would have never had the strength to leave myself and I am now able to see how being apart kept has helped to keep us together.
my entire kivvun Jewish renewal experience was remarkable and inspiring.
The Trump election. That specific November event changed the actions and choices I made for the rest of the year-- it is why I am at Planned Parenthood now. The loss was absolutely devastating. I went to bed before the results were fully counted and woke up in a haze, wishing I had dreamed the entire previous night instead of lived it. I remember sitting at work reporting out on IT Software changes in cloud environments and simultaneously reading the thank you email from Hillary and beginning to sob in front of my whole team. Because he became elected, I pushed hard to go to Planned Parenthood, and specifically to go to a PP that was not in California. I am so lucky and privileged to remain shielded from the havoc he has wreaked on the lives of specific members of the U.S. population (E.g., transgender military members, DACA children, vicitms of sexual assault) since his election.
So many! I moved to China! Absolutely grateful and inspired. it allowed me perspective and distance from the most toxic experience i seemed continally walking back into, took me out of my comfort zone and started the steps of getting my happy back!!
Aunt Sandy passed away. Just when I thought we were passed all of that, that this year would be better, it wasn't. She passed from a heart attack on July 27, 2017, less than two years after her father, her mother, and her brother-in-law (my father).
My cat got cancer and died quite suddenly. It made me question lots if things like whether it is ethical or unethical to give her chemo, how to savor time when it is limited, how to mourn, how to sit with sadness, now to feel grateful for what you still have. At times I was surprised by how much sadness I felt and how much I didn't feel. So strange that it came and went in waves when the situation was so consistent.
I moved. In fact, I moved four times. First, from my home with Korrie on Moss Drive into my faculty member' home-well at least most of my belongings moved there. I moved into Korrie's new apartment for what was supposed to be a six week temporary houseshare until I moved into my faculty member's home for seven months of housesitting. I was sad to be leaving my joint apartment with Korrie; that apartment was supposed to be our home while I completed my doctoral training. Until our separation. Leaving that home meant that we were leaving each other-even though I was moving into his new apartment temporarily. I was sad. And yet, I was excited about the idea of moving into my faculty members home. She lives in a nice neighborhood, with good sidewalks, and it's near the river. There would be a park just up the street for Bryson, and a coffee shop two blocks away for me. I imagined my time there would give me space to breathe and consider my next move post-divorce. To figure out where I wanted to live. How I wanted to move in the world as a single person again. But, after four weeks at Korrie's, I was notified that my faculty member was not going to be traveling due to injury/illness, and I needed to find a home. In fairness, she offered me the opportunity to move in with her and her husband temporarily, but that felt uncomfortable. However, the snafu was that I was also leaving for a month-long training opportunity in Washington DC in July; a trip that was to be preceded by a week of dog sitting and a week at my parent's house. So, I had two weeks to find a home. Oh, I was mad at first. Mad and resentful. I kicked myself for not making a more permanent plan. For trusting that the universe was giving me an opportunity to step out of my comfort zone and enjoy seven months free of rent. I was angry. I also felt desperate. My focus turned to looking at apartment complexes online and trying to figure out what I could afford and what I could qualify for. My credit score was crashing and burning as my (still) spouse stopped paying on our joint accounts. His preparation for us going bankrupt. At that point I was still paying on my accounts-except the medical bills that I could not afford- but it didn't matter. My credit score had dropped from over 740 points down to close to 400. I felt to despondent. How was I going to find a place to live in two weeks? Who would take me? And then I got the text from my friend Amanda that her friend's husband was considering renting his home. He hadn't lived in it for over two years, and the house had been empty for over a year. They were making the decision to rent or to sell. She asked if I would be interested, and gave me the address. I drove by immediately and love the look. I said I would like to meet the landlord, Rob. We met that afternoon and he showed me the inside of the house. I fell in love. A small sunny two bedroom, one-storey home with a large garden and a driveway. In a neighborhood in North Knoxville that I had previously looked at, where there were sidewalks and (as reported by Rob as he named them all) friendly neighbors. I told Rob on that visit that I wanted to move in. He reduced the rent by the $50 I asked him to, and offered to help with the lawn care. We agreed in June that I would move in August 15. We didn't sign a lease until July, but despite the lax paperwork I felt okay. Calm. Sure and thankful. I next moved from Korrie's apartment to a basement Airbnb with my aforementioned friend Amanda for a month while we attended a National Cancer Institute summer training program in Washington DC. I was so nervous to go to DC. To leave my dog with my parents. To be living out of yet another suitcase. But, wow, that month was one of the best experiences that happened to me this year. The training was excellent, yes, but the time I spent by myself in that apartment, hiking solo, going for walks, drinking coffee, swimming with Amanda, going to AA meetings and getting sober, was more impactful than I could've imagined. It was good for me to be gone from Knoxville. To know that I could be on my own. I could be sober. And that I could be happy. I could be happy alone. Upon my return from DC I returned to Korrie's apartment for 10 days. I was ready to leave. And yet, when time came to move I was nervous about being alone. At first, I asked him to spend the night. And then, I didn't want him to. I wanted to do it myself. That first week after unpacking, after my mum visited but before I got Bryson back, I lived alone. And I loved it. Since bringing Bryson home with me, I still love it. I feel calm here. All the time. I love our morning walk rituals, and our evening dinner and television. I love working in the screened-in back porch office, and seeing the light stream through the kitchen windows. I love that the space is decorated with my taste and my art. I love that I can walk around naked and not worry about what message I'm sending. Or not. I love my deep bathtub and my organized pantry. All the baking goods in glass jars. I love that it's mostly clean all the time. Very little clutter. And I love that I am sober here. I am active here. I am reflexive here. I am loving here. I am me here. After months of moving and uncertainty, I finally came home. I am home here.
In the past year I quit my long-time side-gig that was a source of great stress. Now I feel grateful to myself for making this change and relieved that I don't need to put myself into that situation anymore but also concerned for the future. What will it bring? How will I sustain myself financially? What is it that is still making me unhappy?
I fell in love for the first time. And realized my sexuality. It has changed my perspective on life in so many ways. The worst thing is that the person I fell in love with lives on the other side of the world and I had to go home. It was a wonderful and worthwhile experience while it lasted though and I don’t regret pursuing it as they helped me discover so many things about myself and grow in so many ways.
I moved. So unexpected. Angry at first, but have embraced it. Embraced the process of making a home. Also met one of my husbands friends, who has become like a brother to me
I've learned about my core values. It was from reading an article about the American Revolution that said that that event gave the US its major values. I know most of what I believe was shaped by my 2012 emotional breakdown and my 2016 breakup. So I started thinking about what my core values were. I decided they were 1. Balance and moderation 2. Pragmatism: doing what makes sense 3. Doing what is right 4. Peace: both internal and external This was a huge step toward leaning about who I am as a person. It happened in April 2017.
My brother's suicide. I am angry, remorseful, grief-stricken, haunted. He passes through my mind every day. I wish I had known him. I wish he had told me something about his life. I wish he would have accepted my help.
Well I had a baby in January. I had no time for pain meds and had her quickly and naturally. It has been such a crazy several months being a mom and adjusting to this life. I couldn't imagine it any other way. I love my daughter and am looking forward to watching her grow!
I broke up with the man I loved more than I've ever loved any man. I thought I was going to marry him, but his mental health had deteriorated a lot over the past couple of years and it no longer felt safe to be with him. The first couple months were hard. Really hard. But once I got a bit of time away from him, I felt calmer, more grounded and lighter. My house is (mostly) clean, and I'm grateful to no longer be constantly accommodating him. I was really sad that he decided to go scorched earth on me and didn't want to continue a friendship. And that he has tried to talk smack to my friends and family about me. Fortunately they know and love me and have stuck by me. I'm excited to see what the future holds!
I climbed Mt Adams. I am super grateful. It wasn't something I was planning on doing. At first I wasn't sure I could even do it. I was proud of my accomplishment. It wasn't as hard as I had made it out to be. I was also amazed at the beauty of national parks in our own state. We are so fortunate to have a government that works to provide such beautiful parks. It did inspire me to want to explore our state even more!
This year I succeeded in getting my Condo association to agree to install individual water meters in our 55 unit Condo. The result has been that our Condo fee has gone down by $47 per month and we pay only for the water we use. It has also meant that we have been able to identify leaks promptly and remedy them. I believe that our water usage has probably gone down. I will find out next month. This whole effort has made me very happy because it has benefitted us all and enabled us to conserve our natural resources.
It was very recent... I exploded at my friend... I had let so much built up because I have issues communicating... it was a scary experience... no one was hurt but it was an eye opener... I'm working very seriously now to work out my issues of esteem, trust, and communication.
I got a new job. It has been such a relief and I do feel grateful. Very hard to take a big salary cut and yet it is the best job I've ever had in other ways.
My wife got pregnant, and we started the process of adoption. Pretty much simultaneously. The actual life changing part hasn't happened yet, but the process of moving in that direction already feels significant. Quite excited.
Alex and I bought our first house ever in July. This was huge and made me very joyful and ecstatic because it helped satisfy many needs of mine and my family, and even more wants of mine and my family.
In the past year I lost my virginity to my best friend, it made me realize that how you trust and care about someone can change so dramatically in literally ten minutes. I'm so grateful that i got to experience this milestone in life with this specific person. it was a good choice.
August 12 invasion by white supremacists. I am still reeling and trying to make sense of it. I'm broken.
we moved from SC to Fla, huge Charleston to little Homosassa. We now have a large house with our own pool, but are much further from family. Katie and Dennis are so much closer and that has been great. I have had multiple problems finding good Drs. and missed a remicade treatment, which caused a health set back. I have had several health problems since the move, bursitis in the hip and groin for about 2 months, causing back and leg problems due to crooked walking. Had a big hurricane just miss us, but had gas shortages, no stores open. BUT, Charleston got it harder. I am feeling better and hope I have turned a corner. Estate sales are fun. Springs are gorgeous!
The three year romantic relationship that I had with Bryan ended last month, pretty much a year from when he told me he loved me. It was over 10 years between my relationship with Bryan and the previous one. I feel even more broken and unattractive than I did before we started. Is it too much for me to have a person in my life where there is mutual love, mutual respect, mutual attraction, and mutual appreciation?
At the very end of June I lost my job. I am far from grateful but I'm not surprised that it happened. I have been in a depression for months and doing my best to try to get back to where I feel I was months before that, although the depression stems from feelings and esteem. I hope that this dark moment serves as something positive when it finally clears. I am resentful towards my family for the lack of love and I am resentful towards myself for the coping mechanisms I've used in the ensuing years since issues began but I am trying to get to the point of forgiveness.
I went to Israel through Honeymoon Israel and feel like that experience and the people I shared it with was life changing. I'm so thankful for spending time in that country that means so much to me and my family. The trip was amazing with all of the sights and sounds and smells. But the most significant part of it was the people, who are now family. This group is so open, supportive, and fun! I love them and know that they'll be friends for life.
I graduated from college in May and so far everything has been falling into place pretty nicely. I got a job with the company I interned with at school in a sister office 30 minutes from home. I was finally able to buy myself the truck I’ve always wanted and my friendship with my group of friends from middle school & highschool is better than ever. Some things have changed, I stopped connecting with my friends from college a lot quicker then I expected which sucks because I spent the last four years of my life living with them. Also, my highschool sweetheart who I thought I would end up with for the rest of my life decided he was going to date someone else behind my back as things were finally in a good place again. I like to try to consider those last two things as blessings in disguise. We’ll see. All in all I’m grateful, excited, determined and ready to persevere.
My older son's passions and efforts have been transparent and obvious to me as a parent. My younger son has been quite the opposite. To the point wher I felt it necessary to "push the baby out of the nest". I had to prepare myself for the possibility that he would severe any connection with my (us) as parents. Yet, I was convinced that this was proper and the best for all involved. He is now living on his own, working in local fast food and chasing his passion. In addition, he is now a joy to be around. He is content, almost happy, and even engages is the loving and testing type witty interplay that happens between people who trust the relationship between them. So, I am quite grateful that he has not cut off the relationship, but leans on it for support when (and only when) he sees the need for it.
Mom diagnosed with cancer. She had it removed and has completed Radiation. The future is bright. Mom and Dad received lots of support from us kids and grandkids. It made our close family closer and, again, reminded us what is important in life - Do what we can to help others. It helps us heal too. Just happens to be family, but we did the same for the hurricane victims, whatever we could do to help.
We got a dog named Izzy. She brings our family so much joy. I am surprised how much I enjoy having her and how she has made our family cozier. I am grateful for being able to provide a home for a dog and also that she provides us with unconditional love.
One year and 11 days ago I had a new baby. We didn't plan to have two kids but he is a huge blessing to us. I feel like it affected me in many ways. We have less money and less time however we are settling into new routines as a family and we don't take any time together for granted. Now when I am home after work I only focus on the kids and home life. There's no time for work related stuff even if I wanted to! I'm grateful for our family the way it is. I am so grateful that I got to do the kid thing again. There are moments so unique and wonderful between a mama and a newborn or infant that I am so happy to have experienced again.
My son, Ben, got engaged and completed his masters, all in the same week. I am thrilled to see him so happy and so excited at the prospect of becoming a teacher of language arts. I am grateful that he appears to have found his life partner. I am grateful that I was able to pay for his grad school expenses. I also had a hip replacement and am grateful that it went well. Not thrilled that my left leg is now a half-inch shorter than it my right, but after watching friends struggle post surgery, I am very happy that I can walk at normal speed, pain free!
This has been a very strange year, professionally. ---I went back to work as a teacher for the first time in many decades just before the new year started, but was mistreated, disrespected, slandered, libeled and driven out of the job within 6 months. Even though I felt somewhat satisfied as a teacher (reaching students no one else had been able to reach, helping several complete their G.E.D.s, and moving others along who had been stalled,) and a teacher trainer (my co-teacher had never had education to be a teacher; she had been a vet, so she had said that she learned a lot from me), the attendance dwindled so much that we often only had 1 or 2 students for weeks at after Jan. 2., It was a complete waste of my time and skills to be there. I was relieved to be "laid off" in mid-February. ---Despite much effort, many applications and several interviews, I still haven't found a good place to put my skills, experience, knowledge and expertise to use. Why is that? ---I also haven't finished my fourth Volume in my sci-fi series even though it has been more than 3/4 finished for over a year. My urge to write has flown. ---I stopped doing my online conversational talk show about one year ago as well, due to technical problems (not mine; YouTube's) that took more than a month to resolve. By the time I could return to it, I didn't want to do that any longer, either. I feel guilty, as if I'm wasting my life. I have so much to offer and nowhere to offer it. What to do with myself, professionally, is the burning question of my 64th year on this planet. Hope I can figure that out.
Wow...what a year! It is hard to choose which experience to pick. I think I will pick one that I am proud of. This year, during the summer, I had the opportunity to supervise MANY people. Although we had many ups and downs as a staff, there are a few staff that I am incredibly proud of due to their own self-growth. One of my counselors began his second summer where he left off the year before---he is incredibly warm and caring, but did not have a lot of self-confidence. Over the course of the summer, we worked together to both hone his counseling skills, as well as think about his own personal growth and journey. He mentored another counselor after I realized that I cannot be everything to everyone. He did this beautifully, and walked away from the summer feeling like a different person. I am so proud of him, and so thankful to have had the opportunity to both work with him and see the power of uplifting those around me. I am so inspired to follow him throughout his life, and to watch as others carry on in this manner. Saying goodbye to him was incredibly painful and sad, but I know that I will carry this experience with me wherever I go and throughout my professional life. Thank you, friend, for making me a better person and seeing how wonderful people can be!
I decided to live. After years of channeling every ounce of my deteriorating energy into harming myself in any and every way I could, after years of starvation and loathing so deep and so complete that it once again culminated in nine days completely without food of any kind, after endless nights almost too long to endure as I prayed desperately for my heart to finally stop altogether, after finally coming to terms with this world and this life just not being for me, I chose to live. I decided that my darkness was too unbearable, and instead of ending my life I had to surrender to love, to help, to worthiness, to light, to existence. I decided that no matter the excruciating pain and emptiness that the path to finding myself would entail, I had to finally, finally, begin the journey. I had to choose the world, choose this life, and hold this new small seed of hope within my heart. I got up off the floor where I expected to die, I got on a plane, I cried and felt and trusted and hurt and loved, and I am so grateful. This is not to say that I am not still scared; sometimes I am so terrified I cannot breathe. Sometimes I still feel as though my chest is being crushed under the unfathomable weight of terror and silence, but nevertheless I am more grateful than words can ever express. And it is my work of this next year to cultivate that gratitude and grow its roots deep within my being, grounding me, making me safe, alive, and whole.
a significant experience that i have had was meeting my current boyfriend. he’s changed me in ways that i can’t even begin to imagine. i am so grateful to have him in my life, and i hope that he continues to chance me postively.
This past year was full of traveling for me. I visited Ireland, Haiti, China (twice), the Grand Canyon, and Tampa Bay. Each and every time I travel, I learn something new about myself and the world. I am always so grateful that I have the privilege of being able to travel to so many places in my short 25 years of life. I've seen more places in the world than most of the people I know. Ireland was the first international trip that I plan on my own. It brought Emily and I so much closer and left us with so many memories and laughs. Getting a new job this year involved getting the chance to travel to China twice this last year. It truly is a whole different world over there, but the more I go, the more I like it. I love getting to learn the details of the culture. Tampa Bay and the Grand Canyon were both trips that were just me and Travis. And although these trips were here in the US, they meant more to me than I can put into words. Traveling with your best friend and significant other puts you in situations that you have not been in before and really shows you each other's true colors. Seeing him so happy at a Raiders game, was one of my favorite things. Hiking the Grand Canyon, riding in a hot air ballon, road tripping with out GPS or phone signal, getting high (legally) for the first time in my life on my 25th birthday on 4/20 - they are all memories that I am so so happy and grateful that I made them with him. Although each trip was different I would have to say that the Haiti trip affected me the most. It never fails that I forget what life is like in a developing country. The poverty hits me like a ton of bricks. I come back to the US more confused and challenged about how I live my life, why I am privileged to grow up where I did. But it also challenges me to use that privilege for good. I am now the sponsor of a little girl named Marielle. And I think about her everyday. I left a huge piece of my heart in Haiti and hope to go back again some day. The last year was full of learning experiences and memories and I am so thankful and grateful and inspired by them.
I closed down my business. I wasn't running it for a long time, just over a year and it had to be closed down. I feel relieved definitely but I also feel regret for the money I lost and disappointed with people. This experience led to loss of several relationships I deemed important.
I had a serious relationship with a wonderful man for the first time since my divorce. Although I have certainly dated and had sex since my marriage ended, I have not told another man (other than my ex-husband) that I loved him, until Steven. The relationship opened me up emotionally and physically. I am incredibly grateful to Steven for showing me how it feels to be adored, to be loved and to be cherished. Although I did end the relationship--when I realized we weren't right for each other--I will always remember Steven fondly for the growth the relationship provided me.
There are a few things I can think of that were fairly significant experiences and I know other questions will give me a chance to write about them, so I think I'm going to choose taking part in the Women's March in January as the one. It was billed as a chance to protest in favor of rights for women, but was more of an anti-Trump event, the day after his inauguration; taking part in it was significant because it made me feel like I was part of something much bigger than myself, as women (not just women, actually) all over the country and even the world took part. I felt inspired by the event, the speeches, the signs I saw and the hope we felt that day. That hope has diminished some for various reasons, but it was exciting and inspiring to be part of it in that moment.
I quit my job, and it was the most liberating experience Of my life. It was risky, but it made me realize how much more important my family and health was. I am in the process and starting my own small business. Although I have a long road ahead of me, I am 100% happy.
when I moved to where I am today, I had to divide my dogs because you could only have one. I had the father and son. My cousin took the father to live with her. 7 months ago my cousin moved down the hall from me and now the father (Raku) of my dog Chalee, Raku live's down the hall from his son, my dog chalee. I get to babysit Raku when they go out and I take them both for walks. I know that only God could of worked this out. The decision to separate them was heartbreaking. I went through every emotion known to man. I am relieved the dogs are back together again. I am more so inspired with the way that God will move mountains to heal your heart.
Getting pregnant..it brought faith and appreciation for the small things more into my life.
I got married! I've been married for about 6 months now and even though certain moments are challenging, it's by far the best decision I've ever made. I feel so lucky to be married to a guy that inspires me and who works very hard to achieve his dreams. I thank the heavens for you my love.
My husband died on Father's Day after a four-and-a-half year time with cancer. I am very sad. I am grateful that around six of his last 9 weeks were very good. I miss him. I'm overwhelmed by the additional responsibilities with paperwork and cars and things.
I finally got a full-time job!!! Since moving to GA in 2011, I'd only been able to find part-time work. I'd become so depressed and demotivated with my job search that I was mentally preparing to pack up and go back to NJ. They say there's a reason for everything and, while I don't really believe that, in this case I think it holds true. Most everything about this job merits having had to "wait" so long for it to come to me - the location/easy commute, pay/benefits/perks, plus I have my own office for the first time in my life and like my boss and coworkers. I am grateful and relieved. Now to get the rest of my life in order...
Got back with my boyfriend, made long distance work, and am planning to move in together - interstate. I suppose it's affecting what I'm planning after graduating university. I'm really happy, it's a bit crazy to be making such big decisions, but it makes me hopeful and positive about the future.
One significant experience that has happened this past year was going on the Big Trip to Israel. Oh my gosh, it was amazing! This trip furthered my connections to Israel and Judaism. One of my favorite moments had to have been when we celebrated the first and last Shabbat at the Western Wall. By this point, we had made a full circle of the country, and we were preparing to return home. I will always remember that during that Friday night, my decision to become a rabbi became more solidified, and I will forever be grateful for this. This mainly happened when I walked through the crowd up to the Wall, and I sang the Sh'ma and V'ahavta to myself. After, I looked up at the Wall and up at the sky, and I just knew right then and there that my connection to Judaism and this Holy Land will only grow. Another point on the trip that I felt pretty connected was when we celebrated Shabbat services on Saturday Morning at HUC, because I may be looking into this school in my future.
Joan had surgery on her ankle in July. She went to recover at the cottage, and because I told her that it looked like she was dragging something behind her, she tried to turn around on her scooter and fell on her ankle. This resulted in excruciating pain that wouldn't go away. She was later diagnosed with Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS), and we've discovered that there is no cure. She is in constant pain, constant increasingly awful pain. It exhausts her, makes her grumpy, makes her cry. Yet, she is so strong. I would have melted down - had a nervous breakdown if I would have been told you'll likely never get better. Yet, she continues to have a positive attitude, is going through PT, and it is getting better.
Several significant events have happened. Difficult to chose one. My job was eliminated! Last year it was my obsession. Now it's gone! I'm so relieved. I'm inspired to make my life different-never to settle for that type of negative atmosphere again. I have more freedom to be creative. However it's also a bit disturbing how the void has filled so quickly with miscellaneous things. I'm being creative but still trying to make money which draws me away from creativity once more. My mother was diagnosed with bipolar and narcissistic personality disorder. I am also relieved. I've spent too much time trying to understand what the problem is. Now I have something clear.
I decided to finally get healthy. I started counting calories & moving. I received a Fitbit for Mother's Day so I try to walk at least 6500 steps per day.
I started dating my sweetie! I feel... excited, hopeful, interested, intrigued and also very, very challenged. I'm not sure where the line is between "this is good and there are some hard things" and "this is nice but the hard things outweigh the great pieces." I'm feeling frustrated to not have the answer of "Does this end well?" I'm trying to reframe the question to: "Given that I want to be with this person right now, what can I do to make this work well right now?" Which is really different than "Do I want to be with him?"
This past year I was involved in a traumatic car accident and it changed everything. I am fueled with gratefulness for every moment. I have renewed my faith and found new life. It was a rough experience and a lot of people have told me to not repeat myself to, not try to be a hero. But I have always wanted to stand up for what was right and I don't really know how not to be that way. I don't know if i would repeat the exact same situation the same way, but I will try to stand up to injustice when I can.
My daughter had surgery. Both my daughters are starting their senior years, high school and college. Excited to see what the future holds
My husband was diagnosed with cancer. It has changed our lives and the focus of my time and investment of my energy. I am grateful in many different ways: for G-d's mercy, power, kindness, and provision just to start. I am relieved in having answers, direction, and hope. Inspired to strive for growth in advancing my faith. Resentful at times for the fight, the stress of an unknown future and the fears of loss and for life.
I went to Ghana to teach teachers. I thought the experience would be wonderful but it was so much more than I expected. On one level it was so much harder then I thought it would be. I have not had to think and write in academic language for a long time and suddenly I was writing and communication using terms I have not used in years. The poverty and lack of resources were much worse than I had imagined and so again I felt somewhat at a loss. But the work was so much more then the term wonderful can describe. Each day was a challenge I met and overcame. I stepped out way out of my comfort zone and found skills I didn't know I had. I made deep friendships and did something that really changed lives, changed me. I left wondering if I could handle the unknown and came back knowing that there is great personal growth in reaching past what you know to what lays just beyond. I can back a stronger me, someone who is ready to venture into the new great beyound.
My Mom died. It makes me sad. It makes me treasure the time I had with her and for everything she did for me. It makes me treasure even more the things that I have with people in my life who are very significant.
Very recently my boyfriend and I uprooted our lives in New York and moved to Chicago. It's still too new to really make an assessments but on the surface I think this was great decision. Our apartment is probably 3 times the size of NY apartment and we're paying less. This move will also force me to make an effort to make friends which I think will be hard but will also be good for me. It's also cemented, to me, that I am the doer in the relationship. I've literally handled every aspect of our move, even parts that I didn't want to. I'm definitely more of the "adult" out of the two of us which I've always felt but this has really solidified that feeling for me. This has been a little frustrating and exhausting and I'm not entirely sure how to course correct this situation so that we share more in decision making and handling of important issues, but I continue to wear the mantle and grin and bear it. That has really been the only Me heat I've thing so far. So I hope we have an amazing experience in our new city.
My aunt died. She was deaf and blind and mentally handicapped. We communicated using sign language, which I learned in grade school, then college and then grad school. I became her guardian after my grandmother died; I was 33. From that time forward, my aunt came and spent holidays with me and my family. I was in the room when she died. I was sad and bereft, but also happy it was painless and that she had lived a full and mostly joyful life. I'm so grateful I knew her. She made me a better person. I'm now relieved of the responsibility of guardianship, but I miss her, particularly around the holidays. That said, her memorial and burial services brought together almost all her nieces and nephews and their families, and she would have loved that. She loved having the family all together. It brought her immense satisfaction to have our family gather together and she would have loved that we were.
A few weeks shy of my 26th birthday, I finally graduated from college. I didn't go to commencement, because my dad had just had surgery and my family couldn't make it. Instead I went out and got hammered with some MBA students who would later become dear friends. I downplayed my graduation at the time because I was a little embarrassed at how long it had taken me. But I'm really proud of what I accomplished, given that I've had chronic health problems since high school. Growing up, college and career success seemed inevitable. It's wound up being far more difficult than I anticipated and I have learned to celebrate the wins, no matter how small or delayed they seem, because it means that I'm moving forward.
I finally took an international trip and I did it by myself. It taught me a lot about myself and what I like to do. The trip itself was perfect for me -- just enough activity, just enough friends. I learned that I'm not a go-getter traveler and that I like my vacations to be a break. I'm relieved I finally took the leap and took a real vacation. I'm inspired to see more of the world. I'm a little bitter at the people with significant others who have people to see the world with.
I was fired from my job with no warning. It affected everything - money, a trip to Hawaii, my self esteem, and even family planning. It gave me more time to spend with my son, and in the end I found a great job where I feel supported.
I decided to separate from my husband. I am sad, disappointed but also relieved. I feel equal parts hopeful and despondent about my future.
This year my 91 year old mother decided to move from the home she built with my father and move into a retirement facility. This process has been traumatic and has caused some health issues.We know that this is the best choice and that the housing market to sell my childhood home is an all time high. The problem is that she is over working and making herself sick. We are still in the midst of this but I see that it is the best solution. Still very hard for all of us.
I started fostering dogs. It wasn't really on purpose; it just kind of happened. It has been a really good experience and also something I've found that I'm good at. It has given me a focus and a way to not fall too deeply into myself and my depression and get lost. It has given me project after project with the best reward--seeing the dogs find their perfect homes. I've learned that I can fully love an animal just as my own but still let it go, knowing that I helped it along the way and I'm just a stepping stone. I'm greatful that I've learned that my capacity for love isn't broken
the experience i had was that i decided to move to los angeles from seattle (still in progress). it has been an exciting if stressful time. exciting in that i will get to live by my family for the first time in 20+ years; stressful as far as job situation, moving logistics, and actually...living by my family for the first time in 20+ years. :D so far i'm grateful i have the opportunity to do this while maintaining my current work situation. i miss seattle, but i am meeting lots of great new people, and i am super optimistic about my future here in LA. p.s. somehow this question reminds me of the scene in kill bill where elle driver kills budd -- which is the biggest R you feel about never having dueled with the bride...relief...or regret?
This year I lost my beloved father. It reminded me that although he was 85, there is never enough time. It is important to do and be the person you want to be now. It reminded me of the importance of family ( siblings, kids, hubby) who were there to support and continue to be there. There were beautiful moments in his passing as he was surrounded by his grandkids and kids and escorted from this world in a manner that befit his life- with humor, a sweetness , a sadness and sureounded by those who loved him. I will forever hold a place in my heart for my dear dad
One of my best friends died. It affected me in a big way. It is still raw and I am very sad and I miss her.
I was appointed to the Washoe County Planning Commission. Despite my reservations about my capacity to serve given my diminishing cognitive skills, the process of applying, interviewing, and participating has shown me I still have something of value to contribute. I certainly am less functional than I used to be, but I am more open-minded and a better listener because of that. I have learned a great deal about myself and I hope to use my position to better organize my community. I have also learned a great deal about community planning,which is a bit embarrassing after 40 years as a professional planner.
This year, I came out. It's weird, because this New Years was the time that I really decided I was going to do it. I was going to actually go on dates with women, and I was going to tell people I was bisexual, because clearly that's what I was. Clearly I couldn't be totally gay, because, dear god what took me so long, then? And I did it. I joined dating apps, I introduced myself to new coworkers as queer, I went on dates. I called my parents. Told my cousins. Got in a fight at a super Catholic wedding. I started dating Lisa, who is pretty and smart and shy, and who is doing this weird awkward coming out thing as an adult, too. And in all of this, I kinda hoped that people wouldn't ask me what took me so long, because I didn't know the answer. Almost as soon as I started dating Lisa, I knew I was not just attracted women, but attracted to only women. And I think I knew that, too, on some level. But I've gotten really wrapped up in conceptualizing myself as this person who knew a lot of things "on some level." And I've reworked my memories to fit this narrative of a person who was closeted, who was keeping a secret. And I was keeping secrets. This wasn't my first foray into lesbian dating, after all. I'd first set myself as bisexual on OkCupid--just to see--in...2012? 2013? Earlier? I'd been on a few dates, even. I used to write little coming out notes every year on National Coming Out Day. Except all those notes were confused. They were me coming out as questioning, and I wasn't ready to question in front of everyone I knew. In a lot of ways, I didn't feel like I was hiding. I didn't have a secret girlfriend. I wasn't secretly pining over anyone in particular. And when I made out with girls in college, that was definitely out in the open. It wasn't a secret at all. I'd known all the way back in high school that I didn't feel about boys the way a lot of my friends felt about boys, and I wasn't quiet about that. I talked about it. About how I didn't know the difference between attraction and friendship, platonic and romantic love. I knew I connected better with women, but I didn't have the context of reciprocation to explore any of those feelings, so I never understood them in a deeper way. I think if we're really going to divide my life into a before and after I knew I was attracted to women, it was St. Patty's Day 2014, when Liz wrote me a limerick and we kissed through a car window. It was all play on her part, but I floated all the way home. And I knew that it wasn't going anywhere, but I also knew that I *wanted* to go somewhere. And that was enough. But my life was such a disaster at that point. I was crying almost all day every day. That St. Patty's Day at the Squirrel Cage was probably the only day I left the house that week. After that I moved to a teeny tiny beach town, home of exactly zero young, single queer women. So I let that self-knowledge sit in the back of my mind. I stored it away for later. This year, though. This year I had the money and time to date. I had a job I wasn't ashamed of sharing out loud. I had short hair and a couple of flannels and why the hell not, at this point? And if the experience has been a little rough in places, that's okay. If calling the parents and telling them was really, unexpectedly hard, that's okay. If I still think about whether or not it was the right call to take communion at Kelly's wedding, that's okay too. I want to say I hope you're doing well, future me. I want to give examples of what I think I hope you've accomplished. Except I'm old enough now to know that you'll be one year older than me, and whatever I say is going to sound weird and wrong and potentially heartbreaking. So I just hope you're plugging along, being me and you and us, the parts that overlap and the parts that don't. And I hope you remember to be grateful for 2017, even though a lot of it was terrible and we have a monster for a president and there are hurricanes and earthquakes and nuclear weapons coming out of North Korea. Because 2017 hasn't been so very bad. Not for us, at least.
I had several major milestones in the past year. I turned sixty and hosted a marvelous party - with lots of help from my daughter - for a great group of friends. Very grateful to all who came and to my daughter for all her love and hard work. I attempted yet again to lose weight - went to two different major weight loss 'camps' - Destination Jumpstart in Moclips and Whistler Fitness Vacations. Gained 3 pounds - very disappoited, disspirited and resigned. I set myself a goal to walk in six 5 k walks before I turned 60 and I did it - but it was NOT a good idea. While successful, each one set me back several days in my fitness training schedule but at least I learned my limits and walking that long a distance without taking rests is not a good plan for me. I bought my own home for the first time AND I bought myself a Tesla Model S. Very happy, excited and proud of myself. Also volunteered in Greece running a medical clinic for Syrian refugees for 2 months. Fantastic experience and again proud of pushing myself outside my comfort zone on this one!!
My son was born in February. I could not have even begun to imagine how it has affected me. The whole world has changed, but also, everything's the same. The little things have surprised me the most – I cry at silly animal-parent videos, I smile at other babies and mothers wherever I go. At the same time, I'm also amazed at how lonely it feels to be a mother. Your friends stop calling, you're consumed with looking after a tiny human, and forget what it's like to look after yourself. You feel guilty at almost everything. I'm so grateful that he's happy and healthy, and wouldn't go back, even if I could. He's brought so much love into my life; he makes me want to be better.
I am grateful for many things in 2017. I was converted from a contractor to a full time employee - relief! I took a trip of a life time to Egypt and Jordan - amazing. The trip inspired me to get my financial house in order, so that I can travel more.
I was excited and proud to cast my vote for Hillary Clinton in the presidential election. The next morning, I was devastated when Trump was declared the winner. I was in a fog of fear, revulsion and despair and have had a very hard time coming to terms with this reality. Every day I see him do further damage to the office, to the country, and to the tradition and commitment to the values we have always stood for. I fear that the stench of this corrupt administration will follow us for years, and that each day the fabric of the nation is further rent. I am still devastated and disbelieving and wish more than anything to see him and his henchman removed from office.
I moved to NYC! I feel blessed and inspired. I still haven’t figured everything out but I feel like I am in the right place to do it.
The moment I knew I had to return to be a camp counselor at Newman. Walking up the hill after Gadna, with Melissa, Lexie, and all my kids, when they started begging to walk AvoPath. I began arguing why it was too dangerous, and Melissa started playing "Wash Me Away." My girls joined in, singing up the hill, in a three part round. We stopped at the top of the hill, Lexie pointed out the sunset, and we stood around and sang and stood with our arms around each other in a circle. Melissa and Lexie and I were thrilled. We created an impromptu Priestly Blessing, covering our girls with our hands, then broke, and I began our bedtime rap. It was absolutely amazing, the kind of Jewish experience I could only wish for my girls. I have to keep imparting that experience on other girls, shaping their Jewish identity each day.
I had a baby ! My whole life has been changed and my priorities reordered. I am beyond thankful for the amazing blessing of my son!
So really, the biggest thing that weighs me down is my daughter (the last kid) graduating from high school. I have been gearing up for an empty house, but she didn't get it together (for sometimes legit reasons) to enroll in college. That was kind of devastating for me. I like having her around, but I wanted to be done with the daily parenting stuff. It's not like, just because she is 18, I can turn it off. I support her, and am helping her with this current college search, but it's hard without the high school support. I try to look at it from her point of view, and that helps, but the stress is a lot for me. It's been hard to climb out of it all. I resent it I guess. It makes me think that I can't change.
I was able to provide significant financial assistance to my parents when they needed it most. This experience made me reflect on the thousands of moments my parents supported me financially even when they were struggling to make ends meet. I am grateful for the sacrifices they made for me - sacrifices that allowed me to attend a top university and graduate with a job that provides me with financial independence and stability. While I have nothing to give my parents that could possibly come close to life they've given me, I am privileged to have had the opportunity to express my gratitude with more than just words.
I married my long term partner after 10 happy years of dating. I didn't expect it to matter as much as it did. Of course I knew it would be a significant event in our lives together, but I assumed that being married wouldn't be that different than seriously dating for years, but it really is different. Her family is my family now and mine is hers. She and I already felt like family, but now we ARE family, and that's just different. It's like a way too on the nose metaphor turned into an actuality. The sign didn't really change but the signified did. I wish I did it years ago, but I thank Gd every day for this incredible woman.
Quoth Michael, "Hold down the shift key, and the A key, and hold them both for awhile, and then you're done." This is not entirely fair. We got engaged this year, which was magical (for at least a week, before the AAAAAAA set back in.) I think the Trump election was about as horrible as my unexpected divorce from Dan. Yeah, we knew it was a possibility, but never thought it would happen like that. The healthcare bill passing the house while we were roaming around Charleston... I feel like this last year has mostly been one of shock. To end on a higher note: I also had that whole France trip with Joe and Janet and Rhonda and Andrea and the littles. The puppet show! The L'Orangerie! The food! The French concierge guy who helped himself to our wine and cut us breakfast cheese! The catacombs! The Belgian residency! Belgium in general! Antwerp! Janet pretending to be horses! It was an amazing time that already feels so far in the past. Also, I am still grateful for having my own room that entire trip, which is probably what kept Kaitlyn alive.
Well, I got sued. That wasn't fun. It definitely put me into a new level of adulthood. It was a reminder that life sure as hell is not fair, just like my mama always taught me. But to look on the bright side, it's finally over now, and my marriage survived (and perhaps has become even stronger, healthier, and happier than before all of this hell), and we have amazing family and friends, and life will carryon.
Returning to the city I left a year ago. my relationship with Ben. (I am one week post break up as I write.) It affected me... by Allowing me to solidify my life after the dark period in boulder. I awakened into me. Stretched myself to expand into all corners of myself. I felt true joy, levity, and the aliveness that I am. I recreated friendships and started my private practice. Really...I learned surrender and the relief in letting go. I accepted a home. I let go of judgement of myself and easily accepted others with curiosity. I allowed myself to fully be my silly weird energetic self. I crossed the threshold of being my pain body. I am grateful. Immensely grateful for the friends and playtime and my adventures with ben. With ben I enjoyed him and us and our ease and playfulness. I liked who we were together. I believed in him and his capacity to do his personal growth work. We laughed and had electric chemistry that we couldn't pull away from. I am still grateful for having that time with him. A sweet balm after the dark days. I am not feeling inspired, as much as I am feeling emptied. In a good way, I believe Ben gave me a mirror for my joy and now I empty again so I can be filled up with myself fully. I am sad, but I am ok. I love him and I love who I am.
A very significant experience in the past year was my conversation with Dad in Canada. In the context of our relationship, after so many years of difficulty, it was more wonderful than I can say to feel that so much pain and hurt had been addressed and that we could then move forward. I am grateful that Dad listened to me, heard me, recognized what I needed, and gave me what I needed so that we could move forward into what I hope is a healthier, happier relationship. Thinking about it now, I am somewhat resentful/upset that it took this long for the conversation to take place; however, at the time when it took place I felt nothing but gratitude and joy, so that's what I'm going to try to hang on to.
I claimed the vegan title. I am amazed at myself, I really didn't think I could do it! But here I am, fully vegan, and not even thinking twice about going back to being non-vegan. I've met wonderful people as a result, I've tried new foods, my cholesterol dropped 30 points, and I'm making a positive difference in the lives of so many animals. Of course, it's not all sunshine and rainbows. It's very hard to hear and see the cruelty all around me, in people I love, who aren't ready to change yet. But all in all, it's been amazing and I'm so proud of myself for doing it.
I got a new job doing the kind of work that I love right out of school. It made me feel like all of my work was worth something, and that I was more than my failures. I was so greatful that my passion that I had been persuing for years got to be my job right after graduation.
I didn't want to give an answer like this, I wanted to give a real answer to the question asked. But I don't feel like I've had significant experiences. Nothing rises above the momentary or has any lasting impact. I've changed, but in a gradual continuous way as hundreds of things happened, I don't know when it starts or stops. Things are different, but I didn't have an experience of them being different.
The loss of my sister affected me greatly. I'm still figuring it out what it all means to me...only 58 years old it's still hard to comprehend.
Here's the sad part; nothing immediately came to mind. And then something did. My cat Nomad was diagnosed with congestive heart failure about six weeks ago. I try to forget it. I don't want to remember that he is dying. He's only eight and he's only lived with me for five years. He showed up at my door one cold winter day, scrawny and matted. A black spot at the sliding glass door who ran away when I came to the door. For some reason, he kept coming back and made friends with my other cat Lyric. But he wouldn't make friends with me. He wouldn't, couldn't trust me. It took me 12 long weeks of putting out wet food morning and night for Nomad to trust me enough to let me touch him. A quick pet or a short scratch on the top of the head as he walked by me and then he would run away to the back of the yard out of reach hiding under a bush. Another four weeks before he decided to come in the house to stay. And now, I'm losing him. The cat who snuggles with me by grabbing my hand and pulling it to his chest has a rumbling in his chest because his breathing is labored. It is all I can do not to cry when I hear that rumbling. How does it affect me? I'm grateful I have the ability to care for him and make the end of his life as easy as possible but I'm so resentful that this cat who found a home and found love now has to die far too young. Maybe he'll be here next year when I get my answers and maybe he won't. But I will love him every day that I am lucky enough to have him with me.
I experienced bullying at work while going through a series of deaths in my family. I learned that life doesn't keep. I've learned that now is the thing. I've learned that I really care about others. I've learned that trust is relative; but truth matters. I've learned that I'm worth more than I can currently imagine, and so are those around me. I've learned that I'm privileged. I've learned that I'm not the same. I'm craving focus and self-honesty in a different way. I've learned that I get to choose what I endure; and that by doing so, I teach my daughter the same practice. I've learned that I talk about me a lot; but I care more about you. I should ask more. Listen more. Love much more.
I have begun to come to terms with how greatly the traumas of my youth and my clinical depression have negatively affected my life. I am incredibly resentful. I am, however, resolute that this year I will learn to work with those restrictions so that I may actually live instead of just surviving.
I recently found out I had a brain tumor and had unexpected surgery that dramatically changed my plans for the end of summer and the start of fall. Luckily it was benign. It has made me slow down and evaluate what I want to do, especially as I don't have as much energy as I am used to. This annoys me, but also makes me more intentional. I am working to figure out how to keep this perspective as I regain more energy.
I went to Europe and Israel with my camp. It really changed my view of the Middle East and the rest of the world as well. Also by traveling with my friends I became much closer to them and had an amazing experience.
Hurt my foot running. Was resentful at first. Jealous of others who were not hurt and could still run. Since I could bike without pain, I did. Rediscovered my love of Mt Biking.
I went to a party in the desert recently, and I learned a lot about myself. I found myself codependantly relying on my loved ones and community, with unreasonable and uncommunicated expectations that they hold me and catch me when I am not doing well. I was bad at radical self reliance, and I'd like to get better. This resounds in my business decisions, financial planning, self care, and discipline/practice. I'm challenged by this new reality where I'm the one responsible for my wellbeing, and I take it seriously.
I’ve had a multiple encounter in Family identity and growth and all that I’ve seen in this past year. The development of my mental and physical state has allowed myself the deep-in my roots with my marriage with my partner that has made a significant positive change in my life that is help support my growth as a man that I am
In January, my precious three year old Evelyn was diagnosed with POLG related mitochondrial depletion disease. It has been the most devastating year of my life but the worst is knowing that many worse years are to come. Her doctors say she will regress and eventually start having seizures and organ failure, and that this disease is incompatible with life in the long term. I can't live without her and I don't even know how to live with the knowledge that someday I may have to.
Our son left town for college. I still am not sure of how to feel about this. Grateful, yes. Also worried?
Election night was probably the most impactful and significant experience of this past year for me. I went into that night fully expecting it to end with the first woman president. Instead, I ended curled up in a fetal position on my bathroom floor, sobbing so hard I ran out of actual fluid tears to produce. In that moment, I realized how much America hated women. It wasn't a startling revelation, but the true depth of their hatred was never so crystal clear as that night. I don't think I've spent a day since then without some degree of fear.
Buying the house was probably the most significant thing that happened this year, or will happen this year. It was such a roller coaster of emotions from start to finish. Everything seemed great at first, but then there was the hiccup with them not being able to use my income to qualify us. All throughout the process I was expecting something to go wrong. And then, the day before the closing, when they called and said they were still waiting on some piece of paper that could delay the closing, that freaked me out. Even when we walked out of the closing with keys in hand, there was a certain amount of uncertainty. I'm just so glad to be done with it all. Even with a little bit of buyer's remorse, I think it was a good decision for our family, and I'm excited to continue living and enjoying this house.
The election of Donald Trump has shaken me. I feel constantly exhausted by the continual hysteria. I'm an introvert, I get recharged by quiet - chaos exhausts me and this year has been continually chaotic. On the other hand, I had an extraordinary experience this summer - returning to sleepaway camp for the first time since being 17 in 1972. As the Director of Jewish Life and Learning, I found the summer extraordinarily recharging - which was especially important to me after the psychic chaos of the year.
Terrified about the trump election, the state of the world, divisiveness and lack of kindness and reason. Learning how to step up and be seen, use my privilege to create noise and change.
Donald Trump was elected president. I was hurt, horrified, mystified, shocked, disappointed,disgusted, sickened, ashamed, revolted... His election definetly makes me look at the United States in a way I never have, but I don't think the country has changed. It's more like the veil has been lifted and I'm seeing it and all of its ugliness. There is much good too, but I think that is more a people thing than country. I always thought we were the best country in the world and I was so proud to be American, but really since 9/11, as I've learned more of the seedier parts of our history, I doubt everything I've believed about America. As much as Barack Obama represented the America I believed we could be, his election seemed to give bigots permission to be openly and unapologetically racist. Hillary Clinton's almost successful bid for president gave mysogynists permission to"grab her by the pussy," to quote our commander-in-chief. I'm not angry or depressed anymore. I see things differently now and the United States has become very tiny in my worldview. And, I'm good with that. But I am proudly part of the resistance!
Traveling to Europe: specifically Italy this summer was an extraordinary experience. Reconnecting with a precious friend in Venice was deeply moving. So much beauty, I had forgotten. How can I create more of that in my day to day life? I want to live for the joy of it, as I did in Italy. That's what I'm working on this year.
I moved out of the 5 bedroom suburban home where I raised my now 24 year old son, had my professional psychotherapy practice, and watched my husband of 24 years pass away, and relocated to a 1554 square foot apartment in the city. I am indeed relieved to have the stress behind me. I am indeed grateful that I had the resources--both financial and professional--to facilitate this transition with very few sacrifices or compromises. I am exhausted by change and sadness about so many losses, though I recognize how fortunate I am that I still am safe, healthy, and sheltered. I am hopeful, but fearful, about having some better times ahead. I am longing for another chance at a loving relationship.
I resigned from my job of 4 years yesterday and have 3 months to find myself. I'm scared and relieved at the same time.
I won my first murder trial as the first chair attorney, saving a young man's life. I am now officially a murder attorney and have the respect of my colleagues. I am very grateful to be doing the work I dreamed of doing. I am relieved that we got the right verdict. I carry the inspiration from that win so that I remember the successes when the job seems hard.
I became godfather to Madison Cooper. I felt very honored. It inspires me to be a better person to set a good example.
I began the year on a search for purpose, looking for deeper meaning in life and most importantly, a deeper understanding of the universe around me. As I worked through the year, each experience peeled away layers of my external facing mask, culminating in the ultimate discovery of what I'm meant to do. But how I'm meant to do it is still a mystery. I've come to learn finding ones purpose is only half the equation - implementing and living one's purpose each day is another step in the process.
A good friend decided she wanted to drop if my life in s fairly dramatic way. At the start, I was sad, nervous, angry. In the past few weeks, I’ve become relieved and grateful that this change is happening. We’ll see what happens next.
In early December 2017, my 7 year old son and I got a dog. Not a dog, a puppy. He had been asking for a dog since he was 3 years old, and, to teach him the lesson that if he asks for something long enough, he'll get it (haha); I finally relented. Having a dog has affected me more than I realized. I love her more than I thought I would. She makes me madder than I thought she would. The two of them fight more than I thought they would. I did the math of getting a dog when he was still on the younger side of being able to help and care for the pooch in relation to knowing this dog will eventually die; and I didn't imagine I'll want to have a dog when I'm empty nesting. And now she's in our lives. And now I have to think about her death. Sometimes I do resent her presence, the extra burden of work she presents. And sometimes I just accept her as a member of the family. I'm more intensely confronted with my views as animals as less important beings than humans. I hate when my son mistreats her, because I see her as so vulnerable. I didn't imagine getting a dog would be so life-changing. But it is. She has changed our lives.
My wife and I celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary in August, and I went to my 50th college reunion in June. It is humbling and surreal to think back 54 years! I was surprised at the college reunion how very quickly my Sigma Chi brothers and I bonded back as if we had only left for summer break. One old pal and I have already planned to spend time together when he and his wife come down to Hilton Head. The even bigger deal was 50 years of marriage. It was dicey getting this planned as my wife seemed reticent over the extreme work and notable costs involved in bringing people from 12 states or so together. But it was worth it. The keynote was when my old Waiting Crew buddy showed up with his guitar and we repeated the serenade the 2 of us did 51 years ago when my then-fiance who graduated a year ahead of me came back for a visit. I am a hopeless romantic and many people cried during my over the top gesture of romantic love for Lezlie my sweet. She admitted in the end it was worth it all. We are battling some health issues now, but the glory of that special celebratory time can not be erased. I have that in my heart forever. 4 of my 5 groomsmen including best man all made it. Also, my 4 college Sigma Chis and I all married women we met on campus ... and we are ALL still together. That is a point of great pride.
This year my ex husband attacked me brutally. physically and emotionally I was shattered and could barely get out of bed, the depression was overwhelming. I am grateful that he is not in my life anymore. I am angry that he is still attempting to bully me through our precious children and yet I am hopeful for a better future. I look forward to next year being unmarried
Graduated with my MSN and passed my A-GNP boards. I am so much more relaxed and happy. I am so grateful it it over! I am so ready to begin my new future.
I graduated from dental school in Omaha, NE and started practicing dentistry outside of Nashville, TN. It was a time years and years of hard work in the making. Blood, sweat, and tears (all literal) went into my becoming a dentist, and I knew that the transition from dental student to dentist was going to be another one of the toughest changes in my life. So I had so many emotions surrounding this change... Relief, gratification, inspiration, exhaustion, hopefulness, hopelessness, responsibility, fear, excitement... So many feelings.
My oldest grandson graduated from high school and I was able to see all the family and friends that helped him along the way. I live a thousand miles away. I was inspired by all the love for him we shared that day. It really does take a village today.
I left active duty military after serving for over four years. I've found myself still abiding by regulations and standards even though they don't apply to me anymore. I forget that I'm allowed to paint my nails or to wear earrings. I'm happy to be able to see my family more and watch my kids grow. Even though I'm happy to be done with that part of my life, I miss it. I miss my friends and the culture and the feeling of doing something bigger than just myself. I will forever be grateful to the Army and what they've done and will do for me in the future.
I got a new job. It's been great. I am so grateful. I am grateful for my good luck. I am grateful for what Robyn has done to make it possible and the encouragement she has given me. I feel amazingly lucky to have this job. I so like the work I am doing and the people I work with.
Being responsible for the youth leadership retreat has made me feel responsible and worthwhile, like I'm doing something good that benefits the world. It's made me feel useful, impactful, respected, needed and also optimistic about the future leaders. It's also made me pretty down that the space we're creating for their future is now in my own past.
I decided to resign from my job after nearly 8 years and a few states later. It helped to clear my mind, it was something I had been thinking about for a long time and it just became time. I was taking my stress out on my daughter and was not being present for her, bringing home work and taking it out on her. I also had a boss who I did not connect with, nor trust or look up to or respect, which is something I was not used to with my beloved company I worked for. Time had run its course and I ran out of patience and know my worth and also did not want to resent my situation, time to move on and make a change! I am both grateful and relieved for different reasons. Grateful for the experience and opportunities I was given and the money I made and was able to save so I was able to quit. Relieved because my daughter needed ME and the change is night and day! I am not sure about inspired, I need a jolt I am stuck deciding what move to make next.
One of the most significant experiences was when I returned to my host family in Jogja, Indonesia after spending two months exploring other parts of Indonesia and learning the language. I felt so grateful for everything that they did for me when I stayed with them, and given my increased language experience, I was finally able to show my gratitude a bit more. For me it felt incredibly groundbreaking to be able to do this, but in retrospect I didn't really perceive that my family found me to be any different despite "being a bit fatter" and speaking Bahasa. This affirms how being able to express gratitude though a smile, through the way you act, through spending time with people, through just being present and kind, is very powerful. Having lived with many host families throughout the past few years, one of the biggest things I have struggled with is the feeling of guilt that occurs when people open up their homes and hearts to me and I feel like I cannot reciprocate. This memory is a beautiful reminder that instead of despairing that it is very unlikely that I will be able to return the favor in a similar way due to the price of plane tickets, immigration barriers, the fact that the programs I went on discouraged me from gifting, etc., I need to instead focus on my ability to fully engage with the people who house me, moment by moment, and express my gratitude in more subtle ways. Two of the things that my instructor, Micah, said that really stuck with me were: "when you travel, you always take way more than you will ever be able to give back," and "the biggest gift you can give someone is your time." I will probably never be able to live in someone else's home and not feel some form of guilt for using their resources and being somewhat burdensome, but at least I can channel this energy into something more positive and actively just be a good human and connect with them on as deep of a level as possible.
I was in Saskatoon renting a shitty apartment, hating my job, feeling lost and my old friend, depression, paid me a visit. This time, instead of pretending it wasn't happening, I called my sister. She got on a bus, with her baby, and came to visit. My parents showed up the next day to pack my apartment. My friends showed up the next weekend and moved me back to Calgary. I am relieved to be back in the city that feels like home. It's been one year, almost to the day, since I moved back. It was a lesson in how fast a year can pass. I don't know if I lived up to my potential over the past year. It was definitely a tough one.
Going to the Sherlock Convention last year, making many good memorys and reminded me that experiences are worth more than pocessions. I'm grateful for the chance, but aslo wish I had met with more friends who were also at the convention. I know how I'd do it differently another time.
This year I started a committed relationship for the first time since ending my engagement in 2013. It's wonderful and terrifying and beautiful and difficult. I'm so grateful for my partner and the love he gives me. I'm so proud of myself for finally being healthy enough to love someone again. I'm so relieved to know that my heart still works. I can't wait to see what the future brings.
we have two new grandsons and a third grandchild on the way.. it has been amazing, inspiring to see the girls as mothers of two and exhausting as Tita but absolutely the best.
Pregnant and got laid off
I lost my grandmother this year. I was so grateful to have been prepared for it. While it was quite painful, it was not the indescribably more intense pain of losing a young person suddenly. I miss her terribly but her loss is so much softer than losing my ex boyfriend. Attending the funeral was such a cathartic experience though. I've been unable to attend the funerals of my other grandparents or even my ex. I got the closure I needed with the support of so many family members.
I found out my father's health has gotten worse and the specter of his passing has become more real and more immenent. This has made me anxious and reflective. Anxious because of the unknown status of his future; will he be with us for a couple of more weeks or several months or more? Reflective because I think of his life, what it means, and where am I with my life, what I've done, who have I touched. What difference have I made? How will I be remembered? Have I connected with enough people or deeply enough? May this next year be meaningful, may I make my time worthwhile, my contribution valuable. My connections more impactful.
The birth of my baby boy and getting to know him these past 5 months. Realizing I have capacity to do so much more than I had ever realized. So grateful. So lucky. So many blessings.
My girlfriend was diagnosed with cancer, she had surgery and recovered. Slowly. I'm grateful for our medical system and inspired by her determination to get back to "normal". I'm also relieved we found it in time.
The first thing came to mind was the election of the 45 president and how the next day students in our college were so frightened..it was eerily quiet. No smiles, lots of tears. I've never seen or experienced anything like it. For a time I was angry at the people that voted for him but it has motivated me to get involved by marching, volunteering and doing all i can to stop the political madness that has hit this country.
I got married this year, it was actually a difficult process, not the saying yes, that bit was easy! But you discover a lot about yourself and your husband in the lead up to the wedding. I realised my husband and I don't process information in the same way, let alone big organisational tasks. We argued more than we ever have before, and it was tough, but ultimately we came to a better understanding of each other and how we each like to work on projects. He needs a detailed to-do list, whereas to get to the place where a to-do list can be created I believe you need to look holistically at a project to understand how all the parts fit together. The wedding itself was a truly wonderful day, although my advice to any bride is not to have too many expectations, things will go wrong and it will still be ok, things went wrong on the day and it was still wonderful. Also, for me, it was so unhelpful for people to tell me that it would be the most amazing day of my life. It was, but being told to expect it made me question whether I was having 'the most amazing time of my life, ever'. Only when I stopped questioning did I relax and have the best time ever! Lastly, perfection can never be achieved. I have very high expectations of myself and others, and I guess I can be described as a perfectionist. In planning this wedding I have had to learn that perfection is not achievable. I am striving to be content with what I have and who I am, but it's really hard, it's a daily struggle.
My son was diagnosed with albinism in March. Our whole family has been profoundly affected. First I felt grief -- for a long time, grief. It was hard to get comfortable with that sadness, because I am so aware that many parents deal with far more dire diagnoses, and I trust that he will have a good, long, and happy life, full of possibilities. Nonetheless, an unknown, possibly severe vision impairment and other, related challenges are not what one hopes for one's child. For weeks, maybe months, when I looked at him, instead of feeling joy and hope, I felt grief. Six months later, I am more able to see the special abilities and delights of his condition, at least now and then. His sensory compensation is magical. He is shockingly beautiful, with his white hair and porcelain skin. And I am changed: I am newly, very deeply aware of the ways our culture and our world are built on ableism, and what a struggle it is to be included and respected as a person with a disability. I am reminded daily that difference is a challenge, especially such visible difference. I am afraid for his safety as he grows and becomes more mobile. But I am grateful for what I've learned about boundaries, how I've learned to talk to strangers more clearly and in ways that protect my family better. I'm grateful for having my eyes opened to our culture's intense prejudices against the disabled. And of course I am grateful for the spectacular gift of being his mother. What a joy.
I finished 2 years of CPE residency with specialties is palliative and pediatric care. This experience of reflection and reviewing my practice allowed my to address my fears, my pain, and allowed me to grow as a person of faith.
My grandson was born, and became my responsibility. I am grateful, because I love him. However, I am resentful that he is my responsibility. I will do anything to keep him safe, but am enraged that it has become my job.
I didn't get to do driving lessons. I passed the assessment, but they won't see me until I get state funding (they won't even let me know about any alternate funding options/ self pay). The disability services happened to be reorganized into unemployment services and had funding changed at the same time. My case workers there have been nothing but helpful and understanding. I am going into an appointment with my temp case worker tomorrow. I do not have a copy of the st david's order and am worried they won't send a copy to the case workers/ talk to me since it's been a year. The OT pretty much said to me all outher autistic people she sees have carers. They are not used to talking directly to a disabled person like me and have been very unhelpful. I am trying to not hate myself. I know I am doing everything in my power. However being in America, even in a city with public transportation, is very limiting when you don't know how to drive. I can't meet up with friends whenever. I can't look for jobs/ a life in other cities because I have no way to get around. This is something that idiot teenagers can do without help, so obviously I'm the one with a problem. I have been trying to make this work for two years. I have inadvertently put my life on hold to learn to drive. I know that this is not my fault. I have always done the best I can. When I was a little girl, no one took into consideration that the way males and females are socialized could effect how autism presents itself so I was not diagnosed until the summer I left for college. No one knew the way my brain was built was why I had a hard time learning to drive, so no one knew I needed special help. I fought hard to get the right diagnosis. At one point my mom, my biggest supporter, told me I was being a hypochondriac for bringing her article after article on this or that possible mental illness/ developmental issue. I've had to fight hard for every inch of support I've needed. I've often gone without support and have had to push forward, centimeter by centimeter, on my own. I know the fault isn't with me and that I'm doing everything I can. Without much forward momentum (and with living at home at thirty with two degrees) it is very hard to believe anything but this: I am the one who is wrong, I am beyond help. I waver between being very angry at the way things are stacked against people with disabilities and at being very angry with myself. At hating myself for the way I was born. I wish I could love myself more.
My son being diagnosed with Autism. It has changed our family life and the relationship with my spouse. I think for the better but totally stressful. I am grateful that things aren't worse. He is healthy and sweet and funny and hard.
I started therapy and it has been both incredibly difficult and incredibly helpful. I am learning that it's okay to have and show emotions, even negative ones. I am learning to take better care of me and ask for what I need. I'm grateful I can do this work.
I left my lover of 20 years and moved across the country. We just never "clicked" as partners. We are still best friends and speak at length with each other on the phone every few days. But I miss her. And I miss many things about the life I left. While I now live near my son and daughter-in-law, I only have one friend nearby. And now that I'm living alone for the first time in my long life, I'm tend to be lonely and, as a result, very depressed. On the other hand, I have taken on the greatest opportunity of my live--the chance to find myself, which is something I missed in my past life of "getting and spending," and trying to meet what I considered to be the expectations of others. I'm lucky to finally get to this phase of my life. Better late than never.
I had cataract surgery on my left eye in December 2016. I have always been afraid of anything affecting my eyesight and limiting my ability to see, to read, to experience sights and to play. The left eye was affected so much that it needed to be done. Now I am procrastinating on having the surgery on my right eye. My eyesight is not better as I also have astigmatism that affects the focus. I sometimes see double and periodically need to squint to focus while driving. Once done there is no going back to what it was and maybe no repairing (as my mother found out the hard way).
Attending the Women's March last January in Washington, DC has inspired me in low moments ever since, for the most part. Just seeing the wide variety of people in attendance buoyed me, and the memory of sheer number of people there helps me remember that I'm not alone in the fight against racism, anti-Semitism, narrow-mindedness, selfishness, cruelty and greed.
The election. I felt I was stuck in a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from and it still feels that way. It also made me go into distress labor, lasting for the next 5 days. I am so thankful that my baby was born healthy and totally oblivious to the shock and disbelief of the rest of the world and that I recovered rather quickly and easily from an emergency C. And so grateful that her beautiful presence in my life helped me from sinking into an ongoing depression about the state of the world.
The most significant experiences: New York City. Wandering the city alone, feeling not alone at all, but liberated. Learning to be honest, and that I am capable of love, because of the best of friends (or maybe just who I am now). Being in New York has stripped me down to a new level of honesty, both with myself and with others (it's a journey, more than something I've just accomplished, and requires a struggle every day). I'm incredibly grateful for who this program and the summer have helped me to become, and I'm happy to be on this trajectory -- but it's caused a ton of anxiety about what is next. It sparked something wonderful in me, though, and I'm ok with exploring what that means --- sans answers. Donald Trump was elected, too, and I can't even begin to write about that right now. I'm learning a lot about strength.
I've started to recognize crazy quicker and dodge situations that seem like they could become intolerable. Admitting it is hard though, I twist it and think "this is me giving up, not stepping up" and it's not - it's be standing up for what I am willing to put up with. And it's ok to set boundaries, as unfamiliar as that is. I can do it!
I faced a bit of a crisis with an ongoing health condition. I essentially hit rock bottom and had to climb my way back. It made me more aware of my body, how I treat it, what goes in it and how I feel. In the end I was inspired to do more, do better, improve on me.
I packed up all of my stuff and moved to Portland, Oregon by myself. I mean, I was moving there for school anyway so that didn’t really matter but I was scared. I had never done something like this before and I don’t know why I decided to do it in the first place. I guess that I was just bored with life and wanted to see what else was out there. I am definitely grateful because I had the balls to do it but I’m also a little depressed, even a year later. I miss my friends and I feel like they are forgetting about me and that makes me so sad.
I signed up to become a Profit First Professional, and paid $4000 up front for it. I got really really excited, then anxiety ground it into the ground. I've wanted to give up on it a bunch. I'm now at the place of trying to keep studying it and following their suggestions, while also staying closely connected with my internal guidance.
My husband and I moved into our newly built inlaw apartment. Our daughter, son-in-law, and grandson moved into the main house. It brings me joy and relief. It was a great effort to make it happen.
I visited Portland, Oregon and fell in love with the city. Someday, I hope I can move there and buy a three bedroom, two bath house. I felt inspired by the beauty of the city.
Midlife crisis which included near relapse into alcohol. I am grateful that it happened because it initiated great changes in my life. It has been difficult.
My mother flew with me to Switzerland to attend her great-grandson's bar mitzvah and celebrate her 99th birthday! It was not an easy trip, as I had the responsibility of getting her there and helping her with every aspect of our visit. However, although it was difficult for her and she had to depend on me a lot, she amazed everyone there with her ability to "keep up" with all the activities. We also spent some very quality time, just taking a walk and talking, which we never do in our daily lives. I was so happy to see her enjoy the outdoors and relax. Back home she never seems very happy but on this trip, she seemed to really enjoy the experience. It will probably be her last trip, but I'm so glad she made it. I must say I'm relieved that she got through it and I'm also inspired by her strength to push herself to do something that meant so much to her.
My friends group of girls, minus one, completely alienated me over a misunderstanding and miscommunication. There was a group trip I was disinvited from which started the whole thing. I felt a great deal of sadness, disbelief, distrust, and pain. I was never so blind sided in my life. After some time, a few of us discussed what happened and amends were made. Since then, I've seen the group twice. I haven't spoken to them much since those times, but I always tried to make an effort to show that i am still invested in the friendship - trying to make plans. It wasn't/isn't reciprocated, but they all still get together frequently (thank you snapchat). I tell myself that i shouldn't let it bother me, that I'm in a different place in my life than they are, but i cannot help but feel betrayed by them. I do feel resentment because i still don't have an explanation as to why they continue to block me out from gatherings even after they've apologized for what transpited and agreed that we all need to try harder. I'm at the point where i give up on finding out the answer, but i think about it almost every day. Losing one good friend is hard enough, i lost 5.
The election. I still can't quite comprehend the reality of a Trump presidency and the implications this could have on the future of our country/world. The last 8 years seemed like a movement in the right direction in terms of empathy towards other people-especially in terms of race, sexuality and other diverse/minority communities. Instead, I think the election was a reminder of just how far we still have to go. Just how divided this nation is. To be honest, I'm scared. Instability, bigotry and ruthless self-interest are pushing a dangerous agenda for our country. I'm nervous to come back to this question next year.
I was able to take the whole year off from traditional work and just be.
Anastasia died by suicide, and it shattered my brother's heart, and thus, mine. I still cry whenever I think about it, and I feel helpless when it comes to supporting him. So I do trivial things like buy him socks and bring him spaghetti, and hope these little acts ease his days a tiny bit. I thought time would heal my pain, which is nowhere close to his, but it's been 5 months and I realize I may need someone to talk to. I have an appointment set up with a grief counselor in a couple of weeks.
Over the course of the past year I have had several significant expereinces that range from traveling to Italy to graduating college. Graduation day was quite possibly the most bittersweet day of my life so far. I experienced a wide range of emotions from pride in myself for being the first member of my family on my fathers side to receive a college degree, to fear of what lies ahead, and sadness because I was moving on from the place that had become such a huge part of my life over the past four years. While i am dissapointed to not be there now I cannot be anything but grateful for the experiences that UMass has provided me and all of the amazing people I have met along the way.
I listened to my immigrant friend's story of how FGM was done to her as a child. As she explained it to me, it was as if she was coming to terms with the idea that this type of treatment is considered abnormal, with negative connotations here (in Europe). She told me there was only one girl she knew growing up that had not had it done to her. It changed my life, to have her trust me enough to tell me this. I feel burdened and grateful. I know I can't just keep going on in my life, as if nothing happened.
In February, I fell and broke my ankle. Because I live alone, I had to walk on my foot immediately. Somehow I was able to care for myself and my ankle continued to heal. I contacted friends and acquaintances, and found people to drive me everywhere I needed to go. As an independent person, I just asked and people came. It was interesting that I was able to let others take care of me. Because I kept "moving" my healing only took 6 weeks and I was back on my way. Another few months and the pain went away. Now my ankle is stronger because I kept moving and did not allow the break to overtake my life.
It's been an òdd year since Brenda died. The first 6 months were amazingly positive but the last 3 have a real struggle. Depression has hit hard. But the most significant event this year was very positive. I had a weekend away with my sister in June to see Alfie Boe and Michael Ball in concert in Lincoln Castle. We had the best weekend. We got on really well. The weather was great. We shopped, walked, went to the Cathedral and had a boat trip. The concert was amazing, and amazing atmosphere. Best seats in the house. I am so grateful, I felt connected to her. ... and I genuinely didn't care that she didn't like my tattoos!!
I became homeless & lost 95% of my belongings due to a Brown Recluse Spider Bite on the side of my left foot. I wasn't found for 6 days & almost died & there were plenty of time's that I wished I were dead after losing my home of 20+ year & my job of 20+ years. I never lost my Faith in Yahweh though. I finally after over a year have an apartment that is being paid for by a homeless program and the PGE too while I wait on my Disability Hearing since September 2017, just glad I have a Lawyer for that.
In the last year, I climbed Mt. Shlomo in the Negev Desert. It was a difficult experience, but a fulfilling and spiritual one as well. As a group (NFTY group), we did it together and talked about taking life in one moment at a time. It was very relaxing and inspring. I was so grateful for the opportunity to do this and learn from it. I was relieved when I got to the top because it took so much effort to get up. I loved it and would do it all over again.
I think it was March 11th when I realised my boyfriend has been lying to me compulsively, without remorse, consideration, or care. It was that one god-awful photo of her in that god-awful orange shirt, followed by the same women in a white nightie that looked identical to the one he'd bought me weeks earlier, that made the penny roll down and drop into place. Everything I had been too scared to believe was true - that I could love another human being like I did, they could love me back, that I really and truly had a future with this incredible human being, that I wasn't destined to be alone for the rest of my life - actually wasn't true. I was right to be distrustful. I want to scream at that girl in London and tell her to stop, but I'm screaming through the thick glass of history and she wouldn't hear. I'm tempted to write about this all over again, about the lies upon lies upon lies upon lies. The gas-lighting. The repeat offences. The complete inability to acknowledge the hurt he caused. And my disdain for myself and letting him back into my life. But it's been 6 months, and I need to put it behind me. How did it affect me? It tore me apart, from my insides to my outsides. I have never been disemboweled like this by anyone or anything. I had no idea that human beings had the capacity to be as horrible and cruel. So so cruel. I honestly thought I'd die of natural causes, the grief was so horrific. But I am going to be ok, because I have to be. I have extracted my revenge - I've told people around him about what happened, so that they now look at him in a different light (something that would pain his pride immensely), and I will never feel the way about him that I did. To have the love and adoration I gave that man taken away - what a punishment. He'll get that only once in his life and he destroyed it. Sucks to be you, Steven. And now I must close the vault for one last time, and move on, inch by inch.
Trump elected. Destroyed my faith in the majority of Americans being good people. Destroyed my faith in polls. I am appalled. I am SO resentful of everyone, especially Bernie Bernies, Libertarians, Hillary Haters who didn't do anything to help defeat this monster. Complicit. I realize this ain't spiritual, but it's honest answers to the question.
I suffer from depression, but with the exception of a couple of major depressions in my 20s, it's usually short, manageable episodes. Last winter was my first very dark winter living far north. The lack of sunlight triggered a terrible depression. I thought I was worthless and despised. I was on the verge of suicide. Then spring rolled around, the sun came back and I recognized that my thoughts had been delusions. Even though I'd been through crushing depression before, this was the first time I truly realized that this disease puts lies into your head. I'm overwhelmingly relieved and grateful that I survived, and that my kids made it through living with me. I'm armed with new wisdom and am prepared, with medication, for the dark winter that now approaches.
The election of Donald Trump has caused much angst. It will take many generations to undo the damage Trump has caused- and it's only 8 months into term. History will make the Trump years as ones of hate, discord, shame, and lies. How did this experience affect me? Well my life really hasn't changed. However, the election of Donald Trump has instilled fear in millions of other people. Sad days ahead.
Attended the wedding of someone who was once one of my closest friends. It was a good time, and it was great to see him happy. But there's lots of cause for reflection, too. Some old friends I see regularly, some I don't. Some have stayed the same - and some of us continue to draw new friend groups that fit in with the old. But this friend is different - his current community - and the person he is within that community - is entirely different from the person who became my friend in high school. It's not a case of good or bad, grateful or resentful - it's just something that is.
I was diagnosed with leukemia. I was certainly in shock, and depressed. I didn't go through the "why me?" phase, but I did have a lot of different emotions: fear, anger, shock, depression, loneliness. Then, just as I thought that I was finally feeling empowered, I lost my dog, my family to a brain tumor. I honestly didn't think I could have felt lower than I did when I got my diagnosis, but now, it seems like my whole world has crumbled around me.
My father passed away after 93 years of life. He held the family together. When it was evident the end was near I couldn't believe it had come so quickly. I was grateful He was my father, he saved my life from what could have been an unpleasant childhood! He adopted me 💕 And loved me until his very last breathe.
I have recently moved to France. Not only is it my first time moving out of my parents' home, it's my first time moving to a different country! It's my first time in France, in general!! I was very nervous before coming, and on my first few days here, and missing my family and friends, worried about the language (which I don't speak that well yet). But I've been here over a week now and so far... everything's going well! I am grateful for this opportunity, because I definitely wouldn't have done this by myself if it wasn't for the university and the assistants programme. I'm looking forward to new experiences that this will bring!
I had triple bypass open heart surgery! Made me appreciate my loved ones and life itself. I am grateful for the success and recovery of my surgery and recovery and good health. I am relieved and inspired to live life to the fullest and love my wife, family and friends.
There has been a lot of defining and redefining who I am in the past year. After deciding to move to Perth, live together with Rahul, and leaving the stability of my full-time job, I really had to grapple with the questions of "who I am", "what values do I bring" and "what kind of work do I want to give to the world?". Sometimes I am resentful that I have to be the one struggling with all of the questions at the same time, for having my life uprooted and my social system disbanded, but I quickly came to myself every time and I realized: - That I am grateful to be given the space to discover these questions and given the opportunity to take my time to answer them - That I am grateful to have Rahul as my partner, who has taken the commitment to support and stand beside me, even though I know it gets difficult for him too - That I am grateful to have this blank space to rewrite, recreate and redraw again my future by taking into account not just what's important to me, but what's important to both of us as a family. Specifically, I am grateful that we continue to fill up the year with memories: - Traveling to Sydney, Melbourne, Esperance, Scone and Malaysia again; around food, friends, and family. Rahul is my best partner in crime in all of these and I'm counting my lucky stars to have him in my life in all these moments. - My brother getting married and getting to know my new nephew. I'm grateful for getting to spend quality time with my parents, family and my nieces and nephews. I am grateful for being able to continue to have the flexibility and resources to spend the time with them despite my uncertainties around work and income. - Working hard and working through life goals that cement our commitment to each other. Like registering our relationship, finally submitting our visa application, and weathering through storms of our relationship even when things get difficult. In short, although it has been a tumultuous year, it was also a year of getting to know Rahul more as a partner and as we live together, a year of continuous discovery of the joy and surprises of finding out who we are as a person and who we are together, and I'm most grateful for Rahul for always making me smile, making me laugh and making me believe that we can make our dreams come true no matter how difficult.
The election and its fallout has defined the last year. No question. It makes me feel sad, angry, hopeless. It did inspire me to start a tiny contribution to the resistance, and I've started doing things here and there with the local Democrats. But it all seems like so little, against such a huge machine of eager and excited hate.
I lost my wallet. And some one brought it back to my house. It wasn't the act of losing it or getting it back it was me being able to accesses the situation keep my calm and embrace being ok with what I couldn't control and understanding that I'm human and I make mistakes . It depends on how I react to them that defines me. Money comes and goes . My person is something that's is a representation of me, myself and I and in the long run of my mother father friends family. Thank you god thank you life thank you higher powers for this feeling . And jose if your reading this next year. Your awesome. You did that 🙌🏽
A significant experience for me are key moments of being on the verge of breakup with my partner. It feels as though we are just cruising now and I cannot pick up my balls to end it. Soon we will get into an argument and it will occur. I'm bored, and it amazes me how you can love someone so much, then it can just fade away so fast. How do I know what type of person I can be compatible with long term, I thought I used to know and it would be obvious.
I think the most significant experience of the last year has to be the election of Donald Trump. It affects me daily. Multiple times a day. I sit here now tearing up with frustration, anger, confusion, feelings of desperation. Everyday I wake up and I try, try really hard to not get to where I am right now, scared. Ultimately I pray and I reflect that society itself has been through some pretty terrible things, this too shall pass.
Going to Mammoth on a ski trip with my dad and brothers was really significant. It was the first time that we all got to hang out together as adults and truly want to be in each other's presence. There was no significant others or spouses, just us. We all wanted to be there and get along. The fact that we were all adults, we each knew that if anyone was treated badly then we could take care of ourselves and get yourself out of there. We could go stay at a hotel or rent a car and drive home. Knowing that we weren't stuck made us all get along and be on our best behavior. It was really fun to be able to relate on such a level. I felt closer than I ever have them.
That is two fold - I both graduated from college and started my first post-grad job. An ending closely followed by a beginning. I have so many feelings about this. I'm grateful to be done and to be moving onto a job that I hope to be fulfilling and exciting; I'm deeply sad because I'm ending multiple chapters of my life at once and don't totally feel ready; I'm inspired by those around me who are so excited to do impactful work alongside me. I am relieved to be finished with undergrad but incredibly scared to grow up. Physically, so much declines after you turn 30. The unknown of the future is really scary sometimes and stressful, but also so exciting and calming. I met a man who is truly incredible, but we're in different places geographically and emotionally. I keep thinking, "oh no, if it doesn't happen now it never well!" But then I remind myself that I'm so young and there's so much time. Things happen for a reason, whether we force them to or not.
I bought a new house. It left me exhausted but grateful, and fearing being along in a big house.
I quit drinking alcohol. It hasn't really changed my life in a massively significant way. Little ways - I've lost weight and probably saved money. I'm a bit sharper mentally. But there hasn't been a grand sweeping significant change in my life. I guess it was just one of many excuses getting in the way of what I want to do with my existence rather than the main thing. Quitting booze just made me a little bit happier, but not completely happy. I suppose complete happiness is a big ask.
I am inspired to make some changes in my life. Last month I mentally told Los Angeles that it had 6 months to give me a reason to stay. I am seeking inspiration on where to go, or to stay. But there will no longer be a passively drifting through life here. Staying here will either be intentional, or I will find a new adventure.
My sister got married, I traveled solo to Germany and Amsterdam, rediscovering my love for traveling, anonymity, adventure, and history. I dove deep into politics and an activist-oriented mindset. I got a cat, I fell in love. I found vulnerability again, and acceptance and admiration and softness and warmth. I am finding my voice, again, but bigger.
A lot of things happened to me last year. I was working in a place where i considered not so well since working there was so stressful due to competetive coworkers and not so good ceo. But i was able to enjoy it in my own ways. Havving good times with friends. But as i was having a good with constant circle of friends, i didnt realized i was neglecting the one i was really once closed with. We fought and argued a lot of times and just recently he ended it to the point of developing anger towards me which im basically responsible of. I didn't realized how important he is and the memories we shared before. Weve been a lot. But now its pretty too late. I am still trying though to reach for him and reconnect again, but am not getting any respond from him. So i dont know. I guess he's moving on already. And there is no one to blame but me why we are in this situation.
I had my daughter Zion Linnea. Finding out her sex and meeting her was the best surprise I've ever had. Not only is she adorable but she has an energy about her that reminds me of the preciousness of life. I'm so grateful for her especially as a buffer to the sadness and all consuming grief I was in the year prior when my son died. I hope to grow and learn so much from her and myself through raising her.
A huge experience that I experienced was coming out as a gay man. I was married to a woman in the past, divorced years ago. I never felt totally right. At the age of 50 had my first date with a man. We hit it off, and it has been the best relationship in my life. And we got married. This has impacted me in a positive way. I was able to be free enough to tell my siblings and close friends. This was a powerful life event. I'm only sorry I never explored this side of myself sooner and that I denied my true feelings all these years. I am grateful to my husband. For the life we are creating. Tonight was his first Jewish service besides a few Shabbat dinner and Passover Seder at a friend's home. He enjoyed it.
Starting a new job at Convoy has been one of the most challenging and rewarding experiences of my life. When Kristen Forecki first asked me what it would take to lure me away from Napster, I told her it really came down to two things: 1) something I felt had a big impact and believed in, and 2) being surrounded by smart people I can learn and grow from and feel completely intimidated by (as the saying goes, you're only the sum of the average 5 people you hang out with"? I feel like I've gotten both of those things, and feel incredibly grateful - albeit terrified - of this opportunity. I'm scared of screwing up. Of disappointing people. Of not meeting expectations. And sometimes of trusting myself and my instincts. I'd like to work on spending less energy doubting myself and abilities, and pour more into focusing on making an impact and playing to my strengths.
Something significant that happened to me this past year is that I started college. I am somewhat grateful because I love the school and the people. I am uncertain about what I want to do about golf. There are a lot of cons and I don't know what i want top do about this out of fear of Michele. This is just unreasonable and I know that. I feel inspired I just am not acting on this passion that I have. I am extremely grateful to even be in a good school in the first place. I am excited to see where this path will lead me in regard to my future.
Death of a spouse is pretty significant. Freeing him from the grips of frontal lobe dementia lessens the pain. Grief is not nearly as overwhelming as I assumed it would be. Death changes everything, but after such a long time being a caregiver, death just seems like a release. I think I'm relieved that he isn't going through this anymore, but I miss him every day.
The election of Donald Trump. Personification of the devil. He poses an existential threat to the United States both internally and externally. His actions and words have terrified me and activated me politically for the first time in decades. His election plus the Republican majority in Congress, has frightened me and, although I hope I am wrong, feels like it could be like the beginning of Nazism in Germany around 1933-38. That's where he poses to the environment of the planet is also an existential one.
I realized that being on medications for ADHD, Anxiety and Depression was medically necessary for me, and that it was brave to admit this and pick up the phone and make the appointment. The anxiety and suicidal thoughts were becoming too much and I didn't want my husband, parents and especially my kids to have to pick up the pieces. I realized that I had so much to live for and it was worth fighting the battle every day! Going to that appointment was one of the toughest things I've had to do, and it was hard to work through all the questions and admitting my weaknesses and how chaotic my life had become, and how it was being a disservice to my family and to myself, and I deserved better. It's been three months, and I am already feeling so much better and have so much more hope, and I'm actually excited for the future! Yes, the anxiety and suicidal thoughts are still in the back of my mind, and I know they are things I will always need to fight against them for the rest of my life. But I can look back and see the progress, and now as a result, other health issues are being addressed, and while I know it will take time, I also have hope that I will be sleeping better and feeling better more and more each month!
My job ended in July. It removed so much stress and anxiety from my life. I am so grateful and relieved every day that I wake up. Grateful because I am alive and I Now understand that gratefulness, acceptance, and love are the reason I'm here. Relieved because I no longer have to deal with the negativity of that department.
I was diagnosed with basal cell carcinoma (skin cancer.) Chemo was painful and downright ugly. The dermatologist said that the therapeutic level of chemo was when my skin and underlying tissue looked like ground hamburger meat. It really made me scared about cancer in the rest of my body. I then had an ovarian cancer scare. It turned out not cancer but scar tissue/adhesions from my two c-sections and hysterectomy. They had grown around my colon and had my colon squashed and fused up against my left pelvic wall. It took them an hour to even find my ovary! I was, of course, relieved that it wasn't cancer. I do feel much better after the surgery, I didn't even realize that I had been feeling so poorly. My take-away from these experiences was a renewed sense of gratitude for being alive. The small things such as grocery shopping, lifting my 1 1/2 year old granddaughter, spending time with my family for even a few short minutes....they are all such tremendous gifts. These trials did bring into sharper focus my sense of my own mortality. I am inspired to do my best to be healthy and to actually spend my time on the important things.
I was laid off from my first real job. It was terrifying, and stressful, and I wouldn't say that I'm ultimately grateful for it, but it has allowed me to reflect a lot on what I want to be devoting my time towards and inspired me to embrace instability and hold out for spectacular. Remember that you're an awesome person, and you'll always be able to land an average job, so have the courage to strive for extraordinary, even if it means feeling uncomfortable for a time. Also, you have to make yourself happy and not cave into familial pressures to conform to certain standards of success.
Jemma and I both left our respective jobs to go travelling. It is long overdue and we are currently in the middle of it so haven't analysed it really. As usual we have put a lot of pressure on ourselves for it to be the best, butso far it has been amazing. I have been surprised that my feelings of anxiety have remained the same (not bad but there) even when I have 0 responsibility. Overall I am feeling this is a great opportunity to take time for myself and review my way of thinking and future plans. Hopefullly this will lead to a feeling of being inspired.
A complicated family situation that seemed hopeless turned into a win-win-win. I am so grateful. Maybe it won't stay fixed, but doomsday has been postponed.
My dad passed away very suddenly from a heart attack. I'm heartbroken but relieved he didn't suffer. I miss his special spirit everyday.
I finally completed my conversion to Judaism. It took a lot of time (2.5+ years), but it was so worth the wait. I've felt for a long time that I was Jewish, but the work and study I've done, as well as the conversations I've shared with my Rabbi meant everything. And now I can enjoy 5778 as a full-fledged member of the tribe.
I found out that I had not received a pay rise or a bonus when other staff had. It was hurtful as I believe I do a good job (so do they) and yet was not appreciated. It amongst some other matters happening has made me question my purpose here.
A significant experience that happened to me in the past year is that my truck got totaled by a tree at my apartment complex. I wasn't in my truck when it happened, but i was upset to see my truck in that state. That truck was my second vehicle and i ended up in 3 accidents in it and every time the fault was on the other drivers. I was grateful i never been injured in those 3 accidents and really grateful i wasn't in my truck when it happened. I was resentful of the apartment management because they said it wasn't our fault that the tree fell, they said it was the "act of nature". But in all i am glad i didn't get hurt and that my truck kept me safe for a couple of years.
Quit my job. Got a new one. Everything got better. Yay me!
I learned that my daughter is working in a highly risky and immoral industry. I was...am...crushed, disappointed, angry. She is 27, and even so, I wonder where I went wrong in raising her. Although the pain of this discovery is enormous, I have also looked back at her life and realized that she has put herself into risky situations since puberty. And this is not something that I ignored. I facilitated her entry into therapy, I listened to her, I did my best to help her find healthy outlets for her amazing spirit. I did the best I could. And in many ways, she is a wonderful, passionate woman. I pray that she will reflect on this most recent choice and decide to abandon it. Time will tell.
In the past year, I experienced getting a promise ring from my dad who isn't my biological dad. I never really knew my biological dad yet he tries to get in touch with me. This has affected me in a way that now I feel like I'm beginning to understand what it means to have a dad and what that relationship is suppose to be like. I am grateful for this family taking in my family for the past 11 years and being there for us when our blood family wasn't. I'm grateful because although I don't have my mom anymore, I have someone who sort of took her place and we are now starting an interdependent relationship on trust on honesty. I'm relieved that I have someone in my corner holding me responsible and showing me what it truly means to be loved unconditionally. I'm not resentful at all. If anything, I am more concerned with my siblings not being happy for me and saying negative things because they did't receive a ring. I am inspired to do this for my kids when I get older and get married and establish a relationship that is deeply rooted in the love of Christ.
I left the home I spent two years creating in Korea and I moved to Madrid. I am grateful for my time in Korea. I learned so much about myself, about Korean culture, and about relating to other people. Korea taught me the importance of sharing and the importance of respect, though I'm sure I still don't understand those two qualities as deeply as Koreans do. I'm so sad to leave my home in Daegu. I made so many friends there whom I won't be able to see often. And now I'm once again floating in Madrid with no roots, struggling to figure out how to grow here. But there is hope. Now I have a foundation for building a new life in a new city. I'm looking forward to this next year.
Minor mental breakdown/psychotic episode. I did feel grateful and mystical about it - Grateful for my family being there, for my quick recovery, for understanding and supportive friends. I have felt embarrassed, shook up, and plenty more. I still feel just as lost as before it happened, I still wonder if I haven't addressed the triggers for the experience. I still wonder if it might happen again. I sort of miss the thrill the experience gave me. The intensity of emotions, strong feeling of helping the world, being useful. But if those feelings were fabricated in the first place, I suppose they aren't much use to the world anyway...
I have started actively participating in Judaism for the first time in my life. I finally discovered a place that sounded like a good fit for me and I actually took the step to get connected. This opened up a whole new world for me. It changed my concept of God and challenged me to look at judgements of others that I have held onto for a long time. It forced me to look at myself and question my identity, both current and desired. It has allowed me at times to become more vulnerable and more present. It has created space for exploration and the possibility of being more comfortable with myself and letting go. I have explored many different services in this time. I have discovered some of what I do and don't like and connect to and have regular ways to do that. I am learning the prayers and songs. I don't feel like a complete ignorant beginner anymore. When I show up there are people who recognize me and are happy to see me. Although I don't belong anywhere yet, I do belong somewhere. I feel welcome and I feel like I'm in the right place for the first time. I feel grateful, relieved, and inspired to continue learning more.
Last 2016, I went through a very painful breakup from a long-term relationship. It was very, very tough and it affected all aspects of my life. I experienced almost all possible emotions getting through it, with some ups and definitely a lot of downs. I felt completely lost. I probably hit my lowest points throughout, but this journey taught me how to love myself. Now I can say I'm doing way better. I'm slowly balancing how I live, getting my act together, and slowly moving on to bigger things.
Every kid, teenager, adult, dreams of their owning their dream car. For a few years now I was one of those teenagers dreaming of owning my dream car. I knew what color I wanted, and how I would customize it once I had it. Then almost 2 weeks ago it happened. My family and I went to a few dealerships, we left each one with out a vehicle. Then we came to the final dealership of the day. We were all tired and ready to go home. We had a few obstacles come across and we were about to leave the dealership empty handed yet again. But I had a backup team consisting of my mother and my brother to convince my father to purchase this car I had been dreaming of for so many years. My father caved in and we started to file the paper work. I had been dreaming for about this moment for so long I almost didn't believe it was happening.There are no words to describe the feeling, I was getting my dream car. On September 9th, 2017, I finally got my Jeep Wrangler. Im so lucky and grateful to have loving parents.
В мае умерла от онкологии сестра Марина - это было огромным потрясением. Я была уверена, что она победит болезнь. За месяц до похорон моей сестры у меня диагностировали рак также. Это событие очень изменило меня. Моя жизнь изменилась. Как будто кто-то поставил мою прежнюю жизнь на паузу и включил новую. Тяжелый период. Но я не злюсь. Напротив это сделало меня добрее. Мир стал красивее. Я все ждала благополучного периода, чтобы стать мамой. Дождалась. У меня не будет детей. Мне уже сделали одну операцию в августе. Скоро предстоит следующая операция, которая окончательно решит меня возможности родить ребенка. Но это не решает меня возможности стать мамой для приемных деток. Были и другие новости. У моего брата родился сын. Моя мама мечтала о внуках, и теперь она счастлива. Также я спасла очередную кошечку. Теперь она живет со мной. Очень радовалась тому, что ей не пришлось ампутировать лапу. Она хромает, но лапа осталась целой. У меня новая работа сначала этого года. Я ей очень довольна.
I quit my dance troupe. It was a HUGE relief. I realized that what I wanted and what they wanted were different. And as a result, I was getting all the work piled on me and zero cooperation from the group, which was making me incredibly resentful. In addition, one of the members was constantly bullying me, and as someone who has PTSD from bullying, that isn't acceptable. And even when I spoke up about it, everyone said I was reading things wrong, being too sensitive, etc. And finally not putting up with that shit anymore has been SUPER nice. And finally other people NOT in the troupe have seen it and have asked me why she acts that way towards me, so now I know, too, that it ISN'T me being sensitive, I have been gaslighted... AGAIN.
I met residents living in a drug rehab who's story of abuse matched my own. I felt a mix of relieved and sympathetic
Oh man there are a few whether it was court, school or classes. But the most significant is love. I discovered what it feels like to love someone and to be loved by someone (and I'm forty!). Jewel and I met because she was my best friends girlfriend. Her and hit it off right away. We would secretly hope that we would be able to talk throughout the week. When she wasn't around I thought about her and when she was on the phone I didn't want to hang up. Her and him finally broke up but we knew already that we were going to pursue one another. I finally told him and him and I broke up but her and I are still together and are madly in love. She is so funny, smart, joyful, kind, thought provoking, and so beautiful that her sexy meter is pegged at its greatest capacity. My first love and the only love I ever want. No matter how many letters I command to crawl across this screen their formation can't recreate the beauty she brings to my heart and soul. So in short, the most significant thing that happened this past year was the universe finally delivered in my dream girl.
There have been 2 significant experiences in the last year. In January, we closed on our home! We are home owners! Well, we still owe $220,000 before we OWN it, but we own it. It's OUR HOUSE! I wish I could say it's our forever home, but as of now, I love it, and wile will be here for a while. I need to start some of my DIY home makeover ideas. The second experience... getting a positive pregnancy test. Then another, then 4 more. It was a rocky start. Thinking I was further along then getting bad news at the ultrasound... but everything turned out just fine and baby boy will be here in about 10 weeks.
I lost my partner, Nick. It's hard to even anticipate writing about without feeling flooded by emotions. It's been almost 10 months. I miss him. I still can't believe it happened, that he's gone. It feels impossible. I've said it enough times at this point, but I do believe the human brain can't comprehend gone–gone is outside of our experience. When I get flashes of recognition (similar to feeling like I can understand the size of the universe), knowing this doesn't make that realization any easier on my heart. The cadence the sadness hits me at has changed since December, but it feels the same. It hit me today as I was picking some angel cards. It made me wonder how it's possible that losing someone can create such a deep hurt. He was just a person. I am just a person. Who cares about us? And if no one cares, why bother allowing us to have so much pain. How is it possible that anything is so critical to my life that it can tear me apart in this way. And how the fact that it can must mean we're so tied together. I'd do anything to get him back. I'd give my own life. I was obsessed with finding a time machine, with thinking about how I could have saved him. Those thoughts have passed, at least in my conscious life. Now I have dreams where he doesn't love me anymore or where I know he's going to die and can't save him. Now I know I can't undo what happened, because I'm a different person–I can't go back to a time where my current self didn't exist. How could I be then with what I know now? Or maybe there's some cosmic rule that once enough things have happened in the world since the event, it would be too hard to undo. Sometimes I want to know why this happened. There is no answer that means anything to me. Strangely, I do feel less nihilistic though than I did before losing him. Maybe it's the power of the love I feel for him and the sadness I feel without him, the way nothing matters more than that, not even my own life. Or the love and support I've felt from other people. I have felt both the ferocity of my own life force burning, the way joy wants to cascade out of me in the same moment tears fill my eyes, and the way it is all meaningless without loving people. I have learned nothing matters as much as love. I'm not above it all–I have all the same challenges as I did before–but I do find it easier to come back to that. For that, sometimes stronger than I feel the shock and the horror, I feel gratitude.
I decided to have a baby on my own and after one unsuccessful IVF attempt I got a positive pregnancy result. I am very grateful and content as well as excited.
John took his own life. I feel like his loss has left a hole in my life that I didn't know could exist. While I'm not sure it would have changed anything, I hope he knew how much people cared and how much he was loved. I can't help but wonder how long he carried this option within him. Did he over hear any of our conversations on the subject over the years? How many people conceal this level of pain?
I stayed here the whole summer and did not travel to Aotearoa New Zealand to escape the heat here and to keep up my kiwi connections. It has been hard. The heat is terrible and caused me minor health problems like heat rashes but after much searching and experimenting I found a great lotion for my skin. I was very disciplined about walking with the dog in the early hours and eating a later breakfast at home after my prayers. Several times I realised that my presence was helpful and even necessary. Reinforcing that I made the right decision to stay here. So I am both grateful and a bit resentful since Alon's work accident has meant a lot of extra work. (Though I am keeping in mind many if not most women do more and for longer than I - perspective)
My Prince and I had our relationship made official by drawing up ourtestaments and cohabitation contract. Not as romantic as getting married perhaps, but our own decision. The actual signing of the documents was not as impressive as having to draw up your will, having to consider living without the other, dying yourself... If it wasn't clear enough before, this experience has shown me how much I love this man, and how much he must love me. And how very much we are loved by our families and friends, as shown by the well-wishings and flowers we received in abundance!
I had transferred to a new team at work, using new technologies I were (at the time) unfamiliar with, and being nearly completely detached from my previous team. The transfer process was a bit complex: for the first 2 months or so, I worked in an ad-hoc team, creating a special project for the workplace. After those 2 months, I transferred to an existing team, replacing on of their members (who had been, for 2 months, filling my vacant position - a 'trade' of team-members, if you will). My thoughts on the experience are ambivalent: on the one hand, because I was taken off a project where I had nearly complete knowledge of the material and the technologies, and into a project where I had, well, the opposite, I was terrified (still a bit am; the 'special project' is in maintenance, currently by me alone) for a long time. Leaving behind a large amount of beloved co-workers and a lax work environment, to join a team and a department where I knew only a handful of people and the work situation was much more organized, was also quite a shock. On the other hand, joining the new project and the new team(s) has taught me a great deal of new technologies and ideas, and correct work practices - which I have been lacking previously (hopefully not lacking them yet) - and improved me as a person. Though I'm still more comfortable around my old team, I'm slowly getting to know the new department and its people, and hopefully we'll become closer in the future. So, in short: somewhat grateful, a bit resentful as well (I won't lie).
Our store's volume was downgraded, and the entire chain did away with full-time sales people. I was downgraded to a part-time position. This means I no longer get vacation time or sick time, and I have to use my meager retirement account to pay for health insurance. This makes me increasingly worried about being able to maintain my healthcare relationships, obtain my medications, and deal with any expensive emergencies.
The "significant experience" that affected all of us -- globally -- was the election of Donald J. Trump. I am grieved, horrified, apprehensive, and deeply embarrassed for my country. I still can't fathom it. I struggle to listen to other voices, to be open-minded, to be hopeful. But it's a mighty hard slog.
I became Catholic. It was only a 26 year long journey to get there. I rediscovered God in a way that is more powerful than I could imagine. I am so grateful to have this new connection to the Lord and my family.
Started working at a new job. I am grateful, relieved, inspired, and still recovering from the psychological wear and tear of the last job. Yet, I am grateful for the friends I made, the experiences I had, and all that I learned.
Hurricane Irma - evacuating to Tampa and coming home to no power. Felt love of family, grace of those around me. Thankful, relieved that it is over. Fearful of another.
I left my job at Oakes Management. It was a difficult decision, required letting go of a dream's unrealized potential. I felt guilt and regret about the failure to become a worker owned coop. I poured a lot into leaving the place a little better than i found it and so the staff would have all the information I had gathered. It was in the end liberating/ relieving (esp to text all my tenants that I was no longer the PM) but also sad.
About a month ago, in August, my grandmother passed away. It had been sudden, yet expected. What had started out as pneumonia morphed into various ailments until she was in a coma. My father spent about a month with her before her passing and helped around the house. My sister went down to visit her as well, as was my grandmother’s wish. I, however, never got the invite. Nor did I want one. Since I was old enough to talk I had not gotten along with my grandmother, childishly nicknamed Mimi. On paper, she was an impressive woman. First female post master of Alaska, lung cancer and Katrina survivor, and stern Louisiana mother. But in person…I couldn’t stand her. She was obnoxiously loud and annoyingly self-centered, not to mention racist. One of my earliest memories with her consists of intense, red-faced, spit riddled yelling. She had invited me to play Operation and then blamed the buzzer going off on the iron supplements she was taking. Even my 6-year-old self could see through the lie and I wasn’t going to be played like a fool. What started as a simple impugnation turned into a board flipping argument that only ended when my mom had to forcibly remove me from the room. The next day we were slated to visit the Adam’s mansion in Quincy at her request. To retaliate further, I decided to eat my tickets on the way to the historical site. Piece by piece I slowly ate the hard, crunchy paper, washing it down with loathing and grape juice. Our relationship was always like two defensive featherweights, slowly circling each other, keeping our distance, and then throwing combinations intended to do damage. So, is it any surprise that standing over her coffin, I didn’t grieve for her. I never cried or asked why. In all honesty, I thought she treated my grandfather terribly, subjugating him to whatever she wanted. I was happy he was free from her tyranny. My grandfather can’t walk well so it has always been my job to give him an arm. Walking him down the church aisle was like a weird inversion of a wedding; a son giving away his grandfather to a dead bride. He braced against my arm while straining to fight tears. I still didn’t grieve for my grandmother, but my grandfather’s heavy eye lids being overrun tears elucidated something I hadn’t considered. I wasn’t there for the memory of my grandmother. I was there for him.
I completed my yoga teacher training in June! After a year of hard work, I was a bit burnt out on yoga and stopped practicing :( But, now in September, I'm jazzed up about it again. I'm doing more yoga and starting to put together systems to teach private yoga. Feeling inspired!
I finally launched my novel, Missing Tyler into the world. It was tremendous. A birthing experience. It took an amazing amount of work and then to watch the sales tick up, to finally be paid for my writing, was fantastic, humbling, incredible. The biggest feeling was the connection to my soul of finally being able to legitimately claim the title of author. I never realized how deeply I craved that. So many people were shocked that I'd written a book. It was like I'd revealed that underneath my Clark Kent exterior was Superman.
Since the most recent stolen election in the US, I have come to realize that only grassroots organizing will turn the tide now. Only with completely full and open hearts can we achieve a complete transformation of the human condition. It has been said that the next Buddha will be a collective. That collective is emerging now in many forms. May our heart inspired actions lead to a truly restorative and regenerative future.
Not so much an event but a process. My friendships and my significant relationships are reduced greatly over the past year. This has forced me to look at myself as an individual who I am and am I comfortable in myself and with myself and what do I want. I have had to spend a lot of time by myself doing things by myself being alone with myself . What I have found is that I am capable of this which is something I have feared my entire life, I have cried over the thought of being alone. I have struggled with attachment my entire life I am working at this it is a difficult process but I am more and more comfortable with this and find myself liking the idea of being by myself being in my own home being OK with my own thoughts and my own company. It's not a matter of being grateful or resentful it's a matter of still having questions inside of me I am still looking for something significant something bigger than myself that I can invest my energy in, this is a work in progress and I don't have an answer quite yet. Looking at last year's answer the jewelry box being stolen and house being broken into, it's a violation you don't ever get over I still cry when I think about the lost jewelry and what it meant to me it's a matter of attachment I know I have those people in my heart but somehow the material representation of them, being able to wear them on your body is something different I don't know about getting over it I don't know if I ever will the pain is a little bit less tears are still the same
I finally started a new mosaic, an image of Cali, Rachel's dog. It turned out really well, although right at the end the grout made it look bad, so I had to paint the grout. I finally took Mom's advice and got back to work, and it feels really good. However I still have a lot of insecurities to work through. A close second would be sticking with meditation for something like 4 months now. That feels really good and it is helping me so much to stay grounded.
A significant experience in the past year was the combination of turning 50 years old and getting surgery to address long-term ob/gyn problems by removing an ovary plus some very large cysts and having a uterine ablation. The surgery was long overdue. I had heavy bleeding and scary menstrual problems for years which depleted me and caused anemia. I had so many tests over the years and always found out the same: non-cancerous tumors, cysts, lumps, bumps. In each case, the fear and concern that it could be a fast-moving disease were palpable. I needed to take control but was scared about going into menopause quickly and also worried about the invasive surgery itself. It turned out the recovery was very challenging. It was like being postpartum. I was on bedrest and had bloating, weakening of muscles, quick hormonal changes, and an awful case of sciatica which caused agony. After recovery, I felt better than ever. I am now exercising, strong, regaining core strength and ready to face the next half of my life. I thought I felt neutral about turning 50 but in retrospect, I was very ambivalent. I plan to have a huge party when I turn 51.
How can I answer anything except the election of Donald Trump? Ugh. So, definitely not grateful or relieved. The only thing we really can do is turn it into something inspiring, right? Seeing people get involved, even get angry, get motivated to DO something has been inspiring. Seeing how this election has resulted in people banding together to get their voices heard. It's like protesting has been rediscovered as a legitimate form of expression. I see it in my students: an awareness of politics and a desire for social justice at a level beyond anything in my 20 years of teaching.
The past year has been a chaotic time in politics. It was November 8, 2016, Election Night. I went into that night confident that we were breaking a glass ceiling. I knew Hillary Clinton was going to be the next President of the United States. But no. I was wrong. As the night went on, it became more clear that this was not going to be a close race. In fact, as the night went on, I had to remove myself from my living room where I was sitting with all of my friends. It was time to go into bed, alone, and watch the news and wallow in my own sorrows. Donald Trump was going to be the next President of the United States. Donald Trump is the current President of the United States. It wasn't easy to sink in. I was upset, distraught, embarrassed, and in denial. It wasn't fair. It wasn't even possible. As the days have gone by since that dreary/nightmareish election day, Donald Trump has threatened the legitimacy of the position of president. He has tried, and failed, three times to repeal Obamacare and take away millions of peoples health insurance that they depend on. We are on the brink of nuclear war with North Korea, and Trump finds it such a serious topic of conversation that he nicknamed Kim Jong Un "Rocket Man." How did we get here? I am currently reading Hillary Clinton's book, "What Happened," reliving the pain that I felt on November 8. It's a sad time for a lot of people right now. We'll be okay though, right?
As much as i want to say something positive here, the truth is the most significant thing that has happened to me this year includes getting my heart broken, watching myself drown in a terribly unhealthy relationship, and ultimately becoming pregnant and getting an abortion. I was raised incredibly southern baptist so this true felt like a separating sin. I am both relieved and resentful. Relieved because i was not ready to have children, resentful because i wanted to make that choice in a more healthy manner with a partner that respected me. I'm also still grieving. Almost 5 months later and i wonder if i'll ever heal. Ironically, this is the first time I've written about it.
We celebrated our grandsons first birthdays & even had a backyard wedding. Grateful for walking my daughter down the aisle (so to speak, actually the side lawn , so to speak too ) Relieved that despite all my fears and apprehensions all went well surrounded by family & friends.
Kailey and Caroline left this year. After thinking about I realized it's not their abscence solely weighing on me but a sense of behindness and future hopelessness. I'm still tying to find a person whom I'm interested in and attracted to and who is crazy about me. I think I'd trade most anything for this. Maybe not my family, whom I'm glad to have.
The really big "experience" was the end of Mum's life and all that entailed. Support from her place of care, but Hospice giving advice that felt wrong. I had to advocate. One true friend helped me make decisions (Xtian.) Then when Comfort Measures were implemented, about 4 days late, everything happened fast. I did everything I needed to do. Made sure Harmony had a last chance to talk to her, made sure Daddy went to visit. I saw that Daddy had not preplanned beyond the cemetery. We had a meeting with McGann Hay on Monday night to do so, and Mum passed on Tuesday. Wrote obit, eulogy & baked. Family poured in and the support was amazing. Relieved, Grateful, and oddly Profoundly Sad.
I had my first job interview in over 10 years! Actually much longer for that. To be completely honest it was my real first job interview and I was terrified. Then I did it and it was totally awesome! I nailed it😎And ended up getting 2 job offers and getting the one I wanted. It made me realize how much I have grown and that others see me differently then I do myself. It also was an eye opener to inspire me to take chances! I heard this guy talking about coping with rejection! This was after my interviews but it made so much sense when he said the fear of rejection caused him to miss so much and to not grow and move forward. I want to grow and move forward and to try new things. So I am working on getting over the fear of rejection 😜
I am grateful for 10q from the start because sometimes life gives you too many significant life events at once to process. In the last year, I survived 2 car accidents, one of which left me with such a bad concussion I was on disability for 6 months and had to leave my vocation in the ICU for an outpatient clinic while waiting for my brain to heal. As hard as it is to say it, I am grateful for this experience in many ways. (Hey, life is suffering, right?) The concussion stole my intellect, my ability to work, my ability to tell a story, my ability to even go to the grocery store myself. It forced me to recon with my self worth: who the hell am I if I'm not productive? Is life worth living if you can't learn, contribute, help others? The experience completely inverted my life's values. Now that I am recovered, I still value my intellect, my work, my contributions to society and others. But I realize they do not define me. Having my ego forcibly exposed, torn away to bare all my insecurities - that has made me wiser. I hope it will make me a better nurse, partner, child, and eventual parent (g-d-willing). Meanwhile! My three best friends had their first born this year and they are all healthy and wonderful and brilliant and I would do anything for them. I moved to NYC and have so many close friendships here that fill me with joy. My boyfriend of 4 years proposed and although we are stressed planning the wedding, what an incredible gift to be planning our life together! We got a perfect fur baby Maui, an orange Siberian Forest cat that simply melts our hearts. And my fiancé is stressed, but he is doing what he loves and making a difference in this crazy world by working for the mayor of the most influential city in America. My life is absolutely charmed. I have my health, family, friendship, employment, and security.
I published my latest book, The Imagination Gap. I'm proud of it - feel as if I wrote something, am talking about something that has real value, new insight. Of course, like so many other projects, including previous books, I haven't been able to capitalize on the opportunity as fully as I would have liked. I haven't been able to make the time, or spend the resources. I continue to wonder what I might have been able to achieve if I could get more out of each project, or book, where I have done work I believe is valuable.
I started school for my CPA which has been an enlightening experience. I'm learning a lot about myself as a person and I'm also, naturally, learning a lot about accounting as a profession. I never considered accounting as a field of study, much less thought I'd enjoy it as much as I do. It's strange to finally understand the concept of truly loving your work, after so long thinking 'well this is probably as good as it gets'.
The most significant experience this year was the birth of our grandson. How fortunate I am to be able to see my daughter become a mother! Our little guy is healthy and has every advantage. It is so wonderful that our girls enjoy having us in their lives. When all is said and done, even a fulfilling career can't top the love of those important to us. Holding our little guy for the first time on Rosh Hashanah- that has been the best blessing of all!
My relationship with Caitlin is easily the biggest event. This is the first relationship I have been in since college, over four years ago. It's had many tumultuous moments, and I have definitely failed in many ways to be a good partner. There are times where I think our relationship is co-dependency and we should split apart. Then I realize that we actually care for each other and want to support the other's success, and that we are committed to communicating and creating fun experiences for the other. I feel grateful.
We moved back to the U.S. after 4.5 years in Roma. While I am in many ways happy to be "home" where I understand the language and how things are done, I miss the lifestyle in Italy. I do not miss the insanity of people running into you and cars parking on the sidewalk, but I miss the food, the walking, the sights, and (some) people. I miss saying "I live in Roma." I miss speaking Italian. I am happy we own a beautiful home and are nearer to family and friends, but I am stressed about the current political climate and our assinine president.
This year I fell in love, for the first time in a very long time. It was short-lived and ended bitterly, but I am still glad that it happened. I still find it so hard to make myself vulnerable and open myself up to potential pain, embarrassment or rejection, but I managed to do that this year and I don't regret it. I have spent much of my adult life carving out a life of my own and learning to be independent; and more recently I have begun to crave the opposite, and find it hard to cultivate a sense of openness and create space for others in my life. This year has been an important step forward in that, and I hope that I can continue to work towards that vulnerability in the coming year.
My mother died on January 8th. I feel grief for all the fragmentation in our family, much of which she caused. There was no coming together. As I struggle with my own issues with my children, I'm struck with an overwhelming sense of grieving, for all that is and isn't in our relationships. I wanted to heal what I saw as the sickness in my family of origin...bring up a new, loved, healthy generation. Maybe that was pure hubris. I also always hoped that my conflicted relationship with my mom would heal. What I was left with was the realization that the best I could hope for was to have no expectations, accept that she was who she was, and to generally come to our interactions needing to protect myself from her general nastiness. I try now to look back and acknowledge gratitude for what was positive, and honor her life, acknowledging that she had her own struggles, history, and strengths. At the same time, I need to honor my own feelings of lack, loss and grief, and move towards my future and how I want to craft my life as I age and move through this life.
I got to watch my mom go through a stem cell transplant, which basically involves coming back to life after being nearly dead. Keith and I were in NY the first week she was home from the hospital, and it was amazing to see the transformation from a woman who did almost nothing but eat and sleep to someone who was recognizable as my mother. My mom has always been one of my heroes, but watching her go through the whole cancer experience has elevated her that much more. She's cancer free and stronger than ever.
Robert did move home and its working well - he is going to school, playing video games and really helping me out around the house. I am not getting an office in the n ew space which I am bummed about but hope that the cube will be isolating enough. Need to stay out of the office politics and not pick up the pieces for others.
Found out that I am BRCA2 positive (a cancer risk gene mutation that is more common among people of Ashkenazi Jewish descent) This prompted me to take some preventative measures in the past year. I am grateful to be able to find this out, and reduce risk of developing these cancers in the future.
This past year, I gave birth to John and became a Mommy. It has affected me in so many ways. I think becoming his mom has taught me how to love in a less selfish way. It's no longer about me or my happiness, but about his wellbeing. The little things don't seem to matter anymore. I am so grateful for this experience! Being his mom is my favorite thing that I have ever done. I also think becoming a mom has strengthened my relationship with God and giving me a deeper understanding of His love for us. I've realized how out of control I am, and how He is the only One I can rely on.
I got married! I am the most grateful. We are a team and we were surrounded by all of our loving beating hearts in the redwoods to dance and love each other. I am inspired by our family. I am inspired by the joy of the process. I am home. My life is about us, now, not me, more than ever. And it's brilliant.
Getting involved with Tom Northrop. Where to begin? Its like coming home again and again. Learning for certain, but also an actusluzing of all the work ive soent over the years. I guess i wasnt ready before..i become a better person via this relationship. I am able tobshare my greatest gifts and have them reveived. I experience great joy, and then share it with others. Its lije all rhe best parts of my marriage mixed with all of this new stuff. We will be grandparents together. We are partners in the teuest sensr. Thank you, Universe!
I met a wonderful person named Jenise Huffman. She is victim of an accident and suffers from seizures daily and is in a wheelchair. She never complains and has such a sweet spirit. She has been a daily inspiration to me.
I have been deeply impacted by the disgrace of the presidential election and what seems to be a steady slide into authorianism. I have felt scared, overwhelmed, hopeless, enraged, awakened, engaged and have been more politically active than ever before. I feel grateful to feel joy and connection with my family/community even in the midst of big fear and sadness. I have been learning to practice returning to each moment and appreciating what is happening now versus what may happen in the future.
What to make of a year where nothing of seeming significance happened? I achieved some goals, but things stalled in their tracks. I don't really want to go further with most of them...been there, done that, t-shirt, etc. Last year I said turning 70 was the most significant event. Perhaps 71 was, too. It is not the years, per say, but the growing awareness of my mortality, and with it a restlessness to make the most of the best of the time remaining. My brain schemes and dreams while my body slows, my energy flags. I had pictured myself aging with grace. Ha! I am sputtering, wavering, still searching for that something more. Maybe that is what was significant in this last year.
The most significant experience that happened in the past year was moving to New York City. It has drastically impacted my entire way of life, mostly in good ways but there are some negatives as well. I am most definitely grateful to live in this city near my eldest sister Stacy, and I am grateful that I have the resources to be able to survive in this city that often eats people up and spits them out. I feel mostly inspired by the city, although I am still struggling to meet new people and establish local friends. New York City has a wealth of culture, but with all of these people, the city can be surprisingly isolating.
I quit long-time mortgage lending job, semi-retired and moved back to the town I grew up in. Quiting my job was easy. I was truly relieved to finally be out of that business. That was a job I went into in the 1980's out of need for a paycheck. So I guess I never really enjoyed it. It was awesome to move back to my hometown. I honestly didn't think I would be back here to live. But now that I'm here, closer to family and some old friends, I really wouldn't want to be anywhere else. I live a simply life - a very fulfilling and happy life. I have a seasonal job that allows me to work in the winter and then I have the summer months off to play!!! I couldn't be happier.
There is no doubt it was the trip to India. This was not a tourist type trip. I lived with the families, shared many of their daily experiences. Unlike Korea and Japan, the people were extremely friendly and welcoming. We had very deep discussions and, I think because I was safe-I was leaving- some exposed some very private details of their lives. The philosophy is so different from the US and it enhanced the discussions. One of the most entertaining parts was the number of people who suggested they "liked my accent".
We got a record amount of rain from hurricane Harvey. 1 out of 3 people I know were flooded. The community I'm part of banded together to help out the people affected by doing rescues, sheltering and helping clean up. Serious life event. Crazy times we live in. I was proud of my community for everything they did. We really pulled together and worked to help those in need. We are truly blessed
The election of 45 affected me greatly. Each day brings out new horrors. I feel angry, afraid and depressed, not only just because of him, though he's terrible enough, but because of what it says about the citizens of this country. It feels like so much of the progress we've made could become undone. I fear for my children and grandchildren.
I wasn't promoted, and the reason i wasn't promoted was because my supervisor was more interested in looking out for himself than he was in looking out for me. I have also done a bad job regarding my own self care. These experiences have made me realize that I should be more assertive and proactive about standing up for myself.
A significant experience that has happened in the past year would be getting in a small fight with my best friend and then shortly after we stopped being friends. This may seem like pointless, small, high school drama but to me it was more. It was such a significant part of my life because it did change a lot. Usually after a fight we would be friends again so fast, but this time we slowly grew apart. It was not the same and I was so sad over it but I knew I had to move on. I made a whole new group of friends and my life changed a lot since then. We are friends again now and still just as close but I wish things never changed. I loved life and how it used to be and I do not know what it is but everything has been feeling weird lately and I hate change. I miss being a free spirit and not having the stress of growing up. I do not like growing up and I think that is the problem. I do not want to grow up, it scares me. It is senior year it should be the funnest year of high school but as of now I have a bad feeling that I just can not shake. I just want everything to slow down and let me catch up to it. But I am still a positive person and i am going to make the best out of this and make life fun again and how it used to be.
Hurricane Irma is the most recent and Significant experience that comes to mind. i am Grateful and Relieved. as the storm approached, we were apprehensive and experiencing PTSD from Andrew so many years ago. i was worried for my mom but more so for my nephews and my brother. i remember how Andrew aged my dad and i didn't want the same thing to happen to my brother. we were untouched and able to help so many people by offering them a house to stay and food to eat. i walked out the day after the storm and was brought to tears just hearing the birds sing. i have walked out each morning and been thankful for the song of the birds all around us. Life is Good.
Moved back to home state. I did it for family but struggle with having to drop my life and leave
I'd have to say the most significant experience I've had over this past year was moving in with Rachel in January. It has affected me in many ways. I'm very grateful to have the experience. Though we've had an enormous amount of conflict I have learned a lot about her and about myself. Whether her and I stay together is a bit up in the air at this point, but I"m grateful nonetheless.
A few years ago, I was coldly fired from my job. I didn't necessarily love the work, but the firing was a part of a sequence of events that left me feeling low, unwanted and irrelevant. My relationship with my boss was rather abusive, but I'm like a moth to a flame for that. I picked myself up from the ground and started over, still floundering a bit for the next year, but I found a new job and tried to shake the looming feeling of being a total fraud. While contently working at my job, I received an email from a former colleague who started his own company and wanted me to join their team. I quickly jumped aboard, feeling completely terrified, yet excited. I am now a part of his team and have never been more empowered. No one thinks I'm a fraud. No one thinks I'm doing a bad job. In fact, they seem impressed with anything I do. I know these situations are always bound to change, but the whole situation was validating. It showed me that something wonderful and inspiring can come out of any situation, no matter how abusive or bleak.
The woman that hired me a couple of years ago for a job I was really not experienced to do, retired this year. I am very grateful that she brought me in and trained me - it got my foot in the door, which was something I needed. She gave me chance to do something great for my career, but in many ways she was also in my way. Since she has retired, all sorts of doors have been opening up for me regarding my true skills. In this sense, I am relieved that she retired. I can even say that working with her has been very inspiring to me as well.
I launched Poli-Anna, the first time I put something significant that is my OWN IDEA out into my community. I'm grateful and relieved because I want to do a lot more of this and in a way it was like ripping off the band-aid. I am also excited and fearful about keeping it going and stepping it into the next phase.
Oh man, like six things come to mind. Nothing I quite want to "describe". 😄 Now that I'm through all of it, it seems like maybe nothing too remarkable, y'know? Just life. I mean, the bad parts at least; they weren't SO bad, perhaps. The good parts have been freakin' great though, totally remarkable! Let's go with that. I'm less insecure than ever before. I feel "a part of something", when it comes to my family & friends, & that's really all I want in life.
I've had an awakening to live a little more artistically and creativily. It's been a year of letting go of perceptions of who I've been and refining myself and overall when this has happened in the past it opens doors to new paths in life. The odd thing it's been in the mist of much financial struggle. Funny how that works. Yin and yang.
I had mono last summer from May through September. Then, just when I was starting to get better, I got it again and felt like shit from February until June. I didn't know you could even have a recurring case of mono! It was a real eye-opener, and I learned a lot. I have new-found respect for those with chronic illness. Sometimes, I need to cut myself off from world events and external problems because I can get too worked up and it literally makes me sick. I now know to listen to my body and give it what it needs—rest, exercise, sleep, clean food, more rest. It's not selfish to do what's best for me. Physical health and mental health and spiritual health are all the same thing. I've learned to accept help. I've learned to say no.
Alex and I married. I am, and it seems like we both are, really happy and almost happier everyday. We know we have each other to trust and protect, and we both really enjoy that life and responsibility. Additionally, there is a huge sense of relief that the actual wedding is passed....let attention on it and me in my normal conversations makes my life significantly easier. I am beyond happy to be with her and to join her family
On November 8, 2016, we lost an election. I remember even at 9 pm, even at 10 pm, even at 1 am, thinking - there's just no way we'll lose the whole thing. Texting Laura to confirm there was a path, even without the states we'd lost already. Like there was just no way Hillary Clinton doesn't become president, right? How did it affect me, you ask - how do I feel? Hillary Clinton isn't president. It means not just that the world is a darker, more dangerous place - and that we've validated that indeed, white Midwesterners are racist assholes, as it were - but my life is different too. That part makes me feel selfish - it's unfair to be upset for myself when DREAMers face deportation and trans people can't serve in the military and 30 million people might lose their healthcare - but it sucks. The life I thought I'd have right now just - isn't. It won't ever be. And now I've got to reckon with who I've become and decide if it was worth it. This is the worst. I mean it's truly terrible - the feeling that maybe you just trifled away the last five years doing something that never meant anything. And look - I know that this matters to the people who are involved at the micro level. I know that people are better for their involvement in the campaign. I know that volunteers are empowered and interns have a dream and I especially know that my organizers are better rounded, more accepting people because they were part of this. But damn, I gave a lot to this thing and it crushed me. It took my heart and forced me to go numb in order to survive the experience and then reinforced that position by ending in a loss. I want to feel something again. I want to feel inspired and buoyed and mostly I want to have faith in something. My gut feeling has been gone for a long time now, and I miss it - that quiet, steady confidence that this is right, damned be the critics. I want back what November 8 took from me.
Going to Seattle to visit a friend. it was a great time to bond with her and her 13 niece but it also taught me that when you meet new people you want to go slow and easy. It takes time to be comfortable with new people and everyone goes at a different pace. I was at first resentful that their was some miscommunication but now I am grateful since this showed me more about myself.
Yeah, so the election happened. I am shaken to my core, terrified, furious. I bounce between desperate, hopeful, cynical, disconnected, grieving.
I started college this year-only a few months ago. I thought it would be really hard for me socially, but I've never been happier than I am now. I think that this is really the right place for me and the issue before wasn't me, but my environment. I am very relieved to finally be living instead of just surviving.
We went to Cuba! It all started with a conversation in the kitchen while making dinner, one of us mentioned wanting to go to Cuba. The others chiming in with agreement. Much agonizing later, we did it. I am so grateful we got to go, grateful I had the opportunity to learn more in a flurry beforehand, and got to talk with people while there. I felt such a strong connection with the culture and w/individuals we met, and that surprised me a little - it was a deeper emotional experience than I'd imagined. It inspired me to do more travel, reminding me that the connections in the outer world really do enrich my inner life so much.
So much has happened in this past year that it's hard to pick just one. From getting my heartbroken to buying a house to being diagnosed with PCOS and T2DM. I guess the later was the most significant for it caused me to pause for a moment and evaluate my life style and food choices. I'll be honest I felt like a failure when I was diagnosed since I have a PhD in nutrition and should know better. However, after I collected myself together I was able to use my nutrition knowledge and have started to fight my diseases and am living healthier overall.
My business partner bailed on the business and our friendship. I'm deeply hurt. I feel betrayed. It's also really destroyed my motivation and what sense of direction I had. It took me out of action for about 3 months for healing. It cost several thousand dollars in legal fees to get a separation letter pulled together. As I write this, still no felt sense of direction. No real motivation to do much of anything. Feel very burnt out.
In February 2017, I got a literary agent!! This inspired me to work at my dream of becoming a children's book author. It also really affirmed my talent externally, which I think I needed at the time -- someone from the outside to validate my worth and acknowledge the kind of contributions I could make to this field. From browsing my answers from last year, I don't even think that I was admitting to myself that I wanted to write books this time last year. It's so cool to see how far I've come! In related news, Dan and I finished our lesbian fairy tale picture book, and we're waiting to hear from publishers about that. Alex and I also moved in together into the cutest nugget apartment, and I couldn't be happier or more grateful for the life we've created together. He's my rock and my biggest cheerleader and he makes me laugh more than anyone else.
My wife converted to Judaism. In some ways I am relieved that we now have the same baseline to go off of from a religious perspective. In other ways, this gives me a fresh start to becoming a practicing Jew again in our reform synagogue. I look forward to shaping our lives/children's lives to be an active part of the Jewish community.
Saying Goodbye to David Miller ז״ל My dear cousin, David Drew Miller ז״ל passed away the Saturday following Thanksgiving after a short and aggressive battle with cancer. When he decided to stop treatment and start hospice, my mom and I helped move him from Fox Chase Cancer Center in Philadelphia to his home in Richmond, Virginia knowing that our eventual departure would mean saying goodbye. A few hours before we left, David and I sat chatting in his bed with many, many more laughs than tears. I got to share my surreal premonition about adopting a son and naming him Miller. To leave worry behind him, I promised him that I understood my role in keeping our family close and connected as he and my mom always did, and their parents, my Grammy Ida and Great Uncle Marvin, always did. At one point he looked at me and as if he just realized something. He did. “Ah s***, Mol” he said. “I’m not going to be at your wedding.” I held his hand “Yes you will” I said. “We will all carry you there with us” I asked him what song we should play in his honor. “Sound of Silence” he said, without a second of hesitation. We did bring him there. Andrew and I drank from his kiddush cup under the chuppah. As I drank I locked eyes with his daughters, Megan and Leah to share David’s presence in the sanctity of that moment. And when our DJ played Sound of Silence after the horah and before the first course, our family held one another on the dance floor and let the music, the moment, and his memory entirely wash over us.
Wow. The very first thing that came to my mind was the Writer's Workshop in San Miguel de Allende. Had I not gone to that, had I not met Lori Horvitz, had I not gone to Katharine Webber's class on The Unreliable Narrator, I never would have started this book. This book has saved my life. It has given me purpose, passion and drive. It has occupied my thoughts and my hours. This book has, in many ways, made the divorce more real because it has created intimacy and distance from the two fucked-up protagonists. Which brings me to the fact that the divorce was finalized on August 2 of this year, and yet it was not the first thing that came to mind. I feel grateful and inspired to have found my voice.
Looking back, this year seems dominated by medical stuff. Grandma continues to decline. Will she still be around come 10Q next year? I know where smart money goes. What does that mean for us? Well, more time helping out Gramma, past that, to the end -- we won't know that until the time comes. That is always the way. Kris got hit with the Diabetes diagnosis, and we've dealt with that pretty well. Doing the right things, pulling the right numbers. I think we could up our game, some working out especially for Kris, but a positive thing overall. You know, if a diabetes can be said to be good. And I started using a testosterone gel, which, in retrospect, I have probably needed for a decade. It's like the best anti-depressant ever, with better side effects. It's only misguided pride that kept me from doing this a year ago. It's made life easier, I don't hit the low-lows with the regularity I had been, though it doesn't solve all my problems. We'll see how it helps me deal with a tough year coming up.
My husband and I went on "the trip of a lifetime" this summer. We traveled all over. We started in the Netherlands, went to Israel, (which I will do over and over and over again), on to Rome for a week long class teaching AP World History, back to the Netherlands and then on to Germany, France, Spain, Portugal, back up through France, Belgium and into the Netherlands again. We "bought" a car. Rented it really, and it was so fun to be with Rob in the car, spending time, arguing over the GPS. What a great experience. We dropped of the car and then flew to England, spent some time with family and then back to the Netherlands and Edam, the first place we ever stayed on our first trip. It was an inspiring year. I want to move, I want to live, I want to go on all kinds of adventures like this.
My wonderful, beautiful, kind, funny, loving, stylish remarkable mom passed away from complications related to treatment of her cancer. It is hard to describe how it affected me because I'm in the middle of it. I feel like I'm wondering around in a fog. All of the feelings you listed - I have them all. Grateful. I'm insanely grateful that I had the luck to have the most wonderful mom in the world. While she was not perfect, she was incredibly special - and it's not just me saying that. She made everyone she came into contact with feel special. I'm grateful that I was able to spend a lot of time w her over the past two years. I'm grateful I was able to tell her how much I loved her. I'm grateful for every moment. I'm grateful that I have her example to pull from for so many situations on how to act with kindness, humor, class, thoughtfulness, grace... I'm grateful for the family she's given me. I'm grateful for the love and support of my friends during this time. I'm grateful for her friends and the memories they share, allowing me to continue to get to know my mom. I'm relieved. I'm relieved she does not have to suffer anymore. I'd much rather have her here, but I'm glad she does not have to be in pain or sad or dependent. I'm resentful - but I am pushing that away. I'm mad that I don't get more time with her. I'm resentful that I didn't have more one on one time with her for both of our fear of hurting my dad's feelings. I'm resentful I didn't learn more from her when she was here. I'm resentful that I didn't get to make her a grandmother or that she didn't get to see me as the woman I want to be - and she didn't get to see me in a happy adult relationship. I'm resentful for every experience I have that I think she would love to be a part of, and of course I would love to share with her. And yes - I'm so inspired. She was much stronger than I ever gave her credit for - and endlessly positive. Even though her formative years were challenging - she never felt bad for herself. In her sickest days, she always had dignity and never wanted anyone to feel sorry for her. She always showed concern for others. She was so good at loving.
Two months ago, there was a white supremacist rally in Charlottesville to protest the removal of Confederate statues. It's 2017. White supremacists and neo-Nazis are still rallying. They still have a voice and a platform. And the president couldn't see clear to denounce their actions. So my husband and I decided to go back to church. It was the first time in many years that we had been to church – the first time we've been to church in the five years that we've been together. And we've been every week since. I'm not sure where I am as far as believing in God. I'm not sure how much I trust religion. But I believe in community and I believe in justice. And I believe we need to do more as far as a community to bring justice.
I changed jobs and started focusing on my health. It affected me by getting some of my time back, learning that my body can do more than I give it credit for, and allowed me to grow as a Counselor. I am so grateful and motivated. I feel like I can get to a place where my physical appearance matches the healing on my outside.
This January, my wife and I attended the Women's March in DC. It was incredible -- but I find myself struggling now, so many months later, to feel again that hope and elation that uplifted me then. It seems silly to worry about war or the decline of our nation, the desctruction of our future .. But so many accounts of such time periods include recollections along the lines of "we had no idea that everything was changing."
We sold our home of nearly 20 years and significantly downsized. It has been a fantastic experience. We are so much less burdened by our surroundings, and are surprised at how much we DON'T miss our old life. We ended up getting rid of about 80% of our stuff via an estate sale (after the kids took what they wanted, of course), and don't really miss any of it.
I had to change employment and that was a big deal. I was working for the school system as a Para and I really liked the child I was working with and I had great supervisors, but the work was extremely hard on my health. And some of the other kids were not so kind and it took a hard toll on my health until finally I had to make the decision to stop working without having a backup plan. It was really scary putting our family into a financial situation that I knew would be hurting us, especially when we had so many hopes and dreams. And then I went through a manic phase because of my insecurity of not having a job and spent a lot of our credit money and put us in even a worse situation. But, this eventually pushed me to extend myself to try outside things such as being more active in the public to try and bring peer support to Lawrence and through this a job found me at Bert Nash as a peer support specialist, something I didn't even think I was looking for. I didn't even know if I could do it, but thought that I had to try and it has been a very rewarding job. I really like my position and I have a very supportive atmosphere here and hope that this will be something that I can do for the long term and can feel good about while raising Katherine and paying off all the debt that I incurred while over the period of being off of work.
I have decided to transition this year. I came to the realization that I needed to live the rest of my life as a man. It felt like a huge relief, and I am grateful that I was able to make that choice, and that the process these days, living in a progressive area, is pretty easy. My partner, friends and family are supportive, and I'm happy.
I had a miscarrige in March. I thought I was strong enough to not let it affect me but it has. It's devestated me. I'm not sad that I lost a baby that wasn't viable. I am sad that I haven't gotten preganant again and everyone keeps asking me if we are trying. I hate that fucking question. Also two of my best friends are pregnant right now and while I am happy for them I can't help but being sad for me. I hate that this is consuming me. Everyone say's "It will happen when you relax" it's not that at all, it happens for people when they finally give up....
My semester at Watson in Boulder was a significant experience. The social pressure of living and learning in close quarters with 20 people was difficult to manage. I felt like I had to balance my desire to be understood and liked with doing what I really wanted and staying true to myself. In the end I think I was able to do both, and the relationships I developed and my overall experience benefited tremendously. I am now even more aware that it's not likely that I'll walk into a room and have people immediately get me, but that I still need to stick to doing my thing and the friendships will come.
This year Dad and I went on a trip to Badlands NP, Mt. Rushmore, Yellowstone NP, and Grand Tetons NP. Our world is so amazingly awesome in spite of the political messes we make. It was even more meaningful to have this experience after the disappointment of a failed adventure 2 years ago when a trip turned out to be not accessible for me ( I travel using a wheelchair) and we had to end the trip prematurely.
We finally moved back to New Mexico after nearly a decade in Los Angeles. It was really hard to move away from such a great job and friends. My heart wasn't 100% in the decision and I became depressed about 6 months before our departure. I was unemployed for 6 months after our arrival to NM. I'm grateful for that time and recognize the privilege I have to be supported for that duration. It was what my soul needed to heal the depression and stress from the move.
This happened a little over a year ago, but I started my first full-time job after graduate school. At the beginning I felt extremely relieved, and today I still feel very fortunate to have a job in my field where I am pushed to learn new skills and am surrounded by supportive coworkers. Still, I've just had my 1-year anniversary and I'm wondering what people do once they enter the full-time world. How long do you stay at one job? When do you know it's time to leave? I'm not ready for that yet but my boss rightfully pushes me to think about next career moves. I feel scared to lose the sense of stability and familiarity that I've only recently gained, but also a little anxious for something new.
I moved to Brussels. I think it was a good idea. I'm grateful to have again had an opportunity to live in another country. I'm resentful though, that I'm a low-paid intern - that despite all my education and skills this was the best thing I could find; that Brussels is a city, like so many others, that thrives on the backs of unpaid and low-paid work, expecting gratitude in return. I've learned a lot from this experience - mostly about my own capacities. I now know I can work a 9-6 office job, supporting myself, if not financially then in a practical sense. But I also see the limitations of this lifestyle - how exhausted I feel, how disconnected I am from my workplace and its aims, how much I would prefer to be working in something creative or outdoors.
The Trump election terrifies me. Maybe this time next year things will be better. Maybe they will be worse. But one way or another, because of Trump I'll have no insurance in 2018--and that's not a good position for a Marfan sufferer with Hashimoto's to be in. I just hope we're not at war with North Korea.
I traveled outside of the U.S. for the first time, to London and Paris. I have a love / hate relationship with travel right now. While I love seeing new things, I hate the hassle of getting there, preparing, etc. However, in balance, I'm very happy I made the trip. I think we tried to see everything in one trip, and were exhausted because of it. Hopefully I'll get back to both places, and now will have seen the far-flung sites. I'm grateful I went, and inspired to go again, though this time to spend more time relaxing.
Probably the most significant thing for me to have happen is Kaylee breaking up with me and ending our relationship. It happened on or about November 14th of 2016. We had bought a ring, we were making plans to live in SLC, I had even transferred to SLC, and then she pumped the breaks and ended it all. I was distraught for several weeks as I thought it would have been a great. I remember walking around Price in the cold, on the verge of tears, and writing depressing poetry. Coming off my other relationships and my doubts about being able to love someone, this relationship proved that I could and it hurt my heart. Probably the worst part of this entire saga was that I returned to live with my parents due to my transfer to the SLC office. I was so depressed that I was an absolute mess. I gained 20+lbs, I didn't socially interact with other people, and I was depressed and sometimes a bit suicidal. It was hard and it has still been hard over the last little while. Sometime has offered some perspective and I realize that I was making a mistake. I really liked Kaylee and I thought she was amazing but I think I may have been too close to her to see some of the problems such as her own need to create problems and also drama. Had we stuck it out, I'm not sure how long it would lasted. So I've decided that the heart break I did suffer for a few weeks was better than the devastation that would have come from a divorce. The best thing I learned from this experience is that I can love and I can dedicated myself to a partner which is huge for me coming off other issues which have come up in my life. I look forward to my next healthy and durable relationship.
I have allowed myself to truly fall in love with someone this past year. Up until now, when in intimate relationships I always kept one foot on the ground. I never "fully" committed my heart because I was so used to the idea of the person bailing or it not working out. In letting go of the fear of rejection or failure in my present relationship I have gained a great sense of peace, calm, joy. I live in the moment more and feel more secure with giving my love to another person.
A significant experience that has happened in the past year is that I graduated from USC! There are so many feelings around this. I am grateful, relieved, resentful, inspired, and so much more. I am so grateful I got to attend and graduate from my dream school. I can't believe I did it. I couldn't have done it without the help of so many people- especially my mom. My procrastination never improved unfortunately- I'm shocked that with that I was still able to graduate cum laude haha. But really; I remember touring USC after my junior year of high school and being angry with my mom that she was making me look there- I would NEVER get in, it was a waste of time, and I remember being so explicit with her that we were wasting a full day in CA by touring the school. I said I'd look but not apply- and then after touring it, they sold me. I just HAD to apply. But it's weird because I REALLY didn't think I'd get in...so now looking back, what made me apply anyway? I am SO proud of myself for having the confidence to apply anyway, even if that meant being rejected. So many people don't apply cause they think they'll have no shot. What if that was me? My life would be so different I can't even comprehend. Everything would be different. Clearly this was meant to happen, in God's plan. USC is so amazing and it never lost it's amazingness on me. I graduated from the #1 film school in the entire world. Even if I don't want to do film, I'll always cherish my degree as I have learned so much and don't regret any minute of it. I am proud of myself for taking advantage of as many opportunities as I could have. The many internships I had, the set time, joining a professional fraternity and having an AMAZING pledging experience, being an RA for 2 years, living off campus for one year, being in student government, being a Wellness Advocate, going to meetings with the Deans to make the school a better place, football games and tailgating, going to events. I took advantage of so much more than I did in high school. I am also relieved I graduated. I am relieved I'm done with papers (though I want to go back to school haha). I am resentful of how much school I missed. But I'm not resentful of my illness because it shaped me. I accept it- it really has made me the person I am and I'm not resentful of that. But I'm resentful of not feeling well enough to do more readings, to pay attention more in class. I am so inspired by having graduated- I am so inspired to keep learning- to keep questioning. I have some of the most amazing memories from college, of Professor Steve Ross telling me to question everything, of my film and buddhism class, of DKA, of RA training. I am left with some really special friends- I am a better person. I can't believe it's over, but I believe the best is yet to come. I will live in the present.
I was diagnosed with adult ADHD. I am relieved and optimistic that there was a reason for my deficiencies and I have something named to overcome.
My uncle died, but it was two weeks before anyone knew. Important to maintain connections and live your true self.
I have learned and Actually Put Into Practice that I don't need to be right all the time. i am relieved and grateful for this knowledge. It's taking a lot of pressure off of myself.This is not so much a significant single experience as realization that took a month or 6 weeks to arrive.
Seeing the migration of Sandhill Cranes in Indiana & the Trumpeter Swans & Snow Geese at the Middle Creek Reserve in PA were both so wonderful. They gave me hope that the natural world continues in its pacing through the seasons, even as humanity treads heavily on their turf.
The most significant thing that happened this last year is Trump winning the presidency. I have so much fear now. Social constructs seem to be falling. People saying and doing horrible things to each other because of the color of their skin, who they love, where they're from, etc. I can't understand it. Intellectually I get it, people are angry because they are disenfranchised and want someone to blame. But I really can't understand hating someone you don't even know. I feel afraid to speak my beliefs. I feel afraid to protest. I just have so much fear. I've even considered getting a gun. I am so against people having handguns, but I'm worried that when society crashes we will have nothing with which to defend ourselves. I will have nothing to defend my family with. I've thought many times since November that preppers have the right idea. A quiet out of the way piece of land with a small house on it to retreat to, filled with provisions and supplies, so we can get away from the kook-asses that are out there right now. RG would be against it, calling it crazy and a waste of money. His theory is if society falls, do we really want to continue to exist in anarchy? Well, I certainly don't want to just lay down and die. A piece of property, maybe 30 acres, with a river/stream and some woods, a small house, solar with a generator, good sight lines, and the ability to get to it quickly. This is the idea of safety for me right now.
So very many things!! The two biggest things that happened to me gave me completely opposite feelings! However, the question said A significant thing, so I will follow the rules and only do one. In December, my boyfriend and I broke up. It was rough, but looking at my 10Q answers from last year, I shouldn't have been surprised. Ultimately, I'm relieved, but it's left me questioning a bunch more. Am I cut out for marriage? Will I get married? Am I going to have to settle? I am mad that he was the one to call it quits, and he cheated on me, which almost makes it worse. I know it's for the best, and I know that we are not meant for each other, but I really liked having someone. Maybe that answers most of my questions...
I lost 25 pounds. And it has been the single most mind fuck I've ever experienced in my life. Am I grateful? Yes. Relieved? Yes. Inspired? Eh. Resentful. Yes. I'm so glad I lost the weight and grateful I went through the process. It has taught me so much, and as a result, I have more compassion for those going through the process. I understand how hard it is. Not just physically, but mentally and spiritually. The in and out of worrying about every single piece of food you put in your mouth and what it might do to you is exhausting. I've never wanted to NOT care about anything more in my life. I have wished often to go back to the way I was before I started this journey. That being said, I wouldn't want to be 25 pounds heavier, either. So it is a constant trade off. Enjoy the foods I love and make me feel alive? Enjoy the body I've worked so hard to create and makes me feel good about myself? Yep. Twisty mind fuck.
A significant experience that has happened over this past year is the month I spent at Kutz camp. It affected me because it expanded my Jewish community to people across America, it made me love NFTY even more to the point where I want to run for regional board this winter, and it opened up the opportunity of going to Israel for my second semester of this school year. I am so grateful for this experience as it has shaped a lot of my current life.
I auditioned for a project I was really excited about - my first audition in at least 10 years. The process, from putting cover letter & resume together, to taking headshots, to the actual audition itself was exhilarating. The rejection was expected, but confirmed that I could never be a full time performer - I tried not to be disappointed, but of course I was mildly crushed. I am inspired to try and get more creativity and expression back into my life.
I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Haven't gotten to the grateful stage yet as just had surgery a few weeks ago. I've gone through different emotions but I'm feeling good overall about the way I'm handling this and it's already highlighted some valuable lessons that I've been learning
I started dating a girl and am conflicted if I want to be a relationship right now. The distance is complicated as are other things.
Shift is happening this year more so than in others - I have dedicated myself to exercising again after seeing my photos from my 50th birthday and seeing the weight I had gained. I am now down 15 pounds, stronger, healthier and happier. I don't know why I moved away from it or what the barriers were? I do know that menopause was a huge factor and I needed to up the exercise. I am thankful that I had a group of warriors that engaged in the process with me - we are all better for it and love the time we spend hiking every weekend and the classes we go to to keep mind body and soul centered and happy! This is a live long passion and journey that I must continue - in the words of Darwin, adapt or die!
My dad died 3 months ago. It was an 18 month decline with a rare cancer. I was with him the last 3 days of his life, and watching him suffer was agony. I had PTSD afterwards, unable to turn off the images of his thin, sunken, skeletal body that replayed on a loop in my mind. After some grief counseling I've made some progress towards releasing that trauma and letting him go. He was never that tightly bound to this world, the type of soul that longs to float away. We had music playing in his room and he passed away during "Blackbird" by the Beetles. "Take these sunken eyes and learn to see. All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free." Two months ago Hurricane Harvey flooded the building where we live and we are now homeless for 3-4 months as a result. This has meant a lot of quality time with Mom, staying with her in the now-too-big house, helping her sell Dad's tools and get the house ready to sell. Being together and grieving together is healing. In a year of grief and turmoil what remains is love. We have no home. I currently have no job as I've been forced to take a leave of absence during our exile. I now have no father. What I have is love. Loving husband, loving mother, loving friends, and a laser focus on what is important. Love.
I am down to my last account to draw monthly money from. This should last a little over 3 years. It took several months to get everything straight. It is making me look at the life I am living and how am I going to support myself. Yes, I am grateful that I have a truly wonderful life. I am relieved because now I get to figure out what is truly important to me. There is nothing to resent. I am inspired to move forward.
I went and saw Hamilton with a good friend. She flew to Chicago to see it with me on my birthday. It wasn't a life changing experience, but it's significance was in the simplicity of having a fun evening with a friend and celebrating my birthday. So much of this past year has been defined by stress and chaos and burn out, having one evening where I didn't feel any of that was very significant in a positive way.
We got a puppy. I am very grateful for her. I didn't want a puppy, and there are times I am resentful, but it is nice to be needed. And adored. I know my children love me, and I'm pretty sure my husband loves me, but neither adore me. Daisy is sweet, adorable and a pleasure to have around.
I had to move back to NZ. I have mixed feelings, seeing parts of my family the way they are is depressing. I am grateful that my sister stepped in and helped me move back.
This past year I started college. It was obviously a drastic change in my life. A new city, new people, and I didn't have any of my friends from home to rely on. It's much harder to make friends than I thought, and the first two weeks were hard socially. But I'm grateful I have the opportunity to attend college, and that I'm finally starting to feel comfortable here. I'm still trying to find a place I fit in, but I'm working on it and making friends the best I can.
The Trump election. Over the past several years my eyes have been opened to the way capitalism, patriarchy, and white supremecy brutalize and crush people around the world. The Trump election was not so much a turning point as it was a concrete example of the crisis much of the world's population is going through. It's a crisis of meaning and value. I am trying to educate myself in how this crisis came about and what it means. I'm trying to establish what I value and how I can enact those values at a local level. I'm trying to understand what influence I have and how to use it. I am afraid and anxious, but that is a condition of living in this world at this time. I feel like I have less to lose, and am willing to sacrifice more. That is helping me to move foward and focus.
I stopped hating my job. I still don't love it, but I think I just want a career change. I'm not even sure what/where/how but I think I'm in need of a big life change. This is also very scary because I turned 40 this year and I fear that it's too late for a big change like that. Luckily, I am reading all kinds of stories about people being happier about a career change late in life. Strange how this started out about me liking my job but turned out to be about a career change.
It would have to be the big blow out with Steven in August. He has such anger and hurt, but it came out with poison words and both Phil and I engaged with him. I wish we had just let him vent and taken the higher road. It was a terrible situation and made me very sad. For the sake of mom, we were able to get done what we needed to do, but I'm not hopeful at all of any kind of relationship with him in the future. Very sad and such wasted time, for sure.
I changed my life this year. I have taken control of my health and it changes everything. I'm excited and inspired and I have goals. I'm confident that I can succeed, but sometimes I do feel some resent about foods I love making me miserable. It is what it is. I CAN DO THIS
Where to start... I had major surgery to remove a large but - happily - benign tumour. However during the operation the surgeon found that I had extensive endometriosis. I'd always wondered whether I had this but there had been so many opportunities for its diagnosis and no hint that it was present... that I'd dismissed the idea. Turns out that this was a mistake. It explains so many things in my life, primarily infertility and just why a lot of stuff has felt like such a struggle. They say the average time to a diagnosis of endo is about nine years. I'm not sure whether mine was 25 years or about ten minutes. I feel immensely grateful for a wonderful surgeon and excellent medical team, and absolutely furious with myself for not pushing earlier to get this sorted out. The impact on my life has been catastrophic; I'm childless and have spent a lot of time beating myself up for being pathetic and lazy when I actually had a medical condition which could have been managed.
Death. First Sage. Glen Sage, my mom and dad's best friend, who I've known since the day I was born, passed away. Then, my best friend at work, my work husband, my sweetheart, and someone that I might have married if there was no Prentice, Mike Turner, died suddenly. It has been the most difficult time of my life, other than when Bryce died. I haven't known if I would be able to go on sometimes. I haven't known how to keep moving forward. It's been rough. Every time I look at one of the trinkets on my desk that Mikey gave me, it gives me a longing heart to just hug him one more time. Every time I think of Sage and his silliness, or I go to a union activity, or I even just see a bald man, my heart breaks a little. I loved him so much. Life is so short. We aren't promised another day on this Earth. I plan to live this life to the fullest and love as completely as I can. I will do what I can to love everyone to the fullest and share that love in any way possible. I will spread love, not hate. I will fight for justice. I refuse to let haters bring me down. And I will keep flying.
I wish I could say my significant experience was having my son, but the first thing that comes to mind is, "I guess, needing to call the police on my husband and restarting both of our lives separately." I am relieved, and in a way grateful for how things went. Had I ever managed the courage and gull to leave on my own, I wouldn't have been able to access the priority list for subsidized housing in a new city - and who knows what would have happened to myself and my son then. And likewise, the husband wouldn't have received as much of a reason to reconsider the frame of reference for his life.
Portland is significant. I challenged myself to be on my own, find a new way to love myself, laugh, be free of judgment and find my worth. I'm grateful I could do something like that. I'm proud for what I did and wish I even took more chances. I don't want to regret not trying things or live in fear. I also am proud of how I put myself out there w men. I guess if I step back I am a bit inspired and it's time to set some new challenges
In March, my beloved husband was diagnosed with non-obstructive azoospermia. I will not bear his child. I don't think I've even begun to understand the ways in which this has affected me. Unsurprisingly, I'm full of rage. Mostly however, I'm simply full of grief - for our the loss of our dream of biological parenthood and for this person who will never exist, who has haunted me these past few months. I often wonder if I will feel profound happiness again. That said, I am grateful that our marriage is thriving and can't imagine my life without him.
I started NFTY & HS this year! Both are amazing. A fantastic summer with my last at Eisner, first leadership summit, Maccabi games, and last Squanto. JV soccer!
Over the summer, I went to Israel for the first time with my family. We're all Jewish, and have been wanted to visit Israel almost all our lives. We went with a group from our synagogue, and it was probably the most magical experience I've ever had. I remember when we arrived in Jerusalem, as we looked over the old city, thinking to myself, "all the times we've said 'next year in Jerusalem,' and now we're here". It was life-changing. Leading up to the trip, I remember being nervous, and unsure of the experience that I would have, but I'm so glad that we went. I'm not sure when I'll have another opportunity to go, and I'm not sure that it'll be with my family, so I'm unbelievably glad that we went. It was the most magical experience I've ever had.
A three week trip from mid May to early June was very rewarding. There were three segments - I attended my 50th College reunion along with a pre-reunion. During these, I met or expanded significant relationships which have expanded my circle of close friends. It also allowed me and many others to help put our lives into a context of time. The second week was in Shenandoah National Park. I spent time with myself processing the reunion and figuring out what I wanted to do next. I focused on Spontaneity, Risk, Action and Discipline. (SRAD) Being more with those characteristics. I also saw some Oberlin and the Weisheimers who I hadn't seen since Marieka was in the womb. The third week was with Marieka and Kaila in Chicago. We shopped, saw a play, the museums, a woman's soccer game and just hung out. It was a special time. It reaffirmed my desire to spend time with them.
I became a father again, which is an amazing experience. To have your heart grow to accommodate the love of two children is fascinating to live through. I am so grateful, albeit tired, to now have two sons instead of just one, and I'm delighted daily by how different my second son is from the first.
Trump's election felt like it rocked our foundation. John was deeply disturbed. I was shocked and, perhaps, more resilient, but still feel like I've spent months reckoning with what it means about who this country is and what the work is that needs to be done to heal/change it. It's made me think a lot about the kind of citizens we want to be for the girls, too. Just totally soul-crushing and paradigm-shifting in so many ways.
i realised that although so many people come and go in my life, and my people i mean who have come very close to my heart, no one can give solace quite like family. past year i realised my own importance in relationships, finally accepted that i have boundary issues and felt the relief that came with its acceptance. also realized i can loose weight, stick to diet, exercise and everything healthy, when it is the right time astrologically lol! Som things cant be fought, but that doesnt mean u wont try :)
I had to accept defeat, though I did an internship abroad. It felt delusional, but I am grateful I had that possibility. But I also had to learn to be brave. I found the courage to leave the person I had been with for 6 years because I no longer loved him and I didn't want to illude him. It was a tough moment and I felt like a horrible person. I learnt to love again this year and I learnt to accept new challenges, I learnt not to hold my feelings again, and I feel blessed for it.
The election. Election night was so painful that I’ve only recently started being able to talk / think about it without getting very depressed. It affected the whole country. It’s affected my relationship with my mother. I still feel so betrayed by her support of Trump. No amount of me telling her how much it could hurt me or my marriage to David would get her to even listen to me. She insisted that I was ‘brainwashed’ by the mainstream media.
The moment I found out I was pregnant. It effected me in every way possible. I'm so grateful for this miracle that is growing in me!
I sold my flat. Elated after a struggle trying to sell it.
i ended my marriage. it was hard, and challenging, and immensely rewarding. i dreaded it, and was numbed and shut down leading up to the "conversation". afterwards- i found a deep sense of peace. and then joy, and laughter, and love for everything came flooding back into my life. i am so grateful!!
My grandma passed away this year. It was my most significant death of my life yet I feel I have not mourned accordingly. The timing was terrible and perfect at the same time. It was her time and we all knew it was coming. She had been in hospice for 2 years. I think it will be many years until I fully come to terms with her passing. And reflect fully the importance and impact she had on my life. No one will ever love me as much as she did. No one will ever tell me they love me as many times as she did, and mean it. I hope I didn't disappoint her by not having a Jewish boyfriend during her life (or mine). I still haven't fully processed her story and her pain. What she went through and what she lost. I hope we were enough for her, to partially fill that huge hole in her holocaust heart. I am inspired to life the life she couldn't live. Free from fear. Free from hatred. Free from judgement. Free from emptiness. But full of love, family, gold jewelry, elegant clothing, perfectly combed hair and cheese-less pizza.
This past year my boyfriend relapsed (after nearly 8 months of sobriety), ending our two year relationship. Initially, I was devastated and resentful. Nearly three months later, I am in the process of healing. I am taking steps each day to build my own inner peace and happiness. I am learning to let go of the things outside of my control and find joy in the present moment.
I struggled with severe and debilitating anxiety for several months. It was the scariest thing I've ever experienced. I felt helpless, out of control and near death. I couldn't function as a wife or a mother. I couldn't eat nor sleep. I have since moved past it hopefully for good. I certainly have a much different understanding of mental illness and a much deeper love for my husband.
I joined a band with a bunch of driven people and we're doing well; Crashing Atlas. This could be the chance I've been looking for to play music for a living. #inspired
The election. Need I say more. It rocked my world and I don't know if I can live as carefree again. On the one hand, it has inspired me and led me to engage with others as passionate about fighting this rise of nationalism and neo-fascism. On the other hand, it has touched in me places of deep pessimism and despair about the human condition. I have felt much more anger every day this year than I have ever felt before and I grow more resentful about this difficult emotion. Sometimes the anger leads me to engage in important action but sometimes it just sits uncomfortably inside of me.
DT became president. I am not grateful. I am apprehensive. But yes I am inspired to more political activity myself when I am in the US and when I am at home.
Well, I turned 50! I'm grateful to be alive and in good health. Something about 50 made me think about looking forward to what I want the next 50 years to look like. I wish I had done that for the previous 50 years, but, oh well. I guess I could say I'm inspired. Grateful. Relieved.
Speaking at the memorial service for two friends within a five day period. The death of two close friends, just a year after we lost another, has made me think more about mortality and loss than I have in a long time. I was grateful to have the opportunity to participate, but resentful that these friends are gone way too soon. The only relief is that all three fought painful battles with cancer and that they are now at peace... It's an almost worn out cliche', but, truly, make every day count and never sweat the small stuff.
My youngest granddaughter expressed that she felt it's important for us to spend time together. This warmed my heart.
Deterioration of spouses health over past year. Has obviously had a negative effect on both our lives and I hate to admit feeling somewhat resentful.
Almost a year ago, I decided to resign from the first school I taught at. It was so scary and I still shiver when I cross people on the street who look like my superiors, but I am so glad I did it. I ended up on a school where I felt appreciated and supported. I stopped having regular panic attacks and enjoyed going to work. When I add the school I work at right now to the comparison, where even class management feels easy, I see that I have grown so much since last year.
This year my wife and I celebrated our 5 yr wedding anniversary. We decided to celebrate a few months earlier by summiting Mt Shasta. Closer to our actual anniversary we went out to dinner and I need to clear my conscious on a few things that were bugging me. I realized that we (my wife and I) weren't talking as much. As a family we were strong but as a couple, I thought we were struggling. I decided to talk to her about this during dinner which probably wasn't the best time given we had a few drinks already but the conversation was necessary. She responded well and acknowledged the challenges that we were facing. Since then, we've had more conversations and dedicated more time to each other. I'm happy :)
It has to be the combination of Trump being elected and the dog's dinner that the Tories are making of BREXIT. I'm usually a glass half full kind of person but it's hard to see how things can get better in the short term and the long term damage is unmeasurable. World War III anyone?
We got pregnant! I am so grateful, excited, and cautiously optimistic. At time of writing this answer, eight weeks.
Beginning on New Year's Day 2017, I set new boundaries in my relationships, both with individuals and with institutions or organizations that had left me feeling bullied or manipulated and used. I had become aware that in many relationships, I was being told, not asked, sometimes bullied, sometimes pushed around, and often interrupted or dismissed while still expected to serve and submit. I realized that in my conversations with friends and acquaintances, I was often asked (i.e. told) to "do" something, but rarely asked how I "am." I was seen as a valuable and useful resource, but not really seen. So, on New Year's Day, I created new boundaries and distance between myself and the people or organizations treating me carelessly. I went away for a spa weekend by myself, I took long walks and listened to audio books, I enjoyed bubble baths, I nurtured relationships with supportive friends and family, I re-evaluated the organizations that have historically received my loyalty and support in terms of time and money, I curled up on the couch to read good books, I cooked delicious meals, I hosted friends and family in my home, I worked to make my space beautiful and comforting, and I silently and deliberately said 'no' to many people and things. I held my ground. I spent more time alone. I spent more time in silence. The results have been amazing. Once again, I can hear the only two voices that matter - my voice and God's voice. I didn't realize how many voices were drowning out His voice and mine until I silenced the negative voices by holding my ground and saying 'no.' "Ahhh, Peace. Spirit. Calm. Safety. Direction. Growth. Love. Hello, old friends. I've missed you." I created space in my life for what my soul really needs. I am relieved. I am grateful. I am inspired. I am whole.
I went to VONA! I didn't expect it to change me as profoundly as it did, and now I have a renewed sense of wanting to write more, write better, and write more freely. I didn't realize I needed love in the ways that it gave me, and I didn't realize how much of myself I had to hide to be able to survive every day.
Casting off the house in WA was an ordeal! I can see how I changed throughout the year in response to it. First miserable and unbelieving, bombastic, even. Then increased desperation as months went by. Then betrayed as it became clear my own rental manager was in on it. It was frightening to close down the bank account July first, thought I would arrested. Then it was months of handling creditors calls and mail. The steps were outrageous, the place is sold as is, then the lender makes requirements the day they should be signing! Was that three or four buyer offers before it stuck? Maybe I finally developed a bit of a thicker skin. This would be a good outcome. Maybe some confidence from simply not losing the house...it was that close. That seems like relief more than confidence. So, lessons? MUST keep cash aside if there is a rental involved. Can't be hand to mouth on the big items. Did I have the right agent? She was pretty mild, as she is. Would want more of fighter, think. So our huge plan to move to SC is rolling along. The next month wil tell the tale!
Significant - Elle's health and move to CT. The daily issues with pain and emotional well being or lack thereof. Her panic attack while I was out of town, frantic phone calls from a hotel room (me) while she took herself to the ER. The gracious and loving empathy and willingness to take her in shown by my college roommate at a stressful time in her life. And the ultimate decision by my daughter to quit her job, come home and seek exceptional medical care. She was right about her body after 14 months of doctors telling her nothing was wrong - surgery confirmed that and we are all so grateful and relieved.
One significant experience was seeing Donald Trump elected president. The last 9 months have been scary to say the least. Huge doses of nationalism and barely veiled racism. I worry for the future...this president has opened the doors for the hateful, racist, greedy, selfish, ignorant populations of the US to come into the mainstream. We are heading down a dark path. I am left frightened. Another significant experience was finally taking a canoe trip down one of the MN water trails with my boy. Nothing life changing, but significant none the less as we will both remember it fondly.
I started out thinking that I didn't have anything significant in the past year, but I have- I started seeing a therapist. She has been an amazing force for good in my life. She has helped me figure out why I feel certain ways about things. She has helped me find ways to resolve those feelings. I'm relieved in a way. I look forward to seeing her. But it's also hard. She has challenged me to change.
Many of the big changes and events this year centered around my daughters. My older daughter had her bat mitzvah last November and it was an amazing, memorable occasion. Both of my daughters changed schools this year (middle school, high school), and the time changes allowed me to go back to work full-time. It's been a year filled with changes and new experiences, and change can be hard sometimes. But I'm so proud of the young women that my children are turning into and the independence they're achieving. Sometimes I long for the days when they were little, but I love talking and learning with these new young adults.
Sam went off to college this fall. I am so proud of all he has accomplished so far and excited to watch him grow and explore his newly found independence.
I went to Europe in August. I borrowed money to make it happen, and I was completely present while there. I didn't worry about money, or school, or the future. I just walked streets, ate good food, slept in hotels and hostels, drank coffee and practiced speaking other languages. I got to hang out with Marine's family and friends. I got to play with babies. I got to be useful and helpful and I got to dance the night away with a longtime friend who I adore and respect so deeply. I took care of myself. I am incredibly thankful for the opportunity, and I am trying to ride the high of that experience as long as I can.
I had cancer, and now I don't. A second "scare" and biopsy in June. Now I get to take hormones-yes! I have grown my private practice into something ! The agency work is declining and transyouth are now significant IN MY WORK-YEA!
This year has been all about my baby. Last year was all about being pregnant. Together they make up such a significant portion of my memory that I'm overwhelmed sometimes. I've never had such fullness in my heart before or such fear. Before baby, I felt this emptiness. This loneliness that I recognized as the space where my mom used to be. That space is so full now. I'm grateful to my mother this year bc I had an idea of how much she loved me in her life, but I had no real way to comprehend it. This year I found out how much my mom loved me and it inspires me to love my baby even more.
Going down to Louisiana after Peter died made me think deeply about loss and connection and the way that we know each other and don't know each other. I felt taken out of my life and set into a surreal place with people I didn't know and had to depend on. I felt deep deep grief for the way that I had let myself do less than I could have. I wish I had known him better for the good things--his work and his friends, but also for the deeply disfunctional aspects of his life. I wish I could have helped him. I feel deep regret and also a deeper understanding of how there is no future in which we will work out our salvation, the moment is now, as James Baldwin said.
I decided to leave the Progressive congregation I had attended for 9 years here in Budapest, Hungary. In fact, I had been contemplating the decision for years because, as a lay leader and a person, I had had conflicts with the rabbi. Finally, a relatively minor problem affecting a friend of mine tipped the scale. I wrote an official letter of resignation to the board, and a short frank letter to the rabbi in which I told her how I see her and what I think the problem is. In the course of that, I got even more convinced of how very much I dislike hypocrites and pretentious people. I left and went to a more traditional congregation because I had friends there. Naturally, I was afraid. But I managed to more or less find my place in the new congregation... Also, there's the advantage that I have since been learning a few things of Judaism outside the Progressive movement. I'm still committed to Reform because of its egalitarianism and other things, though. Another thing is that, over the past few months, I developed a close relationship with a gay man - not for the first time - and, in the course of this, I received an even clearer picture of myself and of what kind of relationships I tend to prefer; always with people who reject intimacy. I'm now trying hard to accept and create a larger distance between us, to severe myself from him as a sole emotional resource. I am also planning to make an effort to do this on a more general level, too, with the help of my therapist. To tell the truth, at the moment, I am completely at a loss as to how to do this thing which is downright impossible to me. And it is so frightening I don't like to think about it, in fact, I don't know what to think. I don't know any other way to "operate" as a person, I am disinterested in relationships that are not like that. I don't have significant experiences any more, I have the feeling that everything goes round and round in the same circle. It's bitter and desperate. (Now it occurs to me that it was nice to be in Vienna with him. But it was with him, too.)
In August, we traveled to Oregon to see the total solar eclipse. Austin, Sagan, Rory, Pitter, Gran, Josh, and I were all in Salem for the event, and it was the coolersf, weirdest, most memorable thing of the year. I'm so glad we got to see it together.
Well, it's gotta be the election of Donald Trump. I'm dismayed that this can happen in a modern era and scared for the future of our country and the world. I'm also honestly shutting myself off from the news recently. I feel like I need to care for myself, my husband, my kids, and my family in general. I want to make a difference in the ways that I can.
I met a guy and have started a relationship. We live in different cities and so it's a slow build. It is such a mix of emotions, from; excitement and butterflies, comfort and companionship, to; nervousness and anxiety, frustration and fear. Some days I feel that I would rather be single again than feel the way I do being with him. Other days I feel that I owe it to myself to make it work.
We moved out of Coventry and to Saratoga Springs, NY. I lived in many different places and states, but this is the first time I felt "right" here...at home...belonging. I have a great view of Saratoga Lake, found some money making opportunities and learned that no matter how far down you go, you can always come back up!
My significant other and I decided to not have children. We have made a plan to inform his parents who are very hopeful and inquire often about grandchildren. We also discussed steps for permanent nonhormonal birth control. I am EXTREMELY grateful to my significant other for being open to discussing alternative options other than hormonal birth control. I am also very grateful and relieved that we are on the same page about the decision in the first place. This was not an easy decision by any means.
the biggest: my mother's steep decline and passing in the nursing home (at age 93) where she didn't want to be. still trying to reconcile the guilt, the relief, and the new family dynamic with my brothers now that the holidays are on the horizon. it will be the first thanksgiving and christmas that have not been hijacked by family obligation.
I think I've started hitting dark, emotional rock bottoms, where my alcoholism and drug abuse really tangibly ruin things in my life. Whether that was breaking up with Emma in what was probably the worst weekend of my life, or fucking up on assignments really clearly because I chose to get drunk, or spending a month blasted on heroin, or shitting on the floor (twice, on two separate occasions), it's definitely impossible for me to pretend that I'm just a casual user–even to people who don't know about addiction. I feel empty, hollow, and weak, though, because I don't think that I'll really find a way out of this.
I made Manager at work. I have really learned from being a supervisor how to communicate and not micro-manage. I feel the challanges I have met have helped me grow and I actuallly look forward to being even more of an example and leader for my team.
The disastrous election. I've never been very politically active, but when the results of that presidential election unfolded, I felt an overwhelming sense of near-hopelessness. The *minute* I heard about the Women's March the day after inauguration day, I KNEW I was going. And I did -- didn't know a soul with me, but that was fine -- I made a lot of new friends! The whole experience was a highlight of my life. I felt a kinship with everyone there, and a sense of empowerment was in the air. There was NO violence whatsoever; folks were kind and helpful. I've remained more politically active since, as well. I've attended some local meetings, I've called my congressmen -- something I have never really done much. So even in light of the disaster currently residing in our White House, I have hope that the next elections will have a different outcome. And that bigotry, racism, misogyny, and "white supremacy" will soon become a thing of the past.
I finished the second draft of my novel. I'm grateful to have finished it; I'm disappointed that there's so much work left to do! But I am going to keep working on it.
Active in caring for my Mother. I'm glad for the extra time to enjoy and spoil her.
I met someone, and dated long-distance for a few months. It turned out to not be a good relationship. I was very disappointed and sad when it didn't turn out to be good, but at the same time I was equipped with experience and a support network that helped me get through the sadness much easier and faster than in the past.
My youngest sister died in May. I am left with a much smaller family, just my brother and myself. I wasn't close to any of my family since I live on the other side of the country from all of them, but none the less, I do care about and miss them all. It is heartbreaking that we are almost all gone.
I started a new job this past December and I am so grateful to get out of my old job. This environment has no stress and the job is really easy. I would read my old 10Q questions and year after year it would say that I wanted a new job and for various reasons I could not just quit my old one. I know I don't want to be in the corporate world ultimately but at least I don't feel stressed. I'm inspired to follow my heart and be true to myself and find my passion.
The divorce process and how I went to "divorce school" in LA County and put in over 100 hours of work. I actually feel all four emotions--grateful, definitely relieved, and inspired, but also resentful...because, well, I'm human. I resented him for putting me through this and I resented myself for choosing to marry him. I'm in the process of fully letting go of the resent, which isn't easy, but it's completely necessary so I can experience total freedom from him. I made the decision to unfollow him on all social media and not contact him for the next year. I did enough work trying to *not* upset him during the divorce process, and I had to constantly balance my compassion for him while never backing down from what I wanted. And now that he is GONE from LA, I will not give him anymore of my emotional real estate. Not my time, not my energy, not my emotions. I don't wish him harm. I just don't want him in my life anymore. I want to fully SHED him from my life. And I must say, it feels truly empowering to set these new boundaries and finally begin to live my life on my own terms.
Within ten days both my wife's and my son's cars were totaled. I am grateful that neither of them were at all hurt. I am disappointed with the insurance settlements and lateness of their payments, but relieved that the incidents only hurt us financially and not physically.
I finished my first year of grad school. This event deeply affected me emotionally and mentally. Emotionally, I struggled a lot, to find my feet, my confidence, my faith in my ability to produce quality work, it somehow forced me to confront my deepest insecurities. It also opened my mind to deeper and more reflective thinking about the world I live in, and how this world works and why. My perspective on my life and the world has forever been altered. I don't yet know exactly how to put my new knowledge into action but I am definitely a different thinker than I was before. I feel relieved to have finished one year, avoidant/anxious of this last year, sometimes inspired, and sometimes resentful. It's all a mixed bag of nuts.
My oldest daughter graduated high school and went to college. I wish we were closer, but doesn't every mom. I wish she was home sick. I wish she did not have mono. I feel like I do not have real connections with people and I feel like that my entire life. Just depressing to think about. I know O am better off than most people but can't help thinking I am missing out.
Getting a number in the NYC marathon. I've always been a runner, but a full marathon scared me. I have loved every second of training thus far and made some Amazing friends along the way. I'm grateful, relieved, and inspired.
My dad passed away on his 91st Birthday. I had many emotions..... sorrow at the top because while had dementia for the last 10 years he was still my guiding light and my hero. I'm all the emotions listed above as I was grateful that I had over 50 years with him, glad that he seemed to pass on his own terms, sad and relieved for my mom who took amazing care of him for a long time and did it with only love but now it's time for her to move forward. While it does t always look like it sometimes, I want to do better in his memory.
I got a really amazing placement with my new advisor, Dr. C, all through some proactive work on my part. I changed my topic from circumcision risks and benefits educational pamphlet to something I've been wondering about: health care disparities for children in the foster care system. I am very grateful, relieved, and inspired, and I have been doubly happy that the placement, with the SF public health dept., has been going so swimmingly. Now I just need to finish up my paper, and get started with the study part of this research!
I successfully advocated for myself to not get a hysterectomy for the past two years and finally found a doctor that could perform a more non-invasive test to give me answers as to whether I had cancer. I am grateful to the doctor, inspired by my ability to believe in myself, resentful that so many doctors didn't know what to do and mostly relieved that I didn't have cancer again. The moral, don't ever give up on your own best instincts when you know what is right for you! Find others who believe in you and draw strength and knowledge from them.
I made the decision that I want to be an elementary teacher. I have been flirting with the idea for awhile. I am now committed to the change even though I can't do it immediately. It has been hurting my insides knowing that I am not leaving as being a legacy. I have not done anything to really effect positive change in this messed up world. Becoming a teacher will be my opportunity to do something good to imprint the next generation in a positive way.
Our JCC received a bomb threat last winter, along with a lot of JCCs. This experience went on and on for about 4 months. Almost no day during that time was unaffected by this threat. If we weren't reviewing new procedures with staff, We were answering questions from our board or our preschool parents or our staff's parents, or We were responding to the FBI. There was almost zero chance that there would be an actual bomb, but it was still an existential threat. Some people envisioned our entire 150,000 sf facility reduced to rubble. If enough people were scared to come to the JCC, that would be far more damaging than a typical backpack bomb. During this time, only one community leader reached out to us - a rabbi who wanted "some scary stories" to add to his sermon. Pissed me off. And then saddened me. Couldn't they imagine what we were going through? What kind of "community" is this? And then the final indignity. The perpetrator of all this angst is an Israeli kid with a computer. Suddenly the air's out of this balloon - somehow it hadn't actually been a threat because of who was behind it. I disagree. People at my JCC were terrorized. People who were paying attention saw just how vulnerable we really all are.
In the past year, I started a new job after being unemployed for 5 months. While many people would say they are grateful or excited about something like this, I'm actually resentful of it. I started a new job doing something very similar to my previous job, despite telling myself that I wasn't all that interested in doing something like that again. Unfortunately, I couldn't seem to be given a chance doing something else because my background proved that I was good at this one thing, soI was pigeonholed and couldn't seem to catch a break from anyone who thought I might be able to try and excel at something new.
There are so many different experiences I have had in the past year that have felt significant. One that has happened most recently, was that my ex boyfriend who was previously the love of my life, came out to me. I have truly believed even when we were broken up that he was the one. The person. The end of my looking and I had found him when I was 18. Turns out that's not even close to true. At first this was terribly difficult to process and understand or handle. At my core I am so happy that he knows himself. But I am terribly sad for myself. Reconciling those two experiences is hard. Each time we hang out, I get more acclimated to this new reality. I am grateful for our now soon to be never ending best friendship. I am sad for my loss, but I am hopeful in my heart that when I recover, I can find that new soul mate. That new person who will fill that now empty void? It is weird but I am grateful to live where my ex does so that we can build a new chapter of our lives together, even if it isn't what I thought it might be.
Pat and I broke up in April. It shook me, threw me into a depression, but also made me take some necessary, healthy actions. I started going to therapy more consistently and starting taking medicine, which helped with the depression. (To be honest, I was depressed long before we broke up - the relationship ending was just the straw that broke the camels back) I became more in touch with my self - my natural inclinations, tendencies, and fears. I faced my emotions and realized that I'm okay on my own. I struggled with separation anxiety and I think that I finally addressed that. The break up forced me to find a new apartment and really look at my life on an individual scale, rather than in a relationship. I became more self-sufficient and calmer. Four months later, Pat and I are actually talking and spending time together again. I think that I needed to be on my own in order to be able to be a good partner (as cliche as that sounds). Now, I am extremely grateful for being in his life and view him as an individual, rather than using the relationship (and him) as a crutch. Overall, the experience was one of the most life changing things I've ever gone through. It was not easy in the slightest, but now that I'm on the other side, I'm grateful for the growth. If we didn't break up, I would have probably kept sliding and becoming more dependent and less mentally healthy. It could have become even more toxic, ruining any chances for future reconnection.
Donald Trump got elected. I am neither grateful, nor relileved. I am inspired to work harder to minimize the impact of this disaster
Well - how do I begin? This year I was diagnosed with an aggressive, rare cancer, and I'm still in the middle of the experience. I had three operations this summer, and I am currently waiting to find out if I will require a fourth. My world has shrunk inwards. There are no longer years of holidays, family, and reviewing 10Qs. Instead, there is only today.
I'm going through a break up, turning 50 and the summer is almost over. i have not had a bout of depression like this in 10 years. I hope that this is a chance to work through some things and come out healthier, mentally, on the other side
The trip to New Orleans. That city blew me away and I can’t wait to go back. I think a lot of the fun was the people I went with, we were all there to have a good time, but each on our own terms. I wish I ‘d gotten to see more of the city sorroundings. Maybe next time. I ‘m glad I stayed away from that awful sounding party street though, so to me the city is nothing but beautiful. I’m grateful to have a job that let’s me go halfway around the world just to listen to people talk at a conference.
I can't say that I've had just one significant experience that has happened in the past year. I've had so many experiences that have changed my life. I continued to face prejudice, racial profiling, and touristic scams in a foreign country. These experiences has taught me to pick myself up and carry on with my head held high. Needless to say, I decided to stay in Russia because I have fallen in love with the people and the culture. Yes, there had been people who didn't treat me so well, but not all people are bad. I have met some of the kindest people here, and life is a lot better here than back in the U.S. where I was originally from. I went to Germany during the New Year holiday to meet a man that I had met online. I really wanted things to work out, but I ended up being hurt along the process. This experience has taught me to never destroy myself over a man who isn't worth anything. I joined a gym, and worked with a personal trainer. I saw amazing results, but I developed feelings for my trainer along the process. Needless to say, things didn't end very well. I've leaned that I shouldn't get too close to anyone and cross that boundary of letting my guard down for anyone, especially a man. I began to go to parties, nightclubs, and other social events out in the city, and I learned how to socialize for the very first time. I've met many interesting people, but I've also met a young man who was interested in me at first but then broke my heart. Because of so much heartache I have experienced this past year, I feel into a deep spiral of depression and slowly gained back all the weight I had lost before. I've also realized that my food addiction has gotten worse in the past year, and that I keep using food to numb my feelings. I went to Peru this summer, and met my dad's side of the family. I even went to Machu Picchu with my dad for the first time, and it was truly a magnificent experience. But I've noticed that my dad is getting old. It's a harsh reality that I'm still not ready to accept. But I guess the most significant experienced that has happened to me is when I turned 25. I know it's just a number, but I've realized that I'm also getting older and that life is way to short to be chasing after men who are no good for me or to wait around for other people to make me happy. I'm grateful for all of the life experiences - both good and bad - that have happened in the past year. With each life experience, I have learned a valuable lesson that came along with it.
This has been a challenging year on many levels. A new boss who is terrible, a new working environment and the shift of all my close colleagues. OPATS is not the same and the leadership is just terrible. As a consequence, rather than seeing though my extension, I have been sunset and am intensely searching for the next thing. I am struggling a bit because there were some positions which seemed like such good fits and I was not even considered or was a finalist. At home its obvious that Tim is not going to follow thought with anything in relationship to Noah and just wants to be an observer. He hasn't been paying for things, doesn't help with getting to or picking him up from Pallotti. I went to a lawyer and he should be getting the divorce agreement today or tomorrow
I lost my father in May. I was defined by him, and I honestly don't know who I am without him. It has made me question everything about my life as it is right now; the brevity of life, the meaning of life, whether I'm living my life authentically ... the list goes on and on. I have a feeling that 2018 will be a year for personal changes in my life, although I don't know exactly how those will play out.
My son Jake had his Bar Mitzvah in September! It was AMAZING! Jake is beginning to find his voice as an adult- starting to take more responsibility and beautifully interacting in front of a group. He song led the service and showed his depth and love of Judaism. It made me proud and so happy! I am grateful that he is my son and that he took this experience so seriously and learned and taught and shared! I am SO relieved it is now over - but the reward of his event is that he is showing how amazing he can be! I hope I remember the day for a long time!
I had many significant experiences last year. 1. I lost my job with Holiday through a reduction in force. It was devastating and personal. 2. I broke up with Kevin when I found out he had been cheating on me and discovered what a narcissist he is. Also devastating since our relationship had stabilized. 3. Jake, somewhat unexpectedly, moved out to live with Ashley. Devastating only in that he felt he had to lie to me about it until it was a done deal. All of these things felt horrible at the time. I was very resentful of the job loss as it seemed very targeted and created a trust concern for me. Working in this economy is very employer driven and challenging when it comes to building professional relationships. I really value loyalty in my life. Where is there a healthy place for than in work? As for the relationship thing, I have shown another not great choice to the door. I don't seem to be able to control the timing of these things, but I am glad to have the personal strength to make these choices. I hope I get better at choosing. Jake, where do I start. Why lie? All kids leave. Don't be passive aggressive. Don't lie, Don't be unreliable. I am so proud of how he is in the world, but so devasted and saddened by how he treats me. 4. I started a new job in January with Providence. Although very burnt and very reluctant to drink the koolaid, I really like it here. They really seem to like me and recognize my strengths and there are paths of upward mobility for me. For this outcome from #1, I am grateful.
“Oh my gosh. I can’t believe it! Are you seeing this?! LOOK AT GOD” As the moon devoured the sun on August 21, 2017 to create totality, I found myself in its path. In the seconds that led up to those less than 3 minutes of total darkness, birds began singing their night songs, insects began coming alive with their summer night melodies, and I found myself in complete moment of profound-ness. As the darkness swept across the neighborhood, a swift, crisp wind began to blow through. I felt as though this wind was coming up from the Earth, coursing through my very soul-the essence of that I am- and connecting me to the heavens. This sensation was almost like the universe itself was taking my whole being and pointing it to the sky. As my mail-woman jumped out of her truck, she began yelling: “Oh my gosh. I can’t believe it! Are you seeing this?! LOOK AT GOD”. In that moment, my chakras exploded and became supercharged. I felt more connected to God, to Philip, to Liz, to every living thing. It WAS a true psychedelic experience and the most profound moment of my life. I hope to still draw inspiration from it.
I started a new job that is both exciting and scary. I am grateful for the opportunity and the chance Casey and Dan have given me. I am inspired to help small business and my family.
This year I met kevin. In June. I'm grateful, relieved and inspired. As we go into the Jewish new year I'm hopeful that he will join me on my Jewish journey. But I'm coming to terms with what it will mean if he doesn't. I'll still get the Jewish family I want but the support will be very different. That makes this new year extremely thought provoking for both of us.
Going to see Angles In America has left a big impression on me. Inspired me to create more, and made me feel alive and present in a way that's a bit hard to define. It moved me like nothing I've seen in a while.
Being part of the search process for our lead pastor... it has been an amazing adventure. Challenging at times, but full of uncovering new things about our community, myself and my faith, and doing all of that with a group of acquaintances who have now become family. So, so grateful to have been part of this process (and relieved we are now at the end of it!).
My partner got into remission from cancer. For this I am truly grateful but this is only the beginning. She is on an uphill journey to health and the system really struggled with catering to her needs. Be it medication or support. I am grateful she is better and yet resentful that she got sick. I had a contract role but it finished. I was grateful for the work and a bit annoyed that it finished.
A significant experience this past year is joining UBM as of January 9th, 2017. It was such a blessing to be laid off within 3 months from Funrise at the end of 2016. I told myself I would not accept a job just for the money - that I was looking for something deeper. I then thought hard about what I was looking for in my next gig -- and that was beyond the $...it was the PEOPLE. I then reached out to Howard, my former rep for Licensing Expo, because I had such an amazing time working with him and on the event I thought perhaps that would be a good fit...and it was!!! I am so happy here, which is important because you spend majority of your week at work! I never thought I'd work with such a talented, nice, encouraging group of people. It makes my overall life so much better because I am less stressed, less paranoid, and not as annoyed all the time! In turn has also helped my relationship with my boyfriend, mother, family and friends overall positive!
Turning 60. It doesn't get more significant than that. Or does it? Is it really so different from 58 or 59, or even 61 or 62? It's not really, but then again it is. We're taught to measure our lives by decade milestones and 60 is perhaps the most significant of all as it marks the undeniable arrival of becoming old. I know that I'm not not yet old. I still feel pretty young at 60. But it's undeniable that I am now getting old and, regardless of how I feel, the world sees me as starting the downward slide of life, becoming less relevant, less vital. Wait, wait, I want to cry. I'm far from done yet. There's still so much I want to do...I have to do. That song that's been in my head every Rosh Hashana for as long as I can remember — "At last for those who die with all their music in them" —is reaching its crescendo, the chorus swelling, the drums beating louder awaiting the final cymbals' clang ...or will it be the small, dull plink of the last key of the piano, no foot pressing down the pedal to preserve the sound? I must vow to make the most of the next 20 or 30 years, wasting not a moment.
Losing Meme was one of the most painful things I've ever experienced. I felt (and to some extent still feel) regret having not talked to her or seen her more. There's so much I wish I could say to her, so much I wish that we could've done. Since her death, I've been trying not to place blame on myself and to use my pain for good. I've tried channeling my grief into my agoraphobia recovery, using her as a guiding light through this struggle.
I turned 30 and I'm ok with it. As women we are forced fee this idea of by 30 if you're not married and have children then no one is gonna want you. I moved to May at 27 and made it my own by 30. I've gained more confidence then ever before, and I look damn good while doing it. Turning 30 has affected me in a postive way. I want people to change the views of what they think a woman in her 30's is supposed to look like, act like, or even if she's in a relationship or not. I'm so excited for what the future has in store for me.
We moved to chihuahua. It was a lot harder than I thought. To be far away from family and friends. My kids are still small so a little help is always useful. I tried to do everything by myself as if I was left alone at the middle of the desert. I wept as I hadn't for a long time. I felt useless and hopeless.
My panic attacks finally went away. I mean I am cured. Something happened and they just vanished. Their leaving concurred with my starting to learn Norwegian so I wonder if there is a connection. I am grateful. I am 33 and I am just now experiencing life without a constant daily overlay of panic and anxiety. It's like being reborn.
Well, the glaringly obvious catastrophic meteor strike of an answer is the results of the 2016 election. It feels like longer ago, but I think it was actually "in the past year." It has not directly affected me in a material way, yet, but I have been living with a sort of constant background horror and anxiety ever since.
I don't think it's one significant experience for me this time. Everything this year has been so amazing. Lots of healing events that came through travel, daily missions to the store, biking in the heat, selling comics, and other stuff like that has helped me become more comfortable with myself and others.
Well the most obvious is the election of Donald Trump. I was shocked, I think along with pretty much everyone I know. The day immediately after the election, weary from watching election returns all night I got on a train to NYC to go to a meeting for work. While on the train, I got to talking to the man sitting next to me. He felt the same as I did-- a mixture of shock and concern for our country. I remember his explanation clearly, though--"There's a lot of anger out there." While I agreed with him, I'm not sure I fully understood this until this past summer seeing the videos and photographs of the white men in khakis and white shirts chanting "Jews will not replace us' and holding signs about how "Jews are descended from Satan". It's horrifying how angry people are and how they need to place blame for all the things that aren't going right on groups of people who are different from them-- Latinos, Blacks, muslims, immigrants, Jews, women,... It's truly troubling times we're in and I'm afraid while trying to find hope in the large groups, really masses of people who feel the same way.
The birth of my daughter - and I am so thankful! All we went through, infertility and miscarriage, with her possibly having a lung tumor or a heart or brain malformation.. and with the pregnancy - the Hyperemesis, her being breech, losing my job... Mikayla Anne is the best thing to ever happen to me!!!
In the past year, I heard back from every single college I applied to, the first of which was my absolute number one school...which I didn't get into. I remember being completely distraught. I was sitting in the den with my mother at the time, watching TV, and I kept watching for five or ten minutes just hoping to ignore what I'd just read, and then I went right upstairs and took out my physics homework even though it was Christmas break and start working on it, because that had to be why I hadn't gotten in--because I hadn't worked hard enough, because I'd done things like watch television instead of work on my homework. Of course, three or four months later I heard back from Cornell, and now here I am, and I can't be more thankful that I didn't get into Yale.
The biggest thing that happened to me this past year is purchasing a house together with my daughter. I have to say, it was a very stressful experience and I did not know if we would be able to do it - and remodel the basement into my apartment. I am extremely grateful that it did work and that I will be able to complete the basement remodel into my "forever home". It gives me great peace of mind to know that as I age, my family will be nearby. I worry a bit because it has taken ALL of my money - and then some - to get this done, but overall, I am grateful. It is a beautiful home in a beautiful area - I look forward to exploring more!
I slipped back into my eating disorder. It isn't as bad as it has been in the past but I'm still so upset that I let myself relapse. I can't even remember why I did it now. I think it was for an event that I didn't even end up going to financial problems. I regret it so much because I still haven't gone back to how well I was doing previously.
pulled my back out, and it ended up being a pinched nerve that caused my Left foot to go numb. After 2 Epidurals in my back, the second one took. I had to go to PT. It was awful not being able to walk much without my foot going numb. I am so grateful the second epidural worked.
Running my first half marathon (the DC Rock and Roll half) was one of the proudest moments of my life this year. It was the culmination of so much determination, hard work, and support from my circle of friends doing the race with me. The rock and roll half/5k crew encouraged me and held me accountable. I am incredibly grateful for the experience of completing this physical FEAT in 26 degree weather. It was only a few years ago that I watched my first race (the St. Louis half marathon) and was in awe of all the runners. I never, ever imagined that I would be able to do what they did. And I mother fucking made it my new years resolution and DID THAT. I felt so inspired and physically/mentally tough as I kept my body moving through that race. I took in the views of my wonderful city, Washington D.C., and all of the funny/punny signs (which were so hilariously political - e.g., "If Trump can run, so can you!"). I felt so happily in my body even though by the end I was ready to literally shut down, ha. To cap it all off I got to feast with all of my best friends from high school to college. I could not have had more fun living my values (physical endurance, discipline, teamwork, resilience, and fun). I can't wait for my NEXT half - in less than 3 weeks! Look at me... I'm a muthafuckin runner!
I converted. My reaction was different than I expected, less powerful. But when I'm at services or reading something Jewish-related, I can feel very connected to my people.
My son was accepted into Med school and the University had a ceremony whereby the med students would have jackets put on them by the faculty and the parents could hear the students recite the Hippocratic Oath to the assembly. He worked very hard to get accepted and I was thrilled to be invited to watch him embark on his new adventure.
I had surgery, a craniotomy, to remove a small brain tumor that was not cancerous. The tumor was causing me great facial pain due to its position near the nerve. I am incredibly grateful that a medical resolution was possible, and they completed with no complications. I am alive! I am free of pain! The process of recovery was not something I could understand until I experienced it - the fatigue, and impact of drugs. Just took longer than I expected to get back to myself. And, in that recovery time, many things that I typically managed slipped past me. Financial things personally and at work. Still catching up. And, so so so grateful that I had the surgery!
Moving back to Australia I'm grateful for the work opportunity, for my friends and to spend more time with family. I'm resentful towards my boss who couldn't manage her business that lead to this decision, and I'm fearful that I've caged myself into an industry with nowhere to go in Australia
Over the last year I became closer friends with several people. These friendships over the year continued to overwhelm me with gratitude as I knew that I had many people constantly supporting and loving me. It has been a difficult transition since the end of last semester, as most of these people graduated and moved to different parts of the country and other stopped speaking to me. Coming back to school without those who I had learned to count on was and continues to be difficult, but I am relieved and happy that though my friends who graduated are no longer here physically, they all stay in touch and I can still count on them.
There are several. I again was able to get the lead in a musical! It was a great experience which I truly enjoyed. I think it deepened my appreciation for the theater and the responsibility of performers to their audience. The experience of a total eclipse was inspirational. Experiencing it in the company of others only made it all the better. It was interesting that I thought I might become an eclipse chaser, but there's so much to see in the world, Karen brought me back to earth on that one, for which I'm grateful. Reviewing last years's Question One was a revelation and a bit sad. I still visit Dad every week when I'm in town, but looking at the level of lucidity then vs. now reminds me that dementia doesn't really improve. I am grateful that I have been keeping journal of my visits, though, which documents those most memorable moments.
Bye to relationship feels freeing. Happy it's over. Happy inside for my puppy. Fulfilled having her in my life.
There were several significant experiences. I went to Rockfest and to the Heartland Pride Festival. I met a lady there, Dani. We hung out for awhile, but it didn't quite work out. We got a car loan and bought the trailblazer, but the beetle and the amigo are both out for the count. I've been driving my brother Graydon's crappy ford with the broken door handles. I'm not complaining, just stating fact. I found the green that I was looking for finally. Only took two years. We are in the process of saving up for the downpayment for a Semi truck. I am feeling fearful but hopeful at the same time.
Our company went under at the end of 2016. Though I'm thankful that I was brought on as a contractor at the acquiring company, it pushed me to move my life forward and fight for a new opportunity.
I lost my virginity this year. It was fumbling, took multiple tries and I cried so much the first time we tried that we had to stop. I was so scared about what this meant for me and how it would make me different - impure or weak willed. I wanted to wait until I was married but I sacrificed that for the person I loved because I know they love me completely (and had waited four and a half years). In the end I can celebrate our love. Feeling so deeply and eternally intertwined with my beloved has removed all my anxieties.
My Mama died. Heartbreak beyond words. I knew this was coming, and had thought a lot about what it might look and feel like - but nothing prepares you for watching your Mama die. And then after the intensity of watching and caring for her as she died, I have to get used to living in the world without a Mama. Who will tell me what kind of flowers are in my yard? Who do I call when my heart hurts? Watching death might be the most significant experience of my life. We sat at her bedside for 5 days as she faded away and were there as she took her last breath. During those 5 days, I changed her diapers, administered morphine, and cried and cried. I watched my dad's heart break. I watched him grieve with an ache that shook him. Watching him loose his wife and best friend was almost worse than loosing my Mama. How did it affect me ? It just changed me. I'm different now. I'm a girl without a Mama.
I admitted to my girlfriend and to my inner-most self that I am bi-sexual. For years I had struggled with my sexual identity, confused as to why I had attraction to both sexes. Many a night I lay awake and thought, "Why can't I just be clearly gay or straight?" Growing up in a very strict, episcopalian church that preached against the LGBT community, I refused to acknowledge any of my feelings and simply repressed. Now I realize that choosing to ignore a dilemma will simply make the challenge come back even stronger at a later date. I operated out of fear; loss of parents, loss of friends, loss of romantic involvements. Fear ran my life and as a result I was never truly able to become intimate with anyone. If I was unable to be honest with myself, how would I be able to be honest with another person? My girlfriend, who I love and who I am still with, made me realize that being myself was not only a huge turn on, but also required to live a productive and fearless existence. Sure, I haven't come out to my close friends or parents yet, but I do identify as Bi, and for me, that's enough right now. I can lay my head on the pillow every night knowing that I am honest with everyone in my life, including me.
The Most significant universally was, of course, the election; it has been a shattering experience, upending what in retrospect must have been complacency about what is in the heads of countless people; who knew? Significant, on a less grand level, was the birth of Liam in May; he's a darling smiler and the joy he gives makes for hope that normal life can also go in tandem with upheavals... Being appalled at our new and dismal Anti-people politics and joyful over the New baby vie inside of me...how long can A person sustain the bitterness before The joy comes along and--at least for a Time-- washes over? For that I am grateful; for the other, I am puzzled, hurt, with a feeling of 'this was Not supposed to be!'
This past year, I was lucky enough - and I truly mean lucky - to get to raft the Grand Canyon with 12 good friends from college. Spending two weeks rafting through the Canyon renewed my spirit in ways I did not anticipate. The Grand Canyon and its hundreds of adjoining secluded side canyons and creeks are profoundly beautiful. That wilderness where I went two weeks without seeing a manmade object other than those brought in by rafting groups and airplanes was awe-inspiring. Not awe inspiring in a meek sense of the word, but awe inspiring in the true sense. I felt closer to God, calmer in myself, more connected to my friends, and more thankful for my life and the fair Earth we live on than I had felt ever before. The trip was a joy. I am so thankful for collateral ways it has shaped my life - bringing me closer to friends, motivating me to get in better physical shape, and renewing my interest in environmental activism. The trip in itself, however, is a great gift I will treasure for the rest of my life.
Terra came into our life in the winter of 2017. Our relationship developed into something more and it the three of us started having mutual feelings. After honest conversations, Tina and I decided to open our marriage and hearts and started dating Terra. This experience has taught each of us so much about ourselves, what we want, what we need, how to be honest with communication (all the time), putting words to feelings and to look deep within when struggling with issues of fear, jealousy or inadequacy. I'm so grateful for this experience and that Tina and I trust and honor each other to invite a third person into our life in a way we had never expected. I feel a sense of relief that, with Terra, we will have a more realistic chance of getting our individual needs met.
I fell in love...with public transportation. Something about learning to navigate each city without the reliance upon the comfortability of Lyft & Uber began to really resonate. I realized it was a metaphor for my greater life. I found happiness and fulfillment when I tried new things, and they worked. Or, they didn't work, and I learned. Public transportation has become a way for me to learn a city in a way that the above ground routes don't quite foster. It's something I am very proud of, and I hope it continues to represent a greater theme of exploration of the uncomfortable in my life.
Election of donald trump! Resentful, and scared to death that he is so stupid
I became ill and I had to make the decision to leave my job. It has affected my self esteem in many ways, especially at first. The decision left me with a teeeible sense of uncertainty and I felt like a failure because I and the doctors have been unable to get my illness under predictable control. Also, I felt resentful when I would go through a particularly bad spell, and I was left too drained to do much of anything. I am grateful now, as my attention has shifted away from myself as a teacher (my job) and I am able to embrace other aspects of who I am...and spend more time with my grown children and granddaughter. My inspiration is to brace every day with joy and count my blessings for the gifts in my life.
I left the safety of a corporate job with a significant pay check to start my own business. I was terrified at first, when I am willing to admit it. I feel like a new man and energized by my passions and new found freedom. Sure, I still worry about the income from time to time. However, all signs are pointing to a fruitful and fulfilling future on my own.
The most significant experience of this year was the birth of my first granddaughter! It was amazing!! She is amazing!! And I was lucky enough to be there when she was born! I am also blessed enough to live so close to her that I get to see her almost daily and be a big part of her life. I am so grateful and am enjoying every moment with her! How truly blessed and grateful I am! Another significant event was the loss of my very good friend, Cindy. It was sad and difficult watching her die of cancer. It has been a horrible loss for me and has left a gabbing hole in my heart. I miss her terribly. She was the one I did so much with and it has left me at a real loss. It was the circle of life - my granddaughter was born on June 2nd and my friend passed away on June 9th, one week later. I am grateful she had been in my life and I am grateful for my granddaughter.
I experienced the bottom of my barrel. I was in a horrible place and I realized that I was becoming an alcoholic. I was drinking almost every single day. And a lot of those days I was going to bed with a good buzz on. Of course this was affecting my productivity in the evenings, and my next day at work. I was missing work, coming in late, and generally not doing a good job. I lack trust and am super good at disconnecting from people so I haven't really told anyone this. I've made jokes about leaning on the bottle too much, but I haven't been completely open and honest with anyone. Except for myself. I'm 16 days without alcohol. I'm not sure if I will quit completely. I enjoyed life when I could have a drink here or there. But I'm not sure I want to risk going back to the dark days. I want more from my life. I want to build a business. Alcohol doesn't want me to.
I think that the most significant event has not been a singular thing, but rather something gradually happening over time, and that has been the fact that I have almost religiously stuck to a work out routine to stay healthy. It's almost as if I have cemented into my head that I need to do this- I don't doubt it, it doesn't take much to motivate me to work out, and I do it 6-7 days a week, every week. But the funny thing is is that I can't tell if this has made me more insecure. I expected to feel more confident about myself, and to feel healthier. I certainly do feel healthier and more mobile and agile. And I guess I sometimes do feel more confident. But there are other times when I look in the mirror and still think I'm chunky or obese. Which is really absurd. 5 years ago going into college, I weighed 215. Now, I weight 172 lbs. I know that I'm not fat and I know I'm in much better shape, but I can't get myself to fully feel that way. I still resent myself at times for what I think I should be. Overall, I'm glad that I've decided to be healthy and that I have stuck to it. Sometimes, though, I wish that I would just let myself feel more comfortable in the body I have.
One significant experience from this past year is starting college. I am so grateful to go to such a great school with awesome people. I'm constantly reminded of how lucky I am to be here when I walk to class and around campus and see how beautiful it is. The transition isn't particularly easy, especially during the High Holidays, but I know it will get easier as it goes.
I guess my experience must be Morgan, my ex, cheating on me. It was so sudden and unpredictable... I don't look back wondering what I could do better, but rather I look back and wonder why I didn't end it sooner on my own terms. She really took advantage of me and hardly provided anything for herself or for me. Living together was unimaginably hard for me since she did not work. She only stayed home and played video games. For six months I struggled to make ends meet, living paycheck to paycheck for the first time in my adult life. Never again. I've learned my lesson and will not repeat the mistakes of my past. No longer will I be taken advantage of without some modicum of benefit for myself. No more parasites.
I ran away from a sad situation it made my life even worse i made so many wrong choices and am so unhappy right now i do not know how to fix it
What comes to mind first is really transformations of the mind. More and more this year I have been accepting what is and learning more about how much I can do without running myself into the ground. I still have a lot to learn, but I made a considerable amount of progress this year.
My daughter took me to Ireland. She just wanted for us to go before it was impossible to go for many reasons. I am grateful for a loving and caring child. She is gracious and kind and I adore her.
While not the first significant experience that came to mind, I choose to focus on moving in with my partner, because I'd rather think about something positive, and let the rest go. Even with how eventful this process has been, with several apartment repair discoveries, new furniture not assembling quite right, painting bookcases, a shower leak, and the morning I spilling cold coffee everywhere, it's also been wonderful. We fit; we are handling things together, and that's everything I could have asked for. I'm so glad we didn't rush into this, and I'm glad we're here now.
Our director retired. As time went on, our office became so beaten down. Now she's gone. We can laugh, we can be ourselves, other offices want to work with us again. I am all the emotions listed above. Grateful her reign has ended. Relieved that we don't have to pretend anymore.resentful.of the fact that she betrayed our tryst, ducked the life out of us, manipulated us, and lied to us. People left because of her. Inspired now because I am tedpectrd, I can speak up and not be slapped (figuatuvely) all feel the same. I am applying for a higher position, as I feel free to be me! Confident.
Sitting in an AirBnB with my team in Mexico City right now, it's hard not to have my thoughts be overwhelmed by the past few days' events. Surviving the earthquake, walking through a decimated city, witnessing the heartbreak and devastation first hand. It's certainly an event that marks this year. I am profoundly grateful to be alive. After that, everything else feels trivial. Yes, I returned to IDEO. That feels big and important and I am much happier for it. But it's a job, you know? It's not life or death. I was with people on Tuesday who can't return to their homes. Our Uber driver this morning can't get his son the medicine he needs. I saw piles of rubble where buildings once were, with unknown people trapped beneath. Jobs are important, but they're not life.
This year, I had to get a mastectomy and hysterectomy. I am so grateful that although I have BRCA2 gene that I was given the opportunity to prevent cancer. Not many get that choice. I feel fortunate that I did and that's what carried me through the recovery.
Let's face the facts, there are two significant events: 1. My daughter has a strange semi undiagnosed lump (or lumps) on her neck. Dealing with this means lots of doctors visits, scary medical procedures and gratitude. As of right now, we have every reason to believe she will be fine, this I am incredibly grateful that she's not actually sick. I am also so appreciative of the kind doctors who have helped. Not to mention the amazing nurses and awesome day of hospital visit people. We are also soooooo lucky that medical bills are not an issue and we can just focus on getting the care she need. Watching her wake up from the anesthesia was a wonderful moment. So we still have the take your meds battle, but I am relieved that all will be well. 2. My first first author paper was published!! It was a huge lift and I am so glad it all worked out.
Very ill, hospitalized twice due to cardiovascular issues, chronic back and hip pain. Treated for Hep C and cured was very angry toward G-d and anyone unfortunate enough to be near me. I'm surprisingly grateful that I have seemed to have weathered this. Hopefully I will be less reactionary and more mindful.
Last November, Pam and I went to a conference of the Institute for Southern Jewish Life in Natchez. It was held in the Temple where my some of my ancestors had belonged. I saw a picture of one of them (in a Purim costume) on the wall. He looked like me. The feelings I discovered at conference (which included a Shabbat service inspired to reconnect with the Judaism that I was born into, but not raised in. We took an Introduction to Judaism course, and today I attended Rosh Hashanah services for the very first time.
This year Blake and I got married! People ask me if I feel different and while it's true that our everyday life is the same, it does feel different in other ways. Going through the planning process together was intense, and it brought out the best and worst in our family and community. In the end it just made me all the more grateful to have found a partner willing to engage in the hard work of life together. The wedding itself was a completely magical experience, full of meaning, joy, and so so much love. <3
My kid went off to college. He'd never been away from home, not camp, nothing. There were good reasons to worry but not panic. He did great! Got lost often. Made mistakes, but we talk almost every day, every other day about something substantive - he grew up more in that one year than I'd ever seen. There is even more of him to love. A year later, I'm relieved and proud. Also, I'm very grateful.
I mean, Donald Trump was elected President of these United States. Which stinks. It made me feel angry and helpless and guilty and resentful, and then, eventually, motivated. I am going to be an activist. I am going to continue to hold the taste in my mouth and keep going in an attempt to make America great for the first time, to make it walk its talk if possible. I am going to fight for my friends and for strangers. I started doing that this year. I'll do more next year.
Donald Trump won the U.S. presidential election. I was distraught. I was disgusted. While it was happening I felt sick to my stomach and could not eat. He has already taken actions that will have lasting negative consequences for a generation or more, like his Supreme Court nomination. I fear for the impact on my family, but mostly for my three year old daughter. It is she and her peers who will bare the brunt of this disaster.
Mi suspensión en Diciembre. Este evento me mantiene culpable y resentido en cierta medida. En esta semana decidí enfrentar el asunto pues todo el año he tenido emociones atoradas que ya me están dañando.
Buying a house! Relieved and exhausted.
I am feeling incredibly grateful. I received a life-changing scholarship that will allow me to earn my library degree at the best program in the country free of charge. I feel as if my path has been scattered with rose petals. I will strive to tread with respect and gratitude for the beauty and fragility of this space I have entered.
This past year my Grandfather passed away. It was not an easy, quick death. Rather, he lingered, was in pain, and was not coherent at the end. Living 400 miles away from my family made it difficult to cope with such a dramatic loss. Since the age of 13, he was my only grandparent. While he did re-marry when I was 17, she is still alive, the fall out that happened between our families was atrocious. However, it made me realize just how tightly knit the women of my family are. As a, furious, group were are fearsome. We all have different talents, but our collective passion for our family is at once, awe-inspiring and terrifying. The loss of my grandpa has left a whole in my life, that just can't be filled. While, I know, I will be able to live without him, there are certain times when the missing has been quite keen. Losing him made me face one of my worst fears and changed the way I approach life and relationships (of all kinds). I am not eloquent with my words, but not having any grandparents in my life anymore makes me realize what a wealth of information my grandfather was and how much love he always gave to me. His immeasurable, demonstrable, love is what I miss the most.
My dear husband died ten months ago. During the last 11 years of our marriage, he was profoundly handicapped, both mentally and physically. He could not be left alone. I was fortunate to be able to continue working and to be financially able to keep him at home and hire caregivers for him. I am relieved that he went before me, because I made sure he got the care he needed. There is a huge hole in my life, though, a hole that I am filling with as much work as I can do. It's funny, I used to see people with disabled children/spouses/relatives and think what a burden they must carry. It's true, but the other side of it is that you love them. Disability does not change the fundamental essence of the person--they still need love, give love, and inspire love.
I’m happy that I traveled to Israel and that i got out of my comfort zone, that I made real friends and that I enjoyed my time with my brother and that I proved myself that everything is possible and that is necessary to work for it if you want to get it, I have set goals for my life and I’m more decided to make my dreams come true.
In this past year, I have achieved a lot, both academically and athletically, but something I'm especially proud of is being able to win the league with a good friend of mine. Finishing 3rd place overall, and first in league. Other than coming out on top and working really hard for something that I've wanted for a while, this year was just stressful. All I was focused on was succeeding in everything I did.
I collaborated with another mediator in planning and executing a workshop series on having difficult conversations and dialogue. This all came out of the angst of and reactions to the 2016 election. This is the first time I've planned a workshop series collaborative and from scratch. It was well received and folks found it very useful for their lives. I was helping people improve their relationships with others who were important to them. I felt honored, gratified, proud, energized, and inspired to do more.
The significant experience was vacationing with our daughter, grandchildren all of her husband's family. We didn't have as much time with the kids as we had hoped, but what we did do was wonderful. The ship was enjoyable and relaxing with too much food. We would have enjoyed different ports than we had seen on our last cruise, but we managed to enjoy that, too. I continue to enjoy cruising more than Stephen. I like unpacking once and being taken from place to place. I would prefer to spend more time in the various stops. I loved doing thing and talking with our daughter & the kids. Living so far away, we miss their experiences and opinions. They are real people now.
I successfully completed 10 months of chemotherapy. I am delighted and stronger in many ways as a result. Certainly I am grateful and relieved but surprisingly, I also feel a little upside down. I was diagnosed 18 years ago; cancer has been part of my persona for a very long time. Not like I want to have cancer but who am I without it?
My yoga teacher training was a powerful growth experience for me. It gave me the mental clarity and peace of mind to understand my desire to have a child and to start to let go of my fear of doing it on my own. It also brought me into a community of people, in yoga and acro yoga, who bring enormous richness to my life. It is a loving, playful, creative group of people. I feel I am become simultaneously stronger and kinder. Strong when I need to be. Strong to protect others. And kinder - always possible to be kinder. Cultivating that like a muscle.
I had an email disagreement and I did not over react. I stayed present with the issues and requested a face to face meeting. I was not judgmental and we came to an amazing and mutually gratifying resolution.
I have three significant experiences from this past year. Personally, the most significant experience was getting engaged to the love of my life, and planning out our wedding, and our lives together. I have never felt so appreciated, loved, or secure at any point in my life before, and I am so profoundly thankful that we found each other and that we're working so hard on ourselves and building our relationship. Professionally, I am starting my 3rd year of teaching. It's the first year that I am teaching a class that I taught the previous year, so I am so much steadier and confident about my teaching, and have to spend a lot less time just getting the basics together, because I can build on what I did last year. I can correct my mistakes, and do it better this year. I feel like I am suddenly a lot more competent as a teacher, and am feeling re-invigorated in my career. Finally, I broke out of my shell a little and volunteered as a cabin counselor at Camp Quest NW, and it has basically changed my life. I am thoroughly inspired by the young people I met, and honored to have been a part of their experience. I also found a band of people who are really my tribe, including some female friends close to my age who I can maintain friendships with because the live nearby. I'm currently making plans with them and extending myself in a way I don't usually do. I think I will go back every year, and be involved in planning the rest of the year as long as I can.
I got married to my girlfriend of three years. I'm now in the longest romantic relationship I've ever had. I'm amazed that I didn't drive her away or leave her over boredom. It's still an adjustment for me. If we can make it together for the next two years or so, then I think we'll stay together for the rest of our lives. I am happy and relieved about that. I don't want to grow old alone.
Relieved/resentful: getting fired from Community Solutions. It was a surprise and not a surprise at the same time. I knew I was doing a bad job but I also didn't know how to do a BETTER job. I resent the CS "family" for treating me the way they did, for totally ignoring me after the fact and for delivering me the news OVER the phone while Mary played dumb, which she obviously wasn't. At I'm SOOOOOOO relieved to be out of there, working for the City again (even with the craziness that is Karina...) and in a better environment for me. Grateful/inspired: we move to 25 Indian Road. SO grateful to have found this space, and excited to make it ours. We've grown a lot through the moving process-financials, lawyers, what is going/what is staying, how much I can(t) control myself to nag ben to pack, and I'm excited to see what happens next! (As I write, it's the night before and his office is still a total mess...) And inspired excited bursting with joy over Poppyseed. CAN'T WAIT TO MEET IT!!!!!!!!!
I suffered vertigo for a week. I felt totally out of sorts, out of control. It seemed frightening that something like that could happen, and I sometimes still feel that I have remnants. It makes me feel vulnerable, when normally you feel protected and in control. It was frightening and makes me appreciate life more.
I gave birth to my second daughter, N. I was a little surprised to feel that I am just as broken-open, just as amazed by the whole experience as I was the first time. Being a mother of two children is is both an extraordinary gift and a cause for some ambivalence in me. Sometimes I feel trapped by the scale and intensity of the day-to-day obligation of caring for two kids. And while you know things, having had a child already, N. is so different from her sister, easy in places where her sister was hard, and challenging in places where our older daughter wasn't. I keep trying to pull back and out of it, to remember to enjoy what is a very short time, this baby-hood. Time is so strange as a mother: N. feels as though she's always been here, though five months at any other time is nothing. This, I can affirm: I am changed. This life-giving thing changes you.
In July I was matched with a mentor to help me find a new job. For the first time in a long time I feel like I have someone on my side, that I am not dealing with this discouraging and frustrating situation all on my own. It feels like she is invested in my success, which is very rare in my life. I am grateful that she is willing to volunteer her time and energy to me. I tend to get easily discouraged, and her encouragement helps me keep going.
We decided to pack up and move all the way across the state. All in the span of about two months - including working, finding new jobs, putting our house on the market, buying, and selling. The initial talks started in May, I interviewed for the new job in June, house went on the market July 6, and we were settled in our new house on August 27. It was a whirlwind. I'm glad we chose to move because we were barely surviving where we were living and now we can breathe easier, both financially and emotionally.
The most significant experience I had in the last year was the depressive episodes with both of my children. Both of them were struggling at the same time, and it was very tough on me. At the time, I was anxious and confused about what to do. Today, I am very grateful that both of them are doing much better. Daniel is now working as a teacher. Rachel has weaned herself off of almost all her medications for her headaches and anxiety, and is now pregnant and due in March. Speaking of pregnancy, that is another big experience that has impacted me. Rachel and Felipe told us she was pregnant, and I am very excited about being a grandparent. I imagine it will be one of life's great joys for me. A third signficant experience for me was our name change at Joyn. The event was super cool as we built 100 prosthetic hands for land mine victims around the world. The new name better reflects who we are and our passion about changing the way America thinks about money. The presentation where I spoke to 300+ individuals was a ton of fun, and gave me the confidence about speaking to larger groups in the future.
I opened a coffeeshop with a partner. Within 6 months our partnership failed. I regret not trying harder to make it work. I am also relieved of the stress the situation was causing and grateful I have been able to manage and grow the business on my own. I am inspired to continue building a community space.
Well, I got married, so that's a biggie. Wow. I got married. Weird to say. I both knew and didn't know this time last year that'd be happening. I am certainly grateful, certainly relieved. The wedding itself was... literally everything I could have dreamed. They say most people don't remember theirs, but I feel like I remember everything, and Michael's happiness that night was... I got married. A new chapter started. An identity changed. So there's that.
My mom died. She passed away in January. It wasn't necessarily unexpected, but it was still very difficult. She was older (86), and in poor health. She was very depressed, and had decided she no longer wanted to live. She experienced a health crisis, and was hospitalized. She began to hemorrhage, and the decision was made by the family to put her in hospice care. Six days later, she passed. A flood of emotions for me, but in the end I can say it has taught me to live each day with purpose and gratitude, because you don't know what will happen, and I know I love my friends and family and they love me.
My family and I had a few difficult hurdles to deal with. 1) We had to decide to put our dog, Amber down. She was suffering from a autoimmune skin disease and it was unfair to her to allow her to suffer by continuing to treat what was really, not treatable. It was very difficult for me, for all of us, and for Coco, her sister. I did feel relieved. I felt relieved not to deal with her hairs all over the place, and I felt relieved Coco could be her truest self, which Amber did not allow her to be (it was not Amber's fault). Her death did inspire me to be a better dog owner to Coco and maybe future dogs. It made me realize that we are all dogs have and to be more conscious of their feelings. 2) My gram was in the hospital as she was septic. She survived thank God. It made me realize that family is all we have and nothing else matters. I am very grateful for her and for my family. We work(ed) as a team and continue to do so.
I got to travel the world a tonne the end of last year And this year I started uni It's been just getting better despite the downfalls I struggled emotionally earlier this year and went to headspace where tauna has helped me heaps-- psychologist And also I started Krav Maga and I love it I am so greatful because I was able to get over my emotional struggles more or less, and feel good -- happy even 😊 Things are looking up and I am so greatful for it
Perhaps the most significant experience of the past year has been the presidential election, inauguration, and administration. It has changed my family, hurt millions of people, and caused me serious anxiety. I am angry, defeated, and often feel hopeless. I am always hungry to find my place in the revolution. And we will rebel.
Getting promoted. I am grateful and proud of myself.
My dad died this past April, early April. A part of me feels relief that he was no longer in pain and prolonging the inevitable ... another part is still in mourning. I find it most difficult at the most random times. Such as when the school year started and I came to realize that this was a time of year when I'd talk to him most often as a touchstone. He played a bigger role in my life than I'd realized. I'm grateful to have had him for the time I did. It's living in the time after that I'm still adjusting to.
This year we welcomed another baby to our family. I always wanted two children but when it came time to consider a second child I spent a long time considering whether it was really a good idea. Raising a small child has taken such a tole on our lives and as he has gotten older we have seen the light at the end of the tunnel. No we have a six week old and we are back in survival mode. I feel very happy that I have completed the pregnancy which was difficult at times and that I have a healthy baby. But I oscillate between wishing for him to grow up so we can have some of our sanity back and wanting to enjoy this last chance to have a baby.
The most significant experience in this past year happened just recently. It was when I learned to stand my ground and not concede to manipulation and intimidation through sophisticated words. Without giving too much away, I found myself in a situation that made me feel morally conflicted, but ultimately, I recognized that I was the one being cheated in the end and that in our professional lives, business is business and I have to stop taking things so personally and being so weak. With the help of many loved ones, many of whom came to my aid in surprise, I was able to strongarm myself with positive thoughts to get through these trying times and I finally have closure to enjoy the next chapter. I'm still trying to remedy my feelings of fear and doubt but I know all of that will come in due time.
Start working in a great place.
My son graduated from college. I am certainly grateful! He is happily ensconced in a new job that he loves. He needs a little more support before he's fully launched, but I feel like he is well on his way.
Travelling to Morrocco with my 23 year old son who is now 2 years sober. It had it's challenging moments, but mostly I loved spending time together again and seeing him reconnect with our family and others.
I got help to get better after a traumatic experience. Not all the people arround me understood what was happening, some of them thoght I was exagerating things, that the pain and anxiety were too much compared to the experience I was describing. Truth be told, I never really told anyone the whole truth, but I did ask for help... and so I ended up telling bits and pieces to different people... a little to this friend, some to my therapist, a larger portion to my SO... I realized that what I was feeling... that overwhelming collection of helplessness, frustration, self-hatred, and some other extras... what I was feeling was just too much for me (or anyone) to handle. So I asked for help. One friend heard about the first thing on my list, my therapist about the next two, another friend helped me with number four, and my SO heard about most, but focused on supporting me through the process of healing myself and learning to live again, rather than actively working things out with me. All of them helped me, all of them became a part in the foundations of my newly found sense of self... but none of that would have been possible if I hadn't asked for help.
So many this year, still learning my new role as wife, the affects is it is getting better. I'm grateful sometimes resentful. I am getting this new role as application administrator. I feel inspired and grateful for the growth. I have been frustrated and just crazy and the amount of work. I am getting or wrapping my head around my mama decline in health and vitality. I am sadden and selfish as I want her to live forever. Grateful that God keeps blessing us with each day I have with her.
This experience actually happened just a couple of days ago. My wife was at my daughter-in-law's house overnight since you would do some early morning childcare. I woke in the middle of the night to a sound in the lower level. The sound repeated. I was as sure as I could be that somebody was actually in my house. Adrenaline surged my heart felt for a moment like it would beat out of my chest. I found my pistol, put the clip in and chambered around. I slowed my breathing per my past training. What went through my mind is I was prepared to potentially kill someone. While it turned out that no one was there, that thought disturbed me through the night although I would not have changed that thought. I only thought retrospectively about the fact that I might be killed or injured myself. I realized that I'd had an encounter with my dark side. I believe we all have a dark side, is buried through a number of layers, largely are humanity. It is something that I believe rest inside all of us in a very deep place within. Days later, I would've done the same thing. I would not have waited to be a helpless victim. If my wife had been there, absolutely, without any doubt I would've taken the same action.
Met a very kind, very kind physician who I admire and respect very much. He helped me figure out a solution for my stage fright, which has become worse over the last few years; I am very grateful for him and for his genuine caring. I continue to find ways to express my creativity through theater - I am very grateful for this!
Nine months ago I realized I was an addict. The addiction isn't important, but it has taken me on a journey of self discovery and self acceptance. There are some days I wish I never started this journey. I've had tears, frustration, anger, sorrow, self-doubt. But I've also had celebrations, connections, self-realization. Today I celebrate 152 days of sobriety. I had to accept my faults in order to grow.
My son's wedding to a perfect match. I am grateful that they have each other to go into the future. I am inspired by their deep commitment and their outlook on life. I am content.
My husband broke his ankle and we were poor. I am grateful for how we learned about the love we have surrounding us. I am resentful for the money we didn't have and the struggles we continue to face because of it. I am inspired at how I am more willing and motivated to just up and help others.
I'm still trying to rollerskate and improve my skills enough to make the roller derby team. It has been a really rough year. I've seen many new bootcampers join and pass to fresh meat. A few have even passed to the team. It gets both heart-breaking and inspiring depending on my mood. It doesn't matter that everyone is "so impressed" that I've stuck with it this long. I don't think they understand just how horrible I am at it, and how much of a derby turtle I truly am. I will have been trying for two years in four days. I have not yet passed a single skill. Not one! When I went to Rollercon I was really surprised at how many people admit to starting out as or feeling like turtles as well. Some of the self-proclaimed turtles aren't really turtles, they passed just fine, and that bit bothers me. Quite a lot! Maybe it took them six months, but when I think of a turtle, I think of people like myself who struggle with EVERY skill. Non-stop. Those people without a chance when they begin. I'm tired of feeling like I'm never enough.
The most significant experience that came about what the severing of my best friendship I had for over 25 years. The circumstances which initially precipitated the erosion of this friendship were of mild import. Like most friendships that end abruptly, communication, understanding, care and empathy are all lost at the hands of pride of at least one or both parties. So I told my friend I needed space to think only intending to process the situation over a few weeks so I could articulate my feelings to a mesa member who has the EQ of a project manager but thinks his EQ is that of a Labrador Retriever. As I think back on my life, I have come to know that friendship is one of the most important elements to both happiness as well as hurt. The best of friends are the ones who you know your faults, and imperfections, and accept your sins against them. They have an open mind and heart to accept you; regardless of time. After all, is not time the true measure of friendship? However, time has a cruel since of humor. Those whom we consider friends in their most pure, infallible form, may not be as invested in us as we thought; they may hear but not truly understand you. The best way to examine friendships is through the lens of time. Time does not discriminate with gender, race, logic or emotion. Time’s only judgment is upon itself. This is why it is important to examine all of our friendships on a continual basis. People are influenced by a number of extraneous worldly factors- beauty, money, and power. None of them are eternal. While friendships are important, they are also frail. We must humble ourselves, our minds, and accept that there is much we do not understand. We must also accept the premise that most of these friendships will fail; they do not come from an understanding of humility, and grace. There is inspiration through Jesus who perfected my friendship to God. We can have this perfection if we humble ourselves confess our selfishness and allow the Truth to change us. As for my friend, there is always HOPE in humility to God. I have come to learn that I am not in the business of changing minds and hearts; I am not God. I am just a humble farmer scattering seed.
My dog Franklin passed away. The day he passed, it all happened quickly. I didn't have time to say much and I was so devastated that I chose not to stay long after he was gone. I still remember the feeling of kissing his soft little ears. He was my bubba. It has been almost one year and sometimes I cry like it happened last week. I cannot imagine feeling that way about a dog again- but I hope I do, because to have that bond is an immeasurable amount of love. I am so very grateful that Franklin was in my life. He brought joy to so many others, his rescue story turned into lessons for students, and his company to me was warm, cozy, and snuggly. I still can't go down the street to the park that we used to go to, it's as if it is sacred ground. I wish I could have just one more day with him.
Earning my Yoga Teacher Certification. It... didn't impact me as much as I'd projected. I thought I would find community. I did not. I am grateful... but I don't think the experience was as strong as it could have been. Over a year and it still haunts me. I have something so important to me but I am still frozen and lonely with it. Stuck in a snit, a rut, when I could be doing better for myself. And those around me.
My husband underwent an aitologeous stem cell transplant in February, to treat his Multiple myeloma. It was a scary and intense time. I am glad that we are past or and that he seems to have almost completely returned to himself. In some ways, it was a wonderful experience, allowing me to see and feel how much a cab depend on our children for help and support. I am grateful to be in the other side of this ordeal. News for our oncologist is very positive and, other than regular monitoring, I hope not to have to spend much energy in this disease
My prayers were answered as my baby is back in my life. Not exactly in a positive way but we are both set free now. Our whole lives have changed and I am so thankful. We are both getting counceling, in a new home, new school, new job, new everything. Its hard reconnecting with the almost 5 year separation but God is healing and protecting us. I am relieved, grateful, inspired, ...overwhelmed, excited and there are no words I can use to express what God has and is doing for us.
On July 19, I was arrested while protesting outside my senator’s office in DC. The experience was oddly liberating. It helped me see that I can push past fears and do something terrifying and survive.
One of my very best friends died very suddenly after battling cancer. I thought he had beaten it and was in remission, but it came back with a vengeance and took his life within a week of being diagnosed with metastatic cancer. I barely had time to say goodbye. I feel so guilty because I feel I should have spent more time with him when I could. I know he loved me dearly and I loved him. But I thought we had more time and other priorities of mine got in the way- so I kept putting off seeing him and talking with him. I learned that life is indeed fleeting - especially as I age. I want to be much better about spending time with the people I love NOW - and not wait.
Wow it's been a year. So many things have happened since this time last year. I have been to new countries, I have met many wonderful people, I have spent time admiring and appreciating nature, and often been so immersed in my present that I don't think anything of other parts of my life. This can be both good and bad. It is wonderful to feel so absorbed with what is happening each day that nothing else matters. Moments feel full, and I am all there. But it is not great for my relationships. My friends and family and partner who might not be there with me. I am neglectful and then I also miss people deeply when I think about it. But that's a bit of a rambly itro eh. Ok, so a significant event would be visiting the Amber fort in Jaipur India. It is a beautiful complex, holds so much history and culture, and the views are magical. It was entrancing for me, and really made me reflect on the vastness of the world, the way humans seek the natural beauties around us and build structures to be able to stare at them.
This past year, I quit my jobs and made a choice to go back to school. I realized that in order to make a bigger impact in my community, city, state, country or even the world, I had to go back to school. I am now again a broke college student but I feel inspired and want to take on the world. Yet at the same time, I feel incredibly out of my comfort zone. I am chasing my dreams and working towards staying motivated.
I almost fell in love. With someone who seemed genuine, sincere, independent, attractive and completely interested in me. When I discovered he had fabricated a very elaborate deception, possibly to keep me interested whilst he pursued some other options, it made me angry and seriously damaged my ability to trust other people or to believe that could happen later in life. However, because it blossomed and died within three months and before I was totally emotionally committed, at least I feel I escaped with my self-respect intact.
Last year we had our first child. The actual birth was amazing. We used a surrogate who is our amazing hero and watching the birth and cutting the umbilical cord was so emotional. Then the hard part began and every day is a challenge but I wouldn't change it.
A significant experience. Well...the entirety of last year was significant. It was my first year out of college, my first year in a new place, my first year figuring out life as a kind-of-sort-of adult. And it was hard. It was really, really hard. For most of the year I was debilitatingly lonely. For a lot of the year, I kept myself numb - that is my coping mechanism after all. So...I have no desire to relive this past year. But I am grateful for it. It brought me to the point where I am now, where I am ready to confront myself, ready to listen to myself, and really listen.
I decided to stop taking my anxiety medication. I feel relieved and inspired. The first month off the medication was rocky. I was very emotional. It was like a whole new world, I had to learn how to feel certain emotions again. I didn't even realize the extent of the emotional block that the medication had cause me until I stopped taking them. I started feeling a wider arrange of emotions. I noticed that I was crying more easily. I missed crying. Happy crying and sad crying. It is such a great release. After the first month off the medication my moods started to regulate themselves again. And then I felt good for a while until about 6 months after stopping the medication. My anxiety started coming back and it was scaring me. I was having all sorts of self doubt and self sabotaging thoughts. I kept telling myself that I couldn't deal with it and that I should just go back on the medication. However, I'm slowly learning to cope with my anxiety in natural healthy ways. I've cut down my marijuana use A LOT, I'm learning to meditate, got into painting, started making new friends who are positive and supportive, trying to become more fit and eat better, spending more time outside and spending more time with my family. I still find that my anxiety gets the best of me at times. And I'll still have thought of self doubt and self sabotage. But I'm learning to work through these thoughts. I feel that going off the medication has really helped me take my life to the next level. I'm on a new path and I can't wait to see where it leads me. I'm even thinking about going back to school... and that thought used to terrify me.
Mon amoureuse est partie vivre en Israel. J'ai trouvé ce choix courageux et attrayant. Mais nos situations ne sont pas les mêmes. En tout cas cela a ouvert mes champs du possible...
There were major staff cuts in my organisation and I didn't lose my job. It made me feel incredibly lucky and grateful.
The most significant experience that has happened in the past year is my coming out to my entire family and social village. I came out to a select group of friends and my brother when I was 23 years old with the intention of eventually coming out in entirety. The plan did not carry out as expected. I re "closeted" myself and fell down into a tunnel of self destruction and disrespect. Moving away from home to Colorado and eventually North Carolina gave me the time to myself that I needed. Upon much self reflection I fell in love with myself. I was able to feel more accepted by myself with much less interest in the concern for acceptance by others. I fell in love! I fell in love with myself, my work and a beautiful blonde hair, blue eyed woman. I came out fully to my entire family and village April 20th, 2017 through a rough, but eye opening letter. I was accepted by most and came into the realization how important I am as a person and what my relationship means to each one of them. I could not be any more grateful. Definitely relieved with the cliche "wait off your shoulders" feeling. Note to self: never lose sight of the beauty within yourself. "You is kind, you is smart, you is important" - The Help
There was significant upheaval at my church. People were treated poorly, conflicts were not handled well and much angst was felt. I made the decision to stop going to my place of worship where I've attended for over 15 years. Depending on the day I am angry, sad, relieved or hopeful for what lies ahead. Probably still more angry and sad about it at this point.
I'm the last year, I stopped celebrating Christmas. My family had a very hard time with it. My brother was the hardest to deal with. Still is. It has made me resent him, for sure. But, we are slowly trying to work through it. It may not end up perfect, but it'll be positive in the end. I hope
a business partnership ended in an unexpected ted manner, which rattled me for a while ... realized that in most instances of this sort you are basically on your own and that other people will handle things very differently to my own sense of what is correct or in fact normal ... in retrospect i guess the manner in which this partnership was ended was the issue and not the actual dissolution
I got together with my boyfriend. I'm grateful for that every day.
I moved interstate to get a fresh start and put a reset on study and life. And as much I was not a fan of where I moved to in the beginning, I have made incredible friends, found a new perspective on life and happiness and have a newfound excitement about my future.
The first year that I did this 10Q, it led to a breakthrough in my situation that really helped me. Last year, reading through my answers, it felt like I was not giving it my best. So, this year, I really want to give it a go. Perhaps I will have a similar breakthrough. I have to say, that nothing particularly significant comes to mind, in the past year. Which, I know, is more a reflection of my outlook, than it is of a lack of significant events. My mother visited from abroad, my son began day school. At less than 2 years old, he already knows all of the letters and numbers, and has for several months, now. My partner and I get along remarkably well. All of these could be said to be significant, and they are, but nothing stands out as incredibly significant. The thing is, I think on some level I am marshalling internal resources to create and sustain a business. To learn how, not only not to be lazy, but to work very hard. I would like my son and my family not to have to worry about money. I would like to have a reasonable retirement. My strategy so far of waiting for luck to strike has not yet worked, and so working hard will have to do. If there is any significant experience that I have had, it has been that realization.
I went to Disneyworld. Usually I put something academic here, and academic things did happen this year. But since I can remember I've wanted to go to Disneyworld, see the castle, do the whole experience. And this year I did, with three close friends, I wonder what it would have been like to do it as a child. It made me think more about the sort of holidays I'd like to take my own children on.
The wedding made me exhausted. I was ashamed of Norma, of Sarah and Deborah. I felt like they all subtracted from my joy. The election has made me wary of Americans, and so, so sad. I can't believe this is the country I love and thought I was at home in. The new apartment has brought me such joy. I can't believe that we can have thsis life.
On December 7th I was diagnosed with Stage 2 Invasive Ductal Carcinoma of the left breast. The diagnosis was surreal - we get thyroid and heart disease in my family...but not CANCER. A big sadness was having to endure treatment while working with an unsupportive team. I wanted to know WHY? Why them? The amazing thing is, other people showed up. So many co-workers were kind and supportive. People raised money. I learned I am loved, really loved. I'm also still very afraid and alone, and afraid I'll always be alone. I've been forced to think a lot about how I'm going to live out the end of my life, where, and with whom. I see no clear picture. So I will focus on what I do know: Today I am a single woman who survived breast cancer. I have a daughter to raise and bills to pay. Today have a job to go to and friends to sit with at lunch. I am blessed.
The election of Donald Fucking Trump as Fucking President of the United States is by far the most significant thing that has impacted literally everything in everyone's life this year. I hate that this asshole has invaded my life. I've gained weight. I drink too much. I've lost friends. I've lost Lori. There are people I avoid. I'm afraid for the future. I'm worried that we may not live to even read these answers next September! He's trying to start a nuclear war with North Korea to prove that he's a big man and to divert attention from the Russia probe. I am so sad that 62 million Americans were taken in by him or thought that he wouldn't do so much harm and it wouldn't matter. How could they have been so blind?!?! It will take decades to repair the damage that he's doing to our planet, our system of government, our healthcare, our relationships, our collective psyche. I hate him. I hate everyone who voted for him. Damn right, I'm resentful! I'm also grateful because I am no fully woke! I am engaged in my representative government every. damn. day. I call my Congressman and Senators, plus several others. I go to rallies and marches. I'm aware of bills and votes that are coming up. I know what's going on. I will never again be complacent. Fuck Donald Fucking Trump and every fucking person who voted for him.
The election of President Trump has caused me to feel displaced in my own country. His disrespect for the democratic process and his disregard of decency to one another has made me question what our country is all about. It has made me more aware of the inequalities that exist because of race and class. It has also made me a question my resolve to address the challenges of the day.
I continue to be grateful for this love. I thought I understood love and what it meant. I didn't have a clue. On a daily basis, I learn, grow and trust more. I'm finding that I don't always have to be in charge, I don't have to have the answers, I don't always have to look good, or even act like I know what I'm doing. I can be genuine. I can ask questions, doubt myself and say what I want. I have unconditional permission to be exactly who I am.
The election result made me sick to my stomach over and over again. More inportantly, it left me paralyzed to decide on where I would put my time and money in making the world a better place. Regretfully, along with general aging, I found myself giving into the adage - history repeats itself. Are we no better than the 5000 + years of history that demonstrate mankind to allow demigods to shape the world the way they wish to feel powerful. I continue to be sickened by the pace of weaponizing, discrimination and increase in weapon power.
I've had several significant experiences happen this past year--finishing my Masters, being diagnosed with an auto immune disease, getting hired and promoted at my new job, moving once again. There's been a lot! I think it has all made me a stronger, more adaptable person. The lichen sclerosus diagnosis is perhaps the most significant and has affected me the most however. I'm upset about it, scared, and feel a little helpless.
Both of our children graduated from their respective schools (Elementary and Middle). Both were given awards, which was surprising, gratifying, and thought provoking for me. I'm grateful their hard work was recognized by their teachers. I was uncomfortable because so many kids who were deserving of being called out in their classes were not but was filled with pride for our children. I try not to be prideful and yet I know how difficult this past school year was for each of them; my son was bullied on a regular basis and my daughter has been battling daily anxiety. Being able to still focus on their work and have the successes they had was huge. And on the other hand I know everyone is dealing with things most of us don't know about and each kid on the stage with them had their own challenges and successes. So I feel a bit guilty that both of our kids were called out and recognized. And yet I know they needed it so I'm grateful their teachers chose to do it.
My Aunt was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer and died 2.5 months later. I am grateful for the time spent with her and my cousins. It reminded me that time flies by too quickly. We must mend relationships when we have the opportunity and savor every moment that we have with loved ones and friends
My father died in June. We weren't close, so I did not expect to be as effected by his death as I was. Losing him has made me view him differently, with more compassion, and I feel regret at not having tried harder to have a relationship with him when he was alive.
I started smoking again. This is intricately tied to my last year's answer and a direct result. Also, Nathan lives here permanently, as does Ted. I don't have much alone time. Being an introvert, alone time is essential for me to recharge my mental and emotional energy. I would like to be ready to quit again.
I married my soulmate. I didn't believe someone like than could exist; I hoped but didn't believe. They showed me how easy relationships can be and how much I had resigned myself to before them. We all get what we feel we deserve. I'm thankful I decided to love myself more and welcome abundance in my life.
I became the Executive Director of Bridges of Hope. It reenergized me in my work and has stretched me beyond where I thought I could go.
Turning 60 made me realize that there is an expiration date on my life . I decided to make some changes that I have always wanted to do, but kept putting off. This inspired me to live for the day and try to enjoy all life has to offer
I turned 40 and was diagnosed with end stage renal disease this year. I'm on the kidney transplant list. I'm still rather devastated by this. I fear extreme illness, disability, and premature death. I'm not ready for this. On the plus side, I'm not old enough to study Kabbalah.
After years and years and years (25 to be exact) of being an adjunct professor I have finally gotten a full time teaching position at a community college. In the three months I packed up the house I was living in and moved over 1000 miles and started the new job. I spent the last five years living in my mother's house, struggling to make end meet, and living in a very unhealthy environment. I still feel amazed that I have left that place, and that I am now free to be myself completely. I still feel like my heart is going to explode with joy as I start 5778 in a completely new place.
My mom had a series of unfortunate events that made her unable to take care of herself. She has had a history of keeping me at arms length. Although there is no doubt she loves me, she just wouldnt let me in. These events made her dependent. She let me in and told me she would never be that way again. Although its too early to know if that will be true, I am thankful for the opportunityt to show her I care.
It's hard to pick just one this year. From the election, to the natural disasters ravaging the country (and the world) to deaths of friends and friends of friends...this year has had so many incredible highs and lows. I think one of the most important, for me, was one that seems small and inconsequential in the scheme of things, but really brought home an essential truth. I have been with the same company for 11 years - and running by department single-handedly for 18 months. When it came time to fill the position above mine, I was 'allowed' to interview - but it was clear to me from the moment I walked in that it was a empty gesture. There hasn't been a single ounce of appreciation for the work I put in. And now I'm expected to bring the person they hired up to speed. If I fail, it will be my fault, if we succeed, it will be to his credit. I'm still processing this - its disheartening and has really hurt my self-esteem. But on the flip side, its made me realize the issue is not with me, but the organization. I'm currently giving myself some time to really think about what I want moving forward before seeking a better place to do it.
A significant experience that has happened in the last year is that I was baptized. This is something that has been on my mind for years and I finally did it. It's amazing that we gain the best when we hit our worst. It would have been really easy to have written something negative in this section, but I want to focus on something positive. It affected me by hopefully changing my life path. I have already gone through several seasons since I was baptized, but I hope I stick to the narrow path. It made me feel born again and allowed me to re-evaluate all aspects of my life. There is no way to tell what this will do in my future, but for now, I am saved and I know Jesus loves me.
Our son died by suicide the day before his 40th birthday. We had been planning a trip to surprise him for his birthday the next day... I spoke with him the very morning; I felt his pain and tried help him look at the good in his world. But deep in my heart I had fear that he was in danger. I should have acted differently... I should have said more... I should have told him we were coming... I know that this could have been prevented, and it is my fault. And I will never forgive myself or recover from this. I struggle every. single. day. Our lives are forever altered and diminished.
Met a new friend that had opened my eyes in so many ways. Experienced feelings that i never new even existed. While it has been one of the most exciting experiences in my life it has also caused me to feel at times sad, as it has meant that I've had to mislead the most important person in my life. Do I feel grateful ? Yes so very much in so many ways Resentful, no not at all. I feel blessed that ive been given this opportunity to meet someone who has opened my heart and mind in so many wonderful ways
Donald Trump being elected President has really changed my state of mind. I am anxious frequently, and feel powerless and sometimes without hope for our community, city, and country. I am shocked and saddened by the anger and hatred that has surfaced since the election. I try to find the good stories, the people who are making a positive difference, while supporting causes such as the environment and racial justice more fervently. This is not where my focus was a year ago.
In the past year. Hmm. Actually, the past year has been relatively quiet. The previous 6 years, not so much -- a significant death, a business failed, there was fallout from mental illness and self-medicating. I would say that this is the year where I have thinking about my life differently. I am moving away from setting expectations for how things will and should be, and moving towards working in my present life make decisions that are healthy and happy. It was an experience to figure that out, and I'm grateful that I have that perspective.
A significant experience that happened in the past year would be my parents getting divorced after 47 years of marriage. I felt relieved, in a way, that the tension between them (palpable whenever I -- and probably most people -- am around them) would end, but also concerned that this meant they would each be traveling through the world without a partner, as they continue to age and deal with illness, etc.
I went on an education-focused, science-and-research-related expedition with an organization known as EarthWatch. I, along with several other teachers studied small breeds of owls in the Chiricahua Mountains in southeast Arizona. We got to hold and interact with them while collecting data. It was so amazing. I learned so much about ecosystems and ecology in general. I learned about owls, habitat, other species, and so much biology with which I was previously unfamiliar, given my chemistry-heat-and-biology-devoid background. I was impacted more than ever by the overwhelming looming presence of global warming. I learned how it is impacting the species we studied, but also how it impacts surrounding cultures of the area and the globe as a whole. I learned a lot about myself and my professional goals and visions. I learned that I'm capable and confident. I'm a good teacher. I have the skills necessary to pursue research in combination with a vision of education to go along with it.
My initial reaction: just one? I lost the friendship of my oldest friend, I built a new apartment for myself, and I ended (for real this time) my relationship with Kate. The outcome of Barry and me is just sad. The whole Hamilton fiasco, and tensions before then as well. Really don't see a remedy or repair-the only thing I can see doing is expressing my gratitude for the history of our friendship. The place I now live in is the result of many months of struggle...contractor driving me crazy, bugging me for money, not finishing on time or anywhere close. All sorts of grief, but now it's done! And the fun part ($$$) begins. Kate and me...yes well. We'll never ever be together again, which is ok. We're now "friends", which means that she's comfortable saying how lucky she is to be able to stay at my house for 3 days, then go off to see greg in Little River. I'm mostly ok with it. As long as I don't get blasted by JoAnna about it any more.
We transitioned to a new company and am very grateful for the experience here. I'm in a new position now and that is inspiring me to strive for more and be better at what I do.
My son went through the long ordeal of his drug abuse and arrest and finally went to Texas State Jail on April 4, 2017 for 2 years. It has taken an emotional and financial toll on me and he and his family. He has been locked up now 5 1/2 months. He got in a fight that they said he started and did 12 days in solitary confinement and 30 days with no commissary or recreation time, and 0ver 90 days without phone calls. But God has continued to answer prayers even through this seg experience for him. The solitary was cut short by 6 days and Commissary restrictions were cut short by several days. He has been moved to a 5 man cell with no phone privileges and only 2 hours of rec or tv a day, for an additional 90 days. The 90 days is supposed to be up Dec. 2nd and he will be returned to GP. I know this seg has not been easy on my son, but even he admitted it was probably for the good and probably is keeping him out of more trouble. It is definitely teaching him discipline which is a good thing and it is teaching him how to live on $35 every 2 weeks for commissary. He has been reading his bible more and writing letters to me often. I pray he is growing closer to God and that he will seriously rededicate his life to Him. The letters are great and I will be glad to hear his voice again. I pray his wife and sons will go visit him. I pray God will make a way for me to go visit him. Another thing that has happened was me allowing Rick to come back to my house from jail the second time. It was a totally wrong choice...I cannot even say it was a mistake because I knew I shouldn't have. I tried about a month to have a relationship with him but it never happened. After that we started sleeping in different beds. He has been just as horrible this time as he was the first time but it has not been quite as bad because I am not down with my hip now, but it has been hard. He has problems....mental and emotional problems as well as spiritual problems. He chooses to not treat me or his dad decent because he just does not care about anyone, including himself, I think. He does not contribute a penny to help around here and he tries to act like he runs the place. I am counting the days until he will be off parole in January 2018, just 3 1/2 months from now. I finally moved my big living room chair into my bedroom just to avoid him. He still tries to get in my face and irritate me, but things are better since I have a new male friend :} in my life. About 2 nights ago I anointed and prayed over a handkerchief and pinned it to the mattress under the mattress cover at about where his back lies and I am praying for his return to the Lord. He has not bothered me since I did that. Even if he is still here when he returns to God, because I know he will, I still want him to move out asap. The other thing that has happened was me becoming acquainted with Rodney. He was in jail with Wayne at Muleshoe and they became friends partly because he is from Winnsboro and I think that caused some sort of unspoken bond. They did bible studies together and I think Rodney may have helped him through some rough spots. Wayne had me look up legal stuff for Rodney a few times and showed pictures of me and the rest of his family to him. I prayed for him as well. Wayne and Rodney were both released on the same day and they both got back away from God and returned to drugs and in more trouble although in separate places. After they got out and I think after Wayne got arrested again, I looked for Rodney on Facebook and we started sending messages and texts to one another. This started on one of those night that I went and sat in Wal Mart parking lot just to get away from Rick. Somehow Rodney and I went from being acquaintances to being friends in a very short time. He is the one who moved things along and tried sexting with me but I was not comfortable with it and would not do it. He had an outstanding warrant from an old charge from 2015, I think, and knew he was about to get locked back up so I told him to be sure and put my address in his billfold so we could keep in touch. Then he closed his FB page and stopped using his phone but did finally get picked up and put back in jail. I had looked online from time to time that month after he dropped off the radar to see if he had been locked back up and I knew he had been in Odessa jail but had been moved. I just waited because when he was moved I wasn't sure where he was. Finally on July 21, 2017 I got a letter from him. I was not exactly surprised to get the letter but I was totally surprised at the contents of it. Rodney told me how he had been about to go crazy because he could not talk to me or hear from me in any way and how he was worried that I would not care anything about him or want to have anything to do with him anymore. At the end of the letter he said, "I love you." I was totally shocked but pleasantly. He was so understanding about my troubles with Rick and had been such an encouragement to me during the time we were FB friends and actually made me realize that I am a good woman and deserved better. Our conversations caused my self-esteem start to improve. Fast forward to now, just 2 months from the day I got the first letter....we have moved quickly to being a couple. It is crazy because of the age difference and because of the seriousness of his charges, but it happened naturally. We are so compatible and he is so thoughtful. We both believe God has brought us together. We build each other up and HE HAS NEVER ASKED ME FOR MONEY OR ANYTHING other than my letters and my love. He has definitely helped me with my self-esteem even more....he accepts me JUST THE WAY I AM...and he has helped me to finally get out under the control of Rick even though he is still living in my home. Rodney says I have helped him tremendously too and that I am the kind of woman he has searched for all of his adult life. And we are both sexually attracted to the other. We are writing each other a lot and talking on the phone some and we are reading and studying the bible and praying with each other. We both need each other and as odd a couple as we both admit we are, we have become soul mates. He actually proposed marriage to me on Sept. 4th and I said yes. We both admit that this is all crazy but that we know God brought us together. He wants us to have a ministry for God when he gets out. I do love him and I have no doubt that what he feels for me is true pure love as well. We are both praying for and believing for a miracle with his court cases so he can get out soon and we can be together. We are now just taking one day at a time, enjoying one another, and leaving it in God's hands to work everything out for us. I thought I would never have another connection and love with a man like this again and in so many ways he gets me and things are more real with him than my exes. I am happy again and I am so enjoying serving God with him and us both growing in the Lord. An added benefit to this love Rodney and I have found with one another is that finally after so long, I have become motivated to get on a diet and have begun to lose weight. I have been on low card for almost 2 months now. I started it 10 days after receiving that first letter from Rodney. With the help of the Lord I lost 22 pounds the first month and I have lost 6 pounds so far this 2nd month and still have 9 days to go in it. I had gained 30 pounds after my hip replacement in 2016 and I am about 1/2 pound from reaching that 1st goal to get back to the weight I was on the day I had my surgery. My next goal after that will be to lose another 15 pounds and get to 249.2. I have not been below 250 n over 15 years but now I have home of reaching that goal also. After that My next goal will be 230 which is where I was for many years after I had Wayne. My next goal after that is 211 which is how much I weighed when I met Rick 21 years ago. My final goal is a total of 100 pounds lost which will put me at 192.2. I do not want to go much lower than that because I want to keep a little fat and not as much loose skin. But for now I am thankful to God for what I have lost and I and just moving forward one day and one pound at a time. Finally I have hope again to lose the weight and I have hope again of having a good husband and serving God with him and being happy together. It has been hard adjusting to living on $1012 a month but God has continued to provide what I need and some extra from time to time...Thank you, Father for answering my prayers and for prayers you are answering and will answer. In Jesus' name! Amen!
First in time was getting married. I can't believe how much I can love and be pissed at the same person. Marriage has been wonderful, and it has also been a challenge; everything feels like it is such higher stakes, now that a marriage and a family is on the line.
Changing careers. Last year I wrote of my excitement for my new teaching job. After the experience, and grief of losing my job and facing the reality of changing careers from the classroom to non-profit community development has forced me to deal with some real significant issues within myself and how I connect my work with my self-value. Dealing with the fact that I am no longer a teacher, and having to do that while also building a new family has re-awakened depression and anxiety within me. Finding ways to see, understand, and cope with this has forced me to see that there are things about myself that I need to work on that have little to do with outside influences. It is easy to say job loss, or divorce caused depression. The fact is that those stressful events show how vulnerable I am in my own self and they have given me the opportunity to re-imagine and revise the work that I do to help me be the person I want to be and that I am.
A significant experience in the last year? Ugh, Trump winning the election. I'm definitely not grateful, but it's been eye opening and caused me to think hard about my place in the world.
I accepted the fact that I was suffering from anxiety and depression as a result of assault from a past relationship and harassment from within my community. It was lowest point in my life. I considered leaving my current relationship, and even suicide. I have been working with my doctor, a councillor and my partner to heal. I am grateful for all the support I've received, while at the same time terrified that I may never feel like myself again.
I'm going to be so unoriginal...the election. It's thrown so much of what I thought I knew out the window. It's affected my job, too, as I teach. It's a continual struggle to deal with the repercussions and the commentary of the current administration.
Orange Graphix has been completely swamped. So while there was no single event, the experience of growing a business and the outpour of support has been amazing. And exhausting. But also, amazing.
Starting a new job. It's been a carwer change after a 3-year hiaturs from full -time employment. I have landed in a role that is the sweet spot between using muscles from my previous life while still learning a ton more. I now work with an incredible manager, supportive team, and clients who all work well with me. It's the perfect fit. Sometimes I think I'm really lucky, but then I remind myself I paid a whole lot in dues to get here.
This is hard to answer, but I am at the beginning of a big experience right now (moving up to Napa for a new job at a new company).
I finally changed my legal name. It was one of the most exciting feelings I have ever had and was followed by the crushing disappointment of not getting to do the international UN internship I had been offered because of not being able to get new documentation in time.
I guess the most eventful experience in the past year was the election and innauguration of Donald Trump. And, yes, this has affected me so deeply. I have not yet, referred to him as President. He is everything I find both tasteless and horrifying. I cannot believe he has been allowed to continue. I feel that the United States is no longer a democracy and, at times, actually consider leaving. I am 72, however, and unsure if I really start over somewhere else. Meanwhile, I do not watch ANY news. Sometimes, I watch the weather channel. I get little snippets or headlines on social media. That's it. I'm horrified by the rise, or uncovering of the white supramists, the racists and misogynists now operating with confidence in full view. I see cruelty performed with the permission of this administration. Each day a little of the world events trickles in, continuing to shock me. I no longer ask, "How far will it go?" Oh, this all sounds so negative. My world, however, remains sweet and beautiful. I make beautiful quilts, sewing daily. My garden, with pond and waterfall is a delight and a refuge for birds, squirrels, bees and butterflies. As I focus on these things, I am able to keep peace inside and try to porject it to the world.
Just over a year I got married Something that happened this year is my wife became pregnant with a girl. She is going to give birth any day now. I am very grateful that the pregnancy has been going smoothly. The doctors have had a lot of false positive tests that can be scary if you don't look at the actual risk percentages and approach it logically. I am inspired to help our little girl be the best she can be and be an awesome dad. To be honest I am a little blown away.
My boyfriend of the past year and I broke up. While it was happening, I was a fucking mess. My self-esteem was destroyed. I felt unloved & useless & disposable. Now that's been a week since the breakup, I feel grateful for the breakup. I realize there was a lot about the relationship that made me unhappy & unsatisfied. And now that I'm not in it anymore, I think I can go about living my life in a more meaningful way. Or perhaps more reckless. I also find meaning in recklessness.
I think turning thirty has been a big milestone in my life. I say this because it has been a bit of a mental awakening. I have struggled with self doubt all of my life as well as caring about the opinions of others. I feel like I am starting to shed both issues, On one hand I had to leave school and come to terms with finding a way to find a new identity but I've also discovered and returned to my own spiritual path. I care less about having a bunch of people around me and have been really working on cultivating the relationships I have, I think it all comes down to releasing my true self and that certain aspects of my personality and interests are never going to change, I no longer feel like I have to present an image.
My shul sold their building and is sharing space with another shul in a neighboring town with the intent to merge. We need a spiritual home and they need our vitality to stay open. Being an officer of the shul and heavily involved in the process, I was available to keep people thinking positively during this emotional and stressful time. We've come through the Torah processional and now the reality is here: we are a larger congregation in a smaller home and not in our home town. I didn't realize I had been keeping my feelings inside, at bay, in order to be available for others. Now I don't know how to deal with not feeling like I'm home.
The biggest event of the last year has to be the 2016 election. I was devastated. I should have made more calls, knocked on more doors. And the administration has been as awful as predicted. But I have joined with amazing women, and men, in the resistance fighting for equality and justice. I feel like I have more of a purpose now. I feel like I found my true friends. Would I give it up to get rid of this tyrant? Yes. But I'm glad we found each other, I'm glad I'm organizing and fighting. I'm inspired and exhausted and scared and protected.
The election of DT has been absolutely devastating to my anxiety. How did it affect me... Resentful? Yes. Surprised? Unfortunately not. I don't know how to handle a huge swath of humanity that can show up and support a man like this. It's absolutely nightmarish. I honestly don't think the US will recover. But in the shitstorm, it has inspired me to run for office...
My son got a divorce. I feel good that he is happy with his decision and now happier than he has been in a long while, but I am unhappy that now his son gets passed back and forth every week.
This past October, almost a year ago, we went to Israel as a family. I loved it more than I even expected to. I loved seeing my kids connect to the country in ways that I only think is possible when you are physically there. It reignited my love of Israel, the land and it's people. It made me renewed to continue the conversation, the debate, the education about Israel amongst my peers and my community. Even if we don't agree - and many of us don't - I don't want to become - or watch others become - apathetic. I don't want Israel to become divorced from Judaism just because it's not easy.
I biked across the country this year with a charity organization raising money for MS. It changed my life and taught me really how strong I am both mentally and physically. It also made me never want to have a desk job again! I am so grateful for the tan lines, experience, friends, photos, muscles, and memories.
I don't know where to start. We've lived through so much sorrow and pain that it's felt like our life turned into a parody of a bad soap opera. Yes I'm resentful and angry and still so sad. This year will haunt me for a long time to come, but some days I can grasp hold of a sliver of hope and feel grateful for our blessings again.
Returning to Italy for a few days and experiencing the spiritual attraction it has for me. I've visited there several times over the past 25 years and each time the pull is stronger. I find myself wanting to find all the old un-touristy Jewish sites that are off the beaten path; learn about them and study them in-depth. I wake up at night in tears dreaming of being in Italy.
I was able to attend a summer swim camp in another state. The Head Coach was excellent and I was one of 13 other great assistant coaches. The HC addressed the camp and when finished asked if we (the other coaches) had anything else where I (in a loud voice) said to the group... "On The Count Of Three... Give Me A Clap... 1, 2, 3" And all 173 kids clapped and for a moment in time we were ONE TEAM. It was an amazing feeling, seeing all these random people come together as a team. The next morning after b-fast I did the same request where now all the kids wanted to do the clap. I then added... "On the count of three... give me a YEAH BABY... 1, 2, 3" They all yelled... YEAH BABY. And respectfully started laughing. It was SO FUN! to hear all those kids come together as a united front... becoming something bigger that themselves. We continued to do the clap and YEAH BABY the whole week and the kids kept laughing and looking... Look at this old guy yelling "YEAH BABY"
Um, got cancer, got cured. Of course made me reflect on basically everything. Most of all made me calm down, not demand quite so much of myself, give myself permission to give in. So weirdly (perhaps) there was quite a lot of relief about getting a three-year month opt-out. A lot of happiness at reconnecting with old friends and bathing in the warmth of their love. And happiness to get through it all.
It's more the ongoing experience of travelling on my own, finally trying food i didn't eat the last 15 years. I'm grateful for all the support, inspired by some of the people i met and the conversations i had.
The election. I still feel demoralized. For a long time, when I saw things dated before election day, I'd think, "that was back when we had hope." The marches afterwards were too little too late. Where was all the outrage before the election that this horrible person was even on the ballot? I'm worried the damage done will be irreversible, for civil rights, for the global environment, for millions of immigrants just trying to make a better life, for our sense of who we are as Americans. Is this the beginning of the end of our way of life?
I met my boyfriend, and my world hasn't been quite the same since. I am so grateful. After my husband died, I stopped speaking to God for a long time - not only stopped speaking, I stopped listening. It's not that I stopped believing - I was just so sad and felt so disconnected that there was nothing left to say. And then life happened - I spent a long time on my own growth: personal, professional, physical. I let my attention to the spiritual lapse for a while. But then when I was ready, I started dating again. And I was more the version of myself that I always wanted to be - the one my husband saw inside of me when I hadn't even really seen it in myself - and I met a perfect fit. It felt like God sending me a peace offering.
In April, my job was eliminated when my service line was sold to a for-profit company. I expected to be able to find a job in a reasonably short period of time, but 5 months later, I have had about a dozen 1st interviews and a couple of 2nd interviews, but not been hired. COBRA cost takes 3 wks of my unemployment each month. This is not how I expected or hoped to spend my last 5 years before retirement. We can no longer enjoy eating out, visiting our kids or helping them finance visits to us. Disappointed in the life path diversion, but it has certainly been enlightening. I have learned to write details of what I have done professionally and what I am capable of, to support my applications and cover letters.
My mother died this year after 46 years of our tete a tete battling - sometimes voraciously raging- sometimes just nagging at each other's loose threads - and always always with the tension of not quite understanding each other - even if in flashes we desperately may have seemed to want that. I have been numb until this moment of writing. Not in the quintessential grieving way. Rather in the "I am a blank slate", fresh pallet, not knowing what this world will look like when I put down the package of our lifelong strain. Today I feel not relief but calm. I don't feel resentful or angry. It is as if I am holding an empty clear glass bowl waiting to see what liquid substance will color it full. To be able to see the tenor of our voice after her passing.
This one's pretty obvious... I graduated from nursing school and got a job. I've been working on this for almost exactly four years. Pretty big deal for me. Am I grateful? Yeah, I'm pretty lucky. Especially as it pertains to having a job at this point. Most of my classmates do not. But I've been working at Regional for several years and all that time there really paid off. I'm definitely relieved. No more school. Ever. Or at least for a while. That grind got old years ago. Am I resentful? I mean, knowing me, if I give anything enough thought I'll probably find something to resent about it. At the moment I'm cool, though. And am I inspired? No. It's more than that. I'm #inspired. I'd like to dedicate this accomplishment to my life's number one inspiration: ME. But you know, in all seriousness, this is a seminal time in my life. Semin is everywhere. All over the place. Never experienced it in such abundance. I wish I had done this 5 years ago, but that wasn't me back then. So I suppose it makes sense to say that I wish it was me back then. But oh well. I worked to get somewhere important, and here I am. Now I get to be middle class by way of doing a job that isn't boring, pointless and soul crushing. In summation, I'm totes stoked on my current sitch and I'm ready to start doing the things I wanna do.
This past year my youngest son was finally allowed by his father to move in with me and his older brother. It was such a happy life changing event. We had all waited 7 years for this to happen and it was finally here! We are all extremely grateful for this to have happened and it has been a wonderful experience to have him here every day. It has changed my sons demeanor completely and he has returned to a happy confident fun loving teen.
I had a fall at a baseball game that could have been really bad, but was only pretty bad. A man tripped and took me down the stairs with him. Cement stairs. I landed well, thankfully, it could have been my head or ribs that hit the stair edges instead of my shoulder and leg. I still have pain and some scars from it, but it could have been so much worse. It really made me feel grateful and lucky. It also made me realize how mundane things can be really dangerous if you're in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I fell in love with an absolutely wonderful person and it totally shifted my priorities. I went from feeling aimless and dejected to proactively improving myself and thinking about my future. I am still surprised when remember how random it was that he and I met at the right time for us both.
Two things come to mind. The first, is the significance experience surrounding that relating to serious health issues and the job respectively. The second is taking on moving on - I think it's most significant, when reflecting. For the former, there is still a surrealness to the hospitalizations, surgery and entire illnesses. The impact and how 'serious' it all was - along with the implications. Both the emotional and physical. My friends that know, know. The nurses, the physicians, etc. in my life. And how fortunate I am am with those not blood related - but fr-amily. How it related to the job is something I'm still reflecting on at this point. I had the opportunity to go out on disability. [To end what was a main ingredient to destroying me. The emotional drain that led to a dangerous physiological impact including emergency heart surgery.] I didn't feel the urge to work and it's 'reward' really further. Yet, I felt 'obligated', expected, even challenged to get back what I was supposed to have - even though I wasn't sure I wanted it! (Explain that one!) For the latter, I've been trying to figure out why I went the route I did - to prove I could? did I see it as a symbol or strength? was it inherited - getting through trauma by surviving? Surviving/thriving? The processing, over the events, I think is having the greatest effect. I've a bit of it all - gratefulness, relief, resentment, inspiration - and am trying to figure it out and the impact of each. Regardless - at this stage I am both determined and open to seeking more. More answers, more paths, more joy. Pushing myself, giving permission and the like to go for the understanding and moving on, over pretending. Hopefully less worry of what 'others' think, process or project.
I went on a women's rejuvenation retreat. Exposed me to new spirituality and self care. Gave me new tools and I now make more time to incorporate these ideas into my daily life. Very grateful for this experience. I surely am inspired! I went with my cousin and we are closer because of that. I also was able to visit with two other cousins which was a bonus. .
Between Rosh Hashanah and the secular new year, I applied for and landed a dream job. What started as relief to be finished with my old role -- one in which I had felt "done" for several months prior -- grew into celebration. In time, that bubble burst and self-doubt crept it. The experience have felt like waves of pride and terror, though they have relaxed into more a ripple, with less intense highs and lows. { new normal brings fear and joy }
Like most, the election. I was utterly distraught the day after, like my insides had been scooped out. I discovered that many I used to respect are actually racists and sexists. It made me think of my country in a completely different way. I lost contact with family members over it, and it has still not resolved. I organized a bus to DC for the Womens March, and that was an amazing experience I will never forget. I feel like I lost hope that day, and never got it back. I initially became involved, but got lost in a whirlwind of job/family/anxiety attacks. I feel bad, like I'm not doing enough. But also proud that I did what I did. I want to still explore what I could do in the future that is more "me" and less "politics." Right now, I am focusing on my well being and that was a very, very good choice this year.
Well, not so much significant-rather unexpected was the emergence of my wish to go on traveling. Initially, I started out thinking that the purpose of my traveling was finding a place to settle down. During my time in Uruguay this idea moved into the background. I wish now to continue traveling for a different reason. The act of "being on the road" confronts me inevitably with myself. There is no way of escaping behaviors, habits,qualities and addictions of the person that I am. I am forced to see my fears, my double standards, my insecurity,my inconclusive thinking as well as being enabled to practice more empathy, forgiveness and understanding towards myself. I am able to shed parts that are not helpful to my well-being and to my becoming more true to myself. Although this process oftentimes is not pleasant and I feel disoriented, disconnected to others and a bit depressed I am extremely grateful for the experience.
We had a baby! Antonia "Nina" Grace Tembi came into this world on July 7, 2017. It took about seven months for us to get pregnant and I started seeing an acupuncturist for fertility at month seven. Turns out we were already pregnant :) It has been a beautiful experience from pregnancy through birth. Clearly there have been obstacles as well like breastfeeding. That caused five weeks of stress and pain right afte Nina was born and I couldn't wrap my mind around how it was going to get better. I had raw, bloody nipples and supply issues. But around week six things improved dramatically and things have been largely stable and pleasant since. Nina requires constant love and problem solving, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I return back to work in a little over two weeks and I'm excited to be a working mom - what a privilege to have that title. I am inspired by moms in a new way and feel a kinship to them. I also feel inspired to be the best version of myself for my daughter to help her become a productive member of society. Zack and I are truly blessed to have this curly haired little one in our lives.
Philippe. He taught me to stop allowing people to treat me like shit, and to take back my life and to take back control of my own narrative. I'm bruised, and scarred and scared from the experience, and by everything I see through the lens of that experience, and the trauma triggered by it, along with the trauma it created, but I'm changing my life. I'm taking it back, and claiming it as my own.
Major fallout with a coworker. Completely changed my perspective on what perceived friendship is. I totally resent her presence. She is bringing out the worst in me as a person despite my attempts to handle disputes like an adult.
Alex and I took our first vacation together (without family, etc). Amsterdam and Iceland. It was a really fun time. There were some challenges initially - how to navigate the city, etc. (It still amazes me that 5 years in we still seem to have very frequent friction. I guess it's a product of who we are individually and together.) It was filled with a lot of joy, exploration, enjoyment. We could live in Amsterdam. Iceland - beautiful and strange. Happy to have visited, okay if we don't see it again.
I was laid off. At first I was absolutely elated, like a huge weight was lifted from my chest. It's like the dam in my head broke open and I was flooded with possibilities for the future. I felt like I could finally erase these lines I'd drawn for myself and I could start over. The problem was keeping that mindset.
In the past year - a lot of things happened. Let's think - 2017 was year of somewhat poor health. Arguably, the most important thing that happened was that I got admitted to graduate school at Harvard. But it is sad that I would call it the most significant experience - since I am at Harvard now and it doesn't seem like a huge deal. Actually, I would say the most significant experience was the meditation retreat. It was one of the most intense and interesting experiences of my life. Sitting for ten days - the bouts of creativity and suffering - both physical and mental. I already do not remember a lot of it but I know it was the most significant experience of this year.
I think the whole last year has been a significant experience. I moved the previous year to a remote location on a lake. I had been drawn to quieting the noise of life and felt called to more introspection. This past year I have been feeling less called to that and have felt a significant pull to be more engaged in society, work and place. I am inspired by Spirits movement in my life and very grateful for the time I was allowed to listen to my heart
If you would have told me that one day we would no longer speak to each other, I wouldn't have believed you. After all, you loved me like no other has loved me before you... or after you. If you wold have told me that you were going to choose her over me, I wouldn't have believed you. If you would have told me that you wouldn't answer my calls, that I would have to block you on every social media site, that I would cease to know your day-to-day activities, that we would no longer discuss our past or our futures, that we wouldn't laugh, joke, fight, or cry together – I never would have believed you. But now that it has become a reality, I see I didn't need you. I didn't need any of it. I go on. Somedays I still even laugh and joke and fight and cry. All without you. And though the divide between us grows larger and the confidence within me rebuilds, I will never cease to wonder... What are you doing now?
This year's election was especially challenging for me. I felt especially certain that at this time, I'd be living in a world with a female president who respected and upheld beliefs and values that are important to me. I was shocked to see this not happen and still feel frustrated constantly at what this means for progress. I think I've had to work hard to temper my disillusionment and pessimism about this lack of progress and the values that a considerable amount of Americans hold. This is the first time I've caught myself thinking that maybe things aren't as good (very vague, I know) as I thought they were. But that seems very much like something my grandparents used to say, and I'm trying to stay young and fresh and excited about the world, but I think the November 2016 election made me a little crotchety and old.
My husband has had some cardiac issues this year - beginning at the end of June. He has been in and out of the ER and admitted to the hospital twice. He has had four cardioversions and a cardiac ablation. We had to cancel some vacation plans in July, which I was sad about since I missed an event in my hometown that I had been looking forward to. I am relieved that we seem to have gotten the issue taken care of and that we live in a big city where excellent doctors and hospitals are very close by. It has made me treasure his company more than I already did and reminds me that life is fragile yet very tough. Even with a pulse of 165, he assures me that he feels "fine". Regardless, I am glad for the support of his family, and my family from a distance.
This past year I had the opportunity to watch my daughter turn one along with every milestone that came along in her first year of life. For me, this brought on constant emotions of gratefulness, excitement, awe, exhaustion, depression, feelings of inadequacy, judgment, and anxiety. Another significant experience - I've breastfed now for 14 months, something I didn't want to do at first has defined me as a mother, help shape my attachment to my daughter, and makes me feel incredible what my body was able to do to sustain life.
Trump's election. I'm very resentful that the election was stolen, after I & many others volunteered & donated for Bernie & Hillary. It has given me anxiety, anger & sadness, mostly for others affected by his evil policies & prejudice. I'm glad my family & most friends are working against him too.
This summer, my sister got married. By this time last year, I would've never guessed that I would be at her wedding in the summer. Even more so, I would've never guessed that I would be able to be happy for her with such a sudden life change. I found myself distant from all of the preparations--mostly because I live in a different town, but also because I wasn't quite sure if I was ready to be happy For her.In the end,It was a conscious decision to give my sister any and all of the joy that I had that day. In the end, it turns out that I always want to be happy for my sister—no matter what we've been through together and separately.
Earlier this year I argued my first double-homicide case at the state supreme court level - not trying to proclaim my client's innocence, but trying to have him released after eighty years in prison instead of never. I lost with very little fanfare, and the experience will remain with me forever because of what I learned. For that I am inspired, grateful, and sad. A is a good person who killed two good people. We all wish the world was black-and-white - murderers bad, children good; rapists bad, doctors good; junkies bad, teachers good. It turns out it's simply not true. A is a deeply hurting man. What he did was horrible - children are left without parents, parents without children. There is no question that his actions were evil. He, however, is not. Representing him for two years, seeing his deep remorse transformed to a bright smile when we talk about animals and his family, learning who he is as a person - each visit to the prison showed me that he has the soul of a good man. Good and evil coexist in a tangled knot. Our desire to label, compartmentalize, and vilify people comes from a place of fear. If A is good, and he killed two good people, then where is the line between me and A? I am grateful to be a public defender, and to have had this experience - sitting on a bench by the BP4 site in Split Rock, watching the sun set over Lake Superior, grappling with how to rectify the deep pain of both A and his victims, grappling with how to fearlessly face the deep pain of a world without easy answers. This is what makes me angry about people who simply want to send everyone to prison and throw away the key: the lack of self-awareness, lack of compassion, lack of courage to face our darkest selves as humans and share what we find there. Reality is reality whether we like it or not, and there are no easy answers to pain. My friendship with MK might not survive this year. I'm so angry that he is settling for a life of creature comforts and a nice house and obligations that he has to fulfill, instead of truly, deeply, wildly, intentionally living. That makes me want to give up - that the man I love more than life itself is turning back into a person I've never met. But if this is my darkest self, I'm not going to shy away.
I experienced myself getting more comfortable in a leadership role. Shortly after the high holidays, I facilated a Wise Aging group at my synagogue. Even though I was well trained and well prepared, I was in an anxious sweat through the first couple of meetings. Gradually I became more comfortable, encouraged by the good attendance and active participation from among the group, comforted by the support of our rabbi, and empowered by positive feedback from group members. I grew "wiser" and more confident as the group explored their own aging through a Jewish lens. When I then had the opportunity to organize and facilitate a second series, I felt more pleased and excited than anxious.
I have found some community ... after tremendous loss and heartbreak - I just keep going to various Jewish stuff meetings with different groups of people - different congregations - and I feel that I am finding a bit of "place".
I passed my Level 1 Sommeliers certification with the Court of Master Sommeliers! I'm grateful, happy, thrilled that my wife passed hers, too, and feel like I'm beginning to give back to one of my favorite hobbies!
Hopefully I can count a 10 month experience as an answer, because the last year was a pretty incredible one. I spent 10 months in Israel on Israel Government Fellows, and I am so happy and grateful for having made that decision. I know my way around Jerusalem more than most other places in the world, my Hebrew is better than at any time in my life, and I had countless enlightening experiences. I feel far more confident in my understanding of the many nuances of Israeli society and politics than before, even if my own opinions are less that fully defined. It feels amazing to have followed through on something I have wanted to so for so many years and for it to have been as meaningful and enjoyable of an experience as it was.
A week after my son turned 13, he got hit by a car. I got a voicemail from someone saying my son had been hurt, but no response when I called back, followed by by a call from a paramedic telling me he was taking my kid to the local trauma hospital. Apparently, my son did not notice an SUV coming when he was crossing the street. He had a good-sized bump on his head and was bleeding a lot, along with some road rash. Followed by "drive carefully..." Ha. I was oddly calm, focusing on getting to the hospital. I remembered how my mom had worried that our absent-minded professor of a kid would get hit by a car when we moved to a bigger city. I remembered thinking that I always expected to end up in the ER with my kid when he was a teen, but I thought it would be for his life-threatening food allergies. When I arrived, there he was, lying on a hospital bed uncontrollably shaking, with a large neck brace and bloody hair and blood pooling under his pillow. His first words were dripping with sarcasm (Me: are you ok? Him: um, yeeeeeeahhhhh), and I was relieved he didn't seem to have a brain injury. We waited a long time for a CT scan and I asked the doc if there were risks in waiting. My kid pipes up with "mom, they're not going to put the kid who has basically nothing wrong with him before the guy with the gunshot wound." The doc said that since he's able to process like that, he wasn't really worried. When he got back from the CT scan and all was OK, the doc wanted our son to walk around a bit before releasing him. I told him to watch out for his IV cord. His reply: Don't worry, I'm always aware of my surroundings. When we did not respond, he asked us why we didn't like his funny joke... Too soon, kid. Too soon. Our son ended up not having any lasting injuries, and hopefully he learned a lesson (don't walk in front of an SUV). The 15 minute ride to the hospital was the longest ride I've had in a long time. I am grateful that our family has most of its health, that my smart boy was OK, and that he will now pay much more attention. It was kind of hard on mom and dad for a few hours... Incidentally, the car accident happened the night of Trump's inauguration. I'm not sure what sort of bad karma led to the universe making sure we remembered the crappiest day of 2017.
Not being depressed for three years in a row felt wonderful, and I feel tremendously grateful for my health and also somewhat grateful even to have gone through depression because it taught me so much. As I grow more confident of a healthy future, I am trying to figure out how to live more fully and with the compassion and care for others that I was shown. I'm also working on how to balance care for others with self care.
I was able to say the words and break up with my girlfriend of 10 years, who I'm still fond of but not as fond of in that way anymore. I mulled over it and rethought it and got advice on it for years, but just sat on the decision and let it eat at me for a loooong time. Years actually. I think my expectation was that breaking up would be the end, I'd never see her again, and I would be out on the street (or worse living back at home.) But now I'm so relieved that I did it. I am way less stressed without that baggage constantly weighing on my mind, and we are still good friends. My health has also improved a lot now that I'm not carrying around the secret. Looking forward to what the future holds now
Had a tough MBO review with Kira at RC and got an unexpectedly poor rating on a project that I worked hard at, and thought did quite well. As a result, I've distanced myself from the judgement and focused on what I can learn from the feedback, which is less about the success of the project and more about making sure that I manage perceptions actively.
In February I was driving to work when a 20-something idiot moron scumbag driving a Jaguar and going way too fast hit my car behind the right rear wheel, doing serious damage to my car and to my body. It has made this year very difficult. I have worked hard in physical therapy to reduce the pain I am still in.
I was elected to the community presidency and it has been ,ore than I bargained for. It is testing me in so many ways. Although I am committed to seeing my term through - damn, it's been hard so far. Looking for the pony in this.
My adult stepdaughter moved back in with my husband and me this spring, as she starts up a new professional career in our local area. She lost her mother as a teen. I didn't meet her until after she left for college, and I never had the opportunity to be a mother to her. Now it's both a challenging situation, having an adult child move back home, and an opportunity to build a stronger relationship with her.
I got laid off in February. At age 52. This SUCKS. Don't let anyone tell you that ageism doesn't exist
My father in law has been in our care at our home. He has needed our care, but had been sent to a skilled nursing facility for several weeks. He is now home. What was inspiring was to see our family pull together and be by his side. Shabbat mornings we plaued Bingo with grandpa and my son would make everyone laugh, help those who needed it, and be grandpa's buddy. It was impressive to see an 18 year old give Shabbat mornings to Grandpa. I am also grateful to be able to see my husband take good care of his dad and be a role model for our children.
In June I got what I thought would be a great job for the summer and fall. It was to be part-time in June, then full-time in July and August while someone was on maternity leave, then a potential for part-time in the fall (or even beyond). After less than 3 weeks I was "let go." He didn't say "fired," but I was fired. I had never been fired before. I was totally shocked, very confused, and extremely resentful at first. Last summer getting let go from SoCe Life was completely different than this. Interestingly, it really was for the best, I think. Not having the (very nice) paycheck has been hard, but other things this summer went so much better than they would have had I been working full time.
Marilyn and then my grandmother died, in quick succession. Though many friends of mine have passed away, some of which affected me immensely, these deaths are the first familial deaths that hit me hard. These women were a part of me. Are a part of me. They were mother figures. My grandmother was the one person in my childhood who I felt loved me without any expectation or conditions. She was old, and in pain, and that's absolutely a comfort, but what will never hold any comfort is simply the fact that I will live the rest of my life not seeing her, not hearing her, not cuddling with her. I can't stand it. And I can't think of the future without her without weeping.
After looking at my answer from last year, I saw that it related to the demise of said relationship this year, which was sudden and very painful. I'm still sad and upset, and know that we will never have a friendship again. Also celebrated mine and my husbands 40th wedding anniversary with a big party, uncharacteristic for us. It was great getting family and friends together, even for that short period of time, then back to our less than satisfying normal.
In December 2016, my mom accompanied me to Germany via plane. Prior to this trip, she absolutely despised everything German. She had hard feelings towards her mother, my grandmother, for abandoning her in favor of the country which tried to exterminate the global Jewish population. She was extremely claustrophobic, disallowing herself the ability to fly in a plane, board an elevator, or even use an escalator without fear of it breaking and...doing...something. This trip to Germany was huge. I used my leukemia and my mom's endless fear of my death to have her accompany me to visit grandmom. It was a very tough trip for us all I think, but it was critical to turning around our familial relationships for the better. The climax of this trip was our "refugee walk" as my mom calls it, which was actually intentional. My mom was extremely negative about everything and every person throughout the trip. Even the shower could not escape being cursed at for ruining my mother's life and contributing to the regrettable decision to ever go to "this fucking country" [of Germany]. We walked back a somewhat long way from grandmom's apartment, in December, to central Germany, with all of our luggage. I could not have imagined leaving my grandmother behind, knowing any moment, she may die. I was prepared to spend the rest of her living years there, me living in Germany until her death. That did not happen, but it added to the drama of me having to choose between leaving my grandmother behind despite her desperate wishes for us to stay, and or leaving my mother to fly back alone and be once again "abandoned in this fucking miserable country". I ultimately went with her, but not before ensuring that it was absolutely necessary for me to fly back. Our final taxi driver, spoke with my grandmother in German. I could understand that he was questioning why her family would leave her alone for the upcoming New Year holiday. I appreciated his sincerity in fighting for us to remain together, to the point of tears. My mother said it was none of his fucking business and that she chose to live in Germany. I saw that my mom was definitely right on that one point: my grandmom did choose repeatedly to spend her years in Koln, whether alone or with company. This is how she chooses to live, and it is not our responsibility to own up to her decisions. A lot of important things happened directly and indirectly from this trip. My mom began to see some nice things in and about Germany...one by one. She developed a better working relationship with her mother, to the point that she sees how its worth her mother's headaches today, to be able to remember them all tomorrow...and to know that she truly did her best, for the rest of her days. We met a lot of the people in my grandmother's life, spent time with them, and established lifelong relationships with them. My mother realized that she is free to mobilize about the world if she so becomes inclined. She contemplates music tours in the EU now, which is starkly in contrast to her previous attitude. She desires to go back to Germany now for a third time, alone, to go see her mother and play more gigs! It's a change I never, ever even contemplated prior to leukemia and my mom's unhealthy obsession with trying to immortalize me. It's a story of how we truly made the best from what initially seems to be the worst. I cannot be more grateful for all of the changes leukemia has brought into my life, by sheer attitude adjustment and really letting life be free.
Decided to say yes to people I feel good around and no to people I dont or that I want a change in relationship with. I get along better with Craig now letting him know I could say no to our relationship because I didnt feel safe in it or saw the point of it.
There have been a few: 1. Hillary Clinton did not win the election and it destroyed me. I still feel fundamentally broken. 2. I successfully defended my dissertation, but I am super bitter about how badly it went, that someone actually blamed me for electing Trump during it, and just trying not to relive it every couple of days. 3. I moved to Australia with James, and it could not have been at a better time. I feel rejuvenated here, even if I'm under a lot of job-hunting stress and constantly fighting off massive bouts of depression.
The Women's March was a worldwide protest on January 21, 2017, to advocate legislation and policies regarding human rights and I was there, in Washington D.C. Along with 40 of my fellow Unitarian Universalists, we took the 8-hour bus ride to participate in the most inspiring event of my life. What struck me most was not the speakers but the crowd. Not only was it massive, it was diverse. Fellow marchers were passionate, friendly and kind. Everyone we talked with felt that they needed to be there to express what kind of a nation we wanted to be. In light of our current administration, it was inspiring to be among people who felt that this was a time to raise their voices. There were so many that having a single march did not work. As we walked across the Mall (from near the Federal Triangle station to the Federal Center station), we saw a different march on each of the four streets we crossed. It was as if, somehow, like-minded people found each other and proceeded with the march on their own. We didn't need leaders -- we all led. I am so grateful to have been there. It was a moment in history that is now part of my history. And, I have found that, if my will starts to flag, I just look at my pictures from that day, and I am re-energized.
We moved back to Seattle this August and it stirred up a lot of different emotions. I was sad to leave Portland, and to abandon the summer/year of exploration that we had planned on. I was sad to leave the friends we had grown close to while there, and hurt and disappointed by lack of response I got from the people I thought I had been close to in graduate school. I was also scared of losing the things I had found living in Oregon: the independence from family, the sense of adult freedom, and the ease of getting out a doing fun things. The move itself was stressful. It was hard moving into a space we hadn't seen before and the unknown made the whole process harder I think. I was so, so anxious. I felt a huge pressure to get all moved in before my fellowship started. I wish I knew how to navigate this type of change with more equilibrium. Coming back to Seattle has felt good, like slipping back into a comfortable sweatshirt. We know this place: we have haunts, deep and personal internal maps, and the ability to navigate living life here. Our friends' excitement for our return has felt warm and reassuring. I am excited about the graduate school peers who have moved up here as well.
My significant experience was meeting Tango Husband. It was flirtatious, erotic, passionate, tumultuous, and healing. I'm grateful for having him in my life, and I miss him a great deal. I wish he could come back.
An experience where I realized many things about myself: I am old, I can easily build up illusions that trick myself into living in a false reality, the stakes are set, the die is cast, I cannot complain, I have a roof over my head and food at will.
My old lover John died in a SNF. I was there most days for a month. I also tried to get his Court appointed conservator to let John die at home, but I wasn't able to negotiate that. I'm glad I spent John's last night with him, holding his hand. It was intensely intimate. I'm grateful that his current girlfriend came the next morning. I was devastated about how my proud friend lost control over his life because of the law. With $4M in assets, he should have died at home. I am grateful for the time I spent with him, and that I was able to draw him out of his crushing depression caused by being in essentially solitary confinement for months before I learned of his situtaiton. It was like being in a war zone to care for him there, begging for morphine and fighting for him. In the end, all I could give was myself. That may have been enough.
A project I started with my friends has changed the way I look at all the work I do. It has made me look to having an impact more and more in the work I do. I'm feeling more inspired to ensure that everything I do has a more lasting impact. Whether in my life and in the lives of others.
There has been no specific defining experience rather a shift in myself, an understanding of myself, a kindness and acceptance of how some past experiences have been sitting with me. I feel I have let go of something without having to define exactly what that something was. It feels good to be me just now, I feel strong and hopeful, a resilience.
Being made redundant and losing another job a year later. It has made me question the motives of others, who you can trust in business (no one) and what I should be focusing on for my future career. Security and a job that doesn't impact so much on my home life is now more important to me than career fulfilment, although I know I will find that hard to let go of I have to remind myself that I have achieved so much. I also have to let the actions of my previous employer go - they criticism of me was not justified.
I got a puppy. It has been a great joy and a test of my patience, which is surprising since being an RN is a significant test of patience. I am incredibly grateful and through the difficulties I have not once regretted getting him. He brings me joy and shares his vulnerability with me, just as some of my patients do. In essence he restores my human compassion after long difficult days with people.
I aced my Masterthesis to my own surprise. It was not in line with the image of mediocracy I have of myself. Though it did cost me all my energy to pull this off as I was subsequently sick for months after. So in one hand I am inspired by the success and on the other I am learning that especially when I put my whole heart into something I need to give myself time to recover. And recharge!!
The experience itself wasn't particularly significant, but but the effects of it were. For the first time in years, I took a solo trip to Santa Barbara. The beach was lovely, but nearly everything that could go wrong, did. I had to change hotels ( picked the noisiest one!), got lost pretty much constantly, backed my rental car into a mailbox - and a friend's car!, missed my flight home by 3 minutes, and had a meltdown in the airport after Supershuttle caused me to miss my ride home. The funny thing is, though, that all those misadventures left me with an exhilarating feeling of resilience and confidence. Everything can go wrong - and it often does - and I can still take care of myself.
The election left me a bit distressed however I've channeled that energy by attending several political meetings.
I am on dialysis, so there goes my hopes of travel. I have been off work since January. My frustrating year of unhealthyness started in the hospital over the Christmas. My stay lasted for just over three weeks. Great way to start the new year. First it was pneumonia, then kidney failure. Another year sick, short of money. Thankless job. I am very frustrated, disappointed 😔. I have been very lucky in love and am married to the most amazing, loving, supportive, inspiring husband. I have definitely been very 🍀 in 💖
Falling in Love was probably the most significant experience in the last year for me. Of course I'm tremendously grateful to have had this wonderful woman be part of my life. And then losing her was terribly sad. Although I understand her need for more spiritual and mental stimulation. Well it felt unfair that she wasn't able to be comfortable and relaxed in the environment here and there is a little resentment on my part as she felt it was my fault, I deeply appreciate the inspiration there for me to seriously improve my home as my home can get better and better until it is a welcoming place of beauty in every place you look.
I travelled to NY, solo, for three weeks, for the first time, and in celebration of my 40th birthday. It reinvigorated me and inspired me, and reconnected me with parts of myself that I had lost touch with. Even though I'm still heavily in debt as a result, I'm profoundly grateful for the experience and to everyone who helped me along the way.
I moved to New Jersey right before 5777. The most significant experience for me in 5777 was that for the first time, I was living outside of California. So many things changed. I was away from my family for the longest time I've ever been away from them. Everything was a new experience- driving, shopping, working, and eating were all different than what I was used to. I had to adjust my expectations to everything... The produce in the market is different, you have to pay to drive on the freeway, there is NO MEXICAN FOOD, and my job is huge. At first I had a hard time, being away from friends and family was difficult! Now, I'm thankful that I took this plunge. I've grown so much and feel like I could make a life for myself and Natalia out here on the east coast!
The presidential election outcome affected me significantly. While disheartened by the election outcome and current leadership in our already great nation, I have seen my rather historically conservative community take action in a progressive direction that make me hopeful. A grassroots, nonpartisan and very active group has formed and holds rallies, organizational and resistance meetings, voter registration drives, candidate forums etc, etc. on all manner of topics. And while I'm not a leader in this organization, when they hold a rally in the town square or in front of our US Congress person's office, I am there. And knowing there are so many in this traditionally conservative town/county who share progressive leanings inspires me and gives me hope.
Benjamin, my first grandchild, was born. Being a grandparent has been a profound experience. I am in love with this baby! Being with him I am truly "in the moment." His adorable little face, his smile, his giggle melt me. I can't stay away and have seen him nearly every week since he was born. This is so much better than being a first time parent because I know what to do and just love (nearly) every minute with him.
I cannot get past this diagnosis, it has stopped me in my tracks. I have aged without intention. It is like a wicked fairy waved a wand over me and changed me inside and out. My mind is stuck, my body bloated and I am being carried away to a place that I have no desire to be. I am no longer a woman, I am invisible except in the mirror where I am huge.
I went through depression for about 2 months I was close to finishing school in august and I was really excited to be done . Ready to start working making money. Well when I was close to graduating I end up losing a relationship that was 3 year , lost my best friend, lost my job and unfortunately my car had broken down. Yeah we can say everything came at once during the time I didn't have nobody nor a job I had realized WHO I WAS , WHO I AM , AND WHO I WANTED YO BE . Honestly I'm pretty glad all this happen it helped me to grow and learn more about myself what I needed to change to be able to succeed where I was heading
My father died. Since then my siblings and I have been going through the condo to split items up, donate, toss, ... I have felt at times sad at reminders of my parents and my loss while also feeling happy at funny moments we recalled.
One of my best friends died unexpectedly. I am so sad. It is hard to get over it. I was not family but still the loss is so real. She was just an astounding person, funny and sassy and fun. She loved me unconditionally. She loved my kids. If anyone was mean to me, even slightly, that person became her enemy. She was a hoot. We had a lot of plans, to travel and play with her grandson and on and on. I love you, LuLu!
This year, just two weeks ago, give or take, I emerged from the mikvah as a Jew. It, the moment itself, bursting through the waters, was significant in a way that I did not anticipate. The immediate journey to conversion had been a year-long process, although the spiritual journey had been much longer. The culmination of it shouldn't have come as a surprise. If you walk in the same direction for a year, arrival should be a foregone conclusion. I hadn't anticipated the emotional impact, perhaps because I tended to do a fairly muted version of 'emotion.' This was huge, this was significant, this was a life-changing event... I emerged with a new relationship to my community and to the world. And yet... there was also an emotional let down. The journey to conversion is over. What's the next journey?
I have now lived in Toronto for an entire year. This past year, in it's entirety has been a significant experience in my life. Exploring the city and making new friends. Making a new city in a different province a home. I am grateful for this experience. It has taught me so much. It has made Eric and I closer. It has made me treasure my friendships with my friends who are so supportive even though I don't see them as often. It has also opened me up to new friendships. I was resentful at first but now I am grateful. I am excited to move and experience new places in our future as well.
I helped organize the WFAN (Women Food & Ag Network) conference in Nebraska City in November of 2016. Although I played a minor role, I participated in monthly organizing meetings, provided produce for the meal, and lead one of the farm tours. This was the first conference I attended that was specifically for women farmers (I also later attended the National WISA conference in Oregon). It is sometimes easy to overlook the fact that most farming conferences are predominantly male when it comes to the presenters and participants. This has an effect on conference content and who speaks up at the conferences. At both WFAN and WISA, I felt a communal and collaborative spirit as well as specific topics to support the challenges I go through as a female farmer. I am incredibly grateful that communities value having conferences specifically for minority groups. It helps bring a new perspective and a safe space for those individuals. The energy of both of the conferences felt different than let's say PFI or NSAS conferences. I was inspired in a new way - in a way to promote value added products and relationship marketing, which I think could be a big support to Matt and my farming business. Matt does the production side well. I think I have other qualities that can aid outside of production, which are equally important both financially and emotionally.
It's hard to narrow this to just one experience. However, I think that losing our beloved Bunny was so significant. This was the first time I was responsible for making the decision to euthanize a pet. It was such a heart-wrenching time, filled with a week of tears before finalizing the decision. However, there was a sense of relief, as I realized she was no longer suffering. There was guilt and regret, realizing that I had missed the signs of hyper-thyroidism. Most of all, there is appreciation for the role that pets play in our lives. Those furry little critters crawl into our hearts, offering unconditional love.
In April of 2016 I boarded a plane, bound for Mosul, Iraq to work in a field hospital... helping/nursing those injured in the crossfire between ISIS and ... the world. I am not sure that I have truly realized the impact of this experience on my life but what do I know for certain is that it I am forever changed... and the sequalae of this one month will echo on ... and on... and on... Nursing gravely injured Iraqis and Kurds - innocent bystanders in a war they don't agree with (i.e. Not ISIS supporters) - their limbs/organs decimated by morter blasts, sniper bullets, unrelenting infection.... And not only their bodies... their homes levelled. Not only a place of refuge but a building that housed their belongings, their memories... gone. And not only their homes. But... most significantly... often loved ones that lived within those walls. Killed. Or captured... only to be tortured/brainwashed by ISIS into carrying a weapon or wearing a bomb vest. Did this affect me? Absolutely. I am aghast at the destruction...cruelty... inhumanity... caused by the black poison of hate/intolerance. For this I still have no words. I am humbled and honoured to know people who stand to face this: doctors, nurses, surgeons, translators, support staff.... who answer hate with LOVE and a Heart that Serves, Hands that help Heal... I am grateful that I live in a safe place but angry at my fellow North American for living petty lives... fattened but the trivial pursuits of 'pleasure', 'excess' without a clue of how thin the veil of "safety" really is. I'm sick of the 'entitlement' of North America. I am certainly inspired to GO. To do more. To help elsewhere. As well as at home. To be a Light in Dark Places. For that is where my life's deepest longing meets the world's deepest need.
Traveling with my partner Ben (vacation road trip in California and to Seattle to move him in). I think we travel and work well together, and it showed me how strong our relationship is. I am really grateful to have him and to be able to grow together. It gives me a lot of hope to see us build a life together and solve problems properly when we both come from broken homes.
I had the privilege of taking a group of teens to Spain. They lived with families; so I didn't have them 24/7. It gave me a lot of alone time. Some of it I enjoyed, but some I wasted on Netflix. What I didn't do was try to make friends for the 3 weeks I was there. I didn't involve myself in community life like I would have when I was young. I felt old for the first time. I saw that people saw me as old as well (even though I'm only 55). I realized what a small world I live in now, how I'm reluctant to establish new relationships beyond my meager borders. I was grateful to get to know these things about myself at this stage in my life. I was sad about them too, maybe even a bit nostalgic. Given the opportunity, I won't let it happen again.
Not only did I move to Israel this year but I think most significantly I lived in Tzfat for two months. It was an experience I never expected for myself and I'm grateful for the opportunity. I learned a lot about Judaism and the religious lifestyle which I've never been a part of. I will never become religious but I'm so glad I had the chance to experience it and the beauty of Tzfat.
This year I got married it was beautiful and intense and it's imperfections reminded me how loved I was. I'm so grateful for every part of it for every little bit of everything that was the event. I am in awe of the life I have found for myself and super excited to have so many amazing lives touching mine. It's an amazing experience one I will never forget and a high point in a great life.
Immediately following the 5777 HHD’s, I was diagnosed with Mulitple Myeloma. I was sick with it while I led HHD worship and didn’t know it. This past year has been a journey through cancer treatment (sometimes really rough) to remission. My life is forever colored by my non-curable disease. I am at once relieved that I will soon get my life back, but always aware that I am a blood clot or re-emerging symptom away from peril. Nevertheless, I have learned much about myself having lived in an alternate universe. I learned to turn inward and return to my self; turn upward and more deeply connect to God; and turn outward serve my community with even more passion and compassion.
Donald Trump getting elected president and withdrawing from the Paris Climate Talks. I am concerned and so disappointed. I am concerned for all the National Monuments that are pricleless environemental treasures that will no longer be protected areas from development.
I switched up jobs for the better. I am relieved to be working in a healthier environment but have regrets about accepting a lowball offer. Time to amend this.
I had a really wonderful connection with a guy that I had not felt in a really long time. It was very deep and I felt like I could fully be myself. Unfortunately it was long-distance and we did not make it in the end, I am still grateful for it. I am sad and hopeful and the same time because I hope I can find it again in the right time and place.
One significant experience was learning that not everyone deserves your energy and effort, it was such a hard realization that you can love someone so much and they can be not in the same place as you for mutual respect. It was hard. It hurt, but I realized at that point there was a meanness in them that I could not accept nor be associated with. I am grateful for the knowing them, and the time I had to spend with them, I honestly learned so much, I was instantly relieved after the culmination of altercation with words, it was over. There was no resentment, only lightness. I am inspired to always do better, and work hard to leave others better than when I found them.
My boss took a leave of absence, and I am his replacement. I knew it was coming, but it happened much sooner than I anticipated. I'm honored. I'm scared. I'm hopeful. I'm looking forward to his return, and hoping that my performance while he's gone will get me a better position than the one I had.
I walked away from a man I loved. I rarely hear my own footsteps walking away and as it turned out I liked that sound, strong woman sound. I am inspired to continue on my journey of self.
There were quite a few, but probably the most significant and the one I'm still mulling over in my head is getting into my first "relationship" after five years. It didn't last long, but I realized and learned so much about myself while doing it. I also realized that I will not tolerate the selfish, controlling behavior that once governed my past, and let him go at the right time as opposed to letting it fester. It left me with a lot of questions, like how I ended up in a similar situation to my ex, but confident that I could take care of myself and remain strong.
A few weeks ago I was taken to the emergency room because I was behaving completely unlike myself. I had gaps in my memory and was behaving in a childlike state. I didn't know my name. I didn't remember I was married. After a day in the emergency room, a psych evaluation and two days of sleep - it was confirmed the reason for my mental breakdown was intense stress and sleep deprivation. After waking up and feeling incredibly horrified and embarrassed - I realized my own role in allowing stress to overwhelm my system and the impact almost ruin my career and - even worse - my marriage. I'm greatful for a wake up call that prompted healthier stress management and work life balance. I've completely changed my relationship with work and I'm forgiving myself for prioritizing work above my own health. And my marriage. I'm slowing unraveling the shame of the aftermath. And mostly, I'm so damn relieved that it was a one time thing that I can prevent in the future. I'm way more compassionate towards those who suffer from ongoing mental illness. And I'm ever greatful to a husband who understands all of this.
Argentina - Seeing the glaciers and what this truly means for our world.
I cannot think of any truly significant experience that happened in the last year. I suppose going away completely by myself to Cozumel was pretty big. I've never travelled and been totally on my own. The trip was amazing and I recognized a lot of God's grace and his love for me in enjoying my time. I also realized I can travel and be alone and have a great time by myself. I told someone that I would not travel to Japan by myself but, writing this I think "Why not?" I could do it and have a great time doing it. I want to put that on my list of things to do - traverse Japan alone. Woohoo! After I learn some Japanese.
I know now that I have to break off with a man that I havee been seeing I moved out of my home. I love him, but he is childish and needy, and needs to be parented, in many ways like my ex hsband. I am glad to have come to this realization before I married him, but distressed that my old patterns continue.
The most significant experience I've had this year was the death of Alex. I don't think I've experienced anything as sad or as all encompassing as the suicide of my friend. It has touched every aspect of my life, and although it happened 4 months ago, I still think about her and her death at least every other day. At the time, her attempt and subsequent death took over my mind and body. I was acting out in anger and sadness towards those around me that didn't know my secret, and I wasn't able to sleep or do anything but think about her, the situation, and be depressed. I was emotionally exhausted all the time, and cried everyday. I also had to act in the most mature ways I've ever had to . . . by telling people what happened, comforting them, and reliving the news every time I did so. I had to think about the best way to deal with this experience, who to tell, when to tell them, how to tell them, what to do at all. I didn't know any answers, but just did what my gut and brain told me would be best. I think I did a pretty ok job at that. Alex's death made me feel death more vividly all around. I see the worthlessness and insignificance of life and every action taken in the world. Not that nothing matters, because it all matters in some way, but in the end, we will all die, and none of it will end up mattering. If we kill the earth and all of humanity ends, I don't think that's a problem, it's just the end. Is prolonging the end any better than nothingness? I think the experience has made me a happier person because no matter what happens to me, or what circumstances appear, I know they will end, and new circumstances will appear. Alex's death makes me see the long game clearer. Sometimes I think of a mundane detail in life and then think, "And Alex is dead." It pulls my attention back to how minuscule certain things are, but yet that life goes on and I still have to pick what shirt to wear or how to word an email or what to eat for dinner. I am so angry at Alex for what she did, and how she betrayed herself and everyone she knew, but I also cry because I can't imagine how much pain she must have been in to feel like there was no solution other than to end her life. I wish she didn't have to feel that pain, and in some ways I understand that she did what she thought she had to, no matter how delusional or wrong I think that act was. I'm glad she's not suffering anymore, but I also suffer way more because of the repercussions of that act. It's like a tiny tiny bit of her suffering was transferred to me, but I'm fine carrying that around.
Campylobacter. Three weeks of bedrest. Side Effects that linger for weeks. I lost about 10% of my body weight, which I really don't mind. It bothered me at first but now see it as a reboot. I'm not sure I agree with the Health Department about how I caught it. But I'm not resentful of getting it. Just will be more careful.
This summer Kathleen and I visited Prague and Berlin, and made a point of visiting a number of Holocaust-related sites (Theresienstadt, Murdered Jews Memorial, Jewish Museum). I think the most moving parts were the individual family stories - ordinary people living normal (happy?) lives suddenly uprooted and murdered just for being who they were. It was sobering to have that juxtaposed with the neo-Nazi march in Charlottesville - left me worried for the future, and desirous of taking professional action: combatting ideas in my classroom and researching how Germans and Americans have chosen to monumentalize their past.
I felt God nudging me to jump ship from Hamilton to Hogg. I wasn't unhappy, it began when I saw Jaime and Mary Katherine Breed at the Abydos conference. I had lunch with them and began wondering how fun it would be to plan with them. But that didn't pan out, but I really enjoy planning with Taryn Walley. Ms. Ryan from Ireland is very giving, buying us coffees etc. But she is doing her own thing. Hogg is Inter Baccalaureate so I'm learning a whole new framework, complete with jargon, for teaching. I see kids everyday, but I only have 4 classes! That's 116 kids compared to 169 from last year. Its so different. I also have to integrate reading into the mix. After I left, all these stresses I had at my old school were uncovered as I entered the family-like culture of the new school. I am glad I moved. God told me back in March when I was wondering, "Oh Lord, what should I do?" I heard distinctly, "You know what to do." I took that as don't stagnate where you perceive you are safe. Go and be challenged. Go and grow. That you Jesus.
Question 1 and 4 are the same for me. Can I actually talk about anything other than the election? I don't know. I grew up watching women struggle for their rights, and as soon as I was able, I joined the feminist movement. I trusted that hard work and perseverance would eventually break the glass ceiling here. I saw Hillary Clinton as the tip of a spear on which I was part of the staff behind her, and I trusted that when she went through, so would I. Instead, I learned that the majority of white women, much less white men, don't trust the qualifications of even the most eminently qualified and best-informed candidate of a generation because she was female. I wept over that statistic for weeks. That men could be sexist didn't astonish me. That women don't really trust women to lead -- not even when they run against a pussy-grabber with no background in the field he is supposed to lead -- that devastates me now. What to do about it? No idea. I keep standing up for immigrant rights, women's' rights, civil rights for minority groups including Jews, and I won't ever stop. But how do we make women trust themselves to run things? How do we make men trust the women in their lives who exhibit discernment and good judgment? That I don't know. I am despairing. I cry often about this. I won't give up, but I cannot accept this verdict on the competency of women. Ha-Shem made Devorah judge over Israel. Women have led before. Women MUST lead now, as men seem to want to send us to war with no real prudence right now. They want to disrupt the social contract that activist Jewish women worked so hard to enact in this country. What are any of us to do? I pray. I weep. I pray some more.
I lost my sister-in-law months before she was turning 62 and retiring. My brother and she planned to move to Sarasota to be near us. I was shocked, saddened and even somewhat angry as it just did not seem fair.
2017 was a rather quiet year without any significant experience. Private and business life was calm. Its a bit "waiting for the divorce date in 2018". The long-distance relationship is stable but my gf is very emotional and there is a chance that she can not cope with this relationship for a longer time. This are still in motion and I expect some tranquillity only after 2018.
A new company came to my small Ky city and I took a full time position for the first time in 5 years. I am grateful and relieved. My mental health is better and I am inspired by this opportunity. Even though I am financially sound, I will be able to put more money aside for the future. At 55, I have no idea how long I might be around at this point. Things move fast these days.
i watched/witnessed elise die. it impacted me tremendously. i am in awe of all of it. how her tiny body failed her. how her body was/is just a vessel. how we surrounded her with as much love as possible. to witness her pain, to try to ease it in some way. i am in total awe of how alex cared for her, what devotion and love. i am grateful i am relieved i am so sad and i am exhausted by the hugeness of the experience
Wow, so much. it is almost impossible to narrow this down. A year ago I was new to Tucson, in my first semester of my PhD program, living on my own 2500 miles from everyone and everything I ever knew, trying to form a new academic identity for my graduate studies. Since then I met the love of my life at a women's rally, moved in with her and out of the miserable non-home I was sharing with Al, grown my family to include a tortoise and 3 new cats (one of which we adopted together - shoutout Levar), got 3 new tattoos, largely made peace with my family (oh yeah, my mom moved very suddenly back to Scotland - there's another thing), began therapy, overcame my fear of pharmaceuticals and discovered the therapeutic self-care that medication can offer, and so much more. It's been a year, y'all - I'm not even touching the political spectrum. But to focus on one thing in particular, I just recently dropped out of that PhD program after accepting that a life in academia is absolutely not what I want. It was too far removed from actually making a difference in the community to feel meaningful or important to me. I was offered a full-time job with Emerge! to facilitate their Men's Education Program. I'll be working with men towards understanding domestic violence - both in terms of our accountability and the social parameters that lead us to abusive tactics. I start next friday! (9/29/17) I expect it is going to be incredibly challenging and emotional difficult at times, but I am extremely excited for this opportunity. It will be interesting to see if I am still doing the same job a year from now, and if I am enrolled in the MSW program at ASU as I've planned. All I know for sure right now is that I gambled big with a lot on the line, and I am learning how important that is. I have no regrets whatsoever, and I don't think I have ever been so happy. :)
I found out my husband has a neurological disease which is progressive and for which there is no current treatment. I am grateful that we were fortunate enough to be accepted into a clinical trial I don't know if it is working, but it gives us all hope and for now, that is the best we can ask for.
I attended a session with Matt Kahn and it reinforced that the key to moving forward is to love whatever arises. And to feel things through our bodies. This technique brings up a few things that I think are so important in evolving as a species. First, when we have a conversation with our feelings, that takes away the scary, fear based stuff (Think of the Disney Movie, Inside Out) Secondly, you gain clarity about polarity. Things are good or bad, they are just energy. Nothing to fear. Finally, we are bodies on a spiritual journey. Our bodies have evolved and, through DNA, bring survival tactics and behaviors that served them when they were in lack, pain, struggle and scarcity. Now, we can objectively look at them and make new and different choices. I feel grateful, relieved, and find that answering this question has brought some clarity.
My husband decided he doesn't want to be married to me anymore. This turned my world upside down! I am devastated, confused, vulnerable and lost. I know that I have to respect his decision since I don't want to live with someone who doesn't love . I have to find my inner-strength and make decisions that will affect my future. But then I think about getting married in the first place, I don't remember that being hard to decide. I didn't know anything then either. We moved far away from my family and I never looked back. So I have to find that young woman inside me and go from there.
Trump got elected. I am angry, annoyed, resentful, incredulous and hoping to create change.
Financial insecurity is really wearing me out. I'm tired of worrying about money all of the time. I'm overwhelmed.
I parted ways with my best friend of 30 years. I was very angry and hurt. I am grateful for the pressure being gone. I am also relieved of the financial burden & responsibilities that weren't mine. I had become resentful of being lied to and taken advantage of. I've been inspired to move forward in life. I called this morning & left a message letting her know I have forgiven her and wish her nothing going but the best.
About 4 months ago I discovered an alternative treatment that has changed my life! Though I still suffer from pain, depression and overwhelm, it's now decreased about 75%. After some very bad months through winter and spring, I'm now walking, eating better, cooking again and involved in (too) many projects, causes and activities. I am coping better with problems, such as my mother, her deterioration and her rages. I want everyone to try CBD oil (without THC, it doesn't get you high) used as an anti-inflammatory. I've been recommending it to all my friends and a number have started using it with good results. So grateful to feel better!
I graduated from Grad school. Initially, I was excited to graduate and start working in the social work field, but I'm still looking for a job...almost 5 months later. These last five months have left me more resentful and less secure and less confident than before. I never imagined it taking this long to find a job and it's really hurting me and my family financially. I am so eager to begin my work and continue learning in this field, but they definitely don't prepare you for this gap in grad school.
This past year, I went to Israel for the first time in my life. I am so grateful for that amazing experience. My trip to Israel inspired me, and really awakened me to become a person I haven't been in a while. The trip motivated me to work hard and not give up on things that I thought were hopeful. Being in my home country was such an amazing experience. It was indescribable the feeling of being surrounded by people like me. With the increasing waves of anti-Semitism following the election, Israel felt like an escape from the hate of America. I love Israel for so many reasons. It has reaffirmed my faith in God, in Judaism, and in people. I love Israel, and I feel so grateful that I had the chance of to go this past summer. I can't wait to return this summer, with the Diller fellowship. I am so unbelievably lucky.
I left my husband of six years, partner of nearly ten years. It's been six months since I moved out, and it's been the most painful experience of my life. There has also been relief. There was no wrong doing, no adultery, but there was a lot of not taking responsibility for oneself. I love this person, but I wanted him to be someone he couldn't be. I realized I need to be in partnership with someone who is able to truly self reflect and look at himself, and not blame the world, or others, or me for his discontent. The pain has been so immense, I understand why people stay in unhappy marriages - this is not for the faint of heart. I'm not resentful - I've done a lot of personal work, which is how I arrived at the decision to leave the marriage and not blame my husband. He was not doing anything to me, he was depressed and struggling, and I couldn't rescue him, nor he me. I'm putting one foot in front of the other and taking responsibility for my own happiness and fulfillment. I'm inspired to connect with myself, discover more about who i am, what i love, and what i can contribute.
My mom had either seizures or TIA with declines. She has been on hospice since November. She lives with us, by my choosing. I never expected her to live to September. She continues to decline slowly. Excruciatingly slowly. It has affected every aspect of my life. I continue to work full time. My job has a certain flexibility and I am able to come home midday two days a week and help get her up and dressed. Hospice provides assistance the other 3 days. As she has declined and needed more and more assistance my ability to socialize and "have a life" has diminished. My life is work and then Mom. I am supremely disappointed in my family and many friends...but with my sister, I realize that she did not make this choice--to keep mom at home. She does not have the patience or capacity to walk this path. This has been my choice. I am grateful to my husband and to my dear friend, who is taking a break from her life to come and help me, so I can help mom. I could not do this alone. They are my sanctuary and support. I have not been able to participate in many things that I would like to do. But each day, I make this choice to care for Mom. It helps to know that it is my choice. There is nothing in the world and no way to prepare for the demands of being the primary caregiver. This is the antithesis of the popular culture of hiding from the old, from the sick, from those with memory loss, the incontinent. Handing them off to be cared for by others. But in doing so, we miss the lesson of the preciousness of life, that love remains, that we are capable of great things. There is NOTHING like taking care of a slowly dying parent to put into practice everything you know about mindfulness and being present. Learning over and over again that truly, you have no control and then coming to terms with that, and just letting go of how things should be and living with how things are. I am so ready to have my life back, to be free to go out and to make plans. I am so not ready to say the final goodbye. I am grateful that I have support to walk this path with my mother. I am glad that I can live my values to save a life is to save the whole world. I will not have regrets that I gave my mother this gift of loving kindness as she winds down this life and sets sail for the other side. These days, there are fewer times when I see the light in her eyes. She sleeps more and more. Before I turn out the light for the evening as we go through our goodnight routine, I tell her, "This is not the end of the book...it's just the end of the chapter. We will still be able to love across time and space." Ken yihe ratzon.
Going to grad school to study art therapy. It felt like such an overwhelming relief to figure out my career path. I loved (almost) every minute of it.
In the past year (or close to it), I attended Burning Man. As a result of my time there and a pivotal reiki session, my true nature as a more-sensitive-than-average person really sunk it and allowed me the freedom to take care of myself in a more intelligent and guilt-free way.
I went to Spain. I am extremely grateful for the ability to travel.
Year in Israel!!! A confidence boost, a new place to love, so much learning, competence in conversation with Jews. I think more than I realize, the belief in myself that I can do a thing if it's a thing that needs to be done.
I coached volleyball at my former school and was coaching the daughter of the middle school principal. I made the decision to put her on JV because she just wasn't at the varsity level. My decision infuriated her father who proceeded to harrass me and try to get me fired. It made for a miserable experience and a terrible season. I felt like I let down my players by letting the situation get to me. Ultimately though, I'm grateful for what happened because it was the catalyst for me leaving my former district and moving to Arizona where I now work for an incredible school district. I feel inspired every day by the administration, faculty, staff, and students.
When I was informed at my Mammography that because I had hit the 3 year mark of being cancer-free, I will now have fewer films taken. I felt grateful. I did not realize that thee 3 year mark had significance to it (any more significance than I feel each year has). There is a part of me that will hold my breath until I hear the 'all is clear' as well as get nervous from any unexplainable ache or pain..... But I AM A SURVIVOR and live each day with gratitude and joy!
I walked and cycled the Camino in Northern Spain. I didn't do it for religious or spiritual reasons but it was an experience I will remember for the rest of my life. It gave me a great sense of accomplishment and made me appreciate the ability of my body to keep going day after day, gaining in strength and ability. How did it make me feel? Joyful. I had a big grin on my face from day 1 and it returns whenever I think about the experience. I am grinning as I type this.
This one is easy, though it's more than one. In a span of 6 months, I got engaged, married and pregnant. Engaged and married I was so incredibly happy. I get to spend the rest of my life with the love of my life who had originally been a years-long crush and even longer friend! Pregnancy came as a surprise as we conceived pretty much immediately after the wedding. I wasn't ready for it to happen so fast and I was a bit resentful in the beginning but now I cannot wait for my own little smush!
Living in St. Petersburg and then New York was my most significant experience, honestly. SPb rejuvenated me after a year of slow degradation, and New York gave me a whiff of a life that I want to lead. Both were difficult experiences that forced me to learn, to try, to focus, to be content with ambiguity. SPb was exactly what I needed -- the opportunity to be somewhere else and to do something new. The age-old melancholy of Russia gave to me new life and perspective on my problems, on history, on art, on the value of time. New York gave me that thrumming heartbeat and a different perspective, a different view of my future, the general future, on working with people. God, I want to go back to both. Beautiful places that are so incredibly important now.
I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. In December 2016, I started experiences really intense tingling and numbness that spread from my right foot to both feet and up my legs to up groin. I'd had tingling in my right foot and then my left toes on and off for a few years, but it had always been dismissed. I found a neurologist who did a spine MRI and a couple other tests, and I did NOT want to hear what the MRI results were. As far as I was concerned, the answer was either going to be bad news, or there was going to be nothing wrong, and then I'd have to continue to fight for someone to listen to me that I was actually experiencing these symptoms. That was the most shocking part when he called me, on inauguration day, to tell me that there was a lesion in my spine, and it was down to a malignant tumor, or multiple sclerosis. "Nothing wrong" was not an option. I joke now that when Donald Trump is being inaugurated President and that's not the worst thing about your day, something pretty freaking bad must have happened. Anyway, a week later, it had been determined that I did not have cancer, but I did have MS. Just like my father. My feelings come in waves, even now, 8 months later, and in stages too, almost like the stages of grief, but much more stretched out and with lots more stages and loops back, and periods where I'm just fine with it all. Sometimes it washes over me: I have MS. "Multiple sclerosis." It sounds so much more serious when you say the full thing instead of just the letters. And it is a shock, all over again, that I have it. Me. The person who I am, has a serious disease. I'm 35, and because I started feeling ill in college, and got a spinal tap that showed results indicate of MS at that time, at around age 20 or 21, they believe I've likely had it all this time. For 15 damn years, before anyone listened to me enough to catch it. Now, doctors are very kind and helpful, even for things not caused by the MS, like my connective tissue disorder which causes joint paint, or migraines. So I feel relieved, and grateful to the doctors who are helping me. I feel grateful toward the drug company (imagine!) who has been so helpful with teaching me how to inject their medication. I'm enraged at my body, and life, and medical misogyny. I'm resentful of the people who have distanced themselves from me because it makes them uncomfortable, mainly my lifelong best friend, Meredith, who stopped communicating with me as soon as I told her. I feel inspired by the other people I've met with MS, who live their lives and have fun and exercise and give me hope. And so overjoyed my girlfriend didn't consider it a reason not to meet me for the first time.
I became full-time tenure track faculty at Los Angeles Southwest College. I feel grateful for the opportunity. I get to use the skills I gained from my education in my position. I also get to work with other faculty and teach students. I’m also relieved. I no longer have to fill out countless job applications, go on interviews or wonder whether I will lose my job due to accreditation issues at my previous institution. At times, I do get a bit resentful because I wish I could take part in live (rather than watching recorded) webinars and conferences. Yet, there are times when I am truly inspired to go beyond expectations and really connect with students.
Retirement. Grateful and open to new adventures. Thanks
I started driving again. I drive a hand-controlled van and it's not easy to learn, but I did it and got back some independence. I was grateful to have the van, and inspired to do more. And then I had a crash. This threw me and although I wasn't that injured--I did break my sternum--I am now scared to get behind the wheel again. My husband can't drive much anymore, so it's on me. I'm a bit resentful of this. I'm always having to invent a new Brenda.
I was given feedback by my employer that made me question whether I was any good at my position. I'm a highly-trained professional, in a life-and-death kind of field. I see people at their worst and try to help. And I was told, in a very passive and flat way, that I wasn't good. I felt enraged. I felt resentful of the individual delivering the feedback. And later I really questioned if I could do my job. I think I grew to push myself a little more and, after changing employers, am back to thinking that I can do this just as well as anyone else.
Moving away and living by myself! That's been a great experience. I feel I made the right choice. Living by myself made appreciate more my family now that I dont see them as often and also value more all effort that my parents made to raise me now that I have to pay bills and clean after myself
The election was a mess, Trump is awful and the country is more divided than ever. I have gone back and forth on whether the bubble I exist in is part of the problem, but my sense of justice insists we head toward freedom and love and away from the past. Grateful, relieved are not the words I would use. Potentially inspired in that we have more work to do.
Recently a change in my job and the extreme stress it has put on me. I felt like I was going to break. I am surviving and feeling stronger. I am very good at my job and valued, but the extreme workload is not fair. I am looking at changing my plans for the next 6 years. I'm disappointed because I love what I do but it is too much for one person and I'm a responsible person that wants to stay on top of things. I'm a bit excited at what possibilities I might find and the freedom it could bring for me. I hope I don't chicken out!
The car accident happened on January 31st. At the time I was tired and stressed from work, feeling like I needed a break. Instead of going for professional development I decided to drive home instead. When the car hit me from behind I was so alarmed but had no idea how this would impact me. After seven months of not working and going only to therapy, I have returned to work but I am changed. I am still trying to understand this change. I am more accepting of my limitations and more patient with myself. I am not grateful for this event nor am I relieved. I simply accept it and try to move forward in my new skin, changed physically and altered mentally. Spiritually I am who I will be.
I lost my dog. It was one of the most heartbreaking experiences of my life. I had to make the decision. I still cry when I think about her sometimes. I just felt empty afterwards. I was so blessed to have her in my life. I don't think I could feel about another dog the way I felt about her. Despite that I am adopting another dog.
The play. Put me on the path to acting. Im grateful.
Discovering that I am missing a lot of things in my life. A lot of batch is going to different seminars, conferences and joing a lot of competitions while I stay inside my comfort zone. Especially when I was editing my resume, it's so bare and plain. Nothing special or noteworthy. I felt inspired yet regretful. I missed a lot of opportunities and wasted a lot of time not putting myself out there. Putting my instant gratification over future benefits.
My youngest got engaged. It has brought up a lot of emotions for me. Happy. Sad. Etc.
I realized my purpose in life is to bring peace to the world. I now focus my actions and conversations towards that goal. I have decided to take on new projects in my life. I am currently working on bringing the possibility of relaxation and hapliness to parents through a community, both online and in person, dedicated to giving parents the tools and advice they need to live happy lives. I recently got a summer internship over the summer. Which turned into a part time job upon finishing the internship duration. Very happy and fortunate. Because I've been taking on so much in my life and bringing other people into wbat I'm doing, I have has numerous experiences that showed me that I am the only one stopping me from doing what I want and everyone is out to help me.
This year I learned that I don't have to be strong enough to handle everything myself. There is no shame in needing support. It is strength to admit you can't, nor are you built to take all life throws at you alone. I am so grateful that God saw me through one of the hardest growing periods of my life. I am learning to not only love myself, but to allow people to love me back by being there for me. It has truly been a blessing to find that peoole really will love the parts of you, that you don't love.
A significant experience that happened in this past year was saying yes in the moment and going to Amsterdam within 24 hours of saying yes to lead and facilitate the Young Happy minds train the trainers. I went as Yvonne could not fly and took a massive chance. The experience was a true reflection of what happens when I put myself in my stretch zone. This experience showed me what a great facilitator I am, even without any preparation. It really transformed my confidence as a facilitator which continues. It taught me to say Yes more, put myself in my stretch zone and trust in myself. Since I have really committed to facilitating more spaces and I am grateful to Yvonne for believing in me.
I got engaged! I got engaged March this year. Although we had discussed it, it was a surprise when it happened - my partner had been away for work for almost a month and arrived back just before our 5th anniversary. We decided to go away for the weekend to celebrate and to catch up. I was and am excited, its something I've wanted for along time. We've started to plan and are getting married next year. Its lovely planning it together, it's somethings positive to focus on. It has instigated deeper conversations about our life together and added even more colour to our relationship.
Breakup. Briefly resentful and disappointed; Grateful, relieved, inspired and empowered.
My partner and I got engaged, moved in together, and had our civil marriage ceremony on the same date everyone in his family has gotten married for the past 3 generations. In a month we'll have our Jewish ceremony and full celebration, but we've already started building our life together and looking forward to what comes after. I feel truly blessed to have found my bashert.
My baby boy went off the college. It was pretty big as it left me as an empty nester and with a husband who travels a lot for work my nest has really been empty. It’s been an interesting and sometimes uncomfortable experience being alone so often. I’m learning a lot about myself and can see how important having community is. It’s really not something Ive cultivated in my life — something I am now eager to do. So it has me thinking a lot about what I want and who I want to spend time with. I have hindsight on my side this time as my son was home this summer, we just dropped him off at school and my husband leaves to light fedora a week. So, part II needs to be different — last year was a little too lonely. I feel grateful for the opportunity to learn even more about myself — always a welcomed opportunity.
Last year, i had been chasing the dream job others want for me. Particularly my parents. They’ve always wanted me to become a Nurse and so i did. But then again finding the Job and getting a stable position isn’t a given to just anyone. You have to know someone who has a higher position in the government close enough to ask the Mayor/ Governor to give you a job. It affected my final decision greatly. Honestly, i felt betrayed because when i applied for a job at some hospital they called to notify me that i will already work at a specific month and then a few months had past , i didn’t get the call again. I asked why am i so Unlucky? I knocked on every door but those doors are still closed with too much lock on it to make sure i can’t go in. Finally i gave up and realized it wasn’t for me and i have accepted that w/o stress nor grudge whatsoever. That’s just how i deal with things. I don’t like hatred and holding grudges on/to something that’s not meant for me. I’m glad cause now i am on my verge to greatness. Following my own footsteps. Following my own lead. Finally a business owner.
I completed a year of recovery in SLAA! I am grateful, relieved, and inspired. My attitude and perspective is totally different. This recovery has changed everything. I have a new sense of spirituality and a new relationship with myself and God. I may not have been this happy in decades...
My youngest daughter started Kindergarten this year and as a result I sensed a change in my relationship to motherhood. I have been a "baby mama" for so many years, the transition to being a mom of 2 school aged daughters feels different. It's freed space for me to focus on who I am aside from a mother and yet I also feel a sense of panic as I try to sort out what that means and what to do with myself. My role as a mother to babies fit and felt good. This new role is less clear and as a result, is more challenging.
I was called out of retirement to help my old company close a "problem project". When approached I was so vain to be "needed". While I will keep my word to help them with this project it has turned out to be much more time consuming than I ever expected.
Last year I went abroad for an internship. It got very hard at times, but as a result I'm a lot less naive now. Sometimes I am resentful about the whole thing, but deep down I know it was all a necessary life lesson.
sigh. i sent my daughter to school wearing a "nasty woman" tshirt on tuesday november 8th with such hopes that possibilities were more open for women in the US. my husband and i watched TV with alarm as the votes were not as we thought they were going to be. it was an eery moment when the power went off on the television and we went to bed in shock that trump became president. we both did not sleep well. tossing turning. i woke up to go to my class at the Y. it has been the only time i could not finish a work out. another woman next to me was in tears. nothing helped.
This year, I realized that I am 1-3 years away from retirement. And if things keep going the way they are, it's on the low side of that. Knowing that I have an option that doesn't involve worrying about being too old to hire is liberating.
My wife created "an intervention" due to advice she received from some psychic nonsense and cased our marriage to break apart. True, I was intending to end the marriage within 6 months of that time, but i may not have and there was potential that we would have reconciled and had an even better marriage. But pretty much everything that went from that "intervention" brought out why i can't be with that woman anymore. so i am overwhelmed about the separation and the ensuing divorce but at the same time, i am so happy to not be beholden to a shrew and unstable person. another major discordant blow is the fact that my children will be stuck with her
A significant experience that happened in the past year occurred at work. I realized a co-worker was manipulative and just out for themselves. It may have caused me to align myself with the lesser of two evils.
As I saw this question, the first thing that came to mind was my decision to convert to Judaism. It was sitting quietly and writing before the Yom Kippur afternoon service that I realized deeply that these are my people, like Ruth I realized "your people will be my people, your God my God." It was such a moment of clarity. Later I would approach my Rabbi about what I needed to do. It meant giving up preaching and no longer staying betwixt and between. Both terrifying and liberating at the same time. I expected more grief, more feeling of loss but being so clear on where I am going, made it clear that it was time to let go of the past and put my whole self firmly into this new chapter of my life. I look forward to completing my conversion in 5778!
I realize now that I will not find my b'sherit in this lifetime. I've had many cherished loves in this life, but not one that has sustained. I realize I'm not alone in this, and though grateful for the many joys I've shared, and love I've received; I'm saddened by the loss. In fact, though I have so much to be grateful for, I find myself unable to not be depressed and saddened by the growing disarray of not only my living situation, but of the horror and cruelty in so much of the world. Gross inequality, with no hope of alleviating or addressing inequities. Yes, I am grateful, but also Resentful, Dismayed, Angry and Horrified.
Most significantly, I have learned how to eat mindfully, which carries over into life. To not be haunted by food, denial or binge, is huge. I am relieved, grateful, inspired, hopeful for the future. In addition, I now have Mandalay and am making my way in the study of dressage. I have a horse to love.
I have lost my job and while I have time to find a new job, it is a very stressful time. I am relieved as I was under a lot of stress in my current role, but due to my age and level of experience it is difficult to find a job at the same salary level. The whole experience of looking for a job is a very challenging experience.
I found my birth mother. I'm incredibly grateful that I still had the email address that I registered with those adoptee websites 13 years ago. It hasn't changed me, but I feel more free.
I came into myself. I'm 28 years old, and it has only been in the past year that I truly developed into an individual. Since I was fifteen, I have always been half of a whole. During the brief time periods where I wasn't in a relationship, I fell into a deep depression and engaged in risky behaviors to fill the empty void inside me, until I found another relationship to throw myself into. This past year, I've come into my own. I identified what MY interests are, what I like to do, what I want to do -- and what I DON'T want to do. I travel, I earned my yoga teacher certification, I earned my PHR certification, I have been an awesome dog and cat mom, I have done things that scared me, I have done things that have exhilarated me. I have learned to be alone without being lonely, to feel as though I fill up space, and that space matters. That doesn't mean I always feel comfortable and secure. There are always moments of doubt, shadows of insecurity. But what I have learned over the last year is -- that's life. It goes up, it goes down, but most importantly, it goes on. When it is horrible, I know that is will not be horrible forever, and that is what keeps me moving forward, whereas before I would be stuck in a holding pattern, scared to try anything for fear of making it worse. But now, I am no longer afraid, even when I feel scared temporarily -- because I know it will pass. Nothing is better than feeling whole. And you really just can't beat that with a stick.
Donald Trump is president of the US. I think most people are still in shock. He is a hateful, horrible bully and I hope he is impeached. I had the slimmest hope that he would become a regular republican president but he did not. I thought he would let others run the government but he did not. I am disgusted, embarrassed, confused, shocked on a daily basis by what he says and tweets. It depresses me that so many voted for him. I pray for the world's safety as he is currently in a childish exchange of insults with Kim Jung Il who has built missiles that can hit us and is developing more nuclear capabilities. Our president calls him "Rocket Man" like a 7th grader would. God help us, please.
"significant" to me is minor to most. I have hired someone to take care of my gardens. He did major grunt work - digging trenches and now he's going to take care of things I could do but rather not do at $35/hour. It's time to hire people to do for me. I need to rest my thumb.
I guess the most significant set of experiences have been related to political developments. Starting up IndivisibleShaker and @IndivisibleCLE, and learning about how much impact I can have by showing up, using social media and being involved, has been life-changing.
I decided that as much as I love makeup it was not giving me what I was putting into it. I completely underestimated the effort I would have to put into being a freelancer while working part time in retail. So, I decided to retrain in marketing. Realising that I was under prepared and had not achieved what I wanted was difficult to accept, but for my own (and professional) sake I had to grow up. Just because I'm good at something doesn't mean I was suited to the environment in which I was working. I've learned that being realistic and resilient will enable me to be successful in the future.
I had a really terrible visit with my family. My mom and sister came and it was like having a two-headed monster who just wanted to stare at me. I knocked myself out planning trips for them and then doing the trips, and they didn't care. They just wanted to spend time with me. I was/am upset that I was not my best self during the visit, and that they were not the people I wanted them to be. At 32 I finally feel like my mom and sister are almost strangers. It brought me closer to my dad, briefly, but now I think I have a more objective view of all of us. Mostly it makes me sad.
I continue to persevere in this trust litigation. I am winning, thanks to God. I beleive that God made Asimou really scared of me. I am extremely grateful to God. I am neither relieved or inspired. I am resentful that the litigation is so time consuming.
We sold our home and moved half-way across the country as my husband took a new job. I gave up my job and left my community where I've lived for 23 years. School. Synagogue. Friends. Favorite shops. Easier access to kosher food. Familiar everything. I feel uprooted and unsettled. Angry and despondent. The Jewish schools here aren't nearly what they were at "home" and my kid's education is suffering as a result. The cost of living has turned out not to be less than expected but far more, which has me stressed and resentful. While I'm glad my spouse likes his new job, I feel that I've given up everything and am not getting anything in return.
I got married!!! This is my second marriage and this time I got it right! He makes me so very happy. We dated for two years before we said "I Do." I so look forward to spending the rest of my life with him....
The results of the election last November absolutely shook my world. It was the most uncomfortable realization to acknowledge the fact that certain people in our country think and act according to an outdated, uneducated, and bigoted way of thinking. Certain people I once respected I know longer respect, and other people who I still respect have been diminished in my eyes. Both of these are to my great disappointment. I've been trying to think of how (if?) I can forgive these people and find common ground with them, but at this point I don't believe I can with all of them.
I GRADUATED! Woah. Talk about uprooting a life! I'm proud of the accomplishment, but also, despite having a fellowship for the year, I still feel pretty lost and directionless. It's SO hard to narrow my focus of how I want to spend my days, and what I'm going to do to support myself, so I'm hoping this year brings some clarity in that realm.
I met my current partner, Jim, online and then in person, and very quickly (for me), fell in love with him! I am grateful, surprised, delighted, thrilled, anxious, anticipatory, humbled, hopeful, content, and curious to see what is coming next in our relationship. I am very conscious of trying to learn and grow and do things differently in this relationship than I ever have in the past -- to make this an intentional relationship full of love, desire and laughter.
After many years of talking about it, I finally made the decision to go out on my own as a financial planner. I told my boss back in April about my plans. My last day was in July. I was became official with the state of Virginia on August 23rd of this year. I am so extraordinarily grateful that I finally had the courage to f0llow my dream. It has been exhilarating, and terrifying and satisfying all at the same time. I love being in control of my schedule and running a business the way I think it should be run. Though scary, it feels exactly like this is what I should be doing with my life.
I got a new home on Rosh Hashanah. It is intimidating, but it is an auspicious day to have a new home. It has a yard. It is bigger than my old home and has wood floors. I just have to paint and move, which is intimidating. I am sure I will do it, and next year laugh at how much it has seamlessly blended into the passage of the year.
This year. Oh my goodness this year. Since last rosh hashana I have (in order): Fallen deeper in love, gotten engaged, moved to Manhattan, went back on Prozac, was hired to a dream job, got married, dumped my therapist, mini mooned, made it through welcome week, restarted my Ashtanga practice. I am so wildly grateful for everything that I have been gifted this year, everything I have earned, everything I have accomplished. This year broke every record, i feel that I'm truly living my truth and my dream. I can't wait to see what happens next year-- personally. That said, the election of 45 has been painful, depressing, scary... it's as bad if not worse than I imagined. I so hope that there will be changes for the good next year in this realm but I can't imagine how that will come to be.
I visited my cousin in Europe. It has been a lifelong dream to visit Europe. Something that I have imagined doing since I was a child. It was also so amazing to connect with my cousin. She has a sweet toddler and her mother (my aunt) died when she was young. I felt so happy to see her doing so well - I realized that I really want to be close to her and her son. Family is so important.
I was asked to cook at a Burning Man camp for 280 people. When I was initially asked, I immediately said no. My friends weren't going and I had always had this idea that I would go with my boyfriend so I completely dismissed it. When I was asked again, only a couple weeks before the event, it was clear that the Universe was nudging me to go. My schedule was pretty clear and my Assistant was keen to take over my work. I was terrified to go. I wouldn't be going with friends. I wouldn't have my car, a tried and tested safety net. I'd heard the elements can be difficult. It felt unsafe but something deep inside me said, "go". TO say that I'm grateful I went is an under statement. I came back light, determined, in awe, optimistic...It was truly a magical experience, stepping into my 31st year on this planet. There were some very dark moments on that trip. I was thrown lessons left, right and centre. But I kept moving through circumstance with a compass of what feels good. It's a beautiful place to navigate from. I learnt that amazing experience can happen anywhere if you stay open to them. I learnt that everything always works out so worry and stressless. I learnt that kindred spirits can be found many places in the right environments. I came back with a deep understanding that there are many soulmates on this globe for one another but timing and circumstance decide if it's the time or not.
A significant experience....It's difficult to think back over they year...I went from meditating every morning to not meditating at all....I feel like I am in the dark night of the soul....I knew I "should" continue my practice, and had some feelings about it, yet didn't have the energy or the will to do it. I clearly was not inspired, grateful or relieved. I was and am puzzled.
The orange asshole won. It has deeply affected me and made me question whether or not I belong in this country. It is unbelievable that so many Americans could support a person like this. I am filled with disgust.
Losing my job began as only blessing. Now although I’m glad I’ll be a Rabbi, having chosen to go back to school again, I’m very anxious about where this year will lead and how we will afford it. My wife is not worried. But I am. I’m grateful and anxious.
The most significant event that happened to me this year would be getting married to my husband. Planning it was a whirlwind but the day was wonderful and I wouldn't change it for anything. Leading up to the wedding I was getting a bit scared, nervous for what was coming. I know I"m probably not the only woman who feels this way leading up to her wedding, but it wasn't the easiest path. I didn't stray from my husband but I was making decisions that were not healthy and ultimately did create a shift and a change in our relationship. I continue to make a few stupid choices even after we got married (not the brightest crayon in the box, obviously) but I love my husband and I always will. He's wonderful in many ways, and like myself, has things we can work on to grow and make our relationship even better. It will be difficult, which I knew from the start, but I also know it will be worth it.
I quit my job, sold my home and my car, and moved across the country to begin rabbinical school. While I still feel a bit dislocated and rootless--not helped by the fact that I still have no permanent home in NYC because closing on my apartment is taking forever--I also feel excited and thankful for a fresh start. "In New York you can be a new (wo)man..."
In May I had an internship in a class with children, age of 4. I already did a replacement in that same class, that went very well and I looked forward to do the internship. My promotor went sick a few days before the start of my internship, and I got a substitute. She hated me and told me I was arrogant, selfish and I wasn't able to become a teacher. She broke me, she broke my heart and my dream. I had no support, except for my friend, who I could tell everything and believed me. The director of the school didn't believe me. The only luck I had, was that my supervisor of college knew there was something wrong. She called me the day after I finished my internship and told me she would do everything to make me pass my internship. And she did. It's now easier again to believe in people.
This past year, I got engaged! It am so grateful to know that the love of the life will be with me for the rest of our lives, and I'm so excited for our married life together. By the time I see this next year, we'll have spent two months married together, so I'm curious to see how I'll be answering this question next year.
Lost 8 pds in a workout group. Mixed feelings. It was hard to take time for myself and leave my family. It was time and work to lose the weight. But added mental weight.
I concepted and produced a seminar for the first time. Its success was strangely surprising and I felt very proud of myself.
I graduated high school and went to college. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to go to college and pursue a higher education, and not be in deep of debt as I'd thought I'd be because my parents set aside enough money to pay for the majority of my college. I'm relieved to be done with high school because I never felt accepted there and hope college is better.
My baby Sadie Aviva was stillborn on 4/26/17. It was by far the saddest day of my life, and life since then has been very challenging. My naivete about pregnancy is shot. I still can't believe this happened. Sadie was in perfect health, and a fluke cord accident changed all that. The words "There is no heartbeat" will forever ring in my ears. I'm trying to see the bright side... having the opportunity to explain death to Eliana and have her get comfortable with the idea is a blessing. Having me be more compassionate with the losses that others have faced in their life is invaluable. And, this is just another opportunity for me to pick myself back up and keep moving on with life. (not move on from the grief, but moving in my life)
So much has happened in the last year that I could easily label as "significant". I was ordained to the priesthood in December of Last year; I've dealt with issues that have ranged from benign to major since that point. However, all things being considered, I still remain deeply grateful and humbled by the call from God's people to serve in this capacity. I admit that it's called me to a deeper kind of love and life that makes me respond to others differently and react to their stories in a new way and in a way that speaks deeply to who I am and to who they are. It's a truly moving thing to know that you are changed and that you are different from who you used to be because others saw something in you that you didn't think possible.
In the past year, my husband and I celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary- I turned 70 years old, I retired from work, we traveled to the British Isles (a place we had never visited before, except for England) and we helped my son empty out his house and had into Kurds with two of his wonderful sons! However, the most significant experience that happened to me in the past year was the birth of my twin grandsons on July 11th (7/11 BTW), 2017! After many unhappy things, some of which caused me to feel hopeless, this incredible miracle helped restore my sense of joy! I always feel that bad things are either natural events or human made, however, this one special occasion made me feel like God sent his angels to give me a new perspective! All is closer to being right with the world!
I started therapy...again. In a new country, with a new psychologist. It was a huge step for me in working through my issues. I'm grateful because every day I find another piece of my lost self.
I got engaged! By this time next year I will be newly married. I'm a little worried that I am defining myself with relationships, since I feel like this question is most often answered by my relations to other people, but relationships are a big deal with me. I kind of never thought that I'd get to this point. I'm happy and afraid and excited and all the feelings. This is going to be my life! It does feel right. It feels comfortable. I'm excited, because he's such a great catch, but I'm scared that I'm not going to be enough, that this is all going to fall apart, that I'm not stable enough. But when will I ever be? I'm the most stable I've ever been, and it's partially because of him. I am so hopeful, hopeful that we can be there for each other for the rest of the foreseeable future, that we might really have something true and lasting. I want it. I want it to be that. I will do my best to make it be that.
This year I went to Israel for the first. For ten days I fell in love that as a minority in the states to be a majority. It felt like I belong. To a person who has gone through bullying i felt a feeling I didn't feel before and that made me feel thankful for the state of Israel.
My father passed away, my youngest daughter eloped, my closest brother moved out of state, my oldest daughter included me in her wedding plans and got married . Devasted, hurt, grateful. Hard year for me. CHANGE and life events. Still trying to keep my head above water.
I left my long time job for a new one out of my comfort zone. It allowed me to relieve myself of debt and live more comfortably. I'm very grateful for my job change
Donald Trump was inaugurated president. It has caused me to lose faith in the American electorate and question the value of democracy. It also highlights how technology has adversely affected the ways people communicate and interact. While technology has brought many improvements in society, this is one place it has severely degraded it. I don't know if we can recover from this slide.
renewed health through strict allergy testing/diet
I finally got pregnant...with twins. I have felt incredibly grateful, especially after thinking that we wouldn't be able to have biological children without fertility assitance, and also completely overwhelmed with the responsibility of bringing not one but two people into the world.
I have separated from my husband and have my son about 70% of the time. It has been very difficult but I know it's the right decision. I miss my family unit and I miss holidays together. As I get further away from the relationship I realize that this should have happened many years ago so I am grateful for the clarity even though I wish it could have worked out.
I changed jobs this year. I was conducting a semi-serious job search hoping to get something more creative and to remove myself from a stressful job where I didn't feel competent. I broadened my search after being notified that our company was facing layoffs and found something that seemed promising, when I received word that I was being laid off with 4 other people. Two days after being laid off I was hired as the assistant to the executive director at an historical and awe inspiring synagogue. I am extremely grateful and also surprised that I landed there. I never imagined that I would work at a synagogue and become so immersed in my religion.
I was promoted at work. I like the job itself but it's also come with a bunch of baggage that I can't stand. It's causing me to have to really reflect on myself, and who I'm going to be if I continue to do this work at this workplace. I'm not happy.
My mamma having a heart attack earlier this year was a huge eye opening experience for me. And the fact that she is so far away from me. It is hard for me to take care of her from several states away. In one respect I was very resentful that my father or my brother would not step up to do anything. On another hand, I am grateful, that I had the means to drop everything & fly up to see her & take care of her. There is nothing more important in my life than my family. I would do anything for my mom or my family. I believe that this appreciation comes more as you age and you do not see is as much when you are younger.
My pilgrimage to Israel. It totally broke down all the barriers to my soul--shattered the layers of veneer that had built up over the years--I cried every day for 7 days, learned the healing power of sharing with others, realized the poisonous habits I had of too much CNN and not enough chanting. Used that trip as an elimination diet of sorts and very carefully and consciously added back in the people and activities that enliven me, not minimize me. I’m grateful and inspired.
Holiday in Europe, spending time with my sister, dad and grandson. Recharged my batteries, enjoyed myself without being a carer.
Getting my dream job. It made me realize my goals are realistic when everyone told me they weren't. I am so grateful. I am so inspired. I am so relieved it didn't work out because it was a very controlled environment that I didn't fit into. I now have much more freedom, money, and peace of mind. I learned I can do it on my own but I am still so grateful I had this experience because I learned a lot, met some really incredible people, and had the time of my life even if at times it was painful.
The disaster that was ECT at Sibley Hospital happened to me. It totally changed my outlook on my mental health treatment. It made me see that while I have always been compliant I haven't all done ALL that I could do to ensure my good mental health. I have begun to do more to put me in the driver's seat. It is sort of empowering to know that perhaps the medical professionals DO NOT have all the answers. That some of the answers lie within ME.
1. Hurricane Harvey - affected me in ways I couldn't have imagined. One evening, I volunteered at a shelter and somehow the images and experience at that shelter became indelible and attracted me back there like a magnet. I became grateful for even the smallest things in my own life, while feeling a combination of sadness for those so devastated and inspired by those who gave so much of themselves. The faith that people had - especially those who lost so much - was a constant source of mystery and inspiration to me. The selfless way people from around the country gave of their time, energy and means was really a remarkable statement about the positivity of humanity.
Injuring my knee, tearing my meniscus, and being out of work for 6 weeks. I was able to share the entire summer with both my girls. And that part was wonderful. The fact that only 2 people from my job acknowledged my absence was very painful
Death of both parents. It affected me profoundly – great loss – reckoning – cooperating with and deepening my relationship with other family members
So many answers. We moved from Montana to California. I was resentful but now I’m relieved. I’m also starting a new job tokorrow after being home with my kids for the past two years. I’m incredibly excited and inspired.
Both my daughters had babies. I have many different feelings and it is very hard to explain. I love my grandchildren with all my heart but, I do wish they were born under different circumstances. I am also very proud of the job my children are doing raising their children, I have to say they are wonderful mothers.
Donald Trump was elected president and politics have been upended in this country. It has made me very scared, nervous, frustrated and angry. I am fearful for what will happen to this country and for the entire world. I am fearful that climate change will be sped up and that planet earth will be irrevocably changed. I am worried that my health insurance won't be guaranteed.
Trump. That fucking election. Deeply feel the reality of what this means that our country is. Not grateful at all. The only bits of hope are people coming together and feeling like they can speak out. Still working through things, but I'm very angry and I'm not sure how to get out of it.
One significant experience that has happened in my past year was my summer job at Derby Academy. Because of my job, I was able to learn a few things about how life can kinda suck, but that it’s okay. My ‘summer’ really started off in April, when I received a job rejection letter from the camp that I had been going to every summer for the past six years. Ok. Recognizing that I need not only a source of income, but also something to do all summer, I apply for a job at Derby Summer Arts. I think to myself: both places are summer camps, and I’m doing this job with a group of really close friends. This can’t be that bad, it might even be great. I am woefully incorrect in this assumption. During the first week I not only come to the realization that I possess the ability to detest a seven year old with every fibre of my being, but also that I am only going to be paid $3.58 an hour for my troubles. This camp was not in any way similar to the one that I grew up going to, and because of this I found that I really hated my job. Everyone was very nice to me, and I made some great friendships with my fellow counselors, but I still found myself resenting waking up in the morning because of the day to come. As for how this experience has effected me, I would say that I am relieved it is over, and that I resent the fact that I ever had the misfortune to be any part of it.
So many! I applied and got accepted into Harvard. It's a completely new world, and divinity school or at least this one has a way of having you think about and sit with complexity.
This year, at the depth of my stress and sadness (and we are all stressed and sad under the current shadow of political catastrophe), with financial issues pressing down upon my spirit and painful shingles erupting across my skin, I launched a fundraising campaign for my not for profit on Facebook. My circle of friends and acquaintances and friends of acquaintances lifted my spirits and reaffirmed the importance of my work. In two weeks, they had donated enough to keep the doors open, and restored hope to many of us.
I gave birth to David. My first son. It was amazing, and i'm so thankful and surprised and happy that he's a boy. He was a joy to deliver, though there was a scary moment or two. My sister in law helped me through it, along with my husband. Shortly after that she moved away, and that was super hard. I'm so resentful of her decision to move. So angry that she took my neices and nephew away from me and away from David.
The election, of course. How could this not be the most significant thing? Everything about it is supremely awful.
One of the most significant moments this year was the passing of Noah Arnold. I had only “flirted with death” before that moment, where the only time I had learned that someone died was with someone I barely had a relationship with, like a friends parent. But this was real, this was someone that I had truly known. I remember checking my phone after landing in Florida, in which I was visiting for the weekend, and all of a sudden my group chat from EIE blowing up. “Did you hear about Noah” “Check what Rabbi Sykes posted”. I quickly went onto my facebook and clicked on the notification. I read over the words in disbelief, as words like suicide and rest in peace popped out. My grandpa and brother were engaged in conversation and quickly got mad at me for not participating. I ran into the store trying to explain to my mom what happened, with tears in my eyes. Noah was one of the smartest people I have ever met, and it seemed unfair that nobody could witness his genius again. I was never the closest friend of his, but I really admired him from afar. He knew exactly how to make a group laugh, by shouting “Camel” or “Avodah Zara” and yet could completely engage in conversations about Torah and life that could blow your mind. He was only a tiny speck of my life, and I barely engaged with him after our trip to Israel, but once he was gone, damn, I realized his huge impact on my life. It bothered me how I couldn't see this when he was alive, and even more bothered me that I could never know my impact. His death shook my world up for a while, as I tried to figure the meaning of everything. I was scared every person in my life was going to be gone, and I would be alone. Little did I know this fear lead me to be alone. I am overall more aware of this situation but wish it never happened. I still get really sad from time to time when thinking about Noah, and hope some of the things I learned from him can keep him alive in some ways.
This year, I made the decision to end my marriage. I'm still processing how it has affected me and there is still so much to learn but the feeling I have is one of peace and acceptance. It has changed me in so many more ways that I could count. Its taught me to be accountable to myself first and foremost and its inspired me to live my life for me - no one else. I'm grateful to God for showing me the signs which because a catalyst for change (the change I was craving and desperately needed). I'm grateful to the people that were put in my path before and during this time to help me grow and become a person that i'm proud of. I'm relieved to finally be stepping into my power and become someone consistent in every interaction (or at least working on it). For now, i'm not resentful. This may change as i'm only just begining the healing journey, but i'm filled with love, light and gratitude for what we had, who we are and who i've become over the last 8 years. I'm also incredibly inspired. I'm inspired to live my best life (thanks C1). I'm inspired to hold myself accountable and show up for myself. I'm inspired to be the best version of myself that I can be.
Opened up a social enterprise clothing boutique in SF union sq8are; I am grateful . Overwhelmed. Inspired and somewhat resentful of my lack of time
I somewhat purposefully became homeless and lived in my car for a month. It was a valuable learning experience and realigned my priorities rather quickly. If I didn't have a job I had to physically be at I would have wanted to keep going for a while, and likely will again in a future.
living through my only daughter hating the first 6 weeks of college, and then just disliking it. went to spend Yom Kippur with her and had to go to the Dean of Freshman to be more proactive than Brown or the daughter were being. one because they don't seem in touch with the shy, abstemious population (and don't seem to care), and the other because she's just fresh out of a sheltered life. several feelings mixed in: started with resentful (towards Brown), pitiful (towards daughter), grateful it all went away, happy that she actually grew up with the experience.
I'm afraid the failed election of our first female president and the election of a despicable idiot as president has rocked my world - and the whole world - this past year. I knew, the day after the election, that Trump being elected would take a grave emotional toll on the country - and on our family - and I'm afraid that has been the case. The only solace I can take is that people are engaging more thoughtfully and more deeply in understanding white privilege and the value of activism than I've ever witnessed in my lifetime.
I dyed my hair red. That may seem silly and minuscule, but to me so much of my identity had been to linked to my blonde hair for so long that it felt like a revolution. And yes. I do find that people even treat me differently. Our culture is so obsessed with stereotypes that go with particular appearances we've all internalized these ideas without even realizing it.
I got clean from drugs 6 months ago and I'm so relieved. I made a mess of my life last year and I'm lucky to be alive.
The most emotionally challenging experience for me: Going on a trip to record audio about my father and to find out more about what kind of person he actually was. I went to see his ex-wife and daughter to talk to them about him - they're father and ex-husband - and even though I had talked about him with them before it felt more intense and focused. Hence the feelings were more condensed somehow. On the same trip I also saw a friend of my father's who offered another perspective on him. Even though it was interesting for me to listen to three different people and their experiences with him, it was not surprising at all but it all fit together. I had also interviewed my mother about my father a while ago and it all made sense. They were all very clearly talking about one person with specific characteristics that were showing clearly at the age of 20 and 30 and 40 and 50. Weirdly I had to discover that sometimes there's not more to discover about someone at some point and they're not a bottomless well of mystery but just one person with a pattern they keep repeating throughout their life. Which is what my father did and it made me wonder whether most people do that. Most probably don't change drastically at some point in their life. So if I would have to tell this story right now with the audio I collected I'd say what's most interesting and striking about it is not him, the charming and destructive person at the center of it, but how the people he had close ties to reacted to and dealt with him in the long run. They all had different kinds of scars and coping mechanisms. It's a story about how great one person's influence can be even if they aren't around for very long - my father wasn't in his respective wives' or daughters' or even friends' lives for very long, but he left a dent that affected their future relationships and way of looking at life drastically.
My partner's elderly father had a stroke while he was in the hospital for an unrelated infection. I don't know if he's every going to recover enough to return home. My partner isn't even thirty yet, but his dad is in his nineties; his mom is in her sixties or seventies. This has made me think a lot about how when I'm old and not able to take care of myself I don't want the full burden of that to be on my partner. This relates to my already-present desire to convert to Judaism, because one of the many things being part of a Jewish community would mean is I'd have people I can support and who will support me when it's my turn to need care. I think overall it's left me feeling worried and powerless. I can't do anything to make my partner's dad better. I can't do anything to push back against time. Even if my father in law comes through this okay somehow, he's still a very old man who would be statistically unlikely to live another decade. My partner's going to face the loss of his only really dearly loved blood relative before he's forty, maybe before he's thirty, and there's nothing I can do.
I've been going through a divorce - and it hasn't even started yet. It affected me deeply, and I am still dealing with the repercussions, deep-set emotions, guilt, sadness and anger on a near-daily basis. Sometimes I'll be thinking about something completely ordinary, unrelated, and then my chest will tighten like a vice. Memory upon memory, word upon word comes flashing back to me like it happened just yesterday. I suppose this is the grieving process. Everyone does it differently. Mine feels a little like dying, but mostly like rebuilding, and I hope that part continues.
In the past year I became engaged to Rachel. I'm excited but a little scared at the same time. I love her and she loves me, maybe more than anyone in a long time. It makes me wonder if I deserve such love.
My parents both died Lots of mixed emotions
Mike got sick this year. On top of everything else: the breakup last year, his artificial heart valve, his diabetes, his macular degeneration...he began complaining of a chronic cough in February that left him unable to sleep. Then he started coughing blood. Then he coughed up so much blood, he was hospitalized in March and given multiple transfusions. After days of tests, the doctors finally biopsied his lungs and we found out he had stage IV angiosarcoma, a rare cancer of the blood vessels. He had three weeks of inpatient chemotherapy in May, where it seemed pretty touch and go -- he lost 35 lbs, started looking jaundiced because his liver was responding to the chemotherapy, and he was completely overwhelmed, frustrated and pissed off (and no one could blame him for that). His treatments had to be delicately and strategically planned, due to all his other ailments. He was taken off his Warfarin because he was losing so much blood (my last count was 17 transfusions by June), which then put him at increased risk of clotting and stroke. We had to explain to him what was going on, what stage IV meant (he still didn't grasp that he wasn't going to be 'cured' but hopefully, the disease could be managed and his symptoms could abate so he could rest and have improved quality of life). The chemo started working almost immediately, and his cough diminished, he was able to sleep for the first time in weeks, and we all started feeling a bit more hopeful that stage IV didn't necessarily mean "imminent death". We all felt grateful once he started outpatient chemotherapy and he was able to go home, go back to church and hang out at the social club with his buddies again. Scans showed that the nodules in his lungs were getting reduced to half their size because of the chemotherapy. Fast forward to now: Mike's had five months of chemo and it had to be discontinued because he developed neurological side effects (numbness in his hands and feet, and terrible edema in his lower legs--they don't even feel human anymore; his legs feel like metal rods) that his oncologist worried could become permanent if he stayed on the paclitaxil (chemo). So he was supposed to take a six-week break before starting a new type of tx, but he developed a fever this past weekend and was taken to emerg, because any sort of infection could render him septic and he could die pretty quickly. He's started coughing up blood again and we fear that the cancer is worsening, so we're waiting for him to be transferred back to Princess Margaret as an inpatient so he can go back on chemotherapy (a different type than the paclitaxil). Hopefully, it works and buys us some more time. Mike is Dad #2. He's been in my life for 20 years now; and as much as he is the most unfiltered, inappropriate, dirty old man who jokes and teases incessantly, he's also generous, kind-hearted, thoughtful, self-effacing, and simply "what you see is what you get" in his presentation. I am grateful to live and work so close to hospital row because it's allowed me to be with him every day during his inpatient stays, with with him at every chemo appointment, chat with him and tell him about my life (which usually ends up with him giving me typical chauvenistic advice about my lackluster dating life with a book about "healing my inner child" and a bag of chips and a box of cheap chocolates (see? generous). We've spoken about his breakup from Mom, his fears around being sick and dying and out of control, and we joke about EVERYTHING. When we first got the awful news of his diagnosis, Michele had to leave the room to cry and talk with his oncologist, Dr. Bradbury (whom he calls Dr. Blueberry, Dr. Blackberry, etc.). I sat with him on the bed and said, "Well that's shitty, I'm sorry." He looked wistfully out the hospital window and said, "I should just walk out into traffic." I smiled at him and said, "Yeah, but knowing your luck, you'd survive and wind up in traction on top of all this other stuff, so let's just stick with the list of problems you have and not add anymore, ok?" I hate that he's had such a rough year, only to be topped off with a terrible, terminal diagnosis and treatments involving more suffering. I hate all of that, but it's also meant that he's spent more time in the city with me and we've gotten the opportunity to see each other on a daily basis. It's a gift, this time with him, and I'm extremely grateful for it. Hoping selfishly that he'll push through a bit further so we can have more time with him, but if it's not meant to be, then I can only pray that his remaining time is comfortable, pain-free, and has SOME quality to it, for him.
I would say that a significant experience that happened in the past year was moving in with Brandon and really taking the next step in our relationship. I feel that it affected me in a positive way as I felt like it was the next step. It also helps with the logistics and money saving that was kind of a nightmare when I had my own place, but never stayed there. I was definitely nervous and excited at the same time. I hope that this means we are moving in the same direction, and potentially when I read this next year we will be taking the next big step -- getting engaged. I am hopeful -- but also realize he is probably never going to be as clean as I want him to be, which means I have to get over it, haha.
My parents celebrated their 62 wedding anniversary. It was significant not only because of the amount of years they've spent together but that they still love and support each other and laugh together. They are absolutely teaching me about compromise and unconditional love, which is something I've always had serious doubts about. Yes, I am inspired. And hopeful for my own prospects.
My Charles got married to his Dani, and I performed the ceremony! It was a wonderful day, happy, intimate, the important to him family there. Robert made a wonderful toast, as did Mike. The house is fuller now. There is another cat (troublesome to the two already calling it home). Showers are coordinated, small things are let go. I think Charles still has to learn budgeting, Dani can help here. I am grateful he's found his partner. I will be doubly-so when they find their house!
My dad died this year. The day before my birthday. I thought I would feel relieved that he is free and unencumbered by the body that penned in his fullness. He is so much more than what his body could do. The fact of his death draws a line in the sand to some of my unclosed, untied ends. Things I wanted but couldn't have are final now. There is no more. There is no fantasy that I can have them because he is living. He did not dance with me at my wedding. He can not tell me about himself growing up. He cannot tell me anything himself now. I get to keep the memories I have, hold onto the small pieces I do get to keep and protect them. And the rest of it I have to let go.
Passing my kin exam and starting a full time job in my line of work! Feeling grateful and relieved. Every day I connect to the present moment that this life is a blessing and that it's a privelige to do the work that I do. I wear comfy clothes, listen to music, connect with people all day long, get to move, and create something that will help my clients improve their quality of life! Doesn't get much better than that
Ellie's graduation. Appreciation. Wow. Gratitude. Amazement. Awe that at this time in life
I had a major job change in the last year and it has made me feel grateful, proud, challenged, inadequate, and nervous. I am grateful because I have the opportunity to work in an organization that I believe in and proud because everyday I am amazed by the work we do in our community. I feel challenged and inadequate because I don't always feel like that I have what I need to succeed - sometimes out of my own fears, but also because those that came before me were not always the best at documentation and planning. Nervous because I want so badly to do well, but worried that I am not enough.
i loved doing focus groups and listening to people.
I met Sharon. She has been an incredible addition to my life! This is the relationship I was looking for, and I'm incredibly happy and grateful!
As much as I don't want to give this more energy, there's one event that has had the most significant impact on all else: Trump's election. I've been lucky not to personally be threatened by these results, but I am deeply concerned about the health of our democracy. It is more than just concern about policy. It is concern about trust, about belief in facts and knowledge formation. It is concern about divisiveness and racial resentment. As I return to the classroom, I am finding myself unmoored. I am unsure of how to present intellectual pursuits, and uncertain about how much help I can offer my students.
I've been going through a tough time at work recently. I just got a stable job in my desired field, but it isn't working out-- I essentially got "soft fired" in July, which has been a harrowing and humbling ongoing experience. But, I have reacted to it in a completely different way than I would have in the past. I'm trying to move forward any way that I can-- I've been writing cover letters and applications almost every day for three months (yes-- I know-- it's a long time and that in itself is disappointing, but I frankly can't spare the energy to acknowledge how disappointing it is). I just have to keep moving forward. I guess you could call me more "motivated."
I was published in an anthology, which I downplay of course, but it was really exciting to have something that I wasn't entirely in control of work out. I spent a lot of time lamenting my lack of drive coming panning out, and this was an instance of seeing an opportunity, taking a chance, and succeeding.
Lymphoma in remission. Relieved. Diagnosed with Parkinson's. I feel challenged.
Moving to Florida. So grateful. My life has taken such a wonderful direction--I am happier in general.
i got to go to israel which was the most incredible experience of my entire life. i got to travel withot my parents and be on my own in another country for a month.
Relieved. Became a licensed architect. Between schooling and licensing exams, took 15 years to achieve the honor.
The election. It was completely life-changing and devastating. To this day, almost a year later, I still cry when I think about it. (For example, reading HRC's dedication in "What Happened."
My year in France and Mexico - it's made me more comfortable in myself, more confident. I know what I like and what makes me happy. I have learnt to not put my efforts somewhere it won't be worth it. Enjoy nature. Don't do things you don't like. Take time. No pasa nada. Proud for having been so far away from home, family and friends and starting a new life for myself - it was surprisingly easy thanks to the people around me. Proud for having learnt a language. Sad it's over, more patience thanks to small, mad French kids. Seen beautiful things, met beautiful people. Very grateful to have had the experience. Inspired to travel more, return to Mexico.
It's hard to start this thing without jumping straight to the election. It was the most significant experience in my country and my personal life. It was traumatic. It is still traumatic. I want to be doing as much as possible to resist, and to help those more vulnerable than me, but it feels overwhelming. I am angry. I am afraid. Everything that's happened since last November has been tainted by this ongoing nightmare.
I’ve had my heart broken more than once, all in pretty awful manners. I was, and still am, devestated. I was blindsided and left without any explanation or closure. I was left with grief and an unending list of questions I would never get the answers to. These experiences, I would never with on anyone. The absolute pain and confusion and abandonment is probably the worst I have ever experienced. I have learned that I am strong, beautiful, and worthy of love. My heart breaks that my partner didn’t see those values in themselves and decided to flee instead of face the scary unknowns of vulnerability. I think of them daily, sending them love, wishing that one day I’ll find my closure.
My husband was critically ill. I found it overwhelming and scary. I'm grateful he survived and somewhat worried about the future.
One of the biggest experiences of the past year were moving in with and preparing to live with Jeff. We have been long distance the past 2 years, and 3 of our total 6 years. I knew it would be a big change to go from seeing each other a couple of times a month to every single day and sharing all of our space. Transitioning from living with Casey was a nightmare. Her emotional instability made me extremely anxious and I hated being around her by the end because she was so passive aggressive and rude. Towards the end of our roommate relationship I also adopted Bandit, our dog, from the pound, which added a lot of friction to our relationship. I don't regret it at all though because I love him so much and he brings Jeff and me so much happiness. Then I moved in with my parents for 2 months. I think that was really great for us, but also really challenging because I had even more stress there. I had less space and felt like I was infringing a lot. It was a relief to finally finish the school year and move Bandit and me to OKC. I left for Israel about 10 days after moving in together though, so that really just felt like a long visit. After I got back from my trip this summer and after Grace's wedding, I finally began to adjust to life in OKC. At first I was very lonely. I had almost nothing to do and I didn't know anyone but Jeff, who was very busy. Grace works in OKC a couple of times week, which has been wonderful because I get to see her so often. But it took starting grad school to feel more comfortable here. Jeff and I easily divided chores and have been very understanding about accommodating each other in our home. I think because we waited so long we're just so happy to be together that we don't get upset as easily. Overall it is wonderful. I absolutely love seeing him every day. I love sharing our things and blending our lives. Living together has been everything I had hoped for.
I married off my first child, my only daughter, Merav. It was a wedding I would have created myself were I getting married today. It was a huge community affair, so much love and support. I feel so grateful that she found her partner and that his family is wonderful and lives nearby and have welcomed us into their family. I felt a huge sense of relief when it was over, but also let down. Part of the joy was the fact that 17 people from my family came from the U.S. to celebrate with us. We've never had that many at any of our simchas in the 22 years we'd been in Israel.
We moved back to the beach! Omgosh! What a year it has been! I am sooooo relieved and content. This is our home. I'm forever grateful for this adventure known as my life. To God be the glory, for the things He has done!
I graduated college last year. That seems pretty significant. I was definitely proud, but I was terrified. I wasn't (and still am not) ready for the real world. I'm bouncing internship to internship in the meantime, trying to get more experience so that next summer, I feel prepared to make a decision as to where I want to go to grad school. But I have no idea how to make a decision that will actually define the rest of my life. That idea is so daunting. And I know that I can always go back to school or change careers or what have you, but what I decide next year will be a significant decision nonetheless, and I'm the most indecisive person I know.
I earned a promotion at work, the same year our children turned 2. It was a lot of work and balance, and leaning into my village. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to do work I care about and provide a model for them.
Meidän toinen lapsemme Iisa syntyi tammikuussa! On ollut ihana tutustua tähän tyttöön ja opetella elämään kahden lapsen arkea. Salilla käynnistä on myös muodostunut pysyvämpi osa elämää, ainakin viimeisen 1,5 vuoden osalta. Bändin epävarma olemassaolo välillä mietityttää. Ensimmäinen vuosi, kun tullut soitettua näin vähän. Heikki ja Eeva saivat vauvan, Sampo ja Elina saivat myös toisen vauvan. Ensimmäinen vuosi seinäjoella ja omassa kodissa karhuvuoressa. Täällä on ollut kyllä mukava asustella.
Donald Trump winning the election has probably been the most significant event to happen to me and probably most of the nation, this year. It has had a profound affect in many ways. There are the actual ways, that he is changing laws and named a Supreme Court Justice and may get us into a War. But then there are the other ways, like degrading social discourse, bringing us down so very low...bringing in horrible people to our gov't. Allowing racism to be ok. Degrading the institutions that make our country great and masquerading it as patriotism. It is still hard to believe he won.
Probably the most significant experience was meeting someone again and allowing myself to let another person in. Last October, I went to my best friends wedding. While there, I saw someone I hadn't seen in 10 years. We talked all night and it felt like I had known him forever. Meeting him again has made me change in so many wonderful, terrifying ways. He has shown me what love is and is supposed to be. He makes me want to be a better person. I feel so grateful and inspired by him. Last year, all of my answers were about him and now it seems like they will be again this year. Meeting my bashert and marrying him was the best thing that has happened to me.
I started testosterone at the end of February. It's been huge even though at the same time it also feels pretty normalized at this point. I've started trying to get people to use my pronouns and call me by my Hebrew name. I agonized about the decision to physically transition for a long time and when I first got on T had a few panic attacks about whether I was making the right decision. I was. I am. Now I'm on a full dose and made consultation appointments for top surgery and endometrial ablation and tubal ligation. It feels good. Transitioning is really difficult and complicated and emotional, but it feels good. It feels right.
Fall 2016 - Befriending a girl who would change my standards for who I thought I should be around, who touched me somehow and laid a foundation for self-love that I didn't know could exist. Grateful, surprised, blessed. November 2016/January 2017 - Donald Trump's election and inauguration. Pitying, frustrated, angry, hopeless at times. May 2017 - The end of a relationship that was wholly unhealthy. The realization that it had impacted me so negatively. Relief, but betrayal. Becoming wiser, but colder. May 2017 - Successfully forming a relationship with a therapist who appears to be genuinely acting in my best interests, and who is so helpful to have in my life. Hope, comfort, and the knowledge that I will always have someone here for me. Summer 2017 - Making a return to the world of theatre, in the chorus of Fiddler on the Roof. Nostalgic, grateful, inspired. Summer 2017 - Moving out of the apartment I shared with my ex-boyfriend, leaving that part of my life in the past, but also forming a new friendship from that experience. Frustration, but belonging and understanding. Bittersweet reflection. August 2017 - The end of an almost decade-long friendship. Disappointment, confusion, a little resentment. Guilt, but acceptance. August 2017 - The beginning of an emotionally healthy and stable romantic relationship with someone I wouldn't have ever expected. Appreciation, excitement, maturity, and love. August 2017 - The start of my internship and thus, my first foray into my field of study. Optimism and confidence.
My son Eli got married. It was a most wonderful event. I am grateful he found a woman to love. I am inspired by his devotion to her. I am relieved -- he was just shy of his 40th birthday when he got married!
The almost death of my son. It has inspired me to behave differently as a parent.
I consolidated my credit card debt. This year was the first that I could admit to anyone else that I had hid my depression in ordering food and taking cabs to cry alone in the backseat. As Cady Heron described it, I had to suck out the poison. I had to face the (rightful) criticism from my parents, I had to siphon my income even further, and I had to cancel my crutches and rip them apart. When I saw how much money I saved in interest, I felt the first flicker of relief. That spark shined enough light for me to notice how many other skeletons were in the closet, and it has started me on a difficult but hopefully fulfilling path to conquering my bad habits.
I got my brother back after years of not being close. I made an effort to go see him across the country. We are closer now than ever because I just listened to him. I learned about his life. I didn't ask to be validated because I had already done enough self validation.
My significant experience this past year was when my husband retired and we moved to a lovely, fun, walkable college town. It was hard work moving and getting settled in, but I am grateful for many reasons. I have met a lot of good people, and feel at home in the community, feel like I fit in. Also, I am fortunate to discover a program for emotional eating, that has plagued me for most of my life. I am inspired and grateful for what I have learned, and been able to put into practice. A third experience is that I realize how much I appreciate and the love the beauty of Judaism; the services and the prayers inspire and awe me. I connect with it on a very deep level.
The nodule on my lung continued to grow and its proximity to my heart necessitated a lung resection to determine if it was malignant. The surgeon told me the odds were great that I was looking at Stage 4 Colon Cancer or a brand new Lung Cancer. He was wrong. It was a ganuloma and I was immensely relieved. Dodged another bullet and celebrated Thanksgiving in style with Fred and the kids.
I gave birth to my first child, Maisie. It was an amazing experience! I'm so excited to be a mom to such a wonderful baby! It has inspired me to try to be the best mom I can be. I am so grateful that she is healthy and happy. Being a mom has changed everything. I'm so busy I can barely think straight, but I'm also really happy and have a sense of purpose I didn't have before.
This year, I brought Sigma AEPi to Pitt's campus! It is going so well so far!! I honestly love everyone in it. The term "sorority sister" has taken on a whole new meaning! I am so happy that the members are invested in it, and I only see us growing and strengthening in the future! Whenever we have an event or social, I look around and go "wow." Me sending a simple e-mail inquiring about SAEPi has brought me and all these girls together to bond, share values, and make the Jewish community a brighter place. I you dream it, you can believe it! All it takes is one person to make a difference in the world and people's lives. I can't wait to see where this amazing organization goes.
I attempted suicide in January. This has completely changed my life because it has changed the way I think about living my life, and the toll that bipolar disorder takes on me. In some ways, I'm grateful for my attempt because it has shown me the darkest possible place, and I realize that I don't want to go there again. I think I am more determine than before to get better and deal with my problems instead of avoiding them.
I bought a house and got a dog! I am so happy to feel more settled in my life. My dog is my joy. I love him so much, and I love having my own house to be in charge of. I thought the task of owning a house would be a big deal, but it's not too bad! You save up money, and make repairs when you need them. I am grateful to my mom for having left me money for a down payment. She knew exactly what she was doing. I love you, mom.
It's weird, but I am feeling hung up on this question. "Significant experience"... It was all significant. And it was all just normal. Even breaking up with my ex - it seemed big at the time, but in actual fact, not that big a deal. It's just part of the overall fabric. I guess what stands out to me as more life-changing was my decision to break contact with my parents last November. It has not all been smooth sailing since then, and it has been very, VERY difficult to maintain that non-contact, especially since my mother is not one to observe boundaries, and with my brother's wedding making it so that they were hard to avoid. I still feel some guilt over not talking to my father. It's not like I can recall a "thing" that he did to hurt me. But also, he's been problematic in more subtle ways that are easy to forget, and I am sometimes/often reminded of these when I do spend time with him or talk to him. Maybe that "guilt" feeling is part of the good reason to avoid communication, at least just for now. My mom has always been the easy scapegoat, the easy target. It's easy for me to know that when I talk to her. Sometimes within minutes, I feel the urge to literally die. And that's clearly a bad thing. So as hard as it is to not pick up the phone, or to not do something that involves her, or to not just go along with her version of reality (and everyone else's, where parents are great and they definitely want the best for you and it's safe to talk to them), it's been satisfying to at least know that I am making my own best decision about this aspect of my life. I know that my choices are mine. I know they don't depend on "permission" or "approval" from an outside source that has "more" authority than I do. I am my own authority. I get to decide. That's the best feeling that I have gotten from this year. And it applies even when the decision is hard, and/or when it is inconvenient for other people. Maybe especially then. I am learning a lot. I now have the space to explore who I am, and to choose to be that person every day. To choose who and how I want to be, and continue to learn, to decide, to explore, and be a new person all the time, while at the same time, creating more solidity in my life. Even if, maybe at the very time of this writing, a lot of things do not seem solid, financially, I guess I am noticing that at least I am getting a slight bit more of emotional stability. And I would attribute it to not speaking to my parents, counter-intuitive as it sounds. Thank you to myself for making that choice <3
My husband and I welcomed the birth of our first child: a son, on January 14th. It was quite the year to start 2017! I was determined to have a natural birth, as both my mother and mother-in-law were forced to have cesarian sections with the births of all of their children for unforeseen circumstances. After having two close lose children at the time of birth, I was feeling anxious when my due date passed with no signs of labor. My husband and I went to a double feature movie on Friday the 13th at the Roxie Theatre near our home. We went home after the first film to take a short walk. When we arrived home, I realized that I had been having contractions, which were quickly becoming more intense. I told him I couldn’t go back to the theatre and that we should head to the hospital shortly. We checked in around 11pm, I had contractions all night and was finally dilated enough to start pushing at noon on Saturday. I asked the nurse how long women usually push for. She said some women only have to push three times; others push for 4 hours. I was hoping for the former. But, alas! Baby "No Name" arrived just over four hours later. Ha ha. I was able to have the birth with no pain medications, as I had hoped. The nursing staff was so supportive and helpful! The experience made me realize how truly amazing the human body is! Despite not having eaten since dinner (which I “lost” once I arrived at the hospital due to nausea!), somehow, we find the strength to continue on! They gave me a saline solution and oxygen mask toward then end to give me a “boost,” which helped! But, what an amazing experience. And, when he finally came out, I heard those first cries, and then they immediately put him on my chest…I think this memory will always bring tears to my eyes. How overwhelmed Sean and I both felt with emotion! I felt so relieved, elated, overwhelmed, proud, grateful. And, it has been a journey ever since. I am eternally grateful for this healthy little person in my life. He has brought so much joy.
This is the first piece of clothing I bought for our baby. I bought it at Whole Foods before our baby existed. It was just such a perfect onesie for my husband, with the hops and the "midwesterner." I gave it to Kevin with my first positive pregnancy test 3 days before my 35th birthday. And the due date... the day before my dad's birthday! The excitement! The fear! After struggling with infertility, being given a 3% of conceiving on our own, we did it. Hooray! Less than a month later, I would learn that there was no baby. Anembryonic pregnancy. After struggling with infertility, I would be having a miscarriage. Grief is a strange thing. I respect Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's stages and their mercurial nature. Grief is equal parts learning to forget and demanding rememberance. It's teaching yourself to be strong and soft, tough and gentle. It's a garbage heap and the hope of rainbows. It takes your breath, your kindness, your energy, your gratitude, your ability to see goodness. It puts a microscope on your inadequacy. Grief takes the worst parts of being human and makes them a rich compost in which future seeds can thrive. It teaches lessons on memory and impermanence and hope and love and meaning. One can only feel deep sorrow if one feels. And what a miracle it is to feel. We get bereavement days off work to spend time mourning and celebrating the lives of loved ones. We don't get bereavement days to grieve the death of a child that was never born. Or the hope of a child who never really existed, even though you thought it did for 9 weeks. We don't really have a public space to talk about our miscarriages, about infertility, about wanting a child and about child loss. As my best friend and sister-in-law pointed out when she shared about her journey with secondary infertility, maybe I'm emboldened to speak out now, semi-publicly, because of the tiny boy growing inside me. Maybe it's because when I've opened up to the few people I have about my journey to become a mother, in general, not always, but usually, I hear about how they struggled too, about their miscarriage, their stillbirth, their baby loss, their child loss, about how they gave up after 3 rounds of IVF, how their baby only exists because of medicine and science, about how they finally conceived naturally, miraculously after years of not. I'm not alone. You're not alone. These are experiences 1 in 4 and 1 in 8 couple's experience. Why don't we talk about it? I had a miscarriage. I have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility. I also have a baby boy growing inside me now. It feels raw and hard to write this. It seems like I should just be grateful and forget. But I still remember clearly the pain that I felt when I read announcements, when I didn't know the stories of other couples, when my tunnel vision told me that I was alone. September 26th would have been my due date. I'm grateful for this day. It's a milestone. It's a day I've wanted to pass. And still, I'm grateful for this journey. I'm grateful for the women and men who have shared their stories with me these past two years, who shared their stories with me before so I knew I could reach out. Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone.
Managed to get through back surgery. Grateful...no pain. Boys are on their way to self-sufficiency.
I recently returned from a solo 10 day trip to Seattle and the Olympic National Park. I was incredibly humbled and awed by the trip. it was one of those things that a lines just right. I received an amazing tattoo from an incredible artist, hiked, met up with long-term friends, and enjoyed amazing food at both notable and hole-in-the-wall places. I drove myself around and just generally enjoyed my own company while exploring. It was no small feat for me to take this trip and I am extremely grateful I got the opportunity.
My birthday! My 30th birthday was the most amazing birthday I have ever had. Nate took us to Disneyland and we got to stay in the Paradise Pier hotel. On my actual birthday we had breakfast at the hotel and I got to meet Stitch. I was so excited I thought I would die. Nate special ordered me a birthday cake that night at dinner with a chocolate Stitch on it. It was truly a magical birthday and I don't think anyone will ever be able to top it. Also Toby and I took our road trip to Denver in April. It was so much fun even though it was hellaciously stressful.
I fell in love with my best friend. Well, the truth is I've been keeping my feelings for my best friend in check. I feel closer to him than anyone else in my life. Is it "in love? Or, is it love? I'm both joyous and saddened. Joyous that I'm connecting myself to my heart. I feel awake and alive. Saddened that my friend doesn't share the same fiery feeling I have. I'm working through my feelings. What does he do that makes my heart dance? Can my heart dance that way without him? Can my heart dance for someone else the way it dances for him?
We have placed my mother in a Jewish Kosher Assisted living I am grateful and relieved that there exits these amazing resources , where she can be safe and have a productive social Jewish life
I am engaged to be married (7/9/17)! The person I am marrying and I both survived a pretty significant test of our relationship and I believe that I am with the person I want to be with for the rest of my life. I am the most happiest I have ever been with a person. And it is a healthy happiness in that I am sure about my expectations regarding what happiness I can expect from a relationship and finding someone with the same understanding makes it that much better. I am grateful in so many ways. I am not a young person and to find someone that wants to be in a relationship for the long term is pretty amazing in this day and time. I am grateful for someone who genuinely cares about me and that tries hard to work on having a healthy, loving, and respectful relationship.
This year I finally began paying down my student loans. I am so grateful. Paying the loans off was something I was incapable for so long, I was petrified with fear of what would happen when they came due because I simply did not have the money to make it work. Then this January I began paying them off, 5 months before I was obligated to. It was the best feeling in the world taking the debt and the power into my own hands and being in control of my finances. Instead of just scraping by and feeling relief, I felt great empowerment.
I returned to Israel in May. I celebrated my Bat Mitzvah Sheni at the Kotel with Women of the Wall. I led the service and leyned Torah to the best of my ability. It affected me because I was a women chanting and leyning while charedi women tried to stop me by screaming and blowing whistles. I am inspired to keep speaking for WOW and advocate for women in Israel and around the world to be able to pray on their custom at the Kotel. I am not resentful because everyone has their opinion.
The most significant thing that happened this year will have to be my job change. I am extremely grateful for this second chance to advance my career. I got multiple boosts during this move when I got this job through a headhunter and was approached by big tech companies like Amazon and Google at the same time. The Universe had practically sent me on this move with a magical carpet and the experience had been simply magical.
Over the course of the past month or so, everything in my life has gone wrong. I met a man I thought was The One™️ and things were wonderful for two months and then he called it off because he wasn't ready to commit. My younger brother became violently psychotic and has attacked me twice. I am having issues at work and receiving no support from admin. I am tired and sad all the time and honestly I'm not sure what the point is.
I was fired. At first, I felt terrible, like I had yet again let my family down and that I was no good. But the more distance I got from the experience, the more I realized I was miserable at that job. Our finances are suffering, but I am infinitely happier realizing that I need to do work that I am proud of, otherwise I feel inept.
i was in a 3-year relationship and along the way, i met someone from the past. However, things got worst and i decided to continue the 3-year relationship instead. What happened after that was truly a nightmare as that guy from the past kept haunting and stalking me all over which gave me the creeps. It was something that was not to be proud of, but instead, i take it as a lesson to always be faithful with this current guy as he has given me the best in different ways that i can ever imagine. It was resentful for me to even think about moving on with someone else even knowing how much i love that current man.
So much has happened this past year. Last year, I quit my job at Brandeis and committed to writing my book. It was a huge leap of fait that has reaped so many rewards. Jesse went to college. Sam started high school. Dave and I both turned 50. David Baker was diagnosed with brain cancer. Spouse lost her dad. I went on two writing retreats which gave me the focus, community and drive to finally write my book. Jesse was diagnosed with UC, underwent 3 surgeries, and is currently struggling to recover so that she can stay here for her first quarter of sophomore year. I am deeply grateful in so many ways. I am grateful, first and foremost, for the resources and ability to get Jesse the best medical care possible. For being able to, last year, be there for her at every turn, and, this year, to devote myself to helping her through this very hard year. For being able to stay here in Evanston for two weeks and help give her the best possible chance for staying at school. I am grateful for having the freedom to spend so much time with Jesse during this last year, mixing the hardships with so much joy, binge-watching Transparent and Friday Night Lights, lying in bed for hours with the Barronness of Toosletown over the summer, our new joyous puppy, getting to just be together for so much unstructured time. I am relieved for the freedom and resources we have. Relieved her condition had answer and a cure. This, coupled with David Baker's illness, has clarified on a whole new level, what matters to me. My ego and anxiety to "be something" has been drained and diffused. What I care about more and more is the purity of life -- spending time with the people I love and being there for them fully. In a very deep sense, these challenges have been the catalyst for peace in my life. They have put to rest my comparative mind and allowed me to do the thing I've never been able to do before: enjoy all the blessings of my life.
I have been to Saint James Royal Palace. I felt special that evening.
My relationship ended. But the significance came after, when I found myself. I found what I enjoyed to do - being outdoors, hiking, exploring new places, listening to good music, relaxing, advocacy work, making a difference. I am grateful because I can be friends with him while also acknowledging that I am a better person being with myself.
I interned for Senator Sherrod Brown for seven weeks in his Washington D.C. office. This was one of the most monumental experiences I have ever had the opportunity to go through. It completely changed my mindset in what I want to do with my life. My goals now consist of working in D.C. again, but also being a United States Senator. I am so grateful for this experience, and I will cherish it forever.
My dear friend Abi died. We knew each other for exactly one year. He died on the same day we met. I feel so grateful to have know such a beautiful soul. He welcomed me like family. Both being from London and moving our lives to LA he was like the older brother I never had. I'm inspired to pursue my dreams even harder because of Abi. He always had a smile on his face and was the most positive person I knew in such a short space of time. I'm not hurt or upset anymore as every now and again he'll throw us a sign to let us know he's ok, we're ok and that everything always works out exactly as it is meant to.
Tony almost killed himself and I had to take him to the emergency room 'cause his friend was too fucked up to do anything about it. I'm proud that I took him but I was reluctant because he had caused this himself and he's much older than me. I thought he would be a bit more put-together than he was. Im really glad he didn't die but I'm also really disappointed that he keeps perpetuating this behavior. He's been depressed for a while I guess but he deals with it in a really unhealthy way and, as someone who understands what depression is like, it makes me even more bummed that he can't snap out of it. I know it's easier said than done but it really isn't hard. We all know what we need to be happy, I guess some people just think its too hard. Anyway, I'm glad I could help and that he's still around. I just hope he's doing better.
The election of Trump was THE experience. It has changed my life. I am not relieved, not grateful and but I am inspired to action. But there was a moment...on election night - when I got a text from my mother, "Come tonight, I want to see a lady president elected with you." Alas, the night was night what we expected, but together we have been able to commiserate and strategize of how to resist.
As my first year in a new city, many significant experiences have come alongside the move. As I think through many of these experiences, I have felt grateful every time that I have gone through a difficult experience here that I was able to handle effectively and pretty independently. Times where I know I can call my supports, but ultimately, I am capable of navigating independently comes with growing pains, but ultimately leaves me grateful.
My mother died. Reorganized all my priorities, what was important to me over all, etc. pushed me to take more authorial responsibility...to become, or accept, this matriarch thing. Also, related, turned 70 this week, and got willing to stand up for myself , kind of, in terms of how I spend my time. Anyhow, working on personal space, agency, no guilt.
I was on the verge of being sacked from my job, but was given a reprieve, a second chance. I am relieved, of course, but also confused.
UGH. It's been 10 months now, and I still can't fully wrap my mind around the fact that Donald Fucking Trump is president of the United States (#notmypresident). I am grateful that my husband and I don't have offspring to worry about, I resent every idiot who cast a vote for this OBVIOUS nutjob, and I don't envision feeling any relief until he has been cast out like the cancer he is.
I had my first surgery related to my transition from female to male. I have been waiting a long time to start the surgical journey having been taking testosterone for 5 years. On the 7th September 2017 I had a total hysterectomy. I've always wanted children, and this was weighing on my mind, but my dysphoria would never allow me to become pregnant. Carrying a child is a hallmark of womanhood and it just did not feel right for me. I still want children, but perhaps foster children when I am older. It depends on how my disability affects me. If it stays at a similar level to what it is now or if it continues declining. I am so happy that I have finally started my surgical journey into manhood. My nan informed me that 7th September is her dad's birthday. She said he would be very proud of me and I'm grateful that I had it on his birthday, hopefully with him looking down on me and supporting me. The only downside I've had so far is my bladder went into retention when I had the catheter first removed so I had to have another one put in. I'm hopeful that when it is taken out again on 3rd October that my bladder will behave!
I met someone who completely accepts and loves me for who I am and is neither intimidated by me nor wants to change me. I feel relieved, grateful, joyful and humbled.
Last year, I answered this question that I had asked my girlfriend to marry me. This year, I moved to her country and we tied the knot. I'm amazed, grateful, happy... we are together, and we've already supported each other in rough moments, and that is an experience that I can only say that I treasure, and intend to continue to appreciate with each passing day.
My two-year-old nephew needed surgery in order to pull down one of his testicles. I've never been more worried about someone else's wellbeing in my life. Fortunately, all went well. He had to have his movements limited in the following weeks and it got him down, as he is a very lively child. Still, his recovery was largely uneventful (thanks to his ever watchful and loving parents) and he's back to his old self, filling the house with laughter.
This past month we were expecting a horrible hurricane, Irma. Although it caused a lot of destruction in other areas I got very lucky and the hurricane happened to move west. Our prayers were answered and we were all safe!
I was diagnosed with a brain tumor in August. It was the most terrifying few weeks of my life. Well, let's go back. The first diagnosis was early onset Alzheimer's (I'm 37 got God's sake) which was a much more terrifying diagnosis. I spent weeks writing letters to my kids for when they're older, drawing them pictures for now because they can't read yet, making videos of myself telling them I loved them, and crying A LOT (so many tissues). When it came back as a brain tumor, I was relieved because even if I die, at least it will be quick-ish, and they'd get my life insurance. And when it came back as benign, I felt a huge wave of gratitude towards life, my family, grass, blue skies, the magic of crickets, everything. While I would never voluntarily go through this experience again, it has made me appreciate life in a way that I am grateful for.
Jesus entered my heart! The moment I started going to Hillsong, Easter Sunday, my heart started softening and a few months later, Sunday 3rd of September, Jesus completely entered my heart and I got safed. I am grateful that I found my way to Jesus and can see the change in me and my life already. I'm excited to see what God has planed for me but I know it's going to be BIG! Thank you Jesus.
This past year I went through Hurricane Irma with my family. It was a very scary experience. Everyone was very stressed and we had to hide in the closet at times because of huge shark-nados in the area. I am scared that another hurricane may come. I am gratful that we are ok.
There were two times in quick succession on the magic island. Both to Scattered Black and Whites and both made me feel grateful and inspired.
Choosing to accept the job at Rollins and move to Florida. It gave me the opportunity to realize how important some relationships were in my life and also the opportunity to really think about what is important in life. The actual decision making process made me think critically about what I needed to be happy and how to listen to my gut. I am grateful for this opportunity, and professionally I know it was the right choice to make. It try not to regret the decision when I think about the way it has impacted my personal life (being away from Artie, my parents and friends) and hope that it has created space for love and appreciation in a new way.
This past April, I traveled to London with my husband, who was there on business. I traveled with a cold that I thought was on the mend, but over the first two days of our trip, I became increasingly more sick. After walking across the street to the St. Thomas/Guys hospital emergency room, I was found to be sicker than I thought and ended up hospitalized with pneumonia. I spent two days as an inpatient receiving excellent care. When I was discharged and cleared for travel I spent one more night in the hotel before flying back to the States where I rested and recuperated for a few more weeks. It affected me in that I was surprised and troubled at how sick I had become and how seriously the doctors at the hospital took my illness. At 65, I still think of myself as strong, healthy, and resilient. Now, I had to accept that I was perhaps more vulnerable due to age, and might not bounce back as quickly as I might have in my youth. I am relieved that I did fully recover and grateful for the care I received. I am grateful that Walter was by my side every step of the way, caring, nurturing and advocating for me. I am grateful for my two beautiful adult children, Ben and Alexandra who spoke to me via Skype, made me feel so much better, even as I might have caused them worry at my being in the hospital.
My PhD Graduation - Finally, I have made it. 9 months before my PhD defense, my anxiety and depression went back. It was one of my difficulties to go through in life. I still feel mixed about the time when I suddenly felt so incompetent and demotivated of what I wanted to achieve in life.
In May of this year I graduated with an undergrad business degree from the University of Miami, I traveled to Israel - my first time out of the country, I moved to Brickell and got an apartment, and I started a job at Temple Beth Am. I feel anxious about all the changes I'm going through and worried that I am going to have trouble reaching my full potential as a young professional in the business world. However, I'm also incredibly excited to have been thrown into to many adventures at once.
I looked at myself in the mirror which I hadn't since I had my daughter in 2015 and I realized how unhealthy I was. I am very grateful I did because it motivated me to exercise and eat healthier. Yay to mirrors lol. Unfortunately I accidentally broke the mirror but I'm still going and I can't wait to buy another and see the difference.
On September 15, I was affirmed a Jew in my synagogue and welcomed to the Tribe. It was a wonderful, inspiring evening... and I'm relieved it is over!
On Christmas day 2016, one of my best friends of over 25 years was raped and murdered by a stranger. It was the kind of crime you tell yourself doesn't happen in real life, only on shows like Law and Order or in the movies. And yet, it happened. She missed her flight, she was missing and within 24 hours of our frantic searching for her, her body was found and her murderer was apprehended. Isn't it disgusting that there are things to be grateful for in that? I try to imagine if months had gone by without us knowing where she was. There is some solace in that. There is also solace in the fact that he plead guilty to her murder and her family and friends do not have to endure a trial. I have spent much of this year simply trying to accept that this horrendous event took place. At the same time, we are also still dealing with my husband's illness and the trauma that he almost died last year. He is still not fully recovered from that ordeal and truthfully neither am I. Last month, I was demoted at my job -- a job I have been dedicated to and by all accounts performed admirably in for over 14 years. I think the theme for the year is: Getting Kicked When You're Already Down. And yet, and yet....still so much to be grateful for. My husband is alive. I am alive. My MS has not flared up despite stress beyond I ever knew I would be called on to tolerate. I have learned beyond question that I am loved by many. Everything is so very hard. Life is incredibly hard. But I have a roof over my head and we are surviving. Despite everything we are surviving. I just wish we could do more than simply survive.
I gave birth to our daughter in July. It affected me completely. She was born and it was like meeting a person who somehow was always here even though she had just arrived. It was as if it was always meant to be. I had heard of mothers and met mothers who regretted having children. I have witnessed women who didn't have their maternal instinct kick in. I was relieved that when she was born, it was like my whole world came together and I knew that if there was one good thing I could do in this world, it is being a mother to her. She is my everything.
Stupid Americans voted Trump in.
My mom started taking an interest in me after I graduated from college. I resent her for this. She had my entire life to care or be proud of me, and she chose to start as I was leaving home and starting my own life.
Donald Trump became president of the United States. No one saw this coming. I remember that night as I lay in bed and read the dismay and astonishment of the people that I perceived, I sensed and saw a gloom dark cloud shroud our reality, our universe. Because it wasn't just a man that come to power, it was a whole idea of darkness and hate that had made itself manifest in our world. The next morning, as I drove to work, I remember seeing the most beautiful sunrise and clear sky. The green trees and fresh air. The world is still beautiful, I thought. Hate cannot live in a place like this. Still, that week was one filled with despair and sadness for many. I heard women's voice crack at being wished a good day. "How can it be a good day?" She said. It's been only a few months since he took power. We're still here. Strong, determined, tired, but determined. Truth and beauty lives within us and the light shines from within, not without.
My mother passed away in April after a very long illness - Alzheimer's. Relieved is one word that comes to mind, but only relieved that the pain is over for both her and my father. Well, not over, the pain will never truly go away. But at least he can get on with his life now.
Moving - I uprooted my life, albeit falling apart, in San Francisco, for a job that I knew I didn't want, in a city I didn't want to live in, for a reason that I knew would potentially haunt me. I am all these things; grateful, resentful, inspired, defeated, confused, lonely. It's the worst, and its hard to find the silver lining. I am searching for a job, after I quit the one I moved here for, and I feel like it all means nothing and it meant nothing to go through this transition, because I just want to get through it; not understand it.
I wish I didn't have my head in this particular experience but it has been clouding my thoughts recently. Late 2016 (I remember because it was a night of Chanukah), I had a passionate conversation with a downstairs neighbor because he had been repeatedly banging on the wall to the stairwell everytime we ascended or descended. My kids were just 4 and not yet 2 years old yet, and so going up and down the stairs was a larger ordeal than it would have been, had I been on my own going up and down. The banging had become so aggressive, and my children were becoming so frightened to go up and down, that I rang the doorbell to ask the person on the other side of the wall to stop. I had a mama bear inside me, but I kept calm inspire of feeing quite angry on the inside. The person on the other side of the wall did not think my request for him to stop banging was reasonable, he felt the noise of us climbing up or down the stairs was unreasonable and he felt completely righteous in his decision to bang on the wall to get us to stop. I thought the experience was a single time thing. He never banged on the wall again, but in the past several months, he has continuously sent anonymous emails to my boss, my husband's boss, and to us directly, harassing us and insulting me personally. I didn't expect for these insults to affect me so deeply. I am digging deep to figure out how to not take the insults personally. He targets my accomplishments, my parenting, and claims that I have no value on my own without my husband's accomplishments. I am realizing that my own insecurities have been sparked quite profoundly by these insults and I'm working on trying to climb out of it and stay firm in my convictions about myself. I'm also struggling with how to combat these emails. There is a part of me that feels intensely angry, like I have these feelings of violence that I am shocked and a little unnerved by. I am wondering how to be a good citizen in the midst of this, how to model neighborly behavior to our community and to our children, and how to take care of myself.
I more often than before can acknowledge the clear thinking, problem resolution skills I bring to work, perhaps less so to personal life. I'm grateful I can see the value of my knowledge, experience, and even sometimes inspired by the intelligence I manifest.
My father died in 1992, and it was at that time that my brothers and I learned a little bit about his time in the Navy during World War II, something neither he nor our mother hardly ever mentioned, and about which my brothers and I never were inclined to ask about. At least, *I* never did. The only memory I have from my childhood about his service was that he worked on a minesweeper and on one occasion helped to save people in shark-infested waters. After his death, we learned more of the story when my mother showed the priest the commendation my dad had received from the Department of the Navy. A ship caught fire and exploded while on its way to dump expired munitions into the waters just outside Boston Harbor. My dad helped to rescue fourteen men from the fiery waters (eleven of whom survived). Flash ahead to 2014, when on the 70th anniversary of the explosion, I searched online to see if there was any mention of it and the subsequent rescue operation. Surprisingly, I found an article about it published in a diving journal, a follow-up to a previous article about the incident. The follow-up piece was essentially writte